How to Build Self-Worth (Even If You've Struggled With it Your Whole Life) - Terri Cole
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- čas přidán 2. 05. 2024
- Do you undervalue your accomplishments?
Do you brush off compliments about your work?
Do you use self-effacing humor to put yourself down before anyone else can?
If you answered “yes,” let me ask you this:
How do you feel about your own worthiness?
From your emails and comments, I know many of you struggle with self-worth. If this is you, you are not alone, and I invite you to read on as this episode is all about worthiness.
I cover why many of us feel unworthy, my own experience with worthiness, and how you can begin to feel more worthy in your life, because you deserve it.
Download the guide for this episode here: www.terricole.com/how-to-buil...
Interested in joining my Flourish mastermind? Check it out here: terricole.com/flourish
Time Stamps
0:00 - Intro
2:13 - What is self-worth?
3:34 - Why do we feel unworthy?
6:27 - Signs of low self-worth
11:23 - Self-worth contingent on others
15:57 - Steps to increase your self-worth
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• Less Self Abandonment ... - Less Self Abandonment More Self Love NOW
• 5 Steps to Curate More... - 5 Steps to Curate More Self-Love In Your Life
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
Instagram: terricole.com/ig
Community: terricole.com/fbg
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Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Resources
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Insight Timer: insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
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#terricoleshow #selfworth #selfworthjourney
Can you relate to having low self-worth? Share your experiences below, and remember to download the guide for questions and tips that will help you increase your self-awareness around self-worth and boost it: www.terricole.com/how-to-build-self-worth-guide
Hello 👋 how are you doing today? I hope & pray 2024 brings happiness, peace and love all over the world 🌎 I’m originally from Canada grow up in Fort Worth Texas, currently living in Key West Florida. Where are you from if i may ask?
For so long I struggled with self-worth because my parents seemed to favor my older sister---she has the house, the kid, the dog, the career, the high salary. She is always the focus of their conversations, of their lives, really. I had cancer and it changed (and took away) all of those things in my life, so I began to feel completely unworthy. Still rebuilding my life and working on it every day. Luckily therapy has taught me that I am worthy of joy and happiness despite not having the life/stuff/body/status I used to have. As I said in a previous video, I am finally allowing myself to feel happiness and joy about getting married and building a life with another person who has mirrored back to me that I am worthy just the way I am.🥰
You are SO worthy, Birdie ❤️❤️
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for saying that, Terri. 💕
When the student is ready . . . the teacher will appear. 🙏🏻❤️🙌🏻
Now at 46 I've been working on self work, but I still live close to my parents and each time there is a gathering, the relationship with my mother is challenging. Never enough, never good, never a positive comment... it still gets to me..
Thank you Terri for all your wonderful work❤
You are so not alone in that, Marta ❤ Thank you for sharing.
Remember boundaries! You should set some, you don't deserve to be around people who put you down💗
My father died an alcoholic and he was embarrassing so the entire surrounding knew us and that affected my confidence in India. I have moved to Australia and it still haunts me like everyone knows my background and to some degree people can see my low self worth. At 40 im still learning to take compliments when people compliment me when im at a party. Thanks Terry. Im a work in progress ❤
My father is still alive but he's an alcoholic and I resonate with what you said. My mother is a covert narc so that didn't help either. I've never been to India but I am assuming that the shaming culture is somewhat similar to that of Pakistan. In my case, my mother only gave me attention when she was competing with me or shaming me. My father only gave me attention when he was verbally or physically abusing me.
I'm in USA now and have become a therapist myself. It took me about 15 years of working on myself to accept compliments and not see them as a manipulative tactic or a backhanded compliment.
I am glad you're in another country now and watching this content. I send you love and wish you the best.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
People like you help tremendously because one does not always has the courage to go to therapy and actually talk things over. Self-worth can be difficult to heal but it's not impossible. Thank you so much for the content
Thank you so much for sharing that ❤️ I'm so glad this was helpful!
Terri, my thank you for you comes from a place deeper than I know. I needed this reminder. I suffer from intense self-loathing at times rooting from an idea that I’m not good enough. I also came from a very orthodox religion that put too much pressure and emphasis on achieving things to be “worthy” of the “blessings.” I am grateful to have seen your video and to be reminded that I am inherently good enough in this very moment and I agree it is an “inside work” it is an internal thing. I’m excited to read your books and know more of your profound work. New subscriber here! Thank you once again ❤
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this comment, Lawrence ❤️❤️ I so appreciate you and I'm glad this resonated! Welcome to my CZcams crew!
Dear Terri, thank you so much for all of your content that you so generously put out there ! I just wanted to tell you how great it feels to just listen to you when I'm feeling sad or angry or just reapeatedly reminded of the way things are. Listening to you with all yout compassion and wilingness to help just brings me back to a state of peace and being in the present as a whole person. Thank you so much ❤ Wishing you lots of love happiness always !
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know ❤️ I appreciate you!
Same here ! 😊 I listen to Terri when I need to hear a compassionate, warm voice (of reason..) ❤
What do you do when you're 61, your mother is 90 and I just can't cope with seeing her anymore. i have 2 brothers, have fallen out with sister in law. My Dad passed away 8 years ago, he was a controlling bully. Mum is a good person, if I don't see her I will feel terribly guilty but when I do see her, I always leave feeling completely drained. I really feel that kids should go their own way when they're young and not be expected to see parents all the time. I never had kids, never wanted them. Always said that I would never bring a child in to this cruel world.
Hey there- is it possible to lessen your contact with your mother? Maybe stick to phone calls more than going over there? Or are there boundaries you can set to make your interactions with her less draining? I think you have a right to do what is best for you, but since you said your mom is a good person, it might be worthwhile to look for a middle ground where you can see her AND not be drained. ❤️
Sending 🫂 ❤. Do you regret not having children? I'm 35 and struggling with this decision. I feel the same. This world continues to get worse and worse every day and it's hard to even cope as an adult sometimes.
I am 57 and went no-contact with my mom, who was 80 last year. I'm not saying you should do that; I just want to tell you that it's possible to make changes no matter your age or your mom's. For me, it became clear that I needed some space, and when I told my mom about this (in the most caring way while having a lot of mental issues), she reacted so angry and unsupportive that it became clear to me how controlling she was in my life. And I hope she'll live to be a hundred, but that would mean I would be 77 by the time she died. So, I decided I had to choose my own path.
The fact that you will feel guilty for doing something for yourself is not okay. Your mom may be good, but it sounds like she is leaning a bit too much on you. Maybe your siblings can take over for a while? That's not unreasonable.
@@jan854 I never had children. I never regretted it because I always knew I couldn't handle the responsibility. I am overly responsible due to my childhood trauma, and being a mom would have killed me.
Perhaps this world is getting worse every day, but the most important thing is to be sure you can guide your children and be a good mom. That's the issue. And if you are not confident about that, I would encourage you to be a wonderful auntie or neighborhood'mom' but not an actual mom. Maybe you will regret it, but in this case, it's better to have some regret yourself than your children have regret because you were not a very capable mom.
@@terri_cole thank you, I think sticking to phone calls for a while is a very good idea ❤
Your work is the most precious gift 🎁 one could receive.
❤️❤️❤️
Thankyou ❤
You're welcome ❤️
I just found you. I love the way you explain concepts. You speak deeply, in a place I can understand and grow. You make me smile. I down talk myself due size. I can do this. I am doing the rubber band for the next 24 hours. Gift my own attention ❤. Thank you soooo much❤❤.
I am so glad you found my channel and that this resonated with you ❤️ I am cheering you on!
I'm not going to lie. This was hard to hear for me. Especially the end. Great video. Presentation, tone, subject matter, and connection were striking. I don't know much about self-worth yet, but I love the artwork I see in the totality of this video.
I'm so glad it resonated ❤️
Thank you for this content & for giving us some exercises to try as we go through our self-worth healing journey! I’m feeling more hopeful and I’m excited to try these exercises out starting today!! Again, thank you so much 💖✨
I am so glad to hear that, Amanda ❤️ You're welcome!
Hi Terri, thank you very much for this video. I am going to validate myself more than ever. Sabine.
I am so happy to hear that, Sabine ❤️
Thank you for talking about such an important topic. I find that the way you speak is very soothing. ❤
Thank you for watching 💕
Thanks so much for the information you share. It has helped me so much.
I am so glad it has been helpful to you ❤️
Terri, I struggled to finally watch and listen to this youtube video. I struggled with low self for many years. It is still a problem but getting better. I used my codepedency to try to get approval, love, acceptance and care, that I could not give to myself. THIS NEVER WORKED and I felt even worse about my self worth after my relationship ended.
My Mom was bossy, critical, not very nurturing, cold, hurtful with a lot of her words. I never heard I am good enough, I am pretty, I can do it, etc.
Many years of therapy, CODA meetings and now your classes, podcasts, books, etc, have changed my life and self worth. I do have self worth. I love me and am worthy.
Thank you for all your amazing advice, caring and generous uplifting words!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Linda ❤️
This is much needed! I gave up on raising my self-worth. It is something deeply rooted in my subconcsious mind. 😢😢
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤
Thank you Terry!
You're so welcome!
Thanks so much for helping me with this video. It's a long and winding road, however I will take the first step.❤.
Thank you :)! I am very grateful to have found you and your book "Boundary Boss"!
I am grateful you found your way here, too ❤️
I loved this, thanks :)
❤
My parents were never neglectful or immature and yet my self-worth is almost nonexistent. I'm struggling to understand why this is the case since most of the adults in my childhood were always supportive.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Wow, can't believe I only just stumbled across this channel. Awesome!!! thank you so much - this is perfect timing. 🙏
I'm so glad it resonated with you ❤️ and welcome!
Thank you. Your insights are very helpful and are helping me move in the right direction.
I am so glad to hear that, Michelle ❤️
I'm so grateful for the gift you have and thank you for sharing, it makes a difference to so many of us.
Thank you so much for saying so, Debbie 💕 I am grateful you're in my crew!
Thank you for this video! It was very soothing to watch. A wonderful and gentle reminder that we are worthy as we are :)
So glad you enjoyed it 💕
Love you miss terri
❤️
beautifully stated 💗I think I’ll use the term “soft landing” more often when I am imaging what kind of sisterhood and support system I’m calling in
❤️
I am always struggle with self-worth issue，thank you so much for talking about this issue，it really help me a lot，best wishes！
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
Thank you Terri, your advice is so helpful, I often listen to you and learn from your experience and wisdom.
Have a great 2024!
You too! ❤️❤️
I keep coming back. Im fairly new to your awesome posts/videos. It seems you are speaking to me directly. I have my own business and charge under penny's for my services to people that make 3 times the money I do... I just have to feel better about myself before I can change my prices! I am such a co dependent. I just appreciate to tune into someones videos and it feels like they are speaking to me. I feel that everytime you speak! I have so many life experiences that have (according to what I've learned) destroyed my self esteem, confidence... Im 54 yo and I HAVE to figure it out soon. So, thank you!
You are so welcome, and I am glad you found your way here ❤️ If you haven't yet, I recommend this video about building self-confidence that may help: czcams.com/video/kLS-NdgTwu0/video.html
I do that. I undervalue my achievements. I'm working on that at this time.
I see you ❤️
I know what happened. Growing up my body was a little larger than others. I'm taller and stronger as a female and my family was bothered by this. They felt I was lazy and dumb for not being slim, when my body is naturally strong. My family never told me I was beautiful or pretty because I was overweight. My family put me on jenny Craig as a teenager because I was overweight. I struggled my whole life, being told I was lazy, and dumb. Obviously I didn't ever exercise although I did! I was super active. Finally I figured out that grains were the problem and now I don't recognize my own body or face. I have changed so much, and I just don't know who I am. I was always the overweight one who didn't count for anything. How sad. I need to get help. Thank you for helping me! ❤️🌴🙏💎🍳🪮
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love 💕 I hope you get the help you are seeking. You're worthy of it!
These are great questions to ponder Terri. It feels like a struggle at times to find my own worth without having had relationships that reflected that. I really appreciate this topic and I did have more inherent worth and took more worthwhile risks in many ways than from whence I came. Happy New Year Terri and Godspeed 🎉❤🥂 I so appreciate your work. Setting healthy boundaries was definitely a good starting point and you really helped me in that area, among others. Grateful 🥰❤🌈
It is hard when you don't have an example of healthy love. I see you. Just know your internal self knows and listen to her. You will never regret that.
Thank you so much, Kimberly ❤️ I hope 2024 holds good things for you!
Hi I’m neha aggarwal. I have been facing issues regarding my boundaries. Just bought your workbook and started reading it. It already feels I could relate to every word you have written. Thank you so much for all the sharing. Having people like you bestowing knowledge upon us gives us an inspiration to be better each and every day.
I am so glad to hear my workbook is helping already, Neha ❤️❤️ Thank you for letting me know!
Hi, new to your channel, wanting to change my behaviours and looking forward to change.
Welcome Sally! ❤
Glad to have you here, Sally ❤
It’s so funny that you started this episode talking about your diminishing your accomplishments when I did that today. I got massage therapist of the year today and couldn’t accept it the way I should have.
It's not too late to own it! ❤️ Congratulations!
That lady gave you a bak handed compliment
I can totally understand your friend that thought they were being told they are attractive as a joke. That’s exactly how I am. I feel so disgusting inside that I think not a sole on the planet would look at me with anything other than disgust.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
❤
💕
People "throw me away" easily.
Good ol Christi ALWAYS forgave.
I feel worthless.
A throw away.
But you’re not….others can exclude, dismiss, or toss, but carry yourself in a precious vessel….hold yourself there…and it’s okay to call others out when they say or do things that make you feel invisible or invalidated. Your voice matters. You matter.
I am holding space for you and sending love ❤️
Looks like self love ( whoever this “self” is?) is all about practicing some acts even though I don’t feel any love for this self. I can talk kindly and take care of myself, I have no feelings for it🥺 I don’t even feel my identity
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Part of the process is getting to know yourself, too. Many people in my crew have been self-abandoning for years because they were raised and praised to do that- to be in service of others, and put themselves last. It can feel strange to put yourself first and not even know how to do that when you've been doing the opposite for most of your life! I recommend paying attention to what you like or dislike, what feels good and what doesn't, what fills up your cup and what drains you. ❤️
My name is Donna. I'm 38 with co dependents and adult and child pdst. I'm from Missouis
Hi Donna, welcome to my channel ❤️
im sorry but i have to ask this for my peace of mind. would you say the same thing to a murderer or a rapist? are they still worthy despite their actions and minds?
thank you for this video btw
Hi Ella- I am specifically speaking to the viewers of this channel (like you!), and the folks in my crew tend to be loving, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, and intelligent. ❤️
@@terri_cole thanks for the reply.
It’s hard when everyone compares themselves to me and my life is just a disaster 😕
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Would you happen to know of a good resource of this for men? I appreciate the video but im having trouble connecting. As far as I can tell, men aren't ok as they are and are treated as such. With no way to get a quick fix by posting a selfie I find it extremely difficult to be ok with being run of the mill average.
I'm not sure if they cover this specifically, but my pals Dr. John Delony and Connor Beaton might be good resources to check out. Connor is more of a men's coach. Tom Bilyeu might be good, too- he's he host of a popular podcast called Impact Theory.
I also suggest exploring what you mean by "I find it extremely difficult to be ok with being run of the mill average." Who says you're average? Why do you believe you're average? What would it look like if you were okay with it? What would it look like if you were "more" than average? What would it take for you to get there? Maybe journaling about it will help.
As a therapist, my clients were predominantly women so that's who I tend to speak to and attract, but I do believe men are worthy of this, too. Just want to clarify, I would not suggest anyone post a selfie as a way to build self-worth. We don't want to look outside for this- it has to come from within us.
If I could distill it down to one thing, it's mostly about choosing yourself. You have to believe that what you want, how you feel, and what you think matters more to you than what anyone else wants, thinks, or feels. (That doesn't mean we don't compromise, but when we do, it comes from a place of love rather than fear or people-pleasing.) Make choices that align with your preferences. Advocate for yourself. Do things for yourself and follow through on your commitments. All of these things build self-trust which also builds self-worth. ❤️
@terri_cole thank you for the info and input.
Thank you, totally a work in progress and allowing my voice to be heard internally.
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