Why Your Ex Isn't Responding To Your Texts (And What To Do)
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 07. 2024
- www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/ - Take our free 2 minute quiz to figure out what kind of chance you have of winning your ex back.
Why Your Ex Isn’t Responding To Your Texts (And What To Do)
In this video were going to talk about;
-Why your ex isn’t responding to your text messages
-What goes through their heads when they don’t respond
-How to get them to respond to your text messages
What I find interesting is when I take on a client and I ask them, what is their goal. They often set these gigantic lofty unreachable goals, I want to get my ex back and then get him to marry me. I want to get my ex back and have him move in together, their first goal should be to have a conversation with your ex.
First were going to look at why your ex isn’t responding to your text messages
Reason #1 - Lack of a reset factor
For those of you who don’t know I am a big proponent of the No Contact rule, but I think it has all sorts of far reaching ramifications that you don’t even realise. So, one of the big reasons we see exes not responding to text messages is because you have been undisciplined and reached out immediately after the break up, because you either want closure or you want to talk, or you are feeling bad and you think they can make you feel better.
Reason #2 - You have the eye roll factor
One of my most cherished acronyms is that of the G.N.A.T. going nuts at texting. So, when you go nuts at texting, you create what I like to call the eye roll factor. You know what it is because you will have done it to someone in your life, it’s like this cycle of gnatting I guess.
Reason #3 - Your text messages suck
It is always astounding how unprepared people are for this break up process when it comes to text messages and I suppose if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Throughout our relationship one of the reasons we can break up is that we become a little complacent with how things are. We’re used to certain behavioural patterns, conversational patterns, the way we reach out to each other. It can get a little bit stale.
What is going through their mind when they do not reply
Thought #1 - This isn’t that enjoyable of a conversation
I’m in the middle of a conversation with a friend about what is going on in the world, and at some point, in the conversation I realised this was boring and I was wasting my time. I just didn’t want to text anymore, so I just ended conversation there and didn’t respond. This is so important to understand that when you are trying to get your ex back, that you need to have conversations that can continually keep them engaged.
Thought #2 - I don’t have time. I’m too busy
This is why I'm often telling my clients make sure you are aware of the time you are texting your ex. If you know for a fact he is not going to be allowed or have time to engage in a proper conversation. There is no point trying to have a long all-day type conversation.
Thought #3 - All our conversations ever evolved into is drama
While we like watching drama and stories we do not like experiencing it in our lives. If all your ex associates you with is drama it is not a good thing. Where all your conversations at the end all about drama. This can be a prime reason as to why they are not responding.
What to do, to get them to respond, to your text messages?
There is a certain frame work that we have developed over the years that we’ve seen work wonders for our clients, but it is important that you understand the framework is not to be followed to a tee, it is important that you are able to adapt.
Whenever you want to have a conversation with your ex, there are three things you want to do
#1 - Try to find a way to get your ex to respond to your initial text
#2 - Allow conversations to unfold organically
#3 - You end the conversation first
And this is where the H.I method comes into play, standing for Hook and Interest
Looking at the hook, is something that your ex is going to look at and not do an eye roll. And it will make him want to response just because of the hook. Often, we find that pattern interrupt to make him want to respond, here are some examples.
- I have a confession to make
- You won’t believe what just happened to me
- I have a problem, but only really trust you for an answer
All of these examples are perfect hooks, next you need to extend a conversation this is where interest comes into play. We have found that clients who spoke about their ex's interests were having a lot more success throughout the texting process.
Coaching link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/c...
Pro link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/e...
Facebook support group - exrecovery.lpages.co/private-...
Texting bible link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/t...
The no contact rule link - www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/n... - Jak na to + styl
Regarding girls, she's in a rebound, so what if she is the one that reaches out, starts talking and the conversation goes well on both sides, then all of a sudden stops replying?
I went no contact for a month and a half and i reached out and they did not respond at all. She gives me No breadcrumbs, no interactions. She doesnt follow me. She seems like shes not even interested in me in the slightest like i don’t even exist anymore.
You are superb..! Keep it up
Thank you so much 😀
@@chrisseitercoaching welcome sir
Hi Chris, thank you for your awesome channel!
We had a mutual split because he's "not sure" about kids and has been missing feelings for me as I wasn't a strong independent woman during the relationship. I started strong and independent but I lost myself from loving him so much and I learned from it. I've grown so much after the breakup. Now I'm so much happier and know how to love and invest on myself to be happy. However, I'm still in love with him :( We were together 2.5 years. The last 7 months out of 2.5 years, we did long distance until the breakup. We planed to move in together after I got back but because of the kid thing and missing feelings for me, we broke.
We talked for 5 months everyday after split. Then, I asked if he wanted to give this another try if still have feelings since me and he both realized our mistakes in the past? Or, if totally lost all feelings, I understand and would be better not to talk again (we're in different states right now) And he never responded. He seemed not to agree on not talking again because it was a big portion in our lives. So I kinda went on NC but just 1 week (sorry, I was weak not to have a straight answer from him) I contacted him with just random topics in positive energy. He responded and we talked for a few days but he wouldn't text first anymore if I don't start the conversation. During the 5 months, I acted distant and less talking because I wanted to move on a few times but he would contact me first always. I love this man so much but maybe I lost my chance didn't I? Is he moving on? What should I do next Chris? Thank you so much xxx.
I think the first point for you is to just simply make it through a no contact rule. Probably not the answer you want to hear but sometimes it's the things that make us step outside of our comfort zones that yield the best results
@@chrisseitercoaching I really appreicate you reading my long comment and gave an advice. I'll do exactly what you say and still be happy even if things wont work :) You're the first coach I've seen on youtube to respond to mostly everyone here and help us with genuine advice and kindness. I know you're very busy with all coaching plans/books but still spend time interacting with us here that it means a lot. Just want to express my appreciation and thank you for your passion and hard work♥️ please keep up your kindness and passion and ignore bad/negative comments. I've been watching your channel for a while but this is my 1st comment. I like the new editing and concepts of each video, very clear and easy to follow. And you have such a soothing and warm voice and good looking too lol You're extremely awesome Coach Chris 🥰
Thank you so much. I'm trying to give you guys the highest quality content possible. Actually working on a new free four part video course that I think everyone can benefit from.
I feel like I'm stumped at eyeroll factor with him, and it all ends in drama, and don't know how to change it. I got angry with him by text after working so hard to get him back. I blew it, now whatever I say or do he won't reply.
We've been 7 months since talking again. It's amazing face to face in person. But texting is a nightmare. I feel like he's pulling away via text. Just don't know what to do. I'm always initiating. He just replies with one sentence or laugh emojis. It's just no effort unless we are face to face.
Hey Nicola, I think I have replied above to you too, you need to attempt the push/pull technique
I will definitely be doing this thank you so much for your help. Greatly appreciated x
Not sure if this video will apply to my ex girlfriend since this was mostly "ex boyfriend" stuff.
She isnt talking to me (mostly cuz I panicked early in the month over something and currently they think that "I cant accept when things arent going my way") and honestly I just want to maintain close ties with her. MAYBE in a few years we can see about more but right now I wanna be close to her and really rekindle our friendship.
Atm my NC is on day 8. Her birthday is the end of the month so im going for about a 21 day period. Im hoping to just talk with her, see how she is. Tbh i really wish I coyld get her advice about renting and new movies to watch since she had different tastes than me on that at least partially.
A lot of it is applicable. I'm working on building Ex Girlfriend Recovery up so there will be EGR videos here in the future. I would advise you to not contact her on her birthday though. Either the day before or after. The reason is that she'll just wonder if you are reaching out because it's her birthday.
Did 4 months of no contact and reached out to my Ex the other week! He was friendly but could tell he was still guarded and said he was just concerned us talking would give false hope? Is this common? I reassured him that he doesn't need to worry about that, and that I'm not here to add pressure etc! I told him some big news that by chance I moving to a city nearer him (we went long distance before split), and we have agreed to meet up face to face to catch up in few months? :) Any tips? Is this good sign?
Hey Danielle, I think the fact he was quick to say he did not want to give you false hope is showing he thought you were getting back in touch to reconcile your relationship - I would make sure you show signs of dating casually online even if you are not. Just so he doesn't feel that you are chasing him. Keep texting but do so asking for advice or telling him things you know he would find interesting.
Chris Seiter thanks for your advice Chris! Unfortunately don’t think that would work in my situation and knowing my ex and in this situation! But thank you :)
I was very careful with my reply back to him and think the fact he then came back to say he’s happy to meet me is a positive sign? :) I’m keen to just not play any games with him, as he knows me too well :/ Tbh im just looking forward to seeing him again and seeing what happens :)
My ex broke up with me and at the start of our break up wanted to be friends, i said okay (non sexual) and it lasted two months before i ended up telling him i couldn't do it as i still loved him and said i will contact him in a month, he agreed and said once the month was over we can grab food etc. Month came and he said he wasn't ready, obviously i was confused due to the fact he was adamant he wanted to be friends and that he was the one who broke up with me, since then we haven't spoken, its been about 3 months out of 6 from our break up, I've emailed him occasionally asking how work is and that i hope life is treating him well, as ive deleted his number and he has me blocked on facebook. I've been told by his friend that he just wants to be single (6 months is the longest he has ever been single for) and that he just wants to move on, work, gym, car stuff. I'm deeply in love with this man and still really good friends with his mother. I'm so confused and have deleted all mutual friends as it was getting to me, i was asking questions and didn't want to be that person. I miss him dearly and he saved my life from a very seriously abusive relationship before hand and I'm focusing on myself as much as possible however i can't seem to let go, i miss him dearly and want him to know that the route of our break up is fixable and am willing to do anything to make myself the best person i can for him but he isn't responding. All emails have been calm, nice not angry and questioning, just wishing him luck in life. I've been on and off your pages and asking questions the day we broke up, i obsessed for a little bit then managed to find myself after the month no contact but when he said he wasn't ready to be friends it confused me and I'm more hurt than ever. He really is a great guy, i know it takes time. Im just scared that I'll not ever hear from him again. X
Did u hear from him
Hey Lizzi, how did it go? Did you ever get back in touch with him again?
1st view and 1st comment 😅🤨🙊
Haha
In short. Last week I had to contact her because she wants to dump my stuff in my car. Well due to the Coronavirus I texted her to say lets wait. She texted good idea. So then jokingly I asked her if she was ready to go gray. She dyes her hair. Anyways, I didnt expect a response. However she did, joking with me as well. Well it suddenly ended, she was at work so not unusual.
I found it interesting that when she did respond it was about a minute later. So it was a quick response, obviously. I think this was positive, considering at the breakup she said the typical "I dont love you any more, Im not happy."
P.S. She also went from just dumping my stuff in my car to asking me if I would go to her house to get it. Possibly she wants to talk?
Hi Tom, its not a bad thing that she is open to seeing you, but make sure when you go, you're looking good and smelling good. If she had a favourite cologne then wear that and do not outstay your welcome! Chat and be cool avoid any emotional conversations as much as you can. And be sure not to sleep together
@@chrisseitercoaching Ive thought about it being a good thing, however what is preventing her from leaving my stuff outside? Yes, I am guessing and I shouldn't.
Basically my plan was to go, only talk when spoken too, then leave.
The only positive I see after the NC was that she responded to my texts, and not only that responded to my texts in less than a minute. I kept the texts light, nothing serious.
She hasnt contacted me voluntarily. I foolishly made the first move. To give you some insight, not to be perverted either, but to show her personality. I really think she likes to be chased, not for ego, but it turns her on.
i made a song to get back with my ex and texted her and she hasn't responded in a month and hasn't even opened the message and its been a month now since we broke and i told her friends to tell her to check her dms but she doesn't even check them and im just thinking about giving up and loosing hope of getting her back (i broke up with her because i was angry and emotional) and i realized my mistake and what i did what do i do???
It sounds as if your ex is still not ready to speak to you. Your NC needs to be solid for 45 days - without asking her friends to talk to her for you. without sending her messages or songs etc. You need a complete break away from contact with her.
He ghosted me five weeks ago. Should I reach out? He thought I was seeing someone else behind his back but it was all in his head.
Inga Litvinsky I can recommend to relationship expert.
I was talking to my ex he didn't respond to my text so I block him we haven't talk since
My ex hasn’t responded to me because my parent’s told him to leave me alone and focus on his OW and respect her and me. They told him he’s making his own life to let me make my own. I apologized to him for what my parents did but he never responded i did 30 NC after that happened successfully, reached out and got NR, how can I get him to reply Chris 🥺😪???
Hey Eun, if he is set on being with this other woman then you may have to go 45 day NC and work on yourself in that time, start dating and use social media to show your ex and mutual friends that you are doing well and are happy. Watch my videos and read my articles about the being there method, to help you. It may take time to get him to answer you so make sure you are not reaching out with emotional messages
Hi Chris, what if he's the one to ask me a question, I answer, then I ask him the same and then no answer? I started the conversation by wishing him a happy Easter. He responded with the same and then he asked me if I was going by my mom's for Easter. I told him, no because of social distancing. Then, I said how about you? That's when he went silent. Was he just being polite? What was the point of him asking me what I was doing? I was thinking, if he didn't want to talk, then why did he ask me a question? He could have just said happy Easter and then called it a day. I just don't get it. This is one of my biggest problems, is having a normal texting conversation with him.
Hi Melissa, I think his reaching out and then stopping is just checking in to see how you are doing - and then when you reply he is satisfied that you are still talking to him and open to conversation. I would next time prepare some interesting news to tell him, or talk to him about something you know he would be interested in talking about
@@chrisseitercoaching thank you for getting back to me! That sounds about right. Before that text, it had been just over a month since I had heard from him. Then again, that's also normal, because he can be hot and cold. He actually finally responded on Friday night with "same " and a picture of him with his cat. I just just said cute cat & I guess his owner too. Then crickets again. I'll have to try texting him about something that I know that he's interested in and see how that goes.
Thanks again!
Melissa
Does NC work if you broke up because they couldn't feel deeper "love" like feelings after 1.5 year? Although this was his longest relationship, first person he brought around friends and family.. He's a dismissive avoidant I just dont see NC working if he wasnt able to develop"love" like feelings? Also dont think hes been in love before, at 29 ... give up?
Hi Chelsea, I cant really tell you to give up - based on what you said the issue is with himself not your relationship. Work the Ungettable and then from there focus on yourself, use social media to show how well you are doing with it all. And then start the texting phase. If you choose to move on focus on your Holy Trinity and youll be feeling great soon enough
@@chrisseitercoaching Im in week two of no contact, we broke up a month ago should I do the full 30 days of NC? ALSO thanks for your response and videos, theyre oh so helpful !
@@chelseagagne6786 Did you hear from him again?
Hi Chris my husband is now ignoring me and the last time he said there was no way on earth we would get back together. It’s been five months and recently it all got very nasty, I said some dreadful things as he did. Please please advise.
Hi Helen, have you actually completed a period of No contact? As if you keep pushing him to talk, get back together etc you are just pushing him further away
Chris Seiter thanks Chris no I have never completed the No contact rule . Two weeks at the most.
What does it mean if they only want to text about the kids?
For now it means they are being civil
Well I'm blocked on all platforms
Hi Brian, I would focus on yourself for some time - you will find that you ex unblocks you eventually usually when they are less emotional