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My ex broke up with me, she rarely answers my text. Shortly after our break up she would call me every 2-3 days. I told her not to call me again and I went into NC. She called me again after 17 days. We had a pleasant conversation and she told me before she hung up that she loved me. I replied with the same thing. I texted her that I enjoyed speaking with her. She replied the same. Later that night I texted her good night and have a great and wonderful day. Nothing...going back into NC. By the way our relationship is long distance.
Hi John, The early phase of the breakup can be truly emotionally confusing. That is why you would get mixed feelings during the interaction. Be sure to learn and practice Advanced Relational Skills because you would need that to achieve your goals in this journey. All the best.
Hi Desiree, We understand where you are coming from. If you feel that he hates you is just coming from the place of realization that you never gave him space. But then again, feelings do change over time. No one can hate someone forever. Eventually, any negative feelings towards someone would change.
Thanks for the idea. Generally after a long period of time, things are much easier, since there is less emotional resistance and hurt feelings hanging over both of you. Maybe I can fit this topic in next week.
They may still be mad at you, or not respond to you reaching out right away. But it's better than reaching out and pretending something didn't happen. Addressing it briefly in your first reach out makes sense. They likely will see it, not necessarily responding when you expect them too, but they're more than likely reading it over. You just have to leave it alone ,and see what happens,don't keep bugging them
My Ex often responds by believing what I am saying is meant to cause her hurt/harm and states she won't allow herself to respond to those type or hurtful questikns
My ex and I broke up last year and it was a messy break up. He's an avoidant and I'm anxious. We took nearly 6 months post the break up to reconnect. Then we finally did and I had another 5 months of a lot of back and forth and hot and cold moments while he was in another city. I tried to build a rapport with him via texts. He eventually moved back my city 2 months back in April 2022 and we met up 4 to 5 times in these past 2 months. We got close and intimate but didn't go all the way yet. We are keeping it casual. But lately he has been working on a personal project which is keeping him extremely busy. So he sometimes responds very late. Recently its been half a month and he has ghosted my last text msg. I have not heard from him at all. I'm getting anxious as to what I'd do to progress things if he never responds and keeps ghosting. I recognise he's busy but still, it doesn't take a lot to respond to a text. I haven't seen him in half a month or so. I'm starting to worry if he'll respond or we'll talk again or ever meet again if he does not reply at all. Like what can I even do if there's no response from him? He was briefly seeing someone casually for 3 months when he was in another city. But that ended and the woman hurt him and he came back here. I worry about that and if she has gotten back in touch with him. Or he's just ignoring me and not prioritizing meeting me. It's been raining a lot in our area lately. Could be why he's not moving out much either. But I'm really anxious and sad, not hearing from him at all. What can I do here?
Clay, this is the exact approach I took with my ex. Came forward in a vulnerable way, addressed the issues directly in caring ways, tried to focus on rebuilding the emotional connection without addressing the relationship, and wound up blocked on all social media... So how do I approach her now? If you could address being blocked, it would mean a lot.
I could probably make a video on that topic. Sometimes your directness may be too much for your ex to handle, so you may wan to walk it back a bit: "Hey, sorry if that was a bit intense. I think it needed to be said, but I can understand if that was too much. I don't want things to be awkward or anything, so I'm hoping we can just take things one day at a time."
This isn't my CZcams account btw, I used some of your methods sometime ago and got my ex back but we're separated again, going on about a month. At first I went no contact instantly and she told me you know you can talk to me, so I did and I got leave me alone. Shortly after she started postering and telling me she never wanted to get back with me in the first place. Anyways, she's mostly cold and seems mad over nothing, but just a few days ago she basically made me to come to our apartment and made me stay for about 3 & a half hours. We had fun laughed, joked and flirted, she even showed me herself in lingerie. I wanted to hug her so bad and wanted to take a step but I didn't. Now she's back to being cold and acting like she hates me. Can you tell me which phase I'm at. Last time the first time I seen your videos I was on about stage 3.5 lol
Btw I ruined my relationship by following alpha male strategies. We were perfect before I started being a duece bag fighting for power in the relationship.
She blocked me on everything after I caught her talking to her ex (lives in another state) behind my back and exposing her. She confessed her feelings for her ex but because I spoke with him he wants nothing to do with her. She blocked me because I informed him of what was going on. She lied to us both.
Definitely not, I’ve got higher standards for the person I want to be with. I just wanted to talk things out and get closure but she literally told me she won’t give me closure. Like she doesn’t want me to move on.
It’s been two months now and I’m already talking to other people. She was telling family that she needs space but she doesn’t know how long it will take. Yet I see her on dating websites and she was trying to get with her ex..:
Focus on what is best for you. aauxila. Remember that the only person that you can control in any situation is just yourself and not your ex or the others. If she is not ready to have that closure, that is something that we have to understand for now. If you decided to move on and heal, you can truly do that. The closure with your ex will come along at the right moment.
Wise words sir you hit it right on the money. I believe she’s truly a covert narcissist. She was disrespectful to her ex after he told her he couldn’t talk to her anymore. Made him feel worthless like he meant nothing. I believe she’s just desperate to find someone to rebound with (new supply). But hey it’s not my problem anymore. Do you truly believe she will be ready to offer that closure one day? I might not care to hear it later honestly.
My ex (or the girl I was dating, it was a six week thing) is responding to my texts, sometimes with a bit of flirtation, but there sometimes can be up to 20 hours before she opens them. She will hit sometimes with somewhat quick replies and then she will seem to wait most of a day. What could be behind that (besides just disinterest of course)?
"Go with the flow" can be a good strategy if you mean "follow the natural flow of the interaction." It can be a poor strategy if you mean "do whatever the other person wants to do."
Thank you for the video.I bought your course ,however it does not say how frequently should i initiate the talk.Ideally how often should be a week? I know it should not be a robo texting,but what is your suggestion? I do not want to look nuisance.Thank you
She messaged me how I was and after I responded she just mentioned she was good and checking in. I teased her about checking in on me but she didn’t bite
@D R...how long did it take for you to respond. The saying is that you shouldn't answer right away when the exes call or text. Just speaking from experience and I should have listened to the relationship experts.
How exactly did you respond? Was it with something non-invested like "fine" or "good"? If so, then that may be why she dropped off. If you responded with something more revealing, and she just responded with "good," it may be that you could have probed a bit more... possibly by mentioning something that you know is going on in her life or asking about something you know she cares about.
My ex was reaching out and replying, then after we had plans and he cancelled I got a little upset. I said he would make time if he wanted to. He said he’s busy with work and will have time “sometime in the next few weeks”. I want to reconnect with him and start over, but I am having trouble getting him to make time to see me. How can I spur him into action? Our breakup was bc he was depressed and we moved fast. Help!
We have been broken up for 3 1/2 months and right after I did no contact for 7 weeks. After no contact is when we had good reconnection. He was excited to hear from me (and told a mutual friend). I don’t get why he fell off...
Hi Krissy, We may not be able to tell you exactly why your ex decided to cancel. But maybe, he may not have that emotional readiness yet to have a face to face meet up. Continue to build his confidence through positive interaction in a medium in which both of you are comfortable for now until he becomes truly ready. All the best.
Hi Clay, my ex broke up with me a month ago. After 2 weeks of NC he contacted me saying he wants to chat with me, we were meant to meet up as well but he cancelled last minute twice. I've been texting him, trying to connect with him but I can't seem to be making any progress, I initiate contact which I don't mind but the problem is that we can't manage to go over the superficial talk and sometimes he doesn't reply. I'm concerned that he might give up on us for good if things don't change. What should I do? Thank you for your helpful videos and books :)
Hi Daphne, It seems like your ex is at the Wall of Reactance phase. The best thing that you can do is to focus on working on the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach and likewise change your approach in contacting him.
Need some advice, we broke up two months ago I did nc for a month and then reached out. We meet up to talk and I apologized for my actions and we caught up on our lives. And then we got intimate. After he left we texted a bit (just flirting back and fourth) and then radio silence, he stopped replying. Yesterday a friend came up to me and told me he was asking about me but still hasn’t reached out. It’s very confusing and not sure what to do
Clay Andrews thanks for responding! I texted him twice and he never responded, that was about three weeks ago. I just stepped back and let him have his space. My thoughts were maybe the meet up and being intimate conflicted him and made his feelings get mixed up
Things have gotten heated during the break up, my ex is talking to another woman but says he is not ready to be in a relationship, and of course we have a child together so we have to stay in contact but it’s been 10 months and I really don’t know if we can come back from everything or does things change over time?
Hi Whitley, Getting back together can be our end goal. That is defined by the things that we do during the process. So we have to reflect, what are the things that we have done to inspire our ex to get back to us? Have you gained our ex's trust back by being with us over again? How are the current dynamics, did it changed for the better or it's just the same as it was before? All the best.
My Husband and I are separated he said that he's not sure if he wants to stay married or not but he still wants to have sex. What should I do? Separate for 6 months 😥
Don't think that the physical connection is a backdoor to an emotional connection. Focus on the emotional connection and everything else will fall into place.
The past and that he still love me but it is hard for him to forget. We have a great connection we talk almost every night we have lunch once a week we laugh but when it comes to recommitting to the marriage he said he can't focus on that right now he's focusing when he self.
Hello clay, I reached out to my ex with a plan of how things would be different and how I have been working on my self at the end I asked are you open to getting together to talk! No response this is I would say the third time I’ve reached out and no response any advice on what I should do next also we broke up today would be 1 week and a day
Hi Nancy, I'm sorry to hear that you haven't received any form of response from your ex. But a no response is still a response. If you have just broke up, there are still a lot of negative emotions between the two of you that needs to settle down. give your ex the needed time and space to process on his emotions. All the best.
Clay Andrews Thank you clay. I am sort of a pickle We are god parents and I have many of my belongings including a dresser at his house How would I break no contact to ask for my things back after I’ve asked and he hasn’t replied to me in regards to my belongings ?
Do you have a trusted common friend? Maybe you can ask them to get your belongings on your behalf. It seems like he is not that open to any form of conversation and he might be seeing your attempt to reach out about the belonging for him to just talk to you.
Clay Andrews Yes, Since we are god parents I could always ask his brother . Another thing I forgot to mention is actually I’ve been staying at his brothers house since I’m a nanny for them And his brother says “Nancys inside you don’t have to come into the house if you don’t want to... but he says no it’s okay and still comes in Though... we have not seen each other One time he dropped off his brother in front of his apartment and I was in the courtyard and we noticed he actually drove by a second time to see if I was still there this behavior is confusing to me .
Thanks for watching this video. If you aren't already on our newsletter, you can sign up over at relationshipinnergame.com to get customized advice for your situation.
This is right on the money Clay. I made all these mistakes. A perfect storm of wrong moves. Wish I had you back then.
Thank you for the kind words!
My ex broke up with me, she rarely answers my text. Shortly after our break up she would call me every 2-3 days. I told her not to call me again and I went into NC. She called me again after 17 days. We had a pleasant conversation and she told me before she hung up that she loved me. I replied with the same thing. I texted her that I enjoyed speaking with her. She replied the same. Later that night I texted her good night and have a great and wonderful day. Nothing...going back into NC. By the way our relationship is long distance.
Hi John, The early phase of the breakup can be truly emotionally confusing. That is why you would get mixed feelings during the interaction. Be sure to learn and practice Advanced Relational Skills because you would need that to achieve your goals in this journey. All the best.
I feel like mine is just a lost cause at this point...😔
I'm sorry to hear that, Desiree.
I think my problem is is because I never gave him space after the break up and now I feel like he just hates me
Hi Desiree, We understand where you are coming from. If you feel that he hates you is just coming from the place of realization that you never gave him space. But then again, feelings do change over time. No one can hate someone forever. Eventually, any negative feelings towards someone would change.
Clay Andrews that’s good to know thank you clay
Mine too. I know it sucks
A video of....when you get back in contact “after no contact or a couple of years” how you manage that communication....would be great
Thanks for the idea. Generally after a long period of time, things are much easier, since there is less emotional resistance and hurt feelings hanging over both of you. Maybe I can fit this topic in next week.
They may still be mad at you, or not respond to you reaching out right away. But it's better than reaching out and pretending something didn't happen. Addressing it briefly in your first reach out makes sense.
They likely will see it, not necessarily responding when you expect them too, but they're more than likely reading it over. You just have to leave it alone ,and see what happens,don't keep bugging them
My Ex often responds by believing what I am saying is meant to cause her hurt/harm and states she won't allow herself to respond to those type or hurtful questikns
My ex and I broke up last year and it was a messy break up. He's an avoidant and I'm anxious. We took nearly 6 months post the break up to reconnect. Then we finally did and I had another 5 months of a lot of back and forth and hot and cold moments while he was in another city. I tried to build a rapport with him via texts. He eventually moved back my city 2 months back in April 2022 and we met up 4 to 5 times in these past 2 months. We got close and intimate but didn't go all the way yet. We are keeping it casual. But lately he has been working on a personal project which is keeping him extremely busy. So he sometimes responds very late. Recently its been half a month and he has ghosted my last text msg. I have not heard from him at all. I'm getting anxious as to what I'd do to progress things if he never responds and keeps ghosting. I recognise he's busy but still, it doesn't take a lot to respond to a text. I haven't seen him in half a month or so. I'm starting to worry if he'll respond or we'll talk again or ever meet again if he does not reply at all. Like what can I even do if there's no response from him?
He was briefly seeing someone casually for 3 months when he was in another city. But that ended and the woman hurt him and he came back here. I worry about that and if she has gotten back in touch with him. Or he's just ignoring me and not prioritizing meeting me. It's been raining a lot in our area lately. Could be why he's not moving out much either. But I'm really anxious and sad, not hearing from him at all. What can I do here?
Clay, this is the exact approach I took with my ex. Came forward in a vulnerable way, addressed the issues directly in caring ways, tried to focus on rebuilding the emotional connection without addressing the relationship, and wound up blocked on all social media... So how do I approach her now? If you could address being blocked, it would mean a lot.
I could probably make a video on that topic. Sometimes your directness may be too much for your ex to handle, so you may wan to walk it back a bit: "Hey, sorry if that was a bit intense. I think it needed to be said, but I can understand if that was too much. I don't want things to be awkward or anything, so I'm hoping we can just take things one day at a time."
This isn't my CZcams account btw, I used some of your methods sometime ago and got my ex back but we're separated again, going on about a month. At first I went no contact instantly and she told me you know you can talk to me, so I did and I got leave me alone. Shortly after she started postering and telling me she never wanted to get back with me in the first place. Anyways, she's mostly cold and seems mad over nothing, but just a few days ago she basically made me to come to our apartment and made me stay for about 3 & a half hours. We had fun laughed, joked and flirted, she even showed me herself in lingerie. I wanted to hug her so bad and wanted to take a step but I didn't. Now she's back to being cold and acting like she hates me. Can you tell me which phase I'm at. Last time the first time I seen your videos I was on about stage 3.5 lol
Btw I ruined my relationship by following alpha male strategies. We were perfect before I started being a duece bag fighting for power in the relationship.
She blocked me on everything after I caught her talking to her ex (lives in another state) behind my back and exposing her. She confessed her feelings for her ex but because I spoke with him he wants nothing to do with her. She blocked me because I informed him of what was going on. She lied to us both.
I'm sorry to hear about that. The question now is, are you okay with someone lying to you about something like this?
Definitely not, I’ve got higher standards for the person I want to be with. I just wanted to talk things out and get closure but she literally told me she won’t give me closure. Like she doesn’t want me to move on.
It’s been two months now and I’m already talking to other people. She was telling family that she needs space but she doesn’t know how long it will take. Yet I see her on dating websites and she was trying to get with her ex..:
Focus on what is best for you. aauxila. Remember that the only person that you can control in any situation is just yourself and not your ex or the others. If she is not ready to have that closure, that is something that we have to understand for now. If you decided to move on and heal, you can truly do that. The closure with your ex will come along at the right moment.
Wise words sir you hit it right on the money. I believe she’s truly a covert narcissist. She was disrespectful to her ex after he told her he couldn’t talk to her anymore. Made him feel worthless like he meant nothing. I believe she’s just desperate to find someone to rebound with (new supply). But hey it’s not my problem anymore. Do you truly believe she will be ready to offer that closure one day? I might not care to hear it later honestly.
My ex (or the girl I was dating, it was a six week thing) is responding to my texts, sometimes with a bit of flirtation, but there sometimes can be up to 20 hours before she opens them. She will hit sometimes with somewhat quick replies and then she will seem to wait most of a day. What could be behind that (besides just disinterest of course)?
Hey... Go with the flow.
"Go with the flow" can be a good strategy if you mean "follow the natural flow of the interaction." It can be a poor strategy if you mean "do whatever the other person wants to do."
Thank you for the video.I bought your course ,however it does not say how frequently should i initiate the talk.Ideally how often should be a week? I know it should not be a robo texting,but what is your suggestion? I do not want to look nuisance.Thank you
She messaged me how I was and after I responded she just mentioned she was good and checking in. I teased her about checking in on me but she didn’t bite
@D R...how long did it take for you to respond. The saying is that you shouldn't answer right away when the exes call or text. Just speaking from experience and I should have listened to the relationship experts.
How exactly did you respond? Was it with something non-invested like "fine" or "good"? If so, then that may be why she dropped off. If you responded with something more revealing, and she just responded with "good," it may be that you could have probed a bit more... possibly by mentioning something that you know is going on in her life or asking about something you know she cares about.
My ex was reaching out and replying, then after we had plans and he cancelled I got a little upset. I said he would make time if he wanted to. He said he’s busy with work and will have time “sometime in the next few weeks”. I want to reconnect with him and start over, but I am having trouble getting him to make time to see me. How can I spur him into action? Our breakup was bc he was depressed and we moved fast. Help!
We have been broken up for 3 1/2 months and right after I did no contact for 7 weeks. After no contact is when we had good reconnection. He was excited to hear from me (and told a mutual friend). I don’t get why he fell off...
Hi Krissy, We may not be able to tell you exactly why your ex decided to cancel. But maybe, he may not have that emotional readiness yet to have a face to face meet up. Continue to build his confidence through positive interaction in a medium in which both of you are comfortable for now until he becomes truly ready. All the best.
Hi Clay, my ex broke up with me a month ago. After 2 weeks of NC he contacted me saying he wants to chat with me, we were meant to meet up as well but he cancelled last minute twice. I've been texting him, trying to connect with him but I can't seem to be making any progress, I initiate contact which I don't mind but the problem is that we can't manage to go over the superficial talk and sometimes he doesn't reply. I'm concerned that he might give up on us for good if things don't change. What should I do?
Thank you for your helpful videos and books :)
Hi Daphne, It seems like your ex is at the Wall of Reactance phase. The best thing that you can do is to focus on working on the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach and likewise change your approach in contacting him.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you Clay! I will do that
Need some advice, we broke up two months ago I did nc for a month and then reached out. We meet up to talk and I apologized for my actions and we caught up on our lives. And then we got intimate. After he left we texted a bit (just flirting back and fourth) and then radio silence, he stopped replying. Yesterday a friend came up to me and told me he was asking about me but still hasn’t reached out. It’s very confusing and not sure what to do
What would happen if you contacted him?
Clay Andrews thanks for responding! I texted him twice and he never responded, that was about three weeks ago. I just stepped back and let him have his space. My thoughts were maybe the meet up and being intimate conflicted him and made his feelings get mixed up
@@torimartin1626update?
Things have gotten heated during the break up, my ex is talking to another woman but says he is not ready to be in a relationship, and of course we have a child together so we have to stay in contact but it’s been 10 months and I really don’t know if we can come back from everything or does things change over time?
Hi Whitley, Getting back together can be our end goal. That is defined by the things that we do during the process. So we have to reflect, what are the things that we have done to inspire our ex to get back to us? Have you gained our ex's trust back by being with us over again? How are the current dynamics, did it changed for the better or it's just the same as it was before? All the best.
Clay Andrews So hopefully he will see change and we can better the friendship first
Clay I’m trying to email you but it won’t deliver!!! What is the correct email? I got your news letter and it said to reply but it won’t deliver
You can send us an email at hello@modernlove.life and our team will pick things up from there. :-)
My Husband and I are separated he said that he's not sure if he wants to stay married or not but he still wants to have sex. What should I do? Separate for 6 months 😥
Don't think that the physical connection is a backdoor to an emotional connection. Focus on the emotional connection and everything else will fall into place.
We have been together for 25years and have 3 young men he said that he can't stop thinking about the
The past and that he still love me but it is hard for him to forget. We have a great connection we talk almost every night we have lunch once a week we laugh but when it comes to recommitting to the marriage he said he can't focus on that right now he's focusing when he self.
DO NOT HAVE SEX
Hello clay,
I reached out to my ex with a plan of how things would be different and how I have been working on my self at the end I asked are you open to getting together to talk! No response this is I would say the third time I’ve reached out and no response any advice on what I should do next also we broke up today would be 1 week and a day
Hi Nancy, I'm sorry to hear that you haven't received any form of response from your ex. But a no response is still a response. If you have just broke up, there are still a lot of negative emotions between the two of you that needs to settle down. give your ex the needed time and space to process on his emotions. All the best.
Clay Andrews Thank you clay. I am sort of a pickle We are god parents and I have many of my belongings including a dresser at his house
How would I break no contact to ask for my things back after I’ve asked and he hasn’t replied to me in regards to my belongings ?
It has now been 2 weeks today
Do you have a trusted common friend? Maybe you can ask them to get your belongings on your behalf. It seems like he is not that open to any form of conversation and he might be seeing your attempt to reach out about the belonging for him to just talk to you.
Clay Andrews Yes, Since we are god parents I could always ask his brother . Another thing I forgot to mention is actually I’ve been staying at his brothers house since I’m a nanny for them
And his brother says “Nancys inside you don’t have to come into the house if you don’t want to... but he says no it’s okay and still comes in
Though... we have not seen each other
One time he dropped off his brother in front of his apartment and I was in the courtyard and we noticed he actually drove by a second time to see if I was still there this behavior is confusing to me .