I Never Told My Parents I Had a Baby...
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- čas přidán 28. 09. 2020
- I Never Told My Parents I Had a Baby...
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A 26-year-old male impregnated an 18-year-old female and urged her to keep it a secret from her parents…. That’s a bad situation.
And they were together three years???
I thought she said she didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth. It was a quick statement and not explained, but I got the impression the birth was quick and unexpected, so she decided adoption since she was so young.
I'm glad I'm not the only one mathing this situation out.... "He's just a few years older... He's in his late 20's and felt he shoulda been ready... I'm only 20...." 😬
@@christinaburkemper3105yup! Right on
🎯
This relationship is over. She just doesn’t know it yet. A man that’s not willing to take care of you and your baby will never commit to you. Ever!
He won't even look at the baby book.
@@Nan-ElleHe will regret not keeping it and will feel guilty and resentful.
Maybe he wanted the baby and dident have a say in it
@@AtHost98 likely carry that regret to his grave.....he may even be getting depressed or something.....never underestimate the devastating effect of such a circumstance on the father of the child.....
I do give her credit for having the baby and finding a good home.
Absolutely
She said she found out she was pregnant "as she was having him." She didn't really had a choice in the matter... 😂
I would love to hear the update. The boyfriend sounds like a loser.
This couple is a train wreck.
Can I just say that the continuous advice to go to breakfast or coffee for hard conversations may not always be the best advice. I have felt trapped in restaurants when a family member has invited me for "tough conversations" and I hate it. I have felt I was unable to say what I wanted to say, or cry or be upset because other people were watching. I would much rather be invited to a quiet place or someone's home than a public place. Food does not make bad news taste better.
Uh that's the point
I believe he said they should go to a restaurant because when they are in a public place her parents will have to think about how they are going to respond to the situation because once words are spoken you can’t take them back
@@sharlenewilson628 I guess the difference is that he told her to warn them in advance that there was going to be a hard conversation, while I thought I was being invited out to a friendly lunch. My family member has done this to me twice when I would have much preferred a phone call. I felt trapped and angry I had to sit through a meal when all I wanted to do was leave.
I've had so many tough conversations over a meal that when I'm stressed the first thing I do is lose my appetite. I get why he suggests discussions over a meal but it's a hard no for me.
There are corners or coves in some cafes.. but it keeps thinsg civil
If she went through an entire pregnancy without her parents knowing, I have to question how close of a relationship she has with her parents and how much dysfunction may be buried in her family.
I've been married for 7yrs and have twins and my family doesn't know. We are close, I do all the visiting and we don't live in the same state.
@@ElaineLoyd That doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't you want your parents to have a relationship with their grandkids if you are close? You're robbing both your kids and your parents of a very important relationship.
Assumptions are almost always wrong.
@@Jaisee14 Are you assuming that statement to be true? Anyway, I'm not sure why you made that statement because no one is making assumptions in this thread.
Yeh, I wondered how close the caller was too. When she said that she and her mom speak once per week, I thought...we have different interpretations of "close"...
I feel like she's covering for the guy alot. Get the feeling she's 100% into the relationship but he just don't give AF about her.
me too. she's not being honest or is in denial. i also believe she gave the baby up for him.
Really? I didn't get that. I think she's putting the wedding off (need a house etc) because she's not sure.
@@nicolab2075 Everyone in this day and age, wanting to buy a house before marriage think that is what we all did in the past decades. NO! The marriage comes first, then combining lives, then plans for the future. The problem too is people buying a house together before the are married. That comes fraught with issues down the road if they never end up marrying.
No, it is just an excuse to put off getting married.
If people are truly in love, want to spend their lives together they get married. No waiting around, other than perhaps finishing education degree they started.
Marriage, a place to live, then a house, then a baby carriage. In that order is nice, but many times baby comes first.
But, people should not make one excuse for holding off marriage for that car, house, and especially not that big wedding.
Get married, build a life together, many times those marriages last. Because they worked hard together, they went through the start up poor days, and on into a home, even a rental, to buy furnishings together, and so forth. The baby coming first is a challenge. She sounds positive about the baby now, but I am not sure in a few years how she will feel, or when the adopted parents can see there are challenges now between child wanting to be more with birth mother or the sorrow of the child knowing he was GIVEN away.
I know people who adopted, and allowed the birth mother into their lives since child was a baby. She turned a teen and wanted to live with birth Mom, because she could not, she rebelled and became a real wild child. The parents were devastated. I do not know what happened to the adopted Mom, but that is not the cozy scenario as the child grows.
My Aunty gave a child up for adoption, the girl would look across the Strait to where Aunty live.... and dream of meeting her real Mom. She eventually did, but her adoptive parents were very saddened by this and ended up estranging from her, as well as her adopted siblings.
Nothing cozy about what this woman is expecting for the future for her child. I really hope though, it might be an exception to the rule. And of course the worse thing is adopting out a child and then not being able to have children in the future.
Please people think long and hard about adopting out.
She was living with a 28 year old guy at 18 ????? Why wasn’t she at home??? Teenagers don’t need to be living with much older men there must have been super family problems there. They going to be mad at that 28 year old also. Am I reading this right???
@@VelveteenRabbit77 I know (sadly) many young girls -- almost women, (for a female is not fully mature in most ways, physically and emotionally until age 25.) who got seduced by the older guy. Fairly good decent homes, and yes, I knew them very well, so nothing dysfunctional.
Some girls or men, do this, the men prey on the younger nubile girls, and it usually is the very wild rebellious one, or the very naive one.
So maybe parents might prepare young women about the wolves out there is the complaint.
He is 26 when he has a child and not man enough take care of the child? Are you sure you want to marry him?
She said she wasn't ready.
@@janephillips3627 I think if she loved him she'd be ready. She's putting it off because she's not sure, I think
“Man enough” is a term that shouldn’t be used when referring to the life of a child. If they felt that they weren’t ready then you can’t say “ he isn’t man enough”
It wasn’t just his child. ‘My body my choice’ right ?? Isn’t that what the world wanted ???
She was the one who wasn't ready, and why would she be? She was only 19. That's the problem with men over 25 dating teenagers.
Do NOT take your parents to Denny's and drop this bomb on them. This is much too sensitive and will be devastating to them. To take them somewhere public would be cowardly
Correct. They should be home, kitchen table or patio. Bring donuts or cookies if you want to break the ice with sweets but don't lock them in a Denny's booth with waiters, dishes etc.
The ‘boyfriend’ should man-up and be by her side as she tells her parents of the existence of the child they created together, and that they decided, again together, to place for adoption. He had to sign those adoption papers, too, in order to waive his parental rights.
Talking private issues in public? Sounds like a What Would You Do episode 😂
Yes it is like saying they don't have a right to have emotions. They should be able to yell and walk away and be able to come back and walk through their new life.
N S yeah that’s exactly what I thought too
She is 20 and he is late 20s and they've been together over 3 years? I don't like the math on that. He was what, 25 dating a girl still in high school?
Yep that’s sick
Their going to be devastated....plus her parents are never going to approve of her dating this guy now.
...which is sad, because the caller said herself, he was more hurt and affected by the adoption than she was. My guess is he wanted to keep the baby.
Wait what? Even her siblings know. Wow,
@@Veronica-tk9rlno he wanted to abort but now feels bad, he would have probably been a dead beat dad
They’re*
They’re*
Hope she doesn't marry him and move forward with her life.
She must have a strained relationship with her parents to hide something like that from them.
Oh yeah, at 19 that should be impossible to hide.
Unless they don’t live near eachother. Thinking there’s a 6 month period where they don’t see eachother isn’t hard to imagine
The grandparents may have wanted tje child
I agree. At some point they mustve considered giving the kid to their own parents.
Unless you have gone through the thought process that leads you to choosing adoption then you won’t understand how the caller is feeling or why she’s waited until now to want to talk about it
Sound like buddy was dating her while she was under age.
🤔
did you even listen?
Yeah. If she's 20 now, and they've been together 3 years...
@@bdrm2009 he is a little bit older if you heard
@@faxoxo2306 not just a little...
Omg those poor parents!! They’re going to be completely devastated!!
honestly adoption is a wonderful outcome. and it wasn't their decision to make, it was hers. they should get over any devastation and ask how they can be more involved in their daughter's lives. she obviously didn't feel comfortable telling them for a reason
Then her parents need to realize that: THIS ISN'T ABOUT THEM! (I am a grand parent - my KIDS ALWAYS COME FIRST.)
@@aundirussell8644 the reason is likely that her boyfriend is a groomer. No the parents do not have to get over statutory rape.
There's a reason the parents were so disconnected from their daughter that they didn't even know she was pregnant.
The point is that they would have had a chance to process it as things progressed. It is devastating. That's their grandbaby. Now they have to process having a grandababy they may NEVER get to meet AND the fact that their daughter lied (by omission) to them for so long about something so huge
Standing ovation for a 19 year old to have the presence of mind to see beyond her situation and give the gift of a stable and loving family to her child. And for giving a couple the gift of a family. Not an easy decision. I applaud her bravery and selflessness.
I also applaud the adoptive Mom for opening her heart to let this young woman watch her bio-child grow up, as she does the same.
I am sorry, it's good she didn't abort, but I wouldn't give her a standing ovation. There are so many contraceptives out there. She was active, so take the proper precautions. It's sad that she didn't trust her parents.
@@coureenlawrence4915 She should've aborted
@@coureenlawrence4915 not really. Abortion is actually better because then the baby is never born in the first place. There’s no harm or trauma. If you’re never born to begin with. Being put up for adoption there’s always the possibility of trauma, even if you have amazing loving parents.
So abortion is no trauma? Wow, abortion is all trauma.
@@anniec3438 how can you have trauma if you’re never born in the first place?
OMG my father's reaction would have made the Chernobyl nuclear accident looked like a trip to Disneyland
He may have surprised you. I thought the same thing when I became a single mom nearly 3 decades ago. I had to tell my dad be a I stopped breathing on Dec 23rd and was EMS’d to the hospital. Christmas Eve family party where many smoked (never me as I have life threatening asthma…I wonder why). Anyhow, I had to tell my Aunt no one could smoke…and why. She said I really had to tell my Dad. When I did, instead of going nuclear as was his norm, he shrugged his shoulders, tutted and said, “It happens.” I was floored! Then, he went to the party and BRAGGED! Ugh. I really didn’t want to deal with all the questions that day, but my family was great.
My DD is now married, a mom and a wonderful special ed teacher! I married a wonderful man when she was 4. As the ceremony ended she pulled on my hubby’s vest and asked, “ Can I call you Daddy, now?” We went on to have 4 more children! He loves us with his whole soul! We have 2 married kids, two great SILs, 3 kids still in school (HS and elementary) and two grandkids with many more to come!
My dad told me that if we ever got into that situation, he and my mom would raise the baby. I never had the situation arise, but I was surprised, and glad, to learn that.
Good for her for giving the baby to a loving family.
This young woman isn't going to marry this guy. If she does, his inability to deal with what happened, almost 2 years later, will torpedo the relationship. Her interest in sharing this with her parents indicates that she knows this relationship isn't going to be permanent.
Yep. She's turning to her parents to get the support he won't give her. Also, he's almost a decade older than her, so...yikes.
Sounds more like boyfriend is running the show. She’s 20 years old, he’s 28. He hooked up with a teenager when he was 25 to 26 and convinced her to place the child for adoption because he didn’t want to step up to be the dad. Her parents are going to be hurt and disappointed. Mostly, they’re going to be enraged with BF. This caller is emotionally immature. I wonder how she’ll feel when BF comes to her, after her parents have been told of the baby, and tells her he can’t continue with the relationship. I have 2 sons, and it would absolutely crush their dad and me if they had done (birth, adoption, secret) this to their girlfriends.
@@sarahb8147 I had the same thought
@@probablynot1368 Terrible. Stupid kids (her) creating a life with just anyone who used her. She says that he's going through a lot. What about her? She had to give away her child and the child that will ask one day, why was I given away? Her boyfriend should be ashamed.
@@probablynot1368 You're making a huge assumption saying he did something to her. She's grown. She made that decision with him. You can even hear it in her voice that she's happy with the decision that she made. Stop assuming he's some evil person. I actually think he didn't want to do the adoption, which is why he feels so much shame.
I'm pregnant and hormonal and this is making me so weepy. To the gal in the call, I'm so proud of you for making a courageous choice for your baby. You are a good mom.
I don't think that makes her a good mom. The adoptive parent is a good mom. She made a responsible decision using what self-awareness and honesty she had available to her at the time. I think the more apt praise is what a good , mature person!
@P B breaking news, accidents happen, and kids are dumb sometimes. don't crucify peoples character. blame the grown up creep that knocked her up too
@@dahliaherrod4301 She made the best decision she could with the circumstances she was in when she was pregnant. She was young, stupid, and with a guy who is probably a total creep. A 26 year old has no business dating a girl in HS. she could've had an abortion or been in a bad situation to raise a baby. instead she had the baby and adopted it out to someone who loves it. get off your high horse
@@thistleskeptic 19 is an adult
Whaaaat???? They both do not want the responsibility of raising their own child. To me they are horrible parents, For your father and mother to not want you and give you away is the ultimate evil and betrayal that they can do to the child. But karma will catch up to them both because how can you give away your own blood n flesh!😭😭🤦♀️🤦♂️
I am married to an adopted child. He loves his family, he is so relieved they “gave him away.” It’s an act of amazing love to care for a child in this way. Every good parent has to make decisions and sacrifices to raise their child. Giving up a baby for adoption is all of that!
I used to do crisis pregnancy counseling. We don’t say, “gave up the baby for adoption”, or “gave it away”, we say, “the baby was placed for adoption”, because that infers that the woman made a wise and conscious decision. She probably didn’t want to “give up” her baby, depending upon the circumstances of her pregnancy, but she felt it was right to give that baby life and let another family raise it.
If they are going to get married and have more kids I think their first child would resent that. If she had told her parents they probably would've kept the baby. Obviously these are all my own assumptions.
I know a couple who was in this exact situation and it all worked out just fine. The baby girl grew up happy with a wonderful family and she loves her adoptive and birth families. She understood that her birth parents were really young and they made the best decision they could at the time. I know that may not happen in every situation but I wouldn't assume it can't work out. I think honesty from a young age is the most important thing.
This was my thought as well. Her parents may grieve the lost opportunity to know or even raise the child themselves. But again, wouldn't she know if they'd ve likely to do so? I wish she'd shared her reasons for keeping this a secret from them.
@@AriD2385 Well think of it this way, there's two of them involved. How do you think his parents would feel if he they found out that he had a baby with a girl and they gave that baby up to her parents? It's actually cleaner to find a third party. Also we don't know how old her parents are, or their health.
Exactly.
The 1st child will always feel left out. He/she would wonder why...
Don't have a baby at 20/21, when you just gave one up. That would be really hard for the 1st child to understand.
Yeah and I wonder what her other kids will go through knowing that their first sibling was given away. They are going to struggle too wondering if mom will give them away too. The way kids think is so interesting.
I feel like every single person including Dr. John completely missed what she said about having the baby. She said she found out she was pregnant AS she was having him. So she completely did not know she was pregnant for 9 months, probably went into the hospital for extreme stomach pain and they told her you're in labor with a baby. It's more common than you think. So if she literally went in for stomach pain and became a mother within just hours, then you can understand how she was in shock and made such a rash decision as a scared 19-year-old who just became a mom out of nowhere. Makes much more sense than her actually hiding a 9-month pregnancy and not telling her parents.
I can tell you I 100% don’t believe anyone can go a full pregnancy not knowing. Living in denial sure. But she would have known. Don’t believe her one bit.
@@PinkieJoJo It happens often enough that there's a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant." WebMD says "One in 2,500 women go all the way to delivery before realizing they're having a baby. That's about three times more common than the chance of having triplets."
@@PinkieJoJoone of my friends told me she was pregnant when she was 8 months old. She DID know, but I had no idea and she was 8 months along! She just did not show, maybe a little bigger but honestly I didn’t even notice until she told me and I looked closer.
Also, you’d be surprised how powerful self-denial can be. It’s not “I am choosing to ignore this”, but your brain just avoiding certain things until it has to face them. My dad slept off a stroke because he thought he was just exhausted from over working, didn’t find out until a later stroke.
Human bodies and brains are insanely different and weird, you can absolutely not know you are pregnant until you are in labour. Wilder things happen all the time.
@PinkieJoJo It's called a Cryptic Pregnancy, women can have retroverted uteruses which means the baby grows towards the spine, no baby bump visible at all. There are full blown medical journals about this phenomenon. You can refuse to believe it all you want but it doesn't make it any less true that it exists.
That’s BS. Sure it’s possible, but it’s not “more common” than you think
Wow do not marry that guy! And then go on to have more kids it makes no sense. She needs to also stop referring to the adopted child as “my baby” because it’s not anymore. They made the choice to give the baby up so step back and allow the parents to take care of their new child. It’s not your child anymore
Wow, what an insensitive thing to say. The baby will always be flesh of her flesh, and it doesn't sound like she's hindering the relationship between the baby and adopting parents in any way. Further, imagine being that child, knowing your mother gave you up and then also disowned you.
Hmm nah I think getting given up when she could have kept him/her is bad enough. I think having her nearby is torture once he gets to understand / why doesn’t mama want him. Sad stuff!
100% correct. She can not pretend and play games with child’s life. Leave them alone.
She did the right thing for her child. Hope he/she grows up happy.
The best thing about this entire situation is there’s HOPE. She had the baby and then placed it for adoption, has an open relationship with the adoptive parents. As an adopted child who’s birth mom did a closed adoption this is just music to my heart!
You were so brave and made such smart loving choices.
If you choose to tell your parents, I pray they understand and maybe one day the child will want to know then, it’s always a possibility.
I’d give anything even at 47 to know who my birth mom is, what she looks like.
💖
I pray one day you get the chance to find out the missing pieces of your birth family & the history of who/where you come from.
Some of these comments have been so hateful, full of judgement and disrespectful. And the exact reason why so many birth parents choose to not share their story. I placed my youngest for adoption, I have a very close relationship with his mom & im grateful I get to see him grow up and know just how loved he is. I’m still working through my own shame in telling others my adoption story, but it’s getting easier in time.
Have you done an Ancestry DNA test? I did one to find my dad. My mom only knew a few details about him. Found him and my half siblings and aunt's and cousins.
EXACTLY! I agree
No, No, No!!! Please do not do this in a public restaurant. The parents are going to be blindsided and devaststed. Give them the respect of doing this in a quiet, private environment.
I'm glad she didn't abort the child, that shows more maturity than her much older boyfriend.
The parents have earned the right to never approve of this guy. I realize I don't know him, but he sounds like a loser. She needs to move on.
She deserves him just like alot of other women who pass up good men for dirtbags . Hope she gets pregnant again from this dirtbag
I believe she said she didn’t even know she was pregnant until she went into labor. I know there’s a tv show called I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant where they recreate actual stories of seemingly clueless women but honestly I cannot fathom being so deep into denial. I’m happy she appears to be doing well emotionally and has acted responsibly since the birth but nine months of pregnancy “denial” is concerning.
Yes, this is absolutely not the place to do this! Very sad for her parents. This is not something they can “get over”. This is going to take years to work through. Especially if they stay together and have more children.
He was joking about it, she never said anything about dropping the bomb on them at breakfast
She said she didn't know she was pregnant until she was giving birth.... She then chose to give the baby up cause they didn't plan on it and didn't have the 9months to plan. Also, her siblings know so they can help her talk to them too. I'm just shocked she waited so long to tell them.
Not knowing you are pregnant until you're in labor takes some serious denial. This lady needs professional help.
@@SC-gp7kt technically women are really only supposed to gain like 20-25lbs when pregnant (most have gained that just drying quarentine lol) She likely didn't notice the weight gain much or she was already over weight/showed less. Also, she might have PCOS or a condition that impacts how often she has her period. Very common. I only get my period 1-2x a year because I have PCOS. 1-2 periods a year is scary when you don't want kids but if you are used to it, maybe she didn't think much of that either. Also, I'm a clinical therapist so I guess I just try not to judge folks and have my own biased opinions and alternative theories-- as you can see in my reply haha 😂
Imagine that convo Suprise mom..dad i was pregnant by a 26 yr old at 18 but i gave it up.for. adoption also all my siblings know so yeah enjoy feeling like yall messed up cause ya own kids didnt come to yall also there might be a chance the new parente dont want ya to help raise so sorrrrry
The mental gymnastics one has to do to keep the man but away her child..!
@neisci it's sad, he was 26, they are not going to last because he seem to be having breakdown from giving his child away.
Wow Dr. Deloney... honestly this was amazing how you really took time for the caller.. I, along with two siblings, was adopted into a beautiful family that completely changed my life… And it’s just so amazing to see that God can take a would be hopeless situation and put people in alignment to completely change the outcome of someone else’s life!
They will be devastated that THEY weren’t offered the baby to raise as a member of the family.
They may not want to raise a baby
@@bevanbuckwheatshea5520they weren’t given that choice
Dr John you are a blessing to all the callers and us listeners / viewers. Thank you for what you do. God bless you! 🙏
I would be so devastated if I found this out 😥
my fam would disown me for that
Im.sorry for you. That sucks@@jocypare6019
It’s not about either of you it’s about the baby having its best life
I'm so glad she decided to have the baby ❤
Did they not see her, 9 months pregnant. How do you hide that.
Maybe she moved to a different state for school or something?
I was wondering the same thing..
To be fair, if they live in different states that could explain why they don't see each other often. And maybe she didn't show until the later months.
Likely they didn’t see her after she started showing. So she could have hid it for 4/5 months and then been away for the later half.
She said she found out she was pregnant as she was having the baby. She is one of those “didn’t know I was pregnant” situations. The parents didn’t know because she didn’t know. She gave birth unprepared to take care of a baby so she chose to adopt out the baby.
I needed that talk about grief of what we thought it would be. Thank you!
What an amazing arrangement for the adoptive parents. They can share the joy, the ups and downs, the news and so on about the baby with the birth mother.
This girl deserves so much credit.
I agree wholeheartedly. ❤
For denying her parents their grandchild?? Yea, a paragon of virtue.
Just what the hell is happening to the moral compass of society.@@annakirshenbaum1458
@@annakirshenbaum1458
While I think she should have told them that she was pregnant, she made her decision not to..
It was her choice to make.. she wants to tell them now, even though she doesn't have to. A deeper question to ask is why she felt that she couldn't go to them with her pregnancy.. I'm thinking this may have been something put on her from an older boyfriend who did not want to deal with her parents for getting their daughter pregnant.
@Jkaye13 A child is a human being with familial lineage, which is his birthright. She had no right to deny it to him, deny his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins to him. And deny him to his family, especially his grandparents.
She is the mother, not the owner. So that whole concept of 'it was her choice to make' is weird. Didn't they use to say that about fathers, too? Oh, it's her choice to decide if the child knows who his father is.
Like, the fact that you grew a human in your body and gave birth to him doesn't make him your property to do whatever!
I wanted to cry. Because I'm glad she gave the baby up for adoption but man I can not imagine that conversation
How do you personally handle the responsibilities of these people’s lives Doc?
It’s a lot for us listening. I watch then go do something else for awhile on yt. I always come back. I grieve for my own life and all these folks are sooo much. God bless you with divine wisdom I pray.
Wooooohhh we need to back up here. He's late twenties, she's 20 and they've been together for 3 years??!!! What the F dude, how did you not catch that!!! Her bf lowkey messed up, and then had a baby? In the words of Dr. D himself, "Golly o mighty"
Someone finally notices the main issue with this video. She's been groomed and taken advantage of.
@@sarahb8147 give me a break. She was 18. She can vote. She can go fight in the war. She can smoke. She's an adult. She made that decision to hang out with the guy who's 8 years older than her. When I was 18 I hooked up with a guy who was 45. I knew full well what I was doing.
Irene Z Goodman she said this happened 3 years ago and she said she’s 19 at the start of this call so she was 16 while he was 25. just because you got taken advantage of by a predator doesn’t mean it’s okay for others to. i’m sorry that happened to you
She was 18 and he was 26. She had the baby when she was 19. Listen to it again. That's not a Big Deal. He's immature which is obvious, and she was NOT Ready (immature too) which is what SHE Said. He's 28 NOW and she's 20. The baby is 1 yr and a half or almost 2, but NOT 2 yet. It;s all in the Video!!!!
@@janephillips3627 you realise if she can't even keep her age straight shes lying about that fact
What never came up in this call is the question: why didn't you tell your parents at the time. I can assume many reasons, but what I really wanted to hear is the callers take on it (not mine or the commenters)
Thank you for letting your baby live!💕
I understand sharing this in a public neutral place having had to have difficult conversations with toxic family members. It helps everybody keep somewhat calm and take time to think about it and you can leave as soon as you want. You can later revisit the conversation as many times as you need to.
Dr. Ross was required reading when I was in Nursing school in the 70's. I wasn't aware that she had a research assistant that also wrote a book. Time to dust off my old books and add a new one. Thanks for the information.
Thats a superrrrr long time to be quiet about it and apparently everyone else knew. We have 5 kids, but had our 1st just after 17. Now almsot 10yrs married and if my daughter did this is would be more devastated she couldn't confide in me and trust that I would support her. That's what would upset me more than anything. Praying for this conversation
He's happy to have reduced obligation with all of the benefits...
@12:34 YES, Get the book!!! Grief is a big important process to go through and you have to go through it. I followed this book after my divorce.
I thank God for your mission DrJohn.
God bless her for giving her baby up for adoption vs abortion, and blessing another family with a baby they weren't able to have.
She could have found out late, I know someone who was 6 months pregnant when she found out. When she found out she got back with the baby daddy; and the pregnant woman’s sister had a psychotic breakdown because after the two broke up (before knowing she was pregnant), the not pregnant sister was hoping to have the man for herself. Then when her sister learned she was pregnant and how far along she was, that’s when she got back with the baby daddy and they married, but her sister literally went crazy because she expected to be the one to get married and have kids with this guy.
what an awesome point of view. as a mother of an adopted child, i appreciate you seeing it from her point of view.
Abortion is green. Less mouths to feed, less plastic and trash and waste.
She didn't even know she was pregnant
And she keeps getting pregnant?????? Seriously? Do you not understand the damage to the child? Why wasn't "I" good enough for my own mother? What would your Christ say?
My mom didn't know I was pregnant until I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and I lived with her
bad parents are clueless and disconnecetd
I will never understand some people's decisions when it comes to children.
It's not your place to.
@@ineedhoezIt is. If it wasn't our place to judge as friends and neighbors, then many children would've been abused beyond belief. That's why child services exist, too - because the society does have a say in how its members treat their young and weak.
I rly like his input on certain topics
He's 28 with the mind of a teenage *BOY* . You did the right thing for you and your baby and you're OK with it. It's been a blessing knowing that your child has a wonderful family who loves and adores him and the fact that you are apart of your son's life and have an open and wonderful relationship with the parents is truly a beautiful story. I would move on if I were you because it sounds like the father is enjoying being a *Victm* instead of being happy that your child is blessed and that he has been a blessing to his parents .
If he really wants to be in your life then he has to compromise. That doesn't seem like it's going to happen so part ways with him and wish him well. You have a lifetime of goals that you feel are important Courtney. Sticking with this *BOY* will not make it possible to achieve those goals with this self appointed *VICTIM* hangin' round your neck. I wish you well and many Blessings to you Courtney. You are an inspiration to many who have and are walking down the same path. GOD BLESS.
You are minimizing the babys dad. Its not a popular idea but believe it or not, fathers love their children and have rights too!! She gave their baby up and is beyond happy. We didnt hear from him. Maybe this wasnt his plan for his "family". Maybe he thought marriage then having and keeping a baby but that ship has sailed. Im not judging him. I didnt hear him and neither did you. Fathers need to fight for their rights. Mothers, and their families, have been in the drivers seat too long.
Her parents have the right to react however they want to help themselves grieve.
Yep. Our stupid mistakes are not just ours in isolation. We are social beings and we were meant to share the best and worst moments of our lives with our friends and families.
@@CIST3Not just sharing moments - sharing people. This girl denied her parents their grandchild! This is evil.
What a fabulous, fabulous commentary!!!!
The boyfriend prevented her from relying on her parents during the most stressful time of her life. He was afraid the parents were going to step up to the plate and take care of the baby and he might be on board for child support. Dump the boyfriend. He is a controlling person, trying to control her from doing what is best for her. She needed her mother by her to advise her during this stressful time and still needs her parents. I think she made the best decision for the baby and I am glad she is happy with the outcome of her decision.
This young girl did not wanted to give the child away...and now she is finding excuses so she can accept the idea that she gave away her baby. She is grieving and looking for others to grieve with her
I don't hear regret in her voice. I do think the father regrets agreeing to the adoption from how she describes his inability to talk about it. The young woman is more mature than her older boyfriend. She should dump him ASAP.
Eyeris625: So wrong. Dawn Dean has the Correct answer.
@@wiseowl2020 He is probably not looking forward to dealing with her parents.
Placed for adoption. PLACED FOR ADOPTION.
It's different than dropping something off at the Goodwin. It's a loving thing to do.
@@andreaabate4193 well technically it is the equivalent of a deadbeat dad. What I mean by this is what they both have in common is passing the book so to speak and letting somebody else fulfill that responsibility.
Good advice from the doctor. I think that maybe the parents never approved of the BF and that disapproval propelled the rest, including him not wanting to tell them about their grandchild.
Wow this is shocking. I hope the family is doing okay.
It's So Sad all around 😞
If your siblings know, I'll bet they know.
She made a choice, it was her choice and her the baby's father's choice to adopt the baby out because they knew they couldn't care for it, or they weren't ready for children emotionally or financially. It doesn't matter if the parents are devastated, it isn't their baby, nor is it their choice. I think she would be better off just keeping it quiet, as it will only cause emotional turmoil for everyone, and to the degree that she could find herself wanting the baby back. I think she meeds to step back from the adopted out baby for a while and detach a bit. I think she needs to escape this guy, he was in his late 20s dating like a 16 year old, that isn't normal!
What bothers me is that she is consistently still talking to the adoptive parents. That's really dangerous. And the thing is she's not getting the kid back. Very rarely does that ever happen. I'm not sure if she realizes that this child is not her's anymore. She seems really happy with her decision, but getting picture updates and talking to them every week seems very dangerous to me.
@Betty Smith >> he was in his late 20s dating like a 16 year old, that isn't normal!
@@IreneZGoodman open adoptions pretty common but if thats what they al agreed to, thats fine
@@IreneZGoodman It's called an open adoption. Very normal.
23 and me. Open adoption
Secrets don't stay secret in this age... Better to be the one to choose to time and place.
Besides, her siblings know. Too many people know for it to stay secret
Wow. Talk about greiving the poor parents. That would have devestated me. My first grandson almost died multiple times he coded and I think because he was the first grandson made it so much worse so I can feel for the parents. Very sad.
if her parents were more accepting, she probably would have involved them right awy
Too young to marry but not to young to have a baby together??? SAD
Actually she was too young to have a baby, which is why she gave it up for adoption. 🤦
@@IreneZGoodman She wasn't too young to have a baby, she was not responsible enough to be married before being intimate,
@@janiceegan5773 She was both
@@whitneyw.7919 19 y/o young to be married? LOL
She’s to young to be both. You should not be married at 19 and you should not have a baby at 19 either
Topic brings up my own family dysfunction. My Mom obviously never told her own Dad about us two kids, for ??? reasons. My brother/I never met Mom's Dad. One day my parents got dressed up to "go somewhere" (twice), while leaving my brother/I home. I was about 5 years old - looking back - that was the time Mom's Dad died - a topic that remained a huge secret. I remember this like yesterday - secrets kill family's too.
Your mom's parent(s) may have been abusive and your mom may have been protecting you.
This is one of those situations where she's not going to tell her parents she's got too much fear in her voice. In addition I don't think the parents are going to take it well and they may look at her with pure disappointment and even some disgust because she didn't tell them and she kept this secret for almost two if not three years 9 months during her pregnancy in two years after the adoption. This is going to be one of those relationships where the girl may have to realize she her parents more deeper than she thought. She is going to need therapy and family counseling with them afterwards or even before that conversation because if she even if she has that conversation in a restaurant where there's witnesses around it's not going to end well. My advice therapy sit down with them with your therapist and so much more.
Either Grandparents could have adopted the baby. Now she’s going to tell them? No.
Most likely the grandparents were pretty strict. The young lady feared the harsh judgement they would bring for having a young child out if wedlock. They probably would have interfered with the adoption process too. The young woman was trying to do the best she could and now faces a lot of disappointment from them at this point too. She just couldn't win
If she already ordered a baby photo book to show them... I'm pretty sure she's going to tell them.
She said she didn't know she was pregnant until she was giving birth. Her parents will be devastated it's taken years for her to tell them though.
she basically gave up her parents and baby for a boyfriend who won't even marry her. smh.
Don't tell your parents. It's going to ruined your relationship with your parents, they'll be judgemental, going to be bad. If you need to talk for your conscience to feel better, talk to a psychologist
Her parents have the right to know about the baby.
Psychologist that would John d.
Disagree. Imagine keeping this secret for the rest of her life... the guilt would eat at her.
@@alexlewis8143 I think she should actually tell her parents, to make life easier in the long run. However they do not have a right to know because it's not their child.
@@buibuibuirockineverywhere8701 it's selfish to tell them just so she can feel better.
Such Good Advice ❤
What a selfish and selfless act all wrapped into one. I feel bad for the bio dad. It seems he’s really dealing with regret. I feel bad for the grandparents bc she’s old enough to have made a different choice.. especially being with a guy for THREE years. I also think it’s great she has so much peace toward this. I just also feel a day is going to come where she regrets what she’s done. Definitely saying a prayer for her tonight. How blessed that family is to have gotten this little baby. God bless all
Trust me abortion comes with a lifetime of lonely regrets. This situation is full of potential and hope for relationships in the future
My husband’s family in Europe kept it secret that my sister-in-law got married and had two kids. It was heartbreaking. I felt like I was smashed with a brick over the head.
This is awful. That’s going to be super hard for the parents 🥺😢
She hasn’t realized what’s happened til she tell them and then she’ll see and feel all the pain.
Prayers for their healing!
Is it me or they never really "unpacked" everything. I don't think they really talked about why she did what she did. It can't be a healthy relationship she has with them, or maybe she's a "black sheep"..... I don't get why people are assuming lol. Also I don't think the bf is immature. The baby is legally not his anymore. as a guy myself I'd feel uncomfortable contacting them too... I'd feel like I'm bothering them for something I gave to them.
Yep, it's odd that he never asked her WHY she didn't tell her parents in the first place. One would think she had some horrible relationship with her parents if she didn't even tell them that she was pregnant, yet she doesn't really give any hint to indicate that they truly have a terrible relationship. Odd.
This happens all the time with this guy. He has a show; this isn't therapy! He has to have the call short and simple enough to put out positivity and teaching. He cannot bring things up that cannot be dealt with in a single upbeat phone call. He has an agenda, and if you understand what he is trying to do, you won't expect him to drill down in this way.
Sam Beagle if you listen to what she says she didn’t know she was pregnant until labor hit.
He may have no agreed to the adoption. She said he was older. The mother has the final say ultimately. Also I think it’s kind of a red flag that a 26 year old is sleeping with a 19 year old....
@@olivias2836 I don't think its odd. If they're both adults........ then they're both adults
Thank you so much for your choice to place that baby for adoption. I was adopted and I was given a chance at life and all it has to offer instead of just being aborted because “it’s my life and I don’t want to be pregnant for 9 months” you truly have done something wonderful God bless
Adoption is an alternative to parenting, abortion is to pregnancy. The effects of pregnancy on someone physically and mentally are far more than the 9 months of pregnancy.
@@mixedmetaphorMeg yeah wasn’t really looking for a fight. I thanked her for her choice and thanked her for giving the baby at a chance at life. I understand where you’re coming from, don’t agree, but honestly not really looking to fight about it. I have the right to my opinion, you to yours, but I’m not fighting about it.
@chicken8471 It wasn't a choice she said at 0:29 that she know she was pregnant until she was having him.
I had a cousin who had a baby with his college girlfriend. They kept it secret and put the baby up for adoption. 25 years later he received a knock on his door.
In this case I think the boyfriend didn't want the adoption. He just gave in to her wishes because it was easier. Now, he doesn't want to be reminded of it. Whereas she has a scrapbook, relationship with the adoptive mother, etc and is constantly excited to share info on her latest pics, conversations..... Most guys (not all) would rather block it off from their mind & move on. I think it's how we handle certain things. I'm not saying that it's right but many men are wired that way.
Exactly; everyone is bashing the boyfriend as a victim, or “not man enough” but I got the same impression. We have to remember that we are listening through the “lens” of the caller. He MAY have been ready; she clearly was not and he rightfully went along with her wishes. How can we then convey from that logic that he is not “man enough” or a victim. He’s doing what most men do; compartmentalized in order to heal. That’s how most (not all men) cope. He put it in a mental box, and she keeps reopening it. That may work for her; but it’s not HIS process.
Years ago my boss told me that he had a child at 14 that he and his girlfriend (15) gave up for adoption. He was an only child. He told his father but they never told him mom. A little over 20 years pass. (His father had passed and his mom remarried) I told him that I though he should tell her. He did. A few years later he died. Even though she never met her grandchild I am sure that it is comforting knowing that part of her son has lived on.
Now DNA tests are bringing families together.
I’m not sure if that’s true
Oh my goodness don’t ask a 20 year old why she isn’t married. How bloody stupid
My thoughts exactly!
That totally made me do a double take. She's not even old enough to rent a car, and he wants her married with a kid? 🤨 Also, who says her parents would be grieving? They might feel relieved that she didn't derail her future🧐.
When in high school my friend got pregnant and never told anyone! At 8 month she began having abdomen pain and her parents rushed her to the ER .The doctor came into the waiting room and told them she just delivered a baby girl! They were shocked!
As an adoptive parent, I appreciate Dr. D's use of the term "placed" for adoption, as this caller stated. Wish the people at Ramsey posting the text captions would follow suit and not use "gave it up"
i mean, that's basically what happened.
I immediately thought the same thing (my oldest daughter was placed in our family at the age of 8 months)
My thoughts exactly.
Semantics to make someone abandoning their child feel better
@@ineedhoez you're absolutely right
I don't think it's so much that he's shameful as much as he's grieving the loss of a child. And, then having the child he can't have thrown in his face. I think he's heartbroken.
She’s her own person she can do whatever she wants. (Safely)
I did the same. I had a baby and my family has no idea. I left 25 years ago and cut all ties. To protect my baby, I never told them a thing. Now there is some family contact but I still haven’t told them.
Thank you for choosing life♡
Most teen pregnancies happen where the father is a grown man and the mom is a child or barely legal. We have to put a stop to this predation.
I know someone who had a baby with a woman while he was on deployment and never told his parents, whom I’m friends with. It ruined my friendship with his parents because I just couldn’t carry that secret. They don’t have any grandchildren. It breaks my heart knowing they actually do and that time is just passing and every cherished moment that could be theirs, is not. So very sad.
Rut here, adoption sounds right, it often is not that easy, that kid will probley feel rejected later in life, my sister, my cousin adopted, l've also heard adopted people talk, it leaves a big mark!!!!
I think Dr John missed the mark on this one big time.... a 26 year old and 18 year old are clearly not in a healthy relationship... this is most definitely some power/abuse issues or some kind going on there. The young lady obviously knew well enough to know that they were not stable enough to raise a child. I am not judging young parents because my husband and I had our first at 20 & 23 before we were married.... suggesting she marry this guy is absurd and a huge red flag...
I thought the same thing but took it a step further, she had the baby at 19 and they'd been together for 3 years, which means she probably started dating him at 17, depending on how old she is now i think 🤔.
He misses a lot
E Cox you’re just a creep
I think he was testing the water when he asked that question about marriage. It’s a good gauge and gives an idea of what’s going on.
This isn't always true. I was 19 dating a man who was 25, we dated for 3 years and have been married for 2, our relationship is healthier than most of our friends. It depends on the people, age is not the defining factor for the success or validity of the relationship AS LONG AS everyone is 18+
This girl's parents are not only going to be sad, they are going to be hurt and angry. After all, she lied to them for a very long time about something very, very important. They might also be upset that they weren't given the option to take the baby themselves. I could understand if she wanted to completely cut ties with her child, but this isn't the case. . These poor parents. They're going to be blindsided by the worst betrayal they could imagine - please don't do this to them at Denny's.
As a birth mom, my heart goes out to you.
Boyfriends come and go, but you need your family who will be there no matter what. So the adult baby can just deal with it.
He didn't man uo and raise his child so he has no room to say how you walk out your healing process.
Red flag there by the way.....henisnt supporting you in your path to healing....thats huge and speaks volumes.
Your "boyfriend" should run for Congress...he'll fit right in.
Matt Gaetz style
How are you? (Expecting, “Better than I deserve.) :)
Good for her. At least she didn't kill the baby.
If she got an abortion it wouldn’t have affected your life at all. ❤️
Mikayla Lange You could look at essentially everything through this lens
Tyler and I will keep looking at things through this lens. What someone chooses to do with their body and their life is their business and I will not have a say or hold judgment on the tough decisions people make for themselves. I wish others did the same.
@@mikaylalange3228 All I was saying is that saying something doesn't affect you therefore it is okay is a highly flawed argument.
Mikayla Lange sorry but i will judge people who willingly hookup and make the baby and then choose to kill their baby. it’s despicable, imagine if someone killed your child
I would be really mad if my daughter would give up my grandchild without giving me the chance to care for it or support her to raise it. Why do people have sex if they are not able to do contraception?
I would be heartbroken that as a mother/grandmother that my grandchildren was adopted by strangers. Grandparents should have had the opportunity to adopt!!!
If you guys can’t discuss the adoption, that is not a good sign. And don’t feel pressured to get married. You are 20. I don’t think anyone should get married until late 20’s / early 30’s at the earliest. Why tell your parents now? That might open up a can of worms. They might want to be a part of that kids life. What if the adoptive parents decide to cut off contact?
💯
I happen to agree. 💯
Well, at least she had a baby and not kill it.
Genuine question- does (did) the father of the child get any say in whether or not it's adopted?? What if he wanted to keep the kid?
As a parent. I'd be proud that my daughter chose LIFE. I'd support her decision and leave it alone.
I’m going to go out on a limb and ask why? Why tell them? She made an adult decision and did the best thing she could do for her baby. What about just leaving it be???
I agree. She sounds like she's in a carefree bubble where everything is just fine. "Look, here's a book of pics of your beautiful grandson but you can't meet him." Yes, the other kids knew about it but promised to keep it secret. No, I won't marry him until my list of requirements is met. No, he doesn't want to look at the baby book.
If anyone wanted me to go to a public place to tell me something that hard and personal i wpuld walk out and it would be so hard to get past that
Those poor parents. But he didn’t dig into why she couldn’t tell her parents.
Wow imagine finding out that your parents gave you away and then got married and had more children later on...
Life happens, you have to focus on the fact you were still given a chance and were able to make your own life. You just do your best not to worry about that and focus on the people that do love you and treat you as family. I speak from personal experience with this.
Beyond hurtful.