My Husband Is Too Hard on Our Kids (What Can I Do?)
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- čas přidán 9. 12. 2021
- My Husband Is Too Hard on Our Kids (What Can I Do?)
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I appreciate John calling her out for not defending her kids. The silent parent is sending the message they are on board with the abuse.
100%!!! I don’t think this is understood enough.
She was afraid to defend her children
@@CP1960 everybody is afraid whenever they protect someone. If there was no danger there would be no need to protect. You have to protect your children
I can’t agree with you more. I am an adult child (51) of an abusive father (physical and emotional abuse). My mother never protected me from him. I haven’t talked to my father for over 30 years and my relationship is so-so with my mother. I have a lot of rage when I think about my childhood. I know my mother has regrets now about how she failed to protect me. In all honesty my dad was abusive to her too. In my adult opinion she should have left him all those years ago. It’s a shame we are where we are now. But I can’t I unsee all the things I’ve seen and I can’t undo the things I’ve been through. I think it has left me with a feeling that I can never really trust her because she’s demonstrated so many times she didn’t have my best interest at heart. The best I can do is trust her to be herself.
You can resent them even more.
your children notice when you don’t stand up for them.
every. single. time.
the trust a child has for their parents is sacred, and each time you watch something happen without intervening, you irreparably damage that relationship one bit at a time.
A seargent is never going to dress down their supervisor in front of a subordinate. I believe if parents disagree with what is going on with children they should address it privately and not in front of thr kids. Children will quickly take advantage of that
@@SarahR2D2 that's how it should be in any situation with anyone. It's like when friends talk trash to each other in private that's cool. When you do it infront of people your being disrespectful and need a beating and friendship over.
@@SarahR2D2 children and people also can’t be afraid to stand up to abusive authorities, if they never see it modeled for them they won’t know how to do it themselves. It’s why so many children of abusive homes go on to marry abusive spouses. Also a family is not the military and shouldn’t be approached like one.
@@WM-mu8ep not the same
@@van2165 the caller said her husband was too hard on the kids. If the spouse undermines the authority of the wife or husband there will no respect. Now if its punching or kicking the child then yes there should be immediate intervention.
Imagine how he yells at them when she’s not in the car with them. This is so heartbreaking .
Imagine how many times hes yell at them
This is why she’s scared to fight back. He’s cheated on her before and she’s scared if she pushes him too hard he’ll do it again. She still has hope for their family so she walks on eggshells around him hoping if she’s good enough he’ll turn back into the man she loved.
You can’t save him. He’s angry because his career isn’t what he wants and he’s looking for someone to take it out on instead of himself. He’s angry because he’s stuck with one wife instead of living out flings without consequences. He’s just a big child who’s angry that he’s not where he wants and lashes out at other people instead of looking at himself in the mirror.
And honestly, this is the scariest part of marriage to me. Some people turn into absolutely vile creatures when they’re not where they want to be in life - and you don’t see that side of them until it happens.
Very well said.
Preach. Amen.
Nice mom. Puts herself before kids
Bingo
Ah but because it's not physical she thinks she is staying for the kids.
He doesn’t like to share his feelings….only when he’s ripping into his kids 😩
The silent treatment is abuse. The berating of her children is abuse. Pretending nothing happened, and accusing her of overreacting is abuse. Downplaying her or her children's feelings is abuse. And I'm only 7 minutes in this video...
People are labeling everything abuse now.
@@bobberry1463 That sounds like a sprinkling of toxic masculinity - that or you're trying to minimize your own actions.
Abuse is very real and comes in many forms. The purpose behind all abuse, physical or psychological is control. Tearing people down, belittling them, shaming them, humiliating them are all tools to control others. Failing to recognize the warning signs will lead you or your loved ones to be abused.
Knowledge is power.
Yes name it what it is!!
@bob berry Screaming at a child over a practice for 50 mins is abuse.
The silent treatment is how many cool down. Demanding someone talk to you when they don't want to is abuse.
I can’t even express in words how good it is to hear him be so clear and direct about abuse when it comes to these kids. I was that kid with my father screaming at me at the top of his lungs countless days. He never hit me, so it wasn’t “abuse”. But, I did exactly what John said their kids would do. I went to college and I didn’t go back. I stayed far away, because even though it took years for me to realize it was abuse, my body remembered. I cry at episodes like this, because if only there has been someone to advocate for me. I wonder what my life and family would look like now.
I don’t think there is a clearer definition of love.
The worst part is always the Mom being passive making excuses knowing that it's wrong and being in denial about it. I relate so much to this dynamic. So, many people say well they didn't physically abuse you blah blah blah. But your body remembers.
❤
This was me too. I kept ending up in abusive relationships. I asked a therapist what's wrong with me that attracts these dangerous men? He said you're not attracting them everyone is approached by abusive people. But children who grow up in healthy families don't give them the time of day. Abusive parents normalize abuse so as adults you don't see the red flags.
My dad was like this as a coach with my brother and my grandparents often stepped in to call my dad out on it. But it didn’t really stop and it really killed their relationship. But he did learn from it eventually and because of it he refused to ever coach me in sports because of the mistakes he’d made. But for the first number of years I played sports he’d still be angry in the car about how I performed in games and eventually it blew up after a game and I said something back and it got way worse and the only time it ever happened he got so angry about what I’d said (can’t remember what it was) he smacked me. And while sad it went that far it was finally his wake up call.
After that he was never critical or angry about sports and became beyond supportive. But this attitude in sports is extremely harmful even if there’s never something physical that happens because the criticism and anger destroys any enjoyment of the game you may have had as well as any self confidence you had because you begin to accept you’re never good enough. You transition from having fun playing and enjoying sports to spending every practice or game worried the entire time about how your parent is thinking about your game and if you’re making them angry and are going to get in trouble when it’s over. It turns something that’s supposed to run into something that becomes a constant worry and dread that you simply want to exit as soon as you possibly can. But when he reverted to just being supportive and letting it just be a game it became a lot of fun again.
And seeing the dads that did coach their kids but didn’t take it crazy like this dad does seemed to get a lot closer with their kids and were so much fun to play for because it allowed a game to be a game. I can get that a parent wants to support their kids to be the best they can be at things but it’s sad when it’s so extreme. The reality is that 99.9% of kids aren’t going to make it to some crazy high level in some sport where they need to be run this hard to maximize their skill. The overwhelming majority of kids are going to be done at most when high school ends so it’s nice when coaches allow kids to just have some fun playing a game and maybe if kids show that potential and want to be in some super competitive league they save some of that for the AAU track.
100% confirm that this kind of emotional abuse does NOT make the abused "tough." It reinforces insecurities and powerlessness that then have to be overcome by those who are abused in order to actually become mentally and physically confident and capable in life. I'm 53 years old and I still have resentment and productivity issues around the subjects associated with my father and memories of my father. It is damaging to personal relationships, occupational success, and overall well being. It sucks.
It resulted in me being tougher when I got older but only because I’d noticed myself struggling through short fuse anger and knew I didn’t want to turn into that and worked through my behaviors and eliminated that anger. But as part of that process was reflected on those times from the past and digging into things about my dad that helped give context to him being angry and recognizing that it wasn’t my fault or something that I did to cause it. Through that healing process I became tougher in the sense that I don’t get intimidated by people who try to rule with fear in the workplace because I dealt with that and adapted from it. But it’s absolutely not a healthy way to develop a skill and even for the years that followed where my dad fixed the anger as it related to sports I still always had it in the back of my head about whether or not my performance was going to get me in trouble and made me dread a lot of games.
Dr John is spot on. I always resented my mom for allowing my dad to yell and swear at us. It's wrong and mom needs to speak up IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. They need to know that their mother won't allow this bulling. Awful mom.
I didnt protect our kids from their dad, who was bipolar. I so regret this. He ended up changing with appropriate meds so their relationship, and mine, with him improved before he died, but I regret those days.
If it's abuse then yes but some women do not allow any correction what so ever to the detriment of the kids. The kids see this and take advantage of that situation as well
Thank you, still resent my mum to this day. It left that role up to me most of the time.
@@Coastpsych_fi99 Sooo no blame for your daddy? She can get some blame sure... but surely not allll or most of it right?
@@SarahR2D2 What does this have to do with "some women"? Why are you changing the subject?
My husband is 6’3 300 pounds. He’s never yelled at our son or me. Ever. I would tackle anyone who lost it like this dad did. Mama bear would come out big time! Protect your kids!!!!
Maybe you would try. You never know until it happens.
@@johnnyceaglesits not maybe with children. You do what you have to do
My dad used to scream at me (and my mother) like this and said absolutely horrible things to me. I'm still broken 25 years later. Hardly any confidence and stuck in the past.
ditto... The wounds don't heal, the just get partially covered.
Same. Both my parents really
You probably have PTSD from this. Get some EMDR therapy. It will change your life.
@@bettysmith4527You probably have PTSD from this. Get some EMDR therapy. It will change your life.
Woah…. John sensed something much deeper than the initial question 🤯🤯🤯
It's really amazing how deep he can dig to the real problem.
The problem, while important, is the symptom of something way bigger, and Dr. D saw it.
He’s good
@@chukuemekaoje1015 nah he's f'n great
@@chrissaint-victor1606 calculated
Its scripted guys
I am pleading with this wonderful woman if she sees this show and comment, do NOT let this go. Please, for the mental wellness of your children. Don't allow him to let his temper and anger with whatever he's dealing with internally out on your children. This happened in my house. Because my mom did not speak up even if he was dead wrong, and waited till he was done rampaging to come talk to me hours later ... I have dealt with many deep seeded self esteem issues. I did not think my dad loved me. It turned into suicidal ideation and self harm. Please, stand up for your children. I know a friend who's father pressured him in basketball so much that he quit and I don't even know if he still plays for fun to this day. This will continue and it has to be nipped in the bud before it becomes irreversible.
My dad blew up a lot when I was a kid. My mom didn't check in on us to see if my brother and I were ok after all the yelling. When everything cooled down my parents would take turns talking to me especially what the yelling was all about, like I was their therapist. I'm an adult now, but things like that have stayed with me. It sucks that I am a highly sensitive person, so I feel like my emotions are a wreck at times because of things in the past.
Me too Malanie. I was a therapist for my parents growing up and the whole family really 😒 I used to try to have my parents make up by recording love songs on a tape (back in the 90’s as a preteen), I would have them listen to recordings and hold hands. I would counsel both of my parents separately on different issues and try to find solutions. Looking back my heart melts for me as a child trying to save a broken marriage/family. I just turned 38 and struggle with confidence and so much more but I know my emotional intelligence is great and I am a genuine person that has sincere intentions for others. The things we’ve gone through makes us who we are and gives us experience to know and do better. Find strength in what you’ve been through because no one else was there for you but you 💕
She is desensitized to the abuse. Any outsider would be floored. She just needs a reality check on the situation which deloney just gave her so now she can make the right moves. I’m not sure if it’s a marriage worth staying in but anyone can change.
Most don't is usually the case
Well said, Tori ! 👌🏽
Usually people like this do not ever change.
Narcissist don't usually change 😞
One thing is how can you not protect your kids? The other, more pratical question, is how can you endure 50 minutes in a car with somebody screaming? I would have done everything to get myself and my kids out of that car. Ask for him to pull over at a gas station to buy something and get away. I don`t care if I sit on buses for three hours, there is no way I can endure somebody screaming in a car, I would go crazy.
My ex-stepdad was like this for 11 years and I went looking for the gun one night when I was 15. Luckily for both of us he had moved it, but I'm still messed up in the head 30 years later.
Big hugs my friend. Big hugs. My coach used to pinch and wring my skin
If you understand where your father is coming from and don’t dwell on it for the rest of your life you will become that great man stoic and heroic that America needs
Awww, Joe, I'm glad that didn't happen. I'm sorry for your trauma.
I pray you find peace my friend.
This dad doesn’t like his life so he’s living vicariously through these kids. When they don’t perform perfectly, the dad takes it as a personal hit being that he’s the coach. He’s abusive and my kids will be off that team immediately.
She is trapped - she needs him for a roof over their head and food. That is why a lot of mom's allow abuse, because it's better than homelessness or being killed by a raging spouse.
THIS!!!!
Spot on. It’s only the moms and dads that would burn their whole world down to keep the kids safe that have the strength to get out. They are legends.
That’s why women need to have their own income. Every person should have the opportunity to walk away and not fear homelessness.
True. Women need to find a way to save money and have own income. It is especially hard when woman can not due to many reasons like conditioned, religious abuse, emotional abuse, etc
That part. She is sacrificing her children for comfort. She can divorce him, keep the house, get alimony, and child support.
John is such a strong spirit...
Thank you Dave for branching out from dollars and cents- well being determines finances.
Thank you John.
Amen.
This woman is not telling the truth she’s trying to protect her husband and cover the abuse.
This is so many women leave their husbands after 15 plus years of marriage. Then the husbands says "I was surprised and thought it was going great"!!! Leave or demand him to change at the first sign of his rage and get counseling if & before you decide to reconcile.
Type of dad that wearrs the douchy shades and gets into fights with the other dads at the little league games
I’ll never forget when my teammates dad yelled at the ref, and the went and hid behind the bleachers when the ref went to go reprimand him. He was always embarrassing and intolerable, poor kids.
"I want you Marsh! I want Youuuuu!" - Denver Dad from South Park
😂😂😂😂
I feel John's intensity because there are children involved. We need more rabid-strong defensive behavior when it comes to children.
I agree with the advice he provided. You have to hold your spouse accountable for any inappropriate behavior and establish boundaries. Don’t be afraid to speak up. If you’re afraid, then ask yourself why. There could be major problems that’s being brushed under the rug and that can lead to other problems. Protect yourself and kids by any means necessary.
John, It sounds to me like she was an abused child herself. Like her husband yells at the kids and she goes into fight or flight, or she curls up into a ball inside.
I have learned the hard way you don't correct ragey people while they are driving. They are unpredictable.
I would've said. "Pull the car over. I have to use the restroom"
Get the kids out of the car once stopped and do not go back in. Call for a friend or Uber.
This tough listening too :( at the end the children are the one that suffer and get traumatized. Even if you love someone it doesn't mean you are good for each.
This call definitely took a turn
I'm 38 years old. I can still hear my dad yelling at me in front of everyone when I made a mistake on the tennis court during high school.
Woah woah , this dude is good !!. I definitely seeing exactly why there is a John Delaney Show . Keep up the awesome work !!! These videos are helping more ppl than just the one’s that call 🙌🏽🙏🏾🙏🏾💪🏾.
You not stopping the yelling is showing your kids that it's OK for them to be yelled at like that. And your kids will grow up resenting you for not stepping up and stepping in. They will grow up thinking it's normal to be screamed at and berated. That's not good 😞
I think she was scared to step in, also means that she yells at him as well and her normal mode is to steer clear and wait for him to calm down. When he calms down they pretend it never happened and probably since he's never hit her or the kids she has normalized this behavior.
Aside from the obvious abuse, even professional coaches at the top levels of sports know this behavior is not what produces championships.
You can feel the hurt when he said “from the parent that won’t protect them”. I know her mama bear soul was just disappointed in herself. I hope she finds a way to figure this out and protect her babies.
The kids probably already hate him. Get them out of there, he cares more about the sports then he will ever care about her.
In good marriages Partners hold each other Accountable ❤🙏
Bingo!! That’s exactly what I was thinking. Trying to live out his dream through his kids because he couldn’t make it. This is a huge problem for men and their children that people don’t seem to really discuss.
This is so eye opening. Thank you, Momma for calling. So brave. Thank you, Dr. Deloney.
Can't help but be reminded of the Menendez brothers. . .speak of trajectory.
This was the same case with my father 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and the reason is that he's addicted to smoking and whenever he isn't smoking , he's violent🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Sadly, she is probably only sharing the half of it. The guy is a disaster, a real son of a bear. She's no mama bear either as they protect their young at any cost.
50 min of yelling is traumatic psychological abuse
Wow. Dr. D really knows how to hear the untold story.
I was in a very similar situation to this mom for a lot of years. I didn't protect my kids as well as I should have either, and I regret that deeply. I hope they will forgive me.
She may be safe but the kids aren't. I hope they all get the help she needs.
She isn’t safe if her kids are not.
I went through this myself growing up. Take it from me, the kid will grow up hating both parents!
mama SHOULD had gotten dad on the spot!!!! I do NOT tolerate abuse of children!!! my children, my grandchildren, YOUR children I wont sit and watch or see that , I hate when adults call lunatic behavior passionate...PROTECT your kids!! PROTECT ALL KIDS!!! I would pull them from sports if that is how they are going to be treated by their FATHER!!! If the mother saw a coach berate her kids like that she would intervene NO DIFFERENT!
Calling a domestic abuse hotline is a great option, they are trained to listen for the cues that a woman/family is being abused and help her to make a safety plan. Confronting this man without a safety plan could be a big mistake, he sounds very out of control. I have also learned while working at a domestic violence shelter, the rule of thumb is "think iceberg" you are usually getting 10% of the story, proceed with caution, most women get killed or harmed when they are trying to leave, I hope the best for all involved.
Founding board member of two abuse shelters....so right! Thanks for your contribution to keeping families safe. Sybil Francis PhD clinical psychologist, researcher and professor since 1979
Why would you priotize your lunatic partners feelings over your children?? Where is your agency? You're an adult?! How can you let this happen?! Why Why Why?? I don't understand how she can be so useless.
She is full of fear. Partially it may be conditioned since child to not intervene. Even if she is an adult. Maybe inside childhood trauma is affecting her and is afraid to step up and defend her kids. I hope she can find courage. 😢.
Best episode! Love the way Dr. John could see what exactly is happening home! Blessed to watch this show
The mom is really foolish letting this man coach her boys.
Poor kids , can't believe she's staying , I would RUN
Wow … I took a real hard look at myself from this one maybe not to that extreme but I feel I’m probably oh like that with my kids and it’s gonna do more damage than good. Maybe just let them be and guide them to be the version of them that they can be. Stop having and adult expectation for a kid who is a kid.
Such a great reminder for us all
I would love to hear a follow up call on this one
I think she also called because she needed to hear from a man that she is allowed to step up. Hopefully it gives her strength
Good grief, the husband doesn't want to be married. He's taking his frustrations out on the children 'cause they can't fight back and flake mom is allowing it. Grow a spine chick and protect you children.
let's not be misogynistic and call a grown woman "chick" plz
Yea cuz a woman can easily fight off a raging husband... it’s a huge risk to stand up to these hotheads
She KNOWS what's going on
Husband is resentful that he is married to her. He is taking it out on his kids. I would leave the man. The kids will be better for it!
Nope! You have to protect those kiddos. I do not care if I hurt my husband's feelings. You are their voice.
I had to listen to this a few times because I’m caring for littles and washing dishes and laundry… and all that but I finally caught the sports analogy applying it to a family! And practicing family…
I’d heard treating your family like a corporation before and needing to support it certain ways… so it grows well, manageably, but never heard of practicing family life like you would a team aiming to achieve a championship.
Thank you!
This invites a new, refreshing perspective!
The kids are gonna remember her silence more than his yelling. Why doesn't she protect her children? Maybe she doesn't have a job and she's completely dependent on that man. Maybe he is the power of the house. The man of the house. It must be a very traditional relationship.
A mother should be a mother before being a wife, you let that dufas go all out on a little kid over some stupid basketball practice? Zero respect for this chick.
These children are raised with role models that teach them that screaming at their future children is okay
This was my life. Cannot tell anyone how hard it is. These issues last a lifetime.
Oh heck no: she just failed her son horribly. She’s pausing to much…she’s deflecting her focus.
These are the kids that would beg and beg to stay at our after school program to not go to practice and were pushed away from a sport they loved to share with friends.
And, u are being too hard on her. She needs help from a compassionate person.
Thank you John.
Whenever you use the word weaponize, it really resonates.
Girl, he's still cheating! He hates himself for it and he's punishing the family for it.
Nah if that were the case he would be trying to please her to cover it up
I'm so glad Dr. John called it what it is - abuse. So many people can't see it for what it is because they are too close to the person. I hope that man gets help before it's too late.
Love how John asks all the hard questions❣️
There is something more going on here... I think it's honestly time for this woman to move on, especially since he cheated on her and seems overall unhappy, AND he wants to do hobbies for a living and not get a real job! She says "we" want to be together, but I don't think the husband is feeling that way... She is in denial, and hopefully she wakes up before her kids are too damaged from it.
Betty Smith She also lives in California and has been locked down for two years. The pandemic has been rough on people!
@@marieroxylox1456 CA has not been on lockdown for two years!
@@bettysmith4527 actually it has. I live in the SF Bay Area. We were in and out of Shelter in Place and curfews often. It really was not until this year that California started opening up again.
Statistics show that more people have filed for divorce in 2020/2021 due to lockdowns.
From Southern California and can confirm we were in lockdown for 2 years. There were a couple 6-8 week periods when restrictions lightened for a bit before cases would go up again and things would get serious again. It's been awful.
Thank you dr john
Hello?! That’s child abuse. And so is silent the treatment 🙄
John you're amazing, 💕
well done John
I like that Dr. Deloney says this mother needs to draw a line of no more yelling at her son and why the yelling is bad. Maybe I missed it - but I wish Dr. Deloney had come up with an alternative to yelling that she could suggest to her husband. An alternative that will effectively change the boy's performance - based upon other coach's actions - preferably winning coaches' techniques. That would be a win-win.
Good skills Doctor John
Wow... it's like if my mom went in a time machine and called early in her marriage. I can tell you as someone who had a father who threw tantrums DAILY (and blamed his kids every time, and instilled fear in me), not knowing why my mother NEVER stopped him has been something that will always come between us. I had to forgive her so many times. I never understood why she never told him to stop. She never stood in the gap. I was never safe, never protected, and learned to self protect by turning off my true self and acting perfect/robotic.
If this mom wants a relationship with her kids in the future, she needs to put her foot down with this guy. The foot needs to say "if you dont stop talking to me and my kids this way, I'm leaving you." Then actually leave when he still does. This forces a consequence and requires him to change and get counseling to better himself and take responsibility for his issues. And if he never changes? Oh well. Youre kids are safe and theres a separation.
Run. Far.
Years ago I had a coach who is generally good at his job, so long as you're doing exactly what he tells you, exactly the way he says. When you don't do that, woe betide the person who disobeyed. He is absolutely crazy and would start to yell, curse, and sometimes would name call. He was a young guy, smart, ambitious, driven. You just have to set your boundaries.
She doesn't realize it but she is conditioned to except this behavior. She doesn't want to rock the boat
If she intervenes the boys might hete her
This was a good one. ❤
This is how children develop severe anxiety and these same parents will be confused when their adult children distance themselves because they didn’t feel safety during childhood.
Good question. My first instinct if anyone came after my babies is defend them. Are u mad? Stop yelling at my child or stop and put us down. And then i will ask my son how often this happens, and then he will stop being his coach. I do not play that.just this saturday my husband is yelling at the kids in the car he dont always do it but he start making excusee ,i'm like you are seriously acting like you have a justifiable reason? I say just know before you get to them you have to go through me first and then there was silence he stopped.
On the yelling as a coach part thats literally part of their job lol. I played competitve sports all my life and always had coaches who screamed. I enjoy it and its part of the game. John needs to listen to someone like James harrison about being a winner
Caller: listen to Dr. John, don't let your kids or yourself be abused and intimidated by husband's behavior! We already know you've witnessed his anger and behavior pretty often, even daily. He thinks nothing is wrong and you can't control him, so get into therapy ( just you) asap! If he thinks it's OK to treat the family like that, you should make plans to get out. It's not worth it to stay with him!
She's a weak mother. No one....NO ONE...would ever talk to my kids like that. That's abuse from him and neglect from her.
I sense he was treated that way by his father … there’s some foundational issues
“What kept momma from getting between a lunatic & her baby?”? Fear. Intimidation. Not knowing how best to manage her husband.
Most likely their marriage will end and not well.He told her straight up that he’s abusive.
He had someone else on the side? Why hasn't she thrown him out ages ago??
THis!!!
Whip out your phone and record him if he does it again and threaten to show EVERYONE.
Dr is 💯💯💯💯💯
I grew up with the “silent parent” and the verbally abusive parent. Still in therapy 10 years and counting.
When those kids grow up I guarantee they will be more angry at the mom than the abusive dad. Because she failed to protect them.
She is part of problem. Can u imagine mom not defending u?
Yep
Sounds like she is tiptoeing around him, too. Waiting till "he's in the mood" (!) to talk about how he yelled at his children...
he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays. Roses are red and love is fake, a wedding is just a funeral with cake
I’ve seen this before a few times. But I can’t tolerate it, so in the moment, I literally physically stand up between the child and the out of control childish adult unloading their emotional storm on the tyke. And I say, “I feel scared of this behavior right now. And I’m a grown up. I can’t imagine how a kid would feel, can you?”
At that point most bullies realize they don’t look tough and strong for puffing up over somebody who can’t fight back. It just looks insecure.
They usually back off, steam out a few days, get a hold of themselves, over their shame, and come back mentally stronger, wiser, calmer, and more peaceful because they realize what they have put at risk.
But I had to get over the shock of incongruent anger rearing its ugly head sometimes and learn about healthy boundaries to protect my kids and I.
I can draw a line of healthy encouragement or supportive criticism versus abuse. Anybody could. But in the moment the shock can be so confusing.
You get enough of those moments and you dig out for help to learn how to change. Because you don’t want to bury your family in this shame.
Thank you John you’re spot on
She stands by and allows her husband abuse her son. He is crushing this son's soul. This will stay with the boy forever for the rest of his life. Children are emotionally crushed when they realize a parent will only love them when they are superstars on the playing field or their grades or what ever it is. I get the feeling she won't protect her kids. You can tell she is afraid her husband will leave her so she will probably not do anything.
She’s FOUL for sitting in that car for 50 MINUTES while her husband berated her child. The person who sits idly while abuse or mistreatment happens is just as bad as the abuser. Her children are learning that they can’t trust her.
I don't really agree, the caller should be told to find a plan to leave until the Husband gets help. Otherwise you are punishing the kids and keeping them in such an unhappy home. Also mum needs to get her own support network otherwise she'll end up dumping on her kid/s which is so harmful. But removing them from sport if they enjoy it is so hurtful.