Married to a PEOPLE PLEASER
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- čas přidán 28. 09. 2022
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou,
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So good! As a recovering people pleaser, I discovered my people pleasingness (made it up!) stems from my anxious attachment style that made me afraid that people would leave me. I am overcoming this by God's grace and some day therapy.
Interesting, because my father always threatened to disown me and so I always tried to please him. Unsuccessfully. 🙄 The day it dawned on me that I shall never meet the expectations of family and others, my tears dried up and now I no longer care. When they express displeasure, I'll just say they need to find someone better to do whatever they want.
Oh man! This makes so much sense, thank you 🙏🏿
Yes sister there is no way you can please everyone you will hurt yourself if you try...I'm glad you are recovering it is worth it❤
Im still a bit of a pleaser, but aware and working on it. I think its an issue a lot of females have.
I love that Glenn shows that he values his wife and children through his actions by setting boundaries with outsiders. Definitely a blessing.
Glen should please note that Yvette's pronunciation of "simultaneously" is perfect. It's just that Glen's pronunciation is the American version, but the original English pronunciation that everyone except Americans use is actually how Yvette pronounced it.
It gets on my nerves when people say "anyway" in conversation because of the same reason, I feel it disregards abd dismisses everything that was prior said.
Yvette pronounces simultaneously the same as me, I'm from the UK and I believe we all say it like Yvette over here. So 😝 to you Glen 😆
I was just about to type the same comment!
I am truly enjoying the apparent growth and healing between Glenn and Yvette. There are some past episodes I can not watch because the energy was extremely heavy.
However, I appreciate hearing the words of love, pet names, seeing the physical touch and comfort, and the laughter that is displayed in this new season. Just seeing your present day interaction is testament of the benefits of working on your relationship.
Today's topic hit close to home as well.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! 🌼💛🌼
People pleasing is love with contingency. I know exactly what Yvette is dealing with. We learn that to get love and validation we must offer to the recipient what they want. Even if it means sacrificing one's self. We eventually tell ourselves that it's not that serious that we don't stand up for ourselves or set healthy boundaries. Unfortunately, if it remains unchecked, it ends up taking a toll.
The only normal one is Uriah 🤣 what a plot twist 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂 Covid was a people pleasers paradise. We had a valid excuse to not go anywhere. Lol
My people pleasing tendencies stem from fear of the “lack of” if I don’t act like way at work I’ll be fired and “lack” if I don’t do this for family they won’t want anything to do with me and I’ll be in “lack” but I realized that with God you never lack anything and his favor will cover you in every. Circumstance. I don’t need to fake smile and be so happy because whatever is going to happen will happen regardless may as well be myself 💁🏾♀️
The way Yvette pronounces simultaneously is the British English pronunciation. Still correct, just on the other side of the world
Also that loading graphic as Glen remembered what the word was was brilliant 😂
Yvette: You mean to correct??
🤣She got'em!!😂
Watch your pet peeves comments Glen, she has hers as well.🤪
its the satisfaction of someone's appreciation from the encourager. Its the encouragee encouraging the encourager
In England we say ‘simultaneously’ Yvette’s way.
I definitely relate with being that child who tries to not draw bad attention. I have never viewed myself as a people pleaser internally. Because my mother got sick when I was very young… and later became an alcoholic, I kind of took on a parental-caregiver-adult role in my home. I had to go through some freedom through Jesus, because the manipulation and guilt trips are massive.
Most girls were brought up to be people pleasers. Boys weren't. Dassit. 😄
Both my wife and I have dealt with elements of people pleasing. What changed my mind on boundaries was a book called 'Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life' by Henry Cloud. Game changing! Also understanding my temperament as an easy-going person was discovered. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed these things to us. We've changed for the better.
I’m also reading the book! It also has helped me a lot!
Im over here in Florida chillin in Hurricane Ian Like "can't wait for them to drop this How married are you podcast"
Be safe 🙏🏾
All is well thank you.
I’m 100% a people pleaser and this is so so so relevant. I’ve watched your family channel for years but had only heard clips from this podcast recently. This is such a good episode to hop onto. Thank you both for this.
Hi Nare shooo people will always find faults in you no matter how you try rather live for you and you alone❤
@@getupwithzandim2673 Thank you for such a kind message
I can total relate. This is an area God had to show me how to bring balance to. It’s not health emotional to be overly concerned with others needs over your needs. One thing I learned is more to focus on being pleasing to the Lord and not every one else.
People will ware you out!!!!
#GodisFaithful
I be singing down for the chocolate baby story time part lol
I’m Yvettes defence, we pronounce ‘simultaneously’ like that in England so really she’s correct 😂
I would love to know if we'll ever get a full version the intro song? I love it!!!!!!!! Also, Yvette has a beautiful voice, so new music? Where she sings the hook? ♪ ♫ ♬ ♭ ♮ ♯ 🎼
Great episode!! People pleasing is something we need deliverance from (ie) the Lord can help change our behavior by getting to the root of why we need to people please. At the end the more I learned to love myself the way God wants us to love ourselves the less I found I needed to people please and neglect myself in the process . ❤
Nothing wrong with helping people just learning boundaries and know that I don’t have to do anything for you for me to
love you!
I enjoy this podcast. I am not married but enjoy listening to the way you work stuff out and different ways to handle situations and some self reflecting that I do in the process! Thank you 😊
Chiro was for herself, as a people pleaser you adjust (no pun intended 😅) your self as to not inconvenience or burden people with your preference. However, the cheese was for the kids. Now you’re hindering me from making the sandwiches for my kids and thats a no no.
…..at least this is me experience 😅🙋♀️
y'all don't even know how ON TIME this topic is.
There’s so many things to unpack here ! Thank you both for sharing parts of your character you’re working on with us ! Question for Glenn: do you think “not wanting to inconvenience people at all” is a positive alternative to the supposed excess / over and beyond actions that Yvette was used to , or is it a trauma response from yourself ?
“I’m not asking you for much”😂. I was so scared for Glenn after this.
Great episode guys, people pleasing is me and I am people pleaser. Glen the word simultaneously is correct the way yvette pronounces it in the 🇬🇧. 😍
I love the way Glen is intune with yvette by asking if she is ok and not feeling flooded, super to observe.
I love the way you love your wife. It's beautiful 👏👏👏❤️
Beautiful indeed Janielle❤
My wife definitely have a hard time setting boundaries with her family. It's so draining. She has gotten better but like right now we're dealing with her mother living in our home and she's so rude, very co-dependent and ungrateful. It's a hot mess. So much toxicity. It sucks even more because as the spouse I now feel as though she's crossing my boundaries by pleasing them. So what do that say about me? 😢
48:12 idk why I felt proud 🤣 Yvette was right , spectacular brain indeed👏🏾😆
in his defense, getting your hair wash it very therapeutic so he made a sacrifice to gain some self-care time 🤣
That was the best that’s how married we are 😂
Duuuude, I've been enjoying your podcast through Spotify and it has been great, but seeing you guys hits different.
I'm filled with Joy to see two imperfect people working together so hard and gentle to keep moving forward.
Gives me hope haha almost like using the phrase #Goals as in couple goals hahaha
Live you guys ❤️
to the first part about why the people pleasing might be different towards the person who slices to cheese from the person w/ sweaty palms & possibly even the phone call is the chance of hurting someone’s feelings. w/ slicing the cheese it’s unlikely you’d talk directly to the person who sliced it & even if you did you’re not really addressing any character gimmick or flaw you’re just asking for your product to be delivered correctly & they can easily write it off as a mistake. w/ the sweaty palm incident, if you were to say something you almost know it would get back to him and it would definitely make him feel some typa way even if things changed. phone call is similar , you’re trying to hold space for this person who obviously wants to talk and avoid hurting their feelings by cutting it short.
Why I had the same thought? I was like it sounds like she doesn’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Like you said the other situations could’ve directly to a person whereas the cheese thing wasn’t tied to a person more like a thing that was done.
*Directly tied to a person
Ooh my Yvette! I can relate with you soo much in regards to the people pleasing tendencies. Thank you both for being so transparent. ❤
This talk was needed. I do have people-pleasing ways and I am working it... Like Yvette ( Mrs. Melanin) it stemmed from my family of origin
omgee guys, this one really hits home for me…
i’m 50 and solo, so i don’t have anyone there to help me check myself…
people pleasing was how i got by as a kid, and as an adult it’s become my default.
and it’s all tied up in how i generate income as well, so it’s like a minefield.
thanks for sharing your experience - you help in ways you cannot imagine, and your reach is greater than you might know.
i’ve been a fan for a long time now, and i just want to say thank you. 💜😊
Jimothy!😂 Love the office reference.
I LIKE HOW GLEN IMMEDIATELY CALLED OUT YVETTE FOR BEING OFF BEAT BUT HE SAID THEY BEEN MARRIED 12 YEARS THO!! 🤣🤣 #GiveGrace 🤭
I realized for me the people pleasing thing was out of fear of me tarnishing my nice /good woman image. But that has since perished.....Screw people and wht they think of me when they know nothing about the work I put in to be who I truly have come to be.
Ooooh Glen's "How Married Are You" TRUMPS yours!💯Love you guys!
I see myself in the things that Yvette is saying. I am a middle child who is a people pleaser & am struggling to change because it is past necessary. However,I listening to you both about a out the stage helped me to see that Yvette has a hard accepting blessings. That act seemed like the awesome act of love,, but she felt that it was hard accept that what she gives out
We are we gonna hear about Beleaf's character flaws?
My environment forcing me to be a people pleaser never came with reward. It was a survival thing for me. Ex: I struggled in school and got so bashed from not getting straight A’s or A’s and B’s - I would get A’s B’s and C’s and bashed so bad by my family. I would work so hard to make my parents proud and when I did bring home the A’s and B’s it wouldn’t be a congratulations type of I’m happy for you or proud of you it would end up being… “ We knew you could do it. This is our expectation. You did what you should have done.” Just an example with school. After that I didn’t care anymore but my struggles would be to not get a whooping for bad grades. They didn’t help me with anything when I needed it, just yelled out of frustration when I didn’t understand. The trauma😢 I’m doing better at speaking up and standing up for myself and setting boundaries with unhealthy people. 😊
Hi Alex may the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you❤
This was so good yall!!❤️
I LOVED THIS!!
Amazing conversation! Loved it!
Great episode as always.
I absolutely love this podcast!❤❤❤❤❤
You guys are amazing. Blessings ❤
Checking in from the DMV.
Yes! Recovering people pleaser here 🙋🏾♀️I had to learn with therapy that I avoided conflict and didn’t want to disappoint friends or loved ones because I felt love through praise and pleasing others. 😮💨
Both your parenting styles is compatible in so many ways. 😊
True Tamari❤
Thank y'all so much for these!! I hope when the kids grow up you will still post here !
aww I really liked this episode
I just love you guys so much. Your relationship, ability to communicate and how considerate you of each other is so beautiful. ❤
So glad you figured out the word.
Wow. Extremely insightful.
Obsessed with this team
What a beautiful act of love for someone to build a stage for you. That wasn’t people pleasing (I don’t think Yvette thinks it was, she was just giving us an example of how she learned to give big gestures). It’s love languages. If the person would feel loved by that? It’s perfect. Some people would think it’s whack. So getting to know how someone receives love is important.
Hello I had to say wow all the smiles and laughs I love it!
The truth is I skipped ahead today with this episode. I've been binge watching your episodes from the beginning for the past 3 weeks and yes it has been some new beginnings fun exciting episodes and rocky, difficult, challenging moments in between. It been beautiful watching the evolution of your podcast and I am here for it all...thank you for your raw display of relationships ❤️
Great episode, thanks for being so open! I can definitely relate, Yvette! I am a people pleaser (I'm working on it. Lol!) and my boyfriend is like Glenn. He'll get me almost anything I want, but I'm just talking most of the time. It's cute and I love that he's attentive, but it can be stressful. I also think I that my people pleasing stems from childhood and feeling like I was on a pedestal. I didn't/don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm getting better about having better boundaries through therapy, but it's still a struggle honestly.
You guys are adorable!❤❤
I loved this content. I appreciate you both for your honesty and examples..as a women who has been married 11 years I can totally relate
The hardest part of people pleasing is knowing in the moment you’re doing it or that this situation could result in me people pleasing 🥴
Thank you, lovely couple. Great topics and yes to the natural hair and scarves.
Yvette was on the Yvette beat! IKTR!!
I love how transparent you both are willing to ne
OMG! I'm sending this to my sister. Thank you.
Lately, I have been listening to this podcast while doing school online and this by far is one of my favorite episodes. I had to pause from doing my schoolwork multiple times because I could not stop laughing. 😂😂 😂
I relate to Yvette. sometimes I don't speak up bc I am scared of the other persons response
This is so deep! I can relate with Yvette so much! Thanks for sharing..lol, I pronounce simultaneously like you too girl. Actually, I have never heard the other pronunciation.
Loool Yvettes giving us the British pronounciation of simultaneously, makes me feel at home ☺️
Love this podcast! You guys are so cute! K. ford ❤
Thank you for discussing this 🙏🏾 i've recently discovered my people pleasing ways. This book titled " The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro and Fumitake has been very helpful for me on my journey. I encourage all people pleasers and/or confrontational people to check it out
Re: Lillie pee, I think Uncle Baby just likes to make u guys laugh. Yvette, have someone else review your xray...I had the same response - nothing wrong...many years later, it was a pinched nerve/ sciatica. Lookong up a recipe for Butternut Squash pizza riiighttt now, thx.Blessings
Yes! I am finally caught up!🥰🥰 Just last night I was on episode 123 & while I was trying to get my baby boy to fall asleep, I heard my mom in the kitchen playing episode 122. I was pleasantly surprised and grinned to myself because it was I who got her into it.😊😊 Also I was wondering are ya’ll gonna have a merch drop for this season as well? I started watching this season when it came out and it intrigued me so much I wondered if you had the first episode up here. So I went all the way back to the beginning and binged watched/listened to all the episodes! So yet again I’m finally caught up and I wish I knew about ya’ll when the other merch drops went out, cuz I would’ve loved to get some!!❤️❤️ Also keep up the amazing work! I love hearing your conversations even when it gets hard and I love hearing ya’ll laugh whether you’re talking about the kids or each other. Yvette’s laugh is contagious and Glen’s comebacks make you smile, laugh, and say “Shots Fired!” 😄😄 Ya’ll keep it rollin’ even on the glitchy days!😊😊 Much L❤️ve. -Glow🥰🥰
😂gotta love Uzi!😂
Yo these 3 yr olds are something else.... Mine decided to poop in his diaper and when I caught him he took off running to hide and finish. 🤦🏿♀️ He will pee in the toilet but will completely refuse the other. We take his phone and toys away but he don't care. 🤦🏿♀️
I'm definitely a people pleaser and it's exhausting.
I can't get enough of you guy's. Love your podcast. Simply the best. Much love to all of you❤
Chiropractors are awesome. My doctor is a male. If his hands were sweaty, that would be a nope. I feel you on changing locations and returning the chee. Boundaries...
10:50 - 🤣✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾 @beleaf
I think people pleasing is more of a women thing. We are inculcated by the many rules: settle down, be nice, don't make a ruckus, be a good girl, don't complain, and on and on.
As a recovered people pleaser lol. My people pleasing came from fear of people taking their love away from me. Until my therapist asked if THAT WAS TRUE and they do take their love away does the world stop turning? I laughed but she was serious i said "no" and everytime i notice I'm ppl pleasing i think about that and i tap into my true feelings
🖤🖤🖤
I really enjoy you guys, and I think your husband is operating in his natural God order by leading his wife and I feel like as his wife your naturally falling into a God designed order.
You seem like a healthy thriving couple so what’s wrong with Gods order for your marriage you are a living example of how good it can be
Please do not be ashamed or even trying to word so other won’t be offended! That’s not your problem
I wish you guys the best
👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾
I watch these like they’re shows tbhhh. but anyways hi yvette :) if you see this, I would 100% love to go to a conference you hosted or apart of some type of mentorship program or something of those sorts. just wanted to voice that in case you’re ever considering it :))
??? Why not just hey I would like another person…
Yvette says 'simultaneously' the British English way.
Welcome back
the sweaty palms is a whole nervous condition...and i can't stand it either. I wouldve went to another place too.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
💚💚💚💚
Right before 11:30 mark… it made me think about a friend who has a similar issue of not being about to get off the phone. I’ve gone down the hall, in earshot, and I yell their name so they can be like, “Girl, I’m so sorry. Chanda is callin me, sounds like she needs some help. I’ll have to talk to you later.” Sound rushed and they will stop in their tracks.
Yvette you are saying it the English way cuz we say it simultaneously like you, glens way sounds weird to me lol
dang...can i change my answer to the survey??? per the 10 bullet points i'm not a people pleaser. But can I add that i think I've become so tough via covid. I've gotten so much hate in Fla for wearing a mask and shield at work in the pharmacy that my tolerance for foolishness has become zero.
Why they hating if you want to protect yourself? Unbelievable the selfish mentality