Who REALLY Benefits from Marriage?
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- čas přidán 14. 09. 2022
- In this episode of #HowMarriedAreYou, we respond to a DM from someone asking us to help them convince their significant other that marriage is a good idea. Listen in as we discuss who benefits the most from marriage. Make sure you listen to the ENTIRE episode before turning it off.
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We both are benefiting- my husband is also a stay at home dad and he does a lot! I couldn’t be successful without him supporting me and my career.
“There is no way I become me without you” that’s so true.
True Samira
Yvette: "it's cards"
Glen: "what kind of cards?"
Yvette: "marriage be hard cards"🤣🤣👀
Really glad y’all are friends with the Fredericks cause the HMAY x Love Hour collab gone be fye 🔥🔥
My wife and I are going on 7 years of marriage, we both are benefiting. We both have taught each other a lot, she has taught me to be more gentle and I have taught her to be more bold. She cooks amazing and taught me how to cook, I taught her the importance of saving and budgeting. The list keeps going, marriage is rewarding when you both are committed to each other.
Good balance Elbin marriage is partnership and should be benefiting to both spouses
The Lord has to host a conference with care packages for those of us who haven’t experienced a love like this 😢.
A marriage so clear on its values is so beautiful 😍.
Thank you for letting us into your marriage so intimately ❤.
Glens “Figure it out!” Had me weak 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love y’all! So funny
I totally benefited from marriage and my awesome husband. He is disabled now and I will never leave. Having a life partner makes all the difference. Having someone who challenges you is how you grow. I couldn't imagine how I would have grown without him. It's like we are a custom fit😊.
I love this conversation!! I 100% agree how he described the hundreds of intricate micro decisions that she handles daily that enables him to focus on the macro vision and direction. I somehow shoulder the heaviest parts of a relationship but somehow my mind doesn't make space for me to remember where I placed the grocery list. My wife filling in the gaps and supporting me is exactly what directed me into becoming the man I am.
The concept of "who benefits the most" just feels like a single mindset. We mutually benefit...our marriage, our family, and lives have benefited in tandem. We struggle together but we're both winning!
Very well said!
How did you transition from a single mindset or a marriage one. Or did you always have a marriage mindset? I’m struggling on this one
Love the analogy you gave there Yvette, with baptism. The word you were looking for is , sacrament. Marriage is a sacrament just like baptism. Which is an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace. (Literally remembered this from the years back when we learned about it at the Anglican church before confirmation. )
A family cartoon with chocolate baby story times would be amazing.
I agree
I think both me and my husband benefit from marriage. I think it’s different for every couple. It’s really what you choose to do as a couple. I dislike the negative videos on marriage and it’s coming from single people most of the time. Marriage can be the best decision you’ve ever made if you work together and operate as one.
If you drag him into marriage per se, you’ll be dragging him your whole marriage.
I'm enjoying these episodes. You can absolutely tell they have been working on themselves and their relationship. It's beautiful to witness. Thank you for being an example ❤️
Yes! I'm new to the wedding party. I've binged several random videos and you can see a huge difference. I love it so much!!!
Wish I could like this twice! It was so good!
Liked it for you Cassandra😅
I agree. I’ve been married for almost 2 years. We’ve learned a lot from each other. I’ve had to pick up the financial weight in our marriage. Then, the tables turned and he carried that burden. We both benefit and the benefit is not always quantifiable or monetary. Honestly, I feel many of the things each of us are doing for our marriage might not harvest until years later. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. You are free falling with someone while cliff diving into each other’s lives.
Been married 11 years. Definitely we both benefit. He has his strengths I have mine and we hold each other up
I was the same with reading. To get better I stopped turning down reading in public (more likely church) fight through that and being corrected IN PUBLIC (LOL thing they were just annoyed of how slow I'm going). Overtime though, no one would know. I am sooooo much better. Lol just need a way to figure out to better with my numbers
Awww this was sweet, to hear a man talk about love this way when talking about fathering ❤
100% marriage is hard and scary, thank you articulating that Glen. Been married 5 years and it has been mutually beneficial, we have both grown personally and professionally but that growth comes from being committed to eachother. Open and honest communication, willingness to be vulnerable. Discussing what you want, setting goals together and asking for her help have all been lessons we have learned along the journey thus far. Love your podcast, came over from belief in fatherhood. God bless
“Marriage is a commitment to the refining process.” It’s a contract to serve. This is a beautiful episode thank you
I think the church has made it hard for some women to see the value in marriage and not necessarily television. I’ve seen so many preachers that make it seem like it’s not a partnership and more of a dictatorship. I’ve been in a dictatorship marriage before and thought it was my duty. Never again.
In my marriage I am the one who would fly downstairs to fight an intruder and my husband would be cheering me on because he doesn't like confrontation and has NEVER been in a fight 😅😭.
We’ve been together since 1995💕
Marriage Life is great in my experience. I've been married 11 yrs. Now it's a 24/7 struggle to maintain understanding, happiness, and devolution which does require some sacrifice. But going through life in a partnership such as marriage makes life experiences good or bad that much better!!
Glen, for someone who said you didn't know how to answer that question; you answered that question to the utmost. You hit all points of the benefits of getting married. 👏🏾
If there is a loud noise downstairs def. my hubby going first but I am behind him… the backup… with a broom/stick. We riding together. 😂 LOL
Period 😭😭😭!!!! We in this together ! We gonna JUMP EM 😂
Glen's how married are you story was funny, he's like you ain't giving strangers on the Internet all the glamour and then giving me the durag, no way lol 😂
I think this was one of the best episodes of the reboot!!! You two were really in sync with each other and it was enjoyable to watch and see you laughing at yourselves TOGETHER again. 💜
I love Yvette’s laugh 😂
I believe it's important to separate the concept of marriage from the humans that enter into it. Then, we'll see how the human factor is what makes a marriage a success or not. That marriage itself is simple and beautiful. 💙💙
I really appreciate this episode. It seems that this question always comes from the perspective of financial benefit and we have to think bigger than that. I agree w/Glen. If you have to ask this question, marriage is probably not for you. Some of the benefit won't be tangible AND it may not even be something you can articulate with words; you just know it.
Thank you for that very last part. Most of my friends are married and tell me all the time that i overhype marriage in my head. But i refuse to lose hope and this magical desire for my future marriage. #ImSoSingle
I agree with Beleaf's (Glens) answer.... everything he said spot on with how I feel.
Amazing podcast as always! I love how much you guys laugh and smile this season!! ❤️
Run girl! He’s not ready.
You guys seem so in love lately, I think another baby will soon be on the way😊😊😊
28:45 - Yvette’s face lol.. nah I woulda had to stop right there lol
I LOVE that y’all know and collaborate! Two BLACK CHRISTIAN COUPLES WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO ❤🥰🙌🏾👏🏾🙏🏾👰🏾🤵🏾♂️👩🏽❤️👨🏾👫🏾💍🖤🤎✝️
There so much to say about this AMAZING episode! I wish married men could articulate clearly the benefits of marriage to men who are thinking about it but kinda on the fence without stating what the benefit is to the women. It would bold well to state what the benefits are to you as a man, periodt.
It doesn’t seem like the boyfriend really knows what marriage is about. And marriage is certainly not for everyone. If she wants marriage and he doesn’t, maybe he is not the one for her.
I’m a big proponent of the spiritual institution of marriage. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I believe there is a level of self that is only reached when we bring our family and community together to declare our lifelong commitment to serve each other, and ask for their support.
A secure and selfless self, is the highest version of self. I think a marriage done right, can bring that out of ppl. It’s not the only way, but it’s one of the best ways. I mean we can all become monks and reach our greatest self too 😂.
Welcome back! Amazing podcast and I truly admire you all. It’s such a joy seeing the representation of healthy black love. Thank you for showing “the process” and not just the highlights. Years ago I went to a premiere of a documentary by the Black Love creators. They did a great job. However, the couples all experienced some type of traumatic hurdle throughout their relationships. I noticed that in probably 4 out of the 5 couples who appeared in the doc, the women suffered and carried most, if not all, of their husband’s choices. The basis was that they “stood by their husbands/partners” and that they were “still standing.” I remember thinking, this is interesting b/c I don’t think I want to get married and my highlight is that I stood through someone’s consistent recklessness or stubbornness. Everyone isn’t built for the trauma. Looking at that doc and personally witnessing countless unbalanced relationships I could see that marriage benefited the man if he has a woman willing to stand still, hold on, keep house and wait until he figures it out. I knew that I didn’t want that future for myself. It was jarring…Dating over the years helped me to realize that men like you, Kier, Devale, etc., are the exception; not necessarily the rule. The buffet is not the greatest (so much food and hardly anthing to eat) and yet I still believe that some ppl experience healthy relationships. So some of us who haven’t had that opportunity may want to get married but will not settle for the instability. Instead we live free lives and have chosen to enjoy consistent peace until…whenever. I love “love” but I love me so much more. I can also understand that stance from a man’s perspective, especially if he’s a good one. I encourage ppl to hold on to your peace, be honest with yourself and your partner, and live your life. To your point Beleaf marriage may not be for everyone and that’s okay. The longer you live with peace, the harder it is to sacrifice it.
This!
This episode is EVERYTHING. Sooo good. Thank y'all for sharing!
I'm not married yet, but I do believe it is (and should be) mutually beneficial on all levels. It's a greater sacrifice, but it's an amazing gain for both parties. If it's not mutual, why get married!? I think the question asked, "Why should we get married?" MAY be coming from couple that is already doing everything a "married couple" does (e.g. living together, having sex, having children, sharing finances) OR from a person that just doesn't want to marry you/ has major doubts.
Checking in from the DMV
This was a really good podcast. Beleaf is really open and honest and giving out gems for real. Much appreciation to the both of you!💜
Such a timely discussion/conversation. Thank you both so much for this ❤
Sex makes majority men feel safe because its an intimate action that allows mean to let all gaurds down. I.e. be vulnerable and not have to be judged/ ridicule for being in that feminine state of action.A sexual safe space allows emotional,mental,physical, and spiritual feelings.
24:33 spot on. I’m not able to be married because I deeply distrust men. I don’t see how I can benefit. I can’t imagine agreeing to hand over any aspect of my life. I agree that some of us ain’t built for it. 28:31 love this a lot. I hope I can get healing from this distrust. Maybe I’m missing out on more than I can dream of. 30:46 let’s consider that the people who don’t get it, were never shown this model of relating in childhood. Don’t give up on us 😂Thanks for this podcast
I really liked Glen's take. Thank you
12 years?? why am I still saying 9? 😩 Glad to have you back!!
I agree with Beleaf, social media is having a big impact on how ppl are seeing relationships.
Just subscribed after watching Anthony’s channel and I just love you guys!!!!
This was beautiful! I love how you two love each other.
I’m about halfway through the book already. I’m listening on audible. It’s great!
I genuinely love y’all so much
Yall look extra in love today...see night must have been NOICE!!!
🤣🤣🤣
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we both have benefited. He has grown so much and was placed into a new role of husband and father which he loves. In regards to me being married, it has shown me my relationship with God in regards to real grace and love, but also has pulled things out of me that I wasn't doing before or didn't know I could. But def always go back to what scripture says in how things should be done. After all, he is the creator and knows the way he wants things to be done and what role each person should play. Humans are the ones who try to make it confusing when they want things to fit into their lifestyle. Great words Glenn! You guys should talk about sex more off camera or something. Yvette seems so uncomfortable with just hearing the word. It is what God created man and woman to do. Do not feel ashamed of it. It is the natural order of things. Free yourself don't let that word make you feel so awkward. Sort of like hugs or kissing, I didn't see that at all in my house growing up and I refuse to carry that into our home. You are married, I sure hope your having sex it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Just my thoughts.
I believe that marriage is created to be a mutually beneficial relationship, whether it actually is for you or not. There are seasons in every relationship where one person may benefit more than the other, but I believe that it will average out at the end like heads or tails; it ends up being 50-50 over the span of the longevity of the relationship.
Loved this conversation!
Hello to my fav couple in CZcams❤️God bless you🙏🏽
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the same way about "Why Did I Get Married Too"! 🤦🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
Thanks Glenn, we can't only focus on financial benefits. There's so much additional benefits.
"I thought I got robbed" this made me spit out my food 😂
Thanks so much for this episode. It helped me see marriage in a positive light and what type of character I will accept in my future husband.
😂 is this foreplay? Hahahahaha. Love the message, it's the serving her
Question for kev & Melissa: what is the hardest part about running a social media business? How does the personal nature of your business affect your marriage? Advice for anyone new to navigating social media business & family.
So good.
I pray I have a fruitful marriage
You guys are actually killing me I couldn’t breath properly for a minute 🤣🤣🤣😭
Not the homie hookup!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I do believe that both people in a marriage benefit from the union. Sometimes you have to be the backbone and other times your partner is being the strong one. Your marriage will constantly evolve as you get older and stay together but you both have to be willing to work at your relationship. Marriage is not for everyone and if you have to convince someone to marry you then you don’t need to marry them.
That guy doesn’t want to get married. If he doesn’t see the value of marriage, sis need to find someone else who is the man she wants and needs in her life. If he doesn’t see a benefit of anything about starting a family ( marriage + kids) he never will on her timeline. He likes dating and being single. He should have been up front with her in the beginning of the relationship that he will never be interested in marriage instead of wasting her time. He obviously doesn’t see the value in you enough to do what he can to not worry about losing you but for you to conform to what he wants. You do what you can to preserve, protect and keep the things and people you value in your life. This is different in a way that he doesn’t seem to like permanent attachments. Great explanation Glenn & Yvette.
On the topic of making a list for marriage. I had a list for what I wanted in a husband that was good for the time of my life I was in. BUT when I met my now husband everything I thought I knew was uprooted!! I had no idea what I NEEDED or even WANTED besides 'he must be a good person' I was sick of choosing trash men and so I changed my prayer to God to give me what HE knew was best for me. I limited my OWN self with my list I realize now its because I didn't have faith in marriage based on what I saw in church and in the few marriages around me. My husband doesn't believe in God but I am fine with that because my spiritual journey is my own and I don't want anyone to butt in 🤣
After 28:45 - Yo Beleaf, I ain’t gon lie bro… I been there and was thinking the same thing as you lol.
I love how you guys are coming back. Do you think the hard time you went through in marriage before you took a break to figure out if you were gonna stay together has made your marriage stronger. Y’all need to talk about the positive growth scince you were so transparent with us about your struggles back then. WHAT HAPPENED
Not the homie hook up!!!😂😂 I enjoy listening to your podcast
I believe marriage comes with a blessing, favor, and honor. Shacking no matter how you try to dress it up, does not.
It makes my heart smile to see Yvette blush everytime Glen talks about sex. Everytime Glen mentions sex, lol, I say OMG Yvette is about to melt in her chair. 😍Love y'all
Yvette caught the same thing I caught!🤣🤣🤣🤣she was like wait hold up😒
Even though I know what the Bible says about marriage, I would like to see y'all go over scripture. Also, I agree marriage should be mutually beneficial. Unfortunately, because of my recent break up and situations I've seen from my peers I'd be lying if I said there isn't some doubt and worry when it comes to marriage in this day and age(social media doesn't help either) I still would like to get married someday, but I'm definitely a lot more cautious now...and I was already cautious before. Lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Awesome show!!!!
Ooohhh yeah!!! I need my email so I can detail my list...clears throat* 🤨😆
Countdown...❤️
18:31 - 🗣🗣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
I think men benefit. Women do sooo much work in a marriage most times.
If it’s a true partnership both benefit from dual incomes and dual care.
I'm ready for a book..
Yes!
Another great episode. I have missed you guys.
I think that there has been an effort for some men to put a value on women like we are a commodity. What can we do for a man...are we valuable enough through ability to have children, dating/sex history, availability of time for that man, being submissive, being in shape. If we are a commodity to men then they feel as this guy does....women are the only ones who benefit in a marriage. He is saying that we aren't equal in value to him and we need men to give us value.
Marriage is mutually beneficial. We should be adding value to each other. Because we are both valuable as human beings. Both people if healthy and whole should bring their full selves to the partnership adding value and strength to the other. Dying to self each putting the other first. That may look different for each person at different times of the relationship. And this only works if you married the right person and the right person is fully committed to the ups and the downs.
I get what he’s saying but he said it in such a horrible way but I’m with you bro🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
Please discuss in marriage how to have “time” for each other with having young multiple children
So hearing how glen said he’s more vibrant I swear he be cursing these kids out 😂 (not judging) cuz I talk the way he does to my students n my son be so confused with why they get the watered down version
.. if you walk down the stairs I'm concerned 🤣🤣🤣
Let’s explore the Bible. Please.
20:00 What I propose Glen is saying is that Yvette is too soft and scary when he needs her to be "Bout it!" should things 'get real'! Be capable and aggressive if need be and not absent minded, panicked, uncertain or passive when things get real and pop off. Think on the fly! Be proactive, not reactive and def dont panic and be sacred when you have to defend 4 kids. If you cant kill the roach or spider, how the heck you gone be a lioness and defend kids and self if need be!?
Low key check into the swing respectfully 🤣
I said the saaame thing, like MRS.MELANIN
Most of these reasons can happen outside of marriage. A man can just live with me to protect me… blah blah blah. The difference to me is the business relationship since it’s a legally binding contract. Whoever is in the better financial position (credit/salary/debt) at the time could benefit the least…
Ayeee💓
LMBO next house will be a one level to ease Glenns mind.
To me the topic of protection was interesting because sometimes we bring up the small minority of Women that “protect” the household but those are usually single mothers that have to protect. Most women want a husband that will be able to protect them in times of trouble lol or at least I Do 😁. This isn’t a debate for me, the man protects the house and the woman nurture the family.
Bible please. I don't think marriage makes sense without God. If you aren't surrendered to the Father it'll be very hard for you to serve one another and die to yourselves. In my experience, I didn't understand the love of God until I got married and had a child. Marriage is a physical example to the world of our relationship with God. Great episode. Glen definitely dropped some golden nuggets. Love yall and so happy for the things the Lord is doing in yalls life. 💗
The homie hook up 🤣 i can’t
My fiancé is also scared when I walk down the stairs or do anything really lol