Are You Trapped by Shame?
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- čas přidán 16. 05. 2023
- Are You Trapped by Shame?
On today’s show, we hear about:
- A first-time parent struggling to love his new baby
- A woman afraid to make decisions
- A man wondering if he should tell his community about his cross-dressing
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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Can we just acknowledge how important John’s show is? I have a strong suspicion that caller number one with the newborn would have never gone to therapy over the immediate situation. He would’ve held onto these feelings of shame for a very long time and it would’ve complicated things, but John ironed it out, straight up and right away.
And that is the importance of this type of platform.
So true!!! I’m so thankful for his show. The handled that call beautifully.
I think he would potentially hurting the baby if he had not said something about it too.
💯...I just came across his platform and damn he is helping a lot of people...his level of empathy is wild! Fab Platform
Totally!!! Especially talking about post partum for men like that. Legend
100000% it amazes me how he get's whats going on within seconds. The well of wisdom he has is really amazing. This is what the Dr Phil show should have been. I pray this show keeps on this path.
There are so many men that don't feel connected to their babies until they are a few months in... its not talked about enough
It’s because their parents and extended family never prepared them to even hold a baby much less appreciate one. I tried to show my 7 year old nephew a picture of a baby I am connected to. He was looking interested when my Sister chimes in-“He is not about looking at babies!” I ignored her and said “See how cute his tiny ears are? So little! So perfect! He’s cute, huh?!” My nephew was interested but that’s all I did-just a little glimpse. Maybe I will show him more pics later. Just positive connections!
What an incredibly strong guy this first caller is, to reach out for help and bare his feelings. Thank you John, for educating people that this happens to dads as well as moms. ❤
To Jacob in Dallas - I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise if you do what John says (go see a doctor), things will get better. I suffered from severe PPD/PPA and my husband had PPD as well. We both got help, and now we are grateful and on the other side with our 13 month old daughter. It isn’t always easy, but those intrusive thoughts don’t come and we can love our little girl with more then we ever thought possible. It will get better, I promise. Hang in there
Twenty one is very young to have a child I think it can be even harder for men than women to settle down and have kids this young. It’s good he’s reaching out for help.
My husband and I married at 20 after graduating from college and had our first son the month we both turned 21. It all depends upon your maturity level and expectations.
Its alot at this age …i think they should get someone for now for those 3ams and baby starts sleeping and hes getting treatment from Doctor
If you're "too young" to deal with the consequences of your actions, then rethink whether or not you need to be doing those things.
He's old enough to have sex, he's old enough to deal with the natural consequences of sex.
@@sometimesising1016 it's still overwhelming for someone that age. Brain's not developed yet. Not sure what point you're trying to make.
I was 25 when I had my daughter and it was tremendously difficult for me to bond with her and settle down. Maybe I’m abnormal for a female. However I never hated her and would have defended her to the death. My response was to go from food stamps to my Masters degree within 5 years. But I wouldn’t say I was domestic.
Dad with crying baby ❤️ You did something incredibly brave to call and say out loud what you are really dealing with and it will help so many people that don’t have that level of courage to call and seek help! This is not your fault and you are being the best dad you can be to get help and be well.
I get it Jacob! Truly do. My newborn scared the crap outta me on her first wk home. . I did most everything scared. Ok…the first 2-3 yrs. I had no idea of what I was doing. So good you’re getting it all out w Dr John.
Dad with the baby, I hope you do read all these encouraging comments. I'm a young dad too. 29 with a 3 year old and a nine year old. My 9 year old was my wifes son from before we met, so i became an instant dad upon getting married. It was hard. Then my daughter came and i had some of the same feelings. My wife and i struggled because i didn't get help when i needed it. But on the other side of it, things are so much better. You can do it and those sleepless nights get better. Your baby will learn emotions and one day you'll hear a little toddler say "I love you daddy!". Keep supporting that baby, wake up and change the diaper, and get some help. You're gonna make it.
My husband feels shame that he didn't connect with our firstborn for 4 months. He's an amazing father and husband now. He's a much better father than I am a mother. The issue is real and not talked about it enough.
Post pardum depression for either a mother or father feels like you’re stuck in the dark and like there is no way out. Like it will be dark forever. But as someone who has been there, I can promise the light at the end of the tunnel is there, and getting help will get you there faster. You will feel better again, and you will get that feeling of love for your baby you were promised that you would feel. And I’m so proud of every parent who seeks help!
My entire heart goes out to the first caller ❤❤❤ I cannot imagine how hard that is. The fear, the depression, the anxiety, all juxtaposed with the joy of a new baby. He is incredibly brave for reaching out and calling. I’m SO thankful for what John said. It was so empathetic and strong and you can tell it comes from a place of personal and professional experience. Praying for that young man and his family ♥️ God will lead him to the right doctors and counselors and community.
I can relate to what Dr Delony says but as a mom. I got twins at 35 and was on bed rest for 2 months prior. I think I got untreated post partum depression. I loved them but was so severely sleep deprived and all that I had no enjoyment. I had hallucinations from lack of sleep and deep sadness. They were healthy and amazing beautiful little girls. My world imploded. They are 10 years old now. The first 2 years was a complete fog.
Were you a single mom of twins or did you have a husband helping you raise the twins?
I started having tears after hearing John telling him not to read CZcams comments because “people are cruel.” I believe most people are not cruel.
❤
I agree...most people are understanding and compassionate..we cannot consider the 5% of negative people.
Came here to say that , I came straight to the comments and realized there is so much support that if he didn’t he missed out on that… I love that John was protecting him you never know the internet will always internet.
You're right, but all it takes is one bad comment that can get stuck in your head forever.
Comment sections are hell
I had 2 female friends who really regretted having kids. Had they been brave enough to talk about their true feelings to a therapist who wouldn’t have judged them perhaps things would have turned out better. It doesn’t make you a bad mom or dad if you hate or feel like your baby is a burden. Get help and talk about it so you can heal. One of the moms I mentioned is now on drugs and the other one’s son has a lot of psychological problems due to his mom rejecting him unconsciously. They never got help. Please get help if you’re struggling.
"One whiff of who I am and they all turns their backs."
😢 Punch in the gut I have live with my 30+ years.
People who have thought patterns like this have huge risk for hurting their babies. Not because they are horrible people but because their brain isn’t working right. Hopefully this guy gets help asap
Much love to that 21 y/o. You are not alone. You are loved. My sister is 34 and struggling with this with her first born who is a month today actually. She is seeing psychiatry is on meds and doing counseling. I am telling her the same stuff Delony is telling you. You did good to call in! Please please get help. You are not alone in this
First caller… you are not alone. I had three bio babies and never had ppd. Then we adopted a baby, got her right from the hospital and I experienced pretty bad PAD (post adoption depression). It isn’t just for mothers who birth a baby. It’s so many things. It’s the lack of sleep, constant state of overstimulation from the baby crying, worrying about your spouse, etc. and I do know that all of those things affect hormones, for men and women. Please get help! You’re worth being taken care of, even if you didn’t grow and birth a baby.
Low testosterone levels, and depression experienced as anger/rage, very interesting! Ive had depression for the last 2 years, but never thought about it that way. Thanks!
Rooting for the young dad calling! You can do it - we all don’t like crying babies but it’s going to get better!
He shouldn’t be alone with that baby. That’s how babies get shaken…
Yes. That’s alarming and no one is calling it out.
Everyone thinks they should have a child. Too many people dont take the time to think about implications. Im never having one because I would feel like this guy and all the miserable mothers out there.
When the caller from Dallas talked about dropping his baby in the middle of the night, he needs to get psychological help immediately. I'm worried about that baby. I hope the baby's mother keeps that baby safe.
I have an aces score of 7, my mother has a 6, my father had a 10. Blame has been a difficult process for me as I’ve aged and worked through so much of the pain and anger. At first I blamed myself, as a child, my parents as a teen, and back to myself as a young adult and yo-yoing back and forth countless times. Personally I have found peace in knowing that while the abuse was obviously horrifying, I know that abusers are often living in a kind of hell themselves. One they apparently couldn’t find their own way out of…
Dr John
You are a blessing.
I know this clip is a year old and you don't read them,
I just want to express it.
Thank you 🕊🙏🕊
Not all cross dressers become transgender. He seems like he just enjoys the feelings being able to be softer and feminine brings him. That's what I've seen in the men around me who is more fluid. Not everyone wants to be or needs to be this macho hyper masculine man. Not every straight/bi woman wants that either for a partner.
He has an amazing and supportive wife. They're in love, she accepts him for who he is too. Cross dressing is not his whole identity and i think that's something he needs to come to terms with.
It's very weird how people make one thing about themselves their entire personality. Also, for my FIL, I would just not dress up like that.
To the guy who a newborn' father:
I gave birth to my son and didn't love him the first six months.
I was surprused he cried so much and that I couldn't escape from him.
I invisioned a fairytale motherhood with an angelic baby who fell asleep when I sang lullabies. I am a singer. Haha. He hated it. He always cried. I was offended.😂
Also:
Maybe, because you were bullied as a child, you feel bullied by your crying newborn, because you feel like you give him your all, and he doesn't care.
Nothing helps.
Regardless of how you feel, the baby will be the way he is.
Some babies cry, some babies don't .
Hugs to you and a big shout for taking a manly responsibility on your shoulders.
Deal with you.
And all will be ok.
Im happy that yall are shining the light on paternal Post partum. The men go thru the 9 months of fantasy life too, getting attention and having hope. And then BAM, the crowd disappears and you are alone with a screaming baby at 3am. Its hard. Im glad this dad reached out before it got the best of him. I hope he DOES read the comments lol. So far, so good. ❤ its always comforting to find out your feelings are normal
For the love of God ....first caller please go and get some help immediately!!! God bless u and your Family. Praying for you.
Appreciate you and your enthusiasm ❤.
Great advice
Thank you
Kids are a lot. People should be told this. Babies are a lot!!! Wait to have them....wait until you are solid. Having kids before 25, isn't the best.
and stop telling women who dont want kids to have them.
Kids are a lot, I had 3 (2 step) at 31 years old all under 6. This guy sounds like he had issues as he said way before. And now he hates a newborn?? I don’t get this. Deloney shouldn’t tell him he’s not psycho. He doesn’t actually know that. That’s dangerous.
Awesome show! I appreciate the openness of the callers-- so much courage!! Dr John-- you were in the zone!
I feel for John-- he's clearly suffering from postpartum and he's not a bad person. He feels guilty, you hear the pain in his voice--clearly, it's weighing on him so much. I do hope he seeks professional help.
Having a child is never as they expect, there's still young, and he had to grow up fast, considering his age too. It's alot.
OK but, am I the only one that isn't bothered by dark thoughts, I keep hearing ppl panic about "scarry" thoughts and I'm just like "thoughts can't hurt me do you're thing mind"
nah-people are scared. But when it comes to helpless animals, kids, the elderly…When someone expresses hate-it has to be addressed as if the worst might happen. Dark thoughts are fine in my brain but some brains NOT So MUCH!!!
@@beastshawnee yee ppl tat lack self controll or have entitlement
Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time and that's perfectly normal, it only comes down to whether you act on them or not, which again, the vast majority of people simply do not act on them because they realize it's messed up and just an intrusive thought
@JoshwaLaw but why be scared if it's just a thought, even if it's somtbing you plan to do it's still in you're hands no one else's
@@carrie040901 oh yeah no I totally agree with you, if you know yourself and know you wouldn't ever act on those thoughts, it shouldn't be scary. It's only ever a problem if they happen CONSTANTLY, or if you act on them. In that case a therapist is an immediate necessity
Thanks
If only the Dad who murdered his baby with a spare gun could have called the show…..😢
WHEN John told the first caller not to read the comments, I disagreed, because I think people would feel compassion for him. I feel only compassion for him. I hope he goes and gets help and is able to love his baby the way he feels he should. I think, if this man does not go get help, then he may go through his whole life resenting this child and never developing close relationship with him/her.
I think its better to get pregnant once you are settled down in life. And also to finish school first before you take on a responsibility of a child. Stay away from sex until you are ready to take its consequences.
Kinda bummed how often John says don't read the CZcams comments. I get it. Majority of CZcams comments, definitely cruel.
But I feel like on this channel the majority of people genuinely care and are definitely not cruel.
Look through individual episodes, people are jackasses.
A lot of the individual segments are like honey for inc3ls and trolls. I have to tell myself to not scroll and I'm not the one calling!
I think I am more scared for John, the caller and his intrusive thoughts of his baby than Deloney is. I never knew guys got post partum depression when they aren't carrying the babies.
So what was the outcome John??!?!?!!!
Some of these people the show should call back and make sure he sees a Dr and therapist. That's a little scary.
They do.
I'm trapped by a perpetual game of mouse trap
Do what now?
Aces score of 8. Need to go to therapy but can’t afford it. 😢
Depending on where you live, you can see an intern at some practices (community mental health places, for example) for free. They aren't fully licensed or very experienced, but they are under the supervision of someone with a license. I have seen a few that really helped me out and at least it was a bridge that could get me through until I got insurance or could afford trauma therapy. I'm really sorry you are facing that barrier, it is a real injustice in our society but I hope you can get the help you need soon.
Use better help it is cheaper
I am not even sure that the human biology and evolutionary pressures, has made a very young man to be enamoured with a new born under any circonstances
Jacob i like your name 🎉😅
Plans for tomorrow:
✅school
❎drugs
I had PPD for over a year. I used to fantasize about throwing her out the window while driving down the freeway and using the phone cord as a quieting string lol...
It's all common.
(Fyi my daughter is 20 now lol so she survived)
This 21 yr old man sucks. It's a good thing he talked to Dr. John. Ppl, especially men, think they can act like idiots and not have consequences. My heart hurts for that baby. He didn't ask to be here. He made him. There's nothing wrong with this guy. Yes, he needs therapy but the problem is that he bought into the premise that the majority of men fall into. Hopefully therapy will help him grow up.
Why on planet earth would anyone make babies at 21 with a life expectancy of 80, at his age It’ll probably be 90 or 100. When he said “we weren’t together” I knew immediately the real problem is that he feels stuck and isn’t ready. I hope he gets help.
Guys, Gals. We are meant to be raising babies within a community of God loving people. Stop looking for best friends at church and start identifying those you can trust and walk with. The friendships will come later. But get into a faith based community - it takes a village!
you very young couples cannot do it by yourselves...in the past we had an extended family to reach out and help....it is tooo much for a young couple. Try to stay a few years with each other before having children
For me personally, it would not be about cross dressing, but rather about lying. I can’t deal with lying: HUGE problem for me. No one needs to be angry with me:I’m not tying to knock the guy down.
Jesus died for your shame. Your anywhere, anytime shame. You just have to remind yourself of that truth. That’s how you get rid of it. That’s the same way with guilt.
I have a feeling that cross dresser will end up transitioning, I hope not cause that will hurt the wife.
“Hate” a newborn? Having a baby is very challenging. Having toddlers is even harder. It doesn’t get easier anytime soon bro!
14:20😳 psycho!!! Ladies be careful who you have kids with.....seriously.
He’s a hurting guy doing his best. Let’s have grace for him and pray for him and his family.
You're acting like mothers going through post-partum depression don't also have these thoughts... PPD is real. It doesn't make you a psycho. It happens to men and women and it should be talked about more. He's not a psycho for having these feelings, but it is his responsibility to get a handle on them for his and his family's sake. C'mon now.
Never heard of intrusive thoughts? John literally warned the guy not to read comments by people like you. Unhelpful.
Women gp through this too huh
21 year olds should not be having kids, this guy is too immature to be a parent
21 years old should be a full fledged adult. It is this generation that’s the issue. Essentially a “me-me” generation…
Plenty old enough to have a baby. Full grown adult. Young … yes. But old enough.
Yeah! No one should be having kids till they're 50, at least!
My son was born when I was 22. I wasn't the most mature, but I was a really good dad. I'm glad I had him young, because when he's a young man I'll still be young enough to be active with him.
@@tinam761 no kidding, it isn’t even really “young” either, it’s actually the optimal time for reproduction.
Charlie? Boy or girl
Seriously?
You don't know people of both genders called Charlie? Really? I find that hard to believe if you live in a western country
My nieces name is Charlie 😊
I have a family members daughter named Charlie so John is not out of line to ask the question!
Charlie can be short for Charlotte
Many girls named Charlie
Treating a cross dresser who’s seeking help with kindness is good. Telling a cross dresser their behavior is ok and is to be accepted is wrong and is not love.
Love rejoices in the truth. Love is what corrects our children when they’re wrong.
The Lord says in Deuteronomy 22:5
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
It’s great this guy was seeking help and maybe he developed this perversion from pure curiosity or maybe he was molested like many gay men and women were. Either way it’s a perverse disorder that is not normal and against nature and against human nature. Right and wrong has been innately placed in us from God and perhaps that is a huge source of pain, shame, depression and anxiety which those in the LGBT community suffer with alongside suicide and drug abuse.
Pushing this aside as normal is only denying our maker who lovingly formed us in the womb for a purpose and to live according to his truth because it is good.
Not sure how Dave can keep Delony on his team when he is so actively in disobedience to Gods truth.
If the guy is not actively following Christ why put that upon him? John is treating everyone with respect and dignity which is a value of his. He doesn’t personally believe in it but he’s aware enough to know all of his followers don’t follow Christianity. Also, Delony never said it was okay he was just trying to get down to the bottom of it and in this case it sounds like it was a trauma response after having an ACES score of 10.
Strange because in biblical times men wore gowns and robes with long hair. Gender in a personal thing. God loves each and everyone of us unconditionally.
@@flashthecorgi2053 because Truth is Truth, regardless of how one feels.
@@kathleenphillips7145 what does biblical dress standards have to do with cross dressing?
@@sarahalderman3126 you really think this guys going to change his whole life of cross dressing just because John doesn’t like it? I personally share the same faith but I can see where John really doesn’t have a vote in how the guy chooses to do life,
Anna, I wanted to encourage you to take Dr. D’s advice on the work part of therapy. I am just now doing that myself… I’ve had therapy before, but it was just crisis management/ word vomit sessions for me. Because serious things we usually going on and I didn’t seem to have time to do any real work. I’m 54 now, Aces score of 8. The therapist I have now is has been the best at pointing things out to me and giving me homework that addresses making changes in my self. It’s been taking a loooong time. I utilize her, listening to Dr. D, audiobooks and I follow a few therapist on IG. I have it in my face in other words daily to help me remember what I don’t want to forget… my new coping tools.
One big tool that helps me tremendously is remembering 3 things I want to practice each day. It could be … any healthy way of being and thinking. I love that it’s a “practice” so I don’t have to beat myself up if I don’t make it 💯 that day.
It’s so worth it Anna! At times I balled my eyes out because I didn’t think I could change and I’m starting to see it … I’m starting to see myself default in healthier ways. It will feel strange and scary at times because it’s new … keep getting up again and moving forward. It took a long time before I could see change in myself- my therapist was able to see it before me. Wins don’t necessarily always feel good, because it’s often how you’re handling something difficult - and the difficulty still doesn’t feel good, but how you handle it becomes healthier.
Anna, I see it as always a work in progress. Remember your wins… making the call to Dr. D was a huge win.
P.S. it can be difficult for our family/ friends to deal with our boundaries and healthier way of being… they are not used to it. Keep strong for yourself… it will also be best for your kids to do so. ❤❤❤ best wishes Anna! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
Anna in FL:
I was you two years ago. I am wrapping up two years of therapy, blood sweat & years.
You ARE worth it and so am I.
🤍🤍