Dealing With Crazy Family Drama? (Watch This)
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- čas přidán 6. 12. 2022
- Today, we hear:
- John answering your top questions regarding the holidays, family and how to survive. A woman who suspects her father-in-law is verbally and physically abusive. A husband desperate to reconnect with his spouse after their romance has totally dissolved.
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One of the best memes I have ever seen mentioned "make sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving so you don't need to pay for any Christmas gifts." 😂
I make it a policy not to ask young married couples, “When are you going to have kids?” If they don’t have children, either they don’t want them or they’ve been unable to have them. In either case, the question will be hurtful. I handle singleness the same way.
No offense; it is no-one's business whether young married couples have kids, or if singles marry!
@@jackilynpyzocha662exactly this might have been tolerated better in earlier generations as the expectation was greater n people could be more forgiven for their ignorance so if it's someone in their 70-90's just move on n don't make a big fuss but if it continues be firm buT people from 20-60 should definitely know better.
Now we can't be friends, John. "Little Drummer Boy" is a GREAT Christmas song.
When I go to the doctor I now get well-being questions; have you fallen since your last visit, do you feel safe in your home, etc. Perhaps it is because there is a general sense of concern for mental health post pandemic but it is something her MIL could discuss with her personal doctor during a visit especially since there is a history of attempt to self-harm and leave her husband. I cannot imagine how "unseen" she feels to go to those extremes. This DIL is a family treasure.
Everyone in MIL’s the family has been trained that the abuse is normal and that you don’t involve outsiders. They don’t even see that it is something to share ever.
I'm so happy that John was able to help the lady who called in about her mother-in -law. Thank you to that lady for caring and I completely agree we need to look out for one another in society. We can't keep turning a blind eye.
I would not tell her “next time i see bruises I’ll call the police” because now she’ll have to hide. I would suggest counseling to the MIL. I would tell her that she can talk to you and that she should call if she’s ever not safe.
. . . . And then there's my favorite line that usually shuts them up: " And what would you like me to DO about it?".
Worst Christmas song 🎶 GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER🎄
Thank you John. When that wife, concerned with her Mother-in law being abused. Thank you for helping her have a way to help her Mother in law.
Sometimes, when the abuser knows they've been discovered and there will be a consequence, it stops.
Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer...it's a murder cover-up.
😂😅😂
We used to sing tha song and my grandmother would get SO offended. Made me think she felt guilty about something;there was NO logical reason for her to be offended. It's a known fact that kids like gross humor... We would tell her the song was just sick humor, but she would get all upset (which of course would make it even more funny-we didn't mean to laugh at her reaction but we couldn't help it. We would constantly reassure her it had NOTHING to do with how we felt about her.)
Kelly, listen to your intuition at the grocery store. If it doesn't feel right, be super careful or get a store employee to walk you to your car.
Exactly. God gave you that gut and alarm system for a reason. Stop ignoring it
Yeah... I actually once did get a guy walk me and my children to my vehicle.
@@clairewolf6013 I have done that, too. We accidentally caught a guy breaking into the car next to mine.
Unfortunately the guy who is just roommates with his wife has found someone to use him in order to take care of her and her daughter. Very sad.
poor guy... he needs to b by himself. and what the heck is the mom doing allday?!
@@animaluva098 apparently ignoring him and keep a roof over her and her child's head
I was babysitting at 12.
They had an agreement that she would be a stay at home mother? Either way, She has a job, and it’s taking care of their home and their child?
That’s like saying every single stay at home mother is a freeloader or something.
@@animaluva098 Domestic labor. It is just as valuable as labor outside the home. She’s been raising their daughter for twelve years and keeping their home clean.
If the FIL has long been “argumentative/angry” type guy . . . Possible the physical abuse started in more recent later years? Dementia/alzheimer onset frequently shows significant behavioral changes before memory problems become evident . . Changes in frontal lobe/loss of inhibitions/control etc. . .
Politics with family: I have that one relative who tried to shame me when I refused to talk about politics. "Not everyone has the luxury of ignoring politics and how DARE you try to control what I can talk about."
That’s what hard boundaries are for. You can’t control their behavior but you sure can control their access to you. I recently went no contact with some folks who continue to shame me for being a capitalist. Sorry I went to school and have a good job.
We do our extended family Christmas on the 29th or 30th. We have 6 daughters, 3 SILs, 9 grandchildren, 4 of whom have spouses and 4 great grandchildren. We keep our Christmas tree & decor up until Jan 6 of the new year.
Yeah, 1/6 is Epiphany. Most people I know do that too.
You would be surprised how many people have no clue what Epiphany is, much less that January 6th is Epiphany.
Your response to the other woman seemed belittling. Maybe that’s not what you meant, but there was definitely a tone.
Little Drummer Boy is one of the best! Pa rum pah pum pum
Read a book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker - it’s about that type of intuition.
Better to listen to it and be wrong but be safe than to shake it off or wait around to investigate.
Best book I ever read!
The Gift of Fear book is for all adults, please read it to increase your awareness and safety. Very important to not be a victim! Listen to your intuition and gut feelings about people and situations! Don't let yourself be alone with someone who don't feel comfortable with, like getting in an elevator, someone on the street, etc. Please read this book!
Read it years ago, excellent book. Excuses feel better than intuition. Intuition makes us feel uncomfortable, cuz truth can be scary.
Noooo. I love Christmas music all year round. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. ❤
John having to read out the lyrics at the end added a lot of glee to my Christmas. Thank you, Kelly!
Such great advice. Thank you Dr Delony
Thank you! An expert who agrees it’s wrong to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving! I knew I liked you.😊
The burn at the end by Kelly picking the little drummer boy sent me 😂😂😂😂😂
You're helping me change my life Drm Delony. I'm not a big fan of lightning rounds but ya'll are having fun and I like to see that.
6:50 “slap it up flip it and reverse it”, is the single best holiday advice I’ve ever heard. However cringy it was to hear John misquote the song
Oh, hi! Just wanted to check you out after seeing a joint piece with Minimalist Mom. Surprised I get a live version
Wasn't that fun!? Two of my favorites together!!!
Pet peeve. When someone tells me I cannot listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. 😡 I keep that to myself but if really PRESSED on the subject, I will BLAST the music loud and keep it loud. As long as one keep his nose in his own buisness and doesn't bother me, I'll be civil and keep the music to myself. But don't press me.
😂😂😂😂
Great show. Thank you!
Welcome to the newest 16 listeners!
Enjoyed the lightning round and the song of the day made me laugh. 😂
Dr. John has never heard For King & Country perform Little Drummer Boy... it would BLOW his mind.
Yes! That is SO true! I got to see For King & Country do that song live! WOW! You're right - that will blow his mind!
Wrong. Hippopotamus for Christmas is the worst and I think he didn’t mentioned because it doesn’t qualified as Christmas song. 😂
Drummer boy is a bop John !!
There is a guy at my church who sings Little Drummer Boy with a snare drum, just him and the drum, and that is the only rendition I have ever liked.
Last week I saw the Questions for Humans card that asked which Christmas song you'd pay $67 to never hear again.... I yelled out "LITTLE DRUMMER BOY!!!" ... Yes. The worst.
To the last caller: I really see some similarities to our situation!
1.I'm very uneasy with babysitters, but have let family and now church watch our kids. 2. My husband has had to work a lot, and I realized he wasn't working smart, just hard. So I had to start advocating for him to himself. And it's definitely tied to his mental health issues. He grew up in a bad tumultuous childhood and doesn't have a great outlook on life.
I had a period of giving up on him and letting him overwork himself. But after a while I realized.....if I want a future with him something has to change! So I'm now figuring out how to advocate for him to himself, but also not try to "fix" him. Only he can fix his mental health and all his problems. I can focus on myself but, also make sure I'm not going along with his poor work decisions. (Similar conversation that I've had with myself and hubby, but thankfully our connection is still good.)
dont let the church watch ur kids
Love Jim’s accent!!
Great show John , but I ❤Little Drummer Boy ….
That’s my SONG 🎧
Christmas Shoes is by far the worst song. Ugh..I run from it lol
Absolutely the WORST! Totally agree. Nothing can eclipse its awfulness.
You need to come up with some lyrics for that little jam spot.
And obviously you've never heard Neil Young's rendition of little drummer boy. It is the most serious and hilarious thing I've ever heard of my life.
To hear a grown man trying to make the words "baaa rump pum pum buuuuuuum" sound super serious always makes me laugh. And Neil Young brings it to a whole other level of weird seriousness
My wish for the next Xmas, 1 year without any Xmas reminders! 1 year without Xmas! It’s in December, let’s keep it there, thanks a milllion ✌🏻
nooo little drummer boy is my absolute favorite probably because it’s my grandma’s favorite. I just love her. I can just hear her singing parrumpupumpuuum hahahha
No, you are ruining Little Drummer boy!😂 Please listen to the lyrics, it's about a poor humble boy that can't afford gifts so he plays his music for Jesus🙏
"I think my father in law is abusing my mother in law" - is this the first time ANYONE has noticed physical things about the mom. Either way John's advice is good. Reach out to her and enquire what those bruises were and admit you're concerned, and that you are there for her
5:15 John should make a special musical podcast singing it! 🤣
I can’t do Santa But!!! I love the lil drummer boy song ! 😂🤘
I wish a man would have that conversation with my husband John had with his buddies.
Long time listener since day one!!!!!
SAME here!!
If you spend no time with someone because you work 3 jobs, then expecting intimacy with them is not reasonable as you are contributing zero to the relationship.
I think that people need to prioritize extended family (if they aren't abusive) for the children. We need kids tethered to something. Don't shut your extended family out for trivial b.s., please!
I agree! We raised our children 500 miles away from my family. My in-laws were local. They didn't take to being attentive grandparents. Our kids grew up with a lot of love but no extended family they're close to. We're incredibly blessed but our kids missed out. People, love your grandkids, nieces, nephews, outlaws and inlaws. Most of the time, your life will be richer for it. That said, you can't force people into relationships. All we can do is communicate that we want to be closer and out in the time.
I understand wanting to step up, but you also need to be careful/prepared for a reaction you may not expect. The father of the little girl had a good reaction, but also the father could have had a bad reaction and got defensive.
I clearly remember the day I found out I was being lied to about Santa. I lost so much trust in mankind.
The girl is 12, the wife doesn’t need to babysit her, she should go to work.
Sounds like she may only be there bc she doesn’t have to at this point. I hope they can figure it all out
lol
Be careful giving this advice. Every state has different age requirements for leaving kids alone. Here in Illinois the age requirement is 14.
My kiddo has autism and 100% fractured our relationship with the Santa thing. I honestly dor. Think we have ever recovered from the betrayal he felt. I’m not sure all the fun was worth it.
my brother's trust in our parents was shattered as well. I think this is common with people on the autism spectrum.
Christmas music is cheerful! It has potential to help a person thru a situation ...I think we shouldn't let society tell us when it's ok or not to listen to a type of music
I wasn't I don't think on the spectrum and it was a big disappointment and I stopped trusting my mom too. I decided not to do Santa. We still get gifts but no Santa.
Sorry Dr. John, but even my village agrees, any time after Halloween is good for Christmas music. We do a witch burning bonfire and then after the fire is put out, they play Christmas music. If Thanksgiving had good songs, I'd be all for it. But Christmas is happy. Don't be a scrooge outside of December.
NO! I love Christmas music, and will listen to it ANY time I want to hear it!
The WORST "Christmas Music" ever? "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"!
For the record: the WORSE Christmas song is " Grandma got Run over by a Reindeer " I HATE it.
Why does Christmas with the family make me feel so anxious?
Not James in leather pants on the monitor 😂😂😂
Wonderful Christmas time is the worst Christmas song.
Alright so I wanna say your " hey listen! " more so represents your change of topic or subject. Kinda actually breaks up each segment if you will.
This last caller and I are the same guy pretty much
Id ask husband to check with his "abused mom" if she is under drs care. Post suicide attempt, running away, she SHOULD still be under mental health care. IF the woman is struggling and husband has to restrain wife's impulsive behaviour, or self harm, that can also account for bruises. OR husband may be slipping control and escalating his abuse. So its a hard situation to make assumptions.
55:16 I think Kelly is going to snap one of these days 🤣
Rum, Pum-Pum-Pum... 🎶
Lol! My Mother has moved on from, “when are you going to find a husband?” To “Well, aren’t you at least going to give me any grandchildren? I don’t care how I get them!” I tell her very clearly, “Don’t be putting your eggs in my basket! I don’t want kids and at 41 years of age, I’m hoping all of my eggs will be dust by now, anyway.” If any person jokes that I look flushed, am I having hot flushes, is it the big M, I show them my crossed fingers and tell them fervently, “Hope so!”
Buy her a doll baby as a joke
Is that new ink in John’s left arm? Or have I just missed that all this time?
New ink. He said on IG live this morning that he goes to different tattoo shops in every city he visits because has had a backlog of tattoos he wanted to get.
I don’t disagree with you often, but Christmas music is MORE than acceptable Nov. 1 and Santa baby is the worst Christmas song. Hands down.
YES that's the one!!!!
WHO flirts with Santa??? I've always thought was yucky
@@sackettfamily4685 I turn it off bc I think it's confusing to little kids who have married parents.
John is clearly firing shots by featuring Nebraska in the background on the SAME DAY Ryan Adams released his cover. Most important lightening round question: Springsteen or Adams' renditions? (There is only one right answer, especially if you're a real doctor).
Lol skipping family christmas is fine then next question he talks about how important it is.
You need to listen to August Burns Red's version of Little Drummer Boy. In fact listen to that whole album.
My personal red flag is when the spouse doesn’t work.
Idk about that. I stay home and I make homemade bread, make cookies and meals for those who are sick, play piano for church, give rides, have chickens, garden, work on my yard, host holidays.. it's a job called homemaking, a lost art.
If she isn't doing those things, then yeah, I see your point.
My wife doesn’t have a “job.” That doesn’t make her less valuable in our relationship. She does a ton for both of us, and it certainly fills her days.
Taking care of the home and children is most definitely “work”.
I homeschool and run the house. I have a job. In fact I'm always at work bc I literally live at my job. 🤷🏼♀️
That tells us alot, user, not willing to stand on her own two feet
DIL should ask what happened that she has a bruise, but ask w FIL in room. Might be enough to scare him.
Discovery. Yes.
Mmm you have to be careful with that. She said they’re 70 now. If his faculties are beginning to decline she needs to be even more careful. Sometimes it can make them feel like a cornered dog, and he’ll only lash out twofold at his wife behind closed doors when they get home.
The most dangerous time for a victim of DV is when the abuser feels threatened that he’s about to be exposed, or that she’s about to leave.
No longer dealing with any family drama bc I've divorced all the toxic ones. So it's just me my husband, my son, and my dad two visits a year, 4 days each visit bc that's how long I can be around my dad at one time lol. He isn't allowed to drink when he's here so trust me he's ready to go after 4 days.
Good jobs and glad to know that some people are able to do this. Such a healthier option to leave the toxic folks out of the picture. I get so annoyed hearing people say that family sticks together and family is stronger than water... that's more unhealthy than anything else. We don't need to keep people in our lives if they are hurtful, even if they are family. In my opinion family should be the ones who are kind, loving and trusting but sad that sometimes this isn't the case and they are worst than strangers. I have had to get far away from toxic family too and I commend those others who can. Life has been so much better without them!!😊
Thats just a lil rude John. Across the globe except in the United States of America the Christmas season starts nov1 cause they don’t have a national holiday in between, they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving….
We have Thanksgiving in Canada, but at harvest time, October. So it gets proper attention vs shopping rush for Christmas.
I’m how do you think professional musicians provide you heathens with good Christmas music in December? We start rehearsing in SEPTEMBER! Deal with it or suffer the consequences. Also worst song is “last Christmas” by Wham! Everyone knows that.
you cannot work day and night and only get six hours of sleep, that is not sustainable whatsoever
Disagree. November 1 is the start of Christmas, and the worst Christmas song is Christmas Shoes.
The Killers 🔥
Call me crazy, but I would never let my husband work himself to misery …
Do men not have an intuition?
Yes you guys do😂
Santa is a fun story but if a child asks do not say he is real. I know how I would have reacted. I would have felt betrayed.
I wonder why after 20 years she's just now noticing. Has the guy just started going insane
I wondered that, too. Maybe dementia is kicking in. It can make people feel aggressive.
The gift of fear, man!
Normally I agree with John, but I absolutely disagree with his explanation of ‘intuition’ or ‘feeling something in ur gut’. Very irresponsible of him. He is basically saying question it, maybe it’s nothing. Too often woman don’t listen to their gut, and are raised to ‘be nice’, ‘be kind’ - and get killed as a consequence. Well done to Kelly for flagging her own real & frightening experience- annoying the way John shooed it away with ‘ah you’re probably remembering something from when you were a child’?!! Like if is nothing, just a bothersome ‘remembering’. So very irresponsible of John, I’m very surprised
I'm just gonna say, 'my gut tells me you're a person that has bad opinions'.
So, should I trust my gut? Or question it and explore this from a safer perspective that also respects you?
Maybe reconsider how dogmatic you came across there. Felt pretty judgemental. Thanks
I got followed home when I was in 2nd grade. I didn't have any knowledge of being followed from a previous experience. I just knew they were right behind me, on the wrong side of the street, going very slow and too close. My instinct told me to run to a house for safety. I did. Now, as an adult, I know had I not done that I'd probably not be here today.
@@soul1380but your body may have remembered it from parents or teachers talking about bad intentioned strangers.
@ this point, grandma is waiting for grandpa to keel over and ɗƴe
Daughter-in-law better hope hubby doesn't start acting that way when frustrated 😨
Little drummer boy always bothered me
Because
HOW DOES AN OX AND LAMB KEEP TIME?!?!?
That defies any kind of real answer. Ugh
The wife gotta work now. The daughter is 12. He works two jobs and have no life. Because the wife dont want to change and take a job . Come on !
I really feel like the daughter in law should be encouraging her husband.. the son to do this or be with ber. The mother in law is not likely to give her daughter in law a medal for caring so . much n it eill only highlight the fact that her iwn kids care less. I wonder too if n when the siblings who live further away find out that they won't feel some sort of shame for not doing anything all these years n now the daughter in law shows them up however well intentioned n noble her actions may be. Alsol her relationship with her husband could be soured if sge intervenes without him on board. I agree it is serious n that bc it may have gone in so long and their in their 70's now whats the point n more than likely she will not be killed by him if there actually is abusive. Perhaps the kids didn't see it when rhey were young n or it was less frequent. While most men chill out more with age even abusers maybe he got more emboldened with the emoty nest or his overall unhappiness increased n ge started lashing out at her. Is their a hidden drug or alcohol issue. Also if they wind up divorcing do these folks have ability to pay for seoerate housing or are kids willing to let them stay with them. You have to work through the various scenarios. Quickly but yes.
Christmas shoes. Worst Christmas song ever.
I hope them MIL can scape that hell. And the Canadian dude seems to be the common denominator. Third marriage? Yikes! 😬🥴
What is wrong with you? Don't like little drummer boy? What do you have against Christmas? Wow!
Just answer the "when are you gonna find a husband" question biblically...
He who findeth a wife...
Just ain't been found yet...so uhm..pray for me why don't ya lol the more the Marrier lol
Ask how their sex life is
The more the marrier lol
As a child, when I found out Santa was not real, it destroyed me. I felt absolutely betrayed, like I was treated as a fool. I will not agree to pretend to my grandson Santa is real. However, I will agree and celebrate the fairy tale. I will read the Christmas story I adore, and hope it becomes a story he enjoys reading to his children and grandchildren. I will sing all the Christmas songs, including ones about Santa, with great joy and exuberance. There is Christmas joy in the fairy tale of Santa, and I enjoy it very much, but I will not be pushed or guilted into holding up, maintaining the genuine lie about Santa. I do tell my grandson, 5 years old, that other kids believe Santa is real, and he should not argue with them, or even tell them Santa isn't real, others can keep up the lie if they want to. I will give gifts unreasonably to my grandson, I have a right to, within my financial ability, of course.
I know what you mean, I told my son he was inspired by a real guy who gave gifts out a long time ago but it’s mostly made up but we’re going to play pretend and have fun and he was up for that. I didn’t want to lie to him either.
My parents always told us that Santa brought the one big gift, but that they had to give him money to make the gift. Their idea was to contain our "ask" for gift. So I loved the thrill of getting a stocking filled, and that one Santa gift. But the other gifts were from mom and dad and included new socks and underwear. So it was fun, not overhyped, and no parent said he is Real, they'd answer questions with shrugs etc. Jesus was the main reason for the season, so when Santa faded for me, it was fine.
"Santa Baby" --think about it.
Talk about a welcome mat. Seriously, the kid is 12. Get a job, lady.
😂😂 Immoral and illegal 🎄🎶
Sometimes Delony isn't as good at reading people like he thinks.
He missed the mark a few times in this one.
Dude is weird