What to Do When Others Try to Control You
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- čas přidán 14. 05. 2023
- What to Do When Others Try to Control You
On today’s show, we hear about:
- A man crushed by the pressure his parents put on him
- A woman wondering how to know if you’re marrying the right person
- A man worn out from being controlled by his girlfriend’s behavior
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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Second caller has those friends and family that constantly say "you can do better, you have options" while their lives are falling apart and have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.
Exactly! Projection isn't for the weak! I know too well how much it can take things away and cause drama, loss, and sometimes grief! And ive actually been the first caller too! I just let them know flat out, stop calling me! Oh yeah I've definitely been caller 1!
It really does hurt to let go. And the exhaustion took me out at 35. Mentally physically Emotionally. Wish I had this help before I fell apart. Lost myself. Smh 😭
Sorry John☹️
-I set boundaries with Toxic people for 30 minutes, I literally set a timer on my phone if they call me.
- Think before you talk, talk to toxic people like they are strangers. You wouldn’t spill the beans about internal issues with a Stranger!
I cannot believe that you are giving toxic people 30 minutes of your time.
@@skincareceo You’ll understand when you have such “Hard headed” Angry Energies of people, they always come against you. Hurt your soul, dreams and your thinking!
@@skincareceo WAIT?? so you’re saying, I don’t talk to them?
@@princesskimby you said you give them 30 minutes.
@Princess Kimby I mean yeah, don't talk to them.
To the first caller--I was in your position for over 45 years with my mom and sister. I finally had to alienate myself from both of them. I still miss and love them but cannot return to them. Once I realized that my mom and sister have no control over them emotions and behaviors, I knew I had to extricate myself from them. Carlos, create a new family with your friends. It is doable but different. Some people will not understand your decision, but it is your life. I've felt judged, but I do not care anymore. I have a child and self that I need to protect.
Elle? Caller #2! Listen to your bloody inner voice, your inner guidance, your intuition, your 6th sense or whatever you want to call it. It clearly says that you are not ready, that you have serious doubts about your guy, and that you are totally, absolutely not sure. Give it a break. Let him do his military thing for a year or two. If it's supposed to be - you will both come back together better and more mature, knowing exactly what you're wanting and whether the other has what you desire. Do not tie yourself down with a marriage @ 22 and for god's sake - don't have kids right now. If you want to change your life dramatically - go and get knocked up and see where that takes you!!!
Being in the military changes people [so does working in law enforcement]. Both from the outside influence of hanging out with "the fellows" aka peer pressure, to what it does to our soldiers when they see combat, seen their buddies blown to bits, to overcoming the knowledge that they may have to kill people, or are responsible for the intentional death of others. For some people being in the military can be a godsend - learning discipline, setting goals, getting to know themselves and planning the remainder of their lives accordingly. For most - it's a huge burden - the things they are often forced to do or experience is life changing. Their life changes and so does yours [and your kids, dogs, cats or whatever], whether you know it or not. Give yourself the freedom to mature a bit, grow up a bit more, have some life experiences of your own, go play, learn, travel and experiment before you tie the knot or commit for a life time [or the time your marriage will last!] Blessings, girl!!!
You lose a friend, that's what happens. Either you become a doormat or leave.
Amen! I have to leave one who belittled me in a restaurant the other day. I’m 65 years old and never gave you permission to disrespect me! Bye bye!
I feel like listening to this show makes me a better friend
Caller Elle ... Ya family doesn't get a vote but family sometimes sees things that you may not .. in the end .. go with your gut . .
I don't change for others. I just listen.
Letting go of his parents is hard because they need him. Whether they are using him or not, there is a need there. But he’s got to realize that, that need is a toxic need. Carlos wants to feel needed. I hope he can build a family who will need him in a healthy way, as I’m sure he would be stellar at providing.
You're right they are definitely dependent on him. And it's not the way it is supposed to be. This is what my late late adolescents on through age 16 when my mom decided I was an adult and left me and my 17 y.o. irresponsible sister and her baby In the house we all lived in when I left for school that day. It also came included with the bills that were not paid a perverted slum/landlord.
I think what he was getting at was - if you can’t decide to be all in, or they won’t, then they’re not the one. It was a little unclear at first.
Been there, done that. It does hurt a lot. I'm glad this man is taking steps towards releasing the users in his life. 😔
My family is so bad about triangulation and it's so bad. I hate it, but I wouldn't know if those babies were safe otherwise. :(
Second caller: "Who chooseth me must give and hazard all he hath."
Its important to remember that there is NO ready for life. We can and should take practical steps to protect ourselves, but life is going to... do its natural and sometimes chaotic changes.
Questioning where you pause is a good idea.
My husband and I didnt do everything as completely as we could have... its still a progress.
Before we married, we had a very intentional conversation about marriages we have seen; in family, friends, in tv... things we didnt want to repeat, things we did want to repeat, and some ideas of things we want to try differently than anything we've ever seen before.
That started leads to loooooads of things we couldn't have predicted would be meaningful to talk about.
Sometimes we return to where we left off on some of those tangents to break up conflict and reconnect deeper than like... that immediate (surprise?) irritation that is inevitable in sharing life.
The Dr. John Delony show team is the best!! We love all of you guys who keep the show running Kelly, Jenna, Nate dog, Andrew, Joe, Ben, and Sarah. And, also special shout out to the Star of this show, Dr. John himself. You have changed my life for the better and I’m so grateful to have found this show! ❤️
ARRRRGH!!! Doctor John, you’re the best! BUT dude you really freak me out when you roll through a call without asking a few basic questions. You’re talking to a 22 yr old *girl*….someone who has been legally allowed to buy a bottle of wine for all of a year…you’re strongly encouraging her to “go all in” which in the context of her question sounds like a suggestion of marriage - yet (the way she states it) all her family and friends are sounding alarm bells about her relationship. You have no idea if these people fall into your “you don’t get a vote” group or your “ride or die - I give you permission to speak into my life” group. Furthermore, shouldn’t constant bickering even before marriage, kids, job loss…etc give one pause? Did you really just tell a virtual child to give marriage to a constant sparing partner who has not earned the trust of her nearest/dearest a chance??? If this is an editing issue, bear in mind - your 22 yr old child listeners in destructive relationships do not know this. You’re a GIFT man, but sometimes….
Probably speaking from his own experience I think he said he got married at 22 or 23?
This!!!
Love how ya'll take care of each other at Ramsey!
If we feel that the kids aren't safe, how can we stay connected enough not to totally leave them? I have nieces and nephews that I don't want to abandon. Even though DHR thinks they are "safe enough", I don't believe they are safe. They are in terrible conditions. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to do.
Omg Kelly has the BEST tattoos
Love her ink stories. 😅 they're great
Shoutout to Andy, welders unite! Lol, love the show
Call three- I hope he broke up with her. They are not compatible it seems.
Whoever said “show us your tats” please comment and let us know. This is hilarious.
About the first caller. My kids are 4 years apart and I didn't realize I was asking the oldest for so much advice on the youngest....until they brought it up. They said "Hey Mom I don't know if you realize it but you are talking about X a lot." I was mortified. We were going through a stressful period and I didn't realize how much I was going on about it. I was coming from a good place and figured my oldest would understand the youngest better. I didn't realize how uncool it was of me to be doing that to the oldest though. I'm glad he spoke up and said something. Please make sure you tell your family they are doing that so they can try and correct the behavior.
Starts at 5:20
I was 💯% on knowing my husband was to be my husband!
Same!
@@Cyanopteryx sweet!! God bless you both 💕
Lol I’m these peoples kryptonite. Often I’m blunt to the point I make people cry from hearing the 100% truth. I’m not easily controlled or manipulated as I’m very stubborn
Lol did y’all misspell Charlotte? Or is there a Charlottle NC?? 😂 (don’t come at me, I love this show! Just thought it was funny!)
My husband is controlling but he
doesn’t think he is. If I do something he doesn’t agree with he yells and curses for a while. Then when he’s through he’s through and he expects me to forget it and be happy. It disturbs me greatly and I don’t just snap back. It sometimes makes me feel physically ill. Otherwise he is a pretty good husband. What can I do?
Does anyone know the name of the album in this episode? If so, would you please tell me? Thanks in advance!!!
Not. Allowed. 😭
I didn't like the advise John gave for the last caller. The boyfriend needed to clearly voice his frustration with his girlfriend before leaving. I think that should have been talked about. Give her a chance to change and try to make it work. If she didn't want to, then leave.
Does anyone know if the girl that called in a few weeks ago ran the marathon?
Dear Carlos: 📚 It's Not You: Identifying & Healing from Narcissistic People by
Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Ok I'm just now noticing the pic on the left side of him looking all creepy!!
Elle needs to not. Waaayyyy too young and the family unlikely sees something she does not.
The better question, John, is, are you a criminal?
The 22 years girl.. don't do it! You're going to regret later! Too young to be in serious relationship or marriage! Enjoy your single life until 30 years!
That's not true! Most men and women are much happier when they marry young and live in a traditional marriage and grow their family. It's very fulfilling. We should always be striving to find the right partner. As a woman ages, her ability to have children and have healthy children decreases. Once you're in your 30s, your chances start decreasing quickly. We're all different, for some women it's sooner and some women it's later. This lifestyle also isn't for everyone, but the majority have happier, healthier lives. It's what comes most natural.
John, I absolutely love your show, but I have a major problem with this episode. It is actually imperative that your spouse shares the same beliefs as you.
If I'm a true, Bible believing Christian, I'm not going to be in a relationship with somebody who is a True Believer of some other religion, just because we both believe in a "higher power". That's not going to work, and I'm kind of surprised and disappointed that you even said that. I love your show, I just wish you would stand up for your Christian values more.