Is Shame Stunting Your Relationships?
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- On today’s show, we hear about:
- A husband struggling with motivation and feelings of worthlessness
- A mother unsure of how to tell her daughter about her past drug addiction
- A woman wondering if she’s being insensitive toward her boyfriend’s kids
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John, thank you for giving it straight to Leah. Seriously. The way she laughed through a subject so serious. She totally has the wool pulled over her eyes....on purpose. For a Mom, it surprises me that she's not more empathetic to not only her kids but his. Especially if she loves him. Leah run away, focus on your own kids, and when he proves himself and actually detaches from his wife, then have a relationship. You have 3 kids, one is a baby....focus on that. Give your kids some stability, put them first.
I’m 2 1/2 minutes in, but I used to be just where that guy is - wasting time on my phone, distracting myself, procrastinating on important stuff, the whole thing. I still use my phone a lot, but now it’s more for work, or for listening to podcasts like this one, while I do other things. But what got me out of thatplace was to find purpose and meeting in my life. I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up, at the age of 42, and now I am actively working toward those goals every day. That doesn’t leave me a lot of time for mindless entertainment!
congratulations! I'll start by using my phone whilst i do things I've been putting off. Thanks for the hope and inspiration!
To the woman with kids shacking up with a married man with kids. Leah, have some self respect. Don't believe this messed up man can help you. You need to heal from your past relationship. Do this for Your kids. Heal their mom. Focus on your children!
1st guy has adhd. I completely understand him. It’s hard. He needs counseling from someone who can give him the tools to function with it. The phone & the “entertainment,” it’s from multiple dopamine drops per day, that we get from adhd. We don’t have an executive function. Don’t make it out to be something he’s being lazy about. However, there are tools out there that can help him. I hope the caller sees this comment!
My therapist who helps me with adhd asked that I listen to that first guy’s conversation. Seems to me like it’s quite a common adhd problem.
YES THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!! This is the comment I want his to read.
For the woman dating married man....I can tell you 100% her childhood was filled with abuse.
I feel so sorry for her that she is in such a sunken place that she can't see that being someone's secret is not ok.
Also....I hope she take charge of her own life and gets on birth control. She needs to get some sort of emotional stability her kids deserve stability.
I hope to God she is not letting this man around her children. ...bad people know how to spot victims and continue to victimized them and their children.
Leah sounded so mentally unstable. All the laughing was very unsettling.
The bar is on the floor for men. She's choosing this slug of a man becuase he listens to her and doesn't abuse her. Hooray.....
I love this first call! It's so relatable to so many people. It took a while to get to the root of the issue, but I am so glad that I stuck around for the whole call because it really hit home for me and what's happening in my own home and how to help fix it.
Wow, Leah has no morals or standards, and she sounds like a child. She knows she’s wrong, she just doesn’t care.
I've been waiting and searching for Taylor's call. Last month, a therapist told me I was worrying about questions that might never come. Two weeks ago, I went ahead and answered my 6yr old grandsons questions... I've been hearing, "if they're old enough to ask, they are old enough to know". I was having a difficult time dodging (or vaguely answering) the direct questions he was asking. Taylor - I'm so proud of you for beating those demons! That's a tough road but you're a tough mom! ❤ Go be an inspiration for your daughter.
Leah honey, you lose him the way you got that dirt bag... You won't be laughing anymore.
Luv it! YESS!! People over technology. Not technology over family.
John has a really tough time understanding people that choose themselves over everyone else without realizing it.
Leah … I understand feeling like you just need some one so you don’t feel alone and like you are drowning. You do have a lot on your plate.
Sister to sister… he does NOT love or respect you… at all. He does not love or respect or care about anyone but himself. He’s destroyed his family and he keeps you hidden so he can have his cake and eat it too.
I have made poor choices myself in partners in part because I felt love “starved” and if you are starving moldy crumbs from a dumpster might look good. Right now, you don’t seem able to see that he is just saying what he has to - to use you. The moldy crumbs he’s giving you is the minimum of what it takes to be able to get what he wants from you.
YOU are worth so much more!!! He talks and listens to you because that is the cost to get what he wants from you. He has ZERO respect for you …he WON’T even acknowledge you in public as his partner…. Sweetie… that is terrible.
Please walk away 💯. He is NOT worth it … and NEVER will be. He already knows he is not required to respect you in any way - ever. And even if he gets a divorce… he won’t ever. He’s just using you - he doesn’t care about you… When a man loves and respects a woman he is proud to be with her and proud to show the world he is with her.
He is lying to you Dear One. I know it’s really hard and lonely…. And the moldy crumbs seem like the best meal you’ve ever had. It’s not. He is a man willing to use a single mom of 3 kids and a new baby to satisfy his desires- in private because he doesn’t want others to see who he is with.
PLEASE 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 respect yourself and PROTECT your children! Predators have radar for women they can take advantage of and get access to children… it happens ALL THE TIME. And of course you don’t believe he’d harm your kids … that’s what they do. Get blind trust etc.
Dump him. And keep your wits about you. Protect yourself and your babies at all cost. Get some good girlfriends and heal and wait before connecting with another man. Your hands are full with your kiddos that need you 💯. ❤❤❤
Leah has no common sense. Three kids and dating a married man with kids of his own. She probably hasn’t had a very easy life. But she should do the right thing for all the people involved. Have some self-respect.
Common sense is learned when kids are raised in healthy, real-life-accurate environments so that they learn lessons that hardly require thought to figure out. It's just obvious and alligns with their DNA. While some kids adapt to that, others adapt to coping with a maladaptive environment. So I agree with you, but I'm willing to bet it's not obvious to her at all.
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240you don't learn common sense😂 Leah sounds emotionally stunted
Leah sounds like she's on drugs. No self introspection. She was the affair partner he left his marriage for. He traded down.
Great advice for first caller. Can relate.
Josway has alot of insight. Great place to start to make changes. He sounds like a good dude.
Leah wake up.
First caller...you should check into pathological demand avoidance (PDA). My ex bf has it and he sounds just like you. There's hope, there's lots of things to do to help.
This was a challenging show, hoping for the best for everyone. Praying for everyone and their movement forward.
Leah has had some terrible role models growing up. She has no clue what a healthy relationship and mutual respect look like. Her kids don't have a prayer. She needs some kind, no nonsense friends who will tell her the honest truth about her terrible choices.
Very unlikely she has friends. They would not give her the dopamine hit she needs. It's all man related plus doing something like this in addition to whatever else problems she had with previous relationships are not exactly the action of a friend that decent people want. It's understandable cause often this is the influence and perhaps connection alot of these people needed but understandably healthy people stay away from people like this. They would think nothing of sleeping with your husband unfortunately. We need to do so much more to intervene in children's lives when we can help stop the damage or at least lessen the impact and their legacy.
Wow. This is the worst Episode of John’s I’ve ever watched. It was literally painful. It was a great show as always so it is not a put down on the show. That poor woman acts like she is 13 years old. I cannot believe she has 3 children. Where in God’s name is her family in her life? This is absolutely tragic. I wonder if she was abused in her childhood as well as in her previous relationship. John should have recommended counseling for her. I am hoping next time someone hysterical calls in, John will have her take deep breaths, relax and try to calm herself before coming on. This is a perfect example of the narcissistic culture of young adults I am afraid of. Me Me Me very selfish. My dog could do a better job of raising those kids. God help us all.
John handled all three calls just fine with care, compassion and honesty.
if deadlines are problem then make your own
I hope Leah got some sense after the call, but sadly I doubt it. She can ruin her life if she wants, but it really sucks to bring kids into it (same goes for the married guy). Once you have a kid, you are second place. Your kids needs and stability are ahead of your own. You have no right to bring men around and shack up with them. Moms… you can live for a few minutes without a man. I promise.
You are so wise Doc 😊
I am taking notes
It's really sad but I do love that song
Great job with Leah, wow. Way to be straight.
I was SO RELIEVED that he was blunt with her. Next time a commenter says John’s too soft on women, someone link them to Leah’s call.
Leah sounds incredibly immature. Poor kids. Married guy sees her as a fun time away from the real world.
Leah is not worth more than this guy. She too is not a person of integrity. Let's be honest. We can feel sorry for her maybe she had bad childhood but maybe he did too. Lots of people have. Wish she reached out to someone like John years ago but even with the knowledge she is still love starved so it's not about logic.
Bruh that last girl…
Leah, snap out of it, girl! You may have been abused but you need to deal with YOU. You're the problem, sweetie. You have to heal yourself before being in a relationship. This guy does not love you, he loves sleeping with you and his wife at the same time.
So happy Taylor is doing so much better n been clean for 4 years. I would hope that ber sister n daughters fayher would not be so stupid n cruel as to say what Taylor came up with as possibilities not only because its so unnecessary and serves no benefit but it would likely hurt the daughter even more than Taylor n in time it would very likely ruin her relationship with her Dad n her aunt bc at some point she will wonder why they would have felt the need to share that with them . Im hoping this fear is more in Taylor's head than something that's actually possible. Which begs the question as to why is the sister even in the childs life if she is not an ally of the child's Mom? Perhaps Taylor during her 10 yr addiction did things that personally hurt or damaged the sister as well as just emotionally as all addicts have an impact on those around them especially those who love them n i can understand even if she needed to set a boundary while Taylor was using or even soon after as she wantrd to make sure she was serious about getting hekp but at some point forgiveness night be best path for all. That said Taylor should have likely made amends for damage that she did during her addiction ss this accountability is also important n healing for all. I find it unusual that those would be the only two things they might say about her as itd likely not the worst at all n thinking of ending a pregnancy is something many people have not only thought about but actually done n rhey weren't even addicted. I have great compassion for anyone who gets addicted as a teen still living at home n in dysfunctional family. I can still have compassion for people who do so later in life but i do admit that i have less. You go Taylor! Forgive yourself. Not only for rhe reasons John gave but also if you carry shame you will either be far too lenient in raising your daughter cause parenting out of guilt or when she does have issue with something your doing later even if she's in her twenties or thirties you will be too shame based to hear her. You may also get your emotional needs met in unhealthy ways othet than addiction like men.
I will never in my life understand how people like Leah can be so utterly clueless. What is going on inside their minds? What is at the heart of their delisuion? Im 34 and have seen it happen to people i know. You get with a liar and a cheater and you end up in the same boat being lied to and cheated on and expect your friends to boohoo with you when they told you it was a bad idea at the start. I just dont get it.
It’s not what’s going on in their minds, it’s that they’re tired of barely surviving. Ever heard of something is better than nothing? Also remember she said youngest child is 10 months, and her third child, and she’s been with her boyfriend 6 months. So she was 4 months removed from being a single mother of 3 kids.
She hasn’t had someone stay around for her and her boyfriend is not only needing a soft place to land, but he’s also providing her with someone that she believes she can take care of or won’t leave her. It’s accepting crumbs when you know you want the whole piece of bread.
Im stunted by passion
Which questions for humans cards are good for adult children and parents? I am 30 and want to use them with my parents.
Friends would probably be the best. Questions for humans is so fun and you learn so much about friends and family you otherwise wouldn’t know!
Caller #3... run for your life! I speak from personal experience but he was never married and certainly not cheating on his wife and family w/ me, so even easier than your situation.
The blended family bullshit never gets resolved, it always feels off and like you're an afterthought in your own household. Marrying him would be signing up for a lifetime of frustration and possibly misery. Love is not worth it to put up with this kind of situation. It'll hurt but you will thank yourself when the pain eases and feel renewed peace.
Also, this man has very very poor character. You are a dumb woman if you keep down this path.
Well she has 3 kids , and one 10 months. They aren’t there if they are same father or most likely not
Is a pattern
First caller - go get an assessment for ADHD. Because holy moly do you sound like me. There are so many tools available if that’s you too.
I don't like Leah at all. She doesn't respect herself, her kids, or this other mans kids.
Wow she still is ok with wrecking another family..
I think you dropped the ball on this one. My uncle waited to divorce his wife until his kids graduated even though him and his wife knew they would be getting a divorce. My uncle had another relationship and his children had an issue with her as well, but it was definitely all on the table that the divorce was coming after the kids graduated. So yes that is a definite possibility, and he may not be lying.
People don’t care what picture they paint for their children. Most people are completely unequipped to raise emotionally healthy children.
The wife ‘found out’ about Leah in her own words ‘she found out, he didn’t tell her’. Sounds like a big ol secret to me. What you’re describing is rare. Deceit lies and cheating are much more common
Yea but Waffle House waffles are fabulous
Man child
The new Jerry Springer show... I'm all into the financial advice by the group, but this show is ridiculous... Watch him show how smart he is by twirling his Batton.
Nobody is forcing you to stay. We love John, he’s amazing!
This show isn’t meant to entertain. You’re on the wrong channel for that.
You have so many options for that kind of entertainment. This comment has no purpose at all.