Is physical attraction important? (He's great but I'm not attracted to him! 🤷)
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- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
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There Has to be physical attraction... period.
@T.R 15 Stop having sex.
@T.R 15 He's not paying a damn thing, he revolts me.
@T.R 15 Men don't pay bills nowadays, women have to pay for them, they're like children.
@T.R 15 No. Men are expected to pay half, which they don't even do, they want everything free. We don't need to be having unwanted sex.
@T.R 15 By the way, no one wants these men and who cares if they did " cheat". When you don't want sex with someone, you don't care.
Love him to dealth but the physical attraction isn't there for me.... He's in love with me but I can't force physical attraction. Makes me sad.
Don't be it's not meant to be physicall attraction is important
You gotta start loving yourself enough to be happy stop pity dating trying to love someone else
@@Bmoregaydude That's uncalled for and rude...I for one love myself. Don't act like you know me.
Same here. The guy I'm dating with is great, never met someone so toxic- free like him but no physical attraction, I try so hard but I'm just lying to myself while he keeps convincing me of how great he is physically. We never slept together yet, just told him "wajting for the right moment".
Hows ur situation now? Are u guys still together?
@@Layla-hg4ux No longer friends because he became too aggressive and pushing for a physical relationship....Seen his true colors, no time for the BS. Best of luck to you. 🙂
women are trained to date nice guys even if they aren't attracted to them, damn, we need to have some romance and attraction too
Yes and yes!!! He’s good on paper but there’s no spark 😩
He is exactly spot on here.... I know because i have lived it. This exact situation. Great guy, lots of wonderful, endearing qualities, good companion/emotionally strong....but big lack of that "lovership" he talks about. I married quite young and was very sheltered/had little dating experience prior. I didn't place much emphasis at all on the romantic aspect of a relationship...for me, it was more about being with someone i could trust..someone emotionally stable at that time.
And yes....in most cases (mine also), it can and will most likely lead to issues down the road. You will very likely seek out the attraction/lover aspect elsewhere. Not saying it's right or condoning it at all. I have (and still continue to) face a lot guilt. I just want to point out that some attraction/physical/sexual chemistry is essential in the beginning, else you're building a relationship on a very shaky foundation. If you don't enjoy being intimate/find ways to avoid it/don't feel the desire to be, pay close attention to that. I wish i had....
Thank you for being brave enough to share this
I feel like im gonna be rejected because im ace and i feel no sexual feelings
Same story here except I’m not married to him but I value his morals, character and dependability and I feel he would make a good father. So now we have a child together but I haven’t had sex or done anything sexual with him for over a year! I don’t want to break his heart but I do feel stuck now.
Wow. I always envied those who married young and despite people in my surroundings complimenting my looks I just never got the chance to find someone that I liked. I am a gay man btw and not that open about it so I’m very shy to approach the guys I do like. It’s always the guys that I don’t find attractive that hit on me a lot but I stand my ground and reject them as kindly as possible. I always told myself what’s the point of dating a guy I don’t find physically attractive because the whole point of accepting myself as gay meant I realized I had no physical attraction towards women which is why I don’t date them in the first place but that doesn’t mean I find all men attractive. Sometimes it’s just better to embrace being single if there is no one at the moment that really fits the bill. We really need to empower ourselves and not be afraid of societal pressures and make our own independent decisions while looking at the positives with our current circumstances. It wasn’t until earlier this year that I realized there is actually a lot of benefits to being single since being in a serious relationship requires a lot of sacrifices and compromises to make it work. Without a romantic partner I can do whatever I want that might not be acceptable once I’m in a serious relationship. Therefore I promised myself never to be in a relationship unless I independently feel and think this person fits the bill!
@@jon6309 all so very true! I feel like so many of us grew up with the mindset of centering men/women and relationships. It’s taking me quite some time to unlearn that conditioning! And it’s the best thing anyone can do for themselves in order to (maybe someday) attract the RIGHT person.
I have had this happen several times. I meet a lovely man who is respectful, kind, intelligent, considerate, caring and fun, yet the thought of being with him sexually repulses me. Meanwhile the inconsiderate, masculine men are very attractive but they make terrible unreliable partners. Twice I've tried to have relationships with men I wasn't attracted to due to their personality and it just doesn't work, my attraction for them lessened. So I've learnt to stick to being friends when this happens because it's not fair on either party to try to force attraction.
I hear you.
So with you😅😅
I had to confess to my good friend that I wasn't attracted to her I felt really bad, but I had to confess because I didn't want to end up miserable whatever you do, please do not settle or be in a relationship it's not worth it you will end up miserable
I have not seen this girl in almost 10 years and we have been messaging each other for a few days now, she engaged first. I really have enjoyed the conversation, it seems we have everything in common. I am going to meet her in person tomorrow but I, graduated same year, dont feel the physical attraction. I want it to be there because so far she is perfect for me and I am having a terrible conflict with myself at the moment. I dont want to waste her time bolstering her efforts....I am going to tell her how I feel soon.
To late
same here bro...
In my case in my wife. I love her whole heartedly but the physical attraction is a bit blessed.
OF COURSE, it is ESSENTIAL for a real, intimate relationship, Jack, UNLESS you "take him/her as a PILL agnst POVERTY"! Lots of love, 💗💚💛🦋
It's important for men to be physically attracted to the woman, and for the woman to be physically attracted to the man
no
100 agree
This poses a problem for women because most men aren't attractive.
@@lizb4156 I totally agree!! I don't know what country you're in but American men have really let themselves go compared to men in Europe and Asia in my opinion.
Say that again! This whole idea of women not caring about physical attraction as much as men or that we need to overlook this component if the man is a good man. Why is this?? I don’t agree 😂
Sometimes we look at the person with this image in our minds whom we think we would fall in love. Then we get surprised with whom we really fall in love
Sometimes a man who isn't physically attractive has the nicest greatest personality, which actually makes him more attractive.
Yea… it’s not fun lol 😂
I get confused
@@yeswing10 It doesn't though.
@@yeswing10 They appear more attractive in many ways but when it comes to sex, it’s still not fulfilling. It’s better to be honest and not waste anyone’s time.
@@reyr.7439 yeah exactly, how does one become MORE attractive lol? He probably looks the same on date 10 as he looked on date 1, so what becomes more attractive? He way he loads his fork before taking a bite i dunno😂😂
I think you put that so clearly - thank you 🙏
I'm a widow, but I'll tell you right off the bat. If there's no sexual chemistry, I just can't do it. Physical intimacy is a very important part of my relationship. It would not be fair to him and it would not be fair to me. He would deserve a woman who will love him completely. And if I can't give him that love. I don't think it's right
People keep saying LOVE and Attraction is bs in marriage but, I honestly believe without those two ….it’s impossible to stay long in the US & other western countries…I’m 30 years old man(single) & I can’t imagine spending my life with someone that im not in love with or not attracted to her …it’s just impossible…
I noticed couple things….a lot of people who r married without love or attraction….they basically r partners and,most of the time …they sleep with anyone ….as they get older, they start getting bored even get bored to talk to each other and, they be sleeping in different rooms ….it’s hell to live like ….I hope I don’t end up like that …please people, don’t marry someone if ur not in love with them or find them attractive….u will break up or go full fight in less than 3-5 years …..I know so many stories….I remember all my female college professors used to flirt with me and,other Students (some of them sleep with these men because, they’re unhappy in their houses…many of them have kids,nice house& good income but, like I said ….they feel empty inside) ….Love and Attraction r important
Who the hell is saying love and attraction ARE NOT important that is blatant bullshit right there, yes you’re right man it’s very important
@@arnoldd9664 I noticed many folks advising others(over 30) just to settle anyone as long as they get what they want ….
It's happening to me right now, i am in forced marriage, I even not talk to him frankly before marriage, I was not attracted to him , not love him , he is very good man but still I can't feel that connection with him , I'm stucked in this marriage, my parents not allowed me to break this marriage bcz of their reputation, I'm sad , frustrated , i don't know what to do but I am not happy with him 😢
If you say looks does not mattter AT ALL then you are not being honest. There are of course the rare case of that very very small percentage of individuals who are attracted to people solely on their personality. But truth be told, physical attraction plays a part in dating someone. It can be the smile, eyes, posture, or the way the person dresses themselves.
Absolutely agree
Wow Jack, I love this balanced perspective!! I have been married for 25 years. Started out attracted enough, but have lost it over the years due to very large health problems on his side. I soo wish I had some attraction! But sheer attraction without character and commitment isn’t great either. I do think a balance in this is very key!!
Yes, I hear you that attraction alone isn't going to cut it. And...hope you can re-find some!
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I had men who I wasn’t attracted too who had bad personalities so now I want physical attraction with good morals xx
Sounds like clarity
finally somebody points out that men we don't find attractive can also have bad personalities. Most of the time the ugly ones are always portrayed as saints who will never hurt us lol.
Every time I had that situation and went on dating that person they turned out to be really bad covert narcissists but you only would find that out about them if you get close enough i.e. as an intimate partner
The best relationship I've ever had was with someone I was not physically attracted to for quite some time. Once the attraction hit, it was on fire! 🔥
How did the attraction grow??I dated 2 people that I wasn't attracted to and It didn't work out for me...I couldn't
Sometimes we look at the person with this image in our minds whom we think we would fall in love. Then we get surprised with whom we really fall in love
@@geniedoll3822 They were not pushy. They became a good & trusted friend.
@@goodintentions1302 appreciate your response xx
I have had similar experience with that. I always try to remain open to make sure I don't make a judgment to quickly. On the opposite spectrum I have been attracted to someone and got to know them and I was so uninterested.
I am having this conflict rn, i met the nicest woman ever, we connect on so many levels i could have never thought of, i have only known her for 2 months but she feels me and i feel her like no one we ever met in our entire lifes, sometimes it's actualy scary up to the point where we just finish eacht others sentences, she's clearly head over heals attracted on all levels, but for me, i just don't feel any physical attraction atm .. ive suggested to keep on dating just to see if there's this spark, either way i want her in my life because finding someone who gets you on this level is so rare to come by in this world we live in today, but i am just so confused by why i am not physicaly attracted, we both suggested on the next date to see what would happen if we really started making out, if it would become akward or not, somewhere i hope to find that spark that sets all the love in motion because she has such a beautiful soul
Sometimes the body can know things the mind can’t. Attraction isn’t usually rational. Hope you can find the authentic way forward. I imagine most true friendships can recover from a failed make out attempt
Setting yourself and her for total failure
hey bro...SAME thing is happening to me right now!!!SAME...how did it turned out between you two?
@@roxyfox9384 you think so? happened to you?
@@blazkapusin9810 it never worked out and now that we're a year later ive found my soulmate and we have moved in together a couple of weeks back and all i can say is: true love finds a place to settle, not a place where it feels in doubt
Physical attraction rules the day. Everything else is secondary.
I see it more like a pre-requisite (given it can often be a poor predictor of compatibility)
@@thejackbutler compatibility alone is a poor indicator of lasting satisfation. Because we are all shallow on some level, we wanna like what we see naked lol
I think physically attractive to someone is an important thing in a relationship cuaee if you want to date someone without any sexually attraction so he/she is just a friend and sooner or later your gonna have problem in that relationship. But if i was a 70 years old lady that was alone i wouldn't think of looks that much cuase i had that when i was younger and sex doesn't really matter in that age i guess
If i stay with someone that i am not attracted to it gives an old lady feeling
This is my biggest frustration to deal with. I relate to a lot of the comments here. Finding someone who checks the boxes but I can't find myself being intimate with them, no matter how hard I try (and it's best not to force it and run into heartbreak later). Every advice out there about love and choosing long term partners just boil down to me feeling immensely guilty because there's that single element missing. Then I doubt whether I'll ever love anyone because my head and heart don't align
Are you attracted to some people who don’t check all the boxes? Sometimes it can be good to put the checklist down and see if anything else life is trying to bring you or teach you
I'm dating a very attractive woman and things started off so good for both of us.
I never had that "falling in love" feeling which was something I had hoped for mainly because I've followed those feelings in the past and it always turned out disastrous.
I adore this woman, her personality, values, common interests, and she's definitely attractive.
I've experienced some extremely difficult things since we met, mainly the loss of my adult son. I feel like I've accepted it though so I'm not exactly sure why but things aren't happening physically between us.
Shes feeling like I'm not attracted to her and I completely understand why.
It seems to me that I've gotten way too into my head, I really want this relationship to work out and I think it's what's messing with me.
It's almost as if everything got turned around backwards and we have this great relationship except for the physical part.
I don't know what to do but I wish I could just relax and have fun. Instead I now have guilt on top of performance anxiety.
We had a really good talk last week about everything and that did help, I'm hoping more communication will pull me out of this.
You got this man.
Performance anxiety is a bitch
How did it go mate? I had the same issues and a psycoteraphy helped me a lot, it empted my mind and I'm now I can see all clear :)
This was important for me, thanks.
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Sorry jack miss this one but still great to watch ❤️
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So I started seeing this guy that I was definitely my type, and I also really like his personality and think we are a great match. The way things work in our culture you “date” to marry. It’s not really dating you’re basically seeing if you’re a good match and there’s no sex before marrying so the emphasis is to build a friendship and slowly moving into a romantic direction. This is what we’ve been doing and the only problem is that we’re long distance because of circumstances but we do make time to see each other every few months and spend a couple of days together. In short, we really like each other and basically agreed that we’ll marry but just need more time to build our connection. I’m demisexual so I know that my attraction will build as we get closer given that he is already my type but the problem is that he doesn’t look the way he presented himself as anymore and I’m definitely not attracted to this version of him. I’m not sure if this is how he actually is or if it’s just a phase since we don’t see each other that often and I’m worried that if this is how he actually is then I might no longer have the foundation to build up my attraction anymore. My issue is that he doesn’t really take care of his appearance. His hair and beard are always looking crazy and he wears unflattering clothes with holes in them and generally just looks rough, on top of gaining some weight. He’s always clean so it’s not a hygiene thing. I’m not sure what to do because I don’t wanna change him and I don’t want to offend him either by telling him to put in more effort. I was into him before so I know that he could go back to looking like that but like I said, maybe he was putting his best foot forward at the beginning and now has gotten comfortable. I’m not sure but I feel uneasy about marrying him now but I also feel shallow since I like everything else about him. Any advice?
I would address it with him bringing maximum curiosity. Bluntly, I don’t think you can partner with anyone and not at times offend them. Most women are impacted when a guy ‘lets himself go’ physically. Now sometimes it’s stress, or work, chronic illness. And sometimes it’s that a guy is gonna be that way so before you get more committed think it’s fair to know how he thinks about taking care of himself. Often, some guys will never prioritize appearance that much (and there may be upsides to this) but may be open to your input, like getting more haircuts scheduled etc
It seems to me that the individual must be a able to trust in the consistent truth telling of the other individual before Re-considering what importance of weight you want to give their appearance apart from good self-care or good hygiene.
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My boyfriend is a pathological liar and has no hygiene at all and I'm not attracted to him. His breath smells from 5 metres away and he drools mouth infection over his bed and clothes. He shits himself and all over the toilet. He wiped shit off the toilet with my shower puff and put it back in the shower full of shit. His penis stank of prawns from far away, till I finally told him. His feet stank. He doesn't try to sort his mouth out. I'm not attracted to him, even if he was clean.
Attraction fades over time anyway, so no I don't think you need it. If you want to get married, you have think to yourself what's important. The values and things in common are what you build your life on. There may be many love stories in your life but not many life stories. I want a life story.
You definitely do need it. Wether it fades or not. Be real. Only delusional desperate people think you don't need it.
I totally agree with you that having the same value and goal in life are important. but if they want to have sex and I don't want to do it at all in early dating, should I force myself? Even kissing make me feel very uncomfortable, only when I have alcohol then I can do it. He's an extremely nice guy, caring, generous, communicative and successful. I just fell horrible for keep rejecting his need.
@@tamtrac2926 I'm not sure, because all I know is that when you get older your list of what is important changes. I can tolerate mediocre sex and sexual attraction for loyalty, kindness and consistency.
@@thecalmingspace7242 Short-term I could but in the long-term as Jack said, I would look else around, look for it in other places... I wouldn't want it to get to that point. It could turn out to be cheating.
Look at Prince Charles. He wasn't attracted to Princess Di. He was attracted to his level... trash!
It makes it hard when you are not attracted to your partner but then when someone thats attractive hits on you makes it difficult. But compromise based off of what others say. If height and weight is an issue but you over look it then it will become even more of a problem down the road.
Curious if you have found a minimum attraction is necessary to partner someone?
@@thejackbutler yes I feel like there should be minimum attraction but some we overlook are things like him being shorter than me is a big thing gaining a little weight is also ok if there is also physical activity. A non active guy for me is not attractive. I guess this is a little shallow.
I also feel the attractive level should be around the same. Like if I'm an 8 I would hope he would also be around that. Things I should have thought about.
@@michellegirau8136 That makes sense. A minimum level of mutual attraction. I also think 8s sometimes are more likely to progress than 10s
@@michellegirau8136 Shallow or otherwise, I think we do best to be authentic to what’s coming up for us, even if we can then work thru it, take a different perspective etc
Jack, did your accent change from one video to the next?? Seems more posh in the second one (and I like it!)
Maybe! I think when I am actively thinking more for my words, I can become more English!
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I think it’s very odd how society has made it a point that good friendship can be mixed with sexuality. Although it is ideal to have a sexual partner that also has the qualities of a good friend that doesn’t necessarily mean all good friends qualifies to be our sexual partners who can fulfill us physically. Same for other type of relationships, for instance professionally I know many people who are liked for their personalities but have very poor work ethic or does not have the right skill sets for the job and therefore end up not good for the employer or company despite having an awesome personality. Since most romantic relationships require intimacy and sex then I do feel there needs to be physical attraction to make that happen. If it doesn’t exist then there is really no point in have sex with that person in the first place, if a person is nice and has all these great qualities but lacks the physical attributes to turn you on then I would just stick to the friend zone and just maintain a friendship with that person. There is no need to add sex into the mix when it’s not even called for. People need to start making their own independent choices on what they want from a romantic partner and cannot rely on societal pressure or influences from other people’s opinions. At the end of the day it’s you who will be sleeping with the person and not the preacher who is guilting you to be with a person you don’t find attractive and I bet you most of those preachers wouldn’t consider sleeping with that person as well!
I love my partner but I’m not physically attracted to him . What can I do ? Please someone help
Probably need to break up :/ what happened since you posted your comment?
You guys should break up
Can a woman think you’re nice looking but not be physically attracted to you?
I think that’s possible but maybe less common
Yes I can say it’s very possible