How Important Is Physical Attraction (In Dating)?
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- čas přidán 9. 07. 2024
- How important is physical attractiveness in your relationship? Everyone finds certain features about the opposite sex particularly attractive, but how important are those features in discerning a relationship with someone? How do you know when you're placing too much emphasis on physical beauty in your dating decisions?
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In my experience, once you start to consider a relationship with someone, they start to seem more attractive...I know that's how it's gone with me.
For me too specially if I like their personality and qualities
I agree
People are confusing Physical Attraction with how Physically Attractive or Beautiful or Handsome someone is. Being Physically Attracted to someone may or may not have anything to do with how Attractive that person is. A person might be Physically Attracted to someone who is not Physically Attractive by society's standards nor even in the eyes of the beholder. Physical Attraction transcends the visual
This sounds unnecessarily convoluted. Physical attraction is physical full stop. I like what I see - your face and your body - or I dont like what I see - possibly a dad bod or shorter than me or both. It doesnt matter what others think about said person but if I dont like what I behold, then there is no physical attraction. Simple.
"I would argue that it is not only normal but also necessary to feel strong attraction to your partner, especially as you consider marriage. I have watched solid Catholic marriages fall apart because neither of the people in the union ever really desired each other physically before they were married, but they both hoped the desire would grow with time. They based their decision to marry entirely on mutual interests and a strong devotion to God and the Catholic faith. What happened in their case was that each of them settled solely for compatibility in their relationship rather than equal parts compatibility AND chemistry, and the result was disastrous to their marriage."
- Lindsey Todd
(From Chastity Project)
That happened to me .
When considering the question "How important is physical attraction in dating?" It's important to figure out what kind of attraction you're talking about. The split attraction model talks about different kinds of attraction: Aesthetic, platonic, sensual, sexual, romantic and so on. A lot of people mix up aesthetic and sexual attraction, but they're two different things. And it's important to consider how much you value each kind of attraction in a long-term partnered relationship. Perhaps you need to have a strong platonic attraction to a partner, but aesthetic attraction is lower on your list. Or perhaps it's important to you that you're sexually attracted to the person you eventually want to marry. Whatever the case is, I believe God knows what we want to find in a spouse, and will often honour that desire.
Whatever the case is, I believe God knows what we want to find in a spouse, and will often honour that desire.
Man, I really REALLY hope your words come true, fingers crossed
Thank you for this video. The person asking the question is just like me in his thinking of God and you answered it with so much compassion and passion. When you said you love when someone is so honest, that touched me. When you said that God is a lover and a father, I felt so much hope and awe and love for God.
I am 78 years old
I was /am homely. Sorry for time l bowed down to the good looking people.
I do activities in an assisted living facility.
Age is an equalizer. Picture things like incontinence underwear, baldness, extended gut when you want the beauty rush...Look for someone who has their head screwed on straight and wants heaven for you.
You can learn to be contented with someone who is +/- 1 from you on the beauty/desirability scale. If you are a 7/10 on the beauty scale (be honest with yourself), you can be contented with a 6/10 partner. You probably won’t be contented with a 5/10 partner.
I was once married to a 9/10. She was a model, actress and very intelligent as well. I was on cloud 9 and head over heels in love because of our physical attraction to each other. But because of her beauty since young, she was arrogant and wild. She had a lot of bad experiences with guys and developed lots of traumas. I thought that my love would change her. Her beauty blinded me to her character flaws and red flags. Our marriage ended after 7 months. If beauty could sustain a relationship, celebrities would have the longest lasting marriages.
there are so many average looking people in relationships and they can still be assholes. It's not just the model looking ones.
The number 7 always seems to come up with stories like yours. I have a very similar story, got married on 7/7/07, divorced exactly 7 years later. I don't believe in coincidences, there is a much deeper meaning for this, I'm told its hidden in the bible
I love your videos!!! Keep doing them! I'm in my 40th year of marriage, and have many friends who are at the discerning marriage season. Your videos are helping me with good probing questions for them, when they ask my advice. 🦋
This is a difficult question for a woman to answer because we are fundamentally different in this regard. The way men are attracted is different, and it is literally impossible for us to step in the other's shoes. That being said, I think Elizabeth did a great job with her answer. If I could only add a little clarity and get straight to the point - no, as a man, do not date someone you aren't physically attracted to. God would never call you into a relationship with someone you're not attracted to - that is not how marriage works.
Thanks for your point! Makes things clear and uncomplicated!
Hi, Nick!
I deeply sympathize with your position. However, I would like to disagree, because I do not think physical beauty is a requirement for true love. If this is true, blind people are not capable to perform true love, or even having a great marriage. Also, if your spouse lost her physical attractiveness because of an accident, I do not think you would love her less, right? If so, then physical beauty should not affect your love towards someone else.
Physical beauty is a good thing, but it shouldn't be used as a requirement to love someone.
Thanks for reading! Have a very blessed day, Nick !😁
@@raymk Hi Ray, I basically agree with you, as there are seemingly always exceptions to the rule, but I think you likewise would agree it is the general rule and applicable to the vast majority of people, especially men. I think it's also worth pointing out that we are not talking about, let's say, philo or agape, but eros - that kind of sexual longing. Of course eros is a part of a romantic relationship, of a marriage! In regard's to the question posed by the viewer in the video, God is not calling him to a relationship with someone he is unattracted to. To say otherwise is horrible, horrible advice to give to a young man. Like Elizabeth mentioned, you can take that "checklist" waaaaay to far, that would be without a doubt a problem, but eros is a good thing :) God bless you too!
@@raymk you may not think physical beauty is a requirement for true love but others do, it's an absolutely important component for creating attraction and sustaining it and their happiness depends on it.
Let me ask you this:
If someone said to you, "I like you for your personality but I don't like the way you look, but since I also believe physical beauty is not essential for a happy relationship, I'm still gonna date you nonetheless."
Would you still wanna date this person?
@@Dancediva240 As a not-so handsome person, I would answer, "Yes".
There's a more difficult, more personal question to challenge my point, that is:
"Let's say there's a girl who is very beautiful, and there's another who is ugly. If both have a very similar personality, would you treat them the same?"
Honestly, as an inconsistent, fallen human being, I wouldn't be able to treat them the same. Just like others, I'm attracted to beauty. However, treating them unequally is unjust and wrong. Maybe I couldn't treat them equally, but I should.
Again, just like in my previous reply, you don't want your beloved to suddenly love you less because you get an accident that wrecks your face, right? As human beings, they may love you less, but the perfect love is the love that can see through the physical boundaries, and touch our true beauty as the image of God.
I don't want to be loved less because I'm not beautiful, and I believe you have the same hope as well. Unless, you don't mind people treating you unjustly because you look weird somehow.
God bless! And Merry Christmas ✨🙏
For men physical attraction is very important, let's face it, it is in their nature.
I think that phisical attraction is a factor with some importance, but if it is the highest priority, then maybe there is something deeply wrong. Unless you die young, the person that you marry will get older, if they are female she may be become pregnant, and pregnancy and breastfeeding changes most womens bodies. The person may become sick or injured in a way that changes their body. So having phisical beauty as the highest priority is irrational as a Catholic Christian because we can not divorce our spouse when we stop being attracted. I think that many people who prioritise beauty use beauty as a self asteam booster and a status symbol to show sovioty their worth. I think you should never settle, but instead with spiritual guidance go within and really consider these issues.
Thank you for speaking on such an important topic. I definitely needed the reminder that God IS Beauty, which is why I'm drawn to and desire beauty in the first place, and that that desire is good because it draws me closer to Him. Deo gratias
Thankyou for answering the hard questions!!
Thanks for the help with my homework
You are so fun to watch
So this is what this amazing speaker looks like! Elizabeth, you have inspired me so much in my own journey to studying and finishing my MFT program, particularly with discerning into a possible pre-dating counseling specialization and awakening an interest in me for JPII’s work! Thank you so much for your podcast Discerning Marriage and thank you for this youtube video. It had great timing :)
hi, your comment also portrays how i feel, im starting to dig into jp2 s work and hopefully ill start an instagram page that talks about dating and chastity
@@Me_a_documentary such a great idea! Keep going with it, it’s so needed right now. ❤️🙏🏼
Beautifully answered. Thank you.
This is sooo helpful thank you! I think because of the rest of the world it's so easy to be lustful about physical appearance these days, rather than getting to know someone and ending up being attracted to them because you love them
This was an absolutely beautiful video! Gave me an entire new perspective! Thank you! Definitely a must subscribe channel!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for sharing!
2:59 "God is never going to ask you to do something that is fundamentally different than the desires of your heart." Respectfully, this is extremely dangerous, worldly thinking that will lead those who abide by it further away from God, not closer to Him. Scripture could not be more clear or insistent about the need for us to follow His will rather than our own- which obviously wouldn't be necessary if God was content with letting us follow our heart's desires.
The world likes to tell us "Indulge yourself, pick up whatever you want, and follow your heart." Jesus says "Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Me." - Matthew 16:24.
There would be no need for Him to tell us to deny ourselves if He was OK with letting us follow the desires of our heart. Separately, He tells us to pick up our cross- which is an incredibly clear example of Him asking us to do something that is indeed fundamentally different than the desires of our heart. Who, of their volition, wants to pick up a cross? Even Jesus Himself, when He was in the garden of Gethsemane, asked the Father for a way to avoid having to go to the cross (Matthew 26:19)- yet He, like we are supposed to do today, submitted Himself to the Father's will and not His own ("Not My will, but Your will be done.") If Jesus Christ, the son of living God, couldn't trust His own will/desires but had to submit Himself to the Father's will by doing something that was indeed fundamentally different than the desires of His own heart, how much less should we trust ours?
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways SUBMIT to Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6. Why would I have to submit to His ways if God wants me to follow my own ways instead?
"The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?"- Jeremiah 17:9. God clearly says we should not trust our hearts, as they're deceitful. They lie to us. Which is we need to trust Him, not ourselves.
"For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even as I weep, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose GOD is their APPETITE, and whose glory is in their shame, who have their minds on earthly things." - Philippians 3:18-19. Scripture says that those who let their appetite (i.e. their desires) serve as their God are enemies of the cross of Christ. That is incredibly strong language.
Lastly, the Scripture (Psalm 37:14) used in the video to support this line of thinking is being substantially misunderstood. If we delight ourselves in God, which of necessity means transforming our desires to desire Him more than anything else, He will indeed give us the desires of our heart (i.e. more of Him). It is not saying that if we follow God He will fulfill all of our worldly desires. God is NOT a means to an end. God is the means AND the ultimate end. We pursue God to have more of God- not more of what He can give us. If I pursue God to have more of what He can give me- then He's not really the God in my life, He's just someone I use to get what I really want. Yes, God absolutely wants us to be overflowing with joy- but ultimate happiness is found in loving and following Him, not in pursuing our own dreams or desires.
I don't think I can really have sex with someone I ain't attracted physically as a Catholic man. Maybe if there is chemistry with the women and she might not be that physically attractive I'm open to it. But I just don't see it.
I'm glad that he asked because I have the same exact fear and question.
If life on earth is just "tryouts" for the team in heaven.. (a place we will spend much more time at than here) .. I believe marrying someone for their Soul is more important than finding someone who "looks hot" on the outside. Good looks fade away as we age, but the soul stays the same.
So thanks for your response. I had the exact same question as whoever asked you for a long time, and I have arrived at the answer. It is of course important to love the whole person, and the body is included in the whole person. If my girlfriend said to me, when I first saw you, I didn’t find you very attractive, but then your personality grew on me, and now I find you more attractive, I wouldn’t feel like that was genuine. Because in my experience, I have always been told that, and tried it with girls who I did not find attractive, and even though they were very sweet, I never felt the same desire for them as someone beautiful, their presence was just not as serene to me. If my girlfriend thought I was not her type physically, but I’m a good fit for her, I would think, wouldn’t you be happier with someone who you do feel is beautiful and also right for you? Why should she sacrifice the bliss of intimacy with someone you find beautiful, but we do all the time because we look at ourselves and figure we can’t do any better. So often people lie to their partners and tell them they are more attractive than they really think they are. Which I could never do. I have never desired to sleep around, or excuse a woman’s wrongs just because she is beautiful, or value beautiful people more than others, but to me, the truth is that physical beauty is absolutely a requirement of real love. In order to celebrate sex in the marriage union as God intended, I think the pair must truly find each other beautiful, or they will not experience the strongest bond in the sexual union.
You're mixing up platonic attraction, aesthetic attraction, and sexual attraction. Platonic attraction is being attracted to someone's personality. Aesthetic attraction is about beauty. And sexual attraction is different than finding someone beautiful or handsome. It seems like you strongly value feeling aesthetically and sexually attracted to a woman in order to pursue a long-term relationship, and that's totally fine. Other people don't necessarily value those things, or value them as strongly for marriage. What's important is that you and your spouse know and accomodate each others values.
Hello, Mike!!!
I would like to disagree with you. I deeply sympathize with your position, and honestly, I and many people feel like you do. However, I do not think your statement about real love is true. You wrote, "...the truth is that physical beauty is absolutely a requirement of real love"
If this is true, then blind people are not capable to perform real love.
You also wrote, "wouldn’t you be happier with someone who you do feel is beautiful and also right for you?".
The problem is, you always can find someone who's more beautiful than your spouse. Does that mean you cannot love your spouse wholeheartedly because your spouse is not the most beautiful person you can find?
Just like Lyndall has said in the other comment, I think it's a good idea to also consider the other types of beauty, and give physically unattractive people a chance, or else, we might just make a standard which exclude many people from having a very beautiful marriage.
---
Have a very blessed day, Mike! 💖
@@raymk that was a very thoughtful and eloquent reply. Thank you very much. I have thought about those things a lot! I honestly don’t know if blind people get to experience the same kind of love although I’m sure God allows them to in ways you and I can’t understand. God is just. And it may be true that for most people, they will eventually find someone they find more beautiful than your spouse, but I wasn’t suggesting they had to be the MOST beautiful, just beautiful in your eyes to begin with. And maybe this isn’t the case for everyone, but just like the lady in the video said: “God would never call you to marry someone you are not attracted to!” It was a concern for this man, the people who are not so worried about (as you’re describing I think) may have a different experience, but the video was in reply to this man who was honesylt wondering if to do the right thing, might he have to marry a woman because she checks all the boxes but is not attractive (and that’s why I watched this in the first place because I was curious to see what the response was, because I used ti wonder the same thing!) and she reassured him he does not have to marry someone he is not attracted to. So no doubt the character of the person is what will matter most, but I know for the guy who asked this question and myself, the right thing for us to do is just stay single until we find someone we truly admire and respect and love, not just someone who is good enough to keep you company in the meantime.
"If my girlfriend said to me, when I first saw you, I didn’t find you very attractive, but then your personality grew on me, and now I find you more attractive, I wouldn’t feel like that was genuine."
This is the perspective from a male standpoint that is often overlooked and you pointed it out so thank you!!
Women are always told give the guy a chance, the attraction might grow bla bla bla, but ppl dont realise how a man would feel if he were privy to this thought process when a woman was dating him. My God, the effect that knowledge has on the heart and ego..it's cruel!
I wanna do right by the man I love. I wanna genuinely desire him and give him my love and devotion because he loves me too and cares. Not just find some kind soul with a big heart and sit like a queen and take and take and take, but inwardly not really like the prospect of screwing him lol. That's just wrong!!
I didn't find that fisically attractive my boyfriend the firsts times I saw him, and yet, I was really interested in him for other reasons. I met him in a chorus, and I knew pretty earlier that he played the piano. He seemed to love music and so were I. I also noticed that he was sensitive and polite at the distance. If I have to be extremely sincere, I didn't like that much some of his features at the begining, but I really liked those other things I said. Thanks God I followed my heart. When I get to really know him, I realized how much we had in common and what a beautiful heart he has. I would not say that I now find every part of him absolutely beautiful, but I can garantee you that the things that I kinda "disliked" then now I find cute. For example I tend to like other kinds of noses more, but now I really like the shape of his nose; it's so unique, so peculiar, so him. Same with other features. Superficialy I like big eyes more, but the way he sees me, the look of love he gave me, is more beautiful to me than any other. The way he kisses me so kindly... ugh don't get me started, I want to be one with him but it'sssss notttttt the timeeeeeeeeeeee.
I'm not saying that everyone has to have my experience or my way to see things. What I say is that every person can have different ways to interact with beauty. I find more beauty, I'm more atracted to the beauty of the character, when I get to know the person. Just because you wouldn't feel a woman saying you "I didn’t find you very attractive, but then your personality grew on me, and now I find you more attractive" as sincere, doesn't mean she wouldn't be it anyway. I understand that you would feel that way because if you said that to someone you wouldn't be sincere, but again, your way is not the only one, and that's awesome you know :)? We have so much to learn from each others differences!!!
I wouldn't say THAT to my boyfriend though, cause to me it's not that important. What is important is that, in one way or another, I found him attractive and that now I absolutely love him. He's my treasure
Long story short it’s important for woman and very important for men.
I have a question that I'd like a video on. Do I need to become a patron to ask it?
You are so joyful. Your smile is contagious-thank you for being an instrument for Jesus :)
thank you 😊
Very it has to be there at the beginning, example the butterflies. I was dating this amazing person but I discerned he wasn't for me. I didn't feel the same but he had amazing qualities that I was looking for. I ended up breaking up and now he is happy with someone else ❤ I still don't know why I wasn't meant to be with him but I hope I can meet my future husband soon. This man had an amazing personality, character & same values as me, educated, funny, kind.
I'm almost 30 and would love to just be with my best friend and go on a bunch of dates and get to know each other. Praying for all those singles struggling 🙏❤
i will give you something to think about: maybe your discernment was off. you need spiritual maturity for relationship, and people who break it off for no apparent reason (apparent reason would be abuse, etc), lack of it. if you were holy, your discernment would be proper. but you are not. there is no such thing as "meant to be together". if you can accept faults of others, and understand that you are full of faults yourself, maybe you will become humble. i wish for you to understand this, before it is too late. and you should understand it, as you are a woman. take care sister
@@martinsweda I see what you're saying but I didn't feel peace about it. Something was missing😥 💔
That's mean to say I'm not holy. I was trying to be and not be selfish and yes I did grow and learn a lot
By meant to be I mean there is one person that God created for me to be with *that's what I mean that person wasn't for me to be with.
We are always meant to be humble and striving to grow holier
I don't understand why do you perceive me as not humble or holy?😥 I tried to do the right thing 😥 We dated for several months and I rarely date/court so it was a huge thing for me. I decided he was a good person and we had a lot of the same values so he asked me out on dates and I took a chance and went on them
@@martinsweda you sure have a way with words don’t you?
That was brutal.
Are you even in a relationship yourself?
One of the worst character flaws of the last 13 years that my wife has helped me realize about myself is that I presume too much, and I need to hold back and wait for a second thought before I proceed with my original thought...
Your comment is one of the most presumptuous comments regarding another’s personal life I’ve ever read, and just as you felt it was the right thing to tell this woman her faults (based on your perception of knowing her well enough from one comment), so I’m telling you yours - based on years of my personal practice as a professional in the field of presumption...
EVEN IF THE PRESUMPTION IS TRUE (which in this case I doubt), your approach to the issue, brutal.
@@Prohortico im glad your wife helped you become a better man. frankly, i didnt mean to offend anyone. so, sorry, if i offended you.
if you re-read what i wrote, you would actually see, that my only presumption was, that she is not holy. since most people are not, i think it is a presumption one can have or no? also, if you actually read what i wrote, you would see, that i give her something to think about that is all. i dont know her nor the situation, so im not making any presumptions. as a matter of fact, your the only one with a presumption here no? ;)
jesus says the truth will set you free.
@@nicoleyoshihara4011 hello nicole :) sorry if i was too harsh on you. just wanted to give you some food for thought ;) obviously, i dont know you. if you want to talk about it, id be glad to share u my mail. take care!
Thank you.
This is a question that I've been thinking a lot about myself. I've only ever gone on one date, and it went well. Our personalities were surprisingly similar, but we also decided that we're probably just better off as friends. It wasn't like I wasn't attracted to her either. I was at least a little bit. Maybe I wished I was more attracted to her, but I'm not sure. Point is, I felt kinda bad that it didn't go as far, and I felt like my standards were just too high. I think this video really helps put things into a good perspective, and it is done in a very charitable way.
Just wanted to ask because I personally don't prioritise phisical attraction as much as some, but what will you do as the other person ages, or gets sick or if they are different because of pregnancy?
@@stuffofmexx6077 This is a good question. I definitely still want to bring personality into the equation for sure though. I'm thinking that during times of pregnancy, or when my future spouse would age, I think those might be some very fruitful times in my life. As far as aging, I feel that we would both start to treat looks as secondary at that point, so it would certainly give time to actually get to know each other as persons. As far as when she's pregnant, I'm not sure what I'd do. It might be really tough for me, but knowing that she's bearing my future child, it would give both of us the opportunity to grow in selflessness.
@@stuffofmexx6077 I personally feel like once I am able to admit I’m in love, it won’t bother me to see them age or gain weight or anything, I will always see them as the person I finally fell in love with and nothing physically will be able to change that. I also, whether right or wrong feel like I have very high standards and unfortunately it may take a very high level of beauty, among other things of course for me to actually fall in love… 🤔
6:55 "my husband DID happen to be an Aggie 😏"
That was really funny to me
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Wow, I really needed this today. I have incredibly strict dating standards that he cannot be thinner than me, because I've always had that anxiety that someone who's thinner than me can't possibly be attracted to me. I need to rethink this, like you said, and ask why do I have this standard/anxiety and reflect if I need to relax a little or not.
We're so glad it was helpful!
What do you do if the person your into is also decerning religious life and you have a feeling shes into you to. What do you do?
Hold it loosely, got it.
Hi
How can I ask a similar question
great advice!
Thank you for watching!
It would be great to see a series of dissecting and analyzing in depth the book of "Songs of Solomon" and comparing that to the "Theology of the Body" and how it correlates to the "CCC"... I will be praying to St Joseph and Our Lady of Sorrows for your guidance of the idea in mind.
Attraction is the fourth leg of the stool, after Faith, personality and life goals. Can a stool stand on three legs? Yes, but a four-legged stool is much more stable.
Also, initial sexual attraction tends to be more durable than attraction that is cultivated over time. Our beauty inevitably wanes as youthfulness fades but studies suggest that couples who remain attracted to one another over decades seem to perceive their partners in the image they saw when they first met.
Super helpful!
What email do we send questions to?
Hello. I would love to know how to act when u start dating someone, they haven't asked you to be their gf, aka the first dates.
Like a lot of times I feel like telling my friend nicknames of love and they almost slip out but I fear I will be taken as a woman who tells the guy she likes him but that's not what I mean to do, is just hard to not show my feelings.
I would say be okay with that. You are single. So is he. He is not gonna be okay with you seeing other people, but it's totally okay for him to exercise everything while sitting you on a shelf. That BF/Gf dynamic is a way to solicit raw sex, play house, split bills, have babies, be fake business partners. It's all for an image. Which is fake. Alot of people are shaking up with enemies. So it's best to not do that in between best Gf/BF thing. It's a step up from cuffin season which is very cruel.
The title of this video should have been "How important is physical beauty/appearance in dating?"
I thought it's about the importance of sexual attraction towards your special other while dating and how to deal with it.
You're right, people often see the God as a tyrant and that's probably how the devil twists their minds.
Regarding your topic, I had this stereotype in my head that hot blonde guys are usually fuckboys that will leave you heartbroken, so I looked at those who are "not that handsome" for me. Now I have a wholesome relationship and I really love my fiance for who he is as a person, but the fact that I silently judged a certain group of people by the appearance just because I didn't think they're reliable, sometimes makes me bitter. The reason why I had this stereotype? I got terribly humiliated by a hot blonde guy I had a crush on in highschool, so it's a trauma response.
Aside of that, I had almost no criteria for appearance, so I was ready to accept any "not that handsome for me" guy God would send me (self-irony!). And yet, I wanted two features for my future soulmate to have: long brown hair and bright eyes. Reason? I just... found this attractive in men, so why not? I honestly didn't think that God would consider these criteria, like, c'mon, they're so stupid, please don't judge by appearance, etc. And I didn't look for any such guys by myself, I was waiting for someone else being interested in me first, so due to fateful coincidences... my ex and my current soulmate both have long brown hair and bright eyes.
So, this is my experience about how looks don't matter but still... matter a little bit. Idk, it comes with common sense. I genuinely didn't think that God will listen to me, but He listened, so... don't be too modest while asking for a soulmate and careful what you want!
For me, this question digs at my desire to be compassionate. I know how it feels to want to be with someone, but to be rejected. I hate the idea of treating anyone else like that - but there's no way to fake being in love with someone, so it's even crueler not to reject them. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is just playing the role of a loving partner.
But that's also unsatisfying. How can I help people like that? It would be wrong to say "just lose some weight" or "buy nicer clothes" or whatever it is. And some people are just... unfortunate. I know some people who have physical disabilities, and it hurts me to think that they may never find spouses, because people judge them on how they look. But I also know how trite and unhelpful it is for someone to say "Just keep praying over it, God will provide." That may be true, it may not be - and even when it's true it doesn't help to hear it.
What does it look like to be a good friend to someone who likes you, but you don't return their affection? Especially when you're longing for a relationship of your own. How cruel it must feel to be in the other person's shoes.
How do you know god wants that. Have you spoke to him? Plus how easy is it to miss read someone's text, so how can we understand the bible. I'm so confused
Still confused?
People have to find a good therapist like you though. Good, moral therapists are few and far between these days.
If I had to be honest, I would say physical attraction is very important especially during the initial phases of a romantic relationship where sex plays a huge role in intimacy and bonding. There are of course other values and factors to consider to make a relationship work but I just feel like without physical attraction I don’t see the point in having sex with that person. Why do people have to mix good friendship with sex. A person I’m not into can still be a good friend but why do I have to feel obligated to have sex with that person just for being a good friend when I don’t find them attractive in a sexual sense! Physical attraction is very subjective and it’s not shallow to follow it at all. Some of the guys I think that are hot are not what some people consider hot and vice versa. People need to make their own decisions when selecting a partner and shouldn’t have to be guilt trip by people who say to date a person they themselves wouldn’t even sleep with!
How csn you fall in love with someone if they arent physically what you like? This person has every other quality you want in a person excpet for meeting your physical preference. Like, you can really fall in love with someone who isnt your physical preference?
No, you can't. I've always thought physical attraction should be at the bottom of the list until I got myself into relationship with someone who was perfect in every other way, great catholic man, but for me this piece was lacking (it's more of a personal taste, he never struggled with opposite sex). I thought it will ewentualny grow, but now I know this is risky assumption
This question gets WAY over theological... it’s simple. Can you envision yourself romantically kissing this person?? Attraction can grow overtime of course, but having an actual ‘physical attributes’ list? Get a life.
Personality character traits on the other hand should definitely be held to a high regard!
(Happily married for 13 years and 4 kids BTW).
Edit: 15 years and 5 kids now….;) and it seems some commenters think I’m saying physically attractions don’t matter… READ the post. It definitely matters, it’s just not EVERYTHING, but if there is no initial physical attraction (hence, can you envision yourself kissing this person) then you really shouldn’t be continuing to explore this as a romantic relationship.
nobody wants an attractive asshole. Nobody wants Shrek with a heart of gold either. Personality character traits on the other hand should definitely be held to a high regard, for sure. But you need looks too.
Could you have made 4 kids with your wife if you were repulsed by her appearance? And when she was walking around with 30 extra kilos for example, didnt you wish she was slimmer, even if you had enough compassion and good sense to say nothing on the topic?
@@Dancediva240 my original statement stands - Can you envision yourself romantically kissing that person?
Trying not to incite lust here… but that pretty much covers all the bases as far as the personality vs. Attractiveness spectrum is concerned!
It is VERY important to be attracted to one’s spouse, but that has many variables. The ‘Hottest’ person in the world can very quickly become the most unattractive person in the world if their personality sucks… and vice versa.
We all have our preferences, but people who focus solely on the superficial are setting themselves up for failure.
@@Prohortico ppl who focus solely on the superficial are setting themselves up for failure, definitely.
But a lot of ppl fail to realise that ppl who focus solely on personality are setting themselves up for failure as well.
That's why you have the comment section where ppl are in otherwise great relationships that are unfortunately passionless.
@@Dancediva240 I’m not disagreeing with you here on any of these points… if one cannot envision being genuinely able passionately kiss someone… they shouldn’t pursue that relationship any further.
If I’m not physically attracted to him from the moment I meet him for the first time, I’m not letting him touch me. He can be a good man, but ewww, I’d feel aversion if he puts a hand on me. And I’m not saying he has to be handsome within society’s standards; he can be not good looking and I can still find him attractive
❤️
She spent exactly two seconds actually answering the question, with zero follow up explanation: "God's not going to call you to marry someone that you aren't attracted to." That was the answer. The rest was fluff. Any chance of a defense of that answer?
Entire book of Hosea(?)
This is easy. Every person is Ike a book. They may have an ugly cover but it's what's underneath that counts. Learn to see people beneath the surface. You may be surprised how beautiful a person can be . Ask God to help you open your heart and see clearly
I cannot agree more with you. I think the questions are these: Is there a hierarchy in beauty? And if so, which is the order in which beautiful realities should attract us?
@@juanflorenciogonzalezmateo9803 2 theives hang on a cross. One sees the crucified man between them as the world sees him. The other thief looks at the crucified man and sees everything about him, as beautiful, even the way he laid down his ice without protest was beautiful. Even his wounds and his blood, are beautiful.
The most beautiful woman that I ever saw, was a ninety-two year old woman, laying in a roller bed, in a nursing home. She could barely move, and she was so frail, but there was an inner light in her, that shined through the thin skin of her face. It took my breath away.
@@pdworld3421 it’s completely awesome to be able to see that kind of inner beauty, which is SO important. How amazing it would make a marriage if your partner had that! However, it does not replace physical beauty. Inner beauty is great to be around, but it doesn’t do much for sexual arousal, which is needed in a marriage, so a marriage needs each partner to find each other beautiful both on the inside and the out, because They need to spend a lot of time together but also have sex. In college there was this really sweet girl who liked me, and was great to me, she’s come over instantly if I invited her, and I wasn’t attracted to her at all, she was really overweight and not my type in the face either, but she was so nice and thoughtful, and so many people say what you say, that I figured, maybe she will become more attractive to me eventually, and I loved every minute I spent with her, but that inner beauty didn’t cause a physical yearning inside of me to lean in and kiss her, I did not feel that desire when I sat next to her. So that would not have worked in a marriage because I did not want to make children with her…
@@mikebarnes8673 I don't know how old you are. Maybe it doesn't matter. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I understand what you're saying. But, believe it or not marriage isn't about sex. It's about love. And what is love? It's willing the good of the other. That's what makes a marriage. When you talk about sex, and making babies, you come across a little immature and selfish.
Love has to be deeper than that or it won't last. Sex gets tiresome. Love endures.
@@pdworld3421 Hey Catholics! It's not either/or, it's both/and!
You're welcome 😁
I'm not sure I understood what the answer is. In other words are you saying that it is possible that physical attraction can grow while we get to know the person? I believe that God can do miracles but so far the physical attraction didnt grow it was just different. Maybe that's why I' m still single...and deceived by the devil. I dont know
physical attraction can grow in intensity with time but there has to be a physical attraction there in the first place.
its fine not to settle for less
Remember women change after getting married..children aging...80lb heavier now...??
I’m not at all attracted to my boyfriend. I fell for his kindness, and stability. He is overweight, and is not doing anything to change it. I wanted to see beyond that, but it builds up resentment. Yesterday he Even said to me «if i gain weight, he would not be attracted to me» I felt even more repulsion towards him. He would be a good friend, but he dosnt want that with me.
😳 r u kidding me? Thats just like a guy to look how they look but can’t accept how you look especially if you change your appearance. Thats a good excuse to now drop him and not feel guilty about it.
@@Lovley11649 Thanks. I did break up with him. He was kind, but that comment threw me off.
it's the first hurdle. if you don't have at least "good enough" looks for the other person, they're not going to care about personality. looks trumps all because it matters first.
@Speaker or the presenter of the video I have a question why People Devalue me if have not gone to church for a long time.
Why am I seen like a pathetic undisciplined guy by church people
I feel Rejected
We're saddened to hear that's been your experience. Our Churches should be a place that welcomes everybody.
Incorrect, the more you get to know somebody they do not become more attractive. This is not a fact, and this is the reason people don’t belong having a channel when they are just speaking from opinion.
Physical attraction is important! Period. But..the attraction may fade over time if the person is shallow and just uninteresting. I've dated very good looking men but they personalities were as interesting as a 3 year old speech. Some of them were aweful in bed. However still is important especially when it comes to physical touch. I wouldn't want to be physical with a fat man (sorry) or unhealthy looking. That's how it works. Simple!
But God said He can't promise happiness on this earth...
This earth is a snake pit. It's hard to see who is who because so many are wearing monkey masks.
You should understand the magic of fairy tales.
She stopped just short of saying “God won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to do”… which is unscriptural. I think that’s what she thinks. God is God. He is sovereign. He is not about a “vibe” or happiness. First she says being attracted to beauty is fine. Then she vilifies it in a covert way. Very silly video with almost no scriptural basis.
Just as important as any other part of it, which is just another reason why its idiotic to think a supposed god designed us with such unnecessarily acute disparity in physical beauty for no reason and then expecting us to deal with either being ugly ourselves or the awkward dilemma of being nice but lying that someone's beautiful or painfully honest. its at best an act of negligence, or worse... malice... but most likely the case... just proof against design altogether.
you lost me….
Hey, what's wrong with trolls? 😆
Very bad theology!
God will most certainly ask you to fo things that you don't want! He did for Jonah. The verse "Delight yourself in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart" is completely misunderstood! If you delight yourself in the Lord, you will desire Godly things--which God will give you. Jer 17:9 says that the heart of man is desperately wicked, so God will not reward the wicked desires of a heart that does not delight in him.
If it's important to you, you're doing something wrong.
The Lord, if he exists at all, probably doesn't give a shit about our dating life. He lets thousands of children die every day so why should he care about whom we marry?
Christian trash talk, get real help. this is just wrong on all levels.
How do you mean?
Why? You should give some evidence for this crazy negative comment!
@@mlongjr4223 please check out a therapist. You clearly need one. And this bs is hurting you.
There is an older movie called Shenandoah. A young military officer asks the father for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
The father simply asks, “do you like her?”
The young officer goes on about he loves her blah blah…..
The father cuts him off and responds, “that’s not what I asked you, I asked you do you LIKE her.”
m.czcams.com/video/4jNk3YdA5_k/video.html&pp=ygUac2hlbmFuZG9haCBkbyB5b3UgbGlrZSBoZXI%3D
It was such a simple conversation that dives deep into what God truly desires for us in a spouse.
Find a person that you like. Infatuation blinds us to a lot of things that make for a long long marriage road.
Just celebrated my 6th anniversary. Got married in the church to a Greek Orthodox woman. My mind, body, and soul are content.
Can i get your email... I have a question
How do we send private message to your email tnk u 😊
I effect couldn't call that beating around the Bush. And not really getting the answer, this is it?
You need to quit your day job.
Very bad theology!
God will most certainly ask you to fo things that you don't want! He did for Jonah. The verse "Delight yourself in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart" is completely misunderstood! If you delight yourself in the Lord, you will desire Godly things--which God will give you. Jer 17:9 says that the heart of man is desperately wicked, so God will not reward the wicked desires of a heart that does not delight in him.