If you’ve been ghosted, do THIS!
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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Since I’ve been ghosted, I don’t even want to provide them a courtesy text of me walking away. I’ll just move on in the same style as they did.
nice
I get that. That works. There can also be a place of power like ‘I don’t let your actions determine mine’
I kinda feel like when u text them, it’s like leaving the door ajar for them to make excuses as to why they were so distant to reel u back I feel or them to do it again. I’m not fan of get back but I do believe in karma and with me is when it begins 😂. I appreciate your feedback and guidance. U helped me understand not to look at it as something wrong with me but really all to do with them.. @jack butler
*reel u back in so that they can eventually do it again
@@TheDreamHaven Texting them does not open the door for whatever... I do text them not for them, but for me to shut the door and move on with dignity...
Ghosting makes you feel crazy. Like you just imagined everything and like you don’t even exist. It’s so cruel. I hope people who ghost (who aren’t ghosting due to a dangerous situation) get the pain that they deserve. They don’t deserve to ever feel safe and secure in a relationship because they’re not human enough to care what they did to someone they lied to and pretended to love.
I wish I had this video and it’s explanation back when I was ghosted. So on point!! After a year of a relationship to be ghosted devastated me. The rejection, pain and my self esteem suffered horribly. What I can say is that it’s important to realize that if a person can walk away from you like that ... let them go. Don’t love them more than you love yourself! It’s a process and takes time but I promise you one day you will be over it you’ll feel empowered and grateful that they are gone.
I stand in agreement with you...
@@marciadawkins7731 🙏
I like this especially - don’t love them more than you love yourself!
Well said!
I recently got ghosted after talking to what I thought was a really nice guy for months. I did ask him if he was emotionally avoidant because I thought we should have progressed further and he seemed unsble to talk about feelings. Anyway, that was the last time I heard from him. It'll be 3 weeks on Tuesday.
I decided to take back my power and not seek answers from him but to happily get on with my life. I cannot for the life of me understand why a middle aged man (or any person) would want to treat another human being like that. It hurts and it's so confusing. Hey I'm still learning but definitely not accepting that behaviour from any guy.
Thanks for video. 👏
Glad you took your power back. Hope you get more met in future ⭐️
Ever get entangled with a narcissist and I guarantee you will experience ghosting. I'm definitely not saying all men are narcissists, but when you become entangled with one you will definitely know it. They love to ghost! It's one of their best tools of manipulation.
I hear you. I do have a video on stopping attracting narcissists
I have been there...more than once. Very painful. Very confusing.
I am glad I saw this comment. I will look for the video you made jack.
I recently had a good friend do this. Ghost and bait and lack of respect for personalboundaries. Or maybe I just woke up to this aspect of his behavior. Either way, reevaluating the friendship all together. Stopping the engagement in narcissistic behavior is a power point that works for me
Silence is its own perfect answer
There you go!
"A guy who ghosts you is not gonna be your guy." **sucker punch to the gut that I needed** I definitely do NOT need to know why. Someone who loves you won't put you in that kind of pain. That's ALL I need to know.
Yeah, I realize that was quite 'to the point'!, but hope it's liberating too
@@thejackbutler Very liberating, ghosting any time is bad, but especially hurtful when he knows I'm going through a hard time and I could use support...ouch.
Hi Jack. you talk like guys are only ghosting you after a couple of dates - I had a relationship for almost a year and was ghosted - left in content, I guess you would say that the cure is the same, and you are right - there is nothing else to do, but it sure hurts immensely...
Thanks for sharing that - yes, you're right I was talking a bit more to dating than a full relationship. Sorry you had that experience, that's rough. Hope you've been healing 🙏
I like the part about he's still in the same bucket called "Not Your Guy". Thank you, Jack. ❤️
There's so much gold in this video, thank you. 🙏
Happy to hear that! 🌟
The disrespect and the lack of empathy is ThE closure!
Right on
Breadcrumber, ghoster AND gaslighter is the ultimate mix and my ex to a T
Pops up every few months to say hey how are you, then ghosts me but gaslights me to make me think he didn't
Delightful 🤣
Go no contact?
Lol if someone ghosts you, you don't reach out to them with a polite message explaining you're not interested now and wishing them well. You block and delete...
Whatever works. Sometimes people find power in making a declaration from their side.
@@thejackbutler I agree with you.
I remember once being used by a guy I fell in love with, and decided to just go to the guy and talk to him. In a civil way. Went there, rang the bell, he was surprised, I asked if I can come in (if you ask politely, he'd have to be a moron to say no). I asked him about his view of the situation, we talked. When people can read from your face and tone of voice that you're not accusing or asking for stories, you just want to hear the truth, frequently they will give it to you.
I told him my opinion of him (not a good one), he was mildly trying to justify himself, I dismissed it, said goodbye and left. All of this lasted max 20 minutes and was done in a calm way.
It worked for me then, because I needed closure and the whole story would have stuck inside my brain for much longer had I not done it. (I just wanted to a proof he really is that a..hole I knew he was. Would have worked in any case, because any reaction (even silence) says sth. )
Now that i'm much older, I hope I wouldn't need that. It's even better. (That's if you're sure. If you still need a proof- then go get it, if you think you won't be able to sleep without it. We live we learn.)
You have really covered all the bases here regarding ghosting. Really good analysis and approach to this very confusing piece of relationships.
Thank you - happy it felt comprehensive to you
The Eye-opener Is the acknowledgment that this relationship is not for me if I’ve been ghosted this is not the one for me ty
If all they are capable of doing is hoovering, run.
Agreed I thought we were so close to where I wanted us to be for three years but then haven’t heard from him for a month and when I did it was just I am home SMHD
Glad that was eye-opening 🙏
Jack, your bit about do we really need to know the reasons so resonated with me. I had an online relationship for 4mths and I really fell for him hard, then he started ignoring me. I have been wasting so much energy on trying to get closure, beating myself up with the what if's, asking him for his reasons etc. I feel totally exhausted with it all, but you're right...I DO know that he's ghosted me, that he's not my man and do I really need to know more? I'm going to take back my power and delete him from my social media and move on. Thank you.
Boom! Like that you're doing that. All the power to you.
Ghosting really does hurt. However, you have to realize that they are showing you what a jerk they really are. And the sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be. There's no point wasting your time with someone who's hot and cold. They just don't have good social skills. Doesn't mean they're a bad person but they just may not be ready for a real relationship.
I love how you dont make me feel lesser for loving an unavailable man. I took my power back and ended it nicely but I still love him and its been two months of no contact, I never begged I slipped away. At least I have my pride
Good work. Yeah, sometimes loving means not being with someone, and it can be tough
Yep! Self-respect over emotions. This awakening came a little later in life...But it's okay. I'm still here, still learning. This knowledge I'll take with me into future relationship(s).
This is so precisely right, and can be extrapolated to a bread crumber. ... Would love a video about hanging on to the hopes that a guy who claims he is not ready to be in a relationship, will someday be ready.
Thanks, Jack!
You’re welcome...The short answer is don’t be in relationship until he’s ready - and live your life in the meantime. Then you can be in sobriety not hope
Good day Jack. I am in process of dealing with this exact situation. 5 months of what I thought was a genuine connection and suddenly I'm on a back burner watching him begin to chase another female. Unbelievably.
That sounds hard. Suggest having regular check ins on where the connection is at in future.
Silently wish him well but wish yourself well even more. ❤️
That's neat, I like that
Love this video. Had this happen to me after 6 months in a relationship. I thought, wow, really? Confusing for sure but he did me a big favor. No more time spent on someone who isnt my guy. . Like Jack said, hes disrespecting himself by ghosting. Who wants anyone that does this thing? Ugh. Not me.
What to do if you've been ghosted:
GHOSTING: he's dropped of the map, you haven't heard from him in days/weeks/more. There was no talking about that, you were going along a certain trajectory and now there's: nothing.
1. Get your power back. A guy who ghosts you is NOT going to be your guy. (Be very sober about that). This is nobody being in a relationship with. You decide to NAME it: this is over. (You take your power back).
You may want to communicating this in a powerful way to him. Doesn't need to be perfect. Declare it and stand by that declaration. Claim your power and back it up (by blocking). Don't go into the grey area. ("Maybe it will be different this time")
Most people like a connection and might not be ok with the finality of it.
This comment is perfect! Thanks
Thank you Jack for this one, I recently went through this myself and I learned when I feel a connection with someone, which is rare, I want to hold on with both hands and that is not healthy!!
I hear you - it's hard when it's rare to feel a connection. Keep practising, and sure in the fullness of time the right connection will show up
Casper the friendly ghost 👻
Actions speak volumes.
Lol! And - yes!
Yes! People are not commodities or objects. I suppose it comes down to what you believe are basic standards/human decency. I totally get that you are trying to reach people, women especially, who have put time and effort into a connection, whether it be for two dates or two years(or much more) , to realise that if the guy 'ghosts' them he is never going to be a worthy partner. However, it may be helpful to include in this video an acknowledgement of the utter devastation of being on the receiving end of this - another video or series of videos - which would address the impact of this behaviour. In other words, this video has incredible insight and value - but would be MOST helpful AFTER someone who has experienced this has felt seen, validated (for the impact of this callous behaviour) and been given advice/tools to combat the impact on their self-esteem and self-worth. It's just an observation which I think may come from my own gut reaction to some of your comment which alludes to the fact that 'the guy' may just not be able to connect in an adult way. Not your words obviously, but my own 'hello! call them out for goodness' sake!' frustration. And btw how many women are online at any given time, trying to understand, get a handle on and generally become enlightened and understand themselves and others in order to give more meaning and value to connections compared with men? No matter how much we (women) bolster ourselves and work on our self esteem and boundaries and self-worth and letting go of expectations etc etc does it really impact in the way that we want/need it to? If women are doing all/most of the work doesn't this hark back to some of the most 'enlightened' oldest texts which described a philosophy where women were imbued with a kind of 'evil' power which stemmed from their ability to seduce but which was actually used against them? Where does that leave us (women)? I realise I am meandering into the realms of philosophy, where I probably don't belong (or is that my fawning response?!) So confused!!! Thank you to anyone who has read to the end - and please know my references to 'women' and 'men' were expressed with regard to heterosexual relationships with people who identity as male and female - but in no way way was meant to ignore or diminish relationships between people who identify in whatever way expresses their identity. I am so glad to have what I believe is a fluid identity-but something called me to respond to an ancient patriarchal wound tonight.
And to Jack - thank you for giving of your time and experience - we know you have our backs, we need you. You, are unique and relevant and empathic and cut through all the nonsense/babble out there. Goodnight everyone 💖
Love your thoughts
Thank you Jack!!
Thank you Jack, this video is pure gold ❤ Wish I would have had this kind of insight and support many years back. Would have saved me so many years of frustration and grief not recognizing he simply wasn't available and the problem was with my own lack of self worth.
I hear you! Well, glad it's landed for you now.
Great video. Thank you
You’re welcome!
Thank you Jack, so beautiful video. My friend was ghosted then she reach out about 4 weeks later to check on him... He replied " Who is this" Why such horrible treatment? Why he just didn't block her number and never reply ?
I get why that would be hard. I would focus more on self and less on what's going on for him.
@@thejackbutler Thank you for your insight, seems that he was dealing with PTSD issues or Bipolar disorders in the past was the reason.
This is fantastic, Jack. So so helpful - Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you jack❤
😊🌟
So well said and analysed
Thank you!
Very well expressed.
🙏🙏
Thank you 🥺
Hope it helped
Excellent video. Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. 😊
Perfect
Jack, Thank youu so much
You're welcome
Wow wow wow.. Powerful insight! Thank you!
Glad you found it that!
Assessed and addressed brilliantly Jack! ... often a very hard lesson and experience to get through...so thankyou 👍☺️
You're very welcome!
Thank you jack so refreshing to hear your thoughts, I’ve always reacted to his ghosting for 5 years with reaction as I feel that’s what he was looking for but I took my power back this time with silence not reacting which I’m so proud of....... not quite ready to send a end of connection message but will do this soon 👍
I love your work Jack! I’ve shared this with others and they also are following you now🙏❤️
Wow, thank you, super appreciate that
Powerful ! 💪And right on time !
Thank you very much, Jack 💝
Yay! And you're welcome 🙏
Walk and never look back.Great video!!! 🙌
Thank you 🙏
very sobering and what everyone needs to hear. thank you!
You're welcome!
Ouch! I felt it right here! So needed to hear this TODAY.
Brilliant as always, Jack. Thank you.
Thanks for hearing it!
This is one of the best videos out there on ghosting. In depth (much like all of your content!) with a sprinkle of deeper concepts. Absolutely love it.
Thank you, liked hearing that 🙏
Jack, I’ve been watching your videos for the past year or so, and I think you’re so brilliant.... you have really helped me see things from a different perspective. You make so much sense.
Yay! That's gratifying to hear!
Brilliant
Aww
Great advice! Very helpful info, helped someone much!!! 😊👍
Happy it’s helpful 👍
I watched to the end and as usual you never disappoint. Brilliant and wise as always. 🙏❤️
Thanks for watching it all!
Love the background!
:)
The need to know is powerful....but as you say, would you ever get the truth?
Even if you're getting a truthful communication, how 'true' it is, is a different question!
Jack, sometimes you say just fews words that are so exact, so precious and that go deep in mind... and that are extremely usefull to hear. Really big "thank you" to you?
Happy to hear that! Thanks for taking them in!
Bravo Jack 👍🏻👏🏻
🙏🙏
I found this powerful thank you ♥️
Awesome!
This is revolutionary realisation
Happy for that
"The confirmation of your colours!" 👌 Yes! Ive been giving myself a similar pep talk all week... [ a full week of no news/messages etc] from this man I had a connection with. This video is still so good and necessary for me to hear! Thanks!!! ❤️🌹
Sounds like good work, keep it up
The abandonment issue!! Thank you 🙏 ❤️❤️❤️
Yes, that little big issue!
I am going to take back my power now. Thanks to this video. First time ever being in this situation. Confusing. But Jack's advice of not taking it personally has really saved my heart. I've been through a tremendous journey. But have taken a year off for myself. I am finally loving who I have become. I can't take a step back now. Thank you Jack. You are so informative and wise. I love your humble heart.
"I am finally loving who I have become" - I love this! And thanks for the reflection, I don't think I've ever had the specific 'humble heart' one 🙏
When a guy ghosts it’s plain and simple “it was just NOT meant to be” nothing more than that
You are so much more clear concise and realistic than these American male dating coaches it's so refreshing I guess they are a little more sensitive I prefer your delivery
If you have been Ghosted...DON'T GIVE A SHIT...THEIR LOSS...BETTER OFF WITHOUT IDIOTS THAT DON'T APPRECIATE THE GOOD PERSON YOU ARE. LET IT GO....KEEP BUSY DOING WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO...WE DON'T "NEED" ANYONE....ONLY LET PEOPLE IN YOUR CIRCLE WHO ARE DESERVING OF YOUR PRESSENCE. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF....BREATHE....
Thanks so much Jack. I have been ghosted by a guy I've been dating for 2 months! We are in our 40s. Last weekend he ran a half marathon with me and was supportive. His communication has always been a bit sketchy so a few days I said I was finding it to be minimal and was he working alot. He didn't reply. Yesterday I asked if he was still coming over for dinner. He hasn't read the message. I feel very confused and feel I must have offended him by asking about his communication. I don't normally like to but have been trying to ask for what I need and speaking my truth.
I'm feeling very confused. He had always behaved as though he wanted a relationship as he always wanted to go out and do things together. Thank you. X
I get why that would be confusing. Probably revealing that he wasn’t going to be someone you could try to build with. There’s no way not to offend at times, I can always let you know that you offended me and ask for something
If I've been ghosted he wasn't worth my time. Period!!
Boom!
On point and beautiful. I just let go a man when he toold me that he cannot see me for a while and he will make contact once everything, whatever is going on in his life, is settled. I did not accept that reason and I replied him that it is better not to see each other because everything is fundamentally wrong for both of us. I felt disrespected initially when I recieved the message but it just took me a minute to get my power back and disconnected with that piece of turd.
Love you Jack ☺️💜 you look healthy and handsome. Miss your three hour live streams 🌺
Thank you 🙏 Yes, I kinda miss them too!
It has crossed my mind "why do I feel so disrespected so quickly by someone that's -in my words- just window shopping?!" It's something I can relate to and can easily forgive. But I haven't found an answer yet to why it's so triggering to me ...
Check out Enneagram 2
Wow..that is the ugly truth Jack...thank you!!!
6:15 no no one specifically needs to know BUT we do need basic human behavior to be treated w same courtesy that u give your co-worker. ( u will never get away w such unprofessional behavior) The funny thing is, men will do this ANYTIME whether 6 weeks or 6 years of dating. The only time they don't is when they have any stakes in it. (Emotion, property, assets, children, etc) the irony is they expect full communication when the tables are turned and someone else us breaking up w him. It is psycho behavior. Hands down why even date? Same thing my entire life. Done folks
12:30 why? Because they had sex and is not acceptable after.having sex. We used to have certain morals to protect each other. Morals, etiquette and social order was in place to keep a community value
Try a 4 month relationship and being ghosted
I am sorry
Hey, Jack! ALL yr VIDs are abt OUR SELF-LOVE, RESPECT+PROTECTION!!!
I wonder IF there are STILL WOMEN out there who INSIST ON IGNORING THESE SIMPLEST FACTS of the TRUTH!!!💗💛💚
hey! I don't know if it's so much 'ignoring them' as learning them? ie, self-love is an ongoing journey for most of us!
@@thejackbutler YES, u r RIGHT, Jack! It's the process of LEARNING in every stage of our life! I shoul've thought earlier!💗💛💚
Is there some way you can request the ads run at the beginning or end of the video
Good question - sometimes YT offers that to you, not sure what determines whether it does
My God I wish he was my brother 💔😭
My husband just got home from delyopment last night i asked him to make love to me he said he was tired did he cheat on me what are the signs that he has
@Chlarie Peace Thanks he says he loves me the whole time he was gone he said that he missed me and our family was married before as well don't want to be hurt again so far he has been honest about things
I would say maybe he was tired. It is the first day back. Doesn't always mean cheating. He's probably gone through so much, so a little compassion here helps.
@@Saffeyah Thanks that means everything there was a big time differnce between the States and where was at it's like 10 hours time differnce
I would maybe check it out with him when you are both rested if it still feels important - and lead with your experience, eg I felt sad - and not any blame.
PS - thank you both for your service
👍😇🙏
🙏
Ya what is this nonsense. Luckily i built myself a year of self love and know it is about him, not about me. (Inner child healing is so powerful). He faded off after the last meetup and we are talking about progressing into a relationship. 🙄 I KNOW what's going on. I won't even bother texting him about his disappearance. But if he comes back, imma be snarky. 😏
17:50 He clearly doesn't understand a woman's physiology /what is happening after a woman has sex.
So so so hilarious that he keeps assuming it only happens after 1 or 2 dates. Dying of laughter. Try months to years buddy