Matteo Lane Spills The Tea About Michael's
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- čas přidán 6. 01. 2024
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#MatteoLane #michaels #gay #comedyspecial #standupcomedian #standupcomedy #special #comedyshorts #comedy_video #comedynyc #newyork #newyorkcity #nyc #nyctour #comedy #standupcomedian #comedian #nycs #funny - Komedie
You ranting about printers to a cricut machine (not a printer) makes it extra funny.
This. There is no better moment in my week than this.
Agreeeed😂😂😂
just came here to say exactly this LMAO
_Printers never work!_ Especially the ones that aren't printers. 😆 To be fair though, those Cricut thingies are a ripoff too.
Deadass
The real gift would be to watch the 1990s Michael’s security footage of a 16 year old Matteo broadcasting, “Francesca to the yarn section, please!”.
2000s*, don't be rude
1890s, be ruder
@@WallebyDamned💀
“this isn’t gonna werk 💁♀️🫰”
😂
"let's just say her name was Joann...Fabrics" lmao
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Cool drag name
"back in my day, it was free" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I wanted to write exactly the same words 😂😂😂😂
I love the progression from wanting to burn the place down to buying fake lemons and calling everything cute 😂
And “fun” 😆
roasting Michael's and then buying the fruitiest thing he can. This is beautiful. This is art.
Grimacing over the lavender candle and then getting caught up with the fake fruit is truly the craft store experience when you're just there to "browse"
"She's married with a pitbull" 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 we went tanning together !
Another former employee here, and this made me laugh so freakin hard! Even in California and Idaho the stealing was practically encouraged.
Both my managers: "So here are the only two security cameras in the store, they're right at the front and don't actually work. Just, uh... try to be vigilant and kill 'em with kindness."
...Several beads found their way into pockets while being remarked for clearance. So shiny.
You stealing a few individual clearance rack beads & thinking that is "theft" warms my heart. My son confessed he took a single nut (hardware kind, about 10cents) from his previous workplace, from off the floor, and was worried that was theft. ❤❤❤ some of you "kids" (anyone under 40) are alright!
@@montananerd8244if it’s from a huge corporation, I never consider it theft lol that’s why they have insurance and destroy unsold merchandise
What was the best and worst jobs you've had? Was Michael's the worst?
You should never, ever feel bad about stealing from a company worth hundreds of millions of dollars lol
@@youtubeyoutubeyoutube9961Yes, you should. It demeans you.
An entire minute (edited down) spent fretting over and debating the aesthetics of a fake fruit purchase. Never change, Matteo.
I’m an American living in France and I do miss Micheal’s. It’s difficult to get baking supplies here. Loved your trip down memory lane!
“It seems like kids just want to watch Moana seven times a day.” Between that quote and talking about printers by a Cricut machine. This is gold. 😅
And when Matteo reads all these comments about his rant next to a Cricut machine, he'll probably won't get what we find so hilarious, wondering what a Cricut is.
@@Xiroi87 I mean, you’re not wrong. Lol 😂
This thread, I'm 💀.
I love how Mateo was fired from Michael's for stealing and then returns to the scene of the crime looking like a robber with dark sunglasses on indoors, a puffy jacket to hide stolen merch, and what could very well pass as a glue-on mustache.
This is the nicest Michael's I've seen. Matteo: Slags off Michael's the whole time. Also Matteo: Buys fake fruit.
At full retail price
@@DoobooDomoRight!? 😆 I thought it was cute too until I saw $8.99 on one of those things
When I worked at Michael's it was the fake fruit we made fun of most.
I was a framing department manager back in 2003, and Mateo is right, the framing department was where the "cool kids" worked. When everyone slaved with customers on the sales floor, my team was behind a counter selling frames, and in the back building projects. It was basically 30% customers and 70% gossip and laughing. We rarely had to deal with the Karen's and when we encountered one, I shut that sh*t down. That was a fun 2 years, but then I got a life. And to Mateo: Guuuurl, you got fired for a Winnie the Pool baking tin? At least "buy" an airbrush.
What did you move on to afterward?
@@allyson-- Managerial corporate position with Disneyland in California. Such a lucrative career, benefits, and opportunities. LOVE IT!
“This was $45, back in my day… it was free” had me done! 😂😂
They stopped selling themed cake pans because the employees stole them all. 😂😂😂
Thanks for the heads up! I'm going dumpster diving at Michael's!
One of my favorite quick jokes was when Matteo told Nikki Glaser "I dated a girl named Francesca who worked at Michael's" & she said "I dated a guy named Michael who worked at Francesca's!"
"Melting a witch."
I FUCKING DIED.
$45 for some plastic fruit is bananas, no pun intended
He clearly didn’t use the ever-present coupons.
Women in their early hundreds coming to return a single bead 😂😂😂😂
i love when i hear him say jokes again. "early hundreds" kills me every time.
I would love to see you and Nick making those Disney villain bead things together.
genius!
Matteo’s phrase “in their early hundreds” never fails to catch me off guard and make me teehee. Thank you Matteo
i first heard that in a Kathy Griffin stand-up from 2005. She was referring to Celine Dion's husband. 🤭
“Which I didn’t even need”
In some universe, I’m sure the need for a Winnie the Pooh pan is dire enough to risk employment. 😂
I was about to post "At least Michael's is better than Hobby Lobby," and you beat me to it. Love the fruit. We need a follow-up reveal of the fruit in situ.
Describing Michael’s customers as “women in their early 100’s” made me LOL. 😂
I'd love more videos of Mateo just doing stuff in New York and sharing his thoughts with us. It's a good time.
Something about these videos is so comforting, i feel like im being dragged around this store by my friend 😂
"Back in my day it was free". Matteo you wild 😆
"... and I was fired for stealing a Whinnie the Pooh cake pan."🤣🤣🤣
POV: It's hilarious EVERY time he says it!! Will NEVER get old! Absolutely GOLDEN MATERIAL!
The BEST part of this adventure is at 4:54, with Matteo while totally winter dressed, raises his arms and we see that exposed furry belly! Sigh.
#txrabbit----------OMG, tx, I was going to comment on the SAME thing after reading some of these!!!! See this, Matteo?! MORE, MORE, MORE!!! 😛😛😛🤩🤩🤩😋😋😋 (And stop shaving the chest!!)😠
U GOT THAT RIGHT... YUM.
That was 🔥!
@@m1k3ywestley51 YUMMY
I tossed off over it.
I did a stint at Don Quijote (Japanese Walmart), where my boss(es) wanted me bagging merchandise at the cash registers or doing inventory in the back, but my favorite activity...was derping around the automotive section where I would do my all-time favorite activity of shrugging at everyone who had automotive questions and organizing Japanese car scents - the boxes were all in Hiragana/Katakana (and fortunately for me, most of the employees couldn't read Japanese), so I could read it easily and figure out which ones went where. Fortunately for me, customers were CRAZY, leaving half-eaten sammiches in the lubricant section while others carried car scents all over the market before leaving them in the grocery department, so I had fun scavenge-hunting for auto parts then organizing everything. When my boss(es) showed up looking for people to bag groceries, they'd see me doing bilingual work and leave me alone. XD
THIS VIDEO IS so GOOD you don't understand. like the whispering but also the brutal honesty and roasting. and then, hold on! "This is the infamous yarn section where Francesca and I broke up" like as if you are reporting live from a foreign city. yes, matteo.
The 700 Club. You poor thing. That is torture.
This should literally be a Michael's Advertisement
the casual attitude regarding employee theft and the intense deliberation over what fake fruit to buy is very relatable
This was far more enjoyable than it had any right to be. 😂
Let’s not breeze over your manager being named Joanne
watching this slowly devolve from roasting michaels to just shopping is hilarious
when im in my nona years i'm absolutely keeping a bowl of fake lemons on my coffee table
I am, and I do 😂 (It's actually a bowl of fake fruit, which are also candles!)
@@Loveboatreruns1978 Triple points for multifunctional décor fruits! 🍋🍋🍊🍇🍒
I feel like you took this opportunity to reconcile your past trauma working at Michael’s 😄
8:34 That is why glitter is referred to as “craft herpes”. 😂
This was such a mix of personal attack, nostalgia and straight truth😂😂 this was hilarious🤣
To be fair if we had any other craft store nearby I wouldn’t use Michaels but alas my crafty self is cursed to use them. I’ve also applied to work there in the past but have never so much as gotten even a F off and die rejection and honestly, I’m okay with that😂
As a former employee at a Michael's, I find this too funny! Having worked in framing can confirm it was definitely the best part of the store to work in. But Matteo what about the cinnamon scented pinecones that overwhelmed everyone when they walked in the store?! What about the singing fish & or other items that people pushed to play All Day Long?! Before you got the boot because the lure of the adorable cake pan was too much were you ever involved in the Hell that was inventory? Please do an episode about that if so, it was traumatizing!! A side note: in the store I worked at the general manager had no clue how to handle a return. He'd always just have a cashier do it for him. 😆
I used to work at a grocery store, and we got cinnamon scented brooms. They smelled the same as the pinecone Michael's sells, and they are horrible.
They still sell the pinecone. Fortunately it’s outside now. The synthetic scented candles are bad enough. I know exactly what I need at Christmas time, which is roughly from September to December at Michaels, and get out to avoid a headache.
@@lynnstlaurent6789 oh man... Of course they'd put it outside, ages later. I think it should have always been out in fresh air. Omg those candles should go too, but they won't. Your description of getting out of Michaels reminds me of how I am in the detregent aisle.
I’m dying. 😂 My Sunday is complete after watching Matteo channel his inner 40 year old religious woman with 6 kids! 😆💜
warms my heart to know your experience working at Michaels in Chicago was pretty much identical to my first job at Joann Fabrics in Florida in 2007
Was your manager named Michaels?
This is the content I crave. I love walking around stores with my friends and this gives the same immaculate vibe
I worked for Michaels for over 4 years.. this video was lowkey traumatic 😂💀
Mateo calling a cricut a printer is so funny idk why😭😭 it’s so boomer coded.
Boomers be wayy older than me, so double wayy older than Mateo. I think he's just being meta, you know. Not Meta meta, just like regular meta. Iconic. 😅
Omg I’m having a boy crush moment. Jealous of the cameraman who got to walk behind and capture the view and the midriff - best late Christmas present I’ve gotten. 🤤😍😘
Matteo is a gift to jeans.
That impression of Rodrigo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤
IKR? It was so quick, yet so funny. 😆
“For three things of fruit was $45. Back in my day it was free.” 😂💀❤
"The clientele, I remember they were women in their early 100s coming to return a single bead" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I’m so the opposite of a hoarder” whilst holding three bags of fake fruit.
🤣
“WHICH SHE WAS…right cause i got fired for stealing”
“These fake oranges feel more sensible” 😂
*Spot on impression of Hobby Lobby* @10:22
People who refuse to go to Hobby Lobby are the ones going to Michaels
Some of us are atheist women in our 40s with dogs. We need yarn.
@@ihavecooties 😂 yes
Oh that's cute... Matteo calling the Cricut a "printer." x)
I would’ve gone to camp in a millisecond if I’d gotten to make Gen 1 Pokémon out of those plastic dots! Those kids were so lucky! 😂
Your like the old single Tia that takes care of her mom and complains all the time lol I love it
That "printer" will NEVER work because it is a die cutter. 😂
Poor Rodrigo now walks around wearing everything he owns at once 😂😂
The scariest thing in this video actually was the low 10 ft. ceilings... I've never been to a Michaels/HL where it wasn't a giant department store with those two story ceilings. City living here, I guess! But it felt claustrophobic. x)
But they are horribly lowered 10ft ceilings. The only thing cheaper than that drop ceiling system is painted cardboard. And you know there's at least an original, awesome 12 ft ceiling above it.
@@danlong3050 I've been to this Michael's many times, and it is in a basement. But you are right, between two sections with depressing ceilings is an atrium-y spot with very high ceilings (I think the baking and yarn is nearby)
4:53 (happy trail exposed) The BEST part of this video haha! 😘💕💕
As a former retail loss prevention investigator- I loved everything about this!
10:28 "Back in my day, it was free..." 😆😆🤣
Brilliant review of Michael's, way better than Hobby Lobby! 😂
That's not a printer. It cuts things out so you can make stuff. Who needs that? Mormon moms? I don't know.
Matteo, do that lil turn again❤ arms up again, please!
Omg I can't stop laughing, this was the best 😂! Michael's was always the start of a great idea that never got followed through with, tons of money spent on supplies that eventually got shoved in a bin in the garage. So you can feel less bad about stealing as I bought enough junk to cover their losses from a few theiving crafters 😜 And I ALWAYS forgot my coupons at home.😆 ❤Meg
Omg. Talks about being the opposite of a hoarder and trying to toss out husband’s shirt cause it’s not being used all while walking around the store with a mitt full of fake fruit ready to be purchased....lol
This guy’s the best!!!
“are we being watched” literally standing in front and of a security monitor
am I the only one screaming “thats not a printer”
I’m an artist living in Ireland and I would think I died and went to heaven if I walked into a place like Michael’s. We have art shops but they’re typically tiny.
That's interesting. 😌
One of my favorite tiny art supply shops closed and now I HAVE to go to the bigger ones like Michaels. It's crazy. There is a vast selection although some things are expensive and cheaply made. 😒
That's what I thought too! (except; a different European country)
Same here, that and The Container Store.There are vids of people, well, ladies in their early hundreds, as Matteo would say unboxing Michael's grab bags, which is a huge box full of random items from the previous season, from gorgeous planners, stationery to art supplies, for a ridiculous price. I suppose we're too sustainable in Europe for that, but I would love to get some of those boxes, just for once
You would end up ordering online. Michaels carries a lot of their store brand. You give it a try and put it a bin for a friend’s kid and then pay for the shipping from an art shop in a bigger city. I am just a hobbyist and find the quality horrible. Maybe one in Chicago or NYC is better.
I keep on coming back to watch these videos cause I can’t get enough of the sweet squeaky laughs that the cameraman cannot contain. So adorable!!!
Omigods the 45 second version of the breakup story is EVERYTHING ❤
Omg!!! The bucket and melting a witch!! You just made me laugh and feel so damn old!!!😊
Matteo in truest form - we love you so much 🥰
My younger sister works at a Michaels and everything you've said is SO VALID!!!
Yessss! Just in time. Thank you for this video.
Why is he accusing the Cricut machine of being a printer? That's like me accusing Matteo of being a Top...oop
Laughing out loud to Matteo while I shovel snow in north Idaho on a Sunday afternoon THANK YOU MATTEO!
Breaking up with Francesca in the yarn section. Classic…I love it!
Knowing that Matteo Lane worked at the Michaels in the town where I grew up made my day 😭
Former Michael's framer here.... lmao gods bless you and this hilariously relatable content 😂❤
Too many gems to count in this one! 🤣 Loved your walk down memory lane, Matteo!
There are so many moments of this video that share spiritual DNA with Coco Peru’s videos I feel. 👏👏👏
i love the way he left with some stuff 🤣🤣
"apples are more fun" literally killed me 😂😂😂
This was unexpectedly hilarious 😂❤
This was hilarious! Matteo is so honest. loved the part about glitter. You would be a great CEO. You would be a great president. 😅
Matteo needs to look at the XMen 97 action figure line. They have Storm with her iconic mohawk, and she's super posable. The whole line looks great, but I know that would heal his inner child with all the broken figures.
8:33 "ur slow" in the background 😂😂😂
0:59 Please welcome to the stage: ✨✨Joanne Fabrics ✨✨
“back in my day it was free” is iconic, my hero
My husband referred to it as “crap”booking 😂
Matteo picking out fake fruit is me making any decision 😂so relatable
"back in my day, it was free". Lordy, i adore you.
You are so fun to “hang out with” even if it’s just virtually. So funny.
Lol “This isn’t gonna *snaps above head* WERK!!!