Ten Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship Terri Cole - Real Love Revolution
Vložit
- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
- Have you ever questioned your sanity in your relationship? Does your partner often deny a conversation you KNOW the two of you have had or tells you he has, “No idea what you’re talking about” and that “You must be crazy”?
Denying your reality in this way, sometimes referred to as gaslighting, can be a more subtle sign of what could be an abusive relationship. And it's far more common than you think.
In this video, I'm going to help you see the signs, symptoms and signals of what to look out for so you can avoid an abusive relationship, and in my next video I'll share strategies on how you can safely exit an abusive relationship if you are already in one.
Please know that you are not alone. Don’t let your fear or shame stop you from saving yourself. There are many professionals who deal with abusive situations every day who will believe you and will understand how to help you change your situation.
By identifying and understanding the signs of abuse right now, you can prevent yourself from ever being in an abusive relationship. Or if you see any of these early signs in your relationship now, you can get out before it escalates.
One of the early indicators of potential abuse that I discuss in this video include your partner always watching you. Keeping too close an eye on where you are at all times, or invading your privacy by going through your phone, email, mail, purse or pockets, etc.
Another sign that you want to out look for is if you're in a fight or you're doing something they don't like, they will threaten to harm themselves or kill themselves. This is a way that they can basically coerce you emotionally into submission. Be aware that that is an extremely manipulative thing to do.
Abusive behavior tends to escalate, so another sign is them hurting you in ways that they pretend are playful, like pinching you, holding you too hard or leaving marks on your body that are easy to cover up. If you being in pain isn’t enough for them to stop, they might be an abusive partner.
I go through many more signs of abuse in this video, and I will do a follow-up to this about how to safely leave a controlling and/or abusive relationship.
Please download the full Cheat Sheet: 10 Signs of an Abusive Relationship now so you can be aware of these indicators: terricole.com/10-signs-abusiv...
For more information about abusive relationships or to seek help now, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org/ and 1-800-799-7233.
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Introduction to different types of abuse
4:09 - The Signs of An Abusive Relationship
13:02 - An example of gaslighting
14:26 - The importance of leaving as soon as you see these red flags
Related Videos:
How to Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship - • How to safely leave an...
Spot Emotional Abuse Plus Safety Tips - • Spot Emotional Abuse P...
What Is Gaslighting? How to Avoid Mental Manipulation and Emotional Abuse - • What is Gaslighting? H...
Spot Emotional Manipulation - A Narcissist's Favorite Tool - • Spot Emotional Manipul...
ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
Facebook: www.terricole.com/fb
Instagram: www.terricole.com/ig
Terri Cole: www.terricole.com
RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricolerealloverevolution #abusiverelationships #relationshipexpert #terricoleshow - Zábava
I JUST ended it with my husband. He’s such an abuser he was in shock when I ended it. - they never think we’re going to stand up for ourselves.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and cheering you on for taking your power back! Sending you strength, mama!!
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM you’re such a BLESSED mother figure to me, Terri. Thank you so very much! He’s addicted to pornography. Is this related also to aggression?
Congratulations to you. Same here after 26 years.
Yes mine too! 2.5 weeks ago I served him with a domestic violence protection order because of how abusive emotionally and manipulative he was. He was blind sided. Cuz i have put up with it for the 4 years. He does blame me for all his reactions. If I would do this or that he wouldn't be like this. I told him all the time that how he reacts is all on him. Everything you're saying is my husband 100% (about the manipulation tactics)
Good for you. Stay strong.
So happy to be single and healthy!!
It's sad when you still sometimes miss the person who inflicted all the abuse lol
Sad but very human, Luke. Thanks for being here.
i hate i miss him ,,i think its just my home i miss not his stupid self,,
Let it go long enough , after 20 yrs flow by ull know
zahra why not do better
It's pretty sick isn't it how someone who could do you so terrible you still love em it's a bad place to be
Constant arguing during the honeymoon phase!!! Red flag!!
Yes! Huge red flag!
🤦🏽♀️
Yes indeed! My ex of 3 months had anger issues and was verbally abusive towards me. She ended our relationship.
my husband is so upset im even watching these videos that hes sleeping in another room tonight
I hope you leave him as soon as possible.
Please investigate very carefully why he is behaving this way because it could very well be a chemical imbalance that he has no control over. I've been struggling with my husband for more than 2 years now and was preparing to leave him but I just can't because I do love him and then this morning he revealed to me that he is very ill with fatty liver disease and he's been pushing me away because he knows he won't be with me long enough to take care of me as I am physically disabled coupled with a traumatic brain injury sine 2006. This is why he wanted my son to take over becoming my legal "guardian". I thought he was just trying to blow me off. OH GOD!
He wont change
Gee ... I wonder why! When I was living with my ex narc gf, I was reading articles about NPD often ..she ultimately had so little interest in me she didn’t even ask what I was reading .. which was fine .. but it was weird to be reading an article about gaslighting when a partner is engaged in gaslighting at that moment in time
@@kimmclean5966 This sounds like manipulation, manipulation that worked apparently. I hope you are okay now.
Condescending eye rolling or they break your stuff, kick the wall out..more signs
I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years I’m so grateful for these kinds of videos , it was emotional and verbal.
Me too I almost gave in. Still forcing my self to play the tape all the way thru.
My ex husband checked all 10 boxes, lucky I managed to get out before he killed me or I killed myself. The gift is I now support other women heal from unresolved trauma including the root in adverse childhood experiences and being on in the nervous system modulation and secure attachment. Sadly he went on to repeatedly do the same thing to other women. Love your work so needed to raise awareness that women can get out of abusive relationships. Love you Terri
Right on Sarah-Jane! Keep up the great work mama xoxox
Sarah-Jane Farrell well, both men and women need help in such cases.
I surely am surprised how many women ( oh and men!!) Are telling my story almost exactly. More importantly thier telling m3 my future if I go back to this narcissist verbally and just started physically abuser. Im blessed to had got an apartment in a somewhat secure building. My next door neighbor threatens him to call cops I don't awnser and I pretend I'm no home. Also he isn't allowed on property via verbal warning from my landlord. It's been 2 weeks last night was tough because he left a sweet note and engagement ring. So so happy I saw Terri podcast so blessed to see my future if I go back. Love my pioneer women and men s testimony. It helps
It took me 6 years to decide to finally leave my abusive spouse. He is in jail this weekend due to domestic violence.
Congratulations, Shelem!! Now onto building a beautiful life for yourself, mama ;) Thanks for being here.
Stability is key. Follow the signs. Thanks for sharing.
Shelem Pruchnik hope you are ok x
Shelem Pruchnik Good for you that you left! It took me about 5 yrs (3 yrs after he was arrested and had a mandatory restraining order against him) to finally leave. 5 plus yrs of being told that I am not worth it, that I am his problem and that I should just ‘shut the f-k up and act like a woman’ to get through to him, or how if I had done what he wanted in the time frame that he demanded he wouldn’t have insulted me or yelled at me, and how I am to blame for his yelling and swearing at me! Of course the only type of intimacy he ever truly allowed was physical but never true emotional intimacy no matter how hard I tried to encourage him to be more emotionally vulnerable with me. When he saw me reading a book on how to disarm a narcissist he became irate with me and ignored me for a week (which happened quite often). At first I cried but after two yrs I made the mistake of confronting him & standing up for myself which he couldn’t stand and of course just lead to more verbal fights which just escalated over time until it ruined us completely. Of course he is still the charmer and people love to go out with him and enjoy his company and think that he is wonderful! Now I am trying to rebuild my self confidence and make a new life for myself.
@@taltalim18 help
Thank you so much, I needed to hear this message today so I can save my children and myself from the man who's become a terrorist in our own home, living in fear, walking in egg shells so he won't break everything I own or destroy our apartment. Packing up as of now, and heading to your video on leaving, thank you so much
I'm sending you strength and protection. I am cheering you on and witnessing your courage.
Summer Sunshine - I hope you made it out safely. I wish you well. I had to do the same many many years ago. So I can relate.
This is all very true. I've been in an abusive relationship for 20 years..it doesn't get better. Trying to get out now.
Just sick and tired of the character assassination! There is no peace!
Michelle,
Sometimes in this life we have to MAKE + TAKE our own peace. I am sending you strength and courage to choose you, mama ;)
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Thank You! ❤️
My experience has been being blamed for THEIR mistakes and the alcohol abuse making everything 10 times worse. Yes, the "you made me do this", so many people believe this when they hear it over and over. Sad sad sad.
OMG! I am the Empath; she is the Narc. For 50 years! I’m so ashamed. Thank gawd for you. With your help, I will recover. Tears and hugs, John
I am in abusive relationship right now and I want to get out
me too .. wishing it was as easy as saying please leave, and they go away. ugh..
Crush a Tylenol PM into his breakfast then run like I did.
@@dustydarrius5318 💡
Same here!
Same here!
Get out and never look back!!!
You just described my 20 yr marriage to my narc ex-husband. The horrible gaslighting nearly killed me.... literally.
I wanted to die. I was married 19 years. I have been away for seven months and I can’t believe that I feel happy for the first time in my life.
Denise - I am happy for you too. I got away from my abuser many years ago. Life got better for me too. It was hard financially, but I felt so much better. And I made some new friends and had many good times!
You poor soul anyone who was in a relationship for 20 years of abuse 😢. I can not wrap my mind of what you went though. Take care.
Each and every word is true pls all beautiful people away from this kind of relationship. It is really toxic.
wow thank you so much for this video. just got out of an abusive relationship and my this video shocked me... my abuser displayed almost all these symptoms exactly. keep spreading awareness
Thank you for pointing out men who are being abused. I love my gf, but she’s very abusive. I’ve been held hostage with a knife, mentally tortured, etc. I’m in danger, but I don’t know how to leave.
I am so sorry to hear about your painful situation. Here is a website that has some good information about how to leave safely www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-men-who-are-being-abused.htm . There are also hotline numbers at the bottom of their homepage for you to be able to talk to a professional and get the support you need. Wishing you strength and protection and hope you choose you.
Any friends that could help you? If you could maybe to go off on holiday somewhere alone to give yourself time to think. Just an idea. I wish you the strength to put yourself first and get out. God bless
Hey how are things doing now?
I started refusing to drive anymore because every time I was behind the wheel and he was a passenger he would make out like I was driving wrong and I couldn't figure out what I was doing so wrong. and he would say hunny are you Ok? What's with the driving.. so I just refused to drive anymore because according to him I didn't know how. and he always acted like he was my driver ed teacher or something.. yet nobody else complains when I drive...
Carla,
Rather than quit driving maybe call him out on his passive aggressive communication. If you know you can drive then don't stop. If he says, "honey are you ok?" while you are driving you might reply," yep, I'm fine. If you have something to say I would really appreciate you being kind and direct."
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution thank you for your reply. I only had refused to drive when he was with me and just let him drive. I still drive.. but we are broken up now. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I feel it's best to let that relationship rest due to a lot of other things including his mental abuse to both me and my son.
Sooooooo happy to hear it, Carla!! Take care of you and your son, mama ;)
Carla H. Omg your comment I just read and I thought that I was the only one experiencing that same situation wow. My guy did the exact same thing it made me soooo mad I told him if u wanna be a driver's ed teacher then u should of been but not in my car u won't I told him get a grip if u dontblike my driving then get out and walk jive Turkey
Nobody else complained about my driving either just him he was crazy and a stooge. I had to let him go he was also like the child I never had which was evil cuz I've never had a evil child. Now I get y he was doing it it's a form of gaslighting me omg smch
Carla H. that is big..clear sign of abuse.retaliate or avoid these person.
Thanks Terri. I love your sweet, soothing voice. You calm me down. Thanks for bringing awareness into the world.
Thank YOU for being here and saying such kind words!
I've been in toxic friendships just like this and I certainly learned from them. If anyone approaches me trying to control what I do, who I talk to, or trying to tell me how I should spend my money or reasons why I should leave my family then I'll go ghost and run.
Told me to "grow up" and quit "acting pathetic." Said I am dreaming my life away, acting like a 9 year old, I'm acting like a "baby." Said maybe they should "stop caring." Said "if you want my attention do something useful with your time and life" and "you can't wait around for me to say something or dream your life away" and "quit whining and feeling sorry for yourself" and "start doing useful stuff with your life."
Literally all things my mom's said to me at some point in my life sadly... :(
Well I mean, Sometimes people need a kick to the butt to change themselves. If you are whining and feel all the time sorry for yourself you should change. If you don't change you life will be miserable even without a person telling you this all the time. I wouldn't be able to live with a whiny person like this, so I hope he left you before it got violent. I don't say he is right, because I don't know how your situation really is, but maybe you should check if he IS right. Because if all you do is contributing nothing to your life together and complain without doing something for you partner in return it's understandable that he says something to you. And if you don't have a job please get one. No one likes to work fulltime and pay for a lazy, still complaining person.
"Squeezing you too tight and it hurts you", "Leaving marks that clothes will cover". Yes! I wasn't sure if this was abuse, and I had asked the person to please be gentle, and he would react by saying in a toddler-type voice, "BUT I WANT TO SQUEEZE AND PRESS ON YOU!".
Now you good instincts are validated! And a reply to that toddler's voice might be, "But I don't want you to because YOU ARE HURTING ME! So STOP...RIGHT NOW or I am leaving." Thank you for sharing here with us.
Yes this one i never knew about! My husband hurts me really bad and pretends it was an accident and refuses to apologise. Once he fell with his knees on my back while i was sleeping on my tummy on a mattress on the floor. I screamed and i was crying i was in so much pain and all he said was stop making a fuss I didn’t do it on purpose. I had this gut feeling that he did though.
That’s beyond sick and he knew exactly what he was doing!!
Few times he has kicked me in his sleep, he said sorry after I screamed. In the morning he said he doesn't remember anything.
You helped save my life thank you
GOSH... you've opened my eyes ,thnx
Thanks! After 24 years of putting up with it, I realised that this is what she is doing.
Thank you so much for your insightful and much needed coaching and input!
I'm so glad this resonated for you, Jennifer!
wow. very well said. Denial of reality. Ty.
You're so welcome, Karen! xo
You are a lovely speaker. Very enlightening to one's soul. Thank you.
Aw thanks so much pal!
Im a male and I suffer from abuse verbal emotional relation.
I'm witnessing you. Abuse can happen to anyone. I'm sending you strength and compassion.
Thank you...this made everything clear
You're welcome. I'm sending you compassion, my dear.
I love that Terri said abuse is when you must live in fear of the angry outbursts used to keep you in line. I learned to say Wow, you seem so angry and observe it rather than absorb it. I have chosen not to be around that anymore.
He blames everything on me, and tells me not to play the victim. He calls me names, and he gaslights me. He tells me I’m crazy and sick in the head, and he tells me I create fake scenarios. I feel trapped 😢
I'm witnessing you with compassion. You deserve much better than that. Healthy love does not do that. Please find a support whether it's the abuse hotline or friends and family who can help you get out. You matter.
Look up npto ,your partner sounds like a narsisist
Thank you for your amazing video you have no idea how mach you help me! I was totally in denial and yes doing and react exactly the way you describe towards his behavior... thank you for helping all the woman's who really need a wake up call, for the simple reason of not knowing about this common fact today and who knows for how long in history this have being happening. My blessings for your amazing work❣️✨🙏🌸🙏
Such a good video. i wish I had seen it sooner when I lived in such relationship, I´m lucky to have come out of it! I pray this reaches more who need to see the signs, and hopefully early enough to get out, to get help, in a early stage.
Thank you for this
Wow this was a eye opening thing !! This is me in my relationship
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Please be safe and take care of yourself.
Myyyy Goddd you have just described my relationship. I was with him for almost five years. We just broke up a few days ago.
Good for you, Liz! Now time to focus on YOU and understanding what happened in that relationship so you don't repeat it. Thank you for being here with us!
Thanks for your advice
I question it all the time! Thank you so.much for the great video
I'm so glad it was helpful 💕
I need help 😢 i’ve been in an abusive marriage for 17 years. I tried to leave many many times but i always go back. For once i just wanna leave and never turn back. Why is it so hard? 😢😢
Because the relationship chips at your self esteem and self belief. You can do this.
You've been conditioned by the abuser.
I hope you made it out! !!! How are you, any updates? You're valuable beyond measure, sending you love!!
U have a trauma bond ... it gets better after leaving
It’s hard at first but gets easier
Abusive people are controlling ,condescending,and are always telling you you are wrong or crazy when in reality they are abusive and ratchet,,Don't put up with this behavior who needs that crap,Believe what a person does to you always trying to tell you what to do!. so you won't do what's best for.you....
Thank u so much for this ! It has all the stuff ive had said to me! Or done to me
Best comment I ever saw went along these lines "The first sign that You may be in an abusive relationship is if you're searching for these kinds of videos. Trust your instincts." And afterwards delete your cache and browsing history.💐💐💐
Thank you for sharing!!
I keep daily journals on my life. If things are going south in my relationship I review my journals . The truth is hard to be delusionsl about when you read it. I make decisions based on facts , not memories.. Saved me many times from romanticizing the reality of a destructive patterns.
Journaling about it is a great idea 💕
Thank you for this video! This video was very helpful to me! Thank you!
I'm so glad to hear it, thank you for being here!
Thank you for these videos! I'm trying to get out soon
I'm holding space for you, Tammy. Thank you for being here ❤️
I'd like to add 2 things: 1- if you're acting in a way that you never act, I mean if you're bending your own morals and behaving badly and think its BC of your partner, that could also be a sign. And 2- if you're watching this video that's likely a sign
I just came across your channel. Thank you! I’m at a crossroads; I filed for an annulment; he is still in the home, has children from another marriage - has an upcoming court date for visitation, etc. His verbal abuse has escalated and he uses my position as leverage to gain more from the ex-spouse. I’m not sure if I should notify the court that we are dissolving our marriage and he will be evicted from my home. He makes scenes in front of or uses his minor children as witnesses to his verbal abuse towards me. I’m trying to keep sane.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. What do YOU need to be healthy mentally and emotionally? Take care of yourself first.
Oh my God!! This resonates so badly with ...I am feeling like loosing myself
You are so lovely. I get the childhood injuries. I really have just experienced a lot of abuse and now I can trace it back
Holding space for you with so much compassion, Margaret ❤️
Thank you for this video... I feel less alone. I'm trying to get out of one. He was so nice at the beggining, i was his world and slowly the remarks, insult, the jalousy started. he made me feel guylty for everything,, i was stupid and useless (according to him) and the next day i was the most beautiful and amazing person he ever met. He told me about his sad childhood and everything his ex did to him and cried. My work was shit and he could gave me what i earned in a day so why work? because i worked with doctors so it must be because i was trying to marry one! He offered me gifts (even when i told no!!! please!!) and later told me "after the money i spent for you, you're doing this or saying that". i spent a year walking on egg shell, i was afraid of his reaction. i drive to work everyday and came pick me at the enf of the day. i asked him to stop, i just needed a little of "me" time and he started yelling, telling me i was hiding something and later say i was the reason he spent so much money on gas. he hated my family and my friends because of their better upbringing or religion etc.. he started to be violent early in the relation, i left him and i was stupid to go back when he promess he has changed. i became crazy when i wanted to leave and he didnt let me. he said i'am not keeping you in the house, you can go see you friend but the minute i was out he started and argument just to ruin my night. right now i am not with him but i steel talk to him. i am afraid the minute i defenitly stop i will go crazy and come to my work and make a scene or executing his threats about my family. i start to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel ... I am perfecctly aware i need to see a therapist for working on the reasons why i felt in it in the first place... thanks to everybody for telling yous stories. And sorry for the poor english!!!!
You are not alone. I am witnessing you with compassion. Thank you so much for sharing your story here. You have some great insight in yourself, and I recommend you re-read what you wrote and I think it will have some clues to your next steps. Sending you strength and protection.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and expertise!
✌❤🌎
❤️❤️
Its rlly painful when u've gone back to them so many times, now that i'm finally away from them i feel empty, as much as there were bad times there were times where i've never laughed or smiled so much in my life, they grew up abused, and they reanacted the same abuse they took onto me. Ik their not good for me but this is 1 of the hardest things i've had to do. The cycle's been repeating they mess up, apologize then promise they'll get better and they never do. I've even seeked help and found no help, I've tried cutting them off but always go back cuz i feel the only time i was ever happy was with them, it feels so shit man😔
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Is it really happiness if it comes with so much pain over and over again? It is not ok to take out someone's past on you. You deserve healthy love, and you deserve to be treated with respect which includes being in a relationship without fear of abuse.
I absolutely agree. I went to that type of relationship. And I sad to myself no. Thats not love! He is controlling me. I tried to explain him what he is doing to me but he said things like then find someone who doesn't care or it's because I love you and so on. No, love should not be painful and sad. I was in depression and I told myself enough. Love yourself and let it go. That's not what you want. :) u deserve better. I would never ever do this things to my boyfriend. Never. Be yourself. Be free. Meet new people(girls to-I trust you and you know how to behave with them). Wear whatever u want. I would never sad don't war this or that.. because other girl will whatch u. Or why did you put that lipstick when u are not with me.. that other guys can flirt with u.. or why do u go there with your family instead of me? Oh god .. so stressful. And everything is my fault. Of course. And why do I have this shoes they are ugly. Haha I didn't want to play by his rules so he was constantly" you made me do this, Im do because of u.-he was cold and at the beginning he was to clingy too much oh I wanted to slow down but he had fear what if I meet some other guy. Like omg.... oh I am so happy and free now. I tried to help him. But he doesn't see it. That he has a problem.
You are very powerful and beautiful. ❤💪Thanks for sharing this video with us.❤
You are so welcome, Daria. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story here with us. I am so happy you are FREE! Vow- never again, mama ;)
I am glad to know I am not alone !! Friends/Family usually think domestic abuse is not real and people need to educate themselves more about this !!
Sofialovinglife. I agree with u!
Thank you
There are way too many domestic abuse murders to happen for it not to be a real thing.
great tips👍
TY TY
That's scary to hear that this is so prevalent thing that happens today
You're welcome. Yes, it's very sad. We must continue to advocate for ourselves and take care of ourselves. No one has to accept this kind of behavior in their life.
Good advice.
Wow literally resonated with everything you said besides the children part
Thank you for being here, I see you.
This is so true. We as women do ignore the red flags because they are ALWAYS there. I did and if I would have paid a little more attention I would have not went through what I went through. My ex did everything she said. He would manipulate, verbally abuse me, try to turn me against my best friend, would restrain me by covering up my mouth and shaking me then saying oh I didn't hit you or black your eye so that isn't abuse, threatened me, paid someone to hack my phone, even popped up places causing a huge scene. This type of toxic behavior is not worth it and we cannot stay in denial or think that we can somehow change this person. You will ultimately put yourself or others in danger trying to do so. GET OUT AND STAY OUT!
I use to feel like I wasn’t getting abused cause he wasn’t punching me or leaving black eyes etc… but looking back it was abuse… near the end there was a couple times he slapped me and would cover my mouth or restrain me in arguments not to leave… but he was perfect in the beginning… it’s sad how things changed but your right… the signs are always there… now I’m learning how not to be codependent and learn to be whole again
Oh dear, more signes that I didn’t know about. Gas lighting, pretending things never happened, or we never talked about something just a few days before. Hurting me physically and pretending i was an accident when it is quiet unbelievable.
wow.... thank you. I got out just in time.
This video really helped me. I’m a 20yr old female was dating a 22 yr male. I kept giving him chances but it kept getting worse. It would be goin good for awhile then bam he flips about small things & brings up old shit. Gets furious and Yells in my face pushes me, grabs my face and arms. I kept thinking he would change and we love each other. And these random outburst of him yelling in my face being aggressive would stop. But it was the last straw because his mom had to step in and tell him to stop yelling and to give me my stuff. He kept blame me for him getting mad and that everything was my fault. That I was the crazy one. I told him he was abusive. He would laugh and say I don’t give u black eyes. But he would hurt me in other ways. Grab me aggressive. Yell in my face to the point where he’s spitting. I tired to tell him in the nicest way that he has anger issues But obviously that didn’t go well. We were together on and off a 1 yr and 6 months. I finally had a reality check and woke up one morning and said what am I doing. That’s not love. He should know not to put his hands on me no matter what even if he’s not leaving bruises. I’m picking up my laptop and clothes from him tomorrow. My mom has history of being in violent relationships before I was born. she would tell me about my siblings fathers and I would say to myself I would never let that happened to me. That I know my worth and value. But I got to the point where I was like maybe this is the love I deserve. I lost myself confidence and love. I thought I wasn’t going to find anyone better.
that tells you right there that he has a problem
My ex always said I was the problem. He never took responsibility for his bad behavior. Never apologized or said he was sorry. Made life miserable for the kids and me. Well, guess what? I found out later he was a trouble maker at work AND he took his big bad self, ego, meanness and violence, into marriage #2. So wife #2 has to deal with it now. She even calls our son when she is "hysterical". She then found out what she really got, and its not a prize.
I am so HURT by my husband.. he is so mean and abandon me 3 years in a row. He has left me no food, phone , even for dead. I love him but he is having affairs and mocking me and laughing at me. HE HAS BROKE MY HEART. LOVE AND RESPECT FOR MYSELF. I KNOW I YELL BACK AND HAVE BEEN PHYSICAL AS WELL BUT MOST IS DEFENSE against THIS..
TO BE IGNORED, LAUGHED at AND BEAT DOWN mentally and emotionally is scary and I'm sad and depressed all the time
Please save yourself and get out. What you are describing is dysfunctional and abusive "love". It doesn't have to hurt like that. I am sending you strength and courage to choose you.
You are important to. You mean do much to the world there is only one you don't allow yourself to be smothered by a leech that will drain you of anything good you have to offer yourself and the world please people realise your worth I saw my mum dead on a mortuary slab and that just shoves you in to reality live YOUR life to the best you deserve it .... I'm begging you my mum died at 63 pancreatic cancer within a year you can live and enjoy your life.
You need to get out of this relationship
You're so brave :)
What about sexual denial, rejection, and control in marriage and exclusive relationships?
They don't want to be with you, and they withhold affection, but they don't want you having sex outside the relationship either. Some will insist that even masturbation is cheating. We need to have an open dialogue about this as a common form of emotional abuse for both men and women.
Yes, forms of manipulation and control can also be abusive. Thank you for sharing.
thank you.
If someone loves you , would they let you get into a difficult and embarrassing situation as and when it is happening? I remember my husband watching me becoming drunk and emotional and he was smirking .Now I am well,I resent this and I would have taken the lead and left the situation and helped him in something that has now become irreparable .I recognize my situation ,I am not mad . I , fortunately have lovely friends ,thank you x
I just know how this destroys you as a person from childhood trauma to the person you thought loved you becoming so verbally/emotionally abusive that u only see your first abusers face in his.
I'm witnessing you with deep compassion. I hope you are safe now and taking care of yourself.
Thank u...
soooooooo true!!!!!!!
I'm crying😭
I have seen some of these signs now and I'm not sure if I'm being sensitive or imagining things, as I have been through a previous abusive relationship. The sarcastic remarks and put downs are more shallow than cutting, but they happen a lot and are excused as "you just don't get my humor" Like meaningless stuff like ' I told you to get a better phone, you should've have got that one", " why are you complaining about your food, you should've tried this", it's endless but I'm not sure if this is abuse because he says I'm just joking, you're so sensitive and "are you really going to get upset over a phone?" When it's really not that at all it's the statements and what ensues after I don't get the joke. Then he starts with the snotty and hurtful remarks stating I heard him wrong. I feel crazy, when I used to be so strong and confident! Although I won't get into all the details, I have a suspicion that I'm going through emotional and mental abuse. I can't ever bring up any issues like spending too much or asking him to speak more respectfully, or asking for help around the house. Because everytime I bring up any issue it's my fault. He says I like drama and causing trouble, or I just complain about everything and I'm never happy. Not once has he taken responsibility or been really apologetic. He brings up 5 million things I've done wrong in the past. I try to keep the conversation focused but he twists it on me until I either yell or I'm exhausted. Can anything ever help us??? I'm attending therapy but can couples therapy do anything?
Can you become abusive if you are abused? I don't like who I have become because of it. Normally I'm pretty level headed and calm but when I'm repeatedly told I'm heartless and don't care I get frustrated because i continue to point out and it hurts my feelings but I still get told it regularly. I them lash out and I'm ashamed of it
Meghan,
You can turn to abusive behavior or language if you are triggered -if you have an abuse background. Learning new ways of expressing yourself and dealing with your own anger head on in therapy can really help. since you are the boss of you, DECIDE that you will not be abusive and then do everything in your power to make that happen. I am so happy you are here with with me.
get out and take care of yourself!
Oh dear Megan! Hope your journey through recovery is going well.
Since, it has almost been a year since your post, I pray that you have found the peaceful and emotionally liberating ability let yourself tell the world who you are, instead of the people around you telling you who you are. Guaranteed that's always smear campaigning And projection. Gaslighting 101.
And just on a logical note, I'm pretty sure you're not heartless, because you care enough to question and research ways for you to get through the situation. If you care enough to be concerned I'm pretty sure you're not heartless. Me thinks if you listen closely, every time their lives move Lies come out. I have learned to cut that nonsense out of my life.
Once, I took back my power and no longer let them hold the buttons to push. I have found being no residual supply for them, they no longer really have a need for communication, because I'm going to speak my truth every time I'm around them. I think the epidemic of silence as going to come to an end, soon. Meaning there are lovely ladies, beautiful souls and really strong men out there, who already are not going to keep it quiet, anymore.
I believe the most complicated lesson that I've learned is the toxic shame marked on me young in life. Once, I accepted what was my baggage and what I really didn't have to deal with. somebody else telling me what that was and what I need to be ashamed of and feeling guilty about. And I did that through a whole lot of journaling and a lot of couch time, too. the biggest kick in the teeth there, is the people telling us what we should feel, in regards to guilt and shame, absolutely cannot experience guilt or shame. They are incapable of it. My feelings of guilt and shame come from an internal place, and they go to me "telling the world who I am” not the other way around. If I do something and it makes me feel some kind of way. I'm going to really work hard not to do that. it's called, I think, our moral compass
And the irony of it, is everything I thought it was, or the directions I was receiving the negativity from, truly was not where it started....!! I was very surprised within the epiphany, heartbroken, too!!
but here I am amazing, just like you. Take care
I feel the same way, because iwent through child abuse and marriage abuse but sometimes I feel like I'm scared maybe ihv turn to be something else please help
Ask yourself .. who is saying these things to you and do they have an agenda ... I actually can’t imagine saying such things to someone else because if it was true ... I’d avoid them as much as possible
Very Good Video Terri, my wife of 21 years definitely has NPD. I need some advice, I am more concerned about my children.
John,
I understand your concern. Please learn as much as you can about how to protect your kids from the impact of your wife. There is so much good info on the internet - knowledge is power. Sending you strength and thank you for being here with us.
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Thank you Terri
You look like Leann Rimes..
Yes and is it she
Oh my gosh. it's called gaslighting. TY.
Great video. To help with the, yes it happened to men too, I wish I saw a lot of these signs before the damage was done by more than one woman. Btw. I came to this video after watching another creator where more subtle signs of emotional abuse creep in and often aren’t even recognized. I think you’d be good at putting something like that out if you haven’t already.
Thank you, and I am so sorry to hear that you've experienced this. ❤️
I have two videos that speak to emotional abuse:
Beware of these common manipulation tactics: czcams.com/video/XOQDvsK5qcA/video.html
Spotting emotional abuse: czcams.com/video/EzdjnHXXSdE/video.html
Sharedddd....
My husband is a typical emotional abuser. Unfortunately we have little baby so I still hang in here and it’s been for 2years.I know I have to finish this relationship but plz give me some real advice when kid involve in this.Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.
My advice to do whatever it is you need to do to protect your child from being emotionally abused. That's it. Because you know if he does it to youHe will eventually do it to the child. Sending you strength and courage.
Fell sorry for you and kid, but it is better for the kid to not be around abuse. Just saying I went thru it. My kids mom refused to help out in the household. She would not at least even clean or keep a part time job. Pray for you.
“You so much want to not deal with what you need to do to get out of this relationship”... wow. Hit a nail on the head for me in understanding what a friend is going through. Thank you.
Mine was so blind sided when, 2.5 weeks ago, I served him with a domestic violence protection order because of how abusive emotionally and manipulative he was. He was blind sided. Cuz i have put up with it for the 4 years. He does blame me for all his reactions. If I would do this or that he wouldn't be like this. I told him all the time that how he reacts is all on him. Everything you're saying is my husband 100% (about the manipulation tactics). He was always controlling the money, then he got mad when I didn't know how much money we had. I always asked permission before I spent. He is/was awful. I have told him things days before and he acted like I never told him. He gaslighted me all the time. I'm sick of the control and I am done. Also now I hear through other people that now he's willing to go to counseling BUT as long as it's not court ordered. It's what the hell, number 1, I don't want to be with you, number 2, you are not in a position to be negotiating anything.
If you are feeling your partner might be cheating on you, but there's no definite evidence. You're faced with two alternatives seek out the facts, or to turn a blind eye. Selecting the first choice, although often suitable in the short term, is incredibly damaging for your personally, But for your children and family, not only in the long run too. Seeking the truth out isn't simple either as I mentioned before, technology had made infidelity much easier to conceal than in the past, however it also provides opportunities for revealing getting the evidence needed to establish them & affairs. I hate cheaters, my husband never gave me a reason to be suspicious until I found him and her colleague at a romantic restaurant. They told me it was work stuff but something wasn't right. I was worried until I was introduced to darkebprohack who offer Remote Installation to the his device, They build a web Dashboard for monitoring, 24x7 monitoring (Live GPS), They also gave me full access into the Social apps (Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc. There service is 100 % Anonymous, SHA-256 Encrypted Data, They also recover all Deleted Messages and Data you can contact via gmail ultimatehack003@gmail,com or whatsapp +17202954268 wishing you the best
You're definitely describing my relationship. He is emotionally and financially abusive to the point where he won't let me drive or work. I haven't worked for the entirety of my relationship, and I got with him super young, so no work experience. He won't let me leave though and I need the boxes to pack.
I am so sorry to hear that. I hope there is some way you can leave safely ❤️ Try checking out the resources listed in the description of the video as they may have more ideas.
Still chilling to watch videos like these and think “yup, yup, did that, did that too…”
Im working on escaping just a couple weeks to go i cant wait to ve out
I am cheering you on ❤️
They all thought I am/was crazy. I share custody with my ex’s family because of it. Of course they are abusive to me... how do I escape this
Thank u
When I saw your face, I was instantly reminded of LeeAnn Rhimes. I just thought I'd let you know that. Now back to the video. Im a victim of emotional abuse, verbal abuse for 30 years. I'm now divorcing this evil manipulator.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad you're leaving the abuse behind. Take care of yourself. I'm sending you strength and protection
Barb H - good for you! I endured the same for years until I had a chance to escape. He made life tough even after, but at least we had peace in the home. My kids and I "thrived" after that. It wasn't easy, but it was sane. I wish you the best! Enjoy the rest of your life!
My ex tried to isolate me and was very clingy. He always criticized people I tried to be friendly with. Whenever we went shopping, he always followed me around while I browsed through the stores. It was impossible for me to shop in solitude and peace! And he was very unfriendly and standoffish with my aunt, her husband, and their children when he met them for the first time. While I was laughing and socializing with them, he sat in the distance and was taciturn and surly. I was so glad to get the hell away from him!
I feel I am in a abusive relationship even though its not physical but after watching your video sure tells me I am.... I have felt I've been in one for a long time....and can't seem to leave.
Niko,
Get help please and save yourself years of pain and suffering. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Verbal and emotional abuse are just as traumatizing as physical abuse and even harder to identify. I am glad you are here and hope my channel will help you.
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution Thank you Terri....it is helping. Its hard I get made to feel guilty even I try....but there are some good moments that I can't say all are bad. 14 yr friendship makes harder...2 years and 2 months together...I often wonder if I'm a puppet or lost...but again I truly thank you for your words and will keep watching your vids when I get time.
Niko Hansen what you said at the end of your sentence is so telling! You have felt that you are in a toxic or abusive relationship for a long time! Your gut won't lie to you like that! And not for that long. Chances are if you have felt this way for a while, you're right. This is advice I wish I'd taken in the past. I just wanna slap myself for staying with certain guys in the past after they had done more than enough to show what kinda person they were. And then usually in the end it blows up in my face. And even though deep down inside I knew I deserved better and wasn't being treated right ... It's like I was waiting for him to push it to a certain point and get extreme about it, so I felt justified in being angry. Anyways long story short, if you feel like you're not being treated right, you probably aren't. I spent too long seeking justification that I really was the one being treated wrong and now I see how twisted my mindset had become
Thank you +Emily Meatball I get to the where I have actually left but have kept coming back...some have asked "why if I am unhappy do I keep coming back?" I said I don't know maybe I am a sucker for punishment. I again at the same end up at that certain point where I ask myself that question others have asked "why?".... I am not sure I have a full on answer but its nice and sort of helps from other people.
stramge how easily they manipulate and shame . v unfortunate to realise so late, that it is not the victim but the abuser who shud feel ashamed!
Agreed!
My current bf is emotionally, verbally and spiritually abusive.. he has not hit me. But he has physically held onto me when I needed to take a break from a fight.. (I go for a walk when I get too heated, so I don't say something I'll regret) and he held onto me.. I told him to let me go, he didn't.. I was about to hit him to get him to let me go because I felt in danger.. but I am NOT a violent person.. I got him to let go of me by saying "You're going to be just like your father!".. everything is my fault in this relationship.. everything you are saying reminds me of him. I also am abusive, I am working on it.. I have told him "I cant be in a relationship, I need to work on myself".. I'm abusive because of my narc mom. I got away and cut her off. I'm in counselling and he is not. He practically twisted my arm to buying a new tv when I already have 2.. he does not live with me. Hes here 5/7 days. I have no problem with my last tv. So, instead of getting food... I got a tv so he would shut up and stop moping.. now I am broke and have NO food for the month.. also.. "I respect your house, just not your mental illnesses"... "It would be extremely easy to find a better, more loving, more normal girlfriend" me "then find her" him "but I won't, because I love you"... he agreed to bi weekly couples counselling.. 10 more days until we go. I am not bringing it up to him. If he actually loves me, he'll remember to do this, for the relationship, right? He tries to convince me he loves me but hes broken up with me 10 times in the last 8 months.. only comes around for $€× or marijuana.. I feel used and I need out before he hits me.. he threw a piece of bread at my face.. said it was a joke.. I told him "never throw anything at me ever again." And guess what.. didnt apolojize or pick up the piece of bread.. had 7 jobs last 10 months.. lost all in like
What's making me so much pain is when that person doesn't even care anymore wether you think he is abusing you and you just don't say anything because he kick you all the time everyday every time I disagree of what he says. And he knows you don't know where to go and so he does everything he likes and he doesn't care because he knows you don't know where your going. And remind you how much money he spent for you and that he was doing everything and call you stupid, idiot, lazy, and ask you what have you done for him????
:(
I am concern that there is no sign of physical abuse at all but (constant passive control like calling names hippo fat, humiliate in front of other, checking financial expense even a cup of coffee, degrading you every time as looser, checking emails, Facebook and messages, when I told he snores but did not trust me for long time but when we were camping one of his friend told he snores then he only realised from his friend, constant checking from other then calling straight) am I on toxic relationship or am I denying abusive relationship since10 year of marriage relationship
Am going through this right now😭😭
Me too honey
Same
thank youi
This was the entirety of my 20 plus year marriage. He took off and filed and divorced me . The worst part is our children. If I say no to anything he demands or requests, he will use it for when I need something for the kids and say no to them saying "well if your mother would be more flexible with me then maybe you could... sick f*ck!
I'm not sure where you're from or located, but that could be emotional, psychological and financial abuse on the kids.
Triangulation and parental alienation is a real thing.
Learn the laws in your area front to back up and down back and forth. Let your lawyer talk to him! you don't have to deal with him. Grey Rock his ass! if you have to communicate with him it's only by text or emails that way everything is in writing. if you have to have a conversation with him, make sure it's recorded!!! most places now you are one party knowledge, meaning, have to be only one person knowing recordings going on in the conversation. you could talk to him and as long as you know the recording is going on, that's may admissible in your area in court!! It's for sure enough to get help if you need it. It's easier to just let an officer listen to the conversation, then trying to explain it. if there's a custody exchange that has to happen, have it done at a local place, like your Police Department or the fire station or somewhere that's recorded. You may even choose to get a representative ieu family member or caseworker or whatever carried out by somebody besides yourself.
Supervised visitations Maybe away for you to go if needed.
I can't act like I know how this is going to turn out for you, but for me, being amicable was not a possibility. Certainly wasn't due to lack of trying. But it definitely was my lack of ability to cope with bullshit. And for Surely inability to watch my children go through what they went through!!! if I had to do it over again everything would be way different. and if your gut tells you the kids are going through any kind of trama drama and abuse, when they're not with you, follow your instinct. lawyer up and talk to the judge. Worst feeling I ever had was the one that my child was going through something tragic and legally I had to continue to let them go until they were old enough to decide. I had to wait until they were old enough and emotionally mature enough to actually open up about what was going on.
If this man is a peckerhead to you, he will be a pecker head to the kids.
Most importantly!!!! The kids do not need to know you're doing any of this. It's none of their business. they don't need to know how you feel about him, and they don't need to know how he feels about you you, it's none of their business. They don't need to know what's in the court orders that's for you to win the judge. They don't need to know that you're going through what you're going through with him. That'll find it's way out later in life right now it's not the time. At this time we protect our babies.
I wish you the best of luck,