7 Signs of Abusive Relationship: Ask DAILY (Intimate Partner Abuse)
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- čas přidán 8. 11. 2022
- 1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me.
2. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds.
3. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.
4. I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes, and expectations from others. I will not be arrogant - but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic - but I will love and care for myself.
5. I will get to know myself better.
6. I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example.
7. If I am habitually disrespected, abused, or if my boundaries are ignored and breached I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin)
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
Tolerance is learned in childhood. For example; If you’re Mother tolerated your alcoholic father, then that is what you learned was acceptable in your adult life. Once someone learns that what they were taught is not exactly right, they can then learn for themselves…. treating people the way I would like to be treated has simply been an opportunity for others to take advantage of me… people won’t tell you they are manipulating you, but their actions will tell you everything. Pay attention and listen to YOURSELF!
Not really , your mother might have tolerated a lot of pain from other men as in my case my dad was verbally abusing her constantly. but I grew up all my life seeing that situation as somenthing to avoid at all cost, violent, emotional disregulated men repell me, they have always have, so not really, you learn and absorb only what you choose from your role models it depends of your level of self awareness. We are not sponges unless we are very babies as it happens in narcissism but when the child is old enough to think for themselves we can create our own thinking and beliefs
I was never seen.
I was never heard.
I was a service provider.
Me too 36 years, then I dumped him in the trash.
@@Ellie-rp8bh Myself a very long time just under 25 yr fake marriage by the covert, I'm familiar with all that. Sorry I- know you did not deserve that! Wishing you healing and many blessings.
@@Ellie-rp8bh Me too. Took me ages to get rid of him. He kept coming back.
Just realized.. .I am an abusive person who doesn't respect other people's decisions.,boundaries
Yeah more self awareness needed, more time to be very serious with ourselves and every thought of ours.
Betterave late than never ❤😘👍🙂
This admission alone is a sign of health. I
Thanks for reminding me that after 2 husbands with a fiance in between, I never got married again and enjoy living alone.
Memorize these questions and teach them to your children
I wish I had seen this years ago.
Confirmed what I thought. I was in an abusive relationship. I am not a victim, I tried my best to see the good in her and enjoyed the good times but the bad times in the end broke my ability to feel like a man with her.
Thank you for including “brutal honesty” here.
' Honest and direct communication' ❤🤔👍
This is a very helpful video. Thank you. I have figured out this question for myself to be useful: Does he encourage me to be my healthier self? In terms of sleep, eating habits, physical exercise, etc. - all measurable things. If he sabotages my physical health, that is a red flag. I am done with relationships that aestheticize/contribute to self-harm.
Thank you, Sam. You're brilliant and beyond generous with your time and knowledge
1) Do I allow my partner to disrespect me? 6:36
2) Does my partner respect my boundaries? 7:25
3) does my partner engage in agression repeatedly despite my protestations? 8:33
4) does he accept my assertiveness? 10:24
5) does your partner accept your essence? is your partner a friend or an enemy from within? 12:00
6) does he treat me the way he wants to be treated? does he lead by way of example? 12:58
7) did I ever try to terminante my relationship with my partner and how did he reacted? 14:08
Thank you
Thank you for the written version.
7/7 In Those Subjects Success Is My Middle and First and Last Name
Thank you
Wonderful. Narcissist or not, these are definitely critical questions. Thank you!
Your opening statement LOL that was great
Shannon Watts?? 😂
Wow I’m speechless??? What I went through it’s unexpected and I’m still alive???? I don’t know how!!!!
I feel every day could be my last. I get it 😢
It’s time to run to the hills!
This is pure gold.
Thanks to you prof. Vaknin, I have ended long time ago questioning different aspects of narcissism. I don’t care anymore/ try to make sure a person is narcissistic or not. I rather say/consider how this person makes me feel during our interactions and whether I behave or react etc etc. I am following you still and I personally can say that this is the best video about human interaction/ relationships I have ever seen (considering myself as person that questions herself and subject to such a question)! Thank you again for all this knowledge published on this social media platform.
Can you do a video on how to overcome depression? This video was a perfect reminder of 30 years of my life. I lost everything just to get out of it. I don't miss it at all, but it's been 3 years and I'm very depressed.
I lost everything too. I initially had to travel for health treatment and went directly in the hospital. Not one word from him. I let him know how hurt I was, and I never herd from him again. That was 7-months ago. All my things, my little dog.. everything . I still cannot bring myself to speak with him. Too much hurt for way tooo long. I found my boundary. He is capable of revenge so I have to find a way to retrieve my things.
@@MaryNewmanFayard OMG. You must really miss your pup. I’ve been dealing with this shit for 15 years. He is sick.
Sometimes i think the ideal love which i sought for years was inside me. The man individuates when he realizes self love is the ideal love he sought through life. Self love is not the love of own gains and strengths(self introject) but the love of himself whoever he is. The ideal love was always inside us what changed was our perception .in childhood we unconsciously perceived mothers love as the ideal love. But when perception changes we frustrate.self love guids us to accept the unpredictability of relations. If selfish society(parents) limited us from finding self love with emotional abuse we try to find at least a predictable love instead of so called ideal love by manipulating close ones😶
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
My favorite video of all so far. Thank you for this information and for making it so easy to conceptualize. Xo
Clarity ... thank you Sam fot putting words and clarity on such vital questions we must all ask ourselves especially after a history of abuse many are so accustomed to
This was one of the best Professor! Very on point, well done!
Lol Sam , you're the greatest and funny too! 😘👍Thanks for sharing your insight
Ouch & Thank you
7 yesses, couldn't be more clear than that. Thank you!
Crazy inspiring!
Thank you for all these videos ! 👍
Very enlightening!
Wonderful, professor! ☄
Omg… how could i not have come up with this myself… reciprocity. Thank you!!
We appreciate u Professor Vaknin.💕👍
Excellent work Dr. Vaknin . Thank you so much.
Thank you so much Sam, this was very insightful and helpful for me ❤
GREAT video!!!
Precise and extremely informative, thanks for the reminder!
These are great, thank you!
I think these questions can also apply to relatiinships with close family members.
Thank you so much.
I lived with this person for 23 years 😢 willingly. What an idiot , now divorcing
Thank you. ✨👌🙏🤸😇
Your a psychology Rock Star....lol! Thank you for all your vids!
Very helpful, Prof.! Thank you.
Whenever I overthink about some painful situation in my past, I just open your page and listen one of your videos. They keep me grounded.
7/7 very eye opening.
completely correct
Thumbs up 1000 times
Thank you
Doctor V - you are right - an affirmation answer to any of these questions demonstrates that your relationship is abusive.
Excellent video!
It's different when they're ASD (formerly high functioning Aspbergers). Fact is, he listens to you and many others and then proceeds to gaslight, be critical and raise his voice, using authoritarian tactics as well as toxic masculine behaviors. He diagnosed me...i don't have a disorder, but he says everyone has traits of disorders....so, thats not a favorite loop to listen to.
He's disagreeable, has alexithymia, oppositional defiance, ocd, adhd, and self medicates on hash, and concentrates heavily. Communication is fraught with fff reactions...shutdowns/meltdowns and financial discussions are tense and difficult at best. High on narcissistic (negative) traits. The cycle of high and low run pretty much like clockwork. My best perspective is I have better personal boundaries then I ever had before and I am better at finding my own well-being in my day to day without bothering to inquire as to what we could do together. He has placed himself high above me, because of course he NEEDS to be right. But my capacity for compassion towards myself and him are actually far better than I ever thought possible, and for this, my own personal growth I am grateful. I see him really trying to bring his best...but the patterns are tough at times. I just keep telling myself he has a disorder and he's doing his best...I've learned to let go of trying to help him by suggesting anything helpful..i practice tending to myself or otherwise the constant resistance and being critical of me, just drains me of my joy. I learned a few years ago that if I treat him the way he treats me, he'll just set fire to the relationship. So I'm very careful to try and refrain from falling into reactive abusive behavior or to challenge him too much.
Excellent! Thank you
🎉Dignity🍰
Missed you
7/7 In Those Subjects Success Is My Middle and First and Last Name
Thank you
Techniques quotidiennes
7 questions
11:09:22
mercredi matin
1
Faire
Je me traite avec dignité ?
Est-ce que j'exige le respect de mon partenaire ?
Est-ce que je permets à mon partenaire de me manquer de respect ?
2
Est-ce que je fixe des limites claires ?
Est-ce que je fais connaître ces limites à d'autres personnes ?
Est-ce que je me valorise pour exprimer mes limites
Ce qui est permis, ce qui est un comportement acceptable et ce qui est interdit
Mon partenaire respecte-t-il mes limites ?
3
Tolérez-vous les abus et l'agression sous quelque forme que ce soit ?
Mon partenaire se livre-t-il à l'agression malgré ma protestation ou cesse-t-il de s'arrêter
Est-ce que je le tolère ? En le niant en prétendant que cela ne se produit pas
4
Suis-je affirmatif ?
Agence
Accepte-t-il mon assurance ?
5
Est-ce que je me connais bien ?
Vidéo " 4 piliers de l'amour de soi " en commentaires
6
Traitez-vous les autres comme vous voudriez être traité ?
Par exemple
Maintenant, mon partenaire me traite-t-il comme je veux être traité ?
Donne-t-il l'exemple?
7
Est-ce que je manque habituellement de respect à mes propres limites ? Constamment ignoré
Ai-je déjà essayé de mettre fin à la relation avec mon partenaire et comment a-t-il réagi ?
Avec Sam Vaknim
🌿
Daily techniques
7 questions
11:09:22
Wednesday morning
1
Do
I treat myself with dignity ?
Do I demand respect from my partner ?
Do I allow my partner to disrespect me ?
2
Am I setting clear boundaries ?
Do I make these boundaries known to other people ?
Do I value myself to express my boundaries
What is permissible what is acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds
Does my partner respect my boundaries ?
3
Do you tolerate abuse and Aggression in any form ?
Does my partner engage in Aggression in spite of my protest or cease to stop
Do I tolerate it ? By denying it pretending it is not happening
4
Am I assertive?
Agency
Does he accept my assertiveness ?
5
How well do I know myself ?
Video " 4 pillars of self love " in comments
6
Do you treat other people the way you want to be treated ?
By example
Now does my partner treat me the way I want to be treated
Does he lead by example ?
7
Am I habitually disrespect my own boundaries ? Constantly ignored breached
Did I ever try to terminate the relationship with my partner and how did he react ?
With Sam Vaknim
Vaknin.
Hi Sam :) I have a bpd friend, she keeps stashing dogs🙄 (we have stray dogs here) she has anger tantrums about that. What would you say about this type of bpds?
Sam, how about diversifying into trading psychology?
Relevant videos here: czcams.com/users/vakninmusings
Hello professor. Could you please mention the references you use for each video ? I'd like to read more ...
I have a question.My ex is a psychopath,and i was just wondering...is there a correlation between being a male psychopath and homosexuality.And if a man loves anal sex,does that mean he is possibly gay?Not loves,adores.
the coccyx plays an important role in support of the spinal cord.
@@robinlevy1629 dont get it
@@amys.9626 that's OK. Your spine supports your whole life.
@@robinlevy1629 what does that have to do with sexual preferences of a psycho?
Regarding the last question (reaction of the partner when you talk about end of the relationship), I assume that if a partner has 0 emotional reaction to such statement (i.e. not caring at all, telling you "if you wanna leave, then is ok leave, not doing anything to save the relationship) can also be abusive?
It is confusing sometimes because one might think that the partner who talks about breaking up is the one who is abusive, even though this can be because of the distressed and rejection/devaluation caused by the other partner....
Mine just walked away bcuz he wanted someone new .. he controlled me in everything but he was jealous but then he stopped bcuz he saw his door open w his ex
First couple of mintuez😅😅😅 ... ... Psychology with some jokesis much better 🤗
I like the word Trump.
How do I find the other 2 videos from this series? Please @samvaknin
Find the relevant playlists.
Thank you so much.