Are You Living in a Childhood Fantasy?
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- čas přidán 5. 10. 2019
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#selfhealers,
I've been waking up from my own childhood fantasy for the past few years. Let me know if this video resonates. As always, I'm happy to answer any questions. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch -Nicole
The Holistic Psychologist I cannot say enough about what your work is doing to transform my life and heal generational trauma! You have been so instrumental in my awakening! You inspire me so much! You are one of my gurus! Much love and gratitude!
🙏🏻💜🦋
I’m so grateful that I found your videos. And yes that this video resonates so much. Btw, I also notice that I react big when someone tries to change me. It’s like that I’m back as helpless as a child. Is it normal? Can I overcome this issue and not to react big? Thank you so much.
Are you going to continue the series on healing unhealthy attachments styles? I really needed that!
I daydream fairly frequently, but it's usually about what I'm doing in the near future where I imagine all the possible senarios of how it could go. Does that fall under childhood fantasies or something else?
I have been looking through your vidios. But how do you change your ego little by little, so it isnt totally a result of a very negative history. I have looking for that for a long time. There are also some external things I cant fix right now. But I think that if I litle by little could change my way of reacting and thinking as a result of .... then I might have a change.
Oh my god. I’ve been a maladaptive daydreamer my entire life. I can’t begin to tell you how excessive daydreaming (for hours on end every single day) has ruined my life. I don’t have a degree, any friends, money and have never even had a job because of it. I’ve just now ”woken up” and now you release this video... I’m speechless😭♥️ I feel like I’ve been colorblind my entire life and can now see in color. It’s magical, amazing, scary and exhausting. And I wouldn’t have it any other way🙏. Thank you so much for this. I feel seen and heard. Just, thank you.
Nadia, my heart is full. Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I see you.
I have a history of being a daydreamer also and I always thought it was easier to live in my head than make the effort to connect to other people. It’s taken me 35 years to realize that this is incorrect. 😢 Meditation has allowed me to see that allowing myself to drown in my thoughts is actually exhausting and draining. There’s nothin wrong with dreaming, but I don’t want it to get in the way of making real connections with people because the happiness I feel now is more lasting than my dreams were. Changing is so so hard though.
Understand. Get a simple job, it's ok if it's a sucky job, it's not forever. Work on emotional intelligence to learn to control your thoughts. Take karate or judo to connect mind body discipline.
This is probably the first time anyone has accurately described the pain I feel, the regrets I have because of this inescapable compulsive obsession that drains the life out of me. I have been this way for as long as I could remember. Is there a community of people like us where we can freely share our pain & possibly start healing?
@PRABH.K take an online complex PTSD questionnaire. You might have had childhood trauma.
This is bizarre. I’ve spent my whole life daydreaming my days away. Ever since I was a kid I would tell my parents I would “go outside to dream” which basically consisted in my walking around in circles in our backyard and day dreaming scenarios, adventures, stories. I would even speak out loud the dialogues. And not gonna lie, I still do it to this day. It’s my comfort practice. I can’t help it. If I don’t daydream I can’t go about my day. Which is bad, I know. And I didn’t even have an abusive or terrible childhood, actually quite the opposite, but still...anyways, the weird part is that it was yesterday (Yes, literally yesterday) that I was having a binge watch of all your videos and thought “wow, it would be so cool if Nicole made a video talking about daydreaming and childhood fantasies”. Lo and behold, less than 24 hours later, here it is. Thank you, so much. 💜
Malena, what it sounds like to me is that your daydreaming has made you a master of manifestation. This video is for you.
Malena Ramonet it’s interesting because others use these things to help them get what they want (whether they call it mindset work or Law of Attraction). Are you familiar with the Enneagram? Curious if you know your type.
This is the first time Ive read that someone does the same as me and also manifests things in! I had just been beginning to think that I need to stop being so childish, but reading your comment made me have a lightbulb moment!
I do this too!
Interesting to tie into manifestation because I do believe it has helped me bring things into my life. I can easily “become” or observe and reenact whatever I want to become.
I did and still do this, but I would swing. Everyone knows what it means when I say “I’m gonna go swing.” Every day. Since I was six. No matter the weather. Raining. Sweltering humidity with mosquitoes. 18 degrees outside. I would get sick if I wasn’t at home to do it. I feel for you.
When you reach adulthood you aren't magically healed from your traumas or bad habbits. If you haven't had the guidance to make necessary steps you EASILY get stuck in this pattern. We have to take control of our lives and not rely on others to fix us bc they to need to fix themselves too!
ESPECIALLY because if we don't...
*NARCISSISTS* are willing to "fix it for us"...i.e. never.
Lol. Not funny though😬
Gotta be sharp and fiercely independent nowadays to protect yourself from the BULLSHIT👌
I am 29 years old and I feel like I am stuck in my inner child at 5 years old. I always seek approval all the time especially externally. I have been getting better but it’s that validation that I crave.
This may sound a bit silly but I am going to say it I bought a coloring book, it’s a retro one inspired by the 90’s. It’s been helping to color and free my mind and I also bought dinosaur oatmeal a few days ago.
I kept trying to fight against all of this “ inner child” stuff because society but I am on an awakening journey and now I can care less about “ society”
I think I have been trapped in this age somewhat because that’s the last known age that I remember having my mom fully involved in my life. She met her husband and she had a child with him. After that I felt so many feelings especially being replaced. They both treated me so horrible and every time I think I’m okay more comes up to be healed.
Thanks for these videos! I’m trying to understand myself more. I honestly think I know where a lot of roots come from but it’s accepting it and I am having trouble with that.
Thanks again :)
Tired of anger and hurt and I just can’t make sense to why my mom could do that to her own daughters.
I've been to multiple therapists, but no one actually bothered explaining these things. Why is it that paying someone $100 an hour doesn't yield what someone on the internet can produce? Thank you for this.
I am shook how many people like me exists... I am so relieved
Yes! It resonates a lot. In my childhood I used to “make up” my dreams before falling asleep. I imagined romantic hero who comes to save me or becoming rich which gave me control and sense of power to do what I want. I now understand how it conditioned my relationships with men and career choices.
I survived my narcissistic family by daydreaming. As long as I could live in that fantasy I was safe because my family wasn't safe.
my go to fantasy since 7th grade has been me singing in front of my classmates and teachers so i can prove to them that i am cool and worthy of attention..i also used to have a crush all the time and i would daydream about them confessing their love to me in front of everyone i know...i'm enneagram 4, that makes a lot of sense i guess. thank you so much for this video! now i feel less alone with this
the singing thing --- this is me! been daydreaming about that since i was really small. now i actually do sing at open mics and stuff!
Omfff i used to daydream about holding concerts and playing in a band in front of the whole school too! I thought i was the only one 😫😫😫😦
Wow... I've been begging internally for someone to explain this to me and wondered if I'm normal for quite a long time. Thank you for this.
So normal! Still recovering from that fantasy.
Great video, and I completely agree with everything said! :) I too healed from this. I looked into "learned helplessness", and got into Buddhism. I also was engaged in one on one therapy, as well as DBT and avoided relationships. What finally killed the childhood rescue fantasy was talking openly about the fantasy with a therapist and understanding that no one, not the therapist or any partner could possibly fulfill it for me. I needed to "rescue" myself. Which is self parenting. So, get to know yourself really well so that you can provide for your emotional needs without the aide of another. And also understand that to let the fantasy go for good, you must choose to do so. permanently burn that bridge, and commit to caring for yourself.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You've done the work!
How did you heal from this? Does that mean you stopped day dreaming? I dont know how to turn it off in my head. Running away into imaginary scenarios in my head..
@@millaeunsol I'm also fighting with this. If I'm okay one day, the next day I fall into daydreaming again and I don't do anything productive. I guess the answer is self awareness, being aware of your ego.
@@millaeunsol so, I became the person I fantasized about rescuing me. I actually switched careers and became a social worker in order to fully embody the fantasy I carried all those years. I do believe we need to find a way to satisfy the minds expectations. My mind couldn't let go of the fantasy and since I tried for decades to elicit a rescue from various sources to no avail, I swooped in and rescued myself. For me the rescue fantasy involved a female teacher, therapist, doctor, or helper of some sort. I had a pretty specific idea of the values she embodied. She needed to be kind, and understanding, educated, have patience, be non judgemental, be able to give me her undivided attention, and think I was special. Once I identified the goals and committed to never going back, it was easier than I thought. I do suggest finding a mentor or therapist who embodies the qualities you would like to develop. And commit to being this better version of yourself. No more negative talk. Only think of yourself in the new way. And engage yourself in something you find meaningful. Satisfy your soul. 🙂
As a child, I believed that I was adopted and my "real" family would come for me one day.
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend.
My whole life is a fantasy. This video made me so happy because it resonates with me so much. In seventh grade, I started obsessively fantasizing about people and being rescued. I’m 18 now and a freshman in college; those fantasies never went away.
This... is me. I have been daydreaming my entire life to make myself feel better, less lonely, or to fill a void of what's missing. I even do it when I'm not even alone. I haven't ever told anyone about this. I'm scared to. I don't want to be alone. I just want to be happy and this definitely hasn't done anything to help. I genuinely don't even know where to start.
At 51 years old it took me 48 years daily to learn what you validate in most of your videos. Oh, and the time that I could have saved if only I knew and was capable of learning the things you talk about regularly.
Thank you!
I now watch your videos daily with my coffee. Better then any church service I’ve ever been to.
As soon as this video came up and I saw the title, I had a huge sense of " Oh boy, this is gonna be a wake up call for me" ................. and yes I was right, big time. I,m 60 years old and this is a huge wake up call for me. Thank you so much Dr Nicole, your videos are hugely helpful ... even if a bit "sore" sometimes lol .
I can’t tell you how synchronised your posts are to my healing journey. Just when I find new things about myself you have the next post or video guiding me through it. Goosebumps!!
Thanks a million Nicole this journey has been the most difficult yet rewarding as I shed a lot of my coping and become myself more each and every day- can’t wait to pass this work onto others- thanks again 💜💜💜
Jess, passing it along is the greatest gift! Thank you
I seen the first 2 points and was like “Yep, that’s me.” I don’t do it as much now that I am back in reality, but when things were bad I’d automatically go into daydream mode. I learned it came from growing up in a toxic environment and I had a vivid imagination. I snapped to reality last year and I have been taking steps to make my goals come true and it’s so difficult, but much better than being in my head and missing out on opportunities or feeling I don’t deserve better for myself.
I just started taking my healing journey more seriously because it’s caused me a lot of insecurity and lack of motivation- and I’m only 20! I don’t want to live through my prime dealing with this, I want to overcome it so I can enjoy the life I was given as fully as I can. Anyway, I recently talked to a friend about it and she made me follow you and I am so glad she did! Because this resonates with me 100% - thank you. I now know it’s not just all in my head.
YES this is me too! I did not think I had any power! I thought I was waiting on something/someone to rescue me! Cheers to developing our power intentionally in baby steps every day! I am so grateful for this community!
Thank you for your comment. This hit hard and summarised the key part for me. Powerless. Yes😮...
This totally resonated with me! Thank you so much for giving me clarity and better understanding as I continue this self healing journey. Thank you also for helping me feel seen, heard, understood and like I’m not alone . With so much love and gratitude always 🙏🏽❤️
Amber, sending you a ton of love and gratitude right back.
I'm 20 years old and I feel like I still do it but not as much. After getting out of dysfunctional home and now seeing a therapist. But before living in the house all I use to say in my head was I want a therapist who can fix my self loathing/low self esteem/low self confidence/ and always suppressing emotions cause its wasn't allowed for me to Express myself so I became a fake or a shell of who I once were..thank you so much Nicole! I'm glad I'm aware of this now so I can rescue myself.
Awareness heals! Much love for you.
Absolutely important. Thank you for sharing with the world. 🙏🏼
Every new video hits it right on the head when I need it most
A few months ago I daydreamed I was taken away from my family by other people who wanted to adopt me, i'm in my late teens. That experience made me so distraught that I started crying. Thank you so much for your videos!
Joe, my heart is with you. You are not alone.
Im.so.sorry.Joe.Im.an.adult.and.I.still.wish.someone.would.adopt.me.
Thank you for clarity and a sense of hope. I appreciate all the work you do and continue to share. Im just sorry that it took me this long to hear your words. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video! So clear, and so empowering!
I'm soo grateful to find this channel
Very very enlightening video Nicole. Thank you. Keep them coming. I also love it that you make it personal; speaking from experience and sharing your own healing journey. 🙏
Ooph, as a teen I wished the band 30 Seconds to Mars would show up in a spaceship and fly me away to cool planets!
Love the quality of this video too, i can read the board better and the sound is clearer too!
Good taste in music! Thanks for the feedback, I'm listening. Got a new mic and brought the camera closer.
My doctor recommended your channel and I am so grateful. Thank you for all you do ♥️
Thank you so much for creating this content and posting this video. I resonate to a lot in this video
Oh how thankful and lucky I am to have found your channel. How eye opening.
Yes, I have even been told this by others. It has been a cold slap in the face that at 1st made me feel awful but then I realized I do have power to change myself. I have been in quite the metamorphosis period as of late. I also have the added emotional aspect of being an empath. Getting others energy and feelings stuck on me has been problematic my entire life. At 41, I am fi ally untangling those negative threads/cords bc I am do UK by the work to protect and ground me. Changi g my behaviors. Your videos are like pieces if gold. They help let me feel less crazy lol.....I know I am on the right path. I'm so grateful you are in this space leading the masses of awakened souls🙏❤
Hey Maria! You are absolutely on the right path. I see you. Much love, Nicole
Omg thank you so much! This was exactly what I needed to hear to start healing!
This fits almost 💯to me. 😳 Thank you for the video and the tips how to begin to heal! 🙏
Thank you for articulating this so clearly
Thank you for loving yourself enough to heal! Now you are helping all of us do the same
Thank you so much🙏🏻
Thank you so much for creating your channel with such thorough content, including these brief videos.
They are a gift to all of us who suffered and survived so much early on but were failed by the mental health system and traditional psychotherapy.
It's honestly a blessing❤
Love the name too, very fitting 🌺💞✌
I hope you reply as soon as possible Dr Nicole... so Eversince I was 12 , I've began daydreaming like there's a movie inside my head. I'd move in circles or move in the bed in circles. Everyday ( until today ) I have 30 mins to one hour just to daydream while listening to music ( music fuels my imagination). It's like an addiction. However daydreaming doesnt interfere with my daily activities. I had a peaceful childhood but I was never given the ample space to express myself and always in my daydreams I'm the famous , well-known girl. I also feel superior to others in my daydreams. And daydreaming is my only escape. It even motivates me at times because it inspires me and makes me feel that strong urge to be the person I want to be and I start working on it.But during my breakdowns - I'm conscious that I'm living in this reality not in my daydreams- I sometimes feel demotivated and sometimes my other world inspires me and gives me that positive energy. I've started my healing journey about 2 months ago yet I'm still finding difficulties in knowing why I do so and Why I feel that way. I'm becoming more conscious of my patterns and thoughts. But I'm always feeling there's a chaos within my mind and sometimes I feel I dont want to talk to anyone. I just detach myself from the external world because everyone and everything drain me. Do you think this is normal in healing and how can I calm this chaos? Btw Your videos and posts are so helpful. They awakened me and made me take the choice to start healing.💕
Dr. N, thank YOU. This video is SO substantial and deep. Thank you for talking TO/WITH us. I teared up bc I feel seen by you. I don't know how that's possible bc we have never met but that's where my tears are from. You get me! I hate that a thank you at work STILL makes me feel SO good. I have been working on this for YEARS :(, still want it and perhaps even worse, need it.
Thank you for teaching me to ask questions of myself, that's new for me and it enables me to learn more about myself and I'm enjoying that. Thanks for being you and having the courage to do what you are doing now. An intellect (You) WITH an open mind?! What a treat!!!!!!
Thank you!
I feel like i've been waiting a long time for something like this video. Childhood fantasy is a huge part of how i am now as a 20-something adult. I feel stuck all the time, just waiting to be rescued. I hate it but it feels safe at the same time. Thank you so much for this.
It's amazing that you have created the space in your instagram profile for people to be able to share their own experience. I don't often write comments but I always know that I can and nobody's going to judge me.
Thank you again Dr Nicole for sharing all this knowledge with us all. This year started with a horrible breakup and I had never felt so powerless in my entire life. What I did not know was that it would actually lead me this tough but incredibly rewarding healing journey. Founding your YT channel and then following you on IG was my biggest manifestation this year. I am so grateful for you and to be apart of the self healers community 🙏🏾
Hi there! Isn't it beautiful that from our darkest moments, we find the greatest wisdom. It's an honor to be a part of your journey. Sending love.
I want to thank you wholeheartedly ! This video is wonderful and healing. You are a beautiful soul! Daydreaming has become a big part of my life. In this magical fantasy world you can get anything you lack in real life such as love, reassurance, praise, support, admiration, recognition, tenderness etc... But I have to grow out of this habit and create my imperfectly perfect happy world ! I am strong and brave enough to follow my dream and achieve anything I want. God bless your heart!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom. So grateful for you every time I see one of your posts. I didn't think I was living in a childhood fantasy, but definitely a mindset of feeling powerless and that someone needs to help/rescue me, and I always feel powerless. I've been feeling low and neglecting self care (yoga, meditation, exercise) so thank you for providing solutions and explanations to start healing.
Hi Ashley, I too experienced the powerless mindset. Sometimes my programming kicks in and I go back there, but it's always the awareness that heals. Thank you for watching.
You are a gift to this world, Thank you so much!
She truly is !
Wow, I was not expecting this video to apply to me! Then it explained my childhood (and still some of my present) right back to me.
I’ve been future self journaling and have been noticing a huge difference in my mood, focus and motivation already. But I have still been indulging the daydreaming I do to help soothe myself before sleep 😳
Time to find another bedtime practice!
This is INCREDIBLE
Thank you!!!!!
I have never been so grateful to anyone by watching a youtube video, I am 40 and i always was looking for an answer for myself why am I like this, and this video of yours gave me an answer and I can't thank you enough...wishing/ hoping someone will rescue you was the thing I was struggling with and this video gave me a breakthrough....thank you once again and wish you a good luck for all your work and effort 🙏
You are such a gift to humanity! Might sound overboard but really I can’t tell you how amazing it is to hear things that resonate so deeply in my own life, on IG AND here. You are a light in the world ❤️
Thank you so much!
I can’t thank you enough for these videos Nicole!👏🏻
Hey you! Thanks for watching.
Pure gold 🙌🏾
I cried as I watched this. It was like you were talking about my life.
Thank you. Your videos and insta posts are such an integral addition to the healing I'm experiencing through my faith, and newfound plant based/detox lifestyle. When I first whatched this video, I had such major anxiety as I recognized a lifetime of wishing/hoping I'd be rescued borne in the powerlessness of my childhood where I was abused by my bio father until his death when I was 14. I have healed in stages, and right now I'm in a place of learning my true identity as the Lord created me to be. And, as you've pointed out here, that identity includes the ability to take my power back. There have been many whispers beneath the surface within the circumstances that I'm living in that have been telling me just how to do that, but I've just pushed them away. Feeling they were wrong-isn't it incredible that when we learn total dysfunction in our childhoods, truth and wholeness can feel wrong?
So, Thank You. You are full of wisdom, and I am grateful that you've chosen to share it here with us.💓
Thank you so much for this video and for your work.
thank you for this enlightenment !👏👏👏
I needed this so much dr Nicole! Thank you for your work 🙏🏿 You’re a gem !
High Value video, thanks for posting it
Omg! I just realized how all if my dreams are just matured version of those same childhood dreams. Striving for uniqueness
I totally relate to what you're saying. I really find myself daydreaming especially when I feel sad or afraid of something. It's my way to feel a little better in that moment. I realized, though, that I am frequently disconnected from reality. Yoga has helped me coping with my anxiety and fears. It makes me feel better both physically and mentally. I really suggest anyone who has anxiety and who is experience a lack of self love to commit to yoga.
This was me in my twenties (nowfourty). Keeping a journal was the best thing I did for myself... Messy start but then I started to feel like I had come into my own... self. It was very helpful.
Always is.💙
thank you for sharing!! 😀
You are amazing!
Thank you so much for your informational videos ❤❤❤❤❤
Love this and you have such a beautiful gift of sharing this info with ease, kindness and clarity! Thank you so much Dr Nicole! It really puts words to a lot of my experience and healing - which is funny, through my dark night of the soul I've gone through so much and had the confirmation and clarity after it/towards the end of the process. Love, peace and blessings to your hearts 💛💛💛🙏🙏🙏🌹🌹🌹🕊️🕊️🕊️
really important for me. i cant stay in reality. everything that happens to me turns into a fantasy
Thank you Dr Nicole for this video ! 💕 ❤ I find the body modalities interesting and how we can move our stored energies out so that we can get unstuck and heal ! Look forward to your next presentation ! 🌞
Watching this video made me realize how much I’ve changed and worked on myself. I no longer feel as powerless.
I do all of the above. I actually did counselling about a year ago, it was EMDR therapy, it really helped ground me for sure and for first time in my life I don’t day dream as much as I ever used to, however I know I do still need more counselling because I still seek major external validation (mostly attention from men and all my day dreams are about men..mostly) and that someone will save me. I want to do more counselling but definitely need talk therapy. Thank you for the video ❤️
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your work, and intuition you put into this. I feel powerless, not always but more than I should. I am looking into getting conventional therapy, however deep in my soul I can feel that I do have the power to heal on my own with your help here. thank you
this is excellent stuff. thank you so much.
Recently found your CZcams channel. Thank you for these videos!
Beautifully explained thank you
I've been struggling to explain myself from my immigrant parents ways of being raised.... So so hard to express my feelings... That saying when you are ready the teacher appears.... My teacher Dr Nicole Lepera came into my path to help my path of sober healing get deeper.... I always knew in my gut I had to heal my inner child...
Talk therapy helped to a point... I need Dr Nicole in my path to take me to a more deeper healing... Future self
journalling has been a game changer to my heart exploding with so much self love and more healing occurs... Thank you for your gift and work❤️❤️
Hi Rita! It's such a gift to read this. I send you a lot of love. You make my work have meaning.
Wow👌 yes🙏 I had the exact same fantasies about the eighties band A-ha, I would spend day and night daydreaming that the singer would take me away from all the trauma. I would create scenarios in my head and it totally consumed me. I can’t thank you enough for this explanation, much love 💖
Thank you for this message ❤️
very good videos, I love this because i guess many of us are living in this dreams…. dreams are good but lets choose empowering ones. As we know what we constantly think becomes our reality.
Thank you for this.... this mean so much to me... i daydreaming being a moviestar, the scenario is someday someone will discover me... i feel like the world will someday "find out" about me... you know what I mean... i think part of childhood fantasy is believing that we are a center of the world...
Nicole I love your videos, I can relate to them. Your explanations are so understandable and helpful
Very insightful. Thank you 😊
Looking forward seeing you in person at your inner child healing event in NYC! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 You’re basically my idol now. 🤗🤗🤗
YAY! can't wait to meet you!
your videos are so helpful, like therapy
This video is great help. Thank you!
Thank you for this! So insightful
Dr. Nicole, you have it together, in a sense of a true Holistic grasp of inner growth.
Right now i feel i'm on board ANY program you might open. Please let me know....
I heard of breathwork for years but because of you I am serious about practicing it.
This is so interesting, this is me. I am a maladaptive daydreamer and I can lose my thoughts too. This is so true.
That being said, we also don't need to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't value us. Receiving support from a partner (and reciprocating) is what makes a relationship healthy.
Wow, story of my life in a short summary. No wonder I feel ‘stuck’ at times....😳
Thank you so much 🙏✨
I waited to be rescued, adopted specifically so as to escape an abusive couple of parents who I guess also waited to be rescued. That movie Ever After played alot on the screen. Thank you for all you do DR
Thank you so much again 💓
Thank you, very helpful.
The first two symptoms are very strong for me, almost chronic.
I have known people like this. They can't let go of this childhood fantasy even in their 30's.
the child in me is thankful for gradually being accepted and it is getting ready to move on
I needed this thank you greatly