How To Do Ego Work
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- čas přidán 24. 11. 2019
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#selfhealers, I hope this allows you to have a basic understanding of what ego work is. Remember, the ego is your friend and protector. Our work is to just witness the ego with non-judgement and allow it to heal (soften)
This is amazing. I wanted to hit the link to your website but didn't find it in the description. Kindly update your description info so I can hoop on. Thank you so much for this video.
Hey! To me it seems that, when we realise we have an ego and start to analyse it, we are doing that from a new ego's perspective. Because consciousness is just objective, and doesn't put labels, but when i look at my ego and think, for example, that I'm shy in public, because i was taught to act like that, but now i want to open and so on, isn't that just creating an alter ego which is a better version of the previous one? I just don't think you can live without ego, just sit in one place and observe. Even if you decide to get up and do something, that's already ego. Idk what the right answer is, I'm a little bit confused. All your actions, everything you do, comes from all the past experiences (i don't believe in free will). I just think as we progress in this shadow work, maybe we are just disconnecting from the old ego, and forming a new one. This new one is just the person we want to be ourselves, not influenced by past traumas and so on... (however what will the new ego be like is still influenced by the past. we want to make this new personality based on what we think is " good" and what makes us happy, which is obviously based on what we have experienced and on the society's norms, but not as much as the previous ego. So that's my take on this. Would really appreciate someone else's!
I am thankful for the definition of the ego as friend and protector. I recall a quip about EGO stands for "Edging God Out" and I twisted that into "see, you'll never be a spiritual person since you spend so much time with your ego"! Shame and Guilt do not help!
So, - acceptance is key, and if I see the ego as protector, then I can accept and then question the signals and messages and be aware of where the ego is coming from. THANKS. (btw I'm from Philly)
This is such a light-hearted idea, to give a name to your ego. It actually makes it so much easier to forgive both oneself and one's ego. Thank you for this
This is a very good statement.
Nicole!! Today I was at a friend's house. I was telling her about something. It was obvious she did not believe me. She even looked it up on the computer right then. A year ago I would have been incredibly offended, not heard, upset, etc... Today I felt 'Heather' (my ego name) start to talk about me not being good enough, not knowing, etc. I witnessed it! I accepted heather, non-judgmentally. Sat back and let mt friend look it up and didn't even worry. Even though I have felt unheard for so long, I said to myself, "it's ok Helen, I hear you, you are heard. " It was such a spectacular feeling and witnessing. And no reaction!!!! I thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything. You have helped and continue to help me change my life. So much love to you!
Ina Aliu lol
What?? Heather or Helen. I got lost
I LOVE that you emphasize that the ego is there as a PROTECTIVE mechanism. So many people see the ego as something that's trying to hurt us, which just sets us up against ourselves. 😞
“don’t get a big head” is what i heard about things i was good at.
😞 I'm so sorry you heard that.
I think I did too. And being of the anxious sort, it was heeded. I consciously remember a story my dad told when I was about 10, of how he was skating at a rink, loving it all and looking pretty good, when he suddenly fell and went skidding.
I never thought of the ego as being a friend. I always found Bonnie (my ego’s name) to be obnoxious, bratty, and shameful. Trying to merge this idea that Bonnie is really a hurt kid and could benefit from some love from me. I don’t know if that makes sense. I’m still trying to figure this out. Thank you for the work that you do. Following your work through IG has been one way for me to journal and reflect.
Its makes a lot of sense. Lately, instead of fighting my ego, I've just given her love and she quiets down so much faster!
I think you could be making it harder for yourself by perceiving your ego as shameful. Look at the ego as if it's someone who protected you when you weren't able to, and know that you have the awareness to protect yourself (with boundaries and choices), you can tell Bonnie that you got this and to chill out :)
Connie, a lot of emotional work is about distinguishing between thoughts, feelings and actions. The feeling that you should be special and secure may end up being called "obnoxious and bratty" by us or by others, when it is acted out on the world or other people in an impulsive or reckless way. But having a process of gently acknowledging that you wish you felt more special and secure is always OK, and then you can look up at a friend or loved one and say "could I have a hug? I'm feeling a lot", or "maybe we could slow down for just a few minutes before we get back to what we're doing. I'm just overwhelmed with thoughts of insecurity." What you may find if you look more closely is that the actions you take to soothe yourself are what is bothering you - which is not the ego. It is OK to notice you are feeling insecure, and to ask for gestures of comfort, or for the pace to slow down. Beyond that, we have to take self-soothing into our own hands.
I see you and I know that feeling. I've learned that ego is a part of us, that we might not like, but it is still a part of us. The work is knowing that the ego behavior is what that part of us learn to do/behave in order to keep away of something that we thought at the moment could be damaging for us (like shame, not being loved, being missunderstood, etc).
As a part of me I can not hate or think badly of my ego, it leaded me to this point of my life and I'm thankfull for that, because right now I know that I'm not my ego, I know what I want for my life, and I see it like this, "Ego is what I had to be, but now I am what I choose to be".
Ego is our past that wants to be our present, but we are outgrowing our past self, see the ego with kind eyes and an understanding heart, let it be a guest in the journy towards our goals, remember you ar the driver in this journy.
Lots of love,
The work of Jonice Webb Has been incredibly helpful to me. She focuses on childhood emotional neglect. Dr Nicole by Dr Jonice Webb is a super powerful combo. Jonice did a podcast with Paul Gilmartin (Mental Health Happy Hour) that blew my mind. You might find it helpful, too.
This is the first explanation of ego that has really helped me to understand what ego truly is. Thank you
When i was child, my mother neglected artist side of mine and she literally stopped me from dancing that i loved so much. She used to say, i dance like a boy.
Art still remain with me and it actually helped me survive my childhood. But i lost dance. When i started healing process, dance automatically came to me. I started dancing in kitchen and just randomly moving when someone else is listening.
When i was child, i was fan of hook step and it is so surprising that i started remembering those hook step of 90's song (that i forget) now.
Thank you for your incredible work 🙏
comparison is so important because it's usually a compare down. Great point.
I think it's a good idea to name one's ego. I actually was tapping into naming my authentic self yesterday. It is super important to integrate all aspects of our personality to achieve self acceptance and awareness. I believe by working so diligently on my inner world for yrs, I have finally turned a corner. I now feel so empowered because I have learned to love myself. We are multi dimensional and spiritual beings having a human experience. Thank you Dr. Nicole for explaining the ego in more depth. Many people have conflicting views on what ego is and some view it has a dark or negative part of our psyche. I understand now it's not at all. It must be seen and heard because it does protect us. At times we should override what ego is screaming at us because ego likes to keep us small as a way of protecting us but that also can stop our growth. Great video❤
Maria, it's like I wrote this! Thank you for sharing this.
@@TheHolisticPsychologist haha I guess that means I'm learning. Your guidance has been invaluable, I can actually recognize my own growth from doing the work you recommend. I have been in therapy for years but by focusing on the ways you outline to heal, I have noticed a real shift and it's so empowering. We can and do heal #selfhealers
I absolutely can relate to this comment! Awesomeness Maria!!✌️
@@mariateresaemotionalmusingsHere’s a clue…if therapy works why are you still in therapy for years?
Surely if therapy works you would be free in 1 or maybe 2 sessions, right?
@freshliving4199 it's a journey and healing continues to unravel layers upon layers. These comments were from 3 yrs ago and I've moved on from traditional talk therapy. I embrace many other healing modalities where I can continue to learn and grow.
Ok, I guess my ego's name is Nicole then 🤣
Found it so funny when she said that
Or name her Karen lmao
@@MY-wo9yb 😳
😅
🦋 This video is WONDERFUL. You have such a gift for breaking things down and explaining them perfectly. ✨✨✨
Thank you!
Thank you so much for not telling me I need to kill it! Something feels wrong about being violent to a part of myself. Like I’ve been harsh to myself my whole life, that strategy hasn’t exactly worked...
Naming your ego is a GAME changer for me thanks!
I like the clarity you provide
OMG Dr. Nicole I'm pretty sure I just had a breakthrough. I've spent the last 24 years trying to quit smoking but I keep postponing it and it causes so much shame and guilt everytime I stop and start again 4 hours later because I've convinced myself that it would be easier if I quit next week.
I realize its Iris trying to protect me and shield me from suffering by convincing me to postpone the quit date. By that not right because Postponing obviously causes way more suffering that stopping now and suffering for 3 weeks if that.
Thank you Dr. And thank you Iris for having my back.
This is what I have been attempting to articulate for quite sometime but have been unable to as well as you have here. People speak of "Ego Death," especially with regards to psychedelic experience, but if you listen to their description, it's always a fearful event or judged as a "bad trip." But fear and judgment are the very fruits of Ego! How can ones Ego be dead but at the same time active in producing fear and judgment? No, the ego doesn't die and to wish it away as some enemy is counterproductive - that just strengthens it. Our best bet is to befriend it, to establish a proper relationship to it, understanding it's mechanism of action. Good stuff.
Out of the thousands of vids I've watched over the years, THIS is The best practical steps worded well !!!!
Instead of hearing.... you must find who you truly are, make space or do some ego work. Yea.... how?
Thank you Nicole!!!
Practicing a pause and parenting ourselves well, helps us start to really HEAR our subconscious mind statements running at all times that truly run our lives into our personal hells.
My ego has developed a fantasy dreaming , which occupies my time day in and day out.
Thanks for devising a separate name to work on.
Hope to get some distancing from my original self which I theorically there but I know it exists somewhere within.
the best part of your videos is how you close in on the subject to make it easier for us to learn, i love that. thank you!!
Your example in the beginning is how it is for me. Even now at 32, I'll be happy about something and excited and my mother responds verbally negatively. I wanted to take a baking class and I told her and she said oh that's not a good school. I'm in a tarot reader certification program now and when I told her she started with her negativity and I said I'm happy about this and idc who doesn't agree or care. I'm still trying not to react when someone questions my story. Actually happened today and I got defensive. Fluctuating process. I have to accept it and embrace it.
This is so relatable to me right now, I've been feeling unaccepted somewhere and it's been hurting me a lot, I've been giving a lot other definitions to what I'm feeling, honestly it was mixed ego, self doubt, comparision and more, Thanks for sharing this, I hope I'll be able to grow from this and understand everything!
When you cannot change the exterior factors, by changing the pathways of how we think, we can heal ourselves and no longer seek for helping hands! Your channel is so helpful and amazing. Thank you
thank you for this.. I am understanding the ego more and more now. I see it as that friend who looks out for you and tries to defend you but sometimes goes over the top. Our job is to keep this friend in check, and to show it and ourselves compassion.
Thank you for this! I am new to learning about healing and future self journaling. It was confusing to me when people would talk about ego and whether or not it was bad or what to do with it. This is great thank you!!
I LOVE all of the work you do! Thank you! The interview you had with Lewis Howes titled “ The secrets to a relationship explained” was a pivot moment in life for me! Learning how to set boundaries and using the word AND rewired my brain into thinking and behaving accordingly! I’m immensely grateful for that!!!
I love the act of naming the ego! Brilliant!
You are an amazing person! Thank you for being an example and a leader to all of us. You have no idea how much you are teaching me helping me to become my true self. Thank you ❤️
I just came across your videos for the first time.
I am so grateful as this is the time in my life, I needed this information.
Sincere gratitude.
You are a fantastic teacher Nicole. The way you explain things just clicks for me
Love the idea of naming the ego. Great way to distinguish between the self and the ego. Thanks for the idea!
Nicole, this is brilliant, naming the ego and observing it is amazing, I know it takes time but it worth it. The other thing I would say is that sometimes we have wounds that make us get "offended" about certain subjects and we are not even aware of that so that's something we should look as well.
Love your videos. 5-10 minutes, straight to the topic! Thank you very much! I´ve been learning a lot from you. Thanks, thanks!
This is so great! Will work on naming my ego today.
i needed to hear this. i love your videos. i especially love how you always get straight to the point. thank you. thank you so much for all that you do💕
Definitely one of your best videos. I get so much clarity from the knowledge you share although the realizations are painful sometimes.
Your show is refreshing and empowering. Thank you!
Love your videos! Always short and to the point and packed with good info 💗
thank you. my egos name is Noma. She’s a hurt girl from my past Im trying to reassure her it’s okay, life is good.
Thank you, so incredibly helpful. Love learning to grow and help nurture what’s needed 🌻
You're an amazing doctor. Thank you for these deep insights
So helpful! Thanks you again Nicole!❤
I'm immersed in this. I read a book with a similar theme, and I was completely immersed. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Ego is the main cause of suffering through the story's we tell ourselves. How liberating it is when we can see the truth. Love your wrk!
I just came across your channel and I have been needing this message so much I am so excited to watch your other videos thank you so much for what you do I am so grateful
I have been seeing my ego as a toddler for a long time, coming from a background in education. When a toddler's needs aren't met, they do what they can to get your attention. Sometimes, we can catch the toddler and address their needs before a tantrum, assuming we are paying attention. However, we so often miss the little signs and the toddler throws a fit. It is important to try and calm the toddler down from a fit, identify the need not met, then make a plan for fixing the situation. Naming the ego is a great tip, and I really appreciate the reminder that the ego is trying to protect us, and is sometimes overreacitve due to past experiences.
This was the best I have heard it explained. Thank you.
you nailed it dear... i was always wondering being such a nice person i have a huge ego.. i protect me so much i have been doing this i never thought that even i was not appreciated having lots of talents by my parents society or family instead my sister who was just beautiful and studying well was appreciated so much today i understand why I always felt the way i had fetl since my young age nd couldnt get along with my sis who always praised herself a lot which put me into corner and made me feel very inferior having so many talents... thank u thanks a ton im actually touched i am working on this and yes i will heal myself with your beautiful energy showerd to all of us here thanks a ton darling
Thats so interesting, I just discovered the idea of naming the thinking mind the other day and I've been practicing it. Makes it so much easier to detach from the mind and understand its not 'me' doing the thinking
This vid has earned a subscribed. Very well done on putting this valuable information out there.
Omg Your thumbnail was spot on, I have to start using this. Subscribed.
Great idea! We can liken it to how we listen to others. I take what others tell me with a grain of salt until I have reason to believe it’s true or untrue. I can think of my ego as one of these people. I can observe and listen to what it’s saying but take it with a grain of salt until I figure out where it is coming from.
Thank you so much for this video! I can tell this will be of much help from now on.
I find it wonderful that you used that “goddamn lot of a time going to school” (which is the thing your parents wanted) in order to learn to be a revolutionary fighting for individual freedom (which is the very thing they did not want).
Well done 😈😍💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
Awesome! Best explanation I've heard! Thank you.
Oh.....if only you knew, Dr.Nicole how I APPRECIATE your work!!!! YOU ARE CHANGING MY LIFE! I say it in the `present continous form` because I`ve been following you since your begining here, and , I have learned SO much!!! I have watrched this exactly video 4 years ago, and many other times I believe, but ONLY TODAY it is sinking in...making sense to me and crating a sort of `click` / a `shift` inside of me....I do not know how to thank you enough but I do send you loads and loads of LOVE, wishes of SUCCESS,HAPPINES, HEALTH, WEALTH and all the best in the Universe to you....BLESS YOU!!!!! Mucha gratitude your work..! I thank the GODS for finding you....💕💕🥹🪄🌹🌹☘☘🌻🌻🌺🌺🌠🌠💗💗💓💓💗
Dear Nicole! Your videos are super healing. But! I also want to notice You are very beautiful person. I love Your style :)
People who don't follow your channel miss a lot of good stuff. ❤
What helps with releasing the story? I imagine making a list of accomplishments. Thinking of life in 3 years with/without that story holding us back and how different those futures look. Jw if anyone had other recs.
Love your videos! ♥️
The above is the practice of releasing the story. This takes consistency and lots of practice. To witness the story, is to release it.
Ooh, ok, thanks. I'll make more time for that. I'm reading Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody and it's really helping me to identify the story.
Blessings 🙏🌟
@@TheHolisticPsychologistdo you have a video on releasing the story?
Thank you so much. Your video came to my attention at the perfect moment.. "Instrument of the Universe", is what i am intuitively thinking right now. Keep sharing and teaching! Love
Wild. I had an experience earlier this year. I was thinking of someone. Then out of the blue I asked "why is my ego angry at this person". Suddenly, I split into two, hard to explain but, their was a shift in me. Now, I see myself seperate fr my ego from time to time. Not all but, working on it.
Haven't thought about naming my ego or realize that it is there to protect me. Thank you for this video. I still have a lot more work to do 🙂
I couldn’t understand what ego actually meant until this video. Thank you so much!!
I love this so much. Thank you. I just subscribed. Started out with watching your , dark night of the soul. I am doing this and didn't know what it was called.
I love the naming part! Tiffany is now her name.
Thank you so much Nicole. This was so good. :-)
This is so helpful! Thank you ❤
Wow you sound so professional. Thanks a lot for the video.
Wonderful as always - thank you 💗
you you explain it so well! thank you 💕
this is so helpful! thank you
Another fantastic video thankyou so much x
Your view is very interesting, since Ego is ofter "demonized": it's good to see that it's a part which do to protect oneself (even if it's not the best way and sometimes even a very bad way because it's lost in the situation). Thank you so much!
I have been doing ego work ever since last year and came up with the idea to name my ego (his name is Michael). I never thought id find another person to use this method, in fact I thought I was the only one to ever think of something like this! It does take a while to learn what is your ego and what is your authentic or higher self but I love that this is even possible. I know I'd be epically unhappy if Michael was still in the drivers seat as I'd say lol
currently doing this in EMDR THERAPY thank youuu
Thank you Nicole
I came here to find out if it's a good idea to ”kill” the ego. After being attacked for it but having empathy for others at the same time, I realized I kinda need my ego.
this is such a helpful video!!!
This is really making me see how I need to change the way I react to my kids. I thank You for the information this helped myself and hopefully help my children one day! Thank You for this blessing..
Thank you! So easy to understand. How can we find out what that childhood hurt is? I imagine w a therapist is best. Is it possible the hurts can also happen in adulthood and still shape us in the same way as a childhood hurt?
THANK YOU!!!
Thank you!!
I love this thank you
Thankyou for this video ❤️
Thank You! Namaste🙏
Love the explanation. Hated the "This is going to be a long process" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I learned really early that I was never going to get love or acceptance from my family.
Thhhank you
You're amazing!
Your book smarts show!
This is really good!!!
THANK YOU
So good!
Thank you❤
👏👏👏🤗💜😁 thank you everyday gets easier to understand and started to make a lot of sense even I watch the same video 3 time a sinks in my head thank you again dr. Nicole my hero my best friend🙏🙏🙋♀️
I'm so glad you're getting these concepts! I'm proud of your work, Nicotta.
I'd love to understand how ego is different from our subconscious mind which is active 95%. It appears that we adult all carry our inner wounded child and when triggered we relapse into old ingrained programs/conditioning. I love the tools you present:)
I agree on importance of first separating or rather distinguishing your ego from your "authentic self" soul self.. so you can be better determine and thus be more aware of when the ego voice is talking to you vs when your authentic soul voice is talking to you. This is key to becoming the observer of the ego and not controlled by the ego which is running self limiting thoughts and actions that no longer serve you at this point in your life. BUT I also work on then sending my ego love and letting it speak and actually listen to it (bc really that's all it wants.. it just wants to be seen and heard and loved) because then it TRANSFORMS and INTEGRATES into my soul self (no longer separate) and I can become more conscious more whole- my ego becomes ONE with my soul self. Does that make sense? The ego wants to be integrated into your authentic soul self and actually its fear is that it is SEPARATE and will be left behind on your authentic self/soul journey.. it just wants to be seen heard felt loved and seen as the teacher expanded consciousness that it is and then your soul and your ego work together as ONE and your soul expands. Its beautiful transformation process.
Remember nothing is created or destroyed just transformed.. so the fuel for expanded consciousness is actually the ego or unconsciousness. It's beautiful and necessary "fuel" for your human awakening into your whole soul self.
This is top-of-the-line. I recently enjoyed a similar book, and it was top-of-the-line. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
thanks so much for sharing these helpful pieces to include in ego work. i am always so grateful to learn from you.
GREAT VIDEO!
girl i love you so much
thank you