The Late Show's Post-Election Thanksgiving Survival Tips
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- čas přidán 23. 11. 2016
- Tip number three: Just because dinner's not ready yet doesn't mean you shouldn't be eating. Remember, an idle jaw is the devil's playpen.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes. - Zábava
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Time to drop the greatest country in the world tagline along with leader of the free world, guys. No one believes it any more.
hahaha word!!!
ABSOLUTELY
Konglim, I guess that depends on how far into the future we're speaking and for how long Trump is going to be in charge. He'd have to put in a lot of work to be bad in order to surpass North Korea, but with the right vile people at his disposal and a few decades of dictatorship after the 4-8 years are up he could quite possibly do it. Though thankfully that would probably be too much effort for him.
Sad but true Andre
Pilot episode of The Newsroom is relevant as ever here.
i respect this man so much for fighting for not only what he thinks is right, but what the majority of the nation believes is right. so much for democracy.
Sometimes you need to take a position that might not be the most popular, but protects those who are most vulnerable.
+Laverne I don't think he was popular with the conservative crowd anyways... If you look at the rating charts, Colbert is actually gaining ratings recently during the election cycle. If anything, shit talking Trump is make the show even more popular.
Maybe the election _was_ rigged. Maybe the media wanted Trump all along???
The elites voted him in. Elect votes. Their votes are supposed to reflect the votes of the people. He is a liar.... To understand him, just believe the opposite of every word coming out of that disgusting mouth of his.
Mike Bjorn How do you do that when he's held literally every position?
[edit: Heck... the only thing he didn't flip on during the entire campaign was his "wall". However, as soon as he won, he flipped on it. Now he's okay with having a lot of it fenced]
It's not possible. I eat my words... He mixes lies with truth. Anyone who is savvy with psychology, reading face expressions and body language... Lies mixed with truth.... We all are smart enough to tell a good peach from a bad peach. I thought.
"for every new rule, two old rules must go"
that sounds like something an eight year old might come up with.
It is.
sadly (slightly less than) half of the america who put trump there wanna hear that.
streglof
I hate trump but this is a very simple idea that might work well, it forces regulations to be concise and forces a revisit of existing regulations
True, but what you need to remember is why those regulations exist in the first place. Of course they're not good for business - they were never meant to be. Regulations are there to protect us from businesses.... to protect us and our environment. Of course Donald doesn't like regulations... it's because of regulations that he's had over 3000 law suites filed against his businesses.
Its basically his version of 'one step forward, two steps back'. And he thinks that's a good thing!
In Nigeria we have thanksgiving on the first Sunday of every month. We celebrate that we all manged to survive last month with most of our limbs intact
Drew Carter Obviously an exaggeration
Oluwabori Atunwa Yeah....but it is the first Sunday of every month though. At least in Rivers and some other states
Tip 9: If things get real bad, get a head start on Black Friday shopping
dude that's Tip 0 it the hidden secret tip known as the "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE" ABORT PLAN
MangoCream My mom tried that when she was pregnant with me, so now everyday looks like Black Friday. 'Cause I'm blind
Ameya Natarajan
Oh wow well glad the plan being used
You have yourself a good Thanksgiving, Colbert, and thanks for the smiles.
You can't pick you president thanks to Electoral college 😂🐔
lmao
No. A bunch of people chosen by private clubs choose the president.
There is layers and layers of undemocratic shit, the US cannot be called a democracy by any sane person.
the states* pick the president not the country, I think that's the whole distinction between the electoral college and popular vote
Actually, it was set up to be a democratic REPUBLIC. Read the Constitution!!!!
No, its not the full distinction. The state parties (undemocratically) choose representatives that are then not all even bound to vote to the states results.
In addition to that, the States are unproportionally represented (for no good reason), a Vermonters Vote carries about twice as much importance as a californians, compared to a straight and fair popular vote.
And the democratic in "democratic republic" is nice, but wrong. Its arguably not even a republic, but provable not democratic in a variety of ways, i just scratched the surface.
You don't live in the greatest country in the world.
Ranbir That would be Norway :)
damn nazi
Yeah, plenty of other candidates. Colbert's comment was unusual for him (out of character).
Sweden or Finland according to the failed states index.
Ranbir America most certainly will fall as hard and fast as it rose.
The fact that no one laughed at "I live in the greatest country in the world" makes me really sad. Because that was clearly a joke, right?
+DeformedBear It's gonna be now
Are you saying it isn't an actual shithole?
Fair enough, but my comment was in response to you saying that the Greatest Country on Earth joke wasn't funny. And if you compare the US to a lot of other countries, I'd class it as a shithole.
Ib Tellevi well let's see. World's largest economy and only superpower, hmmm I don't think it can be classified as a shithole by any standards.
Wait and see.
As a Canadian : WTF America ? What have you done ?
well i sat on my ass bitching and complaining about not being able to milk a cow in black desert then saw trump won then was like alright not my problem someone else will bitch and complain for me then someone will take action for me then i went back to playing games cause neither candidates would help me get job experience to get a job or make it where college wasn't expensive to people who just graduated.
Maiaer they done ruined us. dumbasses.
As an American, I agree.
Same words we used to say to Britain few months ago :(
As an American I'm just really depressed
Why are Americans so convinced that they're the greatest country in the world?
Because they don't know enough about any other country to form a different opinion.
Because we used to have a booming economy where everyone had a chance at greatness, and racism didn't really seem prevalent due to the argument "We freed you guys from slavery a few years ago what more do you want!?"
I wish I could refute this...but sadly it's pretty close to the truth. That and years of patriotic indoctrination in the public school system.
I don't. We may be better off then other countries like Syria, but that doesn't mean we are the best country
Because America is literally all they know. Most of them never leave their country. Many of them still think Africa is a country.
the next 4 years r goin to be gold for comedians its like the second coming of George W. Bush while for the rest of us its the second coming of George W. Bush mixed with just a bit of Mussolini
"Others are surviving on cupcakes and bourbon" - And that's when I looked down at empty cupcake wrappers and half empty bottle of bourbon on my desk. It's like you know me Stephen.
But what if I'm the only liberal in an extremely conservative family who all love Trump and talk about him constantly?
Matt Schumacher As someone in a similar situation living in the south, Godspeed my friend, Godspeed
Trump2020!
Drink a lot?
Talk to them, make your feelings known, try to understand their point of view as far as possible, and then just try to live with it. If all that fails, booze is pretty great.
Fake an acute case of something unpleasant and highly contagious and quarantine yourself where they can't reach you?
Just traveled with my mother with the city-wide fully developed public transportation system to the hospital where she gets a surgery paid by the country's universal healthcare.
Then I went to the grocery store and bought biogenetics-free vegetables, chlorination-free and species-appropriately held meat products and other sorts of food that (by law) have to tell the consumer at the backside of the package what's actually in it.
And now I'm relaxing at home, writing this comment on a computer powered by renewable, nuclear power - free, energy.
Later I'll go study applied sciences in a climate-neutral building...
What's Trump's opinion on climate change again?
That's sounds great, but the government should butt out of your life and really let you thrive, am I right? /s
Where's the part where you get a job?
That happens after they graduate debt free. Jealous yet?
***** I live in Vienna, Austria.
Yay for everything else but You may want to reconsider being anti GMO. You can do a lot of good with GMO foods, easier to grow, extra vitamins, stuff like that.
7:18 thats a really nice shot, should have that one more often. The blues and the browns mesh well and makes him look good in that setting.
2 Million, and counting...
and maybe hacked Voting Computers in 3 swing states that make Trump win...
Mathias B. Not likely. The evidence is flimsy at best
i would not know how o recount these votes anyway and you also cant just say we ignore all digital votes. Its a shitty situation since Clinton cant proof it and Trump cant refute it.
It's in the works! www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/millions-raised-for-vote-recount-over-foul-play-fears/ar-AAkHzyW?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=spartanntp
Is there a problem regarding the way black communities are treated by the police?
A. Yes
B. Look I'm not a racist but...
America has been going down in education standings last 50 years. This election just proved it
+Mike K You are absolutely correct, mon ami. A glance at the PISA ratings confirms it in stark empirical terms. Have a gander at them some time - if you haven’t already done so. But you don’t have to consult that kind of study to find out how profoundly stupid this country of ours has become. It’s enough to read the comments of the brainless and vulgar liberalism-haters on this very website. Their collective postings reflect the colossal dumbing-down of the US that you refer to. Moreover, their abysmal ignorance of history keeps them from realizing how indebted they actually are to the tradition they detest.
plz be my friend
the general and avg american isn't that smart, but the enlightened people mostly voted democrat
That's why America voted for real education reform.
The past several decades of Democrat domination in the educational has been several consecutive decades of failure.
This is why inner city minorities are the fastest demographic of new home school parents.
Mike K dude shut the fuck up honestly. Understand this: America is it's own country. We are supposed to worry about ourselves, not the undocumented immigrant running through the Arizona desert trying to get a better life. America is in economic turmoil currently and instead of worrying about the diversity and culture of our nation at the moment, we have to worry about getting this country out of one of the worst economies in it's history. Republicans are better for the economy. Fact! Don't say that Americans are stupid because they elected a man that is going to get us out of an economic disaster. You and a lot of other Americans are too focused on our values to notice that some families can't afford to buy their child's school supplies.
the slavery used as punishment for crimes bit is actually in use, the US prison system use it to let the private prisons make their inmates work to generate profit, otherwise they have to pay at least the minimum wage for those work.
Why do Americans always have to say "We live in the greatest country in the world"? Like do you realize that isn't true on an economic level, a gdp level, a safety and security level, an educational level, a health and well-being level, an environmental level, just on so many levels.
It's hard to explain. But Americans are a special kind of head in the sand bunch, can't see the real world past reality tv. Kinda like our shit don't stink, and you'll never convince them otherwise.
Yes, I don't really get it either. I used to think that it was something that they appealed to within their borders and would not carry beyond - but I was wrong. I was quite shocked at his impudence when an exchange friend of mine asked me to name the greatest country in the world, expecting his country USA to be the answer of course. And the thing was that, he meant it so sincerely, really truly believing that for everyone else in the world, US was the greatest country.
Ruth S. He really doesn't sound too bright though. I really like to think that most of us wouldn't say something like that while staying in another country, but then again I'm really starting to reevaluate what I know about my country as of late. I'm starting to think that there actually are a *lot* of genuinely stupid people in this country.
lovexsqualor Hahaha well, I hope you guys get through the next 4 years without too much of a blow. I really do. All the best. :)
Ruth S. Thank you!
That last line... FeelsBadMan.
Stick around everybody
BibleThump
our country is not an episode of The Apprentice. we are in the deepest shit!!
Obama, you're fired.
***** what?
Waiting for Trump tweet that will bash on Steven Colbert. That will be a very interesting episode of The Late Show ^_^
The last burn! Ouch!
'Cupcakes and Bourbon' .... Yes please!
Not gonna lie, I really want to see how Key and Peele would've parodied Trump if it was still airing.
Well MADtv is back on the air, so it can still happen.
brainflash1
MADtv is back on the air?? Wtf
Joella Z en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_TV_(season_15)
Happy Thanksgiving, and stay human everyone!
PikalaxALT You too!
Isabel Racine And you as well!
PikalaxALT Coolest comment of the day so far🍻
For each new piece of legislation passed, two old ones must fall away? That's reality style politics. This Big Brother or Survivor kind of rhetoric. Wtf is thinking?
What did you expert from a guy with no political experience who worked on reality tv? To give Winston Churchill speeches?
Has anyone else read the news stories about trump turning down intelligence briefings?
haha i can't believe so many idiots actually thought he could run a country. He's had two briefings before deciding he can't handle it anymore.
Basically Mike pence is President and Trump runs the Twitter account.
timi A Completely agree
Wtf is thinking? "I'm going to do as much damage to this country as I can as payback for not overwhelmingly voting for me," is what he's thinking.
I know...just fking idiot children
I love that ice cream joke
Somebody needs to ask that question, who makes those ballot question so convoluted n confusing. there needs to be a rule where clarity and common language is a must.
Freeking LOVE Stephen Colbert -- :) Thanks for lifting our spirits every day :)
So fucking smart!
"Someone who can dish it out but can't take it" 😂😂😂 I lost it
America is the greatest country in America (except Canada).
Columbia and Argentina are much better than ugly US.
Brazil, Puerto Rico, argentina, Canada...
Canada is the dumps, dont know why people think its a good place to live..
Colbert nails it. Very funny.
And thank you SO much for keeping it G-rated for everyone to enjoy.
I love the way you read the tweets 😂😂
Why do Americans insist America is the best? You guys make some awesome movies & breathtaking broadway shows, but y'all have just as much work to do as any of the rest of us...I just...can someone explain to me your undying patriotism? I'm proud to be Canadian & all, but I never chanted "Canada #1" with unbridled pride & fervour
Lou McLaren I'm an American and I wonder the same thing. For whatever reason, America is heavily infected with nationalist thought. I love my country, but calling it the greatest country in the world is an ignorant and short-sighted thing to say unless you've actually visited every country in the world.
Its the slogan for selling the American Dream, once you wake up you realize its just an advertising slogan...
I think every nation does it, but not all people within said nation do it. It is just America happens to have the loudest of voices because of the media and Hollywood.
Lou McLaren Everyone in America is patriotic in some way, no matter what side of the political spectrum. That's why I love it here.
"Greatest country in the world" hahahaha no
Shh, ignorance is bliss.
ConstantineXI Palaiologos
Every other industrialized nation. You are better than all the 3rd world countries though.
How about Switzerland? Sweden? Danemark?
ConstantineXI Palaiologos Switzerland, Netherlands
Your spelling is absolutely fantastic I gotta tell ya believe me... - Donald John Trump 2016
5:39 Instantly playing back picture of Ted and Marshall's apartment. Thanks brain
"...if not ,he should be an ice-cream man who can diss it out but can't take it",wow!!!such sarcasm haha right to the point :') u the man colbert!
America has the greatest entertainment industry, and because of that it's easy for you people to think you live in the greatest country in the world. But you do not. You lost your right to call yourself "the greatest country in the world" when you elected a misogynist reality star as your president. You lost it when you all allowed yourself to be played with by your manipulative and biased media. As someone living in what genuinely is a great country (New Zealand) I feel sorry for you all. And believe me when I say the world cannot perceive America the same way again, not even in a pop culture sense. We'll still see your movies and watch your TV shows because they genuinely are good (Stephen Colbert is AMAZING) but the rest of the world can confidently tell Americans now that truly the USA, where you don't have universal Healthcare, where your politicians dont believe in climate, where your respect for women is stunningly low in this day and age that in 2016 you still have not had a female leader (THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES beat you to that), where you all believe having an electoral college constitues as demoracy (it does not & I feel so sorry for you people)...is not "the greatest country in the world".
Megan Fermo another thing I find funny is some americans hate immigrants and want all immigrants and their families to be kicked out of the country. The one thing I want to say to them is: "shall I show you the door?"
When is australia going to annex new zealand?
You believe everything the media says, don't you ? You are an idiot all this is propaganda.
there is no such thing as the greatest country in the world.....its a silly concept that people say to make them feel better about the fact their country is fucked up.
Megan Fermo America was never "the greatest" and no country is
Lmao ...dish it out can't take it😆😆
Hey Colbert, cover the DAPL please
Ok Colbert, you're funny and all, but you wish you'd be on the comedic level of the future US President. This will be 4 years of gold.
"For every regulation, two regulations must be eliminated" Now tell me this is not something you'd hear ol' Grandpa Simpson say. Pure genius
jmiquelmb h
Now he just needs a personal miniband that accompanies him wherever he goes.
the next 4 years will a meme cesspool
You wish...
I honestly don't get the obsession with regulations.
"Okay, so we just got the new emissions regulation, that means we now have to get rid of the "how much lead can be in paint" and "how much chicken actually has to be in a chicken nugget" regulations."
Regulations keep corporations from screwing the american people, would you want something like soylent green happening, or radioactive waste being dumped in your backyard, or having life saving medicine being replaced with dry wall, would you like a bunch of corporations to join up to form a monopoly to lower wages and increase prices?
Jerry Blizzard I think he was being sarcastic.
Jerry Blizzard I should have been more clear. I meant trump's obsession with getting rid of regulations, I agree they help from corporations screwing over people.
Taxrenn93 Trump owns a corporation, so that might be a reason why he is so obsessed with them.
Regulations can be used to destroy competitors, sometimes corporations do want regulations, just like it happens in the EU.
Hahaha that silly Turkey 🦃 is hilarious-looking 🤣😂🤣
Is it me or does Trump's mouth look like one of those upside down mouths that people do by turning the video over for a laugh.
it's just you
No, it's not just you. No worries about the guy below. I'm sure you know what he is.
*****
You haven't met my Mom because if you did, you'd still be on your knees eating her out because she's just THAT pretty!
For every new regulation two will be eliminated...Trump does know what 'One step forward, Two steps back' means?
I feel like Jon Baptiste is Stephens awkward friend/coworker who desperately wants their relationship to be like Letterman and Paul Schaffer, so hes always trying so hard to do bits Stephen and make jokes with him while he monologues, but Stephen just dismisses him.
I really like the segments they've given Jon where it's like a parody instructional video, I think he'd do well given some more roles like that.
His Donald Trump impression sounds more like Vincent Price.
I think he's channeling Alec Baldwin's impression from Saturday Night Live.
Why would anyone want to see an impression of an impression?
im deep-frying my turkey this year
*hawt - spell it right
lol yeah it tasted great. just need to o it right and you wont die lol.
Trump wants ben carson as secretary of housing and urban development, i can see his thought process "well it has urban in the title so i gotta pick a black guy how many black guys do i know ...Ben carson!"
i literally thought this same thing when I found out about that lol
Meticulous Trances because he is so simple minded
"For every one new regulation, two old regulations must be eliminated"
OK, if there are currently n regulations (which are old), it means that we can only create n+1 new regulations. Until then all the "old" regulations would disappear. That would leave us in an infinite cycle of having 1 new regulation and only 1 old regulation to eliminate.
Nice policy, Trump. Clap... clap... clap... clap.
Just saying but... *if* there are n regulations? There definitely are n regulations.
I got n+0 and that's only if you immediately eliminate the regulation you're currently creating on the last time when there's only one regulation left, ultimately leaving you with no regulations. And after eliminating all the old regulations this would also require them to start eliminating regulations that they had created themselves which they're obviously not going to do.
The final round is when you eliminate the regulation stating how many regulations you need to remove. See? He's not as stupid as he sounds.
@Snagabott Damn, brilliant. And here I was worried.
Thank you Stephen, Happy Thanksgiving my friend!
wunderbar Stephen...greetings from Germany
We're not the greatest country, Colbert. Just take an actual look at the country.
These get better and better! HAHAHAHAHA
Gabrielle Faust bring on the cupcakes and bourbon lol
Well, if nothing else, there's gonna be comedy GOLD for the next 4 years.
I love u Stephen! You crack me up! And I need all the laughter I can get.
You can pick your friends but you cant pick your relatives or evidently pick your president thnks to the electoral-college hhhhh
Kinda takes the wind out of those "democracy!" sails, doesn't it? ;-)
here before the trump supporters start to swarm
True, they just can't keep away, it's like their daily dose of masochistic mass hysteria, very unsettling, poor folks..
You mean just like how the anti-trump crybabies just can't keep away?
+Yon Yonson Anti-trumpers enjoy watching an anti-trump leaning show? No way~
So I'm supposed to stay within my own little bubble and only consume media that reinforces my existing opinions? Seems a bit pathetic to me, and it's not like there aren't always anti-trump whiners on pro-trump videos too right?
Arson and murder are laws, not regulations. They're legislature, not executive
I think you should tell future president Trump. I'm not sure he knows the distinction
Neither does Colbert.. lol
mrtensed Problem is, even if it's true, Colbert is not the future POTUS
jmiquelmb
did you watch the video you are commenting on? It makes sense now why you just posted a silly response to the OP you just didn't understand the context..
mrtensed Yes, I saw the entire video. What I said is that is not the same that a comedian doesn't know the difference between a rule and a regulation, than the future president of the US. Trump has much more responsability than Colbert (unless Pence is the one really at charge)
Stephen's got his groove back - so glad!
canadian here, asking americans why is your president orange?
he is sick or something?
Canada has a Prime Minister Dumb Ass.
He's not a president, he's a Prime Minister. A great one too.
Lmao wow. How the fuck did you make that mistake.
America here: It's because we fucked up, hardcore.
Thanks for the tips, Stephen. But I'm going to spend all day watching the annual Mystery Science Theater marathon. You can't argue with your family while you're laughing at crappy movies!
Love it!!! Thanks!!
Colbert has been on fire with his election coverage. Love it! Brilliantly perceptive.
The guy who's received more free advertising than any candidate in history, is bitching about equal time? If "equal time" was a thing in American politics, it'd be president elect Sanders.
Brett Perry during the primaries, the media rarely mentioned Bernie in comparison to the others.
"Good publicity is preferable to bad, but from a bottom-line perspective, bad publicity is sometimes better than no publicity at all. Controversy, in short, sells." - President Elect Donald Trump _The Art of the Deal_
Trump said some fucked up shit. Its great people can see through the "propaganda", but they also see through blatant racist and sexist comments and actions made by Trump because somehow a 70 year old racist, sexist, white, male billionaire "doesn't represent the establishment". Is he a fucking robot programmed for politics like Hillary is? Conceived in the cesspool of Washington and vetted for the past 30 odd years? No he sure isn't, but is he that much better to risk your country on? Good luck America!
John Malkovich
1. A) "When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people."
B) "He's a Mexican (referring to federal judge Gonzalo Curiel). We’re building a wall between here and Mexico. The answer is, he is giving us very unfair rulings" - implying he cannot be impartial because he is of Mexican descent
C) He wants a fucking registry for Muslims! That's both terrifying and impossible.
I can go on with this and make a list for sexist comments and actions as well, but you have already heard it all and still ignore it. There is no use to go on speaking to someone who hears but doesn't listen. I know for a fact you will say its taken out of context or some liberal media bias or that's not what he really meant or any number of deflections.
2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being white, a male, or a billionaire, or all three. But, there is something wrong with believing this is not what the status quo is and electing an inexperienced person for the job because of it.
I can literally quote Trump about using bad and controversial publicity to ones advantage and you will ignore it. I can literally quote Trump saying blatantly racist and sexist things and you will ignore it.
You shout rantings about Hillary being a decrepit lying cunt of a war criminal. I hear you and believe most of it. Why do you ignore simple facts?!? Both people can suck you know?! Blind faith in this man is no good for anybody, c'mon now.
John Malkovich
1) Being illegal doesn't make that comment any less racist. Yes illegal immigrants should be kept out of a country. And yes it is racist to say they are rapists and criminals, even if you say some may be good people. And yes I know Mexican and Muslim are not races, but can we not get into semantics cause it tends to misdirect discussion.
B) Whether or not somebody is demonized as a racist, a judge must remain impartial in his decision. This is why they are judges and got to that position. This is like saying women cant judge a rape case because they'd be bias towards the female. But then you could say a male cannot be judge because he'd be biased towards the male. This logic is faulty and racist in the Trump case.
C) Yes religion is poison and has enslaved billions, but goddamn is that a fucked up thing to do. We should just make Muslims wear Holy Crescents on their arms, Christians can have a cross, and Jews can have a star of David! Oh, wait...........
they should give the piano player his own little segment
yeah, real great! My Hearts with you Standing Rock!
Not talking about concerns and only sharing within our like-minded inner circles is how we got into this situation in the first place. We need to discuss hard topics; but, we also need more listening and empathy.
Don't want to talk to conservatives then.
Is it weird that I'm glad that Ted Cruz isn't president instead of Trump?
Broockle nope, Cruz is scary garbage
Broockle I mean ya, he's the Zodiac killer, so...
Interesting, didn't think I'd find only positive responses to this xD
I mean in the end judging from Trump's cabinet, it's prbly about the same evil.
I wouldn't know.
Though Ted's visage just scares the shit out of me for some reason. And the way he talks, I get shudders.
It's like he's some kinda ceramic faced alien who's trying to mimic human behavior.
I dunno man it's like choosing whether an evil clown or a demonic mannequin will murder you
Kang5030
I guess only Democrats watch Colbert. Makes sense. That's why we're all on the same page here.
I wish Republican outlets tried to be entertaining. I wonder if I'd like them... prbly not.
On that slavery question, the answer was "Yes" right?
I'm thankful for Stephen Colbert.
Love your show
When a Country [like USA] chooses an infant Orange -Utan as its " Dictatorial King " then
it is normal that the whole World assumes that this - once great - Country changed to a Zoo.....
better said a "Jurassic Park "............!
Don't forget if Trump's out, Pence becomes President
IS this good or bad?
Both. If by "out" you mean he's killed - that shit is bad. Pence would be a good president, tho. :)
Yea Pence would be great, unless your gay in which case he thinks shock therapy will cure you..
As an American that has traveled to different countries, I still think America is the greatest country in the world. Nothing compares to coming back home to the USA.
Happy Thanksgiving fellow Americans!
i will give you that much, going back to the states after a long trip overseas feels like home coming, happy thanksgiving
Depends on your perspective. But are you happy? Gives me the jeebers to have a good time at night. Never no when you're targeted by pigs.
Happy thanks giving. thank you "standing rock"
When Americans say they live in the "greatest country in the world", the rest of us roll our eyes
America, the best country in the world? You wish LOL
I would say that's true, but how many countries are there where women aren't allowed to drive or there are currently civil wars? Not many.
Also, not being the worst country doesn't make it the best.......
***** I'm not saying it's particularly bad, but this is exactly the kind of arrogance that the world judges the US by. In my mind, calling America the greatest country on earth means you don't have to improve anymore and while America is dicking around without proper social programs, which are standard in other parts of the West, countries like Finland, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, Austria, Germany etc. actually work on their problems.
It appears that in America, if you are in the show business or a politician, you can't critize your own country and if they do, it's typically the people that voted for the other candidate.
Anyway, that's just my two cents.
TheManic10 Back to back World War Champs bish. Only superpower in the world. USA=best fucking country in the world. Suck it
Blake Davis The world wars are really shitty examples, because in both of them the US wasn't the major power to carry the wars.
WW1: Great Britain, France
WW2: Great Britain, USSR
The US is only strong, because of it's allies. If Europe and the rest of the world decides to leave you out, you will be weak and this is just a matter of time.
I love your show. You are a genius
somebody's got the apple watch. 😂😂
video starts at 0:00
Why does there have to be a ballot initiative to remove slavery from Colorado Constitution? Can't the legislators do this???
Don't forget you can put bourbon in the cupcakes!!
we fucking love you stephen
Uhh. The Tryptophan myth needs to die.
Just have it OD on turkey :D
Jonathon Dunn why do you call it a myth.
Hate to differ. Wakes me up at 11 pm for leftovers.
Stephen is so savage
Cami Hauskins and so butthurt he still tries to talk shit about Trump lol
Whatever
You realize comedians have a minimum 4 years of guaranteed work material, right? That's who people wanted, this is just a small collateral. His and the people's priorities is to focus on important things, and learn to laugh about this nonsense.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+Whatever Comedians always make fun of presidents (and president-elects). Have you not been around for all the other recent terms?
i love this man
Fun fact, the jiggling means they made it with cranberry.
Normally he'd be right because that'd mean they introduced Gelatin to the mixture, which is a protein compound made from collagen, and is used to make Jell-o. Hooves are full of collagen.
But Cranberries are so full of Pectin, a similar compound entirely normal to see in fruits, and one which is exclusive to fruits, that they can form a thick gel. Cranberries do it better than any other fruit.
I love watching this country rip itself apart , let's face it, this is hilarious
not if you live here dude
George Weasley I do and trump supporters are out of control in Florida
Peetar Ster I live in Jersey, its pretty chill here comparatively
even funnier that american still believe that they are great somehow, and that they have the need to fix other's country problem
+Irfan Wanata I think most people here are intelligent enough to know that's not so true, having internet. Also, the people of America don't think think they need to fix other countries' problems. But America tries to do it anyway.
What's a slider? In Scotland it's an ice cream!!
It's a baby burger the size of a cupcake
If you've not looked it up... it's a small burger, beef, chicken, vegetarian; but on a little burger bun.
its a mini burger!!
They eat vegetarians in the US?!
Green Giraffe dang, I want YOUR sliders...
Jesus, that question for the slavery punishment WAS confusing as all hell. Reminds me of that old joke thing about the voting machines in Florida animation asking "Are you sure you don't want to not vote for George Bush?"
Ha funny Stephen kills it
Yep! The Trump supporters say WE gotta suck it up and accept the will of the people. Yet 2 million + more people voted for Hillary than voted for Slimeball......So what does that say about democracy?
Jennifer Selk it says you don't have a direct democracy but an hybrid of a federal representative democracy
So, if two regulations are eliminated for every one that gets implemented, eventually there will be NO regulations left. Oh, wait. Maybe that's what he was going for. Stephen Colbert and John Oliver are going to help me keep my sanity for the next four years!
Go Colbert!!
That last line was funny XD