How Mama Trauma Affects Black Men | Kojo of
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2023
- Unresolved childhood trauma can have damaging effects that can lessen a child's sense of stability and self-identity, leaving lasting scars that persist into adulthood. How does growing up with a mom being stricken with schizophrenia impact a young boy as he matriculates into manhood? Kojo Ampadu transparently shares his struggles with "Mama Trauma."
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If Keep it real was a person!!! It’s KoJo. He stand on what he feel wrong or right! I respect that!
Yess, he spoke my mind in this entire interview.
And he spoke so eloquently with his truth. Some of his views/wounds that I have heard on his podcast that I questioned previously as it relates to Christianity and the Word of God makes so much more sense now that I have heard his story of "mama trauma". What is really impressive is he knows, admits and can trace back to where it all starts it's just a matter of doing the hard part/work of truly healing... talk about tough topics! Wow. I'll subscribe, I guess. 😉
Man!!! This may be the realest to meet the yellow couch.
You hit the nail on the head😅😂❤
This is pretty awesome! This is why I say this Podcast is a blessing. Some of us do not have to go down certain roads, once you’ve hear who travelled, you stand clear, or you get some sense of direction towards healing.
This is such a tough topic. My ex-husband was paranoid schizophrenic before committing suicide and it was some of the worst months my children and I experienced. 3 years post death, we are still navigating those feelings. Thank you Laterreas, for providing a safe space for these tough conversations to happen that are generally taboo in our communities.
My heart goes out to you and your children.
❤❤❤❤
@DearFutureWifey thank you sincerely
🙏🙏🙏
I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying comfort and healing for you and your children.
My boys ❤
One thing Kojo is going to give you is self awareness and transparency.
A beautiful and relatable watch, a much needed conversation 🙏🏾🤍
I second that. 💯👌🏾So needed.🙏🏽💕
Two of my two favourite black male CZcamsrs sitting together!!! Wowwwww!! KoJo, I'm soooo proud of you 🎉❤
SAME!!!
I agree
Awesome interview. Great content and insightful for what I expecting currently
His self awareness shows his level of professionalism when it comes to his perspective on others.
My sentiments exactly !! ❤
Not only does Latteras interview his guests, but he also ministers to them ❤ Thank you Kojo for your transparency in your healing journey ❤️🩹
Two things: 1) Congratulations Kojo. Let's gooo! 2) This was a difficult one & more common than many know..😢thanks Kojo
Come on now my boy Kojo in the US sitting on the yellow sofa! Stay hydrated, so proud of you!
daaaaaayummmm those daddy shorts need some mommy length hahha. this finna be deep
Thank you for sharing this and being open and vulnerable here 💕
Lol too funny!!
This is going to be good. I am excited to hear what is about to be said 😀
Ha ha it's always fascinating to see you experiment with fashion. You go Kojo, take over the world ! 😁
Kojo you're thicker than a snicker! Who knew ....lol
Kojo, as a Ghanaian-American I think you sharing what has been going on with your mom is so important. Our culture is so hush about mental health.
much appreciation honestly
He's done a great job expressing how co-dependancy is selfish. Ultimately, they are helping broken people because they want to take all the credit for who they become. It's the savior complex. Its important that we heal the wounds that drive us to dysfunctional behavior in relationships. Kudos for your self awareness.
I truly NEEDED this episode! My mom is bipolar and it's a daily challenge. Not many people understand how much Grace you have to extend and how the enemy tries to attack you through your experiences with them!
It's so rare to see such eloquence, transparency, and discernment all in the same interview. Way to go guys! ❤❤❤
I always thought I was weird and my family was different. It’s always hard opening up to people about my family because not a lot of people can relate. This comment section shows me it’s a lot of families that also deal with schizophrenia. I grew up with a schizophrenic brother, so much trauma in the home that I thought was normal until I got around other families. My mom isn’t diagnosed but I’m almost positive she has something. I myself got bipolar but I feel like once I get away from my family my life will change drastically. Sometimes it’s our environment.
What you said about the environment is interesting. One of my sisters is also bipolar, and she told me that she feels much better when she’s away from home. She still lives at home with my mother. I also feel that my mother has something but is in denial.
I think my brother’s baby mama is schizophrenic. She keeps accusing me of badmouthing her to her family, when I don’t even know her family. She told my brother, nieces, and nephews that I don’t love them, and told the kids not to talk to me anymore. Girl, it’s not just your family. My crazy family is driving me crazy. All I can do is pray for them. I also pray that my nieces and nephews will soon see the light, because I really do love them, and would love to be involved in their lives. I have so much to give those kids because I do pretty well and I don’t have any kids of my own.
@@l.t.3857 I heard this saying before “you cannot heal / grow in the same environment that made you sick” your sister sounds like me. Every time I’m away from my mom I feel normal. I can think I feel good etc. soon as she walks in the room I can physically feel my breathing get short and my anxiety goes up a lot. I can’t think In the same room as her. She is also in extreme denial. After 32 years I realized I hindered my own life by sticking around my mother. I live in Florida and I’m planning to relocate to a whole new state next year and start a new life away from my mother. I have a 5 year old boy and I refuse to let the generational curse affect him like it did me. My best advice to your sister would be to move away. Leave her home. It doesn’t get better with a mother like that. They literally drown and suffocate those around them. And I would also say don’t let that affect you having a relationship with your nieces and nephews, once they old enough they will see the truth. Kids always know. It’s hard to help people with mental illness because they don’t realize how bad they are alot of times.
There are a lot of families with issues, some people just act like their families are perfect!
@@TrainWithStephhOMG! This is me right now! This lady will never stand up for me.I’m beginning to resent her.
@@kyrianjoseph1403 yea I completely understand. That’s why I had to start praying and making plans to leave. I don’t want to hate my mother. The longer I stay around her the more I resent her then I feel bad for her at the same time. Because she went through so much. I know that feeling of not being stood up for. What’s even worse is how they manipulate everyone around them to not stand up for u neither smh. Then once I started standing up for myself I became the bad guy. Sis just trust God and pray pray pray. Make plans as you go along and pray about your plans so u can go in the right direction. Resentment builds up over time and makes us bitter and angry. But you must get away but don’t stop loving her. She was fighting demons long before she gave birth to you. It’s time for God to handle it but u sis cannot stay and drown in her negativity
After watching the video with Derrick Jaxson, this one was a breath of fresh air. This man is aware and HONEST not a snake. He’s not going around marrying women or dating women and he’s not ready. I pray he reconcile his relationship with his parents and his shame with his moms mental issues to potentially find his wife soon.
KoJo sounds just like the old me & my abandonment issues from an absentee father. I would cut men off as soon as I felt any angst, confusion, detachment, or disagreement. I did so all through my early 20s. Getting married at 28 forced me to face my childhood wounds. I pushed my ex away from fear. After our divorce, I headed straight to therapy. Best decision ever! I feel it’ll be wise for KoJo to seek therapy, if he wants a healthy marriage. Very insightful episode.
I've never seen a man (let alone 2) have a conversation about crying. That was refreshing and so adorable! 😇❤
I appreciate this topic and Kojo's transparency. No one thinks about the turmoil children go through when dealing with a parent's MH. Detachment, Hyperindependence, and the KILL SWITCH are real. He was so relatable in how he has protected himself throughout childhood and still dealing with the remnants well into adulthood. It's not pretty but it's a coping mechanism he learned as a child. Pray for us. You are not alone.
He's going to have a Powerful Testimony when he truly surrenders all to The Most High at the Throne of Grace! Love to see the brothers open up and genuinely express themselves! Great interview!
Having a mother diagnosed with bipolar and having to deal with her mental breakdowns and episodes since 14 & now being 44. I TOTALLY understand him and can relate. It’s exhausting & a very difficult life matter to navigate.
Thanks for writing “diagnosed with bipolar” as opposed to labeling her as bipolar.
@@droosyg252 Exactly, thank you 💜🙏🏾
This is the realest person I have ever seen interviewed!! This man is so honest with his inner soul to it’s scary to know that it’s men out here that’s dating and we as women are trying to “fix them”…! Sooo honest of a person!! Respect!!! Nothing but RESPECT!!
Ladies…”the kill switch” is realllllll
Kojo I swear I feel that disconnect you speak of and how it would be more of a relief upon your mother passing. Only difference is my disconnect is pertaining to my son that suffers with mental illness. Unless people have had to deal with it on that level they will never understand it. I have thought many times I think it would be easier not seeing him suffer the way he does. It's truly disheartening watching them struggle in this life. Peace and blessing to you.💛
omd i never really thoughht about it from that perspective...id love to hear your story. Dm me on insta. Il listen...cause i never thought about thhis perspective
I'm only halfway through and this has already changed my life. My mom was a paranoid schizophrenic and homeless. She didnt get treated and i had to have her committed. I prayed for God to take her because i couldnt watch her suffer anymore. She loved Jesus and I felt like, Wow. God, she walks with you and you're making her suffer like this.
I wish I could fully disconnect. I thought I wouldn't fall apart when she died but I did. The guilt didn't die with her, it resurrected and came back full force after. All I could think of is how I abandoned her.
Anyway, now I understand why I can so easily cut people out of my life or why I blanked out speaking to her before she died. "Kill switch" .... perfectly said. Thats exactly what it is.
Of all the episodes, this one was the most meaningful, life-changing to me. Thank you.
Thank you for being transparent and honesty. Uve helped me too
Your prayer is valid, even if some people don’t understand or judge. I’ve tottered between that prayer and a fierce desire to save her before it’s too late. I don’t know where I stand right now honestly (We’ve tried everything) RN I have to disconnect and give it to God. I try to be loving in her presence and not worry about it outside her presence. That’s the best way I can survive. Thanks for sharing Kojo and OP. You are not alone.
God bless you sweetheart. Understand this: you did the best you could at the time. Forgive yourself. Your mother’s illness was not your fault. It just was. But your life as an adult is yours. Now YOU get to choose how you life is lived going forward.
@@angeleyes3396and you need to survive. That instinct to survive is there for a reason. God has a plan for YOU.
I so felt this, my mom died unexpectedly last month. She suffered for so long but these feelings of grief have layers of complexity that come in waves I can’t even put into words.
Met Kojo in Birmingham (UK) this weekend at Boxout Fest and hes such a great brother. Wishing him all the best in life
Your absolutely right. Self Awareness can be a cage with so many people out here " walking dead". We need more of our BLACK MEN to have self awareness. As a mother of 4 black men. This is so essential.
I wish y’all could see how beautiful the vulnerability from BOTH of you really are in a woman’s eyes. (mine specifically) This is incredibly beautiful, especially as a mama to a little boy. So many gems & so much wisdom and accountability. I L🫶🏽VE this! 🥺🥹
Praise God
THIS!!!
Never want my children to have to heal from my trauma which I passed down instead of healed from, but I understand some unconnected pieces bring God the glory at the end and that’s His plan. So this taught me so much. So proud of both of you men! I had to watch it again 🌹
So proud of you Kojo... sharing this story is so liberating, especially in the Black British Ghana community. Mental Health is strongly demonized in Ghana and so sharing this story brings so much light and vulnerability!!!.... Sharing your experience and how it impacted your relationships is warming and a necessary conversation!!!! WELL DONE KOJO dancing king 👑 God bless you
This is one of the best interviews you ever did. This explains the men Not wanting to commit. They literally Can't Committ, they don't have the capacity to commit or communicate their childhood trauma.
There are some who just don’t want to
OMG...... Finally a "man" has shared the trauma young boys feel from our mother's mental health illness, life issues and mom NOT loving herself, so does she love the child ❤ my mom had four children and didn't know how to "love". Now, I've lost two brothers and I feel his pain.
Yesss he do
Kojo, you blessed so many people by opening up the way you did. You are going places, so happy to see you expand your platform, good job! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
My guy Chile 🥳🥳🥳. I am so happy to see Kojo. For the longest time, I could not understand why I could not freely love my mom. She was not mentally ill but we did not have any form of connection. And the way Kojo put it, makes so much sense to me. It just brought a lot of language. I have always loved how honest Kojo is. Everytime I watch him I have an understanding of our male counter parts. Today I know staff about him that I did not know. Thank you Dear Future Wifey for bringing my guy Kojo. This has started my own journey of healing with my mom. I am going to do this 🙋🏽♀️
It’s amazing to me how ppl sell that “men are simple” as if they aren’t human beings who’ve also been hurt and traumatized. We are all complex beings on a journey and this interview proves that. Kudos to you for sharing and your self awareness. What you choose to do with that awareness and understanding is a work between you and God. Prayerfully you continue healing and will one day use your calling in a capacity that frees others. The door is open now.
They are very complex. Even more so than women. However , men will try to over simplify their pain and trauma.
@@nishashawn2021 or worst project it onto others. Everyone’s the problem but them. So I commend Kojo for at least being self aware of how he contributes to the pattern in his relationships with others on all levels
To be fair, most people raise their sons to not be attuned to their emotions…then people wonder why some are emotionally disconnected as boyfriends and husbands. Boys should be raised the same as girls in this way - people need to understand boys have the same emotions as girls and stop asking them.m to suppress it.
Y’all sounds foolish. You didn’t think a man would see this nonsense. Women are way more complicated and difficult to understand. The nerve of yall😂
Lissen, I came over here and I was distracted by the contradiction in the size of KoJo’s thighs and the size of his shorts BUT as I listened…I know this conversation was meant for me. My biological mother was paranoid schizophrenic. I completely understand how KoJo feels. It is a very complex thing to be in relationship with a parent who is out of control. It disrupts the natural need you have for safety and comfort with someone who you rely on to take care of you. As a child, when your trust and safety is compromised it does breed a coldness and a harsh realness about life. It took years of work, and I still work at it to stay in my heart and in my body when I feel wronged. Thank y’all for this very real and transparent conversation.
You go girl. I have done the same. It gets easier.
My mom passed a month ago. I had to reconcile and forgive her many years ago when I had to fight the same battles she did as a forsaken wife. This brought a lot of emotional instability in my life as a child. It was in those moments that I was able to understand her struggle and forgive her as I walked through these struggles in my then marriage. I loved my mom and God healed our relationship many years ago. I’m glad she is not suffering anymore. My dad however was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was a young child. His way of handling situations brought a tremendous amount of fear in my life but it never has caused me to be so afraid that I can’t love. The word says perfect love cast out all fear. When I am fearful in my relationships I go back to God and allow him to comfort me to quiet my soul. These were all motivations for me to want to break these curses so my children and generations to come can be free.
Powerful word right here: "When I am fearful in my relationships I go back to God and allow him to comfort me to quiet my soul." These were all motivations for me to want to break these curses so my children and generations to come can be free.
This episode really blessed me. I've been married 35 years to a wonderful man. He brought the absolute best out in me. However, he has suffered with mental illness since coming from Desert Storm and the Parisan Gulf War in the military. I seen myself and some of the same behaviors that this man has. Keep up the good fight young king. God has a queen that will be able to stand strong by your side.
Learning to shut off emotions begins early in life. Babies/children learn who, when, and how their physical and emotional needs may or may not be met. The consequences of our unmet needs results in the varying attachment styles as children and adults.
Kojo doesnt know how much I needed to hear this. Been sub to him from the very beginning. Extremely proud of him
This episode should have been named Mama Trauma and Daddy Issues. Powerful episode and I'm sure a lot of people got a lot from it
Hands down I can truly relate to this guy emotionally. For me hands down one of my top 5 best shows.
Kojo spoke his truth which MANY can relate to but are too scared to speak or unaware. Thank you Kojo for being vulnerable!!!
A new level of respect he gets from me.
I SO empathize with this man. Mama trauma is no joke. I understand his strong level of independence, his repulsion at the thought of someone depending & clinging to him. I understand his feeling like he would not be very affected when his mom does pass. I feel like my mother wounds affected me more than my father wound, but I can’t say for sure. The level of independence that a person learns when you have parents that just don’t get the job done is out of this world. And I weep at how much of an effect the relationship we have with our parents, their parenting style & our attachment style, has on our relationship with God. How we connect with Him & our ability to trust & depend on Him rests on these parental relationships. And if you’re brave enough, it is a very difficult & painful unlearning & relearning process.
Do the work Kojo. You can cross over. If I can do it, you can do it. 💪🏽
I respect him being self aware...too many unaware pretenders out here... destroying families and hurting unassuming people
Wowwwwwwwww, lost of words. Truly may God heal and Restore everyone heart that has gone through this.
Kojo was the first person I ever seen you interviewed that was so very real🙏
His honesty was boarding on painful. Thanks you for showing us the viewers that men can be vulnerable this topic pulled at my heart ❤️ strings,mothers and fathers have to listen to their children more,
We have to remember the silence between the notes 🎶 makes the loudest sound 🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🙏
He literally took the word /expressions how I have felt my whole life !!! God is truly amazing!!! Dealing with a parent who has mental health issues is no joke !!
This was a great episode. I date a man and he's never said it but I know his mother's struggles affected his he interacts with women. I had to distance myself because in some situations you will never give or be enough for a broken man or person rather, until they are aware and desire to change it. Working through trauma in therapy for all of us if soooi necessary. We react to things sometimes without knowing what it stemmed from in childhood and function as that inner child.
Wow!!!! When he said your soul needs the deliverance!! Even if she’s dealing with her mental health!
African American families and the church really need to talk about this because yes it is very common for us. This hits home for my family too.
Definitely yes this needs to be addressed in the church!! A lot of Christians and their families suffer mental illness and suffer silently😮
Mannnn....being disconnected from parents is a real thing. I feel like I raised myself but lived with my mother and had visitation with my dad.
Parenting is a true choice that people either will accept or will not....but who suffers? 😢 I went to therapy ❤
Kojo, you have to believe that God is big enough and strong enough to hold you down when you go through your healing. He’s GOT you! Let go of the trauma- you won’t truly be free until you do 🙏🏽
Their conversation flowed so flawlessly. Transparency was on point. One thing Kojo has down packed is emotional intelligence, what's debilitated is his emotional bravery. It seems his fear of embarrassment followed by rejection is at the core of it all. The fear of being review as inadequate. Even the trigger he speaks of in relationships. Is probably less about a fear of attachment and responsibility but more so a fear of not keeping the standard set ( reputation). To subdue the real fear that creeps in. It's easier to emotionally cope with being remembered as t"he one who got way", so to say, than someone who didn't live up to expectations.
This part was interesting 51:36 My opinion would be, it's not a matter of being independent or discomfort from a lack of control. Being given the advice, triggers a insecurity that his father, or perhaps even others, don't believe he's capable or lack what it takes to find the answer on his own. Being underestimated.
1:08:19 Having a parent with mental health illness, or even substance abuse etc, or simply parents who we feel didn't make good lives for themselves. subconsciously, unconsciously there's a fear, we as the offspring with end up just like our parents. The Black church unfortunately, don't help matters with the constant meantion of "generational cures". Although I'm sure his mom's illness can be emotionally and psychologically draining on him. The avoidance of his parents, in particular his mother. Could possibly be him not confronting a fear of being just like his parents.
We all have to confront our fears, to put it plan. If embarrassment is the fear, set yourself up to be embarrassed. If rejection is the fear, set yourself up to be rejected. If confronting the memories that comes from seeing his mom is the fear, see your mom as much as possible. If telling your dad you love him, and him not saying it back is the fear, do it anyway.
God is so good, he gave Kojo the knowledge and interest in the human psyche, emotional intelligence, human social behavior. How perfect, such a blessings to have, to be perfectly equipped to be a great son for a mother and father who have the challenges they have. No mystery why God saw fit for him to be the eldest child, as well. Not only to be capable of improving the lives of strangers but those he love, that's gift. All thats needed is that extra bravery to do so.
WOW what a read....babaaay i felt i was on your couch.. Accurate 1000
@@LittleBlackBook91 😊 Be brave, (not telling you what to do, only encouraging you lol).
Wow, he is definitely transparent,but it sounds like narcissistic behavior to me..and it seemed that his father actually coached it into existence.
Narcissistic can be self aware, but, they still choose their views at the end..and they are broken people.
Excellent insight, I love your unbiased approach to see the picture as a whole. Confront your fears! My question is, what is preventing him from doing so? Is it fear or is it another headwind (such as pride or ego) most likely both, as TD Jakes would say. Great review!
When women ask for honesty and transparency, THIS is what we mean!! Where are the men like him. Great interview!
❤ Yes I second this! This is the blueprint 😢
Although I commend his honesty he’s not being honest with himself. Operating like This is not strength but more like fear and weakness.
He’s very articulate and I always enjoy Little Black Book however please get a therapist and seek God to heal you Kojo. I hv Nothing but social media love for you ❤
False strength is a real thing
You got the minerals ❤
Much love Kojo
This was very brave of Kojo to share. I think childhood trauma therapy would be really beneficial for him to navigate his trauma. It’s not for the faint of heart, but the healing is amazing. If he is willing to do the work to heal those wounds I think it will help him in relationships.
This was very interesting. This explains so much about men that won't allow their significant other to become a part of their family.
When I saw the title and intro to this video I immediately clicked the play button!!! My mother also suffers from multiple mental illnesses and I can relate. The guilt, the anger, the shame, and processing it all, etc. I’m the oldest of 4 and wrote a book about my journey. Kudos to these two men bringing awareness and safety around this sensitive topic.
Kojo really opened my eyes as to why I’m so disconnected from my mom. She didn’t have mental illness that I’m aware of but her mothering style pushed my away as a child/teen and now I have no desire to engage with her. I am totally disconnected and feel the same about not wanting to help if need be. I’m just, numb. But it was encouraging to hear someone break this down in the way that he did. I didn’t realize until now that I’m not alone in how I feel and I’m able to kinda pinpoint why I feel what I feel.💡
Wow. Your comment is my thoughts. Same. Wow.
You just described my relationship with my Mother. I love her because I am supposed too, but we have no bond or connection. The kind of person I am, I cannot be fake. I am an organic person and things have to flow.
1. He may have been saying, "I don't need you." to his mother & dating broken women to save his mom and repair his childhood by proxy.
2. I love that he said Paracetamol; we don't use that in the US, we use Tylenol.
3. This episode could have been called "Mama and Papa Trauma" cause he has it from both sides.
4. I have experienced a man like this in a relationship. Even with all his self-insight, and desire to be Christlike, it. is. active. hell. I pray he works on healing and not just knowing.
5. People like this who have false strength (he said it), are actually not strong at all. They are super sensitive, more so than people who can be vulnerable, and they don't trust themselves to handle difficult emotional scenarios so they choose the facade/wall and stay disconnected. It is sad, and it is so common.
6. Relationships are complex and challenging. Blessings on this complex journey.
Absolute bars. On point
5. People like this who have false strength (he said it), are actually not strong at all. They are super sensitive, more so than people who can be vulnerable, and they don't trust themselves to handle difficult emotional scenarios so they choose the facade/wall and stay - Exactly- God immediately said he is weak in my spirit. I felt really uneasy with his lack of accountability and pride.
You were very wise on every point!
Do you think one learns how to love from their environment?
And the longer he puts off unpacking , it’s the messier it will be .. my heart truly breaks for him.
He did say that, most of the women were broken and he was the Captain with the cape to help and once he feels he’s losing control HE’s out! The “mother” does shape and will have MOST influence on how a young boy growing into manhood. That’s it and that’s all….. I’ve seen it in all three of my brothers!
I like that he is honest, transparent, and vulnerable. People will get free from hearing this but please follow God, running will only delay the call and those waiting for you to get in position. There are people assigned to your destiny. You won't regret it but it will be hard at points. God bless you both for this great interview.
40 mins in. My heart breaks for you kojo. I appreciate your transparency and self awareness. It's raw but real and I respect you even more.
DFW, this episode was heavy for me. There are a lot of Kojos walking these streets, simply broken and unhealed. I had to fast forward to the end of the podcast to hear you summarize your thoughts in your letter to your future wifey. The letter was exactly what I expected. You are, hands down, my favorite on CZcams. Good job!
Yes, I agree LATERRAS letter said it all. It is the solution to Kojo problem. Giving mercy and grace to his parents. So glad that he wrote the letter at the end. By far Dear Future Wifey podcast is the best.
This has been one of the best episodes of the podcast. Things like this really need to be talked about.
His Honesty and Self-Awareness is so Commendable, Blessings and Healing to Kojo ❤️
I have been on the receiving end of someone being unable to allow themselves to love & be loved due to “mama trauma.” It’s inhumane to have to fight for the expression of love. So I fully understand what Kojo is talking about. I applaud him for having enough emotional intelligence & maturity to self reflect & admit his issues. I love how Kojo process information. Brilliant mind Kojo! Brilliant mind!
This is soo real! Soo deep! Soo honest! Soo vulnerable! Soo relatable! Soo many nuggets here!
Kojo’s understanding of God‘s word is admirable, and his communication of his knowledge is amazing. He probably got that from his mother 😏 but for him to be so adamant about wanting to get married? he’s going to need to do an emotional and spiritual deep dive into himself, probably with a therapist before he’ll be mentally emotionally and spiritually ready for the vulnerability of marriage 😳
Totally agree. Wanting it and being ready for it are two different things.
@@cb4664Exactly 💯
I have nothing but respect for Kojo. He told is truth and is standing flat footed in that thang. On the flip side I’m also praying that God heal him and restore him so that he is free to love without inhibitions. Great episode Laterras. I look forward to meeting you on Sunday. Blessings.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
WHOA WHOA!!! First seek spiritual counseling for YOURSELF, not to get your girlfriend back. Second you say 5 year relationship, not marriage. Why during those 5 years did you all not get married? Start and be honest with the second question, then go seek COUNSELING/THERAPY, and preferably from a PROFESSIONAL, LICENSED MALE COUNSELOR/THERAPIST
This was such a great candid interview. Kojo is definitely on his road to recovery because he is so self aware. He was careful to cover his parents relationship when he spoke of forgiveness being the solution to his moms instability. But here in Matthew 18:34-35, Jesus refers to tormentors. He is saying the one who refuses to forgive, the Christian who harbors grudges, bitter feelings toward another, will be turned over to torturous thoughts, feelings of misery, and agonizing unrest within. My ex-late husband was committing adultery. The more he did, the more unstable I became mentally. The Lord let me know if I didn’t forgive him, he was going to turn me over to the tormentors. So many are battling mentally and unforgiveness is a root cause. We must forgive if we want Christ to heal and forgive us. I was able to be healed once I forgave him.
Really impressed by this young man’s self awareness. I have a wonderful friend who grew up with a schizophrenic mother and I learned a lot listening to this conversation. Appreciate the transparency. It helps the rest of us feel less alone in our struggles. I subscribed…no shacking-up here😝
I pray some deep spiritual cleansing/healing will be his portion soon. I hope it works out for him and his family. Good episode
I could cry watching this, I’m going through the same thing with my dad. I have never heard anyone explain this the way you have. Thank you so much for this 🥹.
I have had to work on my emotions over the last 7 years and I am still working on it now. I totally understand where Kojo is coming from. But honestly bro it’s time for your healing ❤️🩹 and forgiveness because this will be connected to what God has for you “your wife”.
Thank you 🙏🏾
This was deep, no shallow water in this conversation. Wow God!
I love when you two started sharing about the tears watching those movies. ❤❤. I remember when Nemo came out. I was in the middle of my separation and I wept like a baby the ENTIRE movie while God broke down that movie like my whole marriage. Marlon had to be willing to face his fears to cross the ocean to redeem Nemo. We have to be willing to face our fears to redeem our family legacies. Nemo represented his legacy. ❤
I love this interview honestly. For me personally, I feel like he has a kill switch because of his connection with his mother. Dispute of her mental illness, I still feel like he should have a connection with her because that will help him to love his wife unconditionally and he wouldn’t have to so much worry about that kill switch. I love it because he is really being honest. I think that the connection with is mother can help him for the long run.
Him working on his self is what's important. His desire for the relationship he should have had as a child has gone. It's healing to move forward.
I pray he gets the counsel he needs. He is going to traumatize women with that kill switch.
@@luladavidson3361He’s going to meet that one person he will never think to use that “kill switch” on!!
Yep, Kojo needs to love his mom where she is. Yes, it’s difficult but how her sees her, love her and feel about her is how he relate to women. Yes Jesus loved the church and died for her. The church is in the world. Pray for them both.
Be blessed!
I love Kojo and appreciate his transparency in this interview.
This guy is so unapologetically honest and raw. I love this! I have related to a few things he’s said. I appreciate the honesty. I have to say he’s caused me to giggle a few times.
This young man is extremely intelligent and self aware at the tender age of 32. He will walk in his assignment of preaching within the next 5 to 10 years ❤
I can relate to being numb towards my family and detaching from my parents. It’s such an empty feeling but also your safe place. Its a survival mechanism. I do have feelings but will cut them off when a person doesn’t have my best interest at heart. I’ve suffered in this space for so long that I do it subconsciously. Therapy doesn’t work for me because I nor they can control another person’s actions or intent. That’s where the fear is. Only the Word of God gets me through it!
This episode really hit home and helped me understand a lot of my life and decisions and how I have moved through life... I definitely don't have the emotional attachments to individuals both family and friends and it's definitely from my upbringing and childhood trauma...I don't throw people away, but I definitely don't nurture relationships.
This is such a real topic for so many people growing up in households where mental illness affects family, and it can become their norm, what they know when it comes to establishing relationships.
This man thinks he's running from ministry but he can't help but minister! He was teaching the whole time.
I hope that he one day faces his attachment style, forgiveness his mom for leaving the family and for being unpredictable, etc (even though he knows it's not her fault) and forgives his dad for being emotional (even though he admires him for doing so). As a child, you are angry about it and as an adult you see it differently but it doesn't change the childhood feelings that need to be healed.
THIS was deep. Thanks for opening up. IT REMINDS ME OF QUINCY JONES story with his mom. He was so courageous of him.
He probably has trauma /ptsd from having to deal with those triggers that causes the disconnect as a child not that he necessarily doesn’t want to do it .He was very transparent 🙏🏾
This man is speaking the truth, the whole truth so help him God!!!!
Nothing but respect! I’ve taken so many gems from this episode. The way he is calling out and articulating the feelings here is unreal.
It helps me identify my own fears and articulate them so I can manage them.
Soooo good!
I understand. My Mom suffered with schizophrenia also and it taught me empathy. It also taught me that mental illness can effect anyone at any time; therefore, be grateful if you do not suffer from it.
l have followed Kojo on his CZcams channel and this was the most vulnerable l have seen him. lt was a great interview and insight into what mental illness by a parent has on a child from a male christian perspective which l personally have not heard. The interviewer showed sensitivity and the questions were very intuitive. l learned alot about marriage through a christian lense which gave me things to think about and 🙏🏾 on.
This was RAW and REAL ! I’m a single mom of 2 and I can also relate when it comes to being emotionally checked out with my own mother at certain points in time. Lol I also been/maybe still deal with the it’s not you it’s me to avoid the obligations that come with certain relationships. But I can’t wait to see how God will use me
As a fellow UK citizen, very proud of you for this one KoKo, soo much wisdom and insight into navigating and dealing with struggles as a Christian. 🙏🏾
Oh, no, KOJO is on DFW! I got to see this!
This was one of the most authentic interviews ever. Kojo released everything he felt, gone thru and going thru and it was beautifully done. Some things may have seem harsh, but that is he's truth and his reality. The BEST part is, he is fully aware of all parts of him that needs to be healed. This was a STRONG and much NEEDED interview. 💖
T his was an amazing interview! The guest was insightful and self aware which is rare man or woman. I can appreciate him acknowledging where he stands. I pray that he finds his place in ministry to continue what God has already begun in him. The vulnerability was unmatched. Loved it!
Mental illness is real and it's something that many people struggle with. I hope that Kojo truly accepts that his mom is dealing with something she can't control, and his dad should be commended for sticking with her through this. I think he should work on getting to a better place before he gets into a relationship. He certainly sounds like he wants to be healed and that's a good place to be at. I pray he allows God to heal him, and he is able to have a relationship with his parents. This conversation is necessary, and I hope it helps someone else who is feeling like Kojo. Beautiful letter, Laterras. ❤❤
I hope he seeks the Therapy he needs and I appreciate him being transparent.. he realizes that this is a issue within!! And to heal and not cause or transfer his issues to healed women out here..
Beautiful reflection of what self-awareness and honesty look like. Praying his relationship with mom is restored. It's the key to eliminating the kill switch and freeing to love fully.
I relate sooo heavy Kojo . My mom was schizophrenic my whole life, but for my big brother, he probably understands your experience even more because she didn’t have her first episode until he was a little older. This has me looking at my brother’s experience, especially that in relationships & masculinity even more.
Nonetheless, I didn’t know we had this shared experience cause, it’s DEFINITELY something that only a few people can relate to. Especially Black mamas with schizophrenia/schizop-effective disorders.
Thank you for sharing your story Koj
My mother was schizophrenic. And no one told us. I myself was dealing with a domestic violence relationship while in my 20s and during that time, my grandmother, my mom‘s mother passed, and my mom totally crashed. Everything that she ever dealt with came back on her, including the schizophrenia and the depression. I’m going into this as a 21 year old totally blind. Not knowing what was going on with my mom. I prayed and God sent me to a psychiatrist that was able to finally put a name to it. It was so hard. It was years of my mom off and on medication , in and out of mental health centers. Because she would not stay on the medication. She would become violent and would also hallucinate. She once punched me in my jaw while I was driving causing me to get into an accident. But I always loved her until the day she died. And still I love her. I just wish someone would’ve told us as children or even young adults that my mom had an issue. It explains a lot of her behaviors. She was very protective, and would not allow us to do anything. And I mean nothing. But I know most of that was attributed to her schizophrenia. She has since passed, November 2021 and I miss her immensely. And I never held anything against my mom because I know she couldn’t help it.
Your comment just brought me to tears, but it answered some of my questions. This past weekend, my brother’s baby mama, who I believe is schizophrenic, started choking him while he was driving and he almost crashed. He pulled over and called my mother. After my mother told me what was going on, I panicked, then called him. The baby mama went off on me, accusing me of being a girlfriend of my brother. I later found out that the girl she accused me of being is an older woman, my brother’s friend’s mother. Now she is telling the kids, my nieces and nephews, to stop talking to me. She told them I don’t love them and their father. Girl, I’ve been going through it. I love those kids so much and it really hurts that I can’t talk to them anymore. I am praying for God to intervene. This is too much. I pray for your healing on the passing of your mother. I’m sorry you had to deal with so much pain surrounding her illness. But thank you immensely for sharing your story. It is helping me to better deal with this pain. God bless you.
You are very welcome and I’m glad that my words brought you some insight. I will tell you the younger they are the harder it is to deal with them, because they refuse to seek help and refuse to be medicated. It was a roller coaster ride with my mom. As I stated. But I hope that your brother has a village that can help him. Because it’s not going to get any easier and it can become dangerous. Please see if she will seek help. If not, he may have to make that really difficult decision to distance himself and the children for their own safety. I pray that everything works out as it should.
I think it’s the nobody telling us that makes it so bad
@Tianelson1967 Thanks again! I shared your response with my mother, and she was very grateful. I’m hoping she will let my brother know this as well. God bless!
God bless you sweetheart.
Kojo THiCK!! 💪🏽👏🏽 great interview. Love to see them together
Omg Laterras…you have done it AGAIN!! All in my business! I too grew up with a mentally ill parent..and everything Kojo is saying is SO real. I too have the “kill switch”, even though I so desperately want to have a meaningful relationship where I am truly loved and valued. But my trauma from my childhood gets in the way…if she couldn’t love me right, how would anyone else?? Keep doin these hard topics, because they are everything!!! I have already listened to this episode 3 times and listening again to catch all the gems in this episode!! Keep up the great work and THANK YOU!!!
Mental illness is a serious condition. I believe everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Prayers up for his mom!
He told the truth and nothing but the truth! Very real and eye-opening episode. Thing is, there are a lot of people who actually feel the way he does but they try to be in relationships. They check out quickly and then leave the other person broken. I like it that he's honest and real with himself. Great episode!
Kojo please do the work to heal. I remember being that woman that would sabotage good relationships and have I’m get you before you get me mentality. It’s so much peace in healing ❤️🩹 and deliverance. 🙏🏽🙌🏽