How to respond to "you're too sensitive"...
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- čas přidán 6. 01. 2020
- Has someone told you you're "too sensitive" when they've said something that hurt you?
When they are unwilling to acknowledge their own insensitivity, and feel emboldened to put you down... this is abuse. Straight up.
Listen in for ways you can respond to this controlling, diminishing behavior that is meant to keep you down.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I've been hearing that a lot lately.
they are the same people who get mad when you say something back to them to put them down.
hypocrites.
Yes, they are hypocrites...with no willingness to see that that is so, either. :(
The best response to this is "Shut the fuck up"
Do not let people abuse you like this
When you say that hurt me and they gasslight you and tell you that you are being mean to them by just engaging in dialog. Lol!
They do that, for sure! Sad.
Yes, that blows my mind,
My husband has always said that I am oversensitive and had tried to convince that me being that way is a form of abuse to him.
That is an argument many Hijackals use, of course. Anything that a Hijackal perceives as getting in the way of them doing what they want irks them, right?
Thank you, doctor Shaler. Once i told my ex smth devaluative (in his manner) and after he felt hurt I added also in his manner:"You are too sensitive". You can not imagine his face!🤦😆
nah ur just toxic
I know that may have felt like you scored a point, and made a difference. I wonder if it did.
The bigger question for me when I read that is: do you want to be like him? It's tempting, I know, to "give them their own medicine," however, do you want to do life in that way? Of course, I don't know the answer for you, but the question may be worthwhile pondering.
When I complained to my dad that my covert, vulnerable narcissistic mom was mistreating me, he always said I was too sensitive. (She "behaved" around him and manipulated him by playing the victim. Also he was away from home a lot.) When I had a nervous breakdown at 14 due to her, he told me that the mental hospital bills were expensive and that I shouldn't have let myself get in such an awful state of anxiety and depression that I had to have hospitalization. The problem was my mom had the whole family believing she was perfect so nothing negative was allowed to be said about her without getting yelled at and then feeling horribly guilty. At the time it was horrendous but now looking back, I see I was the only sane one of the bunch. For years afterwards if I had strong emotions about something, I had to ask my friends to validate my feelings and to confirm that my feelings and emotions were justified. I can finally trust my feelings now but it took many, many years.
Great progress! Good for you! It seems your father was an enabler, unwilling to see or stand up to the emotional abuse your mother delivered. That's a difficult situation to grow up in because it warps your view of yourself and relationships. It's good to hear that you've conquered the uncertainty about what you really feel!
Live your best life, nothing disturbs a narcissist more than other people being happy with out them.
I am tired of getting a rebuttle to a request for respectful treatment, and transfer of responsibility on me to be less sensitive. Now I feel when I'm told I'm too sensitive, I say you should be glad I'm sensitive so I listen to you, I feel for you. An insensitive person might do what the person does that outbursts about our sensitivity (they are sensitive to someone standing up for their own self-esteem) or has no feelings of empathy who would slit your throat like a sociopath.
I confided in my husband about problem I had at my last job about six months ago. I was really hurt about the ordeal. He seemed understanding and supportive at the time. Today me and him had a disagreement. Because I didn't do what he wanted me to do he brought up my past work issue and used it against me. This really upset me and I lost my cool and told him to you know what. He stood there and just laughed at me. I tried to get away from him but he kept following me around and started telling me I must be too sensitive. Then he told me that I have a problem and I have problem with his family.
I feel like my outburst just gave him ammunition now to use against me.
My partner always says I’m too sensitive and denies yelling at me.
That's too bad! How do you respond? Was the video helpful with that?
oh my mirror image
Yup apparently I'm way to sensitive,ie. I can't stand up for myself
Narcissists don’t change. They adjust their sails and stay on course. Just leave and avoid them.
This is the way
Thank you
You're welcome
Lesson learned. Don't react. Had 2 at once
Congratulations!
Yes, I see the point. The narc part will probably never agree, BUT we will feel the freedom to express our feelings. I have been trying to properly express them for the last 5-6 years now, and it''s LIBERATING more than ever.
A feeling I never ever felt before in my life. So liberating!
It actually doesn't mind what the narc will think or say.
What counts is that we have managed to see our feelings, and then we have also found the stregth to express ourselves, right?
Yes! Good for you. It IS liberating.
That counts, AND, knowing, expressing, and maintaining strong boundaries.
@@ForRelationshipHelp thank you.
My only sister (and whom I called my soulmate) is notorious for calling me too sensitive, and calling me out what I have done wrong... It is really hurtful especially, during the time of my lowest while venting to her about my issues. I am starting to feel I can no longer have her be apart of my support network.
I think you can also be more direct. So, you can say: " It's not my problem that you think I'm too sensitive. But if it's a problem for you and you feel like you are walking on eggshells around me, then let's end our relationship. I myself don't want a relationship, in which one or both of us suffer any way." Then break up. It's that easy. And if they don't like it, tell them that they are "too sensitive" and need to deal with breakups like an adult.
OR, you can use their technique of blame-shifting to shift the focus from you back on them by saying:
"Look at yourself! You yourself are too sensitive about me being too sensitive (about your rudeness)!"
Or you can also say the truth by explaining the whole truth in detail:
"I am not sensitive - I am considerate. As a considerate person, I know how ghosting someone can hurt. That's why I inform you and provide feedback on what bothers me - so that you don't feel surprised and shocked when I decide to breakup and leave you forever without a word or farewell wishes. You would know why I left you without a word because I had informed you beforehand, in which case it would not be ghosting but an informed decision after your ignoring attitude toward my requests. But if I say nothing and then suddenly quit and leave, then it would be abusive and inconsiderate(=ghosting).
If you prefer to be ghosted, then let me know. I will say nothing anymore, but you can't be too sensitive later either when I ghost you without proper closure, ok?"
Everyone's a narcissist. I'm the only highly sensitive person. I'm 26, I've been highly sensitive since I was younger. I'm goth, and I get judged for being to sensitive, and goth. I'm always being attacked!!!
I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Hijackals are always on the attack because they are always in a competition of their own making. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are particularly affected and offended by Hijackal behavior. Best thing to do is, as you've likely heard me say in several episodes: Turn on your Teflon!
@@ForRelationshipHelp I'll try🙂
@@ForRelationshipHelp I couldn't figure out what word you were using in the video. It was distracting. I finally turned the Closed Captioning on and they screwed up there too and typed in hi Jekyll. Odd word. I've never heard it before, so it was distracting and somewhat annoying to hear you use it constantly. Just thought I'd let you know that. In this comment you spell it so I actually know what you're saying in the video.
this was very helpful.
what do you say if they call you a feminist for saying you feel belittled? It is very toxic and I just can't wrap my head around someone dismissing my feelings and using being a feminist as an insult
I'm glad it was helpful. Know that, when you're with a #Hijackal, they feel they must "win" in every conversation. They will find something to disagree with, or turn back around on you. Know this is everything to do with who they are and nothing to do with you. I know, it's a head-spinner! Best to give up expecting them to be different, and take what they say with a grain of salt.
I'd say yes I'm a feminist. Hope things are better now.
Thanks for this, this helps. I was told this yesterday, again.
Incidentally, I just had a thought midway though listening to your helpful advice. I saw there was and still is, one dislike. Don't you think that, youtube should, in order for someone to vote a dislike, be required to explain constructively why they disliked it? I think that'll help the quality of the community. Just a thought, I don't comment much.
Thanks again. I am not religious, but bless you.
I'm glad it helped!
yes i agree my mom and dad and sister i am too sensitive.? its makes me see red.
What does it mean " makes me see red "please
@@souriasouria2523 seeing red very angry and irritated. That my take on what it means.
Yes, it's infuriating when someone tells you you're too sensitive, especially when you are speaking up about being hurt, disrespected, or simply expressing a difference of opinion.
The important thing for yourself is to determine if you parents and sister are consistently--and purposefully--saying mean, degrading, or dismissive things to you. Then, when you speak up, they tell you "you're too sensitive," or another favorite, "I was just joking and you have thin skin." If that pattern is there, you may find watching my videos on #Hijackals insightful. Could be that's what you're facing.
I wish you well.
Rhoberta
@@kpa-vo4pb thank u so much i don't like to be a burden but please if u can" that my take on " what does it mean and sorry if i distrubt u
@@ForRelationshipHelp maybe but my sister mo and family still tell what to wear and how many hours I should be working because I need the money. So they remain of that statement. Mom won't hear what I have to say about my sister said to me. My dad and I are like oil and water we have psychical altercations in the house. We actually hit each other same with my sister and mom . Always fighting about everything. When I working at traders Joe's my dad you better say you are sorry or I will tell your boss about what happened then I quit years later now working at Howie's market and told my family unhappy I have been that doesn't matter because no back up plan .? Family Embarrassed by what I wear oh you really wearing that shirt or these Pants .
Or they say you go into attack mode a lot I have noticed that a lot about you in over 2 years of knowing you. Which is totally untrue, and I said I can say the same about you sometimes, and they say no worries it's all good?
My mom calls me names and sometimes it goes over my head, and yesterday she told me to shut up, I’m 18 I’m not a child. I was hurt when she said that, but of course she said I was being too sensitive and I was the problem and she was just joking. She even told me I was being a brat because I wasn’t talking to her, and yelled at me again. How can I be not be mad at someone who just yelled at me??? Plus she always says, you can’t be mad at me forever, and tries to gives me a hug like nothing happened not even saying sorry. She still thinks I’m a little kid, I have a job, I go school, I even have my license. Im out of her hair for a couple hours a weeks, but of course when I get angry or something she tell me how wrong I am.
And she always calls me annoying all the time, I feel like I’m am though, I feel like bother my mother, I feel like a burden to my family sometimes. With all my medical issues, everything I do is wrong, every step I accomplish I need to do more. She says I’m not an adult until im 18, im 18 now and now she said until I get a job and license, and I have that now. And now she says not until I move out and start paying pills, I guess im not an adult in the eyes of my mom? Moving out is too expensive here in California unless you got roommates or something, and I just started a new job, which I haven’t even gotten payed yet (once a month thing) but it just never seems enough, I always seem like a bother to her. I feel like I can’t talk to her about my problems, if I have something wrong with me, she always thinks it’s another thing, and I’m being stupid, even when I has suicidal thoughts, she thought I was being selfish and if I killed myself she would never forgive me, how about listening to me instead of judging. (Sorry this is so long, I just need to vent, I guess it was the CZcams comment section lol)
Hi, Hailey,
Your mom seems to need power and control, and she thinks she creates it by putting you down. I'm sorry to hear that you're also having medical issues. That compounds the issue, doesn't it?
I suggest that you do THE difficult thing: recognize that your mother's need for power is about her and not you. What she says about you has little to do with who you are, and everything to do with what she thinks will keep you feeling poorly about yourself. Stop trying to please her to make her change. It's unlikely she will. Change your focus to a self-affirming one, like: "I am doing everything I can to create the life I want outside of my mother's home. Until then, I recognize that she is set on making me wrong because she can to feed her need for control." It's not magic but it will remind you to take the charge out of what your mom says, needs, and wants, and place your attention on the life you want/need to create.
I hope that helps.
@@ForRelationshipHelp
Thank you I appreciate you replying, I will try my best your advice, hopefully it will work, and thank you for your advice too. And yes having my medical issues doesn’t help the issue too sadly.
So why would you want to stay in a relationship with a high jackal?
Hi just was looking up on CZcams on this kind of topic because I can’t take it no more without feeling emotional. I feel under attack as a woman/wife/mother every time we are in a conversation or there is any talk about me this word sensitive comes up. Like right now my husband just calls me highly sensitive right after he blames me for how I raise my son.I get called names, I feel misunderstood and not cared for!!
So difficult! Hijackals take no responsibility for their actions, and refuse to be accountable. Therefore, everything becomes your fault. AND, it isn't! I hope you'll watch my other videos to determine how many Hijackal traits you husband may have.
Are you saying high-jackal? What is that?
Hijackal® is my term for people with passive-aggressive, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, and anti-social traits. I created it so folks would have a way to describe a person with those traits and behavior without using clinical diagnostic terms. Here's my definition:
A Hijackal is a person who hijacks a relationship, for their own needs and purposes, and relentlessly scavenges it for power, status, and control.
Video starts at 2:00
Not trying to take away from this video at all because there are some valid points, but sometimes people are just too sensitive. For example, if someone sets their drink (with liquid sweating out of the cup) on top of an important piece of paper I have sitting on my desk and I VERY POLITELY say “Oh, I’m gonna just move this cup a few inches over so it doesn’t get my paper wet. It’s completely all good! It’s just an important document I need.” and they get hurt by that, that is being way too sensitive. This is an actual encounter I have had a few times. There is a balance to be had, for sure!
Yes, it's important to recognize that balance. You're right!
@@ForRelationshipHelp Thank you for your response! And great video, by the way! I certainly hope that my comment didn’t seem to be undercutting what you were saying. I think you made a lot of good points, and also did a good job of highlighting ways to spot genuine narcissism. Great video, ma’am!
Codependents maybe too sensitive due to low sunlight/low Vit D/low B vitamins etc.. It maybe true and the N maybe too bold also. NO gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO/food with a label/heated oils..taking vitamins/good oils/minerals...probiotic...LDN...detoxing may help.
Shasha8674 useless comment
@@calisongbird No...very important comment. God bless!
@@Shasha8674
I appreciate your analogy… Detoxing from the narcissist is really important. When we put in products that are toxic in our system, we need to detox from them as well. Much like how bodies can be sensitive to the elements/products, some of us are more sensitive to harsh treatments from narcissists. Your analogy makes perfect sense. Thank you. ❤️
Sorry but this is TERRIBLE advice. Instead tell them "respect me or STFU!"
Having your phone go off while you’re talking is very annoying.
This usually happens in the car when you have nowhere else to go, it begins with coming back from a party, being compared to someone, how the other person cooks better, or has some greater competence in the toxic person’s eyes, then onto a joke with a hidden insult like you’re crazy, then comes the silence treatment, they give you a debate about how you’re wrong, and you’re always wrong, the take away your peace and joy, then they toss you to the curb and never apologize. Good bye. 🥱
Sadly, Palma, that's exactly what Hijackals do. And, having you captive in the car is a delight for them. I suggest to some of my clients that they always take two cars anywhere for exactly that reason. It's not always possible, but it is a good strategy if you see a pattern of being verball and emotionally abused while trapped in the car with a Hijackal.
In the car: check! Being compared to someone: check! Hidden insult: check! Silent treatment: check! Take away your peace and joy: check!