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After almost 20 years of doing everything for the household and helping my partner manage the consistent emotional trauma of their difficult remote healthcare job, providing constant support, empathy and compassion throughout, I always imagined that my spouse would reciprocate if I ever needed them to. While I am a strong and resilient person, I was floored by a breast cancer diagnosis of ductal carcinoma and DCIS not long after my spouse's retirement. I needed some emotional support and compassion and understanding. I got great support when there was someone else watching. I got to overhear others expressing support and empathy to them for what 'we' were going through...but I have been treated with judgement, cruelty, anger, and complete emotional neglect when spectators are lacking. The whole experience has been a terrible surprise, and a heartbreaking 'eye-opener'. The relationship that I always thought I could count on does not exist...

It's you're man or men problem if he didn't engage with other women his weak insecure infant child not other women his disrespectful of you he knows you're married n he still entertains them . I askd my husband wat he do if I did same thing kill you ?

I have lived like this for 25 years counting. I’m struggling

One doesnt respond to a silent treatment. One ghosts the person, its over.

What a wonderful gem of a woman. Thank you for everything. You are greatly missed, but your legacy is so meaningful. Thank you for sharing your love and light with so many.

❤❤❤❤

If your child is a narcissist it is your fault

TO ALL WHO'S ASKING WHY THIS IS ON THE RISE ..... READ THE BIBLE BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH. YOU'LL GET A BETTER DIRECT ANSWER. REVELATIONS..❤❤❤

Yes

For anyone in a questionable situation, if you are sleeping and your partner accidentally hits you in their sleep, be aware it may not be an accident. Mine started with his elbow, using it to hit me in the head, I genuinely thought it was unintentional. I think it was a test based on what he did and said later.

Thank you SO much for mentioning siblings in this context. Really rare to see it mentioned, but it means a lot. 😢 Always wondered, seeing this person treat others really reprehensibly, and always thought “if I wasn’t their sibling and they treated me like that, I’d probably run, not walk.” As it is, I AM their sibling, and now that the day has come where I’m enemy number one? YEARS of resentment come pouring out, followed by “love me”. I don’t even feel like a person anymore. Just some arbitrary tool for meeting someone else’s affection quota.

And purposely inflicted Million questions a day from morning, noon, and night. " DERAILMENT" INSIDIOUS DERAILMENT

YES❤

My ex is narcissistic, so we divorced. Now I have narsistic son. It's surprising 😨 me.

I love you. Thank you . Keep it up❤

Its the parents fault!! You raised them!!

Daily future faking 😂 "I'll stop at the grocery store on the way home," and then they don't. Looking for the microphone! You're awesome, Roberta. Wait. Don't take that the wrong way 😅

There is also a astrologer who brings innocent people in a coercive control relationships with violence and after that they cry false crocodiletears while they have caused it. Take away your power destiny fate reversal and your star and light. They take you down to feel good about themselves, overcompensation and the victim survivor is conditioned to be the peoplepleasing part in the family or the familyscapegoat and the familyscapegoat can be in the outside world also be at risk. You are doing things agains your will and what you feel. You feel bad about the things you are doing and follow instructions blindly while you don"t feel good at it. Betrayal and abuse of trust is their trademark and the whole family and children are the same and also the outside world can do the same. In a dependency relationship emotional and financial. People who are in a vulnerable position. They make you feel less and are feeling superior. Feeling powerless. Take your power back. People who are experienced and who are understanding and non judgemental. In this relatonship you can"t function properly. Knowing the do"s and the don"ts from people who have practiced so it will succeed in practice. No contact to find an own identity where you can be free and feel free. Being on your own and feel finally free. People who understand this from the inside out and know where you are dealing with. . .

Listening to you makes me feel so stupid being used and manipulate by this person whom I give all years of my life . Only now I know the truth about his action .

❤i love this lady. ❤thank you so very much..

Exactly. My husband and I deal with a narcissistic stepson and he withholds our grandson when we stand up to him. It hurts but we don’t let him emotionally blackmail us anymore. We just say okay.

The last narco I was with accused me of doing all this stuff he was doing to me that you suggested in this video. He used these videos as info and “proof “ of what I was doing. He told me I was making him to feel like he was walking on eggshells even though that’s what he did to me. He really vilifies me to all his friends and fam. Makes me sound CRAZY. Accused me of being a stalker after he trained me to beg. I feel like a dog that lost all my dignity. It’s funny I started this mess of a “relationship” pretty self assured. But now I look like the toxic one. He got me to the point of crying one day wishes I said with my own words, “I’m not even worth knowing.” I felt worthless and he didn’t get that he did that to me, he’s didn’t other at all to tell me that wasn’t true. No later, months after the break up, he told me that himself, that I wasn’t worth knowing, he used my own sad words I spoke over myself aas an even more painful jab. And somehow the way he treated me was always my fault because of “the way I am.”

Dude they will lie on text and say i didn't lie or never deceive but bout 4 texts after that the proof is there that they lied. You can show em and then its how dare you insult my character when I'd never! It's absolutely insanity! Literally no point. I didnt see this in time because I told them to stay away from me my phone and that they were pathetic & theres no fckin excuse for it. Been ghost ever since. Literally their whole existence is a bunch of BS for no reason. Dont care if they want to paint me the bad guy or not someone needed to call it. Never in my life had I seen anything like it! It almost makes you feel like you're the crazy one and that it can't really be what they did/who they are/why they want to do it for but I definitely lost my cool & told em bout themselves. Dont see why the need to not say and protect their "fragile" selves?

My ex hijackal would say some of the most hurtful, mean, vile things to me. When he was hovering me back I would bring up the things he would say and he replied “I was just trying to hurt you” or “I was just protecting myself” protecting himself?? Yes they mean to hurt you.

A million thanks for this video. It moved me to tears, just to know I am not alone and someone else understands - I had no idea there were so many others. My heart breaks for all the parents who are suffering this pain, it really can be soul destroying at times. I have sought help so many times for this kid over the years, only to be discounted or have the blame put back on us - our other children have suffered much because of her, and as she is the eldest they have known nothing different but the torment of growing up with it. I thank God that they have turned out to be decent human beings despite it, but no doubt their childhood experience is clouded. It made me cry when you said that she will never change as that is the only hope I’ve been clinging to. She has a baby now and my heart breaks for him. Thankyou Dr.Shaler.

I love you. I just . JUST NOW QUIT RESEARCHING 10 YEARS. . I AM ON ME NOW. ❤❤❤❤❤❤ I LIKE VE THIS U LOVE YOU. THANK YOU

Spot on .. you nailed it... they'll keep you around for narc supply... and to buy them stuff... that's your position in their life... no advice... don't share your thoughts or life w/them... I'm just not interested in a relationship so selfish and shallow... It's even harder when it's your chlld... you can't replace them ... I just see that Dr. Shaler is no longer with us.. so sorry.. and sad.. she was excellent at helping people understand... God Bless Her!

Dr. Shaler passed away last April 2024.

I have learned as much from the comments as the video content.

Wow a lot of people commenting here are just awful. They judge strangers who they don’t know anything about! Just ignore their comments. They are full of hate and shame. Great video. Thank you for this.

The only effective and correct way to handle such situations is through judicial means and by enforcing the law. Period.

These self help vids are a necessity , my narc was a master manipulator and projector The craziness was mind blowing. He threatened sui&&cide if I ever left. He read my phone messages. He wanted my major passwords and he texted malicious texts to my contacts and friends to triangulate and create suspicion and chaos. He was a crook. Stole money from Me, gym lockers, his own family and his friends. Oh and the mood swings were impossible to deal with. He was evil. A sad human. These videos are great because none of us wants another narc in their life. I want to change who I just to avoid these abusers.

Doctor take care🙏

Thank you so much for this valuable information. It quite empowering. I presented a concern in a very mature way regarding boundaries and how I found his behavior disrespectful. He asked me why I had not presented the issue sooner. I explained I needed time to think about what happened and I did not feel safe expressing my concern for fear of his reaction. Well . . . Based on his past behaviors, he has given me the silent treatment. He cancelled our vacation and began the silent treatment. He knows we need to have a discussion to move forward but he refuses to communicate. On top of his disrespectful behavior . . . He adds stonewalling which is also disrespectful and abusive. No. I will not . . . did not beg, shame, apologize for sharing what I find to be disrespectful nor get angry. I did invite him out for dinner so we can have a discussion. Crickets 🦗🦗🦗🦗. So grateful I don’t live with him. He is my ex husband and we had planned to remarry but the same behaviors are still unresolved. We both agreed to go to counseling but stonewalling does nothing to resolve problems.

I replied to one of the posts regarding inheritance; however, I decided to post this not as a reply, but as a comment to be sure that it is not hidden. Anyone who thinks that a daughter who abandoned her mother in her old age should receive a single dime of inheritance is seriously delusional. PROVERBS 11:29 tells us: "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart." God is the ultimate authority on the subject of morality.

Thank you Doctor😢🙏❤️

Do they "care" about us?

I'm sorry, but the entire field of psychology is, imho, a scam. How many people have been "cured"? It is nothing more than applying logic and common sense to situations in life, with little scientific or physiological basis (with the exception of a few conditions that are brain chemistry based and can be helped with medication). I am sick and tired of the new constant use of words like "narcissist" and "triggers" and "toxic" that I can't even see straight. I think the good and well meaning doctor is simply giving good advice to people who have had the misfortune of experiencing betrayal from their own children. I'm sorry, but unless the child was grossly neglected or abused, there is simply zero excuse for disrespecting and abusing your parents. You don't have to agree with everything they say when you become an adult; however, you do have to respect them for caring and nurturing you for your entire childhood! What we are seeing is a cultural shift away from God and morality. It is as simple as that. If your adult child displays heinous behaviors toward you, then try to reason with them if possible. If they are abusive either financially and emotionally, then run like the wind as fast as you can. I realize this is heartbreaking, but you cannot force them to grow a conscience or love you. You must face reality and move on. This is a death - the death of your relationship with your own child. You must learn how to deal with the grief, but it won't last forever. If, in the future, they suddenly emerged as changed people, then rejoice. Don't keep "hoping" for that or you will drive yourself insane. Seek the companionship of those who actually like you. Join a gym and get some exercise, take a class, go shopping, join a club, join a church, etc. Move far away if you need to in order to put space between you. God bless and remember that God is your constant companion and supporter if you pray and ask Him for His help through this. You are NEVER alone.

You have help me a lot 2024, thank you so much. I don't have money to join. But I am so grateful! My kids are hurting me so much

Wow! What a wisdow! You surpassed any person I have heard! Bless u

I am hearing u! That's what I am living

Finally! After so many podcasts I heard the real thing

For anyone that sees this message please know that you can send the doctor your gratitude by leaving a message here or wishing her well in spirit. She truly left us all a precious gift with all these videos.

This is my narcissistic brother (62) with my poor father (87). After my mother died 7 years ago, my brother has been a monster. My mother kept him somewhat grounded, rightly or wrongly, but he’s out of control now. Manipulating dad constantly, blaming me for everything that is wrong in his life. He lives in a house that dad owns and doesn’t pay a penny although he knows he should. He blows out of control when he knows he’s not getting attention now. Before, he would go to see dad, speak about everything he was doing that dad Lo es to share, but never involve him in anything, pulling at my lonely dad’s heartstrings, giving him hope that one day they’ll do something together….. but my brother never does. It’s getting a bit worse now that a lawyer has served a rent agreement on my brother. He’s raged at dad. But I have hope now that I understand narcissist behaviour better and can gently explain to dad. It’s going to be painful and a bumpy ride. But I have hope for peace in dads last years with me. Thank you for such insight in this video, it really helps. Xx

my adult narcissistic son poisoned me on four different occasions last year. The last time I had an episode I was so sick the whole weekend that I made an appointment to see my gastroenterologist on Monday and she is the one that told me it was poisoning. when I came home from my appointment, my son immediately created chaos and ended up, leaving and moving out and I haven’t talked to him since . It breaks my heart every day .

I would say many parents are making their own bed. Many parents project their issues and their shadow side onto the children. The thing is if you have not set boundaries that are healthy from day one, when parents are leaving others to care for their children in the longest, where parents abandonen their children when they were small, chose a career in front of their kids, never where available, never hugged or loved and were present with their kids, where the parents themselves have unhealed issues and which they now project onto their children and who rebel against the parents 'tyranny' or their wants to keep being the 'parent' and 'know best' when as a matter of fact they have not earned that right. Parents where once children themselves, most imprints and inherited beliefs and behaviours will pass over to the kids if the parents DON'T TAKE RESPONSABILITY over their unhealed wounds. When they 'pass the bucket' to their children, which many do today in our lazy culture, they will reap what they sowed. There is no blame without projection, blaming is projection. I feel here people live in their heads and refuse to take ownership of maybe having failed their children. Time to wake up peeps. What you blame them for, you have, you are the other end of that very same mirror. When you realise this you will heal you own dis-eases. End off. x

I drank . I quit in 2017. My 43 yr son constantly calls me vulgar names. He brings up the past and blames all his adult problems on me. It's worse since I quit.

Because they are cowards weak losers and like anyone who is confronted with there bullshit they become ashamed a run and hide a way to think they have some sort of control when in reality they have nothing