Narcissists = REVENGE-Seekers
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- čas přidán 30. 07. 2023
- You may not think about it like that, AND, it's true. Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers. Whether the revenge is subtle or obvious, small or huge, it's still revenge. Once you see what I mean, you'll see it clearly in your relationship...and, I hope you won't un-see it! It's nasty.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
What revenge is
Why Hijackals use it
Why you may have absolutely NO idea what they are upset about yet you're the one who is being discounted, put-down, dismissed, and violated
How revenge relates to projection
How projection works
The third piece of the puzzle: rejection ....and around it goes again!
Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong you think they caused you. Hijackals® sometimes don't wait for you to do anything at all. There's just blame you anyway. Familiar? Yes, so they can be pursuing revenge for some slight they made up in their head while driving home. And, they believe their revenge is justified because they convinced themselves of the slight or threat...whether it happened or not! Yes, it IS nasty!
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Ultimately they are creating suffering for themselves by their vengefulness. They most likely won’t see it however others do. It’s very sad.
My overt narcissist brother did a smear campaign but it totally backfired and he lost a lot of family and friends. #Sa-weet
My husband and I just had our religious divorce. He sat opposite me and refused to even turn his head in my direction, he was like a stubborn child who didn’t get his way. He walked out 16 months ago, leaving our 22 year marriage because of his emotional affair. It was the second emotional affair with the same woman. I also believe her to be a Narcissist, but a ‘better’ one than he is. I don’t know why he hasn’t figured out that he’ll be husband number 5 for her, maybe he thinks that they are soul mates.
I really hope everything between them falls apart, especially as he treated myself and our children horribly before he walked out.
He refuses to accept his emotional infidelity and claims that he left because I threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave the house. Well, if you’re emotionally abusing your family and giving us all the silent treatment, but refuse to leave, what else is there to do.
I’m angry that he’s so focused on something that never bothered him after he walked out, but only when he’s justifying his actions to another 😔♥️
I guess the most oft time the reason for their revenge is: you have an own opinion 😂
You are doing a great job Dr. Shaler and your channel is criminally underrated ❤
My daughter tried to get revenge by letting her parents know she bought a new house and would be moving. She purposely left out the link for us to view the house and the address. Since we didn’t jump for joy and seek information, she gave us a phone call to “check-in.”
I was so proud of myself. I talked about various things she brought up and the new house but never asked for the address. It was months before we were invited over and then I asked for the address. I never searched to figure out where she was living. It feels so good to know how to handle these situations.
My husband told me he never got mad - he got even.
My hijackal estranged spouse has set off explosions of betrayal all over my life for the past 2.5 years using smear campaign, character assassination, public mock executions, and the most vile covert betrayals. Then he says he wants to reconcile. He made up a story that I have lost my mind because I enrolled in school, successfully earned a certification, and prepared myself for my beautiful hijackal free future.
Explosions of betrayal. Well said!
They’re behavior is actually funny if it didn’t hurt so much.
My wife always thinks that I am being negative towards her or acting maliciously towards her - even if I am asking her if she knows what the weather forecast is
Yes. You made me think of my mom. I took care of her anyway. She passed about a year and a half ago. Thank you for making me realize so much of what I experienced was totally not my fault.
Thank you.
There is so much love, empathy, and compassion in your voice I just want to send you a hug.
Thank yoy Doctor.
Yes it is HUGE. HUGE when you can finally say and know , you are / have been emotionally ABUSED.
it is truly the beginning of healing. Thankyou Dr. SHALER for the love and knowledge you give, to me and ALL the victims of this Abuse.
My wife drinks white wine predominantly….I drink red. One evening we were enjoying some music after dinner and I decided I had had enough wine and so put a stopper in the bottle of red wine….. forgetting that for once my wife was also drinking red. The resulting rage aimed at me for having ruined the atmosphere of the evening was incredibl(y childish) and totally over the top…….
Thanks so much, this sweetly articulates what I knew about my former wife, I have shared this with my adult daughter who shares a house with her. It is so nice to realise that there are probably so many other people experiencing the same thing we have, we won't feel so alone and isolated by her behaviour anymore as there are so many other people who understand what we have gone through.
My Narcissistic father informed me when I was 11 years old that I would never get a dime of his money. I remember wondering why he would say this to me? Fast forward 50 years later, he left everything to his girlfriend.
Of all the channels that help with this kind of abuse, this is honestly the one that has helped me the most. Ive grown so much in just the last few months that I have been watching you, a lot of the advice i have received has made a huge difference in how I deal with the hijackls in my own life. Thank you so much for making these videos
Yes, not only happens in families, but all groups community, colleague, and professional projection. What can change it? How do you escape the massive impact in society? I miss you, Rhoberta. You left a lot of help. Thank you.
I call it , being zeroed out.
My NM zeros out EVERYTHING I’ve done to help her, for a comment about chicken .
Hi Dr Shaler
Great topic thank you ❤
Thank you Dr. Shaler🥂❤️
A homeless couple moved into my house when the county told me to take down their tent from my front yard. Feeling blackmailed, I let them inside because they had nowhere to go. Suddenly, they are changing locks on my doors, accusing me of evil intentions to break into their things, screaming at me late at night for not appreciating them, and refusing to leave. They seem to feel entitled to have things the way they want in the house and accuse me of changing things to harm them. They use my utilities "freely" and forbid me to tell others that I am "carrying them" financially. I want to cut off my internet access to them to encourage them to leave, but I am terrified of their reaction. I see how vengeful they have become just because I let them into my house until they could find another place to go. I don't know how to take steps to protect myself from their revenge when doing so will bring on their revenge. Any advice? P.S. Law enforcement is not willing to help.
My grandson and I had a very good relationship until he got married at age 39. I have bent over backwards and tried to be a good mother-in-law.. I have been put down been spoken hatefully too, had absolutely no respect. I have been studying this and I have come to the conclusion she hast to be a high Jekyll. I am so worried about my son now she has convinced to call me very often. I haven’t booked. What do I do to maintain my relationship with him?
Is there such a thingy as a faithful or monogamous narcissist? Cuz I seriously doubt there is, and the few in my past were the biggest cheaters I know.
Yes, I've dated 3 that were incredibly "loyal," as in they didn't start an emotional affair while i was speaking to them, but each did use their sexual history to put me down or make me feel inadequate. The triangulation was via my family members instead.
In each of those situations, I prayed that the man would decide I was "empty" and would go find another source and move on, lose interest. I think it was a case of the entitlement in addition to the warped reality, each believed they had me totally "under control." They really were in total denial that I had a separate perspective and narrative from theirs. None understood that it was actually optional for me to opt into being in a relationship with them; none ever tried to actually address my concerns nor my tears until they were fully ghosted and couldn't get a hold of me. Each claimed that they treated me "so well," yet I had clearly and directly asked each one to please treat me like a stranger (bc they were kind to strangers who didn't know them), that I hated the relationship dynamics (yet loved them), and that I was unhappy and didn't want to be there anymore.
I remember my ex husband (covert, more histrionic traits) laughing at my crying after a fight; I said I felt like it meant that we would not be able to stay together. He was laughing bc he was in such denial, he believed I was crying because I was worried he would leave me due to my ethical stance in that fight. It literally did not cross his mind that I could and would leave him (he had essentially revealed that he couldn't comprehend why racism was wrong, which was so gross to me!!) I ended up needing to get a PFA on him, he felt like he owned me and refused to leave for months, until he was evicted from my mother's home.
Another (overt, got to me in HS and I was desperate to leave home), when I left, I didn't want him to know where I was. He believed a rumor that I was out of state and I didn't correct him. I had multiple people tell me I could not stay on their couch bc he had dropped me off once before, and they didn't want him showing up. I was told that he does the same to his current captive that he did to me; he diminishes her by comparing her to how & what I did. He really was incredibly lazy. I was replaced within 6mos, the next one was moved in, and she was a lot like I had been. I do think he had her in mind, and had made sure to stay in her good graces, but he didn't bother to get her tied into a dynamic with him until I actually moved out. He tried for a few months and then quit.
The third (covert, more antisocial traits) is so traumatized he didn't know his own needs. So he didn't make demands of me, but the entitlement and warped narrative was still there (still showing up according to usual when he hadn't messaged me at all in days and we had separated on a sour note. Normalized neglect. Dismissed any expression of negative emotions, and was very defensive about my emotions). He thought I needed him, that it was more convenient to be with him than not. He should have paid closer attention to that balance; eventually, a ride to the grocery store isn't going to make up for emotional abuse.
Thankyou for sharing your experiences, its not a coincidence the way these people act is it..
I have question about affairs What happen if i starting seeing my ex boyfriend Stephen behind morgan back texting and meeting up and calling on phone and watching films and hugging and kissing and holding hands without never never having no sex turn out not to be affair because their isn't sex involved my affair no sex one i hate word and i am not interested in it and i am romantic girl?
hello. hope your are doing well