That first story SCREAMED grooming/abuse. She was 18/19 when she met him, and he was 28. That's a huge age gap. They were married when she was 20, and he was 30. Then, she gets into how he controls all the finances? This poor woman is going to need to do some major healing after this, and I hope she comes out okay.
I wouldn’t call it grooming but it certainly was suspicious, I’ve seen stories where one person is much older than another in the relationship and the older person ends up dumping the younger one because they’ve aged a bit and goes after someone else. Or they just turn abusive in some other way shape or form.
A lot of people would still have that same thought if the younger partner is in their early twenties. That age is a huge developmental period for most people as most people’s brain development isn’t finished until 25. If you’ve already been an adult for 10 years while I’ve just reached adulthood, you’re either having a crisis about feeling old, an oblivious creep or an intentional creep.
My heart broke for the 2nd OP. He went through so much because his dad abandoned him. He's a much better person than I ever will be. Heck, it must have been such a slap in the face because the dad wanted OP to meet the happy family he built while OP suffered through abusive and neglectful foster homes. I bet "Dad" was only reaching out because he wanted something.
As much as that letter might have helped he should either give it him. Or just mail it to him. It might help him even more than just writing it down. And tell him that he'd rather not interact with him now.
if the dad is anything like my dad he probably is just totally clueless. he probably is getting all nostalgic and thinks that he's a good guy and that it's the 'right thing' to do, to connect with his long lost son. He's honestly probably an idiot.
First story: 26-7 is 19. 35-7 is 28. 28-7 is 21. So OP was 19 when she met her husband, who was near 30. And her so-called best friend, then 21 years old, "knew (her) husband before (her) and they were incredibly close before (she) even knew him." What really gets me is the "I'm terrified as I've known him for most of my adult life and he is the only man I've ever been with." Girl, that is THE POINT. That is the ENTIRE point! THIS is why he waited until you were pregnant! He wanted you to feel trapped. He controls all of your finances and you don't know how to do anything FOR A REASON, and that reason is to keep you there out of fear! If you have that kid that man will make sure that you regret it every step of the way until that child is legally old enough to be let go of. Neither you nor that kid deserve a life like that. I'd be surprised if no one in OP's life told them this relationship was a bad idea. If everyone was cool with it, then everyone failed her. If she pushed on anyway, she failed herself. Either way, being tethered to someone like this via child is the absolute worst outcome, so I hope she gets out ASAP.
no hate, just information! the formula for the youngest you can date is (n/2)+7 the formula for the oldest you can date is (n-7)*2 n (age) is always rounded up to the next even number unless you are a teen it has to be a formula to avoid grossness
@@WesternBache Yeah that formula really falls apart at younger ages, like the youngest a 12 year old can date is 13, but the oldest is 10... I think the math implies people under 14 should not be dating at all, which checks out.
Thank you! I came to the comments looking for someone to point out ages here. I guess Rslash didn’t notice or pick up on it. A 28yo dude isolating a 19 year old girl like that? Yikes!
@@WesternBache i kinda hate that formula bc it still results in some nastiness i did that formula and the youngest im "allowed" to date is 17, and the oldest is 28. im 21. there is no reason for a 21 year old to date a 17 year old, and 21 vs 28? one just started being an adult not too long ago and the other is nearly 30. no thanks 💀 of course i know this formula is simply a suggestion and that i don't HAVE to use it, but still.
third/last story : NTA, you're allowed to have whoever you want at your party, just like they didn't invite you to their wedding. It's weird how they didn't invite you and then the reason being "you're too old" ... It's not like you're 60. They totally are narcissists.
It sounds to me like OP was making the Christmas party to expect things in return, not to have a good time with the people they like, at the end the wedding couple are asholes but OP was not making the party out of the kindness of his heart
Why does age even have anything to do with it? This is about a wedding, were parents of the bride and groom not invited? Aunts and uncles or grandparents? The reception however may well be different if there were actually a large age difference not 5-6 years difference. Plus using the age as an issue following the "small" 200 guest wedding excuse makes both excuses ring false.
@@Richard_Nickerson i mean that in general, not only for that particular scenario of the wedding, op expects people to reciprocate his hosting party and wasn't doing it just for the sake of giving people a good time
@@francescaperron2003 hugs! You're awesome! It's hard to get over all that, but it takes a special kind of strong,to make it! I'm wishing you all the best! You rock!
That second story is exactly why I want to adopt older kids / kids who've been in the system for so long. I just want to give them a safe home and a parent that will always be there for them. I hope I'll be able to do that one day.
Same, and I know it won't be easy either. A lot of foster kids, especially ones who have been in the system so long, tend to be more defiant. They do it because they likely think, "What's the use?" They'll age out and have no one, so why bother trying to make friends or have a family when they'll just be thrown out once they're 18. Most people foster babies or little kids because they feel it's easier and that those kids won't be as much trouble as a teen would. Which isn't true either. Those babies and little kids also have issues, and they'll also be as much trouble. Only difference is they're easier to control when they act out. The video "Child of Rage" on CZcams is of a little girl who was r*ped as a baby, and at that moment of filming the only thing she wanted to do in life was hurt others, just like how she was hurt. Others likely would've seen her as a problem child, had her taken back by the agency, but her adoptive parents realized the issue and got her help.
my grandma did something similar she fostered and adopted two boys who became my adopted uncles years later, shes done so many things in life that I never knew that I inspired to be someday and adopting is one of them
Story 1: Why is nobody talking about, that OP met him, when she was 19 & he was 28? No wonder he is in control of finances and everything else. He manipulated a young girl into all of that & in the exact moment she had a reason to stay with him forever, he shows his true self. Disgusting.
Not to mention that her so-called "best friend" he was close to was only two years older than OP. So that person he was already close to by the time OP and him met was 21 at the time.
Not grooming. Because you choose a baby bottle well into your 20s, doesn't mean life is that way. Meet a young mother then meet you.... one is an adult, and you are afraid to be an adult. While age brings experience and there are real gaps in life knowledge, stop infantalizing women. She is an adult and made choices that have consequences she has to learn from. She f-ed up by marrying someone who slept with her best friend. What did she expect? Now she knows the hard way.
@@dudeorduuude5211 no need to blame the victim. How exactly are you going to identify a person that is gonna cheat on you in the future? Most of the time you can't! And here comes the age into play. A person who is older & had more life experiences could have picked up on some red flags, but a 19 year old who wasn't with anyone else before couldn't. That's exactly why we saw this relationship as problematic. Is it grooming? I don't know, but he did definitely took advantage of her young age & no experience. So no, she didn't f** up anything, HE did.
During the ‘80’s and ‘90’s we gave a big Christmas party each year. As the years passed I realized that our friends started to think of this party as their party also. Around Halloween I started getting questions about when was our party scheduled for. The party was very labor intensive as well as costing quite a bit. I also noticed that we weren’t invited to any parties at their homes during the rest of the year. When I asked about it everyone was a bit confused because they considered our party as being everyone’s event so they didn’t have to reciprocate. One year I got fed up and we decided to not host that year. I actually got calls asking why we weren’t hosting the party but they were flabbergasted when I said that we were tired of never getting invited to anyone’s events during the rest of the year. Very few people were embarrassed, the rest were resentful that we cancelled “their” party!
What hypocrites. I would've invited you guys to my party, even if it was just a game night. And I would've also chipped in some way for the Christmas party, like bringing food/drinks, help decorate, or ask how much I should contribute financially if it was a hard year for you and your family. But given that I was born in the early 90s I don't think Monopoly money would've helped 😂
What entitled jerks! You deserved better friends, since that group so rudely took you and your parties for granted. I can't imagine demanding that someone else throw a party and invite me. Those people had some serious nerve to complain to you. Good for you for confronting them! 💙
That's so rude, how could they go to your party and never invite you to their parties. I come from a family that when you are brought in your treated like family and are invited to every holiday event.
Honestly, I thought the last couple was just awkward, but then hearing about them throwing the party at the same time as OP just to take away guests just completely pushes it over the edge
Take note people: If your partner suddenly starts asking you for a poly relationship, there is a high chance that they are already cheating on you. It never fails.
Polyam and open relationships aren’t the same. People can go into poly relationships and be completely happy. I’m fact, almost all relationships like that start after two people are together. The first relationship isn’t polyam or even open. It’s just cheating.
Yeah if they ask this multiple times like the guy did your relationship is over. If they're not already cheating they will be soon and either way the relationship is on borrowed time.
@@lizzymandile2022 The thing is that polyam and open relationships don't work. Anyone trying to do these things either has issues or is checked out of the relationship.
The second story has me crying my eyes out. My father left me also, and I was raised in a very abusive home. I never went through what OP went through -- different things and some the same. A lot of this story really hit home.
Makes me wonder if the best friend couldn't have kids. So they came up with a sick and twisted way to have kids even choosing op for what ever reason for the future kids.
@@gemrock Look, I understand that it’s not the best form to tell an infertile woman to “just adopt”, but seriously, to be so against adoption that you’ll pull off a scheme like this? Ugh! I know we don’t know the truth of the situation and if that was even a plan, but still.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 I'm hoping that wasn't the plan it was just a theory on my part. Unfortunately some people are nuts enough to try something like that. But either way that paire of exs would be worse kind of people to share a baby with. I hope if op did decide to keep the baby she has main custody with supervised visits.
OP "I love my husband and all that he's done for me" what did he do for you?? 🤨 that's so suspicious! He controls all the finances? She was 19 and he was 28 when they met?? This sounds so weird, hope she's free now!
If the relationship wasn't Poly from the beginning they have no business changing it this late in the game. You have a wife who obviously wants to stay monogamous and you want to fuck that up because of what... sexual needs that don't have to be satisfied that you can do without
Does she really expect us to believe that dude never showed any red flags? We all know that women go only for preselected men, put an incel, or a dude that had one girlfriend at best who is 30+ and I can guarantee you she will reject him on the spot. She gave us just enough details where she is the only innocent victim.
I agree, if the couple hasn't established that the relationship is allowed to become poly BEFORE they get together, then they have no business being a couple in the first place. Polyamory is something to discuss beforehand or very early in the relationship, not after five years and a marriage. EDIT: missing words
Yeah it's so crazy. I'm sure there is a lot wrong in ours too but in the U.S they make people who want to adopt a child pay as much as a whole few tries with IVF would cost or more. But then they place kids in houses to foster they must know are just doing it for the money and do not even throw kids birthday parties or christmas or let them eat what they want. Like the old baby farmers in the england.
@@Iflie I think that unless a 'parent' gives up their parental rights and agrees to adopt the child out then the child is stuck with foster care. Some kids are stuck in the system for their entire childhoods with no chance of adoption and the security of a forever home because those that birthed them are too selfish to do the right thing by them.
@@It-is-me...Melsie Yeah I'm amazed that they can take a newborn baby because the parent messed up so bad but then hop that baby from family to family when there would be dozens of families that would love to raise that baby right. Many kids are also taken from parents, put back with them again and again while they fail. Fosterparents have to sit and watch all that and sometimes that child dies a horrible death while no one kistens to the warnings of the foster parents.
@@melodysmusicaladventures596 Agreed - I think, likely what you were indicating too, the only real 'right thing' is what is right for OP. In this case, OP did the right thing. I think that if OP had sent a message to the bio-dad in the hopes of apology or atonement on the part of bio-dad that might ultimately been more harmful to OP because it's unlikely bio-dad would have done right by OP in that situation. But, OP opted for 'here is the bad energy you dumped on me when I was four years old. You can have it back now. Deal with it. I have moved on and am happy in my life without you.' To me, that seemed like a healthy, 'right' way to go. But, I agree, even if OP opted to go the opposite direction, if that was right for OP then that was right for OP. As you noted, it's complicated when there is no objective 'right thing'.
Okay but as someone who has done this exact same thing under similar circumstances it hits so much harder in their guilt if you have the most politely worded most respectful letter because they know they didn't have a hand in raising the person you are today and have no claim over you and you going to watch their face crumble as they read it I just wish if he could have gotten that
We don't even know why the dad left. For all we know, he was in a worse state than his mom. Regardless, OP sounds like someone who should be in some form of therapy. OP has clear anger/trust issues, and there is always the danger of that not remaining focused on his dad.
The way I would've made a scene at the restaurant if I was OP in the first story. "I'm pregnant with your child and you want to sleep with my best friend?! You are a disgusting man." and just left. The amount of disrespect the husband has been giving is astonishing.
Story 3: So they don't invite OP to the wedding, and then they complain when OP doesn't invite them to the Christmas Party, and then try to upstage said party. Like, the peck is their problem? Narcissism? And the "Slightly older" excuse that the gossiping came to a consensus of is also bizarre. Like, what's the problem with being a little older?
I'm wondering if the couple in story 3 is gay. OP didn't mention their own gender and used partner rather than husband or boyfriend. Which would suggest that homophobia might be involved.
@Ikajo In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.
@@crimsonblood1173 I was just wondering since OP decided to not mention their gender. Of course, their "friends" were in the wrong either way, but if it just might explain the oddity of it all.
They announced their engagement at Op's party they should have the courtesy to extend an invitation I don't care how small the wedding actually was it was Op's home and party that they exploited for their engagement announcement the very least they can do is invite Op to the wedding
I've heard the last story before, and there was conjecture that the offending couple never saw OP's parties as private events, but rather, a community event. Which, explains a lot about their behaviour, but still doesn't explain how they came to that point of view. My guess is that their brains are available for lease, but no-one's shown interest in taking occupancy.
@@akl2k7 Sounds like Mia should have put her big girl panties on and asked her friend herself if that was the case. I wonder if that's ever gone over well? The whole thing is just horrendously distasteful.
14:00 They met at your party yet didn’t invite you. I met my husband through a Facebook group for those that lost a spouse. My friend told me about the group and invited me. I credited her with meeting him and marrying. She was not only invited, she was my maid of honor
Yeah, I remember a video he did (I think it was r/EntitledParents) where a couple showed up and basically tried to 'kidnap' the daughter they abandoned (it was on China, back during the only-child rule, and she was their second child) just to get the kidney for the son they had after abandoning her; Some people are disgusting, and shouldn't be allowed to have kids if they'll only treat them bad and go after them when they need something. OP's father in the second story isn't better than the foster parents that abused OP and only kept him for the check. OP's mother may have been a drug addict, but I can see she at least tried to be a good mother. His father on other hand deserves no sympathy.
“Yeah OP’s Christmas parties are awesome! It’s so cool you guess met that way. I bet OP loves that story! Hey, where is OP? Are they not here?” Bride: [I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that]
Fantastic video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, I am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but I just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why I am bring this here for, I cant stop thinking about her
the 2nd op is a better person than me considering i would have either told the man in his face about all the things everything written in the note or go into much greater detail of the horrors op suffered if i were in their shoes
With the story of the husband who kept on asking OP if she was willing to have 3-some the best friend. As soon as I started to think that the husband and best friend were getting together all that time, it was confirmed in the story that they were.
Ok, here's some odd timing. For years I went never hearing about poly relationships. Then I found out that my friend's wife was cheating on him during their whole relationship. When he found out, she said she wanted a poly relationship. He said he wasn't comfortable with that and suggested couples counseling. She got mad. Also, she told all of her partners that she's poly and that her husband was cool with it, when my friend had no idea. Now, he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. Praise God they didn't have children so she can't use that against him. Now for the odd timing: once this mess started, I started hearing story after story about a married couple, one wanting a poly relationship, not saying open, specifically saying poly, and it ruining everything.
Yeah so I've been poly/non-monogamous for like...well over a decade. And I gotta tell ya, if you're in a monogamous relationship, it needs to end monogamous. Same if you begin a poly relationship. And people need to think about it! You need to know this is something that you want. For example, my sister has been with the same guy for like...almost twenty years? She's 100% a monogamous person. I'm not. Neither is a bad thing. But you can't just decide you wanna be poly while in the middle of a committed, monogamous relationship and expect it to work. Every one of these r/slash stories has confirmed what I already knew. Fucking sad, tbh.
@livingthelie Man, I love this. When I started dating my current girlfriend, I asked if she would be ok with a poly relationship. I am very poly. I have a lot of love to give and like having multiple partners. But, she said she wasn't comfortable with the idea of me dating other people, which is completely OK. So I'm not. I don't have to be in a poly relationship to be happy. It's not a deal breaker for me. So, I'm exclusive to my girlfriend, and she's exclusive to me. I would never ask, again, for a poly relationship because that was not the expectation we made with our relationship, even if I would like one. Period.
Story 1: OP the first step is to get out of the house explain to your parents what's happening move out of the house. Take some time to relax and clear your head of all of this, then really examine all your options, you have them you just need to examine them. Also don't talk to him outside of when you have to, he shamelessly cheated on you and the cover his tracks he tried to get you to agree to a three-way, this is the kind of guy that will do anything to get you back so don't let him get the opportunity.
Last story: What are the odds that the couple that weren't invited to the Christmas party were going to announce the wife's pregnancy there and were upset that they couldn't get the hat trick?
story 2 hits close to home for me. My Dad left when I was 7. He left 4 kids and a stay at home mum with nothing in a country we had no family in and my mum had no work experience in. We lived in poverty most of my life, having to go to soup kitchens and anywhere there was a free meal just to eat every day. My mum would sometimes work from 7am to 7pm at night. One day when I was a teen he tried emailing me, most likely drunk and thinking this was a good idea. I did the same as OP and let him know how hard things been. His response? Oh well he's basically been a sugar baby to his girlfriend and I couldn't possibly know how hard it was to have to rely on her. He says as he lives in a cottage in Austria, goes motorbiking with friends, goes on fishing trips and writes poetry. 🙄 He blamed me for not keeping in contact with him when I was 7 in 2001. To say I have not much sympathy for the guy is an understatement. He was trying to get to know me again a couple years ago bit honestly I need an apology. I need him to acknowledge his mistakes. Other wise he will always be some weird stranger to me.
Last Story : The fact that the younger couple didn't in vote the very people who introduced them to their wedding is bizarre. There has GOT to be something else going on. Whether its was something intentional or an misunderstanding, but if its nothing... Its just weird.
I lost track of the number of red flags signaling cheating before the update on the first story. OP said no and that should've been the end of everything. With the second story, OP had every right to unload on their bio dad. His dad bailed on him in every way, even signing away his rights as a father and outright refusing to come to him when he had no one left, and just decides now is the time to enter his life? I will give OP props for going the way they did. Third story, it started as NTA and solidified into NTA because seriously? It definitely comes up as the other duo coming off as attention hungry. OP would've gotten a lot of it if they went to the marriage with people asking when the next one was and such.
That first story. I can’t be the only one slightly skeeved that this 28 year old guy was dating an 18/19 year old? Glad she is going to be running far far away
Story number 2: OP is more of a man then I am. I would have been spiteful if I was in his shoes; I would have gone to meet his new family and told them the story right in front of the father, and then left right after.
@@dudeorduuude5211 any relationship can be messy, there are very functional and happy poly relationships where all involved communicate and trust eachother and there are nasty mono relationships
The second story: as someone who has an egg donor and sperm donor I understand wanting to face them and tell them what they did. How what they did affect your life and how life was so cruel to you. They deserve to know and to at least feel the pain even just a shred of it.
Story 3: I don't think the friends actually value op. First, they get engaged at the Christmas party, which op seems to infer was unexpected, and because op didn't make a fuss, the friends just carried on, op's silence was probably seen as permission to them. They didn't invite op to the wedding because its the party which they care about, not op. They don't consider how not inviting op will affect them, considering the fact that op helped get them together in the first place. The party means more to then than op does, which is why they're showing blatant double standards to what op is doing
Second story wow just wow I am seriously disgusted by op’s father abounded him and his mother letting his mother die and him in abused foster home and now he is coming back like a flower and have a relationship with him and his siblings nah op I love the letter you wrote to your father I hope it hurt him as much as possible
My theory for the last story is maaaybe just based on ops language (using the term "partner") that op and his partner are maybe lgbtq+ and the couple didn't want them there because of it. Either bc of their own hypocrisy or maybe due to their families/other social circles. Another theory is that they're entitled and didn't want op to feel like they owed op anything (which imo is even dumber)
In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.
I met my dad when I was 42, but he didn’t even know I existed. He was very angry that my mom never told him about me. But after a couple of days after finding out about me, he turned his hate to gratitude that she didn’t have an abortion. I, too, spent time in foster care but I was not mistreated, thankfully. They were fairly decent to me. I really feel for this young man and many, many like him. Whatever he chooses to do regarding his bio dad, he’s justified! I hope he continues to heal.
OP in story #1 If your partner or spouse ever gives any indication (no matter how small) that they are sexually interested in others/someone else, that is the end of that relationship. There is nothing you can do in that situation and you need to maintain your dignity and self respect. Don't put yourself through that. Ghost their ass.
So the Dad in the second story's response to being asked if he'd take in his OWN BIO SON... "Hey, OP. How are you? It's been SOOO long! I didn't NEED you because I wanted to live a NEW life! Right now, I'm living the PERFECT life with my NEW wife and children! But years have passed and you're an adult now. I was wondering if you'd be interested in having a better bond with me. We'll do Father/Son stuff now, and just laugh this ALL away!" Like OMG, what a DESPICABLE and DISGUSTING DEADBEAT DAD! He ABANDONED his son, WILLINGLY! HE'S the one who allowed OP to suffer years of HELL! At this point, OP's Dad isn't even a FATHER, and he's lost ALL respect and title in OP's eyes. And Jack here just decides that NOW is a "Great time" to get to know his son again, AFTER ABANDONING HIM TO YEARS OF ABUSE. Also, if OP thinks about it, he can take the foster system AND the so called foster parents to court and sue them for child endangerment, child abuse, starvation, imprisonment and more! The Dad DESERVES the karma from OP, but the foster parents AND foster system needs to be punished as well! I hope that someone will finally get the foster system straightened up: Better people, the place actually being a safe place for kids AND having the wannabe "parents" interviewed and investigated thoroughly, in case they're one of those people who only cared about money and using their kids as ATMs.
that man knows exactly what he is doing. he preyed on a younger woman he could control and got her pregnant hoping to solidify his control and get everything he wanted. this is SUPER common. Abusers do this so often that pregnancy is the riskiest time for a woman for murder and physical harm as well as other forms of manipulations, coercion, emotional and financial abuse.
OMG! This is horrific. Me and my wife were foster carers for 10 years. One of our longest children is profoundly deaf. Me and my wife both learned BSL My wife is conversational, if fluid!! We are still in contact with EVERY long term child we've looked after...
The couple in the last story sounds like a friend I used to have. We were, in her own words, best friends, for 7 years then one day out of nowhere I started getting blocked on every form of social media and to this day, 3 yeaes later she's never told me why we are no longer friends...
@@hurricanemarigolds2818 Honestly maybe but I doubt it she was always kinda crazy irrational and easily angered for no reason. We had another male friend that she absolutely hated his girlfriend, now wife, because they apparently were sexting and he stopped that with her when he got with his girl
Story 2: You have to wonder why stuff like this happens, like someone just up and leaves a kid. And the foster parents, why are there abusive foster parents?
that's the foster system it's so broken and they're looking for so many people to take care of foster children that they don't check whether the family is suitable so many children end up with bad families
Money is definitely part of it, but I don't think you can dismiss the innate human ability to bullshit ourselves. I would wager a majority of those abusive foster parents believe they're doing good. Believe that they are a positive influence in those children's lives. That they're providing for them, teaching them discipline. Which is chilling in a way I don't want to think about right now.
I really like when rslash covers bestof, but I wish these had more satisfying endings. I also hope all of these OPs are doing ok, especially the first story
For me its the way i end the day XD i like watching the videos while eating dinner and then going to bed its become a habit that I’ve done in the last 2 years !!
Third story: OP's "friends" are narcissist hypocrites. They meet in OP's party, decide to invite (for what the gossip and OP found out) some random people instead of OP, get mad when OP decides to simply not invite them to his party, and then makes up their own party to try to 'steal' guests from OP's party? Won't surprise me if their way of acting ends up making them lose not only OP's friendship, but other people's friendships, and that if they ever get children, end up in r/EntitledParents somewhere down the line.
That last story is super weird. It’s like, okay you didn’t invite us to the wedding. But why? They just don’t have a reason on why not to. Not that it’s an inherently wrong thing it’s just super weird to not invite important people and to not have a reason.
Have to admit I’m happy to hear she’s considering abortion… honestly if she keeps that child it would just be a reminder and probably be used to hurt her by him.
11:23 OP sounds like the one kind that would have made a wedding feel more special. Throwing in the same amount of energy!! Those two can get butthurt all they want about OP. They both refused to invite
He’s older and wiser since he abandoned his first born. Having now actually raised his other kids has shown him that he’s a POS. He reached out to his first born hoping to get some absolution. Like “ even though you didn’t stick around my life turned out great. So we’re good. Thanks Dad” kind of self deluding bs. If the bio dad is a real prick. Then he read the letter, and after a few days. He’ll convince himself that abandoning that “little jerk and his drug addict mom” was the right move and he’s with his “real family”. I, also, want to say I don’t care what the reasons for his bio dad doing all this. I mean it’s more than likely was a drug addict himself. When the mom died that he himself was still strung out on heroine. But you know what? Don’t care. Everyone has an excuse for being crap.
@@audreym3908 yeah, I agree. I’m proud to see he has turned his life around. Hope, he never looks back or spends time with his half siblings. It’ll just drive that knife deeper seeing they had a good life.
@@critica77y77it isnt a child its a zygote that doesnt even have higher thinking until many months in You would rather have a child be born jnto a broken home with a mother who cant support him splitting custody with a father who probably wont even love him or will continue to be an exploiting piece of garbage just so you can stick to your holier than thou christian values? That she should have to pick up the slack taking care of a child that will be used to hurt her while giving the father no consequences? You and your kind are the selfish ones.
Story 1. There is a difference between a Polygamous relationship and just a 3some. This is the ladder. A Polygamous relationship is like a Mono relationship but more people are involved rather it's for Emotional or sexual support. And everyone knows about eachother and it was there since day 1💀
We just had Cyclone Gabrielle tear through our town a week ago, we had no power or phone coverage up until last night. Being able to listen to these stories again is a good step back to normalcy. We usually have them on while cleaning up after dinner. It's so good to be listening again!
I feel for OP in the 2nd story, and I have a lot of similar experiences with family, foster care, and still carrying these negative feelings all of these years later. I hope that OP can find the peace that they need, and build a better support system. Best of luck to you OP ❤️
On the last story, given the vagueness used of ‘partner’ and ‘they’ to refer to OP’s partner as opposed to ‘spouse’ ‘wife’ or ‘he/she’ I’m going to guess it is a same sex relationship and it could be that the friends didn’t want a same sex couple at their wedding, either for personal bigotry or to avoid offending bigoted family. Just a hunch.
Thing is about poly relationships, it needs to be a conversation you have in the beginning of the relationship. If it’s something you want to try later on you need to be open and honest, especially if you or your partner already has someone in mind. People who use polyamory as an excuse to cheat on their partners and get away with it are disgusting.
I have friends who are in poly relationships. The thing with polyamory is this: Both partners must consent and if one doesn't want to, then either their partner must respect that or break up. I kinda suspected that the husband was cheating but wtf did he expect?? SHE'S PREGNANT!! She's more focused on their baby and marriage, not threesomes. Plus the friend knew better than to pull this stunt. I honestly won't be surprised if they get together after OP's divorce. I hope OP will be okay.
All I can think of for that third story is that the husband feels insecure since his wife was friends with OP for so long (longer that he’s known her) or vice-versa with the wife feeling insecure about the husband.
As an adult who spent her time in foster care, that second story hurts me. People think of foster care as this great, wonderful thing for kids to have a family when 9 times out of 10 that "family" treats you as a cash cow. They get money to take care of you and treat you like shit whilst spending that money on themselves most of the time. I only had one good foster family when I was a kid, ONE! Out of the 10 families I had lived with, only one was nice.
first story : Yep, not surprised they had been seeing each others behind your back. He totally wanted a 3 way to make it "legitimate". Divorce and abort, cut everything related to him out of your life. Disgusting behavior from both of them, like rSlash said, he got you pregnant just so you had more to lose and could be more easily coerced into it.
1st story: Man, what a way to spit on somebody's face. Now add on top they KNOW OP is pregnant. Wouldn't be surprised if they keep cheating since day 1 of their relationship. Some people are F up in the head man. 3rd story: My dad is literally the exact same, ditch my mom, sister and me, lived his life, then tried to scam my mom while still raising to kids, now, 20 ish years later, conveniently when me and my sister are fully adults, he wants to try to be a dad and "make amends, as well as to meet my half siblings", my sister was the first to tell him to eat dirt, I tried to give him numerous chance,but after numerous dissapointments, I told him to eat dirt as well and both are NC.. So,basically, nothing changed. Thankfully, my mom isn't a drug addict, and did raise me and my sister. I dare to say I am lucky. I am glad OP is doing better now. He definitely answer more mature than me, lol. 4th story: Lmao. Hey, they sow what they planted, you don't get to ghost someone then act surprise when they don't want contact either
I'm trying to imagine not inviting a close friend to my wedding and then getting all mad at them when they don't invite me to their next event they're hosting. Logic 100
As a poly person I dislike the fact that the first story was framed as being poly relationship, it straight up wasn't. It was about a guy cheating on his wife with another women. At most you could have said he was asking for an open relationship with that women, but he did it behind the OP's back which is not what being poly is about.
Second story: I would have accepted his invitation to meet my siblings. Commit to telling all of them all of your stories in detail. Affirm that your father is the one to blame and that you wanted to make sure they know what kind of man he is. Then, bid them good day and ask that they never attempt to contact you. But I'm Petty Betty ❤
The last story OP is the kind of guy who shares his home and lifestyle with friends and family, and while he's a very nice guy, I have zero doubt the couple at odds mostly see him as a benefactor versus a friend. Someone who, by spending time with them, they can enjoy things above their current affordability.
I have a hard time understanding how there are any abusive foster families never mind that there seems to be so many abusive ones, shouldn't there be some sort of screening process because it seems like anyone can sign up to be a foster parent.
@@stevenstiffler6848 And I'm wondering why the government agency that is giving them that money isn't doing anything like screening to avoid what appears to be a pretty common problem.
@@Reuraku because all the pro life people don’t give a fuck after the child is born they only care about preventing abortion but once the kid comes out of the mom they’re on their own. CPS is a shit show and the government could give less of a fuck about unwanted children.
On the last story, I think that op wasn't invited because they dont really consider a friend to the point that they are baffled that he noticed he wasn't invited. They only like the christmas party because otherwise the issue would've come out before the chriatmas party invitations. If that's how it is, op is in his right to not invite acquaintances to his house
The one person I know in which poly was suggested during the marriage, turned into "oh I've been cheating on u since we started dating. And I don't want to leave my high school boyfriend that lives in my old state" Man I feel bad for my friend that is dealing with this
"An afternoon is a long time when you can't count" is genuinely such an impactful sentence.
As a nanny taking a nanny course, they actually talk about children having warped sense of time until about 5 years old.
an afternoon is a long time even when you can count, jeeze, i hope those fucks who did that are suffering great misfortune right now.
@@analyticalchick3064 Even after that time means nothing to a child.
@@zrc1514 children START to understand time about 5 years old but it takes a while to really get it.
That first story SCREAMED grooming/abuse. She was 18/19 when she met him, and he was 28. That's a huge age gap. They were married when she was 20, and he was 30.
Then, she gets into how he controls all the finances? This poor woman is going to need to do some major healing after this, and I hope she comes out okay.
I was side-eyeing that age gap too.
Yeah that's a really massive red flag dabbney somehow missed.
I wouldn’t call it grooming but it certainly was suspicious, I’ve seen stories where one person is much older than another in the relationship and the older person ends up dumping the younger one because they’ve aged a bit and goes after someone else. Or they just turn abusive in some other way shape or form.
Ten years isn’t that much of an age gap. It’s just simply the fact that she was 18, if they were 21 and 31 I doubt you’d have the same thought
A lot of people would still have that same thought if the younger partner is in their early twenties. That age is a huge developmental period for most people as most people’s brain development isn’t finished until 25. If you’ve already been an adult for 10 years while I’ve just reached adulthood, you’re either having a crisis about feeling old, an oblivious creep or an intentional creep.
My heart broke for the 2nd OP. He went through so much because his dad abandoned him. He's a much better person than I ever will be. Heck, it must have been such a slap in the face because the dad wanted OP to meet the happy family he built while OP suffered through abusive and neglectful foster homes. I bet "Dad" was only reaching out because he wanted something.
As much as that letter might have helped he should either give it him. Or just mail it to him. It might help him even more than just writing it down. And tell him that he'd rather not interact with him now.
if the dad is anything like my dad he probably is just totally clueless. he probably is getting all nostalgic and thinks that he's a good guy and that it's the 'right thing' to do, to connect with his long lost son. He's honestly probably an idiot.
Maybe he needs a kidney or one of his other kids needs one. OP should just tell him to fvck off.
It was 10 years ago. Hope he's doing well.
Dear old dad probably wanted a kidney.
First story: 26-7 is 19. 35-7 is 28. 28-7 is 21. So OP was 19 when she met her husband, who was near 30. And her so-called best friend, then 21 years old, "knew (her) husband before (her) and they were incredibly close before (she) even knew him."
What really gets me is the "I'm terrified as I've known him for most of my adult life and he is the only man I've ever been with." Girl, that is THE POINT. That is the ENTIRE point! THIS is why he waited until you were pregnant! He wanted you to feel trapped. He controls all of your finances and you don't know how to do anything FOR A REASON, and that reason is to keep you there out of fear! If you have that kid that man will make sure that you regret it every step of the way until that child is legally old enough to be let go of. Neither you nor that kid deserve a life like that.
I'd be surprised if no one in OP's life told them this relationship was a bad idea. If everyone was cool with it, then everyone failed her. If she pushed on anyway, she failed herself. Either way, being tethered to someone like this via child is the absolute worst outcome, so I hope she gets out ASAP.
no hate, just information!
the formula for the youngest you can date is (n/2)+7
the formula for the oldest you can date is (n-7)*2
n (age) is always rounded up to the next even number unless you are a teen
it has to be a formula to avoid grossness
Amen I hope someone maybe her mom and dad can help out with learning how to pay for the bills.
@@WesternBache Yeah that formula really falls apart at younger ages, like the youngest a 12 year old can date is 13, but the oldest is 10... I think the math implies people under 14 should not be dating at all, which checks out.
Thank you! I came to the comments looking for someone to point out ages here. I guess Rslash didn’t notice or pick up on it. A 28yo dude isolating a 19 year old girl like that? Yikes!
@@WesternBache i kinda hate that formula bc it still results in some nastiness
i did that formula and the youngest im "allowed" to date is 17, and the oldest is 28. im 21. there is no reason for a 21 year old to date a 17 year old, and 21 vs 28? one just started being an adult not too long ago and the other is nearly 30. no thanks 💀
of course i know this formula is simply a suggestion and that i don't HAVE to use it, but still.
third/last story : NTA, you're allowed to have whoever you want at your party, just like they didn't invite you to their wedding. It's weird how they didn't invite you and then the reason being "you're too old" ... It's not like you're 60. They totally are narcissists.
Yeah, they're not even in different age brackets
It sounds to me like OP was making the Christmas party to expect things in return, not to have a good time with the people they like, at the end the wedding couple are asholes but OP was not making the party out of the kindness of his heart
Why does age even have anything to do with it? This is about a wedding, were parents of the bride and groom not invited? Aunts and uncles or grandparents? The reception however may well be different if there were actually a large age difference not 5-6 years difference. Plus using the age as an issue following the "small" 200 guest wedding excuse makes both excuses ring false.
@@itzame2127
Only makes sense if they *hadn't* already been hosting Christmas parties for years before the wedding.
@@Richard_Nickerson i mean that in general, not only for that particular scenario of the wedding, op expects people to reciprocate his hosting party and wasn't doing it just for the sake of giving people a good time
I feel so bad for OP and his mother. As a former drug addict (2 years clean!) I can sympathize. That father tho, he deserves to rot in hell.
Congrats on being 2 years clean
Congratulations! That's awesome! I'm 10yr in! Wishing you all the best!! And many more "clean" years, ahead..
@@breezy3392 Thanks:)
@@minnarosenqvistmr Congrats to you too! Thank you:)
@@francescaperron2003 hugs! You're awesome! It's hard to get over all that, but it takes a special kind of strong,to make it! I'm wishing you all the best! You rock!
That second story is exactly why I want to adopt older kids / kids who've been in the system for so long. I just want to give them a safe home and a parent that will always be there for them. I hope I'll be able to do that one day.
My sister wants to do the same. The age range she's thinking of is 10-18.
I also want to too
Same, and I know it won't be easy either. A lot of foster kids, especially ones who have been in the system so long, tend to be more defiant. They do it because they likely think, "What's the use?" They'll age out and have no one, so why bother trying to make friends or have a family when they'll just be thrown out once they're 18.
Most people foster babies or little kids because they feel it's easier and that those kids won't be as much trouble as a teen would. Which isn't true either. Those babies and little kids also have issues, and they'll also be as much trouble. Only difference is they're easier to control when they act out.
The video "Child of Rage" on CZcams is of a little girl who was r*ped as a baby, and at that moment of filming the only thing she wanted to do in life was hurt others, just like how she was hurt. Others likely would've seen her as a problem child, had her taken back by the agency, but her adoptive parents realized the issue and got her help.
I hope all of you commentors in this thread, past, present and future, succeed in your goals.
my grandma did something similar she fostered and adopted two boys who became my adopted uncles years later, shes done so many things in life that I never knew that I inspired to be someday and adopting is one of them
Story 1: Why is nobody talking about, that OP met him, when she was 19 & he was 28? No wonder he is in control of finances and everything else. He manipulated a young girl into all of that & in the exact moment she had a reason to stay with him forever, he shows his true self. Disgusting.
Yeah I picked up on that quick she was groomed and it's I
Obvious
Not to mention that her so-called "best friend" he was close to was only two years older than OP. So that person he was already close to by the time OP and him met was 21 at the time.
Not grooming. Because you choose a baby bottle well into your 20s, doesn't mean life is that way. Meet a young mother then meet you.... one is an adult, and you are afraid to be an adult. While age brings experience and there are real gaps in life knowledge, stop infantalizing women. She is an adult and made choices that have consequences she has to learn from. She f-ed up by marrying someone who slept with her best friend. What did she expect? Now she knows the hard way.
@@dudeorduuude5211 no need to blame the victim. How exactly are you going to identify a person that is gonna cheat on you in the future? Most of the time you can't!
And here comes the age into play. A person who is older & had more life experiences could have picked up on some red flags, but a 19 year old who wasn't with anyone else before couldn't. That's exactly why we saw this relationship as problematic. Is it grooming? I don't know, but he did definitely took advantage of her young age & no experience.
So no, she didn't f** up anything, HE did.
I think most people are talking about it.
During the ‘80’s and ‘90’s we gave a big Christmas party each year. As the years passed I realized that our friends started to think of this party as their party also. Around Halloween I started getting questions about when was our party scheduled for. The party was very labor intensive as well as costing quite a bit. I also noticed that we weren’t invited to any parties at their homes during the rest of the year. When I asked about it everyone was a bit confused because they considered our party as being everyone’s event so they didn’t have to reciprocate. One year I got fed up and we decided to not host that year. I actually got calls asking why we weren’t hosting the party but they were flabbergasted when I said that we were tired of never getting invited to anyone’s events during the rest of the year. Very few people were embarrassed, the rest were resentful that we cancelled “their” party!
What hypocrites. I would've invited you guys to my party, even if it was just a game night. And I would've also chipped in some way for the Christmas party, like bringing food/drinks, help decorate, or ask how much I should contribute financially if it was a hard year for you and your family. But given that I was born in the early 90s I don't think Monopoly money would've helped 😂
@@audreym3908 thanks, you’re a very nice person! I would have gone to your game night anyway, lol!
Wow! That's so unbelievably mean! I hope you've got better friends now.
What entitled jerks! You deserved better friends, since that group so rudely took you and your parties for granted. I can't imagine demanding that someone else throw a party and invite me. Those people had some serious nerve to complain to you. Good for you for confronting them! 💙
That's so rude, how could they go to your party and never invite you to their parties. I come from a family that when you are brought in your treated like family and are invited to every holiday event.
Honestly, I thought the last couple was just awkward, but then hearing about them throwing the party at the same time as OP just to take away guests just completely pushes it over the edge
They want to be vindictive and not admit they screwed up.
Take note people: If your partner suddenly starts asking you for a poly relationship, there is a high chance that they are already cheating on you. It never fails.
Polyam and open relationships aren’t the same. People can go into poly relationships and be completely happy. I’m fact, almost all relationships like that start after two people are together. The first relationship isn’t polyam or even open. It’s just cheating.
Yeah if they ask this multiple times like the guy did your relationship is over. If they're not already cheating they will be soon and either way the relationship is on borrowed time.
@@lizzymandile2022 The thing is that polyam and open relationships don't work. Anyone trying to do these things either has issues or is checked out of the relationship.
@@goazer2 I mean, as somebody who is literally living in a polyamorous relationship that's bullshit but nice blanket statement
@@morj5184 Well I hope you don't have too hard a time when you learn it.
The second story has me crying my eyes out. My father left me also, and I was raised in a very abusive home. I never went through what OP went through -- different things and some the same. A lot of this story really hit home.
I think the husband just played a super long con to secure a broodmare.
Makes me wonder if the best friend couldn't have kids. So they came up with a sick and twisted way to have kids even choosing op for what ever reason for the future kids.
@@gemrock ouch, that would be a reality to consider..they sound absolutely toxic,the both of them!!
Makes sense. Why would Mia not only share her man, but also be so close to her “sister wife”.
@@gemrock Look, I understand that it’s not the best form to tell an infertile woman to “just adopt”, but seriously, to be so against adoption that you’ll pull off a scheme like this? Ugh! I know we don’t know the truth of the situation and if that was even a plan, but still.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 I'm hoping that wasn't the plan it was just a theory on my part. Unfortunately some people are nuts enough to try something like that. But either way that paire of exs would be worse kind of people to share a baby with. I hope if op did decide to keep the baby she has main custody with supervised visits.
i already expected that in story 1 OP's husband was cheated usually when a person is pregnant the chance of being abused is greater
The last story has a update where that newly married couple went to their former friends party and was told to leave.
Oooh, that sounds spicy! I wish r/slash read that.
OP "I love my husband and all that he's done for me" what did he do for you?? 🤨 that's so suspicious! He controls all the finances? She was 19 and he was 28 when they met?? This sounds so weird, hope she's free now!
If the relationship wasn't Poly from the beginning they have no business changing it this late in the game. You have a wife who obviously wants to stay monogamous and you want to fuck that up because of what... sexual needs that don't have to be satisfied that you can do without
I suspect they were cheating all along.
Another person in the comment section said they possibly did the long con to get a brood mare. Which is real fucked up if that's the case.
I think the friend is already pregnant and they need an excuse for how that happend
Does she really expect us to believe that dude never showed any red flags? We all know that women go only for preselected men, put an incel, or a dude that had one girlfriend at best who is 30+ and I can guarantee you she will reject him on the spot. She gave us just enough details where she is the only innocent victim.
I agree, if the couple hasn't established that the relationship is allowed to become poly BEFORE they get together, then they have no business being a couple in the first place.
Polyamory is something to discuss beforehand or very early in the relationship, not after five years and a marriage.
EDIT: missing words
I love r/Bestof, one of my favourites!
Knowing it was BestOf i was giddy when I heard the title of the second post
I get so excited when this category comes up!!
Sameeee
You can say it's the best of subreddits
*all of your favourites
Yeah the foster care system needs to get a complete overhaul they need to do better.
A big problem is there are not enough of the right sort of people that put their hands up to become carers.
Yeah it's so crazy. I'm sure there is a lot wrong in ours too but in the U.S they make people who want to adopt a child pay as much as a whole few tries with IVF would cost or more. But then they place kids in houses to foster they must know are just doing it for the money and do not even throw kids birthday parties or christmas or let them eat what they want. Like the old baby farmers in the england.
Agreed 100000%
@@Iflie I think that unless a 'parent' gives up their parental rights and agrees to adopt the child out then the child is stuck with foster care. Some kids are stuck in the system for their entire childhoods with no chance of adoption and the security of a forever home because those that birthed them are too selfish to do the right thing by them.
@@It-is-me...Melsie Yeah I'm amazed that they can take a newborn baby because the parent messed up so bad but then hop that baby from family to family when there would be dozens of families that would love to raise that baby right.
Many kids are also taken from parents, put back with them again and again while they fail. Fosterparents have to sit and watch all that and sometimes that child dies a horrible death while no one kistens to the warnings of the foster parents.
Yeah, I would've gone full scorched earth on my father if he had abandoned me like that.
Same
The whole “doing the right thing” is a black-and-white term when the reality there is no the right thing in this situation
@@melodysmusicaladventures596 Agreed - I think, likely what you were indicating too, the only real 'right thing' is what is right for OP.
In this case, OP did the right thing. I think that if OP had sent a message to the bio-dad in the hopes of apology or atonement on the part of bio-dad that might ultimately been more harmful to OP because it's unlikely bio-dad would have done right by OP in that situation. But, OP opted for 'here is the bad energy you dumped on me when I was four years old. You can have it back now. Deal with it. I have moved on and am happy in my life without you.' To me, that seemed like a healthy, 'right' way to go.
But, I agree, even if OP opted to go the opposite direction, if that was right for OP then that was right for OP. As you noted, it's complicated when there is no objective 'right thing'.
Okay but as someone who has done this exact same thing under similar circumstances it hits so much harder in their guilt if you have the most politely worded most respectful letter because they know they didn't have a hand in raising the person you are today and have no claim over you and you going to watch their face crumble as they read it I just wish if he could have gotten that
We don't even know why the dad left. For all we know, he was in a worse state than his mom.
Regardless, OP sounds like someone who should be in some form of therapy. OP has clear anger/trust issues, and there is always the danger of that not remaining focused on his dad.
The way I would've made a scene at the restaurant if I was OP in the first story. "I'm pregnant with your child and you want to sleep with my best friend?! You are a disgusting man." and just left. The amount of disrespect the husband has been giving is astonishing.
Story 3: So they don't invite OP to the wedding, and then they complain when OP doesn't invite them to the Christmas Party, and then try to upstage said party.
Like, the peck is their problem? Narcissism?
And the "Slightly older" excuse that the gossiping came to a consensus of is also bizarre. Like, what's the problem with being a little older?
They’re probably same-sex, DINKs, with a LOT of money. Nothing else makes sense
I'm wondering if the couple in story 3 is gay. OP didn't mention their own gender and used partner rather than husband or boyfriend. Which would suggest that homophobia might be involved.
@@Ikajo It would make sense if that was the case but who knows they could just not like op and their partner 😑 but I like your theory
@Ikajo In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.
@@crimsonblood1173 I was just wondering since OP decided to not mention their gender. Of course, their "friends" were in the wrong either way, but if it just might explain the oddity of it all.
They announced their engagement at Op's party they should have the courtesy to extend an invitation I don't care how small the wedding actually was it was Op's home and party that they exploited for their engagement announcement the very least they can do is invite Op to the wedding
I've heard the last story before, and there was conjecture that the offending couple never saw OP's parties as private events, but rather, a community event.
Which, explains a lot about their behaviour, but still doesn't explain how they came to that point of view.
My guess is that their brains are available for lease, but no-one's shown interest in taking occupancy.
S1
After the third ask, OP should have started asking her own questions. Mia and Husband are creeps. Why didn't they just marry each other?
Cause op's husband wanted a younger woman to control. She was 19 when they first met.
@Tamia Cook hopefully, she gets a pitbull lawyer and get what hers.
OP should have been asking questions before she got married and ceded all responsibility to an abuser.
Somebody suggested that Mia may be infertile, and they wanted to use OP for that.
@@akl2k7 Sounds like Mia should have put her big girl panties on and asked her friend herself if that was the case. I wonder if that's ever gone over well?
The whole thing is just horrendously distasteful.
14:00 They met at your party yet didn’t invite you. I met my husband through a Facebook group for those that lost a spouse. My friend told me about the group and invited me. I credited her with meeting him and marrying. She was not only invited, she was my maid of honor
The only reason he's reaching out now is because he needs something probably a kidney
Probably a caretaker for his kids and himself and his new wifey.
If that's true, then he's a complete entitled douchebag.
That's what I thought as well. There have been a few other stories Rslash has read that were like that.
OP is just spare parts.
Yeah, I remember a video he did (I think it was r/EntitledParents) where a couple showed up and basically tried to 'kidnap' the daughter they abandoned (it was on China, back during the only-child rule, and she was their second child) just to get the kidney for the son they had after abandoning her;
Some people are disgusting, and shouldn't be allowed to have kids if they'll only treat them bad and go after them when they need something. OP's father in the second story isn't better than the foster parents that abused OP and only kept him for the check. OP's mother may have been a drug addict, but I can see she at least tried to be a good mother. His father on other hand deserves no sympathy.
Or maybe his other kids found out they had a sibling and now he has to put up a front to not seem like a shitty dad.
story 1: rslash, thats not a poly relationship. it's just a 3some
That's what I was gonna say.
Not even a threesome. It’s cucking 😅😅
Story 3: I guarantee they brought up the Christmas party at their wedding, which I’m sure was awkward as hell.
“Yeah OP’s Christmas parties are awesome! It’s so cool you guess met that way. I bet OP loves that story! Hey, where is OP? Are they not here?”
Bride: [I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that]
Fantastic video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, I am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but I just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why I am bring this here for, I cant stop thinking about her
wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do I reach her?.
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up now online. impressive
the 2nd op is a better person than me considering i would have either told the man in his face about all the things everything written in the note or go into much greater detail of the horrors op suffered if i were in their shoes
With the story of the husband who kept on asking OP if she was willing to have 3-some the best friend. As soon as I started to think that the husband and best friend were getting together all that time, it was confirmed in the story that they were.
Ok, here's some odd timing.
For years I went never hearing about poly relationships. Then I found out that my friend's wife was cheating on him during their whole relationship. When he found out, she said she wanted a poly relationship. He said he wasn't comfortable with that and suggested couples counseling. She got mad. Also, she told all of her partners that she's poly and that her husband was cool with it, when my friend had no idea. Now, he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. Praise God they didn't have children so she can't use that against him.
Now for the odd timing: once this mess started, I started hearing story after story about a married couple, one wanting a poly relationship, not saying open, specifically saying poly, and it ruining everything.
Yeah so I've been poly/non-monogamous for like...well over a decade. And I gotta tell ya, if you're in a monogamous relationship, it needs to end monogamous. Same if you begin a poly relationship. And people need to think about it! You need to know this is something that you want. For example, my sister has been with the same guy for like...almost twenty years? She's 100% a monogamous person. I'm not. Neither is a bad thing. But you can't just decide you wanna be poly while in the middle of a committed, monogamous relationship and expect it to work. Every one of these r/slash stories has confirmed what I already knew. Fucking sad, tbh.
@@lofi_lowlife man, u r a voice of reason. Thanks :)
@livingthelie Man, I love this. When I started dating my current girlfriend, I asked if she would be ok with a poly relationship. I am very poly. I have a lot of love to give and like having multiple partners. But, she said she wasn't comfortable with the idea of me dating other people, which is completely OK. So I'm not. I don't have to be in a poly relationship to be happy. It's not a deal breaker for me. So, I'm exclusive to my girlfriend, and she's exclusive to me. I would never ask, again, for a poly relationship because that was not the expectation we made with our relationship, even if I would like one. Period.
Story 1: OP the first step is to get out of the house explain to your parents what's happening move out of the house. Take some time to relax and clear your head of all of this, then really examine all your options, you have them you just need to examine them. Also don't talk to him outside of when you have to, he shamelessly cheated on you and the cover his tracks he tried to get you to agree to a three-way, this is the kind of guy that will do anything to get you back so don't let him get the opportunity.
If she's on the lease she should not leave, cos the courts may give the house to him
She has a tremendous deficit to overcome. Sounds like she’s never even paid a bill.
"i want to consider the idea of a threesome"
and I want to consider the idea of a divorce
Last story: What are the odds that the couple that weren't invited to the Christmas party were going to announce the wife's pregnancy there and were upset that they couldn't get the hat trick?
story 2 hits close to home for me. My Dad left when I was 7. He left 4 kids and a stay at home mum with nothing in a country we had no family in and my mum had no work experience in. We lived in poverty most of my life, having to go to soup kitchens and anywhere there was a free meal just to eat every day. My mum would sometimes work from 7am to 7pm at night.
One day when I was a teen he tried emailing me, most likely drunk and thinking this was a good idea. I did the same as OP and let him know how hard things been. His response? Oh well he's basically been a sugar baby to his girlfriend and I couldn't possibly know how hard it was to have to rely on her. He says as he lives in a cottage in Austria, goes motorbiking with friends, goes on fishing trips and writes poetry. 🙄 He blamed me for not keeping in contact with him when I was 7 in 2001. To say I have not much sympathy for the guy is an understatement.
He was trying to get to know me again a couple years ago bit honestly I need an apology. I need him to acknowledge his mistakes. Other wise he will always be some weird stranger to me.
Last Story : The fact that the younger couple didn't in vote the very people who introduced them to their wedding is bizarre. There has GOT to be something else going on. Whether its was something intentional or an misunderstanding, but if its nothing... Its just weird.
Last story. There will always be people out here who pretend to like you so they have ticket to take advantage of you
I lost track of the number of red flags signaling cheating before the update on the first story. OP said no and that should've been the end of everything.
With the second story, OP had every right to unload on their bio dad. His dad bailed on him in every way, even signing away his rights as a father and outright refusing to come to him when he had no one left, and just decides now is the time to enter his life? I will give OP props for going the way they did.
Third story, it started as NTA and solidified into NTA because seriously? It definitely comes up as the other duo coming off as attention hungry. OP would've gotten a lot of it if they went to the marriage with people asking when the next one was and such.
story 1: Pls don't bear this man's child. You will be held hostage to him forever.
That first story. I can’t be the only one slightly skeeved that this 28 year old guy was dating an 18/19 year old? Glad she is going to be running far far away
Yoooo I was thinking the same thing!!
Story number 2: OP is more of a man then I am. I would have been spiteful if I was in his shoes; I would have gone to meet his new family and told them the story right in front of the father, and then left right after.
I feel bad for people who are actually looking for a poly relationship, but then get cheated on or is worried they'll get cheated on.
I don't feel bad for them. A messy love life is their choice.
@@dudeorduuude5211 any relationship can be messy, there are very functional and happy poly relationships where all involved communicate and trust eachother and there are nasty mono relationships
@@toes3286 I don't observe your fantasy.
It's the people like the husband in the first story that ruin everything
@@dudeorduuude5211 It's not our fault you're narrow-minded.
The second story: as someone who has an egg donor and sperm donor I understand wanting to face them and tell them what they did. How what they did affect your life and how life was so cruel to you.
They deserve to know and to at least feel the pain even just a shred of it.
Story 3: I don't think the friends actually value op. First, they get engaged at the Christmas party, which op seems to infer was unexpected, and because op didn't make a fuss, the friends just carried on, op's silence was probably seen as permission to them.
They didn't invite op to the wedding because its the party which they care about, not op. They don't consider how not inviting op will affect them, considering the fact that op helped get them together in the first place.
The party means more to then than op does, which is why they're showing blatant double standards to what op is doing
First story. Stay with parents. Divorce. Abort. Cut all ties with the groomer.
Second story wow just wow I am seriously disgusted by op’s father abounded him and his mother letting his mother die and him in abused foster home and now he is coming back like a flower and have a relationship with him and his siblings nah op I love the letter you wrote to your father I hope it hurt him as much as possible
First story: yeah... I knew they were sleeping together well before it was said. Ditch them all. He's absolutely a grooming abuser.
"Welcome to r/BestOfRedditorUpdates, where OP's fiance wants to try a poly relationship."
Oh, I can already tell where this is going.
My theory for the last story is maaaybe just based on ops language (using the term "partner") that op and his partner are maybe lgbtq+ and the couple didn't want them there because of it. Either bc of their own hypocrisy or maybe due to their families/other social circles. Another theory is that they're entitled and didn't want op to feel like they owed op anything (which imo is even dumber)
My theory also!
In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.
Well other than your theory we have nothing in the story to suggest this is the reason.
I hate how adults reconnect with kids and say "meet your siblings "
I love these ''I want to try poly'' stories the most because I know that a cheater will get served a regret pie with no butter cream in it.
I met my dad when I was 42, but he didn’t even know I existed. He was very angry that my mom never told him about me. But after a couple of days after finding out about me, he turned his hate to gratitude that she didn’t have an abortion. I, too, spent time in foster care but I was not mistreated, thankfully. They were fairly decent to me. I really feel for this young man and many, many like him. Whatever he chooses to do regarding his bio dad, he’s justified! I hope he continues to heal.
OP in story #1
If your partner or spouse ever gives any indication (no matter how small) that they are sexually interested in others/someone else, that is the end of that relationship. There is nothing you can do in that situation and you need to maintain your dignity and self respect. Don't put yourself through that. Ghost their ass.
So the Dad in the second story's response to being asked if he'd take in his OWN BIO SON...
"Hey, OP. How are you? It's been SOOO long! I didn't NEED you because I wanted to live a NEW life! Right now, I'm living the PERFECT life with my NEW wife and children! But years have passed and you're an adult now. I was wondering if you'd be interested in having a better bond with me. We'll do Father/Son stuff now, and just laugh this ALL away!"
Like OMG, what a DESPICABLE and DISGUSTING DEADBEAT DAD!
He ABANDONED his son, WILLINGLY! HE'S the one who allowed OP to suffer years of HELL!
At this point, OP's Dad isn't even a FATHER, and he's lost ALL respect and title in OP's eyes.
And Jack here just decides that NOW is a "Great time" to get to know his son again, AFTER ABANDONING HIM TO YEARS OF ABUSE.
Also, if OP thinks about it, he can take the foster system AND the so called foster parents to court and sue them for child endangerment, child abuse, starvation, imprisonment and more!
The Dad DESERVES the karma from OP, but the foster parents AND foster system needs to be punished as well! I hope that someone will finally get the foster system straightened up: Better people, the place actually being a safe place for kids AND having the wannabe "parents" interviewed and investigated thoroughly, in case they're one of those people who only cared about money and using their kids as ATMs.
OP should have posted his letter all over his "father's" social media. His father deserved to be hurt for what he's done.
Story 2: Wow, the dad still expect him to think of him as a dad? I wouldn't give him the light of day!
that man knows exactly what he is doing. he preyed on a younger woman he could control and got her pregnant hoping to solidify his control and get everything he wanted. this is SUPER common. Abusers do this so often that pregnancy is the riskiest time for a woman for murder and physical harm as well as other forms of manipulations, coercion, emotional and financial abuse.
OMG!
This is horrific.
Me and my wife were foster carers for 10 years.
One of our longest children is profoundly deaf. Me and my wife both learned BSL
My wife is conversational, if fluid!!
We are still in contact with EVERY long term child we've looked after...
Story 1 sounds like text book grooming
Story 1 I heard this one before. Anyone who asks For stuff like this you need to leave asap.
The couple in the last story sounds like a friend I used to have. We were, in her own words, best friends, for 7 years then one day out of nowhere I started getting blocked on every form of social media and to this day, 3 yeaes later she's never told me why we are no longer friends...
Could it be that someone else fed her lies about you? That seems like the most plausible explanation.
@@hurricanemarigolds2818 Honestly maybe but I doubt it she was always kinda crazy irrational and easily angered for no reason. We had another male friend that she absolutely hated his girlfriend, now wife, because they apparently were sexting and he stopped that with her when he got with his girl
I bet the OP in the party story isn’t heterosexual and that’s why they weren’t invited.
Story 2: You have to wonder why stuff like this happens, like someone just up and leaves a kid.
And the foster parents, why are there abusive foster parents?
✨M O N E Y✨
that's the foster system it's so broken and they're looking for so many people to take care of foster children that they don't check whether the family is suitable so many children end up with bad families
Money is definitely part of it, but I don't think you can dismiss the innate human ability to bullshit ourselves. I would wager a majority of those abusive foster parents believe they're doing good. Believe that they are a positive influence in those children's lives. That they're providing for them, teaching them discipline. Which is chilling in a way I don't want to think about right now.
@@jeremypatrick5678
Accurate but collecting a paycheck for fosters is a stereotype for a reason starting back from historical baby farming
I really like when rslash covers bestof, but I wish these had more satisfying endings. I also hope all of these OPs are doing ok, especially the first story
If I was OP in s1...
All I'mma say is that the intrusive thoughts would win THE MOMENT I saw them not only cuddled up, BUT HAPPY.
We all love rSlash. Best way to start the day.
For me its the way i end the day XD i like watching the videos while eating dinner and then going to bed its become a habit that I’ve done in the last 2 years !!
Third story: OP's "friends" are narcissist hypocrites. They meet in OP's party, decide to invite (for what the gossip and OP found out) some random people instead of OP, get mad when OP decides to simply not invite them to his party, and then makes up their own party to try to 'steal' guests from OP's party?
Won't surprise me if their way of acting ends up making them lose not only OP's friendship, but other people's friendships, and that if they ever get children, end up in r/EntitledParents somewhere down the line.
That last story is super weird. It’s like, okay you didn’t invite us to the wedding. But why? They just don’t have a reason on why not to. Not that it’s an inherently wrong thing it’s just super weird to not invite important people and to not have a reason.
Have to admit I’m happy to hear she’s considering abortion… honestly if she keeps that child it would just be a reminder and probably be used to hurt her by him.
11:23 OP sounds like the one kind that would have made a wedding feel more special. Throwing in the same amount of energy!! Those two can get butthurt all they want about OP. They both refused to invite
I'm surprised at how many of these threesome request stories are never shot down with, "No, I'm not Bi."
That's god damn heartbreaking. F that dad. How even dare he contact OP as if nothing happened annd stirring OP up all again.
He’s older and wiser since he abandoned his first born. Having now actually raised his other kids has shown him that he’s a POS. He reached out to his first born hoping to get some absolution. Like “ even though you didn’t stick around my life turned out great. So we’re good. Thanks Dad” kind of self deluding bs. If the bio dad is a real prick. Then he read the letter, and after a few days. He’ll convince himself that abandoning that “little jerk and his drug addict mom” was the right move and he’s with his “real family”. I, also, want to say I don’t care what the reasons for his bio dad doing all this. I mean it’s more than likely was a drug addict himself. When the mom died that he himself was still strung out on heroine. But you know what? Don’t care. Everyone has an excuse for being crap.
@@RobDaCajun if he was, ok that's fine, but not his dad's side of the family?? That just broke my heart (unless they weren't good people either).
@@audreym3908 yeah, I agree. I’m proud to see he has turned his life around. Hope, he never looks back or spends time with his half siblings. It’ll just drive that knife deeper seeing they had a good life.
Story 1 - Abortion. Get away from your Ex and his actual partner, you've been played this entire time.
What delusion has she been living under? “I love my husband very much but he’s not remotely the person I thought he was.”
"I think abortion is the right choice for me." That's the most selfish sentence in the human language.
@@critica77y77 no it isn't
@@jonsmith2832 Well, could you enlighten me as to what could be more selfish than putting your convenience over an innocent child's life?
@@critica77y77it isnt a child its a zygote that doesnt even have higher thinking until many months in
You would rather have a child be born jnto a broken home with a mother who cant support him splitting custody with a father who probably wont even love him or will continue to be an exploiting piece of garbage just so you can stick to your holier than thou christian values? That she should have to pick up the slack taking care of a child that will be used to hurt her while giving the father no consequences? You and your kind are the selfish ones.
Story 1. There is a difference between a Polygamous relationship and just a 3some. This is the ladder. A Polygamous relationship is like a Mono relationship but more people are involved rather it's for Emotional or sexual support. And everyone knows about eachother and it was there since day 1💀
Fair Weather Friends: Ef them, they made a bad choice...they reap what they sow!
We just had Cyclone Gabrielle tear through our town a week ago, we had no power or phone coverage up until last night. Being able to listen to these stories again is a good step back to normalcy. We usually have them on while cleaning up after dinner. It's so good to be listening again!
Thank you R slash, for never letting us down. Every morning I know I can start my day with you ❤ it’s awesome
I feel for OP in the 2nd story, and I have a lot of similar experiences with family, foster care, and still carrying these negative feelings all of these years later. I hope that OP can find the peace that they need, and build a better support system. Best of luck to you OP ❤️
On the last story, given the vagueness used of ‘partner’ and ‘they’ to refer to OP’s partner as opposed to ‘spouse’ ‘wife’ or ‘he/she’ I’m going to guess it is a same sex relationship and it could be that the friends didn’t want a same sex couple at their wedding, either for personal bigotry or to avoid offending bigoted family. Just a hunch.
Thing is about poly relationships, it needs to be a conversation you have in the beginning of the relationship. If it’s something you want to try later on you need to be open and honest, especially if you or your partner already has someone in mind. People who use polyamory as an excuse to cheat on their partners and get away with it are disgusting.
I have friends who are in poly relationships. The thing with polyamory is this:
Both partners must consent and if one doesn't want to, then either their partner must respect that or break up.
I kinda suspected that the husband was cheating but wtf did he expect?? SHE'S PREGNANT!! She's more focused on their baby and marriage, not threesomes.
Plus the friend knew better than to pull this stunt. I honestly won't be surprised if they get together after OP's divorce.
I hope OP will be okay.
I needed to take a break after the "Meeting my estranged father", that one hit me a lot harder than I ever would have expected.
Gods, why do so many give polyamory people a bad reputation. It’s not an excuse to cheat. Don’t force poly on monogamous people and vice versa
as if
All I can think of for that third story is that the husband feels insecure since his wife was friends with OP for so long (longer that he’s known her) or vice-versa with the wife feeling insecure about the husband.
It teaches them that actions have consequences and inviting them pretty much destroys the lesson that needs to be learned here
"Ain't nothing he (absent father) can teach me bout how to love my kids" - Will Smith
As an adult who spent her time in foster care, that second story hurts me. People think of foster care as this great, wonderful thing for kids to have a family when 9 times out of 10 that "family" treats you as a cash cow. They get money to take care of you and treat you like shit whilst spending that money on themselves most of the time. I only had one good foster family when I was a kid, ONE! Out of the 10 families I had lived with, only one was nice.
first story : Yep, not surprised they had been seeing each others behind your back. He totally wanted a 3 way to make it "legitimate". Divorce and abort, cut everything related to him out of your life. Disgusting behavior from both of them, like rSlash said, he got you pregnant just so you had more to lose and could be more easily coerced into it.
1st story: Man, what a way to spit on somebody's face. Now add on top they KNOW OP is pregnant. Wouldn't be surprised if they keep cheating since day 1 of their relationship.
Some people are F up in the head man.
3rd story: My dad is literally the exact same, ditch my mom, sister and me, lived his life, then tried to scam my mom while still raising to kids, now, 20 ish years later, conveniently when me and my sister are fully adults, he wants to try to be a dad and "make amends, as well as to meet my half siblings", my sister was the first to tell him to eat dirt, I tried to give him numerous chance,but after numerous dissapointments, I told him to eat dirt as well and both are NC.. So,basically, nothing changed.
Thankfully, my mom isn't a drug addict, and did raise me and my sister. I dare to say I am lucky.
I am glad OP is doing better now. He definitely answer more mature than me, lol.
4th story: Lmao. Hey, they sow what they planted, you don't get to ghost someone then act surprise when they don't want contact either
1st story, husband is human garbage. OP needs to leave him and the friend.
I'm trying to imagine not inviting a close friend to my wedding and then getting all mad at them when they don't invite me to their next event they're hosting. Logic 100
As a poly person I dislike the fact that the first story was framed as being poly relationship, it straight up wasn't. It was about a guy cheating on his wife with another women.
At most you could have said he was asking for an open relationship with that women, but he did it behind the OP's back which is not what being poly is about.
Second story: I would have accepted his invitation to meet my siblings. Commit to telling all of them all of your stories in detail. Affirm that your father is the one to blame and that you wanted to make sure they know what kind of man he is. Then, bid them good day and ask that they never attempt to contact you. But I'm Petty Betty ❤
I always enjoyed a good Reddit update
The last story OP is the kind of guy who shares his home and lifestyle with friends and family, and while he's a very nice guy, I have zero doubt the couple at odds mostly see him as a benefactor versus a friend. Someone who, by spending time with them, they can enjoy things above their current affordability.
Does OP specify their gender at any point? If both OP and partner are men....
I have a hard time understanding how there are any abusive foster families never mind that there seems to be so many abusive ones, shouldn't there be some sort of screening process because it seems like anyone can sign up to be a foster parent.
It’s because they don’t care about the kids they just care about the money they get from the government
@@stevenstiffler6848 And I'm wondering why the government agency that is giving them that money isn't doing anything like screening to avoid what appears to be a pretty common problem.
@@Reuraku because all the pro life people don’t give a fuck after the child is born they only care about preventing abortion but once the kid comes out of the mom they’re on their own. CPS is a shit show and the government could give less of a fuck about unwanted children.
On the last story, I think that op wasn't invited because they dont really consider a friend to the point that they are baffled that he noticed he wasn't invited. They only like the christmas party because otherwise the issue would've come out before the chriatmas party invitations. If that's how it is, op is in his right to not invite acquaintances to his house
Poly is almost always a red flag
Not always
No it's not Cheaters using poly as a way to continue cheating is.
@@GROUNDHOGCULT “almost”’
The one person I know in which poly was suggested during the marriage, turned into "oh I've been cheating on u since we started dating. And I don't want to leave my high school boyfriend that lives in my old state"
Man I feel bad for my friend that is dealing with this
@@ModernUnit Not almost?
Not only did he take the high road he has The High Ground🤣