r/Bestof My Friend Secretly Hates Indians (I'm Indian)
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
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0:00 Intro
0:08 Twin swap
6:41 Clothes ruined
12:30 Moving in
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Parents are weird creatures. They can have identical children and still manage to play favorites.
That's because the kids aren't identical. One of them is extroverted and outgoing, while the other is introverted and artsy.
@@agentzapdos4960 physically identical
My mom and aunt is a set of twins. Some people will sometimes mistake for the other. But personality wise they are very different.
literally
This was the first thing I thought about, that the mom was favoring the sister who needed plastic surgery, and this ridiculous “stand in for your twin” ask came from that place. In her mindset of wanting to stage the perfect wedding for her golden girl, she completely disregarded how that request would make either twin feel like.
Story 1: knowing that this was a 100% your mom's idea and not your sisters make this worse. Because when your sister see the wedding photo she won't see herself but she'll see you in a wedding dress with her husband because of her accident, that is such a stupid idea that it's almost impressive how your mom came up with such an idiotic idea that would make things a lot worse. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it would be if your mom went up to her with this idea and saw that you were willing to do it.
Considering this was the same woman who forced her daughters to do and wear the same things while they were growing up, I’m not entirely surprised she’s stupid enough to do this.
It’s because she doesn’t see her daughters as individual people, she seems them as two of the same person. One of her “dolls” got “broken” so obviously she can just use the other one
@@dimsufferer9951 imagine her, standing in front of the doctors in the hospital, screaming "just fix her already, just some lacquer on top and it should be fine"
@@dimsufferer9951 this mindset is what drove OP away in the first place, and I bet Jess didn’t realize it because mom would always do what she wanted, and she was probably just as annoyed when her sister would ask her to do something she didn’t want to do so she had her do things she didn’t want to do to help her. Or she liked the attention and didn’t understand why her sister didn’t like what there mother was doing. I bet by telling her about what their mom wanted to do would break their relationship because I bet she had never experienced the other side before.
The mother didn't even think about the memories the pictures hold. If Jess was to look back at those photos, she'd have no memories for herself on her special day.
It's so weird that the mother would use OP as a stand in bride for her sister just because she suffered facial injuries.
It really does highlight what OP said about their mum treating them like dolls.
As a brazilian, I don't get why Joe was so mad about dressing up for Carnaval. You literally just have to put on a costume, or, hell, even just a couple of accessories are just fine
Even a little bit of glitter would do, the guy was just a jerk
The issue wasn't the customs but rather that he wanted to play up this act of the poor white boy being "forced" to participate in ethnic culture. It's evident with the fact that op made it very clear what Holi was and offered for him to pass on the celebration that he was looking for an excuse to make a scene and put on an act.
Carnaval é tão de boa né, mas acontece que o cara só era racista e babaca mesmo kkkkkkk nada que esses caras fazem ou falam faz sentido
I’m from Malta and Carnaval is a super big deal here. I would bet my entire bank account that he would have no issues celebrating out here, just because we are predominantly white Europeans. I for one would love to celebrate it in Brazil. apparently ours is the second or third best in the world and even we know which country ranks number one 🥳👯🎆🎆
@@hellengomes6396 just a racist more like. Jerk isnt a harsh enough word to describe this piece of work😭
Story 1:
Mom is in desperate need of therapy. 30 years and she still hasn't caught on to the fact that she has two daughters, rather than two copies of the same daughter? There's something genuinely wrong with her.
Story 3:
"Mutual friends have been telling me..."
So, there are in fact other people who can take them in. Why don't those people offer their homes? Or maybe chip in for rent?
I think even rslash said something to that effect once or twice. It's always mutuals or other family members berating OP for being cruel and heartless when not one of them are ponying up any money, support, etc. 😂
It’s ALWAYS others saying “you should do XYZ to help this person”, but they NEVER offer any help. Wonder how they’d feel if they were put into the situation.
Trust me, when a relative is facing homelessness, someone in the family will be heavily guilt tripped into letting them stay.
When you have multiple people saying, "you can't let him sleep on the street", it makes you feel awful for thinking about wanting to say no, so you comply... and 2 years later your brother is still crashing on your sofa, your place is trashed, the new furniture you bought is trashed and your doors have holes in them. But you still can't kick him out, because that would be an awful thing to do.
I feel bad for the op's sister in the story. Getting into a traumatic accident that screws up your face and not being able to attend your own wedding
Worse, she would have attended and then been shunted off to the side
She could have turned the wedding into a Masked themed wedding! Then took another set of wedding pictures once all of the surgery has healed!
@@OldsmobileCutlass1969Va you're so smart
Honestly, after she's healed, I think OP should tell her about what their mom tried to do. At the end of the day, she deserves to know what her mom thinks of her and decide how to proceed from there. Her mom doesn't value her feelings, just the novelty of wedding photos.
@@OldsmobileCutlass1969Va not while still recovering from PTSD.
The Twin story. OP's mum sounds like one of those types of borderline abusive parent's that are obsessed with having their twins completely identical (looks and personality) as a fashion accessory. This doesn't end well for the kids as later in life they usually end up having emotional problems or toxic coping mechanisms.
I have only known a few twins. The ones who seemed happiest were the ones whose parents allowed them to develop their own identies. The identicals forced to dress alike, etc were generally very unhappy (including one set of fraternal twins who looked very much alike but were not actually identicals.)
Oh my gosh. As a twin, I would absolutely have _hated_ having to grow up like Jess and OP.
Yeah, what a bad mom. Let your kids be independent people, jeeze.
Yeah, but it's fun to get entertainment from other people's misery.😊
that first story kept throwing me for a loop, because i have sisters, who are twins and one of them is named jess. our mom was similar but at least she stopped with her matching nonsense when they were old enough to start dressing themselves..
I'm not a twin nor have twins, but it's stupid to me to make them be "the same" instead of letting them become who they want to be. And I can't imagine that that's the other person
Yeah! I'm not even a twin, but my mom dressed me and my older sister alike. Not only were the clothes not my style (to this day, I've always loved all black with ripped jeans & t shirts. Ma got me bright pinks with frills & sparkles.) My sister bullied me relentlessly, even a little bit as adults. I would snap with their childhood.
That poor child at the end, I hope Adam can still support him somehow even if it's visiting him in foster care and raising the alarm when he gets placed with abusive people
Before I heard the update, I was thinking would it have made sense for Adam and his nephew to move in with his mum and he would be the primary caregiver, while his mum was just there (I mean she didn’t have to look after the child but they would have all been in one house). But after the update I was like oh shit he just wanted an able bodied free babysitter while he lived rent free in a house he has no claim to, makes sense. 😑
*if*
Don’t put that energy into the world.
Adam only cared about himself in the end.
If he really cared about his nephew then he would have moved in with his mom to help her take care that little boy.
Seriously some of you people are so bloody gullible that it’s ridiculous.
He wanted to use op as free room/board and a caregiver for his nephew.
You have future doormat written all over you.
@@Dayday-xj3hc its more often than not that a kid gets put into an abusive foster care home. its not an "if" anymore its "when"
@@Scruffy69420 okay that’s enough TV for you
Honestly I was relieved it was just OP's mom pushing OP for nice photos. When I heard the title, I assumed it was a "I don't wanna get married but I don't want the fallout of breaking it off! OP, marry my husband for me!" Kind of situation
It actually isn't unheard of. Marriage by proxy is a thing when one person cannot show up for it. Marriage by double proxy is also a thing where both people can't show up for it, which happened in one case where one was deployed to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Both are rare. In either case, you would have stand ins for the appropriate people
I was so sure it was going to be something like that!
Turns out all it's all the mom's plan.
What a whackjob
@@javaman7199 common practice used for royal weddings where a King/Queen could not attend in person, so they married by proxy! Some examples being Catherine of Aragon to Prince Arthur of Wales, Margaret Tudor to James IV of Scotland, Maximilian I of the Holy Roman Empire to Anne of Brittany. I just find this one an interesting historical fact and wanted to share some royal households that practiced this!
Wha... Did i just lost a brain cell... The parents are idiot as "pictures arnt gold idea" but glad op dodge it
Story 1: Wow, the mom fundamentally disrespected both OP and Jess. She indirectly said that Jess is too ugly to be in the wedding pictures, and wanted to make OP to be in the pictures and take her sister's place in the wedding? Bruh, not cool AT ALL.
Indirectly?
@@debymello4756 The mom didn't say straight to Jess's face that she's ugly and will ruin the photos, she simply said she can't be in the photos.
“Oh no OP, you can’t have your own personality or identity. You’re just a back up of my favorite child”.
Yeah, screw that noise.
For the first story: The mom wants her to be her sister for the ceremony. Officiating a wedding is an extremely serious task and I’m like 98% sure if it was found out that the person in the ceremony WASNT the BRIDE then the marriage would be null and void.
Depends. If it was a symbolic ceremony with the legal stuff done earlier, it wouldn't be a big deal
depends on where you marry. i know in South Carolina (at least 20 years ago when I attended a friend's wedding), the real "wedding" is nothing but signatures on a legal document. Everything else, including witnesses (best man and maid/matron of honor) is purely ceremonial. That ssid though, this whole idea is beyond asinine. The mother needs serious mental therapy.
There is such a thing as marriage by proxy, but you would need a better reason to do it than this. Or maybe their real names are Leah and Rachel?
2nd story
Joe saw and heard the warning yet chose to ignore, Joe ruined his own kurta
Also anyone who's planning to visit India next year on Holi please wear clothes that you're planning to not wear anymore or buy any light colour clothing preferably cheap (price not quality), shop owners can help if you tell them it's for holi
Honestly he deserves it she warned him and he brush her off and after that he blamed op and humiliated in front of American friends they are freaking racist bad guys op you did the right thing to kick him out of your life honestly I really want to go to India to experiment this tradition 0/5 op 3/5 joe and American friends
@@sophietremblay3795 The American friends were lied to.
Joe told them OP made him dress up.
They changed their minds after OP told them the truth.
@@sophietremblay3795 yup the update made Joe sound more horrible
Also not just india in general but any country you visit always listen to the warning of the locals, they know their shit better than any travel blogs
Holi sounds beautiful! I'd probably participate and frame the clothes. It honestly sounds like a really nice way to get unique tie dye. 😂❤
Story 3: I feel bad for the nephew. His mom died of overdose, his father is in prison, and the GF's family wants nothing to do with the guy he is in care of.
Overdose with the father in jail was definitely not where my mind went. My initial thought was… Homicide
I dont think the intentions of the BF were malicious, he just naturally thought his GF would help him. As a college kid on his own it would be very difficult for him to take on. And of course, silly young man brain thinks if that problem is not a problem then my GF should take me back right??? I dont think he was looking at 'free labor' and all of that. I dont think OP did anything wrong, she doesnt have to support him but I dont think his decisions were malicious either.
@@picallo1 i thought the same thing, I dont think op is an AH for saying no, but I dont like how they portrayed the bf in the final update. Like did they think if they all moved in they'd not have to help at all? Even a small amount of help to fill in gaps for the bf couldve made them feel a lot safer about taking the kid.
@@Piman1607 Right just typical stuff when you live together. No need to vilify the guy.
@@picallo1 yeah I don't buy this. Men often think it's a woman's job and will expect us to do the work. I think you're right about one thing, I don't think it's conscious but yeah. The amount of men I haven't even been dating who have just expected me to clean up or watch a kid is.. ridiculous. And not a single one of their actions makes me think THEY think they'll be helping AT ALL, even subconsciously. They just.. mostly don't think. That's kinda the problem. We often have to do the thinking for you cuz society told you that's what we're here for, to keep y'all from killing yourselves 🙄
About story 2, I'm Spanish and I live pretty close to where la Tomatina is held every year. People basically shove literal tomatos at each other on the street. Yet he had no problem with that, and instead he got pissy over coloured powder and water balloons, lol.
Yeah, to add to that, I'm Brazilian; "dressing accordingly" on Carnaval just means throwing in some glittery/sparkly accessories, like a tiara or hat and some silly party glasses and a party tie (which is a "tie" with an elastic, there's paper ones or sparkly EVA foam and cheap fabric ones). You can go all out and dress up in a costume, but usually people just dress up in silly stuff. It's like Halloween but 18+ and with a lot more glitter dumped on it.
You don't get stuff thrown at you, you don't ruin your clothes unless someone accidentally spills their beer into you in the middle of the crowd, all the negative points are basically the same of a crowded show, just on the streets instead of a concert venue.
@@gabrielabatista6016 I probably would not like Carnaval, but only because I get panicky in big crowds where I can't move and I get too hot. I still wouldn't mind seeing what it's like from a distance. If I visited Brazil during the time of Carnaval, though, I'd make the best of it and look for a sequinned jumpsuit - hopefully that's as good as glitter. I saw someone wear that to Club Broadway last year, and that was just sitting in a nightclub, screaming out lines about Alexander Hamilton and what's over the rainbow.
@@strawberrysoulforever8336 ah, no worries, I'm not the biggest fan of Carnaval either because I hate crowds and if I overheat my blood pressure drops (which, massive crowds plus 40ºC summer isn't a good combination). It's more fun for parties with friends in my opinion. Ah, but don't worry, sequins are fine too, we just go with glitter cause it's cheaper and easier to apply, but anything sparkly and/or colourful will do; or something funny, that always works too.
What everyone here unanimously agrees about Carnaval, though, is that it's nice cause you get either a extended weekend up to a whole week off depending on which state you live and how benevolent your boss/school principal is feeling.
The highlight of the holiday are the samba school parades, though; specially on Rio and São Paulo. Though, to be fair, these are best seen from the TV anyways, aside from being free, you get to see everything up close and they have cameras everywhere on the avenue to catch the best moments, so I'd much more recomend you finding a broadcast online of them.
@@gabrielabatista6016 Yeah, I agree. I think I've seen it on TV and it looks amazing. It's just not something I could enjoy with it being noisy and hot and crowded. But on TV, I can turn the sound down and the heat and crowds don't affect me.
@@strawberrysoulforever8336 Oh, crowded is an understatement. The seats to watch it live are usually extremelly full, particularly on the sector 1 (which is the one by the entrance, and the most expensive) and in the sectors close to the judges, because if there's any sort of performance (which there always is at the front commission, and sometimes in the allegorical cars) they will do this performance in view of the judges. So, the best seats are CROWDED.
Also, samba schools aren't private organizations or anything, they're community funded and people work on their parade year round; so people can be veeeery enthusiastic in their cheering. It's a competition after all, and they want to see their school win; plus, the whole school is singing in unison during the parade, as it's actually one of the graded criteria to have the whole school singing in tune. Needless to say, it's loud....
I won't even go into the loudness and how crowded the street parties are (specially cause this comment is quite long already), just google "trio elétrico" and you can see for yourself. Would not recomment anyone going to these, if I'm being honest.
Jon is weird. I've been to a Holi party this year and it was fun drenching each other in colour and drenching each other. hell we even made it a challenge to dunk everyone in the group
I have some suspicions about Joe, but I'll keep those to myself.
Hateful people twist situations so they can continue being hateful.
@@dudeorduuude5211 Yeah, holi is definitely one of my favourite holidays to celebrate as everyone just comes together and has fun. It was fun drenching all the people who dress immaculate in colour
I am most baffeled by how he termed Holi as "barbaric" and "disgusting" but was fine with La Tomatina
The celebration aspect of both the festivals are practically the same with the exception on one using tomatoes (which doesn't stain much but the tomato smell may linger) and the other one using colours (don't smell but you will be coloured for like 3 days).
@@thunderfist232 i havent done la tominata but i did assume tomatos. tbh i love indian foods alot as they smell nice and it can be as simple as gettin oninons with spices deep fried even honey
I can’t imagine how embarrassing it would be to be discovered as a replacement for the sister in the wedding in front of all those people.
I think the mother's problem in the first story is that she never saw her daughters as two separate people. She was so caught up in the rush of having twins that she forgot that these are two different individuals who's thoughts, feelings and memories are not interchangeable.
Story 1: Yeah, considering that the couple was considering photoshop and the mom was the only one with this idea, it sounds like the Mom really wanted those photos and was willing to pull a switcheroo behind everyone's back to get them.
I'm glad OP made the right choice
yeah, i think it would be even more of a reminder about it, like "look, this is my wedding, that's my sister standing with my husband in a wedding dress."
you can lie to everyone else, but at the end of the day you will know its not you in the photos, you won't be looking at them remembering how you walked down the isle, how you said your vows, things that happened at the reception etc. you will remember it as that time your sister married your husband while you watched on from the shadows because you were to 'disfigured'.
I wonder if OP will ever tell her sister what their mother suggested?
Agreed.
It also sounds like mom might have some narcissism in her. Treating one's kids as objects and accessories to oneself rather than as individual people in their own rights is a classic sign of narcissism. This mom seems to have that down pat.
I am glad OP managed to escape the situation and that her dad got her into therapy so that she could grow into her own person.
It honestly seems like the mom still doesn't see her daughters as two independent people. She just thinks they're clones of each other and totally interchangeable
Not only did OP make the right choice, so did Jess. Traumatic events shouldn't be taken lightly.
Considering that ops sister would forever see those pictures and think of her sister there not her,
I think the mum just wanted to see her dolls dressed up again
That's an interesting perspective and your theory could definitely be correct. I'm so glad that it wasn't her sister that asked her to do this. No wonder OP chose to live with her dad after the divorce.
I was a little surprised at the last story.
Because i read so many stories abt ppl taking their siblings in, I thought the bf was a nice dude.
I was going to say "Your house, your rules, but dont expect him to leave his nephew for you"
It sounded like attempted baby trapping to me. There are a lot of stories on here and r/relationship advice where partners made "no kids" agreements... only for one to end up lying or changing their minds and trying a multitude of messed up crap to get the child free person to buckle. It's sounds like the ex was trying to use the poor kid to try and convince op that she did want children after all.
Usually in those stories when it's the guys that faked being child free, they often bank on the idea that marriage or "baby fever" will change their minds.
Honestly yeah it is a little shocking, but it totally makes sense to me. My stepdad pulled very similar stunts with pets, talking about how they needed homes and stuff, and then my mom was their only caretaker and my stepdad always talked about how he didn't like the animals bc they didn't love him the way they did my mom. He also made my mom do all the parenting of both her kids and his... There's definitely just a certain type of guy who sees women in his life as a "free caretaker" ticket
I fully get ya with the house rules thing. However, without the updates I would've thought of OP kind of heartless and a little too paranoid. Granted, due to her past trauma probably, but it was cruel nonetheless. With the updates, I just felt bad for that kid man. Life does suck
@@alexmouso7256 agreed she said no to saving a child who just lost his mother from foster care because “I don’t wanna deal with it” and then breaks up with her boyfriend for asking
@@MinusTheCoffee yeah it was pretty bad. Maybe someone can make an arguement and justufy it, like with the house thing. For me though, she was fully the AH for it. Afterwards, yeah the bf was bad too. Even worse maybe. It sucks, poor kid
That first story really upsets me as an identical twin because that is an AWFUL way to raise identical twins. My parents made a point of encouraging my brother and I to express our individuality.
*First OP:* I wonder why OP's parents divorced; it couldn't be because of OP's mom. /s
I didn't know where this story was going, but I certainly was not expecting this cursed Parent Trap scenario. OP was NTA.
*Second OP:* I remember this story. Even before the plot twist of an update, I would've given OP a NTA score. She warned her friend, and he didn't listen.
*Third OP:* Looks like OP dodged a bullet. I do feel bad for her ex-boyfriend's nephew best of luck to him. OP was NTA.
Oh that kid was doomed from the moment of conception. People born into broken homes almost never turn out okay. Source: my own childhood.
I totally agree with everything you said. You pretty much said everything I was thinking.
Second story also points out the dude lied to the friends about almost everything. He was warned, didn't listen, and decided to blame everything on OP by making things up.
I'm one of a set of twins. My brother and I were always grateful to our parents for not making us be twins. We were given completely different names, not dressed alike, not expected to act alike, etc. We were treated as brothers who happened to be the same age.
I literally am going through that last story. My sister passed away so i am raising my niece. My, at the time, girlfriend forced me to choose between her and my niece so thats how she became my ex.
Good job man. You made the right choice. The bitch in this story is truly a vile person. I'm proud of you.
So you agree that the girl in the last story is a heartless bitch 😂
I'm sorry for your loss
Twin here, it is so so important to treat twins as individuals. Its so easy for us to get identity crisis, lashing out at each other or our parents over the insecurity of our individuality. Whenever I hear a parent dressing their twins the exact same its a MASSIVE red flag. I love my sister dearly, and a lot of that is due to our parents not forcing us to be the same person.
Sometimes twins do like the togetherness. There were two couples in my town, twin brothers who married twin sisters. Lived in a duplex, and worked together in a grocery business until they retired and the place was sold. But twins should never be FORCED into togetherness.
Sometimes twins like dressing the same, especially when they're little. Most twins grow out of it. What's important is to make sure both twins are doing what they want. There was even an early Babysitters Club book centred around this theme - "Mallory and the Trouble with Twins", which was one of Ann M Martin's originals, not a ghostwriter. A pair of twins act like brats towards their babysitters, and Mallory eventually uncovers the problem - that the girls are being treated as one person and hate it. During their birthday, Mallory is the only person that gives them different presents and those are their favourites because they were different and tailored to their interests. However, the twins mention that at a time, they loved dressing the same, and it's just stopped being fun because no one seems to know or care which twin is which.
Last story: so the ex boyfriend plan was to dump all the responsibility onto op so he could relax but, as soon as she broke up with him and kick him out of the house suddenly he changed his mind real quick. Like bruh kids aren't things that you should throw away when you feel like it.
Yup. He's not raising the kid because he thought it's the right thing to do.
It's for clout. And of course everything will be dumped to OP without any help from him just like many similar stories.
No. The plan was very clearly to stay there temporarily until more permanent arrangements could be made and this bitch decided that it was better to dump the dude she was gonna move in with and damn a kid to foster care cause she didn't wanna be inconvenienced
Yeah what a queen! Dumping her boyfriend for asking for help and sentencing a small child who just lost both his parents to foster care! Wohoo good for her 🤡
@@MinusTheCoffee And just why is it her responsibility to give up her life and home to raise someone else's kid that she has no connection to? Nothing is stopping her ex bf from parenting his nephew. You just think that she should be obligated to because she's a woman.
@@LinSama0717 that wasn’t her initial reason tho. Her only reasoning for dumping her him before the update is that she didn’t want to open her house to a child.
I think OP adds the backstory to show that her mother was always like this.
I'm from the Valencian Comunity, a place in Spain and loved to hear about other people knowing about "la tomatina". It's a tradition here, which I have never had the chance to been involved in, even though I will love to. Nice to see other countries know about us. 😂❤
I hate the story because the mother is so shallow. That’s all she cares about are the wedding photos being good.
She hasn’t changed. She only saw her daughters as dolls then and she does now. Best thing to ever happen to OP is moving away from her
She built this idea in her head about the "perfect twins". Has yet to reconcile that fantasy with the reality of how humans function.
First story: it was very obviously the mom's idea, why would Jess want her twin to be the bride in her wedding
Considering that the backstory made it clear the op's mom has always viewed her daughters as interchangeable dolls, I'm not surprised that it looks like everything was the mother's idea and she didn't tell the sister yet.
I think in the past the only reason op's sister sided with the mom is in part to extroverts having difficulty understanding introverts and in part to the mom subconsciously dripping poison in her ear, by both verbally and through action rewatching extrovertedness while abmonishing op's introverted nature. If you raise a kid to believe being introverted is bad and you're being a good person for forcing them into extroverted activities, of course you're going to think you're hated when the introvert starts to distance themselves more.
Story 3; I totally get why she didn’t want to do it. She set boundaries and he was trying to push them. Me personally I would’ve agreed but, I’ve wanted kids since I was 10 so raising his nephew or just raising him until his dad is allowed to take him again would be fine with me. Some people want kids, some people don’t. Glad she stuck up for herself and made sure she wasn’t stuck in a situation that would’ve been detrimental for all parties involved.
I agree with you. As someone who doesn't want kids, I totally understand where she is coming from. She did the mature thing by breaking up with him and not make him choose between her and his nephew. It would have been unfair if she tried to make him choose. Sounds like she took many people's advice and it worked out. Outside people can often give a perspective that we may not see. Fortunately, she wasn't sucked into the situation and found herself raising a kid while also taking care of the bf.
Translation "This girl dumped her boyfriend and condemned a kid to foster care cause it would be inconvenient to help and i'm fine with that."
@@chrisallen9296 no they are happy for it!! Stupid isn’t it haha
Yeah glad she dumped her boyfriend for asking to save a small child who lost their mother. You go girl!
@@MinusTheCoffee She dumped her bf because he expected her to hand her home and life over to raising a child so he could look good. If you actually gave a shit about children, you'd raise them yourselves. But you don't, you just think you're entitled to order the women in your life to do it for you.
Story 1: three weeks is not enough time to get over an accident that destroyed your face. I’m an event professional, and planning a wedding is like planning a colonial era ball - it’s a MASSIVE undertaking, especially if family is flying in.
For the second story. It’s weird that he got so upset. Like, most gulal should be relatively easy to wash out
Well the dude turned out to be a racist pieces of trash so the weirdness checks out.
I think you missed the point. He was upset because he would look for any excuse to be upset because he is racist. A hateful person will twist benign situations into ugly ones. He is a bad person with a bad attitude.
The problem is that he hates anyone who isn't white. He loved everything about European traditions, but calls everything non-European "barbaric".
Depends on what those kids were using.
The kids in my friend circle would use a mixture of cycle grease and glitter and that shit would stain you for weeks. Obviously that wasn't a problem because those clothes were not suppose to be repeated ever again.
Maybe he's upset because his property got ruined due to the direct actions of another person? In a country that has actual human rights, that's called assault, and even if you're an asshole AND you were warned, it's still f-ing illegal.
Actually, warning the person usually makes it *worse* legally speaking, that would be used in court as grounds for premeditation.
Story 1 should be a warning to parents who have twins and think they can play with their twins like they’re toys. They are people, they’re little boys and girls with their own interests, personalities, and their own lives, you can’t force them to be the same person their entire lives and then be surprised your twins become distant.
Trying to push your daughter into doing something like this is a sure fire way to have one of your daughters cut all contact. You’re not just pushing one twin to do something they’re highly uncomfortable with, but it’s also a sure fire way to hurt your other twin and have BOTH cut contact.
That mother in the first one is extremely toxic!! She favors one twin over the other just because she is more outgoing than OP, and it angers me that OP wanted to fix whatever inch of relationship left of the two! Hearing how the mom of the year decided on switching twins for the wedding ONLY for pictures is just cruel and heartless! It’s like she’s saying her golden-twin is very ugly to be in pictures! My god, OP should’ve gone NC completely!
I have a twin brother. I'm a girl so we are obviously not identical, but growing up we had similar experiences to "Jess" and OP. The only way I could do something was if he wanted to do it as well and vice versa. Our mom signed us up for dance classes when we were around 6 years old and I absolutely LOVED it but had to quit because he wanted to quit. Our relatives always referred to us as "the twins", which bugged me, and they would treat us like we were joined at the hip or something. The thing about girls maturing quicker than boys is true, at least in our case, which was so annoying since they would judge me based on the immature things he said and did. If he wasn't trusted to do something then I wasn't trusted to do it either, even when I had proved I was trustworthy. I didn't realise it until now but the reason I've always disliked us being called "the twins" is because it made it sound like I wasn't my own person.
Basically, I wanted to say that I understand where OP is coming from - and I bet it would be even more difficult being seen as an individual when you have a sibling that looks just like you. I went to school with a pair of identical twin girls who were always dressed the exact same and they grew to absolutely HATE each other's guts, to the point that the school made one of them switch class so they wouldn't have to interact with each other. They were like 10 or 11 years old then and I bet they had gotten really tired of being treated like they weren't individual people.
The back story of the twins made it clear the mom was a horrible parent who didn't let her daughters be individuals but to be an exact copy of each other, bit of a control freak symptom NGL (maybe that's why dad divorced 🤷🏽♂️, idk just a opinion)
If I was a twin and my parent asked my other twin to pose as me to married my future husband I would be annoyed. That is my special moment getting ruined because my parent decided that appearances matter more.
Story 1: I’m an identical girl twin, and while our relationship has healed exponentially (it was mostly my mom pulling the strings), we grew up like this. She’s the most intense bully I had, she was popular and social and had to drag my nerdy ass around.
First Story, NTA: Obviously Jess is the favorite of the twins. This is a very weird and insane request for one twin to pose as the other for wedding photos
Second Story, NTA: OP did warn him about what was going on and he refused to take that warning seriously. He brought all of this on himself. Ah, there it is he is just plain racist and disrespecful of different cultures
Third Story, NTA: OP doesn’t have to allow them to stay but OP's not an AH for trying to be there for his nephew. I honestly feel bad for this kid. Well this seems like the best option, OP and her ex didn’t seem compatiable. Oh so now knowing his actual intentions, I’m going to change my judgement. He clearly just wanted to dump the responsibilites of his nephew onto his (now ex) girlfriend
Here before the edits
Please edit that first post. It wasn't the twin asking the other, it was the completely insane mother asking.
@@RawkLobstah88I know, wasn’t saying Jess was the one who asked but it is obvious that Jess was the favored one
The girl in the last story damned a kid to foster care forever, who will age out, and more than likely either be a criminal or die young because she didn't wanna be inconvenienced for a few months. She's an asshole for sure.
@@chrisallen9296 so you'd rather the kid have a 100% chance of growing up in an unstable and broken home with an absent/emotionally checked out father figure who only took him in to look good, clearly not thinking about what it takes to raise a child, and a woman who wouldve been forced to take care of the kid, a child she doesnt want and probably wouldnt really love?
Instead of what? Foster care? Where theres at least a better chance of the kid finding a loving home? Now im not gonna say foster care and the adoption system doesnt have issues. But you're acting like a kid cant pick up when their parents dont actually love them, because they can, and I'm sorry to say but this kids childhood was fucked from the start.
Lets be real op and her ex wouldve been awful parents, and to say that a woman should be FORCED to raise a child she belives she cannot love, and cannot take care of, and fears she will end up hurting the kid like she was hurt as a child, and to point to her and say shes terrible for 'dooming' this kid to a 'totally 100% bad childhood' when he was going to have a bad upbringing in ops house as well, is ridiculous.
You dont give a shit about what the kid would go through, you're just soapboxing about 'hurr durr the adoption system sucks so instead of doing something about it I'll blame op for making a responsible choice to not raise a kid she knows she cant raise properly'
1st Story, the mother saying "If she really wanted to make it so her sister would have to be reminded of her trauma whenever she looked at her wedding photos".
Like.. really? She'll ALWAYS know that's not her in the photo, and will be reminded WHY that's not her.
Definitely giving the mother 5/5 assholes on that.
It actually isn't unheard of. Marriage by proxy is a thing when one person cannot show up for it. Marriage by double proxy is also a thing where both people can't show up for it, which happened in one case where one was deployed to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Both are rare. In either case, you would have stand ins for the appropriate people
Story 1: As one commenter off-handedly mentioned, and I thought of before I saw their comment, it's like OP's mom doesn't see that she has two daughters, but rather seems to think like she has two copies of the same daughter. This kind of explains why OP's mom thought up the weird wedding photo idea. From OP's mom's perspective it'd be the perfect solution, since she doesn't realize nobody else thinks like her, she thinks that for Jess, it'd be just the same as if she was in the photos, when reality for Jess, she'd just see her sister there. The fat is is, OP's mom just plain needs therapy, or anything to legitimately dispell her of the notion that she has clones instead of twin daughters.
Story 3: When we finished the first post I was thinking nobody was the A, since it seemed like the boyfriend legitimately just needed space for his nephew who he didn't want to go into foster care, but also didn't have the means to take care of hin his apartment, but OP as master of her space still had Veto rights, and I fully respect that, though the boyfriend had the right to be a tad upset so lng as, and say it with me now, so long as he didn't plan on breaking any of OP's previously established boundaries. Then it came out that the Boyfriend was indeed planning on breaking these boundaries and making his nephew a permanenet resident, which was very not okay of him. At that point I was happy he'd become the ex-boyfriend. Temporary residence was a reasonable request both to make and to deny, permanent residence was already breaking OP's boundaries and is a lot more important and impactful decision, and the boyfriend had not right to be angry with her if so, not to mention how awful it was of him to lie just to break his girlfriend's, thankfully now ex-girlfriend, boundaries.
If looking back at your injured face in wedding photos would be too hard, wouldn’t looking back at your sister in your wedding photos be worse?
It would be replacing one trauma for another plus having to sit through her own wedding as a guest it's the only reason I'm positive OPs sister didn't know about mom's plan.
My parents, especially my mom, made many mistakes when raising me and my two siblings, but one thing I always thought they did well was that they let each of us have their own interests, and when one of us had a hobby they wanted to put alot of time into, like horseback riding, gymnastics, piano lessons or similar, the others were highly encouraged to find a different hobby so we wouldn't start competing with eachother. We still shared similar creative hobbies, and sometimes when one of us got sick of a hobby someone else took it up, but on the whole, I think it's a good idea to let your kids develop individual interests and let each one of them find their niche. I'd find it absolutely terrible to be constantly stuck with an identical copy of me and made to dress and act the same way they do.
Story 2:
Op: Don't wear nice clothes, they'll get ruined
Joe: 🙄
Joe's clothes: _get ruined_
Joe: 😧😠😡🤬
Im honestly supprised that the mum in the first story wasn't asking OP for a face transplant for her "favorite daughter"
Trying to trick a girl into taking in a kid she never signed up for is the same thing as being baby trapped.
Story 1:
What would be worse for Jess, looking at her wedding photos and seeing herself pre surgery or seeing a nice photo of her husband and her sister in a wedding dress?
The only gig I consider acceptable here, for twins and wedding day, is for them to dress the same, and appear to be in two places at once. With conclusion sometime around toasts, of something like reveal and "my sister made this day even more supernatural, we'll always be one soul in two bodies" kind of stuff. I'd gladly watch this wedding unfold from the very beginning.
I knew something was off when it seemed like Joe didn't understand what Holi was. I don't even live in a very big city in America and we have a Holi festival every year
Story 1, the backstory just adds icing to the mom's crazy cake
it shows that this behavior is NOT a new thing...just new heights of it
I have siblings who are twins, they're not identical mind you (different genders) but they're close to the point where they need only look at each other to know what they're thinking, the thought of my parents forcing them to do activities together like Jess and OP would have driven everyone insane.
What I learn from video like these I learned that people of reddit are good to use for advice if you're shy or don't have anyone.
For that last story even if it’d just been a case of “I don’t want kids in my house” then it’s NTA. The fact that the EX commented that it’d be too hard to take care of him alone really sounds like he’d expect help more than just bare bones “help make sure kid doesn’t hurt himself on something/someway.”
Story number one is just too crazy to be anything but true. The twin is supposed to not want to look at pictures and be reminded of her trauma, but is supposed to be OK looking at pictures and knowing that wasn't even herself? She supposed to be OK with looking at pictures knowing "that's not even me that's my sister? "And what would the family and all of the guests think? Would they know that it's the twin sister standing up there? It's just plain weird
Story 2: the dude is so hypocritical. In Spain, la tomatina is literally the same concept as the Indian holiday they were in, but instead of paint and colors, people throw tomatoes to each other. He is one of those who make American tourists look bad. Yikes.
Story 1: I'd bet money the mom was planning on springing it on the other twin at the wedding without asking, and she had no idea the wedding would be delayed.
Now i want a compilation of rslash's top 5 craziest stories of the year
Story1: ah because it'd be so much better for Jess to see her twin cuddling up to her husband in the pictures than her hurt face
Also dear god please let them postpone the wedding to 2025 and use those two years to let everyone heal from that accident-especially Jess-before even considering jumping back into wedding stress
Yeah it sucks but I think recuperating for 2years to then do the wedding when everyone is ready is the best solution and not...twin swap
The 2nd story got me angry as f**k
Joe needed a thorough beating for sure.
In the clothes ruiner story - It's okay to have issues with traditions from other cultures but the solution is to bring it up beforehand and make arrangements so you don't have to participate. It is not okay to participate as if everything's okay and then wine and complain about it afterwards.
The twin story is straight out of the Netflix miniseries with Michelle Monaghan!
Story 2 if I could afford to travel I would visit op for holi I would buy a sari but not for holi unless I could find a cheap white one hopeing the color would set so it would be a reminder. No cheap white one then just white clothes. In college I heard religions studies was going to throw a holi party I showed up in white. They tried to turn me away because I was not one of his students and they thought I did not understand what was about to happen. I told them I did so they let me stay. I happily went to my next class a rainbow. Sadly they used wash out stuff so the white shirt was still white.
Wow I’m amazed how many comments you get as soon as the video goes up. Love you bud.
And I'm amazed how comments appear BEFORE the video goes up.
@@conexant51 and I’m amazed I got a reply… your turn lol
The last story is so sad. If the ex bf wanted to take in the child, isn't there any way to get help from the government for the child? I wouldn't know since I never had to do something like that, but there has got to be a way for him to at least get some financial help for the child.
Story 2...Holi sounds like a fun time to me. I'd probably be more upset because water balloons sting than anything else 🤣.
Yeah, for the twin story the whole time I’m like OK posing for photos. What about the kissing pictures in Nolan every wedding photo the shoes there are several pictures of the bride and groom, sharing kisses and being intimate and stuff so I was like WTS.
It actually isn't unheard of. Marriage by proxy is a thing when one person cannot show up for it. Marriage by double proxy is also a thing where both people can't show up for it, which happened in one case where one was deployed to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Both are rare. In either case, you would have stand ins for the appropriate people
that first story is actually awful. who would ask that of their daughter?
Sounds like Mom sometimes thinks of OP as the stand-in or something. Like the Clones from The Island. I'm hoping it was just some innocent mental gymnastics, but for the idea to sound like a good one in the first place...
@@luvondarox it sounds like the plot to some awful telenovela. i dont want to say "mental disorder", but it seems like its leaning that way.
It actually isn't unheard of. Marriage by proxy is a thing when one person cannot show up for it. Marriage by double proxy is also a thing where both people can't show up for it, which happened in one case where one was deployed to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Both are rare. In either case, you would have stand ins for the appropriate people
As a twin myself, I can understand that story that much more. Our mom dressed us to match constantly, our mom kept us together for activities, and we were introduced as twins before our names were even given. People always thought it was so cute, and assumed I must love that and that being a twin = a best friend that you're always connected with. It's just not true.
It's worse when you're the more introverted one or unfavored, because you just completely lose yourself by being constantly lumped together by other people. Even through high school it was "the (last name) twins" and it hurts when you put so much work into being your own person. To be out and finally free of that, but to have your own mom suggest a swap like that is so insulting on the innermost level. Parents don't expect twins, but we're still our own separate people who never asked to be attached at the hip this way.
I've heard story 1 before but Dab's description of the sister hiding during the wedding made me imagine her lurking in the shadows behind the altar with a cape draped across her face like Phantom Of The Opera.
But this is 100% the fault of mommy dearest (barring the actual accident) because she has from the very beginning treated her daughters, not like people, but like dolls - or, as another Reddit post described, as a fashion statement.
I will say I dont really like the last update to the final story. Op makes it out to be that they would've been the one primarily caring for the kid. Which may he true but it equally could have been that the boyfriend would've done almost everything and op would've been there to fill in gaps. Like did op think if they said yes and moved in they wouldn't have had to do anything? Like even a small amount of help is so much, and the bf knowing they'd have 0 support couldve deterred them from taking the kid. So while I dont think op is an AH for saying no, I do not like the portrayal of the bf in the final update.
2nd story joe didn’t take your warning seriously it was his own fault he has no right to be mad
That Indian celebration where you throw water and paint sounds like so much fun!
3:10 Well does the mom want jess to be reminded every time she looks at her wedding photos that, the person isnt her but her sister because she was considered too "mangled" for them?
In the last story. I feel really bad for that child. As someone who's been in the care system myself. The worst feeling is knowing you're a burden and that people only want you around because of how you could benefit them. And with his story on Reddit there is every chance that kid could find it and know his uncle would only take him if it came with a free house and live-in babysitter
Sometimes these stories are cathartic, but a lot of the time I get the impression that the story submitter is the one with issues.
Also seems like reddit wants to see people miserable as possible
I've always felt bad for twins. On one hand it seems like it can be really amazing having a sibling the same age as you, and happy twins seem like they have really special bonds with each other, but it must be so frustrating constantly being confused for each other AND being treated as one person instead of two individuals.
with that first story: the mom asking OP to stand in for the pictures so that jess can look back on the wedding without seeing her injuries completely forgets that facial injuries that are so bad that they need plastic surgery most likely means that jess won't look like her old self anymore. there will be scars and slight changes to the facial structure, people often underestimate how much our noses affect the look of a face. in ten years jess won't be able to look at the wedding photos and image herself in OP's place, she would only be able to see OP because jess would look different in a lot of ways.
that "mother" is a lunatic who wanted her perfect doll to dress up for a perfect wedding, and well, one is "ruined" but she does have a spare. what a monster.
Hates Indiana? Relatable (rereads the title) oh Indians not Indiana
I'm so relieved I wasn't the only one 😂 cuz I was sitting here like "Yeah, so? Indiana sucks" 😅
Happy Thursday R/ and everyone! I love you all!
I just wanna say that Holi sounds like one heck of a good time! Water balloons with color? I’d love to attend one day!
I LOVE how animated your voice is with your comments at the end! It always puts a smile on my face 😄❤️
"out of all the stories I've read in 2023, this woman is the craziest" Ivanhoe, that woman who was all excited that her neighbor's wife got into an accident, while she was babysitting their kids, just said that she could try and seduce him away from his wife, pretty sure she's crazier
You know that last story left a slightly bad taste in my mouth. Not for her ex, but for the child. But at the end of the day, it is her home, and her space, and she can't be expected to change her whole lifestyle when she isn't comfortable. I hope everything works out for the kid
Thing is, that kid was doomed to have a terrible life the moment he was conceived. No amount of love and stability can fix early childhood trauma, as this is what creates fundamentally and inexplicably broken people. The only solution is for people who aren't mature, healthy, or stable enough to raise kids to be sterilized until they are, but that's more evil than the problem it's meant to solve.
@Agent Zapdos I have to wholeheartedly disagree, I'm sorry. I know how damaging early childhood trauma can be, as my brothers and I had to deal with it. All of us (except one who doesn't care to work at it because he doesn't see an issue) have accepted and worked through our problems from childhood, and it was all done with love and support from outside our household. Am I claiming that everyone is fixable? No, I'm not. As I stated, I have a brother who is still running on his trauma at 29. The boy in the story getting dealt the hand he got is not a lifelong sentence if he doesn't want it to be. I hope my response hasn't sounded aggressive or confrontational. That wasn't my goal, I just believe firmly that most, not all, trauma can be worked through with time, effort, and love
Honestly to me she gives off Ebenezer Scrooge energy.
@J12 I dunno, I guess. It's her house. There's no obligation for her to take the child in, so I feel like saying she's a Scrooge is kinda unfair. Some people would do it in a heartbeat because "morality!" But others value their peace, and don't want to give that up. That's probably why she doesn't want kids of her own, so why would she take on someone else's?
@@lordblink7962 I mean Scrooge isn’t obligated give to charity or treat his employees kindly. Some employers may do it without question but others value preserving their fair earned wealth. Why should he spend more then the minimum he can get away with? Why should he put his employe’s feelings over his own?
So with the first story I could maybe understand OP stepping in for like one professional photo shoot in a studio so that way that could be the thing that hangs up in their living room and it's a photo that the sister can look at that isn't going to be marked with the scar of whatever happened to her but for the entire wedding is bonkers
Story 1: Being a parent isn’t like playing a video game.
For story 1: i agree that op has every right to say no regardless of the bg. However, i disagree with rslash. I think the idea is very creative. It's not like jess wouldn't be there or something. just, whenever there are photos, just body swap. To me, it's like a stunt double in movies. I can see how it can be viewed as offensive, but i also think that it depends on your perspective. They literally said they considered photoshop. So not having the pre-operation face in final pictures was already considered.
It still will be bad for the other twin however. Let's not also forget about the husband how would he feel about it too. It maybe just a photo but that can do more harm than good
It actually isn't unheard of. Marriage by proxy is a thing when one person cannot show up for it. Marriage by double proxy is also a thing where both people can't show up for it, which happened in one case where one was deployed to Iraq and the other to Afghanistan. Both are rare. In either case, you would have stand ins for the appropriate people
Story 1: DELAY THE WEDDING!!! Problem solved.
Story 2:
I would have LOVED to partake in all of these different cultural festivals!
I think the festival of colors, Holi, would have been exciting to partake in! I would have left my glasses at home, in a safe space, and wear old or white clothes so they get spattered in different vibrant colors! :)
Ok that first story.. wow... but did the mom stop and think about the implications, like at all? OP would end up married to Steve! The WHOLE point of a wedding is that people witness your union!! You Sign your wedding certificate right then and there! You have to kiss when he says "you may kiss the bride" and at the reception EVERY TIME people clink their glasses with a fork!! And what happens if Steve drinks too much and forgets is a ruse?? OH and lets not forget the Garter!!! You gotta take that off with your teeth! SO much wrong with this idea 🤣😂
The barbaric holi festival and barbaric new years festival and barbaric carnival. sure my dude very barbaric they are
Haha 😂 #2 sounds like a blast. This is what you get for not researching common customs/holidays/expectations when visiting foreign countries. I have tattoos and I know that if I ever visit Japan, I’d have to cover them up.
Don’t forget that not only is the mother playing favorites (with twins), but also LITERALLY telling her kids that they are interchangeable in her mind. Like… wtaf?
Holi sounds SO FUN, dude!!!!! Like, imagine running out there with some plain white T-shirts, folded up, and people splash you with dyes and stuff. Free tie-dye t-shirts!!! I mean, I get it could be annoying to some people, but if you don't wanna participate, just stay inside.
That sounds so freaking fun!!! I would want to go to India just to experience something that metal and colorful.
S3
I'm not a kid person either, but dang if I don't think I'd have at least _tried_ to put up with a kid if it kept them out of the system. Looks like OP dodged a landmine, though, with that boyfriend. holy crap.
Oh that's amazing! there are so many unfortunate children in the world, how many are you planning to take care of? Or did you adopt already? 😊
I'm gonna be honest, Holi sounds like a really fun holiday. That racist was really missing out by insisting on having a bad time.
Story 1 the trauma would be worse to see your sister marrying your husband kissing your husband and seeing photos your sister in your wedding dress.
The holiday travel story, thoes traditions sound like a blast. Much more fun than any I've gone to in the states.