I would have never believed ANYONE could control my mind! Well it did happen I was manipulated! I have never experienced anything like this in my life! I’m 52 years old! I was in a 7 month TORMENT! I ESCAPED! No contact for 2.5 months now! It’s so helpful to know that SOMEONE understands what has happened! U can’t make this crap up! People that haven’t experienced a narcissist DON’T GET IT!! Thank you for your videos and your calm sweet voice of understanding! I’m on my road to recovery! As long as it takes!
You have to experience being a victim of a malignant narcissist in order to learn how to recognize them. The narcissistic personality is a representation or clone of the luciferian personality. It's the spirit of Antichrist.
Dearest Mia- me Too! I have stopped telling others- lost many friends cos of this. It was So hard not to be miserable when one has covert n mother. "Wolf in Sheep's clothing .Understanding & DEALING with Manipulative people" by George Simon, PhD...HIGHLY recommend it to anyone suffering who hasn't yet read it. Recommended it by a "Samaritan"(our UK phone helpline to prevent suicide) man & really has been the best book. Chap 10 on redefining terms of engagement; where he states our character vulnerabilities we need to work on - so we don't get worked over by a manipulator: Naiveté(**), Over-conscientiousness(**),Low Self Confidence(**) Over-Intellectualization)**) & CODEPENDANCY (***) .... ** these are the parts I have had in great abundance... Especially naiveté! I just could not believe others out there were bad and very different...couple that with emotional dependence & I'm a narcissist magnet or can be. I'm entering counselling to become more self differentiated (family tree counselling- Jerry Wise CZcams-recommends). It is a hard journey but a necessary one to stay safe and boundaried. The final straw was a covert n counsellor last week! See I have much work on Me to do! "Get the book"-was advice I took & so glad I did. Sending love to all special Empath Pepe's here💖💖💖👭👬👫👭👫👬👭💖💟💛💚💙
Narcissists show you things and an exciting world just to later take it away. They are never there to build with you, they were there to take from you. They are always in survival mode. Past behavior predicts future behavior. There are demons out there. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. Protect your hearts and minds. Share with people who earn your right to hear your story. The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in a bad relationship for one year and one day. Love does not keep you where you do not belong.
Your descriptions are very accurate. Not all narcissists are overtly abusive. They can be very sweet and do nice things. But when the venom rises, they hit fast and low. No one else sees it. They make you feel like you’re crazy and awful when they alter the narrative. Thanks for your insight and sharing.
yep I agree, she can be sweet and do things, but you just don't know on a given day how she's going to be. I call it Dr Jekyll and Hype. Mother is the narc. Been in this relationship for too long, cannot break away at this time. Learnt too late in my life she's a narc. I feel that so much time has been wasted.
I knew something felt off but I had no control over it, felt myself slipping mentally but now I understand she projected her miserable reality onto me. Now, I may have 99 problems but a narc ain’t 1, NO CONTACT for a yr next mth, stay strong 🙏🏽
My ex once told me (with seemingly great pride) that he can get me to do whatever he wants me too. I was sitting in his lap like a freaking child getting hoovered back in for the umpteenth time, when he said that it sent chills down my mind and I froze...at the time I had no idea about narcissists or narcissistic abuse. In so sick if thinking about him and replaying all the junk from the past and it's hard because we have kids and our two boys do and say like he dies and says and act and talk like him. They rotate between being flying monkeys, golden children and scapegoats..it's sick to watch and hard to heal because although I've gone no contact, the triggers continue through the kids and through his so-called co-parenting that is more like counter parenting and passive aggressive parenting that has almost turned my own child(oldest son/golden child) against me. Soooo exhausting
Now that I've been away from the relationship for 4 months, I see so many of the malicious ways I was manipulated and controlled. It is truly frightening to realize that I was completely in love with a monster! A sick, twisted, evil, puppet master. Its going to take me a very long time to trust anyone ever again.
Someone with empathy wouldn't tell you to move on right away after a break-up. That's what makes it abnormal, no matter who ended the relationship, the Narc will tell you to move on like it's easy and not the painfully hellish process it really is. That's what my ex Narc did. He moved on a week later to the new supply and acted like I was abnormal because I wasn't moving on within his time-frame. It's also spot on when you say they fake emotions, including sadness. They will say things to indicate they had a hard time with the break-up and say something like "I went through a lot" which is not even expressing emotions to you. They are fake! This is a really good video. Thank you so much!
Jorja Bleu OMG! Mine did exact same thing, I was devastated after 2 yrs of loving,living with and what I believed to be building a life with someone... I was crying in heartbreaking pain and I’ll never forget days after discard he called me his exact words to me was “sweetie”-with a smirk in his voice “you need to get yourself together, you need to move on” as he ran off with an old recycled supply into the sunset. I was in shock I couldn’t get myself together to process it at the time I cried for weeks depressed beyond my imagination...,it’s been almost a year now and I’ve healed tremendously from that day thank God but I will NEVER forget that pain. And today his supply failed I’m assuming because he Hoovers with me fake epiphanies and relentlessly might I add as if nothing ever happened like he did nothing wrong, they are evil beyond comprehension. Thank you Petra for this Video. No Contact is the way!
You can only understand this if you have experienced a true narcissist. I have, it’s like nothing else ever. Almost demonic. The healing process is not normal. I pray for all victims of this horrible abuse. It is unexplainable😭
Some lightbulbs went off with this one. I think we can hear the same thing over and over many times, but it can take a while for something to actually click and the bulb to go on. I had realized how important it was to the dynamic for him to have absolute control. For some reason I couldn't quite grasp the extent of it --- that I was literally brainwashed like in a cult and a trance, and that he was controlling everything down to my emotions, pulling and pushing them like levers. Thanks also for the affirmation that there shouldn't be a time limit on the healing process. Thankful for all these moments of clarity and closure. 💗💌
I have been covertly abused and gaslight by Narcissists my whole life that I am now mentally disabled I have lost my family my kids my friends my mental and physical health and nobody has ever believed me that I've been abused and I have been forced to take all the responsibility for everything and they are still free to keep abusing and I'm so broken and suffering from their relentless torturing that I have what feels like inescapable fear of trusting anybody and extremely low self esteem because they have not and unfortunately I believe will never admit to their abusing or let me go without completely destroying my life thankyou for your video good info
If narcissists cannot love, then what do they have in its place? The closest emotion, in my opinion, as I have extensive experience with these people, is sentimentality. My mother was a big card giver, so much that you could almost believe those printed sentiments, except they contradicted her actions, big time! Maybe she thought she would actually begin to feel some love if she broadcasted it via greeting cards. She used to accuse me of having no feelings, so much that my codependent father echoed her and told me the same thing. What they were both doing was covering up their own deficiencies, although in the case of my father, I do believe he did feel love, if not on a primitive level. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around not being able to love and having a vengeful, blood-sucking god in the place of a heart. If being that way hurt her so much, why didn't she take steps to change? She actually said in 1989, when she physically attacked me in front of my kids that she "likes the way she is", in other words, being a mean bitch. Almost 30 years later, after character defamation and other dastardly acts, she still has the nerve to say "I love you" at the end of our yearly telephone conversations at Christmas. Maybe in her own twisted way, this is really the best she can come up with. I would however like to explore the subject of sentimentality as I have seen it in other emotionally challenged people, not necessarily narcissists. They glom onto socially visible charitable ventures. This will probably irk some people reading this, but a lot of what passes for Social Justice Warrior is ego-preening and virtue signaling, that to me has a hefty does of narcissism.
My EX is in AA after 20 some years. He is 57 yrs old and picking young women to date who have small children and still in the mother role. They are all recently sober and is preying on these vulnerable women in AA. hanging out with women as young as 21. I think it's because he can control them.he is very handsome and uses his looks and if they only knew he is a control freak with a violent temper.. I was the one who left after a narcissist rage and the minute I left the 2 yr nightmare divorce began..he was dating but wouldnt settle the divorce as he went into hiding..he must of struggled losing control of me after 26 yrs..I just ended counseling as I moved on. I only went back 1 time. I was exhausted by him after 26 yrs. I couldn't do it anymore and it was always everyone else's fault..me, his mom, his dad, his 7 stepdads as his mom was a narcissist, work, stress. Never his fault. Our 3 daughters have gone 3 yrs no contact due to his cruelty to me when I left..my EX also involved a narcissist girlfriend he met and she came after me..that's when our daughters disowned their father. I've been 2 yrs no contact as I had to deal him in the divorce. Do not go back as it's a game to just destroy you if you left first. I walked out after 26 yrs and you do go back to your self and do recover.
Thanks Petra...another good vid..yup..no contact..it takes a while to realise this is futile to keep responding, or trying to fix things..it doesn't work.. 😊💕
I’ve stayed away from my Covert Narc husband for many months now 5 -6 and I can’t believe how happy I am now and feeling so much better and how much I’m healing. Made an Artist friend he is a very good Artist has his works in the Art Museum here. Yes I was isolated & an now making new friends made a few etc.. things are better not living in negativity & put downs & raging with all the anger with my husband. I see things getting better for me. : ).
Great video, and very helpful as it's a perfect description of what I've been feeling. I've been no contact for 6 months now. It was not a romantic relationship, but a platonic relationship with a male person that lasted 21 years. It only occurred to me that he had a narcissistic personality disorder in the last 6 months prior to his moving back to his hometown in Upstate Western New York which is a good 6 hour drive away. I've refused to answer his calls or text messages. I found out from one of his texts that he's moving back here and will be living 500 feet away from me across the street. He's ramped up his texting even though I don't respond, and I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs because I know that he plans to try to attach himself to me again. I've been trying to find an apartment on the other side of the state so I can be closer to my children, grandchildren and friends who are supportive for the past 9 months to no avail due to a shortage of affordable housing. I'm not sure what to do next.
the mind control got so bad at one point, she was in my head all the time, and that is all I could think about. I was so stressed. There is a feeling of dread as each day don't know what she is planning, and what games she will play. Cannot go no contact with her, this would put her over the edge. So minimal contact will do for now.
Wow! I just came across you on CZcams. Your insight is excellent. You are defining my 14-year marriage. I have been out of the marriage for seven years. It's taken a long time to process my way out of what I was told about myself. The damage is long term and I feel for my children.
I am just weak in intimate relationships and friendships, so I have high standards engaging with people. Covert people are everywhere. I am drained by the loose cannons in the world, I am tired of being lied to and manipulated by these con artists. Their negative energy does invade my body like cancer. The best revenge is living well. I won't give one second of my energy to people who abuse alcohol and other drugs. Sad, but I have tried and been burn too many times. Their self centered and lazy. The naracisstic one is the worse, the silent treatment and void. No engagement, it's all phony, then add the drugs and here comes mr. Lethal. I have to really protect myself, a boss is the worse, all the games, coworkers can be toxic as well.
Dear Petra, Thanks for sharing another great and helpful video. The doctrine about narcissism is clear thanks to you. I am constantly doing my homework about this. I become stronger with ups and downs. God knows i need it, for i must put the learned itself into practice through all the pain. Much love to you.
Thank you. I really needed this today! It is such a relief and so helpful to have such an understanding person such as yourself in my world. Love, light and many blessings, Petra. 🌸💖🌸
Dit is zo herkenbaar , al een jaar geen contact en opeens begin je weer te twijfelen aan jezelf , ik zeg dat tegen mijn gevoel nee hou op ik wil dit niet , dus aan de ene kant mis je het , wil je het proberen , maar aan de ene kant weet je dat je toch weer teleurgesteld gaat worden , en dat je het al een kans hebt gegeven
Yes I’m having a real hard time getting over the discard from my very own children who are now middle-aged! I was a self-love deficit with a narcissistic husband. Which seems to have produced narcissistic children that have no use for their mother at all and never have. I’m so sorry but I have been in a great deal of pain! My healthy side says let go I love others and so I will❤
My narc friend was trying to control who I date, when my children should leave home. !!!???? Critical of me for 3 hours non stop.....and can't understand why we are no longer friends.....I did the discard....I bumped into her at the supermarket and I told her I could not put up with her negativity and she said it was me..!!! Lol.
So lovely, Petra. Many thanks for this video today. You look well. Thank God for that. I am happy to see you and I will arrange a session with you soon. Stay blessed! Kamella
Hi Petra! I'm doing well & your videos are still a cornerstone of my healing! Thank you for being there for me at one of my hardest times in my life! #BEingMyOwnHero!
Hi Ms. Tia!! So good to hear from you again and to know that you are doing well. Thank YOU for sharing your vulnerability and strength with me at a time when you felt lower than low. Much love to you xxx
If the narcissists are so damaged in themselves and they find good people like you and I, why can't they think hold on to the good feeling and move away from the I hate feeling the way I do abs this person loves me for who I am and then the narcissist turns themselves around and moves towards us rather than them being stuck in a hatred world or is this something that could happen if they seeked therapy, hope this makes sense, her dad passed away some years ago and I have a connection with him some may not believe but I do, his daughter was a daddies girl and I think her mum was envious of the bond they had but now he's passed she has her daughter my ex where she wants her all to herself sorry for getting off topic
I recently took a look a Holland on the internet and found it to be beautiful in a strange & different way . I have many ?'s to ask you but I don't know where to begin . Holland is so different from what I experience in America . From the weather to the the walking & the shopping to the decor of you living space leaves me wanting to know so much .
I feel like I need to break off the handles or patch up the cracks which started with the wounds from my extremely narcissistic father who abandoned rejected criticized condemned me when little (mom and sister too) so my narcissist husband of 20 years whom I left last year, will no longer have something in me to grab onto to control. Can't shame me if it's not in me can't make me feel stupid or crazy or worthless or incompetent or selfish etc if I don't believe it about myself already.
Told me to move on 2 months ago .One week after we celebrated Valentine's Day. Tried to hover me in March one month later. Then today.Sending me a message telling me how much he missed me. Asking how I am. Just when I thought he had actually gone for good.
If they cannot love, can they really love their own children? My ex Narc is ALL about his child (so I think). He puts him on a pedestal and can do no wrong. Is this out of love or control?
JNS 03 they absolutely do not love their children. Like everyone else their children are a source of supply. They may be abusive toward them! Beware. Narcissists are often sexual predators toward their children. I would find stats on this. They are all alike!
I so needed you to speak on healing time. I 'm three years NC and yet sometimes I have love feelings for him. Can one become addicted to the love bombing state? I am not interested in another man at all and I think if I had a romantic interest, my heart would feel as if I moved on.
Just seems like humans are a fuckin resource to this fucked up demonic spirit. I'm at an absolute loss as to what I can trust in my own perception and its been years since I went no contact. So utterly sick of feeling like shit day in day out. Trying my best to take a step forwards but it feels like 3 back; I find it so hard to try an be "Normal" around others now, constantly on edge and in a state of utter panic and anxiety 24/7. I'd love to fool myself and say it's getting better but I feel like I'm currently fingernails to a blackboard, nothing I do is easy, everything feels like an absolute utter humongous effort, and all I ever think about is how to get better yet nothing has changed. But I didn't have to say that as half of you watching this video are probably going through the same shit. I'm hangin on by a thread
How would I go about safely disconnecting from a narcissistic best friend relationship? I'm not in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, but my closest friend I've noticed has displayed a number of the examples of narcissism you've explained in your videos, over the course of our 4-year friendship, both with me and other relationships I've witnessed her in. How do I take the strides to leave the friendship to avoid the potential destruction she could cause. She knows a lot of my personal information, conflicts I've had with others that could come back to haunt me, and knowing how vindictive she has been towards others who've wronged her, I wouldn't put anything past her. When you talk of the narcissist putting the blame of her life's problems onto me, it's not really me that she blames, but she does blame others, (sister, past friends, ex-boyfriends etc). And she displays what appears to be "heartfelt emotions", which you say narcissists are incapable of truly feeling... how do I determine what is really her feeling, or what she believes she should be displaying in order to get the best of my sympathies? And also, when she is going through rough patches in her relationship, she's the first one to apologize and admit that "it was probably me who screwed up and caused the fight". She also suffers from severe anxiety and depressive behaviours, and destructive insecurities and jealous nature. I fear if I leave, she will either fall apart completely or find some way to come back at me out of anger and betrayal? We live on the same end of the city, and I know that even if I ignore her messages/calls, she will end up on my doorstep, either demanding an explanation for my lack of presence or act like nothing is wrong. How do I stand my ground and keep to my departure, while maintaining a reasonable, higher ground, with the least amount of damage to her already damaged psyche? (She also has a tendency to become violent when she is "wronged" as I have witnessed her displaying in previous relationships) Any advice that either you or your audience could provide me with would be most appreciated! :/
Have you set your personal boundaries as part of no contact? Not taking their calls or answering their texts. Not running to help them when it suits them, etc. You must establish and maintain boundaries and there has to be a consequence involved. For example "I will not take your calls for the next month. If you insist on calling me, I will not answer"h. Then you must stick to the consequence. Boundaries aren't about rejecting someone else, they're about maintaining your peace of mind and keeping your personal space free of toxicity.
Do I have to quit my first and only job I had if I am trapped with an aggressive narcissist? I'm 27 now and I want to be able to use one of my managers as a reference but I don't want them speaking negatively about me if I just quit on the spot... :(
Is the narcissist an ex or management, etc...? U could let the manager know your looking for a new job and get the letter of recommendation now. What do u mean aggressive narcissist?
She is a former member of management and I think that's what's eating at her the most. This overt narcissist had me kicked off our stocking team before but I was let back in after other members of management noticed what a lousy job she was doing after trying to steal my job title. Ever since then it started snowballing into creepier behavior. She started sitting on my usual area where we take lunch breaks. No big deal, she can have my chair and I can go eat my sandwiches somewhere else. Well she just repeated the pattern and started sitting there now (wtf) thankfully our nightly meetings were moved somewhere else but even then she would purposely stand from afar waiting for me to come in just to rush into violate my personal space again. I've reported her unprofessional behavior to management more than once but they always brush it under the rug because she's constantly threatening to press charges on someone if they don't have things organized to her liking. I really thought that if I just kept my back turned and kept it moving then she would eventually get bored with me and chase after a new victim but it only escalated to her purposely following me over to registers even though the one right next door was CLEARLY empty. I don't understand this obsessive behavior nor am I going to make another attempt to wrap my mind as to why she wants to invade my space no matter where I go. This woman is in her late 50s and still pulling these immature kindergarten tactics. It's already gotten to the point where she's had former friends of mine turn against me after spreading false rumors. But if nothing is going to be done about this then I might as well turn in my 2 weeks notice.
What would happen if let's say a female Narcissist meets a guy romantically that is very strong willed who sees through and resists her attempted methods of Narcissist control and aggression? Or if this female Narcissist meets a guy romantically that is a Narcissist as well?
If he truly resists 100%, she would realize that there is nothing for her to take so she would move forward immediately. Being cold and emotionless, narcissists are very practical... why would she waste her time with someone who just doesn't work? On the other hand, if he is just hard but not impossible to tame so to speak, i.e. if the narc woman finds in him some weakness, emotional scars etc. to exploit, she may decide to take the challenge. Seen that...
I enjoy listening to you so much , it’s hard I had many years of this many... I would like your email to send you some Words I just sent / texted to him last night ... I f you could list it here for me I would very much appreciate it thank you 🙏 so much.... Carol Wilson My email I will then give to you , thanks again
Hi Carol, I am not able to answer all emails as the amount is overwhelming. However, thank you for confiding in me. I appreciate you. My email address is noalifecoaching@live.com xxxx
I would have never believed ANYONE could control my mind! Well it did happen I was manipulated! I have never experienced anything like this in my life! I’m 52 years old! I was in a 7 month TORMENT! I ESCAPED! No contact for 2.5 months now! It’s so helpful to know that SOMEONE understands what has happened! U can’t make this crap up! People that haven’t experienced a narcissist DON’T GET IT!! Thank you for your videos and your calm sweet voice of understanding! I’m on my road to recovery! As long as it takes!
You have to experience being a victim of a malignant narcissist in order to learn how to recognize them. The narcissistic personality is a representation or clone of the luciferian personality. It's the spirit of Antichrist.
mia white ,
You're right. People that haven't experienced a narcisst don't get it. Strength for you
mia white
Hello Mia...I too am relieved that we connect and talk about this atrocità experience
Keep strong!
Dearest Mia- me Too! I have stopped telling others- lost many friends cos of this. It was So hard not to be miserable when one has covert n mother. "Wolf in Sheep's clothing .Understanding & DEALING with Manipulative people" by George Simon, PhD...HIGHLY recommend it to anyone suffering who hasn't yet read it.
Recommended it by a "Samaritan"(our UK phone helpline to prevent suicide) man & really has been the best book. Chap 10 on redefining terms of engagement; where he states our character vulnerabilities we need to work on - so we don't get worked over by a manipulator:
Naiveté(**), Over-conscientiousness(**),Low Self Confidence(**) Over-Intellectualization)**)
& CODEPENDANCY (***)
....
** these are the parts I have had in great abundance...
Especially naiveté! I just could not believe others out there were bad and very different...couple that with emotional dependence
&
I'm a narcissist magnet or can be.
I'm entering counselling to become more self differentiated (family tree counselling- Jerry Wise CZcams-recommends). It is a hard journey but a necessary one to stay safe and boundaried.
The final straw was a covert n counsellor last week!
See I have much work on Me to do!
"Get the book"-was advice I took & so glad I did. Sending love to all special Empath Pepe's here💖💖💖👭👬👫👭👫👬👭💖💟💛💚💙
It helped me to understand that it was all an illusion with the narcissists. I view her as a robot with no emotions,
Narcissists show you things and an exciting world just to later take it away. They are never there to build with you, they were there to take from you. They are always in survival mode. Past behavior predicts future behavior. There are demons out there. Wolves in sheep’s clothing. Protect your hearts and minds. Share with people who earn your right to hear your story. The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for one year is being in a bad relationship for one year and one day. Love does not keep you where you do not belong.
Your descriptions are very accurate. Not all narcissists are overtly abusive. They can be very sweet and do nice things. But when the venom rises, they hit fast and low. No one else sees it. They make you feel like you’re crazy and awful when they alter the narrative. Thanks for your insight and sharing.
yep I agree, she can be sweet and do things, but you just don't know on a given day how she's going to be. I call it Dr Jekyll and Hype. Mother is the narc. Been in this relationship for too long, cannot break away at this time. Learnt too late in my life she's a narc. I feel that so much time has been wasted.
It becomes our crack. We become addicted to them. Yuck!!!
That sounds like voodoo to me.
The spell has been broken.
Halleluyah.
I learn a lot from listening to your podcast Petra.
It's witchcraft. Narcissists are natural born witches.
I knew something felt off but I had no control over it, felt myself slipping mentally but now I understand she projected her miserable reality onto me. Now, I may have 99 problems but a narc ain’t 1, NO CONTACT for a yr next mth, stay strong 🙏🏽
My ex once told me (with seemingly great pride) that he can get me to do whatever he wants me too. I was sitting in his lap like a freaking child getting hoovered back in for the umpteenth time, when he said that it sent chills down my mind and I froze...at the time I had no idea about narcissists or narcissistic abuse. In so sick if thinking about him and replaying all the junk from the past and it's hard because we have kids and our two boys do and say like he dies and says and act and talk like him. They rotate between being flying monkeys, golden children and scapegoats..it's sick to watch and hard to heal because although I've gone no contact, the triggers continue through the kids and through his so-called co-parenting that is more like counter parenting and passive aggressive parenting that has almost turned my own child(oldest son/golden child) against me. Soooo exhausting
Now that I've been away from the relationship for 4 months, I see so many of the malicious ways I was manipulated and controlled. It is truly frightening to realize that I was completely in love with a monster! A sick, twisted, evil, puppet master. Its going to take me a very long time to trust anyone ever again.
It´s about learning to trust yourself dear Colette..your feelings, emotions, judgement and intuition
Thank you Petra. So true you have to go NO CONTACT to get away from their poison and mind control.
Someone with empathy wouldn't tell you to move on right away after a break-up. That's what makes it abnormal, no matter who ended the relationship, the Narc will tell you to move on like it's easy and not the painfully hellish process it really is. That's what my ex Narc did. He moved on a week later to the new supply and acted like I was abnormal because I wasn't moving on within his time-frame. It's also spot on when you say they fake emotions, including sadness. They will say things to indicate they had a hard time with the break-up and say something like "I went through a lot" which is not even expressing emotions to you. They are fake!
This is a really good video. Thank you so much!
Jorja Bleu OMG! Mine did exact same thing, I was devastated after 2 yrs of loving,living with and what I believed to be building a life with someone... I was crying in heartbreaking pain and I’ll never forget days after discard he called me his exact words to me was “sweetie”-with a smirk in his voice “you need to get yourself together, you need to move on” as he ran off with an old recycled supply into the sunset. I was in shock I couldn’t get myself together to process it at the time I cried for weeks depressed beyond my imagination...,it’s been almost a year now and I’ve healed tremendously from that day thank God but I will NEVER forget that pain. And today his supply failed I’m assuming because he Hoovers with me fake epiphanies and relentlessly might I add as if nothing ever happened like he did nothing wrong, they are evil beyond comprehension. Thank you Petra for this Video. No Contact is the way!
You can only understand this if you have experienced a true narcissist. I have, it’s like nothing else ever. Almost demonic. The healing process is not normal. I pray for all victims of this horrible abuse. It is unexplainable😭
Some lightbulbs went off with this one. I think we can hear the same thing over and over many times, but it can take a while for something to actually click and the bulb to go on. I had realized how important it was to the dynamic for him to have absolute control. For some reason I couldn't quite grasp the extent of it --- that I was literally brainwashed like in a cult and a trance, and that he was controlling everything down to my emotions, pulling and pushing them like levers. Thanks also for the affirmation that there shouldn't be a time limit on the healing process. Thankful for all these moments of clarity and closure. 💗💌
I have been covertly abused and gaslight by Narcissists my whole life that I am now mentally disabled I have lost my family my kids my friends my mental and physical health and nobody has ever believed me that I've been abused and I have been forced to take all the responsibility for everything and they are still free to keep abusing and I'm so broken and suffering from their relentless torturing that I have what feels like inescapable fear of trusting anybody and extremely low self esteem because they have not and unfortunately I believe will never admit to their abusing or let me go without completely destroying my life thankyou for your video good info
If narcissists cannot love, then what do they have in its place? The closest emotion, in my opinion, as I have extensive experience with these people, is sentimentality. My mother was a big card giver, so much that you could almost believe those printed sentiments, except they contradicted her actions, big time! Maybe she thought she would actually begin to feel some love if she broadcasted it via greeting cards. She used to accuse me of having no feelings, so much that my codependent father echoed her and told me the same thing. What they were both doing was covering up their own deficiencies, although in the case of my father, I do believe he did feel love, if not on a primitive level.
It's still hard for me to wrap my head around not being able to love and having a vengeful, blood-sucking god in the place of a heart. If being that way hurt her so much, why didn't she take steps to change? She actually said in 1989, when she physically attacked me in front of my kids that she "likes the way she is", in other words, being a mean bitch.
Almost 30 years later, after character defamation and other dastardly acts, she still has the nerve to say "I love you" at the end of our yearly telephone conversations at Christmas. Maybe in her own twisted way, this is really the best she can come up with.
I would however like to explore the subject of sentimentality as I have seen it in other emotionally challenged people, not necessarily narcissists. They glom onto socially visible charitable ventures. This will probably irk some people reading this, but a lot of what passes for Social Justice Warrior is ego-preening and virtue signaling, that to me has a hefty does of narcissism.
For me it was my father who was the worst and my mother went along...your words rang true for me
My EX is in AA after 20 some years. He is 57 yrs old and picking young women to date who have small children and still in the mother role. They are all recently sober and is preying on these vulnerable women in AA. hanging out with women as young as 21. I think it's because he can control them.he is very handsome and uses his looks and if they only knew he is a control freak with a violent temper.. I was the one who left after a narcissist rage and the minute I left the 2 yr nightmare divorce began..he was dating but wouldnt settle the divorce as he went into hiding..he must of struggled losing control of me after 26 yrs..I just ended counseling as I moved on. I only went back 1 time. I was exhausted by him after 26 yrs. I couldn't do it anymore and it was always everyone else's fault..me, his mom, his dad, his 7 stepdads as his mom was a narcissist, work, stress. Never his fault. Our 3 daughters have gone 3 yrs no contact due to his cruelty to me when I left..my EX also involved a narcissist girlfriend he met and she came after me..that's when our daughters disowned their father. I've been 2 yrs no contact as I had to deal him in the divorce. Do not go back as it's a game to just destroy you if you left first. I walked out after 26 yrs and you do go back to your self and do recover.
Thanks Petra...another good vid..yup..no contact..it takes a while to realise this is futile to keep responding, or trying to fix things..it doesn't work.. 😊💕
Toxic Free,
That is so truth. 💟
I’ve stayed away from my Covert Narc husband for many months now 5 -6 and I can’t believe how happy I am now and feeling so much better and how much I’m healing. Made an Artist friend he is a very good Artist has his works in the Art Museum here. Yes I was isolated & an now making new friends made a few etc.. things are better not living in negativity & put downs & raging with all the anger with my husband. I see things getting better for me. : ).
Hi! I don't think I cannot be controlled by wrong ppl anymore. You do a good job.
I love your hand gestures Petra, they really coincide with your thoughts, I can see that! I’m Italian so I can appreciate for sure. Love your videos!
Hahahaha! That´s my African blood
Thank you for helping heal the world. You are a gift.
Thank you for realizing and sharing that healing has no deadline...A very important realization. Love and light, and keep up the good work.
Dear Petra. Yes grounding is the goal. Because with them we start living form mind sickness. Grounding in reality is everything. Thank you 🦋🥀❤️🧚🏻♀️
Great video, and very helpful as it's a perfect description of what I've been feeling. I've been no contact for 6 months now. It was not a romantic relationship, but a platonic relationship with a male person that lasted 21 years. It only occurred to me that he had a narcissistic personality disorder in the last 6 months prior to his moving back to his hometown in Upstate Western New York which is a good 6 hour drive away. I've refused to answer his calls or text messages. I found out from one of his texts that he's moving back here and will be living 500 feet away from me across the street. He's ramped up his texting even though I don't respond, and I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs because I know that he plans to try to attach himself to me again. I've been trying to find an apartment on the other side of the state so I can be closer to my children, grandchildren and friends who are supportive for the past 9 months to no avail due to a shortage of affordable housing. I'm not sure what to do next.
Be very careful..... It sounds like he may be obsessed with you ..... I would make records of all interactions and conversations ...
the mind control got so bad at one point, she was in my head all the time, and that is all I could think about. I was so stressed. There is a feeling of dread as each day don't know what she is planning, and what games she will play. Cannot go no contact with her, this would put her over the edge. So minimal contact will do for now.
That was powerful. I need to ground and leave from fantasy world. So True. Groung, ground, ground.
Wow! I just came across you on CZcams. Your insight is excellent. You are defining my 14-year marriage. I have been out of the marriage for seven years. It's taken a long time to process my way out of what I was told about myself. The damage is long term and I feel for my children.
I am just weak in intimate relationships and friendships, so I have high standards engaging with people. Covert people are everywhere. I am drained by the loose cannons in the world, I am tired of being lied to and manipulated by these con artists. Their negative energy does invade my body like cancer. The best revenge is living well. I won't give one second of my energy to people who abuse alcohol and other drugs. Sad, but I have tried and been burn too many times. Their self centered and lazy. The naracisstic one is the worse, the silent treatment and void. No engagement, it's all phony, then add the drugs and here comes mr. Lethal. I have to really protect myself, a boss is the worse, all the games, coworkers can be toxic as well.
Dear Petra,
Thanks for sharing another great and helpful video.
The doctrine about narcissism is clear thanks to you.
I am constantly doing my homework about this. I become stronger with ups and downs. God knows i need it,
for i must put the learned itself into practice through all the pain.
Much love to you.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother although I didn't know it at the time. I am now in my healing stage and preparing to finish my book.
I have a sense they implant thoughts in you, if you're acceptable. A real life lesson if you are a people pleaser.
Thank you, helps a lot.
Thank you. I really needed this today! It is such a relief and so helpful to have such an understanding person such as yourself in my world. Love, light and many blessings, Petra. 🌸💖🌸
so courageous, to tell all this on youtube, maybe knowing that the narc watches. It is not easy to tell people the thruth
Oh yes, they definitely watch these video´s. Tell the truth and shame the devil!
Maybe they get more and more refined by watching!? Anyway, I watch, feeling lonely because no one sees or wants to see the truth.
what an explicit , clear and supportive video. brilliant work Petra
Thank you. So happy to know the video's are of value to you!
Great definition of 'emotional connection'. Kinda what I've been lacking for years. Thank you Petra, great talk x
You're welcome!
Dit is zo herkenbaar , al een jaar geen contact en opeens begin je weer te twijfelen aan jezelf , ik zeg dat tegen mijn gevoel nee hou op ik wil dit niet , dus aan de ene kant mis je het , wil je het proberen , maar aan de ene kant weet je dat je toch weer teleurgesteld gaat worden , en dat je het al een kans hebt gegeven
Ja precies .. Van die twijfel moeten we af..we zijn niet voor niets.. No Contact..
You have such a kind voice
Marie Presho Thank you
Yes I’m having a real hard time getting over the discard from my very own children who are now middle-aged! I was a self-love deficit with a narcissistic husband. Which seems to have produced narcissistic children that have no use for their mother at all and never have. I’m so sorry but I have been in a great deal of pain! My healthy side says let go I love others and so I will❤
Thank you...you are so right! 🤗😘God bless you and your wise words!
I think this is your best video!! Well said!!
My narc friend was trying to control who I date, when my children should leave home. !!!???? Critical of me for 3 hours non stop.....and can't understand why we are no longer friends.....I did the discard....I bumped into her at the supermarket and I told her I could not put up with her negativity and she said it was me..!!! Lol.
The typical projecting game. LOL!
They fight like ten year olds....!!!! No I didn't...you did it..!!!???? Lol
So lovely, Petra. Many thanks for this video today.
You look well. Thank God for that. I am happy to see you and I will arrange a session with you soon.
Stay blessed!
Kamella
Hi Petra! I'm doing well & your videos are still a cornerstone of my healing! Thank you for being there for me at one of my hardest times in my life! #BEingMyOwnHero!
Hi Ms. Tia!! So good to hear from you again and to know that you are doing well. Thank YOU for sharing your vulnerability and strength with me at a time when you felt lower than low. Much love to you xxx
They may think they do . But do they?No they don't . F the f...ing dumbbells.
If the narcissists are so damaged in themselves and they find good people like you and I, why can't they think hold on to the good feeling and move away from the I hate feeling the way I do abs this person loves me for who I am and then the narcissist turns themselves around and moves towards us rather than them being stuck in a hatred world or is this something that could happen if they seeked therapy, hope this makes sense, her dad passed away some years ago and I have a connection with him some may not believe but I do, his daughter was a daddies girl and I think her mum was envious of the bond they had but now he's passed she has her daughter my ex where she wants her all to herself sorry for getting off topic
MrTheomighty1 they do not feel as we do.... we have all the feelings....
Your videos are great...very wise and insightful
Thank you Petra!
Thanks for sharing. Very helpful video.
I recently took a look a Holland on the internet and found it to be beautiful in a strange & different way . I have many ?'s to
ask you but I don't know where to begin . Holland is so different from what I experience in America . From the weather to the
the walking & the shopping to the decor of you living space leaves me wanting to know so much .
Very good video! Thank You!😘
Petra thank you so much, you have helped me so much
You. Explain very well..GOOD SPEAKER
Thank u Petra💖
Thank you.
Thank you again💗
Really good video and so true.
Only if you believe in them. That’s the key.
I feel like I need to break off the handles or patch up the cracks which started with the wounds from my extremely narcissistic father who abandoned rejected criticized condemned me when little (mom and sister too) so my narcissist husband of 20 years whom I left last year, will no longer have something in me to grab onto to control. Can't shame me if it's not in me can't make me feel stupid or crazy or worthless or incompetent or selfish etc if I don't believe it about myself already.
Yes, they do!
It surprised me how quickly this could happen even though I resisted the original narc (my Father). This one was more insidious. 🙏⭐🙏⭐🙏
Excellent...
Thank you
Yes, I will! :)
Told me to move on 2 months ago .One week after we celebrated Valentine's Day.
Tried to hover me in March one month later.
Then today.Sending me a message telling me how much he missed me. Asking how I am.
Just when I thought he had actually gone for good.
Get out of their mirror.
Wow this video is great, I watched it over and over, thank you so much ! Petra why are narcissits void of emotions?
They choose not to relate to those emotions, their role is to go through life `unconsciously` due to past trauma´s in some cases.
Thank You Petra!
Petra Van Deijl Its all so 😢
Explains a lot
If they cannot love, can they really love their own children? My ex Narc is ALL about his child (so I think). He puts him on a pedestal and can do no wrong. Is this out of love or control?
JNS 03 they absolutely do not love their children. Like everyone else their children are a source of supply. They may be abusive toward them! Beware. Narcissists are often sexual predators toward their children. I would find stats on this. They are all alike!
I so needed you to speak on healing time. I 'm three years NC and yet sometimes I have love feelings for him. Can one become addicted to the love bombing state? I am not interested in another man at all and I think if I had a romantic interest, my heart would feel as if I moved on.
Just seems like humans are a fuckin resource to this fucked up demonic spirit. I'm at an absolute loss as to what I can trust in my own perception and its been years since I went no contact. So utterly sick of feeling like shit day in day out. Trying my best to take a step forwards but it feels like 3 back; I find it so hard to try an be "Normal" around others now, constantly on edge and in a state of utter panic and anxiety 24/7. I'd love to fool myself and say it's getting better but I feel like I'm currently fingernails to a blackboard, nothing I do is easy, everything feels like an absolute utter humongous effort, and all I ever think about is how to get better yet nothing has changed.
But I didn't have to say that as half of you watching this video are probably going through the same shit. I'm hangin on by a thread
How would I go about safely disconnecting from a narcissistic best friend relationship? I'm not in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, but my closest friend I've noticed has displayed a number of the examples of narcissism you've explained in your videos, over the course of our 4-year friendship, both with me and other relationships I've witnessed her in. How do I take the strides to leave the friendship to avoid the potential destruction she could cause. She knows a lot of my personal information, conflicts I've had with others that could come back to haunt me, and knowing how vindictive she has been towards others who've wronged her, I wouldn't put anything past her. When you talk of the narcissist putting the blame of her life's problems onto me, it's not really me that she blames, but she does blame others, (sister, past friends, ex-boyfriends etc). And she displays what appears to be "heartfelt emotions", which you say narcissists are incapable of truly feeling... how do I determine what is really her feeling, or what she believes she should be displaying in order to get the best of my sympathies? And also, when she is going through rough patches in her relationship, she's the first one to apologize and admit that "it was probably me who screwed up and caused the fight". She also suffers from severe anxiety and depressive behaviours, and destructive insecurities and jealous nature. I fear if I leave, she will either fall apart completely or find some way to come back at me out of anger and betrayal? We live on the same end of the city, and I know that even if I ignore her messages/calls, she will end up on my doorstep, either demanding an explanation for my lack of presence or act like nothing is wrong. How do I stand my ground and keep to my departure, while maintaining a reasonable, higher ground, with the least amount of damage to her already damaged psyche? (She also has a tendency to become violent when she is "wronged" as I have witnessed her displaying in previous relationships) Any advice that either you or your audience could provide me with would be most appreciated! :/
Breaking contact still doesn’t work
Have you set your personal boundaries as part of no contact?
Not taking their calls or answering their texts. Not running to help them when it suits them, etc. You must establish and maintain boundaries and there has to be a consequence involved. For example "I will not take your calls for the next month. If you insist on calling me, I will not answer"h. Then you must stick to the consequence. Boundaries aren't about rejecting someone else, they're about maintaining your peace of mind and keeping your personal space free of toxicity.
💔
Mother
Do I have to quit my first and only job I had if I am trapped with an aggressive narcissist? I'm 27 now and I want to be able to use one of my managers as a reference but I don't want them speaking negatively about me if I just quit on the spot... :(
Is the narcissist an ex or management, etc...? U could let the manager know your looking for a new job and get the letter of recommendation now. What do u mean aggressive narcissist?
She is a former member of management and I think that's what's eating at her the most. This overt narcissist had me kicked off our stocking team before but I was let back in after other members of management noticed what a lousy job she was doing after trying to steal my job title. Ever since then it started snowballing into creepier behavior. She started sitting on my usual area where we take lunch breaks. No big deal, she can have my chair and I can go eat my sandwiches somewhere else.
Well she just repeated the pattern and started sitting there now (wtf) thankfully our nightly meetings were moved somewhere else but even then she would purposely stand from afar waiting for me to come in just to rush into violate my personal space again. I've reported her unprofessional behavior to management more than once but they always brush it under the rug because she's constantly threatening to press charges on someone if they don't have things organized to her liking.
I really thought that if I just kept my back turned and kept it moving then she would eventually get bored with me and chase after a new victim but it only escalated to her purposely following me over to registers even though the one right next door was CLEARLY empty. I don't understand this obsessive behavior nor am I going to make another attempt to wrap my mind as to why she wants to invade my space no matter where I go. This woman is in her late 50s and still pulling these immature kindergarten tactics. It's already gotten to the point where she's had former friends of mine turn against me after spreading false rumors. But if nothing is going to be done about this then I might as well turn in my 2 weeks notice.
What would happen if let's say a female Narcissist meets a guy romantically that is very strong willed who sees through and resists her attempted methods of Narcissist control and aggression? Or if this female Narcissist meets a guy romantically that is a Narcissist as well?
If he truly resists 100%, she would realize that there is nothing for her to take so she would move forward immediately. Being cold and emotionless, narcissists are very practical... why would she waste her time with someone who just doesn't work?
On the other hand, if he is just hard but not impossible to tame so to speak, i.e. if the narc woman finds in him some weakness, emotional scars etc. to exploit, she may decide to take the challenge. Seen that...
I enjoy listening to you so much , it’s hard I had many years of this many... I would like your email to send you some
Words I just sent / texted to him last night ... I f you could list it here for me I would very much appreciate it thank you 🙏 so much.... Carol Wilson
My email I will then give to you , thanks again
Hi Carol, I am not able to answer all emails as the amount is overwhelming. However, thank you for confiding in me. I appreciate you. My email address is noalifecoaching@live.com xxxx