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Communicating your feelings & emotions to the narcissist
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
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You are correct. Communicating with narcs is like pulling hen's teeth. They don't give a hoot about you. So don't even try it. Keeping a journal is better.
I quit talking about the narc abuse to others. They won't believe you, so just talk to someone who knows what you are talking about. Thanks for this advice Petra.😊
Shalom sister Petra.😊
Pulling hen's teeth hahahahaha! Love that! Shalom to you dear Shirley
Absolutely true
Shirley Akpelu it is the best thing to do. Not all have any idea about narcissist abuse . Stay grounded .
Thats very true. And also that others wont believe you. But I was lucky enough that my friend went over narcs abuse and he knew that person and knows what I was going through. W/o him I would be in a dark place for a very long time. With narcs friendship your instinct will always tell you that something is wrong. Dont try to ignore it.
It makes me feel so sad to realize the truth about narcissists. I just have to stand in my own truth, stay true to myself and treat these people like dust in the wind and let them go.
I am a strong supporter of no contact. That means no emails or messages. A narcissist will just make fun of your heartfelt words, twist them around, ridicule your feelings to other people so you look like a crazy person. Cut them off, they will still try to wriggle their way back in but slam that door shut and live in peace.
Sadly, this is so true. You having feelings and trying to express them seems weak or something to them, something to make fun of. The experience really makes you think twice about opening up again, too.
You know. Stay strong
💯🎯
Narcs care about our feelings. As long as we don't tell them about it. lol PS: They want to talk on the phone so they can control you. They hate communicating by email because they can't play their games as easily. And they do not care one bit how we feel. It's all about them. Thank you for sharing!
I completely beat my head against a wall for many years, naively thinking I could get him to understand what he was doing to our relationship. In the last few years, I gave up. Nothing worked: being calm and rational, crying, yelling, expressing strong anger and/or frustration, as did the methods I tried: talking when things were going well in a friendly manner, at home, on holiday, on a weekday, weekend, writing a letter, using examples and metaphors...I may as well have been trying to communicate with the Great Wall of China: Impenetrable and unyielding.
So true
That is exactly how I have described it:. talking to a wall.
It is SO DRAINING.....AND THEY SIT BACK AND LAUGH UNTIL HAPPY TEARS FLOW WHILE YOU ARE TRYING TO HOLD ON TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
Let me tell you something, sis...
I never learned a bigger waste of time than to try to communicate with a narcissist. They do not care about anyone other than themselves. It is exhausting and draining. I’ve done the exact same thing as you. Tried to talk. Tried to text. Tried to email. Nothing ever got through. Whenever they responded in writing, it was like they were responding to another person. Their minds are on another level.
And I have had the same responses as you too where they shut me off by saying they weren’t going to read my messages and wanted to talk instead. That was only a game to get on the phone and engage in them shouting and screaming. Absolutely pointless. I’m so grateful to be done with them.
As always, thank you so much for sharing.🙏🏿💗
It is truly devastating when you come to see you have let a person who does not care about you, so close to you, into your heart and believed their lies. Like you said it IS SO HARD and very sad.
Also the BPDex would try to mentally and emotionally annihilate me every time I got sick or didn't agree with him. It was severely abusive and traumatizing. I had no information about what was going on. It was like a fog and a spell I couldn't brake free from.
It truly pisses me when people with BPD say they are not as bad as narcissists and people shouldn't categorize them similar. The reality is that partners of a borderline disordered person actually often in the end, think they've been with a psychopath. That is how bad and severe BPD abuse gets. Those who try to shun people talking about boarderlines as abusers, are classic BPD: someone else understand and pity them and they themselves take no responsibility of themselves. Others just be understanding and compassionate. That's the codependent trap of pulling your heart strings. Learn to be more of a bitch when it comes to abusers. Limits for everything. I really had to learn that lesson to save my life.
I hear you Adel. Yes, keep those limits. Set and maintain boundaries and love yourself through the whole process x
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you so much Petra. 💗 It really does culminate to Love, also for my own emotions and recognizing having a need to be cared by the people in my life. Thank you once more for your input to healing.
Narcissist purposefully misunderstand you. They by default are always in defence mode, always in fight or flight mode. They are ready to debate and deflect, its their wiring. They dont even take a second to hear you because of that wiring. Their system can’t shutdown to see things from another person’s perspective. Their broken child-like ego makes it so they always have to win even when their evidence that they are indeed wrong they will still;l find a way to justify their behaviour or they would have to bring the person down with them. I’m sick of this demon.
This is the most difficult battle i have ever experience in my live
Thank you for sharing dear Petra 😘
You are beautiful sweetheart 💟
Yes, I so sympathize with the experience and situation you are going through Pietje. Don't forget that you have a beautiful soul too, I know this having being in your presence. Love to you sweet lady, will get in touch with you soon xx
@@PetraVanDeijl , thank You so much 😘💟
I concur. This was one of my toughest battles
I appreciated the point that you made at about the 10 minute mark. You mentioned the point in your relationship when the reality hits you that the narc sees you as nothing more than an object. When you finally realize that your narcissistic mate does not see or care for your wellbeing, your concerns, your thoughts, feelings, needs and point of view...you feel very lonely and hurt. And you put much effort into the relationship because you are, in effect, subconsciously trying to manage the entire relationship on your own. There is no reciprocation. Very sad thing to become aware of.
A sad truth and also a liberating truth. Once you have clarity, you get to make new choices which can play an enormous part in your healing, empowerment and growth.❤
That was so profound
He says if I am upset over anything, I need to tell him.
When I do, I get anger, insults, silent treatment.
I actually just did this I wrote the letter didn’t send it. But it did seem to release a lot of pent up feelings with my mother . It was therapeutic for me .
Great job Shaya. Yes, writing will definitely lift the load off your shoulders and clear out toxic energy.
This was one of the hardest things about this experience: finally knowing that I was never valued for who I am.
Seeking validation from others is sadly one of the wounds that most targets of narcissism have. Work on holding yourself in high esteem, dear Lola. Value yourself. Once you set a higher standard for yourself, you will not need validation from others.
You are indeed very very valuable.
You have such a lovely calm voice - which is in complete contrast to the narcissist!! Thanks for that teaching I got a lot out of it especially the part which tells us that the narc uses us as a punchbag to lift themselves up, whilst crushing us (not in those words) but that’s what it meant to me. But I choose to forgive, repent and renounce all wrong agreements and cut soul ties. Then move on.
Thank you so much for your warm words Ann. Choosing to forgive, repent and renounce.....now that is some powerful stuff!! Wishing you continued strength and courage.
Talking to a stone. It is ok to call it quits. Best to know where we stand. Yes.
Communicating your feelings en emotions to the narcissist makes no sense...
How painful is that.....
Petra thanks for sharing 💜💜💜
I remember writing two or three pages. That alone helped me to release a whole lot of pent up emotions.
I then went outside and performed a burning ceremony to let go of the past, it was a very transformative ritual for me.
Yes, the burning ritual is a huge breakthrough in your healing ❤
They see you as a threat... Wow 🎆
Now i see it totally. Yes i cry now, but this is so true and healing for me
Thank You for sharing dear Petra. I have seen this video many times but now i really get it
I can not thank You enough 💖 M
Best off not responding if they opt for character assassination and damaging your reputation.
Thank you for being part of my life Petra! Your videos are healing. Peace, Love& Light
Aaaw thank you so much, that is sweet. Thank you for being a part of mine ❤
❤ Wise woman thank you.
You're most welcome
I watch this video 10 times in the last 3 days to remind myself to stop trying to communicate or express myself to him. I tried again tonight so I am her again.
I think sometimes sending what we write can be therapeutic for us. Raised by a narcissist, I have been trained to be terrified of standing up for myself and communicating my feelings to my parents for fear of emotional punishment. Although I realized that my mother would not understand or accept my words, just the act of sending her an email clearly stating how badly she had treated and hurt me was empowering and helped me to break the trauma bond. It was terrifying and so difficult, but I HAD to do it to show myself I am no longer under her control. It was liberating and essential to my healing journey!
Hey there. My mum is a narc as well - really covert and acting really hidden. However I also wrote her and my sister an email.
My email was logical and everyone would understand the logic in it.
My mum answered and said: yes, well maybe it's because you're autistic and you can't understand the world properly.
I got diagnosed recently on high functioning autism, but I never knew about it until I was 27, because me myself I found out and went through the diagnosis. Anyway I made my studies and come along really well, I'm even really social and have good friends.
So she told me, that she accepts my decision, but she hopes there will be a time, in which we can have a "good and friendly" relationship again in the future.
But she didn't said anything to all the wonderfully logical and analytical description of mine about what she did the last 28 years.
I just replied, that she can hope for that, but hoping alone won't bring anything. Since then I've no contact anymore to my whole family.
And that's hard somehow, even when it's hard sometimes. I miss it, that now that I get more and more access to my strength and power and my inner love, that there is nobody to share that with, but one good friend from elementary school.
Recently I made a big step in life and I wanted to tell my family - then I realized, I didn't have any. That was sad.
But it's getting better and better.
Lieve Petra ik luister al meer dan een jaar naar jou video's en dat heeft mij gered om sterker te worden . Als ik me zwak voel hoef ik alleen maar naar jou kanaal te gaan en dat geeft mij kracht om niet toe te geven aan de narcist in mijn leven. Heb met veel pijn en verdriet het contact verbroken en voel me steeds sterker worden
De narcist mijn ex man kan erg gewelddadig zijn
Hij heeft in totaal 5 keer mijn ramen ingegooid en er komt een rechtzaak voor zware mishandeling. Ondanks alles wat er gebeurt is blijf ik positief en luister naar de goede mensen om mij heen
Nogmaals ik wil je bedanken. Grt Gerda
I listen to your videos about a year ago and I wasn’t ready to here your truth. I am listening to them again and I can relate to everything you say. I just wanted to let you how powerful your videos are, so truthful that sometimes we can’t here it until we are ready. Thank you.💫🌼💛
Thank you Tina! Hearing the truth is a very personal process, take each day as it comes and surrender to the process.
Not as much as scared but I believe narcs are envious of your ability to heal through any trauma.
Een heel leerzaam filmpje Petra! Ik heb een substantieel deel van mijn leven besteed aan schrappen, schaven, veranderen in mails en in voorbereidende gesprekken. Weggegooide tijd. Ze "halen geen oude koeien uit de sloot", ze herinneren het zich niet meer of je krijgt aanvallen. Jij hebt het super opgelost na de mail aan je vriendin.
Dealing with insane people, huh? I have a psychologist friend who taught me a technique. You focus on your forehead and can even imagine all the blood in your body running there. That usually makes a person feel good because the frontal lobe is in charge of the higher pleasurable feelings. I tried this with my Boarderline ex and he never felt anything. I found that disturbing and began thinking if he has brain damage which sounds like according to you and other that these people actually have a brain damage.
Many thanks for your videos Petra 💗
Interesting
You serve Love or you serve evil
Make your choice with everything you do
It is up to you
Thanks for sharing dear Petra 💟
Absolute truth dear Pietje
Hallo Petra. Ik ben de persoon die u op straat herkende in Dordrecht. Het was echt bijzonder en voelde zo vertrouwd omdat ik al een tijdje naar uw videos kijk. Heel erg bedankt voor het maken van deze videos. Ze hebben mij door een hele zware tijd heen geholpen.
Wat leuk dat je hier een bericht post Pierlala en fijn om je even ontmoet te hebben!! Mijn excuses dat ik niet naar je naam vroeg. Heel fijn om te horen dat de video's van waarde zijn voor jou. Mocht je je verhaal willen delen, mail mij dan gerust.
Beautifully said! Thank you for your words.
Thank you Petra...I noticed how I became increasingly more quiet around the female friend. My enthusiasm in sharing my life was deadened. You've heard of microaggression...she was the reigning queen of "micro-stonewalling". Petra mentions in one of her videos about how they monopolize the time and "then they have to go"...no time for me to speak. This is a form of stonewalling. They interrupt you so they can go. This friend I had did this constantly.. I'm talking pretty much every time we spoke (texted). She would unload then go...no time for my response. I spoke up once about it and she became authoritative and then the big stone wall. No change was made. I finally ended it.
Thank you for this. Yes, they do seem to want to "talk" (or rather, run you over with their verbal bulldozers), simply so they can do the battle on THEIR turf. This shows me that they need to WIN, instead of communicating. Take care, and keep talking about this stuff.
Exactly explained , Thank you Petra for this great Video! Love, Truth and Peace forever
Thank you and God Bless you Petra x
What a lovely lady Petra is. I listen to you and I’m grateful to you sharing your knowledge. I have long time experience of a malignant narcissist. I have not heard of another experience, the same as I have.
Thank you Janet and you're most welcome. Thank you for taking the time to watch.
Is it just me , but is gaslighting their main way of shutting down any attempts to give any sort of feedback, forget it when it’s boundaries it’s like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum. Very useful information
There is no therapy that would change a narc into anything other than a narc. This is crucial for anyone to know. Pls. Do not put false hopes in people. It's sad they suffered but they will always transfer this onto their closest. Other than that your videos are very soothing and helpful and your voice is beyond anything healing I ever heard 🙏✨
I actually just went through this because it is the only way I can say what I need to say without being invalidated or interrupted. I got the following reply... “I am not even going to reply to this message”. This has happened several times and has destroyed out relationship. I see a man who seems to be able to communicate with everyone very effectively and positively, except me.
I see no hope at all and no way to fix this and am just broken hearted. How on earth can be say that he loves me when he clearly does not care for me at all. 😔 My question is why.... why do the want to harm the very one that wanted to love them? For me, the worst part of all is that I have known this man 40 years, worked for him as a young woman and had nothing but admiration for him. Remet 5 years ago and we were so excited to work together again and after a year, began dating. the last two years has been hell because I honestly could not wrap my mind around the idea that this man, this man I admired so very much, used me in this way.
Oh my gosh, Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!!! I have been waking up in this last year to the truth and depth of narcissism in my family, which I have been completely blind to up until this point in my life. I've been watching a lot of videos lately about narcissism, trying to cope and understand and do things differently, but your comments and advice have hit a Deeper, more Truthful nerve than any other youtube channel on this topic that I've come across so far. So Thank YOU for starting this channel! It is SO HELPFUL, and I am So Grateful for your courage in sharing these hard truths, so that those of us who are still suffering may begin the journey back to ourselves, back to the Bright, Beautiful Lights of Truth :)
Thank you for this video.
You are most welcome x
Wow! Hear ya. Usually for me, I don't even get any response.
Good for you Petra. Thanks for sharing.
Thankyou for this video I felt this all year and I developed a habit of over explaining myself with grief, going to therapy and it made the situation worse you are my teacher🤍.
Truth and knowledge
Know thyself yes
But also know thy enemy.. more
Michael Corleone
God Father Part II
Petra this is right on it...thank you so much. I have been going through this continuously and still go through it as I try to co-parent. Nothing is ever his fault ....always my fault and something I'M doing wrong.
It’s like my favorite aunt ( energy) ... great content!!!
Yes, I agree that a true friend would respond to your e-mail in such a way as to try to heal the rift, but I think they also would not have subjected you to abuse in the first place.
I attempted to explain my feelings to a narcissist, and believe me, I worked very hard to be as fair minded as I could be. My sole intent was to come to an understanding of some very bad attitudes on her part. I thought she could be a reasonable person, so I was surprised when her answer came back haughty and angry. She wrote at the end of her letter, "I'm sick and tired of being put on the defensive." (!?) I answered, "Well, that's a choice YOU are making. You don't have to be on the defensive." It all went no where from there!
I agree with your first sentence 100%! As for your frenemy….I can so relate to the haughtiness, arrogance, anger and being told that she was put on the defensive. I swear they read the same text books and attend the same Abuse Academy. Love and light to you Jeanog
I remember when I finally broke down and sobbed to my mom about me not wanting to be her emotional garbage can anymore. I was so overwhelmed and just exploded in tears. She shut down then told me she had to go and get on the bus. The next day she called me and acted as if nothing happened. The ppl pleaser in me apologized to her for lashing out which prompted her to apologize then continue with the same behavior that triggered me to begin with. I have learned to grey rock her now.
This is really the saddest part of all about these friendships. We can care *SO* much about these folx, put up with so much, try so hard to be patient and understanding. But when it gets too much, and we try to talk to them, we hit a brick wall. We can't raise any issue withou them throwing it back at us, projecting, deflecting, blameshifting, stonewalling or giving us the silent treatment.
My ex-BFF told me I was the best friend she ever had, how she admired me, couldn't have made it through the year without me one October. We then had some of the most intense and frustrating arguments online over the next month or two. So I said, look, I'll come out and see you -- fly out to spend time with you, quality bonding time. Show you I'm serious about our friendship. You know what happened? She said we'd spend a lot of time togeteher, but when I got out there, almost immediately, she began flaking on me, she made excuses, said she was ill, her mum was ill, etc. One excuse after another. I knew she was lying because she never apologised; she never expressed remorse, or offered to make amends, or showed any empathy for the situation she'd landed me in. It traumatised me, and I eventually became so angry with her. I felt so hurt and betrayed. When I tried to express this, it of course came out terribly, I was angry and she simply held up that (reactive) anger to me and said 'See? This is why I won't spend time with you; go home.', and that was it, she shut down communication, and our friendship disintegrated. But I realise now it was only an illusion. I served some purpose and that purpose was at an end for her.
I think you are right: once they know we've seen throguh the mask and we begin presenting their broken, disowned parts to them, their true selves, they reel away in horror. It's like staring death in the face to them. They can't handle the truth, which is why they can't honest an honest exchange.
This is whats happening to me now and thanks for enlightenment. I'm so low that I don't to know how handle cause where in same working environment. But this is help me a lot and the way you explain is easy but best impact. I need to know the power within myself.
Very helpful! My boss is very controlling and lately I have been standing up to her by addressing issues like her tone with me and the anger she harbors. I told her I respect her as my employer, but the constant negativity was taking a toll on me and Boy!! I got a reaction out of her.
You see, I have a Masters degree in Clinical Social Work, but my provisional license expired so I resorted back to being a caregiver part time and I study in the afternoons.
She has a resident/veteran that I care for in the mornings. He has been living in her house for 4 years and needs help due to left paralysis from his stroke.
Lately, I have been standing up to her because she is making me so miserable always picking at little things to complain about when there is just no need. It started out a very happy workplace, but it has turned toxic and she seems to continue to become angry when I am so happy. By the time I leave work, I am upset. Yesterday, I blew up when she got in my face. I asked her to just let me do my work and go home in peace. She started yelling at me saying I am like this and like that. I just said to her if that is how she feels then that is how she feels and I have no control over that. That was the second time she triggered me and I lost control of my emotions.
After things calmed down, she approached me and asked me if we can sit down and talk about things calmly. I told her I am fine with it, but I already know she will not listen.
A little background about her history of workers. She has been through at least 40 caregivers in the last 4 years!! 40!! I am like the 45th and the longest one to hang in there. I have cleaned up the workplace and made improvements that no workers have done for her. I have been there a little over 2 months and I am ready to resign. She is afraid to lose me, because she has an excellent worker and she knows I am good. I told her I will be giving my two weeks notice during our so call argument. I think she is realizing that I am serious about leaving that is why she is wanting to talk. I am still going to give her my notice. She can talk all she wants, I will listen.
After watching this video, I decided not to confront her of her demeaning behavior and the emotional abuse. I know it will not resolve anything. Since I am leaving, I am better off just focusing on regrouping and do self care. I had no idea how much damage she had done to me until yesterday.
I will just write my feelings down and get it out before I go back to work tomorrow. She is scary when she is angry. So, wish me luck on giving her my notice because I know she will try to play the victim and manipulate me into staying. She already did the smear campaign with a co worker, a guy who takes care of her property. But he reassured me that he knows she is the problem. He has been working for her for 2 years and has seen caregivers quit left and right.
I need to get her out of my head and my life. I can still hear her screeching screams.
Thank you for the advice.
This is incredibly well said Petra, it is absolutely true, accurate, completely what happened, what it was like, I know without question that you have been through exactly the same thing as me and you are of a similar nature, that we are 'giving' peaceful individuals.
Thank you Petra💗, so helpful.
Loved how you explained this!❤
Absolutely brilliant! 👏👌❤️
Very well said; with a marvelous accent!
Thank you!
The advice to put your feelings into writing is fantastic. I actually noticed a strong shift in the dynamic with my narcissist after I wrote her a 12 page letter. I did not send it, but did hold on to it for those moments when I have an urge to "go along and get along" with her. Rereading my letter will remind me why I went "do not contact" in the first place.
Thanks again for such helpful content! I have been catching up on your videos over the last couple weeks and have learned so much that is helping me be a healthier empath.
Great move on your part! Wishing you continued strength, courage and clarity on your journey of healing! xxx
This is so true❤️ thanks so much for sharing
I agree 100%. My experiences of trying to communicate my feelings to a narcissist is that it is just an exercise in futility that leaves me feeling even more frustrated and misunderstood. But I have written - well, typed - out my feelings and agree with you that it is very therapeutic.
It is so true. Thank you!!!
You just turned my 2019 resolution. In a REVOLUTION.. 1776 all over... Paul Revere Rides
You describe exactly what my experience was. Thanks, Petra! :)
I notice that if my anger or negative feeling is towards the narcissistic person, nothing good comes from the confrontation. I did it through text. I felt I had to just to show her that I'm not stupid and she doesn't have the upper hand anymore.
According to her, Its always a matter of my perspective being wrong. Always. I confronted my narc and I was told I was bullying for insisting that her treatment of me was wrong and not a matter of perspective. She basically said that if I dont agree that she loves me and didn't do anything wrong then we cant have a relationship. I went no contact and she's the one hoovering me.
Yes! The narc made digs at me for not having a conversation. She doesn't understand that I'm not talking to her because she always ends up screaming at me.
The strange thing with my narcissistic person if I talked about how I felt with my friends they seemed helpful. But if it's about their spouse, family or kids they go into narc protective mode.
I didn't even go into her exploitation of my sister and my inheritance. Wish I had.
I feel bad for her that she has been traumatized. :(
Seems like the text call email whatever your communicating to a narc will be TWISTED and used against you. Stories, false conclusions, negative opinions etc. So it is SMART not to tell a narc anything.
And there is no good in them… so they know we’ll spend years trying… but once we pick up on it, the blank stares, you can really see they are helpless almost and that there’s nothing there… they don’t feel/love…
I had a toxic friend who I started to quietly pull away from and she eventually caught on and she proceeded with a long mean text and her last sentence was “I will not hear your retort!” I was relieved and wouldn’t have anyways as I blocked her
Thank you for this video 💕 I am in so much pain right now after my ex-narcissist left me 3 weeks ago 😞
They actually view emotions and anyone that has them as weak. So why be drawn to me, who is one of the most sensitive and empathic good natured people? I feel Petra it’s because they either want to bring me down to where they’re at, low and stuck, and/or they see something in me that they don’t have and they want to either take it from you or use you passed your breaking point. There’s never going to be any lifting up. They’re in too much denial about their own life to even begin to think about us and ours, and how we could possibly see them as such in that role… it’s too big of a job for them, their pants are too big for their briches… or something lol…
My ex had said to me once on the phone “you seem like if you were to get your heart broken that it would just be absolutely crushing to you and it would feel like so deep and the end of the world to you”, no of course that’s not true, I just feel really deeply for people, something that he doesn’t, but it was a little of a foreshadowing of what he wanted to do to me… I honestly just feel that they’re so miserable (and don’t let anything else fool you), and they just want to control you and bring you down to feel like they feel. I’m hurt so I’m going to make sure that you’re hurt. Type of mentality. I think it’s just as complicated as that. They know who they are and they know what they do, and it’s a sad world they live in…. Peace to you and yours 🌼💕😗
Just gray out the narcissist. Don't see them, become numb to their existence. Like a gray wall you would not take notice. Give simple answers, try sticking to yes and no.
The narcissist tells us. Although, we don't hear it, we don't really take notice of what they're saying as being seriously bad. Mine said "it's all about me" (her), and on another occasion said "you only have control in this relationship because I let you" .. I had no idea how bad this was. And yes, it got really really bad, drip drip drip over time .. gradually broken down completely, and oh my goodness, I completely relate to what you're saying about the email. They completely demean, they absolutely do not want to know, they completely beat it down
Like Kris Godinez says: journal, write a letter (Dear asshole...), write it all down - the good, the bad, the ugly and the horrific -, do NOT send it and BURN IT !!! Do it as often as you need.
Yes, a great way to gain closure!
I periodically write email but I never have a respond. I spend hours also to explain things trying to find the way to fix the problems but I am not heard. I feel so guilty to send email as I’m chase and stalking the person who doesn’t care. There is no point continue doing that. Thank you for your video. It’s exactly in right time and in right moment.
Regarding the damage to the frontal lobe - many of the narcissists in my life a v good at managing their time and holding down jobs & moving ahead in life. As a codependent as a result of childhood emotional abuse & neglect I find I am the one who cannot take self interested action, manage time etc. I think many of the symptoms of emotional neglect mimic adhd traits. I think the narcissistic shell allows the narcissists to forge ahead and achieve more success.
Oooohhh boy.... Couldn't agree with you more. I encountered 2 in a social group I've been in for a couple of years now. Things got very unhealthy when another woman came into the fold, so then there were 2 "Queen bee's" for want of a better term.... then the last few months things just got a lot worse! The gossiping and judging and just vile egotistical statements. I wrote both a letter and sent it.... Yeah... Didn't really work out well at all, got mobbed by them and torn a new butthole 😅 sooo I lost my shit and told them I was done and out! Blocked the pair of them. Sooooooo done with that shit.
I refuse the abuse. When he starts saying negative things. I leave and NOT listen. I also told the narc I refuse to be abused or bullied. He can choose another be a victim but it is NOT gonna be me!
Fantastic information
I'm kind of upset I didn't see this video, well, the day it was made; it would have saved me a lot of energy, pain, and time because, at the time, I was STILL trying to communicate with my narcissistic ex when we broke up. He was calling me an abuser, telling me I'd abandoned him, that I was manipulative... and I just didn't get it. So, I felt like I needed to talk about how I felt and explain my own actions, which was breaking up with him; and when he wasn't getting the better of me, he'd act like he didn't read my text, I guess, and he'd disappear and come back a few days later, and it would start over. It took 4 months for the break up to complete because of this. I got tired of not being heard.
Honestly, it was during the entire relationship; I'd tell him something and he'd just throw me those useless platitudes and/or avoid me until he thought I was out of a "mood" or whatever was bothering me was over. It made me feel dreadfully alone in the relationship and, tbh, used. Because if he was having an issue, I was always there to listen and give advice or words of encouragement, whatever he needed, and I didn't mind it because this was my friend/boyfriend. In fact, when I didn't drop everything and pay attention to him, he'd get upset and make me feel guilty for it. It would just make me feel bothersome if I told him I was feeling down that day and I might go into it a bit, and he'd just say something like, "You're a strong woman, you'll get through it like you get through everything else" and then he'd be off on another topic. It would just throw me off so much because it was so different from how he acted when we first got together and from what his words would say, but I obviously learned his words didn't mean much when his actions were not matching up.
That is why he kept saying "you act very independent and confident-but I will bet you are really lost and lonely on the inside". Because he needed that to be true....oops...it isn't!
I love your videos, I'm so glad I found them
Thank you so much! Happy to know that they add value. X
So true he always says my hand writing is to hard to read. But yet he will bring something up that I had written. I am so tired of him trying to diagnosing me as bipolar, depressed, crazy, etc...We are seeing a councilor we each see him at a diffrent time, the councilot judy keeps telling me to tell him how I feel. Been there done that. The other day he just wanted the councilor to tell him I was bipolar. He is doing everything to make it work I never validate him, never appreciate anything he does..Quietly starting the departing stage. We are not married and own property together so working how to go about this as well. Yes I would take a beating any day rather than this mental crap....
Hi Petra can you make a video WHY the narcissist takes back the things they give as gifts. Thanks
Thank you for this.❤
My Poor Mother......never knowing who you are.
yep you are correct, because the narcissist just does not care, it's always about them as the no. 1. Many therapists will say, did you tell them how you feel? Totally wrong approach.
Great video thank you
There really treat like you like u don
Them something wrong
When there come across a
Strong healthy person who fight
Back I used all my narcissist he’s
Own attack s against them
Till i lost control of my depression what I carry along with for a very long time
My narcissist saw it and there
Abuse my depression to attack me
Sigh...whenever I needed to confront him how I felt, I’d always be the one apologizing at the end. If I texted him, he would tell me he’s “not reading my stupid text”...if I called him, he would hang up and block me for 24 hours. If it came to trying to talk, he would make a list of everything bad I done. Once he told me that me trying to get him to stay and talk is “why men get domestic”. I think this has been one of the biggest reasons I can’t find closure, I’m not heard. And for the most part I’d always try to go about discussing things with him calmly...then he just freaks out.
In the end, I just would bottle everything up and would end up exploding. I still feel crazy shame for it.
He sounds vile. Please don't feel ashamed. He is the one who has done wrong. When there isn't healthy communication in a relationship certain things cannot be solved and that is not your fault. I'm sure you tried to to discuss things and talk things through and tried to be understanding and hoped to be understood. You are very valuable.
too bad I learned about Narcs way after the fact I wrote a 24 page letter that took me 2 days. Their email response after 2 mins was I am not going to read all of this. And the first few lines i read seems like this is all about you you you
What are your thoughts on what decides whether an abused person becomes abusive, or not? Is it the severity of the abuse, or is it to do with their character or personality?
I just want to talk about Peaple who puts thambs down. If I don't like something I just don't angage my self in that. They have right to do so, it is like We have right to like it as well. It is just my point of view. Thank You Petra for shering this video. ❤️🙏
They are immune for your feelings.
Is it true that the narcissist actually is addicted to supply, person, who then narcissist views as an object only to be internalized in order to make themselves feel better, regulated, superior ect? They have no way to accomplish this on their own and they know it? Sad but true!
All very true!
Thanks for sharing your experience and knowlege. An engel ❤🤘🤘🇳🇴🇨🇴
I keep running into this Brick wall. Everyone that i know are NARCS.. Helpp
The only think I would say to add to this wealth of insight is from a Christian perspective. Ezekiel 33 :)
Love you
Love to you Egypt
I just lately answered an email from my ex narc husband (divorced since about 15 years) and called him out for accusing our son of beeing "lazy". (It's my exhusbands most shiny character trait).
Didn't hear from him now for weeks.. guess he is insulted now.
But I had to get involved, I consider this verbal abuse towards our son, that he call him permantly lazy (it's not true, he is doing his best at school and always help me, if I ask for help)
Thank you Petra you have helped me sp much. My question is how do I help children to deal with the abuse of narcissistic behavior from a parent
I hope you get this! Was your second email REALLY WORDED THAT KINDLY OR WAS THAT “THE CONCEPT” BUT WORDED A BIT SPICY?
Sorry....I don't follow. What do you mean?
Petra my God the frontal lobe. Science is my forte. Plus a narc survivor of many narcs. Male and female. When a ice pick lobomity is performed thru the eye.
Into the frontal lobe. Yeah the victim complies. You just in IT the IPL initial program load
Sysres System Resident
Trauma has the same effects of a physical one. Like Joe Kennedy forcing his daughter to have one.
For she was going to publish a book about the King Kennedy
The ultimate system shutdown
With no ability to reboot.. Explained a lot in my life