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Loneliness after going no contact with the Narcissist.
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- The loneliness is real and there are steps you can take to overcome that. Practice self care and develop unconditional love for yourself.
Feel free to email me at noalifecoaching@live.com
I was actually lonelier when I was with the narcissist. His physical presence was there. But they are merely walking flesh. That's it. Except for the first few months. And that's not even them. It's actually them mirroring us. It's all fake.
They have NOTHING to offer. Like infants, can't give you much because they can't. They can only take.
A marriage full of loneliness is worse than being single. Yes, it was like that, a walking flesh just there on his gadgets or out of my reach cracking jokes with family and friends. There was no real attachment after he showed his true colours. I used to feel dominated by his presence and as soon as he walked into the house I was like a machine fulfilling his needs. Whilst he was away I was there to cater for his dysfunctional family. I used to crave talking to a real person and sometimes I got a chance to talk to my family and friends which gave me an uplifting hope. I would rather be out of the Narcissist's reach than be married on paper and get tortured emotionally. He controlled every aspect of our marriage from intimacy to what I watch on youtube. I'm glad I am not there anymore. Those times were very painful but that has made me stronger.
good for you!
Holographic Multiverse or good🙆
Michelle Carpenter
True statement they are like roommates not lovers or spouses. Being alone and bring lonely is two different things.
This morning I woke up with that feeling and decided to go jogging for 10 miles. It’s interesting how long we can workout to release stress. To me, watching these videos and exercising is a way of coping with that feeling of loneliness after getting away from the narcissist. It’s been a hard two months recovery and each day I’m convinced getting away was the best thing I’ve done in 3 years.
I can't wrap my head around how miserable these people are.
It's a bottomless pit. Narcs feel great after just insulting someone but that high always wears off and they go right back to being an asshole.
Literally it confuses me how so much bad energy comes from within them, like how do you live with yourself
I to struggle with this issue. It’s just an indescribable situation we survivors have to deal with.
The anxiety, feelings of abandonment, the insecurity, the inferiority, the self-hate, the neglect, isolation, the depression, the loneliness and the trauma and drama of my upbringing set me up for further abuse from others and eventually the narc. I am healing but the anger, bitterness, pain, loneliness, sadness is a process and some days are better than others. Thank you Petra for your calming voice and your wisdom on this subject. I will continue to reach out to others. Criticizing and judging myself is not going to help me. I am learning from what I experienced, Faith has grown also. I choose freedom and shalom.
Shirley Akpelu yes, I totally relate with everything you've stated...it's been 3 yrs since the whole ended...within those 3 yrs I still foolishly communicated with him...he betrayed me for a doctor...things came to an explosive end when I learned he married her...the whole time he was pursuing her he tried to keep me around because all she was to him was an image...she is what his parents wanted for him--status & $$...he never cared or loved her...but he pretended...basically he is an incredible actor...
it has taken me a while to deal with the rejection, abandonment issues...but im working through it
Keep the faith Maria Lourdes and don't look back.
Same here. I tried maaaany things to get rid of self-hate like all the selfhelpstuff (meditated as hell, did tapping until bleeding😂, journaling...and so on). I want to share that actually the validation about a Cluster B upbringing and the following insight why I am the way I am, always chosen toxic partners brought me peace. From day to day I recognize a more softer tone in the inner dialogue. I really thought this would never change and I am on a journey since 8 years. Thanks to my seventh (?) therapist who validated me the first time in 15 years and the ppl on CZcams sharing their stories. I am so gratefull - to be part of the biggest selfhelpgroup!!😀
I wish you nothing but the best. After all that you’ve overcome, you deserve it
The way you explained it >
At first, I tried to get back in touch over and over again. Now I do realize that he doesn't care, as long as he gets his narcisstic supply. I'd rather feel lonelier then going back to abuse at this point.
thank u Petra u jus walk me true exactly wat I was working on an hearing it from u I know am working on me an heading in right direction
Jennifer I have a child with a covert narc. So I am in touch about our son. And no matter how many times a narc realizes or pretends to realize that they were responsible for continuous gaslighting manipulation, habitual lying there is always the next excuse. Even when you have recordings and text messages of them admitting to their obvious abuse. I'm living that hell right now. It's really difficult for me to make eye contact with her because it's one thing to be lied and manipulated through actions, texts and phone calls, but for it to happen as you make eye contact puts me on another level of rage. So you're lucky he didn't respond. Because if he did it would've probably been more psychologically destructive.
My little Chihuahua keeps my heart open. ❤️. I think I like animals especially dogs better than people
Simply connecting with new people out in the world can really help. It really heals and validates your experience in many ways - especially when you can see the pure instant affection of another human being you don't know after you have been chasing crumbs of affection from your abusive relationships with people that appear to love you.
Peace of mind and serenity were severely violated by the narc--since no contact, my life as been awashed with light, fresh air and freedom. As a physically, emotionally and mentally abused child, I've always wanted to escape my family unit and would fall in love with anyone that would show a little kindness and as an empath was easy prey for all narcs. I'm blessed that as an adult I'm narc free and understand that I must protect my heart myself.
Valerie Hodge bless your heart. I’m really touched by your comment. You just described my life from alpha til Omega.
Hmmm..alone and lonely ??
A Vast difference . I've felt both . But the longer you are alone .. the less lonely you feel.
Being by yourself makes the best of thing redundant.
You are so calming to listen to... thank you.
Yes she is , I can listen for hours and learning so so much from her, absolutely amazing ....
Petra... you are an Angel. Thank you for all your videos. The Way how you explained everything. I watched many videos about Narcissts but yours are exceptional. Because of You I finally understood what really happened. .. and why.
Educated Empath is a Narcissts great enemy. Thank you again.
Agnes Overlander Thank you for being you. Hold yourself in high esteem dear lady ❤
I REALLY needed to hear this today. Been 3 weeks now since the breakup (actually, to be more exact, the "DISCARD" from the emotionally and mentally abusive covert narcissist that I was intensely involved with for the last 4 months). This is SO spot-on what you cover here in this video. Thank you SO much,, Petra. YOU ARE AWESOME!!! ❤️ I'm hanging in there and it's hard when I feel myself getting weak and remembering the "good times". It really DOES feel like an intense kind of drug withdrawal or something...it truly does! Not fun AT ALL to go thruough this but each day and each week I'm getting a little bit stronger (like the Sara Evans country music singer song, "Stronger" describes so well). I always appreciate your videos Petra and the service you provide here to survivors of narcissistic abuse. Bless you!! ❤️✌️
Yes feeling the lonliness. Was with him my Narc many years.. he was horrible to me intbeend of relationship ghosting, punishments etc.. so now I feel like I'm floating in the air. Trying to ground myself so very hard. I have a puppy and a dog my ex Narc abandoned too. They are helping me ...going on walks .. playing with them..etc. I don't trust anyone ....
Your truly a Blessing for so many people who has suffered, My ex-wife robbed me of 19yrs of my life, High School sweetheart i thought during the years it got worse and worse lies, deceit, manipulation. I put my career on hold to raises my children she knew i would not abandon the children and she used it as my weakness, in 2015 God said enough and removed me from a situation i had no strength on my own, I went no contact before i knew what it meant. I got custody of my children and my life has made a complete turn around finding myself realizing my worth but i have felt lonely and betrayed, even by friends and family who were aware of her nefarious behavior and no one spoke up or against what she was doing, im afraid to even date and i don't want to die lonely i am praying that before i leave this earth that i can experience true authentic love i am going to continue to be patient. Narcissistic Abuse should be a crime. Thanks Petra
Your videos are so clean and quiet, just like videos should be. thanks for making these and God bless you 🙏
Thank you. God bless you Mr. H
I have gratitude that I didn’t turn out with the narcissistic manifestation of the same wound we share... as difficult as it is to be an empath, is way rather feel than not feel. Your videos are truth. More so than some of the clinicians on you tube who speak on narcissism. You seem like a “true healer” - much love!
Thank you. It was nice of you to spend you energy, your time to help others. :)
Hi Petra,
it's always a pleasure to see you.
Very good advice. I always say once your eyes are open they could never be closed again.
you changed your Rose Colored glasses to a clear glass of wisdom. it's a beautiful gift to give yourself.
Thank you, Petra! Let me share the 2 post-its I am currently using (these haven't changed in 2 years) :
1- "Bad things happen to good people"
2- "Don't think... Feel!"
I don’t remember having a birthday party growing up. I wasn’t allowed to have anyone sleep over. Very sad.
Same here. .but we are adults now and we can make are own decisions now, so it's never to late to start...I now celebrate christmas and was never able to do that...
Me to
Same here. I still hate birthdays. I would rather celebrate every day for my mental freedom
Spot on Petra! you know your stuff
You definitely have a healing and soothing voice that brings Peace. This video has helped me understand that feeling of loneliness so much. It feels so bad that you want to reach for something temporary to make you feel better. Now I know I need to allow myself to feel what I'm feeling in order to get to the other side. This helped me so much. I thank God for you!
Monique Jordan Your response means so much to me. Thank you. You are enough just by being you! ❤
Thank you!
Former narc friend I used to talk to actually tried to blackmail me with loneliness.
"You wont have any friends without me. I'm the only one who cares about you!"
As if being verbally abused on a daily basis was the better option? Hell no, I got out. But not unscathed. I noticed complete strangers turning their backs on me after the smear campaigns and even then I could tell she was still angry because none of it got to me either and I kept it moving.
This video has helped me more than a year of therapy. Thank you xxx
"Loneliness is inner emptiness, Solitude is inner fulfillment." - Richard J. Foster
Spot on!
Yes I will heal
This video is wonderful, dear Petra!🎀
One thing that really helps me with self-care is getting a full body massage. It gets those natural endorphins flowing, which helps to feel good.
Regarding animals as companions, something I do is feed the wild birds. I have three birdfeeders and two bird baths, and I take care of those. I so enjoy watching the birds and it helps meet my need to nurture. And focusing on nature helps me to remember that there really is beauty in the world.
Wonderfully put! Thank you so much. It is awesome to live life on one`s own terms, almost a magical journey. Keep up the good work, Petra. Kind regards.
This video is priceless!!! Thank you!
Hi Petra! Good Sunday morning! I am truly grateful for your videos. Here I am again seeking guidance and validation for my decisions and trying to focus on the future and reality. I keep coming back seeking clarity as I heal myself. Thank you again!
Actually, I had never been more lonely then when I was married to a naec.
Petra! thank you for all that you share! you have such a healing & soothing voice...your videos help me great deal as I heal from all that's happened
Petra you are amazing...I am going to email you. You have opened my eyes to so many things about my passed. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos, they truly are life saving and life enhancing. Big hug xxx
Petra you have the most amazingly calm voice and disposition . Hard to believe you are the Fiery African you proclaim to be.
Your face just emulates calm and happiness. This particular video was very insightful indeed..and an education. I felt the lonely spell ( after being widowed for fourteen years with a young baby at the same moment. The narc made me feel I'd won the lottery. The feeling was a joy after spending years night and day alone ( as an adult ) ...my son was my saviour ..but, that didn't stop my loneliness emotionally as a women . He wooed us both ...he 'took over' , manipulated with his charm and disregarded all my lone years as a single widowed mother ! I was ( and still am ) told by friends etc what a fantastic job I'd done as a mother and an individual ( that never happened as I grew up from my parents they never praised) and should be immensely proud of my achievements. My son is now 20 years old...he's well adjusted , kind, polite and hold a good job of work. I'm So proud of him . The narc seized EVERY opportunity to trample on that ... He destroyed any regard my son initially had for him ... The narc messed his own life up ...his three children ( adults) are mirror Narcissistic! I/ we are now NO CONTACT and have been for 5months . We moved out of his house ( for our own sanity) three years ago . We kept our property, thank god , sold it and bought another ....we now have once more our own front door again....and are happy ...yes the pain for me ( and no doubt my son ) was emotionally challenging to say the least !!! Things are gradually returning to normality for us .. Phew !!!!! Thanks Petra ...you've been a massive help to gain me knowledge X Love n light
Need to know Bases I just love your story of courage! Wishing you even more love, courage and strength 😘
you are so talented, I came across your videos just yesterday. Thank you for your knowledge, I have been going no contact with my family for almost a year now. Your videos are very healing. Thank you!
Wishing you continued love, strength and courage dear Nicole. xx
My dynamic is different and I’ve never been a lonely person but, I do feel alone.
My mother is a newly discovered narcissist and my sister her flying monkey. I am a former Golden Child.
Don’t put too much stock in coworkers nowadays. Those are coworkers or, perhaps, acquaintances and quite often people you just pass through in life or enemies. Perhaps, frenemies. The only thing that makes them long-lasting relationships is whether the job lasts and you’re stuck together by a paycheck. Any warmth there is saccharine.
Although I’ve only discovered my mother as a narcissist this year, and I’m in my 50s, when I think back, she’s been headed for this for quite sometime. It is lonely because, although we were quite close for years, it’s become quite clear that she views her 2 daughters as slaves to be controlled for the sake of a socio-political goal she has. She has a martyrdom complex and is bent on trapping her daughters in the same.
I have coworkers, former coworkers and acquaintances but, no friends. I never pictured my life being this way. I’m well-aware that there is no one alive that cares about me. People have often considered me to be rather smart but, find it off-putting, although I’m not arrogant because I know there are people far smarter than myself.
But, the good side is that you have to think of yourself as your own hero, almost as if you’re staring back at your twin in the mirror. It doesn’t mean to grow your own illness. Just to be aware that you should not neglect that you still have yourself. That you should respect and do for yourself. Be present in your own life, instead of thinking of what a narcissist wants for your life and what they may be thinking from day to day. As you age, you may realize this more because you realize that your time is growing shorter and you must make space for happiness and contentment in your life - one way or another. Never leave it to someone to rob you of your spirit - without even lifting a finger.
None of this is easy because you can’t always ignore the actual realities of being alone in the real world. People will let you fail even knowing that you have nothing else. You’re not their responsibility but, the bottom line is that it’s unlikely that they care about you unless you wind up in a healthy, loving, close, long term relationship.
It is scary because you recognize that the narcissist awaits your breaking point to return to abuse. They await (or even cause) a job loss to have you crawling back and they usually don’t love themselves enough to worry about whether it will even cause you to abuse them because supply, good or bad, is just fine to them. It is enough supply to them to see you suffocate and be locked in turmoil with them. So, as Petra is saying, you must find ways to love yourself, whether it’s by writing self-loving Post-It Notes or pursuing that which allows you to leave narcissism in your rear view mirror.
And, YES YES YES, if you can and are inclined, adopt a pet. For me, there has been no human that has caused me to rise from the darkness of night with a smile than the pets I have as part of my life. Except for the reality of their short lives, which is always devastating, a pet provides sanity and stability that the human race seems well on its way to disposing of.
A phrase I saw online that has helped me just in the past few days:
Set goals for yourself
Tell no one
Smash the SHIT out of them
CLAP for your damn self
You must. No one cares about your life and goals more than you and l, if you know a narcissist, they only care about them enough to destroy them.
YAAAASSSS! Animals. Every. Thing. You. Said. I think God used rescue animals to rescue me from SUPER toxic people. Crazy thing is...I rescued them from the toxic friend. Grace is so dope. LOL.
I have been progressing so well. I have been a no contact champion.
And yet, this morning I punished myself by going to his social media and seeing the lies and seeing how easy it’s been to move on from me. And it hurt. I knew it would hurt and I did it anyway.
I’m so tired. I don’t want to keep breathing when each breath hurts so much and he’s just fine. He’s got all the support and love from the community and I am alone. I’m so tired.
You are so beaitiful inside and out, why i could not find someone like you. Me myself have been with this type of individual, no love, though i showed much, but only to be taking advantiage of. I still remain to have a good heart, i steal feel the sting of being along but as i look back nothing was added to me only takeing. I just want to love someone that gives out the same love and energy.
My story resonates with the lady who sent tin the email. My husband died 6 years ago. I was getting on with my life and accepted loneliness as a constant companion. I met a dispicable narcissist and when our relationship ended, my loneliness was amplified, almost paralysing. I sincerely hope & wish the author of the email has found peace & happiness within themselves ❤️ Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
Thank you It was just what I need!!👏👏
I am simply amazed by your wisdom and empathy! ❤️
Thank you. Love and light ❤
@@PetraVanDeijl I was recently talking to a friend about family narcissistic triggers and she has no clue or experience with that plight. Since we all have a antagonist in our lives, we will always have memories and emotions dealing with toxic family members. Thank you for your awareness and wisdom. ❤️
@@PetraVanDeijl sorry about the typos.
Other suggestions: Affirmation; Meditation is one of the greatest balancers; Visualization combined with either affirmation or breath; any kind of mindfulness practice: qigong, mantra,watching breath. I do know what that intense bombardment of loneliness feels like immediately afterwards. All of your "dreams" which were really illusions have all crashed, and the "happy future" never realized itself, and instead you are sorting out a personal nightmare all by yourself.
Petras words are like a warm velvet hug around my heart.
Aaaw thank you Brian. Love and light x
I feel you Helen. I've been through this. Petra is absolutely spot on. It does magnify it. But I gave too much of myself away, that's my bad. I have learned to feel 100% happy just being myself, I will always remember to stay feeling that way. I will always be 100% full. If others come along and add to my happiness then that's great. If others come that try to subtract from that I will send them on their way. I don't need anyone to complete me because I'm already complete. In this way I can offer my authentic self and attract others who are also in the same vibration. If I am less I will attract others who are less. Really feel your loneliness it's necessary to heal. Spend some time doing what you really want to do. Go to a movie theatre alone several times, get comfortable being by yourself. This your baseline. Buy some new perfume, buy some tailored clothes, take long baths with your favorite bath salt, love yourself the way the narc couldn't. And learn to meditate, it will help you know your intuition and trust yourself. Once you really know who you are, narcs will not be attracted to you because you will be forthright on what you want from a relationship. Narcs are attracted to holes in your armour. The new you will be narc-proof.
So so helpful. I was relationship with a narcicist for a year five years ago. I finally managed to leave and then six weeks later went straight into the start of four year relationship with another narcicist who told me i was her special one and soul mate who i stupidly married. That relationship i have just left as she has a new source or sources. And i am trying no contact with her but the pull to run back to her is incredibly strong almost overwhelming to beg her to take me back and love me.
I am adopted and im now convinced this has something to do with these irrational feelings.
I know my wife at this moment is not thinking about me at all i owe her nothing.
Watching and listening to this has really helped.
Thankyou.
Thank you Petra. I really enjoyed watching your videos. They are so comforting. Love from the Philippines.
Thank you so much Ariel. Love and blessings ❤
This is such an accurate description..
I cried all the way through x
Thank you, Petra. That really helped. Thank you for suggesting going to an animal shelter! x
Thank you Petra this video found me on a Thursday 2 years from your posting.. so Happy Thursday...
I've been healing from a Naracissitc upbringing and a Naracissitc relationship.. to overcoming my codependent behavior as well as accepting who I truly am.. and finally learning how to love me.. I have gotten alot of information from this.. Thank you for sharing.. it has truly helped with this process
The reminder that it is Now that I need to be paying attention to is very important. Thank you!
Thank you Petra....when you speak it induces security, I don't know that, I am back into cptsd after narcissistic relationship, a total psycho, I am wounded and it is burning so bad
I was love bombed, discarded and hovered for a year and a half. It was textbook narcissism. I felt great in his presence, but when he would disappear for days, the anxiety was off the chart. It got to the point where I was anxious with him and I felt lonely even in his presence. I was starving for affection...
Petra, i love your analogy of the surgeon on focusing on the now. It makes it easier to remember to live in the moment.
It is so true regarding pets. You get this beautiful sense of peace and pure ❤ when you look into their eyes. I plan on adopting a dog from the shelter when i can have more free time and also trying to overcome the guilt of my childhood trauma with my father and my pets(as i mentioned in past comments).
Petra i just want to wish you a very Happy Mothers day ❤💐🌹
TheBestDaddy Bishes Yes! Please do adopt an animal! It will heal you in ways you never thought possible. I had a great mothers day.. . thanks so much 😘
you're the calmest and a lovely Black woman I've met without meeting you. I'm a 66-year-old heterosexual male and well preserved.I've had a 13-year relationship with a covert narcissist and it's over for me! He still thinks we're friends but no matter how much I don't engage him or call him back- he continues!
This has been the best one I’ve watched yet. Really resonates. Thank you Petra
Thank you so much for your mindful, truthful and heartfelt videos. I discovered them today :-) ...it really helps.
You are my soul family. Thank you for your guidance in this incarnation 💓💓💓
Namasté Ollie ❤
Thank you .
I like your voice.... I just even could keep your video going without really listening (what I do! ;) just to listen to your calm voice...Narcissists/Borderliner also have a "positive" power... if you learn quick then they can be really good teachers...nothing teaches more (deeply) than pain does... Greetings from Berlin :) I leave you a LIKE and an ABO
You you are so right i never felt love when i was a child so i look for it in the wrong places so when we broke up i am feeling so lonely 😞😞😞
Women's sufficiency is not in a man.....
And visa versa.
So valuable this video. Thank you, Pertra!
Thank you! Such a nice and inspiring lesson.
I made the experience that I felt less lonely alone then being with him.
This speaks to me. I was never allowed to be myself. I was seen as if I was a mistake.
Petra, I have latched onto my guy friend and trying to make it into a relationship after leaving my narcissistic abusive boyfriend. I know that it is wrong because I do not love this man. But the loneliness from leaving the narc is strong. . I feel like I am using my friend to alleviate my pain. I am not being fair
To him or honest with myself. I feel sad.
How did this story continue?
I was lonelier with him than on my own
Tbh, I think the upbringing you described is definitely why I fell prey to my narcissist. The adults and elders in my family definitely believe the "children should be seen and not heard" thing, the children in the family and younger adults (my area) are still treated a lot like kids, our opinions don't matter, we aren't asked about things, we are never really made to feel special, and I wasn't allowed to have friends outside of school or interact with kids outside of school, so I was a lonely kid. The only time I did feel special or loved was when I excelled academically, which is why I think I tried so hard because that was when I got the attention I wanted.
Moments during my friendship and the early months of the relationship, my narc gave me what I was subconsciously seeking. Someone who asked me things, someone who wanted to talk to me, someone who actually seemed to care about what I had to say and what I thought, someone who made me feel ultra special. However, after a certain point, I believe when I started questioning things he would say or do, which included directly questioning him about things, he started up a lot with his silent treatments. He did it when we were friends, too, but I guess I didn't really care at that time because he always had some excuse. I honestly felt lonely in the relationship and I remember telling him that and he just told me he didn't mean for me to feel that way, but it was because I was too needy and it wasn't really his problem. Mind you, we were long distance and only talked twice a week on the phone and texted good morning and good nights, with the occasional random texts or something. I wasn't exactly sure why me wanting to talk to him a bit more made me needy. But the weird thing was, when we broke up and I stupidly didn't cut contact right away, he told me he wished I had tried to spend more time with him. Like, huh? I was often asking to spend more time with him and he would always tell me I was needy or saying he needed "me time"; basically, he only wanted to spend time with me when he wanted, otherwise, I was being needy or taking up his life... which I didn't understand because I could text him and he'd ignore my text until he was ready to answer it; I couldn't make him spend time with me even if I had wanted, he was always in control of our interactions and how we interacted. I wondered (and still wonder) if I was/am being too needy. The whole experience has really made me so wary and unsure of relationships of any type even though I had never questioned if I was bad in a relationship before. So, yes, I feel a loneliness of him not being around and giving me the attention he'd give me, but at the same time, I feel more alone than lonely, but still lonely, if that makes sense. Probably because I've been isolating myself a lot since we broke up. Thankfully, I have a little dog, which helps some. He's always there.
And, oddly, I do keep going back to the "good" memories of the relationship, almost erasing all of the bad stuff that happened. And the thing that makes me most upset about all of this is I had done a lot of work to get myself better and healing from my childhood and then this just threw me back to the start.
Your voice is so soothing and calming. Thank you for your informative videos.
This is amazing. so much useful advice and a calming voice too.
I love your light blue book case. So airy and cheerful ! ; )
Hahaha! Thank you, my daughter chose the colour.
Best yet video...hits the point for me....simply great.
Lovely & wise message...
Such a soothing delivery..
Thank you 🙏
And not to mention spiritually too!
I was hidden for 18 months by my Catholic parents as they were so ashamed of conceiving me!
Never acknowledged for my feelings & punished for answering back & defending my 7 siblings.
I have been in a relationship with my former therapist for 12 years. He is a narcissist and used confidential information from our therapy to invalidate me & my family (2 of my boys were also his clients - their father died when they were young) &
devalue me once I started challenging him on his rages when I didn't meet his sexual needs, etc.
I moved out 3 years ago & kept going back! He won't trust me with his landline number! Projective objectification about me being "insecure", "possessive", because of his fear of his mother's neediness.
I am feeling so traumatised and in grief in spite of the invalidation of my feelings, putdowns & confusing, controlling me, gagging me about what I'm passionate about in my life.
Now we're in "lockdown" in UK & I'm feeling horribly lonely since he let me down last week & refused to hug me in the street ( having wanted me sexually 2 days previously & bought me a corsette & suspenders!!) when I was very stressed supporting my friend whose daughter died by suicide 2 weeks ago! Him looking like a "good boy" in public was more important. I feel so betrayed 😪
Your voice is soo sweet and relax me a lot thanks 💋
I’m at no contact right now . I work everyday plus I workout and I do have friends I did not allow him to isolate me
Needed this message going through the same thing right now
I have shared familiar situations with my friend who will later bring up what I've shared as an relatable example to me. She knows that my relationship is less than reciprocal with my family. I can and will be there for them but when I'm sick or must go to the hospital, it isn't validated or treated as a concern but an inconvenience. The friend can be talking about XYZ but somehow, they will say, "You know how your family doesn't care about you, well that's how..." I am sitting here gut punched and violated because I shared vulnerable, painful and embarrassing moments of feeling abandoned by my family at my lowest and the friend stores these accounts only to remind me when the situations don't warrant using it. I've told her to stop doing it but they continue. I told the friend that I understand the point that she's attempting to make immediately, so I don't need a correlation of my personal experiences to make it more relatable. It doesn't matter. They are patronizing but claims to be my only support. They volunteers to help but will say, "I wish your siblings would help you more so that I wouldn't have to." I do not ask for help (for fear of that reason) but the person will insert themselves and then break me by saying things immediately after or during "helping".
I understand. I know this is long after the fact. I'm so sorry. I wish I'd found your comment much sooner. I hope you are doing well and that peace has given you new life. God bless you, my friend.
Thank you!
You're most welcome!
Great stuff Petra.
I angry and depressed it's been 4 months. I'm just fed up with it can't wait to feel better, I know it will come
Super madam
Thank you Petra!
You're most welcome! Thank you for your support x
♥thanks petra
Wonderful!
Thank you very much ☺
Thank you ❤️
Do you think we came across the narcissist so we can finally learn to love ourselves and learn forgiveness? I love your voice and informative videos! Thank you for making these and helping the ones that end up going through this. God bless you ❤❤❤🙏
Therapy helps me a lot.
I have a funny story for you about my boyfriends narc roommate. I had been dealing with this guys passive aggressive behaviors. Including setting the alarm to go off every time I walked out of the bedroom instead of setting it properly so it doesn't go off when someone is home. (Even after repeated requests and instructions on how to set the alarm). So this guy was exhibiting signs of being a control freak manipulator. He would place things precariously on and around the sink right in the way of the use of the sink. Like dishes, knives and sponges he would literally balance all around the front edge of the sink. Virtually making it impossible to use without knocking something over. He would make snide remarks and comments about the location of the sponge and he would also use our personal items in the kitchen that were not his. He would also remove our laundry from the washer or dryer whenever we were using them and at one point he had removed and folded my boyfriends underwear and removed my underwear as well. (Creepy) Triangulating with objects not observing boundaries or requests to set the alarm properly. Going through all of our personal items and asking direct questions about them and then walking away without waiting for the answer. etc.. From all his behaviors I gathered pretty quickly he was a narcissist. Mostly I just gray rocked him instead of giving him a reaction.
He finally moved out.
A few days ago, right before he moved out an incident happened in the kitchen. He had made a mess in the kitchen several hours before with all of his crap placed all around the kitchen. Including all his pots and pans on the stove top. (Which were actually already pretty much clean. I remember wondering what he had cooked because the pans were empty.) Anyway his normal behavior was to come into the kitchen when my boyfriend and I, or just me, were using it. So, realizing he was going to do this as soon as he did return to the kitchen I observed what he was doing but acting like I did not care and just hanging out in the next room with my BF. I could hear him vigorously scrubbing the pans (which were clean) for several minutes. At some point I threw a bag of frozen green beans in the microwave which were set to go off in 6 minutes. I definitely knew the microwave would trigger him. So continuing to hang out in the other room I could tell he was definitely loitering in the kitchen for no other reason other than to just take up space and wait to get into a confrontation with someone. When the microwave started beeping I just let it go, knowing it would trigger him. I knew he would not be able to help himself and that something would happen. So, I'm in the other room. The beeping has been going off for about a minute or so and my BF and I are in the other room still just talking about boring things. I hear the microwave door open, and then close. I immediately jump up and before he could even turn around I said “OH, did that bother you?!?!?” Maintaining my composure. He appeared stunned and then I said: “Are you DONE in here yet because we are about to eat.” in a firm rhetorical way. He mumbled something and gestured to his clean dishes (which he leaves in the sink, clean dishes IN THE SINK) and then turned and scampered like a wounded bunny rabbit out of the kitchen.
He never did come back to the kitchen that night. He definitely was not expecting me to confront him that way as I normally never do. 😂😂
My BF actually has a security camera set up to view the back doorway and it catches part of the kitchen. It records any motion. Wanting to prove my point I had my BF pull up the video clip from the interaction. IN FACT he had already finished everything he was doing (it took him 10 minutes to scrub clean pans according to the video) AND we could see he was actually walking around in circles and loitering in the kitchen as I said he was doing. While he was fake scrubbing his pans he glanced over several times at the microwave. I guess that was where he was planning to open the microwave door just to be an asshole.
That just goes to show you should educate yourself on narcissism. It really does make you immune to their abuse or at least able to deal with it and counteract it. Your channel is such a blessing to me.
P.S. When the psychopath moved out he left one personal item behind. A small glass plaque that reads: His name and Bachelors of Science IN PSYCHOLOGY. This guy was a psycho in more ways than one.
Ty, im healing
Thank you
I am in the first 72 hours of no contact with my narcissist mother(who is a preacher) - "deadly combination," and a father who is a weak co-dependent. The level of "evil" that has now been uncovered, is at a depth that is not to be believed. I'm an attorney, and a life long scapegoat..... my sister, (also a minister) is of course - perfection - and so so sick mentally. I am struggling with the thoughts of publicly outing this - literally buying 30 mins of television time, and exposing it all! Is this natural? Is it natural to want to show the world what they have done to me?
At an older age , all ppl die. The narcs will. I wish a safe op.
My question is this:Why haven't I felt lonely at all? We were together for 24 years ,The last 21 years were empty.There was no intimacy on his part and not even hugging.I am bewildered about this.Could it be that I have been alone for so long that I am not lonely because I have been conditioned? I know when we were together,I went through horrible loneliness at times
When i named that feeling i was easier to move on
Grew up in toxic family, discarded by narc.. Now m back to living with family bcoz I lost my job, lost my career. I want to move out
I'm healthier he tried to take my life I had before his envy rage jealousy. he was raised in a dysfunctional home childhood the six child born from eleven sibling was given responsibility of helping raise his younger siblings behind him the control of up keep sister and brothers.
all are adults now dysfunctional alcoholic substance abuse. never had a normal upbringing as a young child. hatred of His step father while seeking his mother being abused beaten daily by his toxic step father.