How the Narcissist disregards your boundaries.

[@christinechambers8133]

Narcissists have the ability to bring out the worst in us. I was shocked at myself for the unhealthy ways in which I was acting out.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Yes, they do bring out the worst, especially when our limits have been reached.

[@Ayat78]

christine chambers me too sometimes I question if I'm a narcissist but I know I'm not

[@SPLIFBEATZ]

They are cancer and you must cut them out, out of your life

[@jackiemorris8686]

A very sad, painful truth.

[@mvmbapple]

Yes, exactly

[@foxiefair123]

I have discovered the secret...there is no way to make them happy. It is the same whether you do everything right or wrong, they treat you the same. It's all about control.

[@CarlosSuperCute]

The Narcissist tests your Boundaries...

[@kenritch3941]

Why???? Only to get cut off ???

[@christinechambers8133]

I set a boundary with my narc and he became an angry, guilt-tripping little demon, gnashing his teeth in frustration and rage.

[@cantwealljustgetalong2195]

He meets all 12. Wow!!! He deserves an oscar for fooling me for a year, but I started lashing back at him. He would call me crazy after I would call him out for texting a new girl aka side supply. My response was "well what does that make you for dating a crazy person?" This drove him insane! I'm so angry at him, and myself. The people with narcissist personality disorder are going to ruin the world if they are not stopped. AWARENESS is key!

[@sugarandspice2136]

I had a narcissist co worker ask me if I wanted a doughnut and I clearly told her "no thank you, I'll pass." Then she put it on my desk anyway. Made me sick. No respect whatsoever.

[@betsybarnicle8016]

And that may be hard for others to understand, but the small things are actually significant signs of disrespect.
Mine keeps asking me if I want a glass of wine...for the last 15 years. And I don't drink. (I'm an ordained minister) About 10 years ago I politely asked them to stop asking me. They agreed. But again, at the next get-together and for the next 10 years she's continued to ask me if I want a wine. You see, she drinks.
It's a show of disrespect.

[@truthfactreality6814]

Mine did all twelve. She is out of my life now. No contact !!

[@PetraVanDeijl]

justin barnett Great job!

[@girlfromnowhere953]

I am finding it hard or can’t gather guts hopefully I get asap

[@griswalds2]

I am an empath and have had many encounters with Narcissistic people, mostly women. I have always maintained there is a sign on my back inviting them to take advantage of my good nature. It has taken me many years to realize this but I am happy to report that I can now spot their behavior right away. ... and walk away before the damage is done. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise on this very important subject.

[@terricoplin5970]

The ability to spot a narc is a great gift of observation for sure, and the ability to turn around and physically escape their path is even a Greater Gift of Opportunity. This Act of Spotting, Ducking and Dodging is Really Only Possible In The Public Arena. Let me, with all due respect, warn you of a more deeper, darker, and desperate situation. I don't know how to sugar-coat this and i refuse to anyway. Please Be Very Careful Who U Allow Into Your Home. Home being where you lay your head to rest. Where you let your guard down. Where you can be who you really are.
Where you feel safe and secure. And this not only applies to people who YOU decide to bring into this sacred place, BUT More So, The Ones that your Friends, Family, Co-Workers and Acquaintances have Tagging-A-Long with them. As Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Old Friends, Baby Daddy's, Baby Mama's, Friend of a Friend, Friend From High School or Any School matter factly and All of the Friends they haven't seen in a long time. I'm sorry, I must sound Totally Paranoid. And Honestly is Right on Point for Now, until EVERYONE In and around my life is in compliance with my rules of engagement. Some of my peeps have no clue as to understanding why it is so important to me, and should really be to them too. The old saying, "Ignorance Is Bliss"..idk..it may work for some people in some certain situations, But, NOT when it comes to Narcs. Once inside your home A Number of Things Can and Will Take a Place. I will spare you and and let you think that one out. Let me just say that my Narc hasn't left my side, any longer than going to work every day, since he came to A New Year's Eve Party I had At My House, With My Brother, as "A Friend From Work", That my dear was exactly Six Years, Four Months, 17 Days, and 21 Hours and 15 or so minutes. I live in a small town in Texas and was told by the PoliceMan that responded to my call to have him removed from my property for Destruction, that he could not do a thing because he had not physically struck me. Until then, our mishaps were Civil send not Criminal. That whether he had lived in my house 5 minutes or 5 years this was His House Too. I said NO! HE is not on the Lease at all. Cop said that that did not matter. Cops are Cocky Ass's around here. I got the point, with a quickness, that he nor anyone on the force, would be helping me out of, A situation that I had gotten into on my own. Call 'em F@#k Wads or even Narc's but their resistance to separate us if only for the nite, like most cops, was not an option nor a topic up for discussion. Check ur local laws to see what blankets you in regards to this matter. It's really hard for me to believe that there are No Laws in Place to protect Females especially. I have always figured that a "Lease" was a "Legally Binding" Document that would keep the Undesireables from OverStaying their welcome, well Not In Texas Y'all, Small Town Texas at least. It's like being in the Twighlight Zone for sure. God Bless and May the Force Be With You! (including the Police Force). Lol.

[@kenritch3941]

@@terricoplin5970 I allow NO ONE in my home, NO ONE....

[@jaclynh9343]

I am forever a fan of you and your videos... Your gentleness and humility is captivating... I will be watching your videos as much as you share them... You are amazing!

[@PetraVanDeijl]

That is so sweet of you, that really touches me......thank you Jaclyn xxx

[@beetee7463]

They'll go into a rage, attempt to guilt trip you or give u the silent treatment if you exhibit the smallest boundary. I commented even before watching the whole vid

[@TamaraChauArt]

10/12 for me wow. I thought I was going crazy, but it’s not me. But I’m over it now I have reached my limit. It’s no fun when u feel obligated like you said to do things that should come naturally but instead you do it just to keep them happy. It’s exhausting :(
Love you videos and thank you for sharing

[@Decmatee]

I once went to a festival with the narc ( she invited me ) with her friends and cousin. we we're in one of the music tents when this guy comes up behind her who she hasn't seen in a while, start getting all touchy feely in front of us, and then leave the tent together. she were snogging him literally just outside. back at the tent I told her I'm breaking up with her an she told me " you can leave now then" - at my first ever festival, far from home.
And somehow Petra, she managed to talk me into this being OK, and I SOMEHOW put it behind us?!
There's just no limits to the bullshit they'll put you through, and they'll have you believing your the cause of it.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Yes, once again I can relate to this. They have a sick way of twisting a downright nasty situation into being one where you just go along and think "well maybe they're right"

[@Ayat78]

You are a very nice lady and extremely eloquent. I think I suffered at the hands of a narcissist, I've met some pretty awful people in life, but never met anyone as evil as him in my life.... Hopefully will make me stronger I know I'll never accept that type of behaviour from anyone again.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

I find all of your videos beneficial & your presentation of information refreshing & effective. Thank you. :)

[@PetraVanDeijl]

HowdyDo CowGirl Thank you so much.

[@PEACESEATINGDISORDERVLOG]

SO INSIGHTFUL! You're wonderful at what you do; dramatically making world a better place for caring, empathic humans. SO MUCH LOVE to give, but we need real savvy to grow this love.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Thank you. Let's all just keep spreading the love! xxx

[@girlfromnowhere953]

ABSOLUTELY 💯 correct Everything makes sense now. Thankyou 🙏

[@pattyholmes127]

Don't say no or you will regret it! Just get away from those horrible creatures.

[@chikaka2012]

I think this is the key trait of anyone with a personality disorder, including narcissism

[@JJDay88]

Thank you, Petra, you are helping me to remove the cloud from my eyes in regards to my current best friend. I've seen for a while now that she was showing signs of narcissistic behaviour, but I'd always chalked it up to her just being from a toxic background and dismissed that she was really toxic herself. Each of the 12 examples you gave here in this video, she has displayed at one point or another during our friendship. She makes me feel bad for my personal style, always making me feel like I'm "outdated" or that my style isn't as great as hers. Whenever there is drama going on in her life, (which is all the time) she brings me into it, calls/texts me at all hours of the day or night to complain, or get me to boost her up rather than deal with it herself. Any advice that I give her, she rarely takes it, which leaves me feeling like she doesn't value my opinions or advice. She's right about everything or gives me the feeling like my knowledge or experiences in certain situations don't match hers. When I have problems of my own, I get maybe 5 minutes to share my story, and then she always finds some way to apply it to her own life, even if it really doesn't, and then I have to keep trying to fit the rest of my problems into her interruptions until I just give up. But she always gives me little confidence boosts by saying things like, "What would I do without you?" or "I appreciate that you're always there for me, and all you do for me." But, I am now starting to realize that that is her manipulation tactic for keeping me there because even after she says the nice things, she goes right back to being self-involved and not hearing me out when I need it. Sorry for the lengthy comment, but I just wanted to share my narcissistic friendship with you and your audience, to help both myself and others that may have experienced similar situations. :) Thank you for your vidoes! :)

[@kenritch3941]

Hopefully you'll slowly phase this person out of your life.

[@PsychedPerspective]

Oh yes! My ex narc friend disregarded all of my boundaries then accused me of not respecting his boundaries in a txt while discarding me lmao 🤣 I can’t help but cry and laugh about it look back. No contact for life.

[@summydots]

You're so calm & collected. I not only like the content that you put out, but also your personality.

[@frankly5171]

Thank you for your excellent and wonderfully helpful insight and understanding of the nature of these hurtful people.
I find this video to be one of your most helpful.
You are a great blessing to many :)

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Frank Ly Thank you so much. Love to you

[@BelleOfAmherst]

Petra, I want to thank you for presenting the information of describing the narcissist in a much more practical way, the way WE experience them in our everyday lives, as opposed to the traditional DSM criteria. I find the DSM definition so unhelpful, inaccurate even, when it comes to what it is like to have a narcissist in your life. Your 12-point list is thoughtful, useful, accurate and I am grateful to have come upon it, as it seems I was only discovering more and more DSM descriptions. As I am sure you know, not only do we face the challenge of identifying what is "wrong", but often we find many therapists who are not taught the finer points of narcissism so they might more effectively assist us in moving forward. So, again, THANK YOU! With this list, it has helped me to be certain of what I am dealing with. I'm discovering a wonderful community of people on CZcams, who, like you, are dedicated to helping us achieve our goals and become our best selves, starting with learning how to "thrive" again, in the face of a narcissist determined to see us destroyed. Warmest regards & blessings to you, Belle 🙏🏼❤️💫

[@pauldeegan7342]

Hi Petra, thank you for your clear and insightful information. I find your videos sadly reflect my own personal experience with the mother of my child over the past 12 years. I am in the very early stages of recovery from this relationship but still have to maintain daily contact - it is gratifying to know there is light at what has seemed an endless dark and toxic tunnel. I wish you much joy and thanks for spreading light to so many who must have thought they were going insane so many times.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Thank you for sharing a part of your story Paul. Healing is a life time commitment. I wish you continued strength and courage!

[@pa777billy]

I was experiencing this with my mother & my sister . They got along fine with each other and I was always labeled as
the bad guy . There are too many things to tell you about my experiences with those two . I am sooooo glad I have
found you . Thank you Peggy

[@aprillove10]

They lay claim on your personal belongings too. Like jewelry, baby dolls, clothing and they don’t want you to own anything. They will even use pets to triangulate.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Truth right here!

[@virginiarunyan3515]

Absolutely spot on! Thank you for this validation and for your kind and beautiful spirit. You have helped me immeasurably.

[@thesefoolishthings296]

The main Narc I am dealing with, just loooooves to push and push and push, when they have been made aware of the fact that at the moment I am taking timeout to deal with a situation-they have even ignored my requests to then say ‘I don’t want to pester you’, with a snotty tone. 🙄 So, very, tedious. I hang up the phone now when she tries the whole guilt trip thing, cutting her off with a cheery ‘Thanks for ringing, bye!’. I can feel her seething all those miles away! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@deborahmaxwell8777]

Hello. My name is Deborah l was in a relationship for 8 months with a narcissis. All your points l saw in my own relationship. It was the first time in my 52 years of life that l encounter this type of behavior. I know what helped me get out was my God and the fiery attitude he gave me like the one you spoke about in yourself. Lol 😁
Yes he hated boundaries too. He would leave shoes and clothes in the middle of my living room floor. I kindly asked if he would put the shoes on the stairs and dirty close in wash or hamper. He blew up that rage was crazy. Within the next hour or two he would go outside for something come back in and leave the shoes on the floor again. I thought to myself what is wrong with him he's not a kid I wouldn't be cleanup behind him. Lol 😂🤣😂🤣
I always knew something was wrong l just couldn't put my hands on it!! I just wanted to tell you l have enjoyed your video's they have been truly in lightening.
I believe l have been equipped by you/orher video's and my God to be able to recognize the narcissis when and if one should cross my path again.
Thank you again😚😚😚

[@revivewellness392]

Omg yes, my Narc would text early in the am and I would say I'm working. She would then call me on the phone omg. When I didn't know better I would stay on- she would talk for like 20 min non stop and would invalidate my job because she is self employed.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Revive Wellness Yep, can relate to this 👍

[@lisamichelle8413]

When I tried setting boundaries he got abusive .. told me I was attacking him, ... then accused me of abuse 🙄🙄

[@amid610]

They turn things around to make you look like the crazy one in front of others. And like they are victims. In their heads they are 200% convinced they are victims of the whole world and thus entitled to make the world suffer.

[@aliceroberts1980]

They destroy your things and then act like it’s an accident with a snicker on their face. Never replace what they destroyed.

[@dakine4238]

Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that. I am working through my abuse now and am so happy I found your videos.

[@PsychedPerspective]

Yup he always was at my house and I opened my house to him. I always felt bad because of what he was going through with another toxic person which is funny again looking back at it ...again NO contact for life!!!

[@art_strings]

You have a lovely voice and I'm glad you rebuilt your practice and that it's successful. I appreciate hearing you speak about these traits, it's something I can keep an eye out for!

[@romanalazalde227]

Omg. She did say terrible things about my kids. I told her things about my daughter bad decisions, she was caught drinking and driving. My daughter is dealing with it and I just stopped telling her anything.

[@aishas.6985]

Now I know why the narc refuses to respect my boundaries. "What's mine is also theirs". Mind blowing! This reminded me of the time she wanted to take my 8 month old son to Ca for a whole month. I told her absolutely no. I was met with the silent treatment for months. She ignored ALL my calls and texts. It was if I was no longer her child. It was really crazy! WHO would ever ask a mother for her child for a month? Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. It really helps me understand why my mother hates boundaries. Eye opening video! I love your videos. Very healing.

[@tater4379]

another wicked vid ~ So grateful. Bless ~ If a Narc abandons or drops you - After the pain.... kiss the sky they weren't a stalker ~ fer realsies peeps. with LOVE

[@tricuspert]

So true I'm in loveboming stage I think he feels I'm going to leave him I called him out. The tears didn't come yet. They will come soon I feel it.

[@NickyLindolls]

Hi Petra, thank you sooo much for this video! I am an adult child of a covert narcissist mother. I've known about this condition for about a year, and went no contact for a few months last year after Mother's Day, but she came to my daughter's school on my birthday with flowers less than 7 weeks later. I sent her flowers for her birthday a few months after that. She showed up at my house with a pumpkin mid October and cried, and then noticed that I wasn't having it, tried to back peddle and expressed that she would like to see a counselor so we could figure things out. I sent her an email after that thanking her for her desire to figure things out, but told her that she cant just come to my house when ever it was convenient for her. After a few weeks I allowed her to visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas. On Christmas she said my almost two year old son was manipulating me. I glowered at her and told her that she was manipulative. Years of talks where she would agree with me that little children don't' manipulate was finally used against me. Now she continually violates my boundaries by stopping by the house when she thinks I'm not home to drop off gifts for the kids. My son's birthday, a month later for my daughter's birthday, and then the most recent was Easter. My kids like her but never ask about her or ask to see her, probably because they see the monster i become in her presence. I'm wondering if I do go from low contact back to no contact. She has expressed desire to see a counselor together, but that is probably because she's confidant that she can manipulate them to see her as a victim. Well after all that ive answered my own question. I need there to be no contact.

[@nmariejenkins2041]

Move. No joke. If she gets a foothold in their lives, they will be at risk for her abuse or turned against you. I lived your life. Gifts are like grooming. Bait. Paying it forward gifts to them to gain favor and points not with YOU but with them. Idk how old your children are now but be watchful. I do not mean to sound dramatic, but these people are hunters. They will never change and they get worse as they age, not better. By best to you.

[@jackiemorris8686]

Hi Petra. Another area where I have experienced an extreme disregard for my boundaries by the narc has been when I tried to set sexual boundaries. Even in their late 50s, they are more sexually aggressive than adolescent boys.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Agreed Jackie!

[@ncchia]

The automatic belongings is crazy. He would go into my phone alot. I was an open book though. I financed our house and he said that was his house because I couldn't afford the payments alone.

[@scottkelly6949]

True! I think you have the right kind of energy to speak about Narcissistic recovery where not many could. 😎

[@Luisa3413]

the very first time my narc sis displayed a narc behaviour (which then I didn´t know it was) was all about a blue trousers belt that my mother had given me and which she wanted for herself. I insisted in my view and I was "punished " for months for that. It was a surprise to me seeing her acting like that. She was my role model.....and I remember thinking "Am I being selfish here? " but at the same time I knew that belt was mine. Now I understand it had nothing to do with the object but it was ALL about me standing up for myself, having an opinion and saying no to her. This, as strange at it may sound to others, was the turning point in our relationship as sisters.

[@Myssy1]

You hit the nail on the head with this one. They totally violate your boundaries. My narc spouse does the stealing thing and I am so glad you mentioned that one because it’s to the point I have to sleep with the door Locked snd I have important things locked up in three different cases just to keep them away from him. My narc parents used my kids against me or my. Love for my kids to hurt me. When I was experiencing something with my daughter I unfortunately thought they had outgrown being a narc and to they tried to gain control over her showed up and the day before court they actually took a full bottle of seizure Meds and put the whole bottle in a cup of tea which had a lot of honey so I couldn’t taste it and actually tried attempting murder just to gain access to my child. They waited till the next day to call for help because God kept me alive and then changed there story from we did it to help her to she told us she wanted to die. No one says hey I’m going now to try to kill myself at 9:08 tonite just thought I’d let u know,,, and then why would they say I said that and then wait till the next day to call for some help . She even told me that st about 2:00 am I woke up and started crying out for help and I remember I could t dial 911. I asked why didn’t you help me then if you heard me Nd the answer was I just thought you were being a “b”. Really ? I have enough information now to charge them and I’m going to have to because I’m afraid somehow they will hurt my child . Deal breaker .

[@creatorsonthecrest]

Ab"soul"lutely brilliant video. All of your content is so great. Loving it!

[@rhondahart8195]

I can relate to every single point you made. Wow!!!!

[@montelo555]

Wherever is yours they consider theirs. Yes, my narcissistic mother does that and does that very cruelly she hides my things, hides my clothes decides what I wear and what I don't wear etc. And more than that, she denies it. She just don't accept it.
Yes she also forces to be responsible for her shits, for her bad deeds. This creates resistance and this doesn't feel bad. I think we need to stop doing it, it's enabling.
Walking on eggshells. Yes. Right. This happens most of the time. My enabler dad does this too. I feel obligated too.
This is very hard, as we all know, yes so hard.
Helpful, very helpful.Thanks.

[@susanbaunsgard2619]

I see my mother in almost every example you listed. Especially trying to put down/devalue the people who are closest to you. My narcissist mother was constantly doing things to undermine my self confidence. I totally felt responsible for her well being. I was her go to person for all of her day to day drama. I would frequently drop everything to rush to her aid. Eventually she wasn’t getting enough supply by my willingness to be her doormat and she decided to step up the game by making negative comments about my husband , my children and my grandchildren. That was the final straw for me. I confronted her and much to my surprise she accused me of doing all the abusive behavior that she had been doing. I never saw it coming. It eventually ended with her doing a big discard. It’s been 6 months and I am in a much better place. She actually did me a favor although it certainly didn’t feel like at the time.

[@sweettartgoodstuff438]

Great video Petra!! I took notes because it was so very informative. I noticed that when one is trying to go No Contact and it seemed as though this was agreed upon...the next thing you know, the narc is hoovering by excessive calling with no response from me. When I ignore the numerous calls, they eventually show up at your door. This has happened before. Entitlement at it's finest! They ring the doorbell excessively like a teenager while also knocking on the door. I chose not to answer. Since it was only 17 degrees outside, I knew they wouldn't last for long. After 12 calls in 3 days, the only message they left was that they needed information from me. We have a 20 year old son together who is currently serving in the USAF stationed in Japan. I am sure if he needed information, he could contact our son directly.
I have been through such cruel acts, triangulation, flying monkeys and the horrific smear campaign where I am ALWAYS the scapegoat. I admit haven't always made the right decisions, but usually it was in reaction to their BS. If I stay NC will they eventually tire out? What makes me concerned is years ago he stated I would always be his. How do I break the pattern bc I want more than ANYTHING to EVOLVE this year so I can reach my highest potential. This person not only does not and will not EVER APPRECIATE ME, but will they EVER LET ME GO? I no longer wish to FEED THE MONSTER! I see everything intellectually although after intense research over 14 months of it...I am just now able to apply it emotionally.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Yes, they love their hoovering don't they. It is all a bag of nasty tricks, anything to suck you back in or at any rate get a quick fix of supply. Just keep on that path of ignoring and responding with silence!

[@dieselkeizer3657]

My spouse would continually blame me for the way they felt. I made them angry, I made them upset it was always my fault and I had the responsibility of cleaning it up so I thought. The guilt trips, blame and manipulation was laid upon me heavy, cruelly , and relentlessly. In fact my spouse even blamed me for situations that were not based on truth at all. This happened especially after I broke part of my spouses control and started talking to their family members. For my ex narc was telling me that I was not allowed to speak to any family members even my own without them knowing who and what I was going to say. They had a list of things that I would be allowed to talk about and a list of things that I was not allowed to talk about. When I had the courage to start talking to family members and other individuals beyond the control of my ex narc, I soon discovered that what my ex narc had been telling me was not even true. It was just another tool to control me. Question my own judgment and to feel guilty and defective. End it worked up until I started getting glimpses of reality. Never in my life had ice so badly question myself my perceptions my inner self judgment and sanity. What a jerk.

[@dieselkeizer3657]

This was very damaging to me all based on my ex narcs selfishness to get what they wanted to elicit sympathy or justification for their own actions be it infidelity, material gain, or justification of their own future abuse. For if I did something that this please them in anyway, punishment was sure to come. I lived in fear of my own life. As I allowed myself to be placed in this hell, my ex narc spouse was sitting back laughing and enjoying pleasures at my own expense.

[@kaitlynmaney3]

Bro all 12 signs for so many of my closest family members, lovers and friends. I really was living in a matrix of abuse until I had seizures that literally rewired my brain and I started yelling at only these narcissistic people and I couldnt understand why!!!.... I just have this feeling the only way I was to wake up was if my body did just that... rewire my brain to set boundaries. I remember my ex friend being mad at me for not seeing her in hospital and I told her that it was because i thought it was family only and that she would do so much better if i came when she was at home with the safety of family and security of pets and her bed because she must of been so traumatised by that near death experience and she ended the friendship without by responding. "No, bye." And blocked me. I couldn't understand what I done wrong and hated myself for an entire year until I went through endless abuse by her mother and her to get her back and even by her grandfather which I now know is where her mother gets her narcissistic traits from. No one told him why the reason it seemed but its okay to abuse a 17 year old on such an empathetic reason. I remember her sending me clothes that were on sale and then not suggesting but TELLING me ill be buying these clothes and that she'll pick me up and despite feeling wtf no I dodged around the question because I knew the consequences of saying no. Shes tried making me a nurse like her because she's decided for a career change and because I had the spiritual calling to do life coaching and stuck to my path, I now understand why she gave me one word answers for months on end until I confronted her with "I have noticed that you have been going out clubbing even though I have asked you many times that I'd love to go as I have held out on going to go with you for the first time... I feel quite upset and hope I have not done anything that may have upset you and would like to work it out." She gave a lot of excuses and her behaviour improved for a few days and then went back to how it was. Me putting in all the effort for the conversation. I remember bringing her up on her response to a nursing question for a co worker insulting her for something she doesn't like her doing. Her response was to yell at the co worker because THE CO WORKER WILL LOOSE HER JOB! I HAD TO tell her that her answer was wrong in the most kindest way possible by saying "Um well actually that's not correct.. if you yell back with more insults you just cause more anger and you both will loose your job... its better to tell her she makes you feel hurt and that this isnt what you mean to project out to her. By being the bigger person only she will get in trouble and you will be in the right." She looked straight at her narcissistic mother who was quiet for two seconds and then said my answer was true very quietly as if she was forcing to agree because she knew i was in the right and she is sooooooo confident normally her mother never agrees with me in this way she normally does what my friend copied down or agrees only if she actually believes in it in that confident way! So my friend said "okay" and wrote it down, and my friend hadn't ever agreed with me before I was stunned that she was so willing and thought to myself "this is weird.... maybe I dont have to be so scared." It was really her agreeing with her mother not because I said it and that it was the right answer..... omg there's too much to say before two days ago me ending the friendship I hadn't realised 😭 then there's her mother and my mother and my sister. I was growing up around narcissistic people.

[@RippleDrop.]

Jeshua got furious when faced with injustice.

[@romanalazalde227]

You are so right!!!

[@lamidom]

"Thanks to you my relationship has ended" Narcissist blaming others, WOW

[@xpmark1]

Nice calm talk.Thanks.

[@nd2705]

All 12 points apply to my relationship unfortunately. God give me the strength to build my power. Thank you Petra.🙏🙏🙏

[@cocotheestylistsandy1334]

I just stumbled upon your channel thank you for this insight unfortunately my mother is the narc and its been 42 years of hell on earth for me. Its my mother and I cant do the no contact but I do limit my contact to very little. Everything you say here has rung true its sad really but there is nothing I can do about it she is a grown woman.

[@chriskalmar4016]

Totally true Petra. When I started to study Arts, my mother became painter. She must show me at any cost that I got talent from her. They are dirty bastards indeed

[@marias7601]

Thanks for your videos
My experience is
It Difficult to set any boundaries..they have discarded you before.. you could set theme up... can't explain how they bo it...... then after discarding for days of month .....Is like nothing happens... and then you trying to set boundaries but it is deleted and then it is forgive and forget... hard to see if you haven't learn about covert Narcasisst..
They delet boundaries and do it on unbelievable way

[@kenritch3941]

They look for your weakness because they know that you are afraid to stand up to them and tell them "No". Stay away from them. It will make it easier for you to say it.

[@gnaastiin2963]

Can you talk about how narcissists use/manipulate people around them to participate in the abuse without their knowing? It’s like they have an army of by-proxies doing their dirty work.

[@nilmisirli9483]

LOVE your videos so much!

[@salmaalzawawi5815]

are thees peaple nuts..
can they be hospitalised and put a way for good ??

[@whiteshadow59]

I think the biggest issue is they take your confidence away

[@romanalazalde227]

I started believing that I wasn't pretty enough and I was lucky to have her

[@foxiefair123]

Wow, thanks for sharing! 😃 This was a very helpful video for me. It's odd that this "phenomenon" has the same characteristics and common effects. This really helps diffuse the gaslighting! This person actually affects my life in the same ways... I feel like I have to choose between myself and them. I can't even function unless I cut this person out, to the point where I can't even do my job, pay my bills, or even maintain my weight and health.

[@wendysuarez787]

Petra, is it possible that these are evil entities manifested into physical forms?

[@dgcheetahlady550]

wow yes u your right everything was about him when I would express my thoughts or opinion it didn't matter he would change the subject.
it was always drama with him if his family,friends didn't go along with his idea omg he would talk about all day,next day if they call he wouldn't answer I would say maybe they had something do if it seem like I was on the friends or family he would shut me down.
You pay price no return calls,texts,e mails until they ready.
it would b days,weeks,months.

[@PeachesCourage]

Thank-you for these because again you are helping me more than years of therapy have not. My and punishments could have been my life . Not that they would outright murder me (both parents) no however if I became ill I wasn't there. I was denied any abilities I might have had often enough and outright called stupid in front of family.

[@AnneWhyte]

I had this experience with a photographer today, the more I was nice to him the more he felt he could push my boundaries even suggesting I should have sex with him for the money he paid for the shoot rather then the model shoot we agreed arranged! Proud to say I made sure I got my cash for the shoot then get him out the door asap.

[@sherryhall6946]

Be real careful. I flip out on what happened to Linda Sobek. Very sad. Please take care.

[@chikaka2012]

Sounds like this friend of hers was beyond narcissistic and just plain ole cray cray (seriously, demonic daughter with demonic dolls?)”

[@princessann9285]

Boundaries? They don't adhere to any of our boundaries, especially infidelity and then of course it's our fault

[@RippleDrop.]

What about someone blaming their kids for being like this?

[@rjmelv]

I can relate to no 4 - My brother told me I was buying the family after I gave them lovely presents for christmas - I had saved up all year so i could do that - I wore that statement for a long time and then realised it was simply not true - wow

[@fabulousbear8543]

I relate to all of them!! Thanks!

[@neeksweeks]

Yes..He would “borrow” my car for a few hours and disappear with it for days forcing me to take public transportation to get to work. Then re-appear and act like nothing happened. If I get angry he would say I’m crazy. By the way. He has TWO cars of his own.

[@user-jp7ig6wk2k]

Is it possible that someone can suffer from both narcissistic personality disorder and Sociopathic Personality disorder?

[@PetraVanDeijl]

J Richardson The sociopath is on the same spectrum as NPD....So you are then dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath.

[@lisamichelle8413]

J absolutely.. it’s all on the same Cluster B personality

[@heatherbattles144]

my ex husband took my things and gave them to his mistress and also threw them away. he also forced me to live with his mistress and when he discarded me, they both drove me to my brothers and left me penniless in the middle of the night.

[@veg]

Avilo?

[@carloloturco1659]

Here's a good one my living narc girlfriend took an online course for interior design and she didn't know how to even measure a ruler so I she forced me to do all of her homework and if I got one little thing wrong she was all over me up the front and down the back and I kept thinking to myself then why are you making me do your work you're incompetent you can't even read a ruler and you want me to lay out rooms and measure rooms and drawer make drawings just they just unbelievable people

[@caitrionadunphy]

You are fantastic!!!

[@rhsb553]

My mother is a Covert Narcissist. She hates my boundaries. I asked her to text me during work hours and call at other times. While she verbally agrees to this, she will call during work hours and then say she "forgot" that I asked! Or somehow, there was a "special circumstance" that caused her to break that boundary.

[@valshelby7307]

Mines would say that your crazy or that your paranoid which wasn't true either

[@kaytay7122]

Yes thats another things she did I wanted to forgive and she keep up with the shame of family not knowing about me and how crappy that feels. Yes they load you up with hatred and wind you all around with confusion.

[@romanalazalde227]

Omg. She would blame me for everything. If she lost her job, it's my fault. If I forgot to remind her to clock out of work, it's my fault. Evetything was my fault. OMG. yes, I would be walking on egg shells. And,she would get mad at me for bothering her at work

[@dapage5]

I would feel like I had to walk on egg shells just so he wouldn’t touch my kids or yell at them. But he would find a way to yell at them or hit them anyway. It was disgusting.

[@pa777billy]

Imagine how much you would have suffered if this ex friend of yours was your mother . Growing up , there
would have been no way to escape from her . In my dreams about her , we were always physically fighting
and I was terrified and it the fight felt heavy & slow as if we were under water and my blows really could not
hurt her and I would wake up with my heart beating fast and my body was wet with perspiration . Only after
being far , far into my adulthood those awful dreams stopped . Peggy

[@mitchrijkaard6757]

Petra probably understands this, but most people that are watching this probably do not; there still truly are authentic people out there that truly do feel the need to speak to you or be with you or have you understand what they are going through. So don't mistake an authentic individual for a narcissistic manipulator.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Mitch Rijkaard I absolutely agree. Don't ever let the narcissist dictate whom you can or can not trust. Trusting starts with you!

[@heatherbattles144]

is saying they don't like it when you color your hair or wear make up a sign of this?

[@jodie2184]

Well said..

[@sabreenadeeba1523]

Do you know much about the adult children (ACA) and the Narcissist. I have a story. How a Narcissist who I was to marry sexually stalked me night and day but always said no. This went on for a year until I broke away. He made me feel like a child, afraid, dirty like I did when men would try to touch me. Something happened to me as a little girl and he brought it all back. I can't remember what happened, don't want to. He reminded me of my father in many ways but he was mean to me always threatening me. Even now he tries to contact me on social media. We belong to the same religious circle (masjid). Even my friend asked why does he start at you all the time. He use to become angry and rage at me about nothing.

[@lamidom]

Just stop talking around with men, whh would you?

[@Positivemotivation662]

Been here.. divorce under whey

[@luctuosaluctuosa5360]

Guilt is my faivorite feeling (narcissistic mother :( )

[@KamikazeKoscki]

They have to take responsibility for their actions and step up and take action in the right direction, their like 5 year olds, so you have to be assertive and do the steps for them just to get them away from you. Sucks but that is how you immediately deal with these snakes, manipulators, liars and abusive behavior's. Number one don't get involved in the first place. Hell to pay is right, peace of mind is more important.

[@noomiblumquist2450]

I feel like the narc

[@judevucovich7068]

How do you address these points with a covert narcissists? He quietly with out words has taken me down to the point I feel what your saying about a narcissist person is me. I was raised by a narcissistic mother with no dad, a older sister is a narcissistic person, I had to learn to be a co-dependent growing up. I was shy and quiet. Abandon from family, and friends, I met this man who never allowed me to leave but treated the relationship with such disrespect like a narcissistic person does. To afraid to leave and I’ve tried. Now after 42 yrs and children, I feel I have turned into a narcissistic personality... how do I know if I have, I don’t want to be that kind of person... This man robs me of being me right down to every word I speak, everything I do... So I don’t do anything anymore.. I don’t dreams, I have no hope. I just keep gaining weight. But he never says anything, he never talks about the problems in the relationship. He just settles for what ever happens no matter what it is. He never leaves. What do I do. He even did my career and shoved me out of doing it. And if I start something new he takes it over. Please I need help, guidance.

[@precious72021]

12 out off 12

[@daniellesunshine4389]

👍🏽

[@noomiblumquist2450]

Your friend sounds crazy as a loon. I've been around people like that my whole life. I hope I'm not a monster too.

[@PetraVanDeijl]

She's a nasty kind of crazy, yes.

[@salmaalzawawi5815]

I wish you discuss how a narc..
Up grad himself to a crime Al..

[@DarkRainReaper]

hi petra..my ex left me 5 months ago. not sure if she is a narcissist or just really selfish and stubborn..so how would you he able to tell.cuz I know they both have same traits..can you help with that please

[@PetraVanDeijl]

Eric Wallace When you notice a steady behaviour pattern.
See my other video's for clarity.
"Knowing your emotional abuser"
"5 traits of a covert narcissist" and "dating a covert narcissist woman"