The Difference Between Nice and “Nice” - w/ Regan from the "F the Nice Guy" podcast
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- čas přidán 20. 06. 2023
- I only recently connected with Regan online, but quickly fell in love with her content. Regan’s a writer, actor, content creator, and “nice guy” nay-sayer. While she got her following making mom friendly content, a bad experience with a “nice guy” inspired her to create the F the Nice Guy podcast. Now she gets to do what she loves, sharing stories, laughing at a toxic man’s expense, and shredding the “nice guy” because… F the “nice guy”!
Please note, Bad Advice Wednesdays contains mature themes and may not be appropriate for all listeners.
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Recently cut ties with a new-ish friend who after setting very clear boundaries that we were NOT dating months prior violated those boundaries and then got angry and accusatory when I called him on it.
What I mean by "violating" those boundaries: he asked me if it bothered me that while he'd been separated for 15 years with no contact that he was still married. I responded that it was his life, his private matter and it wasn't like we were dating. Half under his breath, he said "yes we are."
When I told him it was disrespectful and that a dating relationship needs to be mutually agreed upon, he first told me he was just joking and trying to make me laugh. To which I asked "why would you think something that would upset me would be funny?"
Then he asked why it should matter if he thought we we dating. Then he said it was bullshit for me to call it disrespectful. Then he accused me not wanting to be happy.
Reader, this is a neighbor who I saw a couple times a week to have a meal with or go shopping with or take a walk. There was zero physical contact on purpose by my choice. We hadn't as much as hugged or held hands. I ignored or shut down any double entendres or sexual innuendos.
We had very little in common and I'd made it clear many times that we were just friends.
Despite him being a "nice guy" in many ways, he turned really nasty. So I told him it was best we went our separate ways. Have only seen him once since (from the back, so he didnt see me) and have not heard from him, thank goodness.
I'm done putting up with abuse from anyone. It's taken me 60 years to learn that lesson. I hope your generation does better!
Guys are still doing this kind of thing at 60? Lol
@@PatrickODowd702 - yup. But he's closer to 70. Sad, huh?
I am a huge fan of blocking as I look at social media as my living room and I get to decide who is invited in.
A man immediately attacking a woman's looks does show what he values but its also indicates his absolute certainty that our looks, and whether they attract a man, are the most important things to all women in every situation.
Long post about self reflection.
When I was a teen I fell into that I'm a nice guy, why won't girls like me. Even being a feminist and not wanting to be that kind of guy, I was so socially awkward and immature that I regret the attitude. I was never mean or violent but I know I came off as a creep at least a few times. But when I became aware of this more and had more friends that were girls I decided to work on myself rather than blame women. I chose to grow up. I quickly got into the mentality of we're all just individuals and stop trying to force gender stereotypes.
When I got to my 30s and single again (a lot of failed relationships) I knew something was still off. I spent 2 years single by choice and just reviewing my life and past relationships. I had been in some with a few very toxic women, but I also was able to admit when I was the problem with others and the reason it fell apart. It really sucks to admit how you acted was bad but I found it freeing. I even contacted several of them and apologized with specifics (one was ten years after breaking up) they seemed to really appreciate it. Also spent time thinking about what I really wanted in a relationship and if I could offer that same standard.
I then met someone through a friend and five years later it's been the happiest I've ever been. I know for a fact if I hadn't worked on myself and spent that time being brutally honest with how I acted. I know this relationship wouldn't of worked.
So many refuse to admit fault or work on themselves but it is in my opinion the best way to get yourself into a happier life.
When people realize that having a low bar and making stupid excuses for cismen is actually an insult to cismen. You prove why I continue to hold cismen to a high standard. You all have the capacity to be an emotionally grounded, compassionate, self-confident (not self-important) human being. Not perfect, but one who learns from his mistakes, takes accountability and continues to cultivate a growth mindset. Kudos to you and may you continue to develop greater intimacy with yourself.
Thank you for sharing your journey! Admitting when you are in the wrong can be one of the hardest things to do but it is so important!
Thank you both :) even now I try to self reflect.
Good for you! You’ve been on quite the journey and look at how it turned out for you. I’m so happy you took the time to do your self reflecting and mature. You’re much happier and you’re in a great relationship. Awesome!
@HG.... Please do! Hearing these journeys is so fulfilling. I'm so happy for everyone who turned their lives around.
I myself was raised with so many people telling me that I wasn't like other girls. That I was special. That other girls were all shallow and stupid while I was so cool, chill, and approachable. It's such a difficult mindset to break from because it's self-actualizing. I would change how I behaved to fit this mold I was praised for. I would treat my fellow women like they were inferior which incited backlash and insult.... and that only affirmed in my mind that all those people whispering in my ears were correct all along. That women are all petty, jealous, and mean spirited. All hollow inside. Like NPCs that I shouldn't take too seriously. That I was better than them. It's cyclical and awful. Rotted my spirit from the inside out.
It was really only when I got to the point of loneliness and self-isolation that I couldn't stand it any more... when I found out that all my "friends" were guys who had a bet pool going for who could get into my pants first.. that I made the effort to understand how I got to that point.
It's crappy that I went through all that. But, I played into it. I played myself. I made choices and those were the resulting consequences. You make more friends being kind and generous than you do being self-centered to the core.
I'm doing much better now. Happily married. Held onto a couple close friends for nearly a decade. Currently repairing a friendship I had ruined in that period of my life. Self-reflection is a powerful thing.
My husband is an actually nice guy. However, he was willing to introspect when I challenged him along the way. He realized he was raised in a toxic religious environment that made him have all kinds of bad connections (mental). He is an amazing person and I wouldn't have anyone else as my partner. Some guys are just drowning and need introduced to a new way of thinking or be made to face how toxic his thoughts really are. That is not to say guys are "FIXABLE" and that you should ignore horrible attitudes/behavior with the mindset that you can change him or that he just hasn't met you yet. We dealt w/it as it came up in our marriage. He didn't display those thought while dating/engaged.*it took life's extreme pressures for him to start.* Wish it was more cut and dry but it's all complicated. Thanks for the always amazing content!
I'm curious as to why you think he didn't display those thoughts while dating/engaged, only after marriage - do you think that shows he was aware, at least at some level, that those things were not ok, but knew you wouldn't continue a relationship if he showed you how he really thought?
The CZcams algorithm on the far right expressway is wild. I went to Texas and all my recommends shifted so far right it was bewildering. It’s not like I changed my viewing habits just my location. Getting it back to dogs, music and language lessons took forever tho, almost like they push that drivel.
So true! I also noted a huge impact of location on the recommendations. Ngl, I kinda found it amusing. But having to "fight" to get back to my well curated safe space is a hassle.
@@Spatzenzunge thanks for validating my experience, good to know that wasn’t just in my head. It was so confusing. Like I went to the beach and doing so didn’t change my entire outlook on life and human society. I REALLY don’t need Ben Sharpiro videos.
Wow. That's horrible!!!
Talking about "nice guys". When I was working (I'm retired), I worked across a busy highway from where I caught the bus. I had a system for crossing. I would cross halfway, stand on the median, and wait for the light to change, and then cross the second half of the street. One night, on my way home, I was standing on the median when this "nice guy" that I had never met before, stops his truck and says, get in, I'll give you a ride.
I, of course, said politely, no thanks.
He insisted. I told him he was in my way and could you please move so I could cross the street. His response? Well! You don't have to be so fucking miserable, and peeled out.
Totally relate, as the vast majority of women do! The thing that frustrates me is that the vat majority of men don't even seem to know this is happening - how can they not see it? Don't their sisters, mothers, women friends, girlfriends and wives tell them about it?
@@rachelsnee8926 they probably do, they just choose not to believe them.
Just ick
"Big Shampoo, Big Soap." 😂 I lost it!!
You're literally what all men should be. Kind, supportive, speaks up when something is wrong, intelligent and an engaged father.
Him and Public Offender should do one episode together. He is right there with Professor!
Ngl when a person is deliberately staying in ignorance, to defend their hate of trans and other lgbt+ people, I start to feel pretty petty as well..
And frankly a needlessly hateful person IS UGLY
Bigotry deserves no quarter
That's because they are lying. People "deliberately staying in ignorance" know better. They are just pretending they don't. It's not surprising that it would raise the hackles of anyone with some shred of integrity.
❤
Edit: I just realized this might come across like I think you only have a miniscule amount of integrity, that's not how I mean it. That shred is just the minimum required ;)
IMO the only time its remotely acceptable to insult peoples appearances are when it's someone whose entire thing is judging people based on appearance, but even then you should be careful because when you call a trait a bad trait then you're basically insulting all people with that trait, in general it's better to argue their points than their appearance, but the kind of people who make judging people's appearance their whole thing (and their audiences) tend to only really respond to their own logic being used back on them unfortunately.
You should say "what's up fellow kids?" To start your podcast
ahah that would be funny xD
I genuinely love that 😂
@@TheRealSpeechProf it would make me laugh so hard and also i would love it in general if you started the next podcast with that 😂
@@TheRealSpeechProfplease let's do that! As a young adult, that's what I need to hear
Sounds like what "What is Politics?" says
"I have Jordan Peterson all over my shorts"
Me picturing the most hideous, garish neon coloured beach shorts ever with Jordan Peterson heads all over them
I thought my boss of about 20 years was a nice guy but now I am being harassed by him and I swear if I made it public no one would believe me. I won’t sleep with him and now he is retaliating.
I believe it!!! It's happened to me!!
That's so depressingly common! I had that happen to me as a young woman, and I didn't find out until 4 years after I left the company that he'd done it to literally every woman in all the offices! If you have an HR department or union I urge you to talk to them - they should believe you, and it's very likely it's not just you he's treating like this, but if all the victims assume they will not be believed and don't come forward, he will never stop...
Start keeping a record of each encounter of harassment (date, time and details), no matter how seemingly insignificant. If you need to use it, you can produce this timeline to show how it has escalated. I do hope you don’t have to use it to resolve the situation, but the exercise alone gives you some power back in that you are doing something towards standing up to this behaviour. Best of luck! ❤
Years ago I ignored flirting from my then supervisor's boss. And he retaliated for years. They had no dirt so they couldn't fire me. But the financial impact was immeasurable. I was young and oblivious in many ways. I am much more aware now.
@@sharndawg007This is fantastic advice. Maybe it will never be needed or useful - I hope that’s the case.
But if one ever needs it, it is invaluable. As my attorney friend is always reminding us, “Those with the best documentation wins.” Set them up to have to deny or defend a pattern of documented events and exchanges.
17:50 spot on, they genuinely do not feel concern for women that men use or abuse when the man is being held accountable- there’s only room for concern for his feeling in the Moment of accountability where he’s Clearly suffering…. Bonus points if they have children so we can blame her for subjecting kids to a broken home because she wouldn’t endure abuse or cheating or both while her husband’s behavior runs its course “for the children” her JOB is to suffer for both him and them and they get very flabbergasted if you ask wasn’t it his job not to stray or abuse their mother for their sake as well?
Thiiiiiiissss💯‼️🎯
Watch “Promising Young Woman.” Scary and amazing treatment of ‘the nice guy.’
I would like to rant about a situation that happened 1 hour ago:
I repeated again and again to a random man who could not understand no, that "I have a boyfriend and just want to be left alone". He followed me around and I finally fleed into a bar, to loose him. My evening felt pretty ruined and I just want to scream and I feel that here is a safe place to rent so: "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!" 🤬
You don't need to repeat yourself or make excuses. Just say no or no, thanks, then leave. If you are followed, go into a public place. If he follows you there, stand tall, look at him and say very loudly si lots of people hear you, STOP FOLLOWING ME. LEAVE NOW OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE.
mentioning watchin a single one of their vids catapults you into the alt right pipeline on YT is so uncomfortably real
dozens of times now. i get peeved by a transphoic post and reply and 4 minutes later my entire TL is Rogan, peterson, shappiro, etc
fuckin hate that part of the algorithm
Agreed, that's why I won't scroll though the shorts, I select them one at a time. Whenever I scroll I start out in LGBTQ support videos and end up in transphobic territory.
@@Brynnthebookworm my brain has a compulsion for the shorts roulette of hel.... i hate it here xD
"Nice Girls" definetely exist, they're just not as common and less prone to devolve to pointed threats.... there used to be a whole subreddit dedicated to it, no idea if it's been shut down at this point.
But it's not okay regardless of who does it. But "nice girls" on average don't go to nearly as low points.
I don't dress to impress. I dress to intimidate. It works because most men are intimidated by strong women.
What do you wear?
Pfff. You cant beat up the weakest man, trust me.
The fact the you notice how insidious they are the older you get is why they prey on the young 😬
Bad advice re toe rings: the tighter the better. If your toes go blue, perfect. (Side effects may include infection & toe loss).
The toe ring photo question: With or without hair? Asking for a friend 😂
Toe toupee for sure 😄
Yus, go for the toe-pée (and make sure the accent is there when you do, otherwise it will likely cause some... awkwardness)
Lol. The bad advice thing can be so hard when it goes against everything you believe, but it that struggle can make it funny too. I'm loving having longer content from you too.
Just wanted to say though, the concern over being taken/used out of context in the future is understandable, so perhaps you could watermark your "bad advice" vids?
I ghosted a former friend back in 2006. This was before I was aware of the term, “ghosting.”
I did it because she was always inviting me to go places with her and if I did not want to go, she would guilt me into going anyway. Whenever I invited her to do something, she would accept the invitation and then back out at the last minute, usually using her teenage daughter as an excuse. She also never returned my phone calls. She would only call me when she wanted something from me.
The last straw, when I realized that she was not interested in being my friend, was when I invited her to my Birthday/Housewarming/Christmas party in 2006 which was to be held on December 2nd. She told me that she was so excited about it until the day before, when she called me. She told me that she could not go to the party because she had to go Christmas shopping with her daughter and that was the only day they could do it.
I told her I did not understand, the party was set for the evening. She told me she would be shopping in the afternoon and would not be able,to make it to the party in time, and she did not want to disrespect me by arriving late.
I could not understand this logic. What party has everyone arriving at the exact same time, when the party is set to start? I told her it didn’t matter, it was to be a party. When she gets there she gets there. There will be a lot of people coming later than the official start of the party…she did not come. I knew this woman since childhood. She had all of the information to know how,important this was to me. So, I ghosted her.
A year later we were at church the weekend before Thanksgiving. A mutual friend of ours’ father was the pastor at this church. This former friend, her mentally ill older sister, and even keeled mom made a huge dramatic situation about us both being at church at the same time. I was unaware of this drama occurring. The pastor’s daughter approached me and asked me if I was creating drama in her daddy’s church. I said, “no, I am just sitting here.” So, the pastor’s daughter forced a confrontation to get that shit to stop. My former friend, her sister, and her mom, came up to me and the former friend asked why I stopped calling her.
I told her, “you always cancelled plans regarding my invitations to you at the last minute. You would never return my calls, only calling me when you needed something, when I said I did not want to accompany you somewhere you always guilted me into going anyway, and when I made it very clear how important that party I had last year on December 2nd was to me, you told me you could not come because you and your daughter had to go Christmas shopping. When I told you it didn’t matter what time you arrived, you told me you did not want to disrespect me by showing up late. So, I realized you were not interested in being my friend and, as such, saw no need to return your call. Since you never returned my calls, I just assumed that is how,you wanted to be treated.”
That deflated the drama.
Sounds like she did return your calls, she just didn’t want to go out places.
If that’s the case: she could have communicated better (she should have just said she didn’t want to, instead of agreeing then cancelling), but you took it personally that she didn’t want to go do things, even though she wasn’t being rude.
You were childish and spiteful.
From your post, I doubt you’ll be able to turn things around and look at it that way. But there it is, in case the opposing viewpoint is helpful.
@@faiora no, she did not return any calls.
Calling someone only when you want something is NOT “returning” a call simply because that person you are calling to get something from called you sometime previously.
Not spiteful, just done.
From your reply, I suspect you will not be able to see it that way, but that is none of my concern.
(And she DID want to go out places. We went a lot of places together, many of which I really did not want to go, told her so, and she talked me into it anyway. She accepted all of my invitations to go places and then cancelled at the last minute every single time…I said this all in my comment.
There is no villain in this story. There is just someone who did not know how or not care to be a friend, and someone who finally realized that and dropped it.)
@@katherinemcintosh7247- I hear ya. It sounds eerily similar to where I am with my neighbour who I thought was my friend. What sealed it for me was when I realised that after I stayed away from her for a while, I felt lighter and actually got some sleep. I didn't realise how much I was mulling over anytime I had an interaction with her. I'm also middle aged and once you get to that place, you become very aware how precious time really is. I'd rather be alone than spend one more moment of my time around people who don't either (a) leave me the same way they found me, or (b) leave me better than they found me. I can drag my own self down into the pits of despair. I don't need to listen to someone else's woes when they're not returning that same energy back.
I've met guys who put dates or specific codewords on contacts to "categorize" or sort the women they've talked with. I heard about one who keep Notes App lists lf women and how far he got with them. My mom's ex had a notebook with the names of celebrities, porn- and OF-stars in which he had noted which bodily landmark he found most attractive, like a Pokedex for misogynists.
I personally keep a list of all of my past addresses, jobs and employer contacts in Google Drive to make applications easier. I have successfully put "see attachments for additional information" and refused to enter any more data than the auto-fill from resume was able to capture. I have no doubt that there are men who keep detailed archives of names, numbers, addresses, ratings, stages and other stuff to catalogue women.
I met someone like this. Thought things were going well, stayed the night. In the morning she whipped out a notebook and wrote down the nights activities in detail. Had a record of every sexual act she had and graded them out of 10. It was revolting.
"chesko, it's just a jest yo"
Yay! Thanks for the video of the podcast! It makes a huge difference for me and I love it!
I love seeing you have so much fun giving bad advice
You both brought it with so much conviction! Thank you for making me laugh out loud 😆
I'm on a dating app these days, and I really appreciate when a guy's profile says something like "positivity only please. No Debbie Downers" (actual quote!)
I know right away to swipe LEFT. It saves me so much time!😂
I think the confusion comes from the fact this behavior is usually aimed down the power dynamic at a safe lower status target. That can be a whole marginalized group or just those you specifically hold power over like employees, children, patients, people who struggle with self-esteem and the need for validation, people who've had terrible models for relationships or people who look up to you as a role model.
White cishet men can definitely end up in that second category, in fact the young men who get red pilled often have encountered a woman like this who did have power over them. The mistake is where they project that onto women who not only won't abuse that power but don't have it in the first place. Because they dont know how to form healthy relationships they think either you're under the boot or you're wearing the boot and any woman who won't get under the boot is a threat to any man foolish enough to trust her. Unfortunately lots of women have been through the same thing and come away with the same antagonistic concept of close relationships. And some of them become "nice girls".
The nice girl is the woman who is "such an empath" and knows how you should live your life despite not listening to your problems, which are clearly due to your bad attitude or choices. Your support must be instant, unconditional, and limitless no matter what you're going through. Any attempt to set boundaries or make time for yourself is seen as a personal affront. Meanwhile whenever you ask for help she has an excuse and if she does help she'll never let you forget it. Note, finding where the healthy boundary is can be tricky especially if you grew up with different social rules. You may fight and get hurt and complain about each other and not talk for days or years, but if you are important to each other then you'll eventually come back and work it out. A nice girl will expect you to mend the rift singlehanded and then graciously forgive you. She probably says a lot of casually bigoted shit and when called on it acts like she's been shot. Anyone whose minority group has lower status than her saw her coming a mile off and tried to warn you.
The less skilled nice girls are eventually dropped by their social groups as people get sick of the drama. The better ones who wield guilt and shame like a knife become matriarchs who leave a legacy of trauma.
Well formed and well said.
Quite accurate. Thank you ❤
Holy shit THIS so much this. It's about power for them, and power (and the drive for it) can corrupt, regardless of gender, if someone feels like they're entitled to having that power over someone
Lots of 'nice guys' that hang around near 12 step meetings. The coffee shops around the meetings are some of their favorite hunting grounds. It's insidious.
Loved this, thank you both ❤️
I have one friend who has basically used me as her unpaid therapist for 20+ years. When she's feeling good about herself (almost always when she has a bf treating her well), she ghosts me for months at a time. But when she needs her therapy sessions, she expects me to be on the phone with her for 4+ hours each week. Getting her back from straight up sobbing on the phone. She occasionally loses her temper and yells at me for being "selfish" when I expect her to listen to me for even 2 minutes. She constantly uses her ADD as an excuse for why she zones out when I ask her to listen, or even when I'm trying to just comment on her therapy sessions.
For my own sanity, I have to ghost her, at times. Because, if I text her back, at any point, she WILL call me within minutes, expecting a multi-hour therapy session. And I just can't handle having to give so, so much time to her, when she refuses to give me any effort, in return, and dares call me selfish for "making" her listen to me making short comments about her entire life story. Not even talking ABOUT myself, or my own life.
She is SUCH a bad friend. I've tried talking to her about how I require some give along with the take, over the years, but it never sticks, for long. And she's been using her ADD diagnosis as an excuse for so long that she's become so, so much worse, over the years.
So, yup. I ghost her. I have no other ideas, besides going NC. I have my own 💩 going on. Life has been ROUGH, the past few years. And most of her problems are legit caused - or at least exacerbated - by her own choices.
I wish her the best, truly. I love her. I always will. But, I need to do it from afar.
She sounds horrible, hope you stay away from her unless she gives you a genuine apology and commits to being a good person.
Yeah, she definitely doesn't respect you, as a friend or even just a person. Unfortunately, seeing as it's highly unlikely you'll ever get a sincere apology from her regarding her poor treatment of you, or even acknowledgement of that treatment, going no-contact is your best (if not only) course of action. Mourn the loss of the good times you had with her, but don't mourn the loss of her as a friend. It doesn't sound like she ever was one to begin with.
I have been doing this the last couple of years. Been making new friends to fill the holes left by leaving those friendships, but I'm also getting better at recognizing when new friendships aren't good for me and cutting them loose. And not feeling as guilty about it as I used to.
So good on you! If you need to go NC, DON'T feel bad about it. Or send her an invoice next time you act as her therapist. 😂 That will probably guarantee that she won't contact you again!
My sister pretty much.
The biggest red flag in my experience with "nice guys" is if they literally say, "I'm a nice guy." If a guy tells you that he's a nice guy, fun away fast.
To me, this sounds like an insane standard. What if I actually am nice? Do I have to be a mean person instead? Or if I’m nice, am I not allowed to talk about it or know that I’m nice?
Great improv, you guys! Just discovering the show and here's a belated standing ovation.
Yaaaaaaaaaaay🎉🎉🎉🎉 I'm so excited. Ep 2 les gooooooooo
The guys commenting on looks is so true. When a woman posts a video, and she has a large male audience you see a ton of comments saying, “OH YOU’’RE SO BEAUTIFUL SO-AND-SO” or “I just want you to know so-and-so, you just look so beautiful today”, and it’s a video that has nothing to do with looks and the woman who posted the video never covers beauty tips in any way. Yet many of the men watching think it is super important to say that. I get that they’re trying to be supportive but really they’re just saying that they feel a woman’s sense of self worth should revolve entirely around how pretty she is, and there they are valiantly propping up her self-worth by letting her know she is beautiful and therefore maybe her opinions are valid, but only because they already agree with her.
I would much rather have someone intellectually disagree with me rather than have someone compliment my looks when I am in the middle of expressing my thoughts.
I sympathize with this sentiment, but I think you may underestimate just how transfixed a man is wired to be by a woman’s beauty. Sometimes it’s hard to think about anything else.
Nice is different than being good, it is clear that speech prof is a good guy, you can tell by the way he talk about his family, and even the way he relates to people online. I think women can also be fake with nasty personalities underneath, but it is different, because they don't expect to be worshipped for not being literally abusive or 🍇ing people.
Women who support this have internalized misogyny.
no women are much worse honestly
I think that women who are abusive like this may be worse. For several reasons, first, they know that all they have to do is start throwing accusations, and there is nothing the man can do. They have a whole new level of power over the guy. Second, is that there is a lot of information out there in the world to help women navigate these situations and get out of them, there are none for men who are in an abusive relationship. Back in the mid-80s, I was a total gym rat (I am a female by the way, so for me being in the weight room all the time was quite different) I worked out every day and sometimes twice a day. I was mentioning one of my workout classes to a coworker who immediately asked me who the instructor was. When I answered, he told me that she routinely beat her boyfriend to within inches of his life and regularly sent him to the hospital in an ambulance. Turns out the entire town knew about this and nobody would lift a finger to help the man. The police would laugh at him for getting beat up by a "girl". This woman was a world champion in some form of martial arts and could easily take down a man much bigger than her without even thinking about it. I realize how long ago that was, but not that much has changed. When I walk out onto a basketball court and mop the floor with all the men's asses, their response is they won't ever let me play again, because they don't like getting their asses kicked by a girl. The observer's response is to give them shit for not being able to beat a girl at basketball. It is the same response the police gave way back then. Thirdly, because men have been raised with this sense of responsibility to take care of the woman at all costs which is just as toxic to them as it is to us, they don't realize they are being abused, and they don't internalize that they are not doing enough for the woman. Yet, she is putting insane demands on them.
We need to change this idea that anyone is responsible for anyone else's feelings and reactions. I am the only one that can choose to make myself happy. There is no way I will ever make someone else happy all the time. Sure, once in a while, but not all the time. But if too people come together already having healthy happiness within them, then they will have a super strong respectful relationship that will also be fun too.
@@RiverWoods111I agree actually sometimes it's harder for me to trust the women that are like this because they have this not like the other girls mentality in the beginning and they make it seem like the majority of women are out there robbing men, having sex, and doing drugs. This is so not true hookers act this way not women.
Into the woods, the movies not the stage show, as well as a few other things (i recommend the cinema therapy episode on megamind) helping me realize that. That might sound silly, but it was one of those random different perspectives that can give you an epiphany sometimes. I hope that makes sense.
Wait....gr...graping people? Is that a thing? 😂😂😂 help, English is my second language 😂😂😂
As an AuDHD whose mind interprets everything so literally. OMG! I kept telling myself this was for fun and funny. This is intentionally wrong advice! OMG! My literal brain really struggled with it! Just so you know I am the first person to see how funny the literal interpretation of everything is!
Im excited. The last one was so funny.
I want a collab with One topic at the time
heck yeah!!
Yes! That would be amazing!
Oh my god someone tell OT about this. It seems like just his thing.
I still feel pressure to signal to the world that I’m different when I hear about how manipulative some guys are, but then I realize that I’m just putting myself in yet another box where I’m viewed as even more manipulative. It’s kind of stifling and frustrating. But I also understand why women are so suspicious of men. But at the same time, I’ve been accused of manipulative behaviour, either directly or indirectly, when I was being completely upfront and honest. And that happens A LOT. It seems like the only really option for truly non-manipulative guys is to lay EVERYTHING out on the table without holding back, allowing your weakness and your weirdness to be completely exposed, which is hard but possible and actually very satisfying.
Not sure why or how I got recommended this by youtube, but I cried laughing so thank you both lol
26: 45 I was thinking the exact same thing Chesko 😂
CN: violence and abuse
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One of the "nice guys" in my life...
Threw a chair on me cause he was angry at a jock teasing him (mind you, that was rude, but nothing justifies throwing a chair at someone) then yelled at me and blamed me for being in the chair's trajectory and justified it by saying "he just had to not piss me off". Instead of apologizing till he's blue in the face and die of embarassment, he constantly dismissed it, along with every bad treatment he ever threw my way and expressed his frustration about how often our friend group would bring that incident up.
And in all irony, he kept complaining about that one girl dating someone else from our friend group and not dating him, all the while treating everyone else like garbage and taking all his friends for granted then complaining when they left.
I just magically disappeared from his life and I'm happier for it 😅
"No capes!" 😂
This is hilarious, folks. Thanks!
"What up, people" works... for you.
Addendum;
*What up people? Welcome to "Bad Advice Wednesdays" where I and my fellow ChessMate give you truth and satire. I don't have ears but you do so listen up.*
This might be too good for bad advice wednesdays.
The first video I saw was the short about his ears, this is hilarious!
There ARE "Nice Girls TM" just like there are "Nice Guys TM" They're just a little different. They basically treat men the same way a nice guy treats a woman. So if it's a woman dating a woman, it might not be the same. but it's that entitlement. It's basically someone or anyone who feel entitled to someone because they nice to them and then get butt hurt when they don't get their way. For Nice girls it's not always sex or romantic relationship, but can be. It's usually their time and attention.
Back in the '70's, we called them "SNAGS". Sensitive New Age Guys.
They often wore feathers.
Christine Lavin has a song about them and everything.
This was the best advice EVER! I can't wait to toss my toe rings and stop showering, baby. Imma be super popular. 😏😆
Seriously, though, this was hilarious! Thanks for making our day lighter.
A really good bad advice for the person asking if they can be in love with two separate men: People only believe that you truly love them when they are the ONLY person in your life that you show any affection. They don't want you to be close with your family. Your friends. Anybody else that you admire and respect. Get rid of all of them. If you're not willing to do that for any spouse you choose, do you even actually love them? They should be the only person you need. If you care about anyone else, you're being greedy and selfish.
14:43 YT funnels you into the alt-right pipeline even when you're actively trying to avoid it lol.
29:17 My showtunes are currently the music from the musical episode of Star Trek Strange New Worlds.
Gotta ask... the guy that didn't contact her for 2 days, did she reach out to him during those 2 days, or was he testing her interest and too embarrassed to admit it?
The "nice guy" mentality comes from the same place that the "you're so lucky" comment comes from! When a women's husband or boyfriend does cares for his own children or cleans around his own home and someone remarks "your so lucky" simply because this is the case is so misogynistic. Just as if someone were to remark "you're so lucky" because a wife or girlfriend hangs with the boys or likes to do things that is something more in her S.O.s friends idea of what is "traditional!
Omg now I’ve got 76 Trombones stuck in my head 😂
to quote the holy text M'Lady, a Meninist Musical- "A nice guy who is *not nice* is just another guy"
It's Chesko, with pesto who always wants to be your besto! 😊❤😊
I think potentially women can be just as susceptible to “nice guy”-itis. In that women, too, can navigate personal boundaries in any phase of the dating process but because they view themselves as well as their intentions as “generous” or “nice” in their desperate attempt to receive acceptance and or reciprocity from the other party, they cannot conceive a universe where their generosity or kindness or uniqueness or “I’m different” can be viewed as unwelcome or offensive. The other party is being “petty” or “overly sensitive” whenever attempts are made to communicate these valid feelings of discomfort.
I think men in our society are largely seen as the “go-getters” or “dominant” force in dating relationships and their views of their role in any relationship-whether it is dating or professional- must ultimately be viewed as “on top” or “superior” and when their spin on this dynamic includes being the nice guy (whether these gestures are implicitly welcomed or not) can turn toxic when rebuked. I can do no wrong because I am SO NICE when I COULD BE a chauvinist pig and I deserve recognition for this.
But ultimately women may fall victim to this mindset too under the wrong circumstances.
What you need is some music from a youtube creator and then some kind lf anouncer voice saying "it's baaaaaad advice Wednesdays"
I love how Regan's nice guy story is a 'nice guy' with a side of virtue signaling, sounds about right. goodness.
I get alt right stuff shoved in my timeline after watching a bunch of your videos. It's like dude no... wrong take on that. XD
Me, a they, when people include “they’s” in their intros: 🥳🥳🥳
I don't think the majority of women wear makeup to please themselves, so much as they've been programmed by society (and the beauty industry) they need to wear makeup to "be presentable". There's those that think it's a manipulation and then others who tell you "you'd look so much better if you wore some makeup". I think women should ask themselves why they are really wearing (or not wearing for that matter) makeup, for themselves or others.
Huh? I wear makeup as an meditative art form that I enjoy doing and wearing. As a kid I couldn’t wait to play with the colors. Why do you think men are wearing nail polish because of societal pressure? 😂
@@elsagrace3893 makeup and nail polish are two different things. Nail polish doesn't change the way you look. Makeup can and does change a person's look drastically. There are two CZcamsrs I love to follow because of their creative use of makeup, so I can see it being meditative.
@@elsagrace3893went back to double check so I get the names correct for those two CZcamsrs: Fredric Chen and Cindy Chen Designs. Both are fantastic, not related.
@@silverghostcat1924 I love them both! They both do very aesthetic makeup looks and are so satisfying to watch!
@@rachelppython yes they are! I'm constantly amazed at their level of artistry and talent.
Im trying hard ok, but you're making that "listing all the people you sleep with" idea sound way too compelling.
If you want to have a really generic intro, you'd need "it's your boy"
Came to watch the video, got an ad that was blatantly transphobic. Wtg.
Since you're the Prof you maybe should start/greet with "dearest students" or sth.
😅
😂😂😂
The mic in front of her face 🥲 a bit annoying visually... love the topic & podcast though!
I've never seen Regan before, and I'm really struggling to stay engaged when half or more of her face is hidden behind the mic...
youtube algorythim does out right wingers first in shorts and it is annoying asf
Oh, gosh ¿My fatal destiny on dates is finally getting me somewhere? 😂
I don't know what its on me, but I didn't attract one, but TWO "Nice guy women" (proven, I have had two other alleged ones on my disastrous dating list, but i ghost them faster than casper.... Someone send help, yep maybe I'm the problem).
Not surprisedly for no one, both were this specific kind of masc lesbian that just loathe on woman and over prise men. Like an incel, but with boobs, and they were mad because they make me a couple of small favors and then i didn't go to sleep with them.
Chesko, it's just a joke bro
Wow, this guy isn’t like all the nice guys, he’s different…….
No, no, date multiple guys, but make sure they all have the same name. Just in case. Yeah.
Best advice for dating 2 great guys at the same time: make sure they don't know about each other.
You don't want to spoil the atmosphere. Keep it to yourself. Encourage them to keep different strokes, on the opposite sides of town. Get a "job" that let's you "travel". Don't use social media. Honestly, use a fake [name]. Not just for one, for both of them! The best way to keep great guys is to never let them see the real you.
In other words, be honest. If you're already in a relationship, step up immediately and say, "hey, I met a really cool guy and I want you to meet him. I'm still trying to figure out what's going on myself, but when I think about my future and who I see myself with, I see both of you there in my life. We haven't had an affair, but these feelings have been growing, at least for me. I haven't talked to him about it yet because I think it's a conversation we should all have together."
Or if you're all newly chatting from an app or something and you've met up with them a few times each. Send them both a message like, "I've really enjoyed getting to know you and would like to start something more serious. While I was on [insert app name], I met a few other people, and one guy was pretty incredible when we hung out in person. I'm not going trying to pressure you or make you feel competitive, but I'm gonna make a group chat tomorrow afternoon for the 3 of us. We talked before about our relationship goals and stuff, but I'm not sure if the typical couple is what I want anymore. If this is too much for you, just text me back directly anytime and I won't make the chat, or if it's down the line and you don't want to do this anymore, just say 'I'm out'."
Make it clear if that 3-person conversation happens whether you are thinking about overlapping couplets or a single polyamorous unit and whether you hope the boys might tingle their dingles together when you're not around. Also be upfront about how you would feel if they want to keep themselves open to other relationships as well.
@@hirtisrandolph4843 polyamory? Even not so, this is genuinely good advice for a person in this situation.
😂 100%, I was gonna comment the same thing. The perfect bad advice for someone looking to start a thruple is to make it as secretive, ambiguous and dishonest as possible.
@haydeneckermann660 I like being alone at my current stage in life, but I could see myself with 1 or more when I finally feel motivated to pursue relationships again. I've certainly considered it.
But I'm a life-long psych student with a bias towards queer, gender and racial studies and I can neither confirm nor deny the publication of "literature" of the romance variety publicly available to modest acclaim.
Jordan Peterson is a feminist because he views men and women as equals. He’s just confused about some issues.
If you disagree, you should define “feminist” with more precision. Gatekeeping with vague standards will hurt feminism because people will view feminists as endlessly moving the goal post, which is a reputation that feminism already has.
"Nice guys" are covert narcissists. That's all.
You guys forgot the most important part about seeing those two men at the same time! KEEP. IT. SECRET. Informed consensual relationships are bad relationships, you know? These guys will be so much happier if they find out that you get to have ANOTHER wonderful man in your life as a complete surprise a while down the road, once you've all been making commitments and things.