The Science Behind the "Nice Guy"
Vložit
- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- We've all wondered it at some point. What made the "Nice Guys" this way? Well, today we are getting some answers. Social Psychology PhD Candidate and all around bada** Nai'a joins us for this extra long, extra enlightening episode to discuss where "Nice Guys" come from, where they are headed, what they're thinking, and what we can do about it.
Warning: Listening to this episode may induce laughter, eye rolls, gasps, and deeper understanding.
Make sure to follow this queen on her on her socials - Tiktok @naia_papaia & Instagram @roxanne_naia
I am so glad that there is academic work in this field and I hope it keeps pushing forward, I spent alot of my 20s as a "nice guy" and I regret that waste of time, I had few resources to engauge with then and I essentially just asked myself if there was a chance that the life philosophy that i had subscribed to was wrong so I hope going forward young men can have acess to resources that challenge those toxic narratives
Here from tiktok! Great stuff. Really loved hearing you guys chat together
Another problem with guys not believing women - even if they are made aware of catcalling being bad, if they themselves don't witness it or their male friends don't do it, there's an inclination to believe it just *doesn't exist*. Similar can be said for any sort of marginalized group where people who aren't marginalized are more likely to conclude that reports of harassment, violence, etc. are exaggerated unless they see it firsthand. This is made more complicated when people often make friends primarily with people like themselves, which makes them less likely to see it happen.
46 minutes of awesome. I truly wouldn't mind even longer FTNG podcasts, PLEASE keep them coming! This is a feminist breath of fresh air, somehow these facts and opinions are truly validating and comforting-this indeed happens to ALL WOMEN!
Solidarity, sisters.
Thank you so much! Can’t stop, won’t stop!
All this resonates deeply. I do think it would help to generalize a little less. Both ways. So both "20:12 [and] men are like "you're no longer useful to me" (ugh) but also "I don't want super muscular man that goes to the gym" [which probably doesn't generalize all the way either". What that brings is that the message can be heard not just by people who already get it.
I love the study... so informative and thought provoking! My mom taught me to be a gentleman, and it's great to hear there are tangible scientific differences to being genuinely nice vs being the "nice guy".
@22:47 There is not always some covert motivation for it. Depends on the individual I guess. Men should respect women and expect nothing in return. People should respect other people and expect nothing in return. I hold open doors for men and women, not because I expect to jump into bed with them, but because it cultivates a better society, even in a small way. It's like the broken window theory of social etiquette or the shopping cart theory in moral ethics. If masculinity is about being a protector, provider and architect, then that guardianship should extend to everyone indiscriminately and society greater.
yeeeaaaaah, you get my sub today. I think you really earned it, this was amazingly informative and fun to listen to!
I agree with the social performance topic. Men are definitely trying to compete with each other constantly, and it's pathetic and immature. But I also think women are also hierarchical and compete with other women, they are just more covert about it.
People should just be themselves for themselves, they'd be happier for it. I don't need to compete with others, because I don't trust the perception or intelligence of others and I'm quite happy with who I am, though there is always room to improve. However, only my perception of me matters. As a man, I have men making negative commenting on my body all the time because I'm not Arnold Schwarzenegger's doppelganger or whatever, and it does sometimes impact my self esteem. But I do mostly like what I see in the mirror. Why put other people down like that? You cannot fix self insecurities by berating others, and imo it's not masculine to insult others out of insecurity.
So... we have a culture that rewards narcissism and self-involvement. We have long idolized those people who are best at it, and we tend to internalize their theories and ideologies. Cult of personality. I'm a 55 yo woman who walked away over a decade ago. I finally realized (along with millions of other people, almost simultaneously) what narcissism is, and how entwined with culture it is, especially patriarchal culture. It's clear to me that the hostility of the most toxic / misogynistic males is due to being denied access to the type of validation they've been programmed to believe they have a right to. This is a direct result of our being able to identify toxic / dangerous behaviors so much more readily now. It was a historic leap in consciousness that I witnessed and participated in - in real time. So now, they've built (or resurrected?) an ideology with the intention of
1. shaming, entrapping, shaping the beliefs of - and limiting the access of kind men (simps) to relationships.
2. limiting the agency of women.
It's more serious than ya'll realize. 15 years ago, these openly hostile men were very few in number.
We haven't seen this mass psychology behavior before in our lifetimes.
Oh my gosh, I’m going to start at the beginning - have listened to three and it’s blowing my mind. Oh my god.
Men dont see acts of sexism or feel they perpetrate them the same way white people dont feel they see any acts of racism and dont perpetrate them. When you arent subject to the behavior somehow it goes over your head but those of us on the receiving end catch it every time no matter how benevolent or subtle.
I am sooooo greatful I've found this podcast. 😍
I am so glad I found this.
This is excellent! Thank you for sharing this! We need more people in this field of study. Thank you so much for sharing the psychology behind what is happening with many men.
The self objectification is different for overweight or women who aren’t culturally “accepted” pretty, it would be interesting to see how that changes things for women.
Very interesting. Hope to hear more.
Thank you for this podcast. I want to make my relationships better and be “a guy who gets it”.😊
This is absolute gold ! More views are needed !!!!
Also, tradition says I must FIRST!!!!
Third!
Loved. Loved this piece ❤
it's not even just access to our bodies.... manifestelle says it in a spoiled girlie podcast about decentering men, but women are valuable. even just mentioning that you might be friends with a beautiful woman to their peers makes them look more valuable.... decentering men era....
The host reminds me of Britta Perry from Community. Especially in her response (and her voice as well)
I'll take that as a compliment!
Coming over here from: youtube.com/@TheRealSpeechProf?si=ZJ3uM7KRFBmsTFRb
I'm looking forward to the discussions coming from this channel. Thanks so much. - a new subscriber
Edit: I've now watched the full video. Having the science behind it is SO appreciated.
I’m scared if I don’t pursue women for sex I won’t be seen as a sexual being.
why do you identify so much over your sexuality? How is the "pursuit of women" adding or detracting from your value as a human being?
Great you're here, but if you want to help dismantle the patriarchy: Start weeding your own frontyard, by minding your choice of words, or at least reflecting on that. Women/"females" aren't prey or "trophies" to be pursued or "hunted". Bruh, I shouldn't have to explain this?