Can You Be "Too Old" or "Too Young" to Have Kids?
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- Tasha, a single 50-year-old woman going through in vitro fertilization (IVF), debates Nikki, a 27-year old mother who got pregnant as a teen--and at the time thought she'd made a huge mistake. Nikki's not gonna lie, she thinks Tasha may be making a mistake, too, emphasizing the energy needed to raise kids. Can you be either "too old" or "too young" to have children? Listen to these ladies hash it out.
Too Old vs. Too Young To Be a Mom | Should We Kid or Not? Ep. 4
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Writer | Director
Maxine Trump
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SHOULD WE KID OR NOT? is a co-production of HITMAN PRODUCTIONS, LLC and INDEPENDENT TELEVISION SERVICE (ITVS), with funding provided by the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING (CPB)
© 2019 Hitman Production, LLC. All Rights Reserved. - Krátké a kreslené filmy
"At least with a child there would be someone there. there is a void" Terrible reason to have a child. Get a cat
I think financial stability and stability of your environment should be bigger factors than just age.
When the older lady meantioned her child as a “mini me” that scared the shit out of me, she does know that the child is more likely to not have the same views as her right?
Omg yes! I cringed so bad when she said that 😩
ykkk, that mentality is disgusting
it's not meant to be taken literally-my daughter looks like me so people say she is my "mini-me" which of course does not mean she isn't her own person❤️
I heard the younger woman say the same thing
My daughter doesn't look like me at all. And also our characters are very different. No mini me for me, which is absolutely fine. What I want to say, don't count on it...
Just listening to the older lady, the root of her wanting a child is to fill a void of maybe emotional loneliness. I wonder if she was to meet someone who was her match, if her desire would lessen. I wish both of them clarity and wisdom in this LIFE. There really is no perfect way to do things.
I teared up when Nikki said that her daughter was her motivation to finish her degree. I am so proud of you Nikki!!
If you’re going to spend $85,000 on IVF which is risky at her age and still end up with nothing why not just adopt though? Her chances of having a healthy child are way better.
she could've adopted 2 or more children for that much money.
@Plamen Stoev , there's nothing wrong with a 60 year-old having a 10 year old child. There are a lot of cases where something happens to the biological parents and the child is raised by grandparents - it's not that uncommon.
@Plamen Stoev or what about surrogacy
And it's not on single women only to adopt, many people adopt that have bio children.
@Jukama In the UK the age gap is 45 simply because there are women like me who have babies easily and naturally in their early to mid-40s like me. However it's unlikely if you are white that you would get a baby or young toddler so you would have to adopt from abroad or use a surrogate.
The younger lady sounds very mature!
Wow I see so many people saying this grown 50yr old woman is selfish for trying to have a baby!. The young woman was irresponsible for "accidentally" getting pregnant and then saying "I'm going to have this baby and Hope everything works out". At the end of the day if a woman wants a baby that's her choice no matter how old. Some women don't want to spend their 20s being pregnant maybe they want to travel, party, start a career. What happened to wanting to live your life and enjoy your 20s. I think society and us women in general put to much pressure on women to have babies at the "perfect" age. The right time is whenever your ready.
The thing is, it isn't about having a baby. The "having a baby" part is easy and a very short period. It is about helping a human being growing into this world. The baby is nothing else than an adult in progress. I always wonder why people don't get this part. I think, not every woman should have a baby, even if she can. And no, at 50 the right time is gone. It is the time for a woman to become a grandmother.
@@PuddiNovaXZ
It's never too late to be a mom never
It is too late if you're a 70yo when the kid graduates 😂 that woman is just in denial, too many red flags.
@@pegapage9603 Exactly...50 is too old to have a baby, most of the time the child isn't conceived the "natural way", and the process of childbirth could compromise the mother's health, and the child is almost guaranteed to have health problems...last year, Birgitte Nielsen had a baby, at the age of 54...imagine being in elementary school, and your mother is in her sixties...ridiculous...
I just hope the 50 year old is putting as much in retirement and long term care insurance or more than she is in fertility treatments. If the treatments do work that child would be 25 and need to start thinking of care for an aging parent. As some one who had to go through that young, I wish my parents had spent more time thinking about the costs of aging.
This woman is fooling herself. Even if she feels younger she looks 50 and is very full of herself. Many times in the interview she mentions how "young " she feels and has to reassure herself she is in good shape. She looks her age. Doctors will take money from a camel and try IVF if it means they will get paid in the U.S. It doesn't mean they think there is any chance of her getting pregnant. This woman is delusional. It's quite sad actually.
I'd rather not live then get old and deteriorate, no way am i going to accept that part of life.. at the rate of biological technology, fingers crossed we can reverse and repair dna damage, and reverse aging
Children can lose parents at any age. My niece had no parents by the age of 18 whereas my mum had me at 44 and is now nearly 98.
Exactly. Parents can die young too. The thing ppl dont get is that not everyone meets their husband/wife right out of college and goes on to happily ever after. Some people meet their person later on, by NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN. Some people want to wait to have a family within marriage, not everyone wants to have a baby by just anyone. And that can take time. I got married a little later than I would've liked, but my husband is AMAZING so I have no regrets. I believe in God, and if He intends for us to have a baby, we will. And if not, cool. I'd rather be with my loving husband in a healthy marriage than have a loser of a babydaddy who didn't think enough of me to marry me, a child going back and forth between two homes, all because I wanted to beat my biological clock :)
I brought up 5 children ages 4, 5, 6, 8 and ten alone after a divorce at the age of 33 and 20 years later I'm still single. I didn't want to go out with someone who had kids and didn't want any more kids of my own either. Most of my kids don't really want any and I'm fine with that and would never push them in either direction.
yes but as parents are older the likelihood of losing them sooner increases. The feelings of children of older parents are valid.. some genuinely do wish their parents were younger.
@@malikastone I love you!!!
I think the way that the older lady brings up adoption is disturbing to me. Like they are a burden on her.
It's definitely not easy but I believe we should be more honest with the reasons why we want kids, if we do want them. It's extremely hard to look in the mirror and say I want a baby to fill the emotional void, to satisfy societal expectations, cause I'm lonely, insecure etc... But it's even harder to be brought up with such parental dysfunction. If one is willing to put the potential baby through incredible risks and uphill battles both short term and long term- that seem selfish to me. These are extremely sensitive conversations, but also extremely important ones to have.
Thank you! In my own personal experience these are the reasons why my mom had me and my childhood was a struggle and traumatic. This is why I'm on the fence on the subject. People really need to ask themselves "why" and not "should I" or even "when". We need to look at quality of life not quantity.
The 50yo woman wants the pregnancy experience. If she only wants her own baby, she can just pay for a surrogate. Much cheaper and no health risk
My mom was 42 when she had me and I love my mom to death. Me personally I don’t want to have kids after 35 just because I know what having a mom and dad who are older is like.
What is it like?
LIDIA STARR It’s not bad, but unfortunately my parents won’t be around as long as I’d like them to be. Versus my husband who’s parents had him when they were 21. And when I was a young girl it was hard to relate to some friends who’s parents were in their late twenties early thirties.
@@rzum81 the part about sticking around for longer - I just watched a documentary about a 23 year old girl making birthday videos for her baby son, because she was dying of cancer. Which she did 3 month later.
One of my closest friends became an orphan by age 14. Dad died in the car crash, and mom had kidney failure. Both were in their 30s.
Age really doesn't guarantee anything there. Just because you have kids younger - doesn't mean you're gonna stick around for longer. Ppl are mortal.
If your parents are still around - just be blessed, however old they are.
And the part about it being hard to relate to some friends with younger parents sounded a bit superficial to me. Really? Was that a real problem? How?
I can understand the generational differences between parents and children can cause issues. But that is also not too age related. My parents had me by 22, but still the generational differences between us are so huge - we hardly have anything in common.
I really feel your side of it just not for me! Im 17 and my mom is expecting and shes 43! Complete surprise and all the things you voiced out was exactly what im feeling for my baby brother.
@@laraibahmed3090 Your brother will be fine because he has an older sibling unless you have no plans to ever see him and your mum again. My mum had me at 43 and I have older siblings. Most of the complaints I find about having older parents come from people who didn't have any siblings and/or any close extended family with younger adult family members.
All a child needs is 1: parents who loves them. 2: Is accountabel.3: And not entiteled/narcissistic ( wants a child that takes care of them when they get old aca servant). 4: Dont need to be " miss perfect mother" " mr perfect dad".
Ironically, #4 would actually bring them closer to perfection.
Totally 👌🏾
It’s interesting to me, it seems there is no right way to do this (both older women and younger women have advantages and disadvantages when it comes to having children. I wouldn’t judge one as better than the other.
The 50 year old woman looks fantastic for her age. I hope her pain eases. 50 is very late to try... there are the miracle babies at that age but man, it’s rare and hard on the body. I hope she finds peace. It’s one thing to make the decision to be childfree when you’re 35 (like I am now) but it’s another thing to then live with the decision. Trust yourself. You know what’s right for your life.
I feel like some women pull the handbrake at 40 and attempt the get off at the last off ramp. But you made the decisions that you had to make at the time. Learn to live with it- in the best way. Find your peace.
a pregnancy when the woman is 35+ is considered a geriatric pregnancy and high risk...i don't even know if her body would be able to handle a pregnancy without complications. And her views on adoption are so so sad...
That baby is never going to be a "little you" and if you want a baby on this premise you should really rethink your choices. If you need selfvalidation look for it in yourself, not in another innocent creature.
Of everything she said its silly that you think she wants to have a baby on the premise of 'little me' dont get unnecessarily stuck on that tiny phrase. 'Little me' is just a simple phrase many mothers and moms to be be use. She is not expecting an exact replica
Example 1 : 19 pregnant hard life died at 26 baby is left to be raised by someone else
Example 2: 50 has a baby lives until she is 85 baby grows up and has a successful life is 35 and has beautiful memories
Example 3: 19 no kids grows up and adopts
Example 4: 50 adopts and lives a full life
And I can go on
Life is unexpected and people of all ages have kids everyday and they don’t live them .
If you want and love and can support a child go for it
Let’s not judge
Life is a journey and we all have a different journey
Best comment here :)
Example 3 and 4 are the best nowadays because of overpopulation
The young mom seems like a great mom! She really recognizes the issues she had a few years ago and how it could’ve screwed up her life indefinitely. The older mom seems to be stuck on living life the way she wants no matter how it affects other people. You can have babies when you’re older but the obsession with carrying them yourself especially for a wealthy woman is weird.
In this particular case, I feel the younger “teen mom” should’ve waited till her mid 20s, and the older lady who’s *trying IN HER 50s* shouldn’t have ignored her biology (unfortunately like many women do these days) and tried earlier - like *IN HER 30s* 🤦🏽♀️💁🏽♀️
I'm not trying to be mean but the woman who is in her 50s said she want to have a child because she is lonely and don't have a husband etc..that mean she using that child for companion not because she wanted a child but because she is lonely...I dont think thats good idea
One question I would’ve loved to ask the older woman. Would you be willing to spend your golden years raising a child instead of being able to spend your golden years doing what you wanna do and focusing on yourself?
She has been focusing on herself in her 20s, 30s and 40s.
Hasn't she been doing that for the last 50 years, tho?
Since she wants children the answer is probably that she would rather spend her golden years raising a child. That is what she wants to do!
I have really appreciated this series of conversations. Thank you for recording these conversations. I wish I could have respectful and organized discussions like this with people whom I don’t agree with. It humanises people whom you otherwise would easily anonymously condemn online. It’s super interesting to hear these different perspectives, decisions and life experiences whether I agree with them or not.
In my opinion "to fill a void" is the wrong reason to have a child.
We never say this about men being in the right age to have kids .... like for a man it s okay to live your life to have a kid in your late 40 or at 50 but when it comes to a woman it s selfish and against the nature!
I think 50 is old for both a man and woman to have a child but the BIG difference is that the woman has to carry the child...and we’ll it’s not exactly easy for anyone
One parent, father or mother should be younger. I think it is ok if a younger man and an older woman have a child. Usually old dads do have young wives, that's why no one is bothered. It is difficult for a child to have both parents old.
If I recall correctly there is more risk once women are 35, but there isn't as much risk until men are nearing 50.
Unless the mom recieves counseling that decreases risks, it is 100% selfish to try and get pregnant if that means your baby is at risk for health problems.
25 to 35 is the best time frame!
Great conversation. My mom was 17 when she had me. My dad was 19. My birth completely destroyed their lives. My dad only finished one semester of college, while my pregnant mom finished her senior year of high school. My parents were still kids, not mature enough to properly raise me but they had to grow up fast & tried their best at raising my brother (born 2 years after me) and I. I had my daughter at age 30 & my son 3 yrs later. I do wish I had them while I was younger so keeping myself healthy is crucial. They do make me feel youthful but then again I always felt youthful. I'm 39 years old now & not able to have kids. No matter how much I tried. I guess that's a sign. My kids are my world though 🙂.
I mean, I like the idea of having a little clone of me, but honestly, I just want a healthy, happy kid, whether or not they agree with me on life and other stuff or not. Whether I have biological kids, do fertility treatments, adopt, or whatever, I don’t care. I just want that life to love and teach and mold into a cool, independent person. I think there isn’t an age, but a season of life to be in. Decent finances, a home, two parents (don’t @ me, the research clearly indicates two parent households are best for a child, but if you are a single parent, rock on, you’re doing great), and good emotional health. As long as you’re a good person who wants to do right by that child I think you’re going to be all right.
ivf is expensive! i conceived my daughter via ivf and today i will find out if i am pregnant with our second ivf baby. didnt spend 85,000 but surely 20,000
It's sad how mean women are to other women that want children. The women that are the meanest probably have multiple of their own but this woman is horrible for not having hers when they had theirs? This is a woman thats actually planning having a baby. When most women out here are having "Mistake" babies and Hoping everything turns out fine like the young woman in this video. Just because you "accidentally" got pregnant and had your children earlier doesn't mean you were a better mother. Have babies when you want. Your the one responsible for them so no one can tell any woman otherwise.
My mom was a young mother, she was 17 when she had my brother. The impression I got from my mom is that it made her more responsible. Raised 7 children, and she raised me from when I was two. I can't tell you how much I love and respect her for that.
Love and respect means nothing when the family struggles. You’re just pushing through the pain to connect with someone who made your life hard with their terrible choices.
Embryo adoption is a good compromise for the older mom.
I agree with the younger lady. I was a young mum at 23. And being a second time mom now, in comparison to then, is so much different. Get ur kids of instaa etc. Make them perform above level. I am now married, and we aim to raising our kids the best possible way.
"Little me" sounds ominous...
And then there's me who will probably only have 1 kid at age 30 or will start fostering kids at 30. I feel like 30 is the ideal age. Living out your twenties and by 48 or a lil after they outta the nest and you got the next 30 or so years to see who the kid grows up to be.
By 30 you should be parent material if you lived your life right, and you still get to see how kid lives out their life until they are about 50
Hmm, the older lady seems to hold a view that young mothers are irresponsible. at 5:25 she seems surprised that the young woman is so ambitious with her education.
Also children are not "mini-mes" they are mini-thems.
I was 38 when I had my only daughter. She is 14 now and I really really wish I had her earlier. I am very happy to have her and she is fantastic, but sometimes I feel old and tired and she should have a more energetic mum.
Having an energetic mother is not the most important thing. Children just want their parents to be there for them. Being a caring and loving mother is far more important than having a lot of energy.
Adopt me and give me a chance to be happy in life. I’m 20 from a broken home, grew up experiencing a lot of crazy things. 😔😔💔
Again these videos are really amazing and done very well
I strongly believe that every person is free to do and choose whatever they find and think suitable for them.
Bringing a child is not a choice for everyone and adoption is not a choice for everyone, to each their own.
It's the first video I've where I really can't relate to either side
Im childfree, but Im here cause why not... I wanna be informed... And my opinion is that your age definitely matters... Please at leadt wait until you are of age of consent before having sex and please talk to your doctor about what can happen if you get pregnant to late... Late pregnancies can kill both you and the child or even if the pregnancy goes well, the kid could be born with a disorder... Sure, people are different... It doesn't to apply to all, but keep the possibilities in mind.... Be educated in the subject... Also... Even if everything goes normaly... That kid wont have a good life... I mean... He will want to play and be energetic while you are waddling around... And the money... Just dont...
Interested
Why not adopt?
I understand that women can get pregnant older now-- age 46 was the oldest I've heard of for a natural pregnancy and healthy baby-- but at 50 you've missed the boat sorry not sorry. I used to say my cutoff was 40 now it is 42 so it has creeped up a bit but at 50 are you crazy?! You have any idea how much energy a 3 year old has? There is a reason nature designed women to bear children in their youth.
Raising a kid is not only the woman s responsibility..... like we make a baby with 2 pple
@@mariamariafujoshiinurarea2524 in theory yes, but not in reality.
I have family members who worked in maternity units. The oldest natural conceptions were 50 year olds but they were women who already had lots of children. The oldest I personally know was a 48 year old who was a school friend's mother.
Should be the same with men.
Was this produced in buffalo? I spy a celino and Barnes billboard!
I think the older woman should adopt cuz pregnancy can be very high risk at that age. Also, she would be a single parent which is hard work. Take the money spent on ivf start a college fund for her adopted child. Give the child a great life.
I wonder if Tasha has considered someone else carrying her biological child for her?? I would totally do that for someone who wanted a baby as much as she does. ❤️❤️❤️
That woman is wasting her money. What’s the point in having a child at her age when she won’t be able to raise it to the best of her ability?
That older woman has some skewed views on children just staying 🤷🏽♀️
Yes you can be too old or too young. If you don’t have your period, you can not have children...
I feel like I am too old for children at 28... I wanted one at 19/20, but I didn’t, because I needed to get a degree. I put it off to 27/28. I broke up with my partner just before finishing my degree at 25, got to work and got caught in the hamster wheel. Now I feel sooo far away from children. I can’t imagine myself playing with them or watching kids movies. I feel too „adult“. But when I watch my best friend (she had a baby by accident at 18), I feel relieved that I didn’t have a baby at that age. She struggles so hard to finish her degree as a single mom, taking care of the kid, working, living with her parents again, trying to somewhat live her 20ies... :S
The older woman should consider doing IVF in a cheaper country. It seems too expensive in USA
I was told this multiple times, you were too young to have a kid. My son was born in 2002 so he's a man, not a kid. Needless to say no one has ever asked ne that ridiculous question again😂
learn to have a better education and reading and writing and being smart and graduating and making so far for my future but I still don't want a child in that situation cuz I still feel childless child-free I'm immature for my age fever act Kiddush myself doesn't mean I want to have a kid special I'm a woman on here even how smart and educated that's what I still don't want that responsibility in my life you know everyone has their opinion I did not tell them to stop that have more babies in this world and doesn't matter what age you are I get what they're saying and a better education makes a better future for you somewhere else and do what they're can for a person in it and a child at South that needs I just don't see a child in my future still and I'm not stopping for someone that wants to have a kid for someone you know I I don't want to have a kid that's my expected for for myself I know it sounds very selfish to think of myself that way don't want to have a family and be tracklist of the rest of my life for someone come in but I don't I'm care several calls me the old maid cuz I'm in my prime nights in my thirties and I don't care what people think but it's all how you do that's a lot of pressure cuz it's on social media but in the real world it now they're so focused on taking care of their own responsible in paying their bills and make it in this world for their selves
Wow after what she said about adoption...i hope she never has children.....
Agreed
Why, it's not for everyone! at least, she doesnt adopt when she doesnt want to !!
I won't go as far as wish she won't have children but you are 1000% percent right she ripped up my heart. When she spoke that way about children in need of homes. Big turn off
This is awful thing to say to someone you really don’t know! Adoption is not always an easy process. Not everyone can easily make a deep connection to a stranger kid.
Nikki seems like a really good mother.
very selfish to be single and 50 and want and be trying for child ... if anything happens to you that kid would be in care ... I'm 45 I'd never ever consider this as I'd be thinking if the impact on the childs life. Menopause happens for a reason
Anything could happen to anyone. Fear of the unknown isn't a reason to not do something. Most young women that get pregnant end up single mothers anyway. What about women who spend their lives wanting a husband and kids but the husband never comes. So now that woman has to live her life childless because a man didn't ask to marry her? Some women a courageous enough to take that step alone. That isn't selfish.
That old woman is selfish as fuck. Props to the young girl who stepped up.
I really don't understand how you drop 85K and uproot your entire life over the potential to have a child. That is totally alien to me.
Yes i believe u can be too old to have kids. I am a single mom of a teenage boy who haa severe adhd. He is 5 children in one body even at the age of 17. I love him dearly im 48 and i deffinately wont b having more kids. Absolutely not. Hell no.
Well, my kids are grown up even though I had out of wedlock at 19 and I am going to be a grandma at 48.
I think its selfish to have children after 50. What about the child having old parents at a young age.
Most of our ancestors were teen parents. Now in our contemporary culture we look down on people who are sexually active or getting pregnant in their teens. This sickens me.
@@devilsadvocate7059 more like ten.
If your heart is set on parenthood,
Hopefully at 26 you find a respectful partner, have finished highschool and had a job for 8 years or finished college and had a job for 3-4 years, gotten out of your hometown or home country at least once or twice and have at least a little savings.
I think I'd kill myself if I got pregnant to the guy I dated at 16. He was a very nasty abusive dangerous man. I'd certainly be in an abused women's shelter by now.
It’s not your main purpose in life to get educated and then give it all up to raise a kid
Sorry but the 50 year old has waited way too long. Your chances of a healthy child is slim. Humans weren't made to have kids that late unfortunately.
She’s really old...what she expect? Nah in my thirties I was just living as a 20 year old
That old lady should not have biological kids come on. Its so irresponsible. Plus the kids could have special needs.
She should look into foster care. A sweet person like her would make a child that needs a stable life very happy. Having a biological child isn’t that important, especially at an older age. There is more risks involved giving birth at that point if she does end up getting pregnant.
Isn't 25-35 the ideal age?