Childfree vs. Childless: What's the Difference?
Vložit
- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
- What's it mean to be childfree by choice, compared to ending up childless?
Frequently worrying about how his life would be "over" if he had kids, Cameron had panic attacks when he came close to becoming a parent--maybe growing up in a religion that pressures people to start families had something to do with it. Meanwhile, Sarah didn't really want children until her late '30s and then tried unsuccessfully, before finding herself at odds with the fertility industry and a support group.
Childfree vs. Childless | Should We Kid or Not? Ep. 5
How do we help other childless people find support and communicate to those around them? What is it like to socialize when so many around you have kids?
Learn more about "Independent Lens":
www.pbs.org/independentlens
Like us on Facebook: / independentlens
Follow us on Twitter: / independentlens
Follow us on Instagram: / independentlens
Writer | Director
Maxine Trump
Executive Producers for Independent Lens
Sally Jo Fifer
Lois Vossen
Producers
Dorottya Mathe
Maxine Trump
Series Producer
Pamela Torno
Supervising Producer for ITVS
Clare Chambers
Director of Photography
Hiroshi Hara
Editor
Josh Granger
Casting Associate
Martine Phelan-Roberts
Production Designer
Jesika Farkas
Sound Recordist
Nikola Chapelle
Production Coordinator for ITVS
Susan Cohen
Thanks to all additional crew and the cast.
Makeup Artist | Hair Stylist
Daurisa Tessier
Camera Operator | Gaffer
Andrew Keefe
Camera PA
Mollie Moore
Art PA
Jack Dobens
Set PA
Serena Smith
DIT | Behind The Scenes Photographer
Kuldeep Sah Gangola
Driver
Igeoma "Ejoma" Simon
Colorist
Kyle I. Kelley
ReRecording Mixer Clean Cuts
Archie Moore
Intern
Adrian Korin
Music Courtesy of
APM Music
Filmed at
Attic Studios
Insurance Provided by
Film Emporium
Makeup Supply Provided by
MAC Cosmetics
Fenty Beauty
Smashbox
SHOULD WE KID OR NOT? is a co-production of HITMAN PRODUCTIONS, LLC and INDEPENDENT TELEVISION SERVICE (ITVS), with funding provided by the CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING (CPB)
© 2019 Hitman Production, LLC. All Rights Reserved. - Krátké a kreslené filmy
I agree society automatically thinks because a person is a parent that they are naturally good humble people and that isn't true.
If anything they are the most stuck up people because they're like "look at me! I did something most women have been capable of doing for thousands of years!"
@Sunflower94 It's important to remember that some (though thank God not all!) of the most arrogant and sometimes even narcissistic people are the ones with kids. It's no wonder there's human suffering!
I had three parents and they were all terrible.
@@lyzziekelly those same damn people are the ones who will demand total adoration from their kids when they misbehave like, "I let you eat, I let you have a bedroom, I gave birth to you and I didn't have to, worship me you monster!". Congratulations for doing the bare minimum and fulfilling what instinct has dictated all animals should do from the beginning of time.
I relate to the difficulty in socializing because to do so I am the one making allowances to the ones with child(ren) and so most often best not to socialize at all.
"We have to value other forms of adulthood than parenthood" That's a great way of putting it! Absolutely.
That was beautifully put.
this conversation was full of great insights.
Childfree people are more concerned about children's mental health (and really care about it) than those ones that want kids only to sustain their own ego...
Thank God for this. I'm childfree by CHOICE and I do NOT like being referred to as Childless.
Like it makes a diffrence.
I respect your childfree choice. I'm the other one. I don't even like to use the word "childless" to identify myself because of the pain it brings up. Society doesn't know what to do with either of us. I'm almost 50 and hate explaining my situation, so after years of therapy I can now tell people if the topic arises, "No and it takes too long to explain why." Perhaps you could find a go-to phrase to cut off those questions you know are coming. People with kids are usually curious about our lives because some of them have told me they wish they wouldn't of had kids. You're probably the happiest and most fulfilled out of all of us because you knew kids weren't for you. Some find out too late and then the kids suffer for it. So don't let anyone label you and live your life your way! 💯❤️☮️
Me too. God, bless!!!
I respect your choice!
Preach! Childfree too! I am not lacking anything, I am free from the burden of child rearing, hence I am childfree.
I like how you choose smart, open minded and respectful guests unlike jubilee.
J Mar lol agreed. You end up learning a lot from both sides because you don’t have someone’s attitude frustrating you the whole video. These videos are very enlightening
Lovely to see a guy giving this interview.. The pressure is not only on women, its also on men!
But mostly women
True. Men (especially those who are married) also get bombarded with the "when are you having kids" question.
@@atejani6994 true only woman asks their men when we want a baby, 4 of my male friends are in this position right now, poor guys.
Thats not a guy. Idk what he is but I dont detect any testosterone.
@@groneass2006 Why does he not appear to be a "guy" to you?
Lots of immature people have kids, thinking that because they are parents they are more mature. But instead they raise their children to be immature just like themselves
YES
I've made the choice to be child free and have never regretted it. There's a lot of pressure to have children, especially for women. It's such a big life decision to become a parent and it's just not for everyone.
When I see the comment of a youtuber I watch hidden in the comments I feel like I'm seeing a friend in the grocery store
Especially considering how many kids wind up being abused or neglected by parents who felt pressured into becoming parents, it’s really honorable IMO to choose to live your own life the way you see fit, regardless of societal pressures.
@@ivory9217 YES!
Wow. When she said that the idea that the lives of parents are more important than non-parents needs to change really hit the nail on the head. The same thing can translate to relationships. People look at bfs/gfs as a joke vs married couples. It’s infuriating.
It's interesting that you say that. I never taught about it
Right? Love isn’t defined by marriage. Many people have been life partners without it. Some gf/bf have died young defending their partners.
I'm so glad that Sarah realized that she was causing herself and more than likely her husband, as well, trauma from those failed IVF treatments. I like Sarah. She seems like a lovely lady. And Cameron is so genuine.
My wife and I have bad genes on both sides of our family. We don't want to pass them on to any child. I just lost a 7th family member from suicide, but yet my wife and I are called "selfish" for not having children, but yet my cousins are popping out babies left and right, one of them just had her 4th kid under the age of six and she is on public assistance, but yet no one is calling her "selfish". Boy do I come from a fked up family and people wonder why I don't want to add any more to the family.
I respect people like you endlessly. Knowing you have fucked genetics and actively making sure to not selfishly risk another humans life.
Thank you.
This will help people know the difference between childfree and childless.
I’m a Christian I knew at young age didn’t want be a mother. I feel bad for the girl was pressured to having kids by the church.
I find it hard to find a women my age in my religion I can relate to.
Rachelle Blan I’m a Christian to and I never want kids.
Im a Christian woman and im not into having children. Im really dealing with the pressure of it by all my Christian peers and its really hard. You're not alone.
I am Christian, and as I get older, I am starting to realize I don't want children. I wouldn't mind being married though. I just don't want children.
Same. As a Christian and woman who doesn't want kids, I find it hard to relate with other women sometimes. It is pushed so hard in the church that to not want them is often treated as a sin. Before I was married, I found it hard to find a Christian guy who was open to not having kids.
I was raised Christian, but Im not anymore... However... Even when I was considered a Christian... My choice was always to stay childfree...
I’m childfree and lucky that exits because it’s the best lifestyle and easier
then parenthood
How old are you? If 40 and more, I believe you, if not, write here again after 40.
"Until youre sick and elderly!"
-Breeders
@@dorinc5263 This is absurd troll logic. People don't magically get the right to have their choices respected and taken seriously at some arbitrary age limit.
Dorin Corceac why so rude I’m an adult grow up and respect everyone
@@dorinc5263 41, married, child-free. You rang?
I believe Parenthood is a calling. If God did not put the desire in you to be a parent, then don't have children.
That's how I feel on a very personal level.
I'm 37, married 18 years and no children.
I'm always asked when I'm having children and I tell them I really don't want any. I have no grand goal in my life. I don't see children as weighing me down with my life. I actually really love children. I'm very nurturing and compassionate with children. I have an overload of patience for children. I got the Mom switch and get flip my switch and won't hear them banging on the pots and pans drum set in the kitchen.
But, I never had that burning desire to carry children. There's never been a yes or no answer of when I decided about children. My body just never carried on the urge to want children. Now if my husband was to one day tell me.
"I want a baby."
Sure. If that's something he wants us to do together. Lets do it.
But via with my own body. There's no urge for it.
Even if you have the desire, adopt. We'll soon be 8 billion on earth
True
@@thesustainableindianjalebi5936 Exactly
It’s not a calling, it’s a choice.
my father was really judging when i told him we were doing ivf, we had tried for 4.5 years and informed our family of the decision. he went on to explain why he doesnt approve and ended with "up to you.." he was not expecting me to say" i was informing, sharing news, not asking for your permission or opinion, its a fact".
It’s 2020... IVF shouldn’t be such a big deal. Good luck then! :)
And this is how conversations are meant to go..not screaming or name-calling or damning
That story the guy gave about the lady killing herself cuz of pressure from the church was so heartbreaking 😢
F up to 😡
Feel so bad for anyone who gets pressured into doing thing they don't want. How is it any different from bullying??? 😠😠
I am both. I can't naturally conceive but I also don't want kids.
It worked out great for you then. I want to be both as well after sterilization. I wish I didn't have to go through sterilization and naturally be barren. If it was possible I'd gladly give my ability to conceive to someone else who deserves to have kids when they can't. I really don't want kids either.
Same here, I have a tumor in my uterus so pretty much can't conceived and since I'm a teacher I don't think I want children
Lucccckkkkky
Same... well I „shouldn’t“ have children. Weirdly enough I would be fine with adoption. Pregnancy just creeps me out. Maybe it’s our body’s sending us signals.
Devil Girl dude, I’m 22 weeks pregnant and it is so weird. I am 32, I did understand getting off the pill meant I could possibly conceive, but it just seemed so unlikely. I do want this, but especially becoming pregnant I would never ever ever want for another person to have to go thru this, physically. It’s not unbearable (yet) but it’s pretty rocky at times. Everyone deserves the freedom and access to care, to be able to choose.
This guy seems so lovely. Go enjoy your child free life man. Go you.
Child free: you chose not to have children. Childless: you couldn't have children.
The church forced that women to do something she didn't want to do and look where that got them...her kids are now motherless and I bet the church isn't jumping to raise them properly.
Far too many cases like this happening and its gonna be even worst with the law banning abortion. Women will be forced to give birth and more kids will be abandoned and neglected by the government and church aka the two evil pushing for their pro-life narrative onto women
Based church
This is a beautiful, authentic and touching interview. As someone who has been motherly from an early age and expressed that in my care of animals, plants, children and others around me, I agree 100% with these two interviewees.
Spiritual parenthood is something that gets overlooked in society. The masses often think that the only way to be a parent is through biological means.
But that's incorrect. To borrow a logician's terms, "biological parenthood is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition to being a parent"
One can be a parent through mentorship (I.e. Big Brother/Big Sister), the tender care we give to those most vulnerable around us (stewardship/citizenship), and through the openness we have to embrace others, through the act of listening.
Biological parenthood is *not* for everyone. It is a vocation and one that should be taken with the utmost care and responsibility.
Society's pressure that "absolutely everyone should have a child" is misguided at best and evil, at worst.
Children--like plants and pets--need a caring adult who will look after them selflessly. So if you cannot offer that space and care to a child, just don't do it.
Like a plant in the home of someone careless, that child will wilter emotionally and psychologically. And that is neither humane nor right.
Look into yourself and make the decision based on principles, like these two amazing interviewees. They are both high responsible, mature and honest.
And honesty wins the day! ❤
Well said!
Beautifully put. I love kids and pets and would love to be a responsible enfler to help watch and guide them. But society now frowns on none related adults actively wishing to help raise the village children.
So sorry to his friend😢😢. Pressure like that is too much
I'm 43, never married, no children. I'm child free, marriage free by choice. I love my freedom, get to keep all of my assets. Everytime I go through the babby diapers isle at the grocery store, I say to myself that I'm glad that I don't ever have to buy this stuff.
We stan women and men who live their adult lives the way they want
Childfree is the way to go! 💯
Argh. Why do people use the word pressurizing.. that's what they do do aircraft.
Pressuring is what people do to each other.
These are probably the same people who say "conversate" and "all of the sudden."
😂😂😂
@@dergluckliche4973 "All of the sudden"? I've never heard that before. People actually say that? Wow.
You know why--Because they mistook one word for the other. Simple answer.
That's actually the British way of saying "pressuring". It is correct, but just different from the American way.
I don't get people, they say they really want a child and go through thousands of dollars and give up and become bitter....Why not adopt a baby or child, what does it matter who they com from. If your desperate enough to spen money on pregnancy to get pregnant, you obviously really want a baby....
Because they're stuck up
You have to take into consideration how badly some people can be hit with baby fever. Lots of times it's on an internal level, not just the brains but hormones as well.
Some people via biological just get hit really hard with specifically wanting to birth. There's even group therapies for mother's who have lost their child at birth and these mothers are given realistic babies to nurture and care for, even breast feed. They can't be given a live baby because their urge to mother is so great they could possibly do things like holding onto the infant for dear life out of fear of losing this child and in return smothers the baby to death. They have a fear of handing the baby over to someone else. A fear of leaving the baby alone, even in a room in the crib.
I came across some comments of adult children who had noted this with their mothers. One man had stated his mother just had an urge strictly for babies, that's it. And she had so many children because she specifically wanted a baby. Another man was saying about his Mom pressuring him to *give her* a grandchild and he flat out told her to adopt a baby, and she did adopt an infant.
Some people on a biology level just have a burning desire to specifically birth their own offspring and nurture infants.
The adoption process can also be painful. It's not for everyone
Because most of them don't actually want a child. They want a bloodline.
In USA you can adopt babies or children like puppies ( that's crazy tho) but in other countries it's not the case. In France it takes years because of administration to have the right to adopt.
Im childless because this world doesnt have anything to give a child anymore.
Agree completely!
That is so true
Besides pain and suffering
Wow. Talk about glass half empty.
Christie Britten It’s a glass half full...of truth.
I think it's great that he mentioned that he can't talk to people about his relief. That is one of those things that I see Americans especially frown upon, and I think it comes from religious idealism which drive a lot of American culture and politics.
Im child free by choice too!
I have appreciated my friendship with a person who is childless not by choice. I work hard to find topics to discuss that are not about my kids. At times I've felt more free to focus on myself and interests I have in that friendship.
My siblings and I are all childfree-by-choice, so at least we'll be able to hang out with each other. My partner and I have a pretty large friends group that is a real mixed bag of some with children and some childfree. The only downside is there's almost no way to get the whole group together at once.
I’m really refreshed to see a guy answer the questions very well! I’m glad he shared stories.
I was raised by parents who didn't have the emotional stability to raise goldfish. Many parents should have not had children. I chose not to have children because I don't think this world has been a safe place for children at any point in history
I’m childless, but I have got to the point that if I have one or not I’m ok with me.
right, i am scared of the justice system.
Glad he got out of that church!!
She could still adopt. There are so many babies and children in need of parents in this world.
I like how she talks.
Well finally I found my comfort zone , I thought for a while am not a normal woman by not wanting to have kids in my entire life ( honestly i don’t like being around them ) I have nephews and I lived with them for a long period even tho before they came to life I’ve always had that feeling like euh kids are not really that cute and a must have and I’ve never liked a pregnant woman it gets me a weird feeling ... idk if it’s just me or not ?! am more into dogs and cats
I am a teacher and I love working with kids. I am also childfree and have nightmares about getting pregnant
In the US having kids is romanticised, I don't blame you. You're right, they're not always cute. Cuteness is not the point of motherhood 😄. It's just the natural life cycle.
I always found pregnancies and pregnant women kind of gross. Kids are fine. I’d love to adopt, but I’m also fine with becoming an old, childless, free, cat mom spinster :)
Surprised at non judgmental mature conversation
Sarah's story is so much like mine - pressure from the infertility world can be just as damaging and isolating as pressure from fertile myrtles. And she is spot on that we live in a pro-natalist society.
I appreciate you two! This conversation was vulnerable and real. Thanks!
She reminds me so much of my aunt, really comforting to see her, even if their stories are different
Other forms of parenthood-I like that.
These videos are really good, they're an eye opener every time
Thank you for these, much appreciated
I consider myself child free. I have known that I do not want to have kids since I was like 10. My parents, family, and their friends always tell me that I don’t know what I want right now. That I am too young or that they also didn’t want kids when they were kids, but that now they’re happy. The thing is I know I don’t want kids especially to bring them into this world? I don’t even know if I want to get married! Kids are cute and can also be super annoying.
After a few years of babysitting, I know that kids are not my 24/7 thing. Sure I’ll take care of my future nieces and nephews, but I don’t want to have a kid and have to raise them for 18 years. I just couldn’t do it without regretting it.
I really like her last comment about making the decision authentically. Either way it should be something you CHOOSE for your life, a decision that's as much as possible stripped of all the societal pressures and expectations that are covering up your true sense of self.
So good. Glad you posted this
I am happy I found this. I've always known I didn't want to have kids and the older I get the more certain I am about it. The pressure is real though.
I'm 27, and I don't have kids. It really wouldn't be a good idea right now, since I don't have a husband and realistically I can't afford kids right now. It would be great to have kids someday, but I seriously only want kids if I can afford them.
That never really happens tbh. Because you never know what can happen. You never have enough money. Having children is a scary business.
Such lovely people, I really wish the best to both of them :)
Very mature talk.
They are both so sweet!
I am childfree and antinatalist I dont see why we should perpetuate pain into others who are innocent and we claim we love them.
Oh! I have the same opinion on this, but I also don't want to have any kids near me for the sake of my peace.. And for that I've been called a misanthrope a couple of times? I don't hate every single person, just the ones that do harm to animals and well, babies as I don't want any near me.. Especially when you are out on a dinner with your husband and the baby on the table next to you just won't stop screaming.. Ugh..
Because life has and never will be a utopia. Pain and suffering are a fact of life, which allows us also to experience their inverse. Of course it is everyone's individual decision to have or not have children. I choose to think that I am perpetuating joy and hope. I choose to think that I am raising individuals who can healthily cope with trials so that they can then experience the beauty and wonder of life.
When you have kids you have to do kid stuff like take them to school, football practice or the park and inevitably some conversations are about them. My brother chose not to have kids and told me they did struggle to find childless friends at first.
Regarding IVF, people have no idea how f*** hard It is. Clinics make you think you're going to be successful. When it keeps failing over and over again they don't research the causes. And when you have several miscarriages you can't even mourn because the baby is so small sometimes. Your friends keep getting pregnant year after year. And every try takes an enourmous emotional and physical toll on both you and your partner so the relationship becomes so fragile. I was lucky to have my boy after numerous attemps but people still say to me: "you only have one?". If they only knew what it took. It's such a disrespectful question.
I,m Childfree by choice and i really appreciate someone who live without jugde another people choice.
Life is a choice.
Live your best life.
for me childfree is a way to get freedom and less suffering in this life.
Have the same thoughts as you
The pressure is even in the language. Never noticed the term 'parents without children' when one wants to say adults? When I point it out lots of people don't even get it, as if being without children is just a phase and will pass.
I liked their conversation, and very non-judgmental. I came from a big family, but I was also the only girl in my family. When you grow up in a military family, it was not easy. With me being the only girl, there was the added pressure of not getting pregnant young (trust me, when you have something traumatic happening to you, you steer clear of the opposite sex). Then went into the military, where men look at you like a piece of meat. Makes you want to avoid the human race. I am one of the people who should never have kids, and while I like them, they defiantly deserve better.
Some people might cut my head off by me saying this. But what if people that really want children, but aren't able to have one, is meant to be a family, for a child that doesn't have a good life.. Who lacks a safe home, with loving and caring parents?
Adoption is a beautiful choice but not an easy one. You can wait years for an infant and older children often come with challenging issues. Having said that, if you really want it, there are options.
Child free and happy
Parenting is an awesome and terrible responsibility, I wish people would put more consideration into than the *shrug "why not?" attitude I get when I turn the question around on people.
Why would anyone bring a child into this world?!?
Wish they spent more time on socialising.
You can't fall in love with someone who doesn't exist... but when you become a parent many experience such joy that never thought they would have. But not everyone has children and not everyone needs to either.
People owe themselves personal growth & spiritually. Experiencing joy is default to each & everyone of us the same reason a 5 year old is happy & joyous all the time until they are brainwashed into societal norms. . It's sad that for some they need to have children first in order to experience joy.
Good one
I love her posture. 😍
Childless life is very good . Less work less trouble, no mass in the home can travel anywhere anytime full freedom .
I don't understand why there is a need to judge Childfrees for not wanting children. Having children or not is a choice. I personally want children but I will not judge anyone who does not. Parenting and raising children is difficult and most of the time only those who really wanted it will find happiness in it.
seems like children produces more problems than cures them, but thanks to someone's child I am safe, healthy, and have access to m any things.
I am both of these people.
He has a youthful energy
This made me kind of think
If I get into a relationship and marry a woman and decide to not have a child my parents would get really sad but they are not the type to put pressure on me for this nor is my other relatives nor is my close community infact the only pressure I would get is from the general populace and thats after your random person learns about my stance on not having children
By the way this was a theorathical scnerio If I become a father I am thinking a large family two boys and two girls ideally
I am a birthstriker and childfree by choice.
I just googled who a "birthstriker" is, and you *_rock_* sis.
I have a friend that always know she wanted 3 biological kids and adopt as well. But she coud only have two biological children and when she was informed by the doctor it woud destroy her health to have another one she know it was the moment to adopt. My friend and her husband adopted a little girl from a teen mother that did not want to be a mother (and the teen mother is a second degree cousin to my best friend). My best friend is really happy and a great parent as well.
I am open minded. If I find a partener that is chieldfree by choise I am perfectly ok with this option if I find a partener that wants a kid I am ok with only one biological or adopted kid.
My mother was exactly like me. 😃
She end up marring my father that wanted only a chield.😄 I am happy to their daughter because I was wanted and loved.
It is important to make the corect decision for yourself and not care about wath judgmental people belive.
I think if you have strong doubts, you shouldn't have kids. It's very helpful to have a huge desire to be a part of new life's journey, and when this desire is lacking, it's totally okay to obstain from having kids.
True. But one should also be aware that this desire is not created by external brainwashing. I guess going into isolation and meditating/ contenplating upon it helps.
I don't wanna be mean but trying to conceive at 38 is just senseless because
1. As your maternal age goes up you are at higher risks for pregnancy complications including mortality for both mother and child or if you do bring the child safely to term there is the risk of birth defects which can bring challenges to both the family and the child for its entire life.
2. If the child is safely born with or without birth defects as you age you won't have the energy to keep up with them and they will lose you earlier in life than if you had them when you were younger
i dont understand, why dont childless couple adopt? they want a child to love so bad, there are thousands in the system waiting for a family to love them so bad. it seems like its the two perfect puzzle pieces that fit together
Adopting a child is easier said than done. It's a long, expensive process. In the UK the price is between £12,000 to £25,000, and in the USA it's somewhere around $70,000.
Blame the system for making it hard. Even in my country, only straight couples are allowed to adopt. I as a lesbian have no chances of ever adopting kids
people just talk about kids like a fashion accessory, like they are getting a new puppy or tv. it is a human being they are bringing here not a fucking puppy and that human being is never taken into consideration.
all i heard her saying was me, me, me. i want a kid to take care of me, i want kids because i want to share things with them, i want a kid because i've been told is wonderful and magical for me, i want to kid to feel like i am doing something very special for the universe, i want kids because they will fix my stupid relationship and so on.
I always had endometrioses...I know I can have children...but my pais make me unable for at least 6 days per month...so I know I can't take care of a baby...so we gave up about this idea befere we got married
I thought the guy was Gay
Me too!!
I totally did too!
Just some Forest Ranger with Internet Access idiot
I understand that many people do not want children and that's absolutely OK. But I really don't know what I should think about the people that are saying your life is over when you have children or you're so irresponsible for wanting kids. You don't want to be pressured to have children then don't pressure others for their decision to have children. I actually want children and now I'm hearing from so many people how dumb and naiv I am for that decision.
Your not dumb for wanting children. Some people genuinely love kids and just because you have them doesn’t mean you can’t do fun stuff like travel. You just got to adjust some things.
I have two boys. They are the biggest love in my life. You are not dumb, urge to have children can be very strong. It is hard raising them and I can not do everything I used to, but they grow and it us getting easier. It is such a privilege observing a person beeing a baby an growing and changing. It is so fulfilling. And it is worth the effort 100%. You change after you give birth, your focus change from your self to someone else. The love you feel for this little person is so huge, you can't imagine. I feel for people who want kids but can't have them, it is such a huge pain. It is also horrible wanting kids and beeing married to someone who don't want them. It is important to be honest about it before marriage.
I relate to this 100%.
I think they are expressing their feelings exactly as the others expressing their feelings when they tell them why they should have their own.
I always wanted to become a mom, but once I started working I am really tired. Like at the end of the day I want silence and have my "me time". I can't imagine returning home and having to deal with kids for other 4 hrs before they go to sleep and I have a breather before the day is over.
You become part time yourself and that's the truth. Your life will be around your kids and their schedules. You should be aware of this consciously before having kids, because neglecting them at the end will be worse.
People present parenthood like sth shinny and easy. Videos on CZcams with tips and routines and other bs. Unless you aren't working or you have someone else to help you, it's gonna be a race. At least for the first 12 years until the kids become independent in a way.
If I ever decide to have kids, I am thinking of adoption although my parents and bf are against it. There are too many kids out there needing love and a home.
CHILD-FREE is the WAY TO BE!! Kids are SO CUTE, but only for seven or eight years, then they become a pain in the ass, and by the time they are teenagers, only R. Kelly's and Kevin Spacey's wanna hang out with them. Bringing a kid into the world is often selfish on the parents' part, for Americans tend to have children like pets, but unlike dogs and cats, kids live beyond 13 years. Vasectomies can be HELLA cheap, and a lifetime investment against pain, stress, anxiety, extra responsibilities & liabilities, headaches, drama, and a plethora of other life dampening side effects that drive most people further into depression and perpetuating cycles of misery and depravity. Its not childLESS, its childFREE because you are FREE from the burdens of raising the next mass shooter, cult leader, gang member or robber-baron. You just get to chill and enjoy your life and do whatever you want. Just remember when you visit your friends and family with kids to bring a PONCHO!
I absolutely agree with her somethings you can’t use it just happens and you can try your best but it’s just a happy but on the other hand I think it should be the rule if you are a person who wants kids remove the child from people from your life that’s what I did and I notice I actually don’t have any more problems dealing with the attitude and a personal choices because I have a lot of friends they cannot have kids do you what did the greatest people I know very helpful in all of the above but the ones that I remove you say I don’t want kids my my body my choice there was a nuisance didn’t I want them around ain’t good for shit to be honest and they always have a I’m better than you attitude and I know you gotta cut people out your life but at least find the right person to cut off your life
I'm child free and my child is parent free.
I appreciate that you used two different people, but i beg to argue that the comparisons would have been far more informative if it were two people of the same biological sex. Yes, men may face pressure, but the pressure that women face is far much more, and is very different from the one that men face. Additionally, I do not want to make any assumptions, but it would have been nice to know whether the man's partner is a man or a woman, because that too would play a factor. Far more pressure on straight couples than couples of the same sex. I also raise some red flags on the man's stories regarding his friends and the woman he knew that committed suicide. I also don't believe that men face the socializing ostrazing in the same way that women do, that's if most his friends are male. All in all, the matching was badly matched, and not informative at all.
When you hit 35 as a women your a left over in U.S society pressured more than ever. When you marry a younger man your told his being a few years younger will be good when your now 38 and your hopeful that you will have a family of your own but know internal clock is ticking away. Meanwhile your Orthodox Church makes you fear what if you can't have kids and until your married with kids your ostracized by family and church. My family rubs it in how my Nieces and Nephews are getting married, meanwhile with permission from church my boyfriend moved in and now with COVID-19 financial issues have changed. However we know we are ready to start a family, however I want to be as Church requires engaged before trying so that I know my partner is seriously committed. However he's like we live together I consider you already my Wife, yet he also brings up wanting to start a family, but has not made any move on the matter that shows me he's serious on it and I can't wait for him to always decided when we should try. I just always wanted kids and so far his promise of better financial security is not of importance, neither is his view on how much more difficult if even possible at 38 it would be for me to have kids. I'm against financial instability due to hormonal treatments and IVF because its an emotional up hill battle and if your unable to have a child through medical treatments your even more considered blasphemy in church as gods shunned women who can't have kids. Even if you look at cost of adoption and the years and channels to go through for this, like Medical Treatments to get pregnant it takes an emotional toll on the would be adopting parents if it won't work out. We both work and are in middle-class and from Orthodox Christian community. My worry is waiting to long with each passing month my chances of becoming a mother seems near impossible.
I definitely would like to have children but I like watching stuff like this to stay open to other people's perspectives
Loved to see both of their stories! And she should foster/adopt! I feel like she would be a great mom.
Parents...Can we please take a moment to appreciate how hard working they choose to be? How sacrificial they are? How much they love? We may not all always have the best relationships with our parents, and sometimes we aren't in control of that; but even just the fact that they contributed to how we are alive today...is just, in itself such an amazing thing!!! I know that sometimes is extremely difficult...but they're a great thing to be grateful for.
Not when their narcissistic and toxic. They made a choice to have me that’s not to say I don’t appreciate what they do for me.
No. They do and have always doing it for themselves. Moreover, there are millions of people out there wishing they weren't born so
My parents are the best, I love & appreciate them everyday, but that doesn't change the fact that I Do Not want to bring any kid Into this filthy world.
Sounds like you had a good upbringing and loving parents. Happy for you. That is not always the case.
You chose to put a child in this world; therefore, it is your responsibility to care for him/her. Do not expect praise for doing your basic duty.
Him: "...my ex girlfriend"
Me: wait... he's not gay??
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ikr
I wish he had asked her about adoption.
Totally agree!!! Why didn't she adopt if she really wanted a child!!!
Not bring able to conceive your own child is traumatic and heartbreaking. Infertility is a form of grieving. To say someone should just adopt because they cannot reproduce is an extremely simplistic response. Yes, there are millions of children that need adopting, but if you can't conceive doesn't make you automatically want to take on another person's child..which is usually under emotional and stressful situations also
This lady needs to talk to the other lady in this series who is 50 and trying to have a baby via IVF.
IVF is only beneficial is the woman is under 35-33 most women can have a kid without IVF. Having a kid via IVF at 38 is less than 33%.
Unfortunately women need to understand that trying earlier is better. I know it's not fair but it's the truth. Starting to try at 38 is quite old. I had my first at 31 and was told I was an elderly first time mother.
31 is elderly???
True but every woman is different. Some women have good pregnancies even in their late 30s. Some women can try for years, miscarry and finally be blessed in their late 30s, early 40s with children.
My mum had me at 37, and I was her firstborn.
@@lynxo5695 judging by the name "Sally". Having a baby at the "elderly age" of 31 was probably weird back in the 50/6070/80/90s.
I know my mother had 3 before thirty and liked to regularly insult and hate on women who just "weren't as well rounded as her" who didn't have children yet behind their backs. I was a 90s baby.
tbh i don't care what age you are, if you don't plan ahead and be sure that you're well-prepared to have a child before you trying then your child deserve better parents
Child free is that you dont want kids childless is because you cant get preagneat
So he's not gay? Wow.
If you dont want children then you dont have to it's that simple, DONT PRSSURE PEOPLE INTO HAVING KIDS. However if you dont want children and get pregnant please please dont blame your kids for taking away your life. It wasn't there fault they were born when you didnt want kids. And you probably will love your kids after there born(in no way am i saying that you should just have kids becouse you will love them. Im saying dont if you dont want to but if it's an accident and you do get pregnant then love them or if you dont think you can do that adoption would be an option)
I'm so glad abortion is safe and legal where I live. You sound like a nightmare
But like, there’s so many kids out there that need homes. Ducking selfish
It’s really expensive and difficult to adopt... could be $20,000-$50,000 depending on where you live. So it’s not always as easy as just having your own. Also, why judge someone that chooses that? It’s their business.
No Name I don’t think IVF is so much cheaper
i mean...starting to try at 38 isnt smart. you made the choice to be childless by waiting so long
True
There are people who try for years to have a child but when they get up in age they are with child. Everyone is different.
Who made you the leading expert on when to have kids. Many families are well served by having parents in their upper 30's. They are settled, financially stable and certainly young enough to have the energy to raise them.
The difference is people who say child free view children as toxic. The antecedent to free is always negative. Cancer free, fat free, drug free, crime free, etc.. No one is penny free, but some are penniless.
I am so thankful to have a daughter and have always wanted kids but I’m actually grateful to those who don’t: reducing overpopulation/environmental impact/pollution, more resources available for all generations! Stigma? I say thank you for your sacrifice!
It is really hard for me and my pride age 32 special on CZcams account when someone so many of them have that on there and I have nothing against kids yeah I don't know what to do and it's things I want to kill myself no no way it just the whole idea using everything that gets me to make me sell down because it's a thing to go for I don't think the world is well from me but I just don't want to have a child it is a lot of pressure for that war II lookout because the gal is giving birth in taking care of the baby and all that responsibility you know you have to put everything on hold and that's not all about you it's about taking care of a human being itself and what are you doing and how you take care of it you know that's not the whole for me banding issues it's just whoever put that on there to make it a little bit more difficult for me I mean nothing it's comes easy no life specialist is he human being itself for a citizen wants to live their life but if I ever gets out on and have a baby but I don't none of that stuff for that matter what other people are doing it's about me taking care of a child in prayer thing on hold I would not focus on everybody else's problem but a human cuz the world is so toughener and stuff like that I don't understand is adopting kid is more better or a foster kids better or step kids are better that's all good apps on here because not to be rude which one is more better their biological kid or someone else's kid or a step kid you know that's a good question