What's It Like to Be Pressured to Have Kids?
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- Two women in their early '30s have a powerful conversation about their reproductive choices: Lizbeth, married, Mexican American and from a Catholic family, is unsure if she wants kids; while Ann Marie, from a Jamaican family for whom having kids is a given, has one young child, and wants more.? See how each deals with family and cultural expectations when it comes to having kids.
Family Pressure vs. Family Support | Should We Kid or Not? Ep. 1
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"Don't overthink it" WHAT?? What kind of bad advice is that? Motherhood is nothing to be taken lightly.
exhibitjean That’s single mom advice
Exactly stop it
That us if you want to challenge your luck or be a single mom and hon I am neither...
Yeah there's a lot starving children here and a 13 yo marry a 78 men just to afford to eat everyday because her parents didn't 'over thinking' it.
Having a child is the single most thing you should overthink.
I love how open Lizbeth was about her abortion and her feelings about it. I am tired of people expecting women to feel crushed after an abortion.
Me too!!
Exactly! Some women have abortions without wanting them (health reasons for example) and to some women abortion is actually relief!
I agree, if your feelings are strong enough about not having the kid, then it shouldn't be a hard decision.
I support women's right to choose, but if you don't have any emotional reaction to killing off your unborn child, you have serious sociopathic tendencies!
@@arneandersen5891 People abort for different reasons, and they can react however they’d like. They’re not killing an unborn child, it’s a clump of cells. Get off your high horse
All of Lizbeth’s points are valid and relatable. Why does it seem like women with children always try to convince women without kids to have children?? I’m sorry but pregnancy sounds awful,I have no desire to experience that ever
Misery wants company
Because it's a cult/pyramid scheme haha
Tina Snow my thoughts exactly!
For real lol. You have to really have a desire for it to do it. And vice versa. I ain't mad atcha. I just got skipped on that one. I've loved and wanted kids since I was a child. I don't recall my family encouraging me at a young age to think about that. I'm married, 33 and want kids so bad. But thinking of waiting another few years. I keep thinking, "What's the rush?" Why not keep enjoying and doing what I want more often for now... Wondering if there's such thing as a healthy balance. From what I've seen, children have to be somewhat independent before their parent feels that way. Like when a child turns 9.
So true , especially the swollen rrhoids and gutt stretch marks .
I've never wanted to be a Mom. I've thought about it a lot and just realize it's not the right choice for me and that's ok.
I love your videos 😍
Thanks for commenting, I just subscribed and am about to binge watch your videos.
That is totally okay and freeing as hell!!
Glad to see you here! Love your videos :)
"Don't overthink it" really bothered me. Lots of people frankly don't put enough thought into it before having kids! You're bringing a human life into the world and taking on responsibility for it, that is a big deal and you need to put a lot of thought into that decision!
As someone who chose to become a mother and bring 3 children into the world with my husband I find it gross and weird when women with kids borderline shame child free women into thinking their missing out on some magical experience simply because they don’t want to be a parent. I have met awesome women who are the same age as me married without kids, and I would never be bold and rude to tell them they’re missing out or they’ll change their mind 🤦🏽♀️
Thank you
Thank you!
Wow just heard the "Don't overthink it" part. What a terrible, terrible piece of dvice. A child is not a lipgloss you buy impulsivly and toss when you realize that it does not suit your complexion. It is a human being that you are commited to for the rest of your life - especially for the first 18 years. How, HOW can you not overthink that?
She lives in a community type village, where people don't overthink having kids, it's just what you do. Her viewpoint is like that because they don't really consider being a mom as a choice, it's just life, and they also have a lot of support to help them out. If we all lived in a village, and that was the only way of life, then we would all have kids too. She can't relate to the questions the other girl has because her questions are from a free thinking modern point of view from an individualistic society.
This was super cringey to watch. Ann Marie seems really out of touch with the way she casually describes falling into traditional roles of parenting without much conscious thought. Deciding to be a parent should not be undertaken lightly. I completely relate to Lizbeth's concerns about losing a sense of self and falling in line with traditions that are usually very unfair to women.
Some people are trained to be that way through cultural pressure and environment. They are not taught to question things but accept them for how they are. Therefore, she can not relate to anything she says because that is not the culture she grew up in to even think about those things. Everyone around her has kids so nobody is thinking about their sense of self, just following the culture.
@@Sm-ig4rn Yes and to not have kids for them means they may get 'rejected' by the family (very likely), and along with it other supports or just love/validation which are conditional.. If she rebelled she may be completely on her own and that's a difficult thing but also an admirable thing to do if you truly can't be yourself in the family system. So to follow your own path has costs for a lot of women still. Some places it comes down to pure survival...
I personally think overthinking means you’re being realistic. I’m thankful she considers so many choices and possibilities. I hope she makes the right decision for her and her only. They were both such beautiful women ❤️
Lizbeth, you’re wonderful! So glad women out there aren’t taking having children lightly! Do exactly what’s right for you. x
I'm 40 and want to have a family. I had to take care of my parents, so I have yet to meet the right person. If I can't have one naturally, I'll adopt. I just hope the guy I eventually marry and I will be excellent parents.
Shout out to Lizbeth for being honest and open. I totally get where you are coming from. The people telling you to have kids are not the ones who will be there for all the shit parents go through. Just remember misery loves company lool
I so agree with that where you just saying when a parent has to go through a lot with everyone else in it and family members too I just don't know how they could do that and it's nothing wrong with someone has a kid and put on everyone else I don't know if I could do that tell her my sponsor a or someone else what it's my job as a parent I don't want to be to lash it to work for everyone else to take care of two aside selmisery loves company to put on everyone else I just trying to avoid that on my account
If you want kids or not, do you, it's your choice. But I do find it very sad when women say they never thought they had the option to not have kids. These values (not obligations) are engrained into girls from a young age. Let your daughters know they HAVE A CHOICE. And don't judge or pressure them when they don't choose what you want them to. If you want a grandchild then adopt one!
I dont like that Anne Marie basically went into "convincing" mode. "what about if your husband changes his mind?" why should someone else dictate my body. "but when you're kid says mommy your the best it feels great!" yeah because that child literally has no one else to compare you to or any life experience, its the equivalent of your dog thinking your great because you feed them and walk them.
if my husband would change his mind i would let him impregnate someone else,whether he choses divorce or staying with me would be upto him ,,i have learnt and im learning to be content in life and love myself and not seek love from others desperately
I absolutely support any woman who makes the choice to have no children. I think this interview shows the reality that women with children (or women who want children) police women who don't want children. This has been my experience.
The lady with children seems so judgemental
I agree
You should have a kid if you can take care of them and love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Everyone’s always focused on “that’s a mini me!” No. That’s an individual, your kid is their own person!
So true! There's a lot of parents out there having kids for very selfish reasons. Basically treating them like an accessory or a photo prop. It's pretty gross.
Say it louder! I know it's so horrible and disgusting. People believing a child is some mini robot pet of you. Like no, that's just a person, not your property and people suck to do deal with.
Candice Waller YES! I know it's that bad. It makes me furious and I want to yell like argh. In this world no one cares about kids once they're not babies anymore and can't be used as accessories. Once you're 12+ you just get hit with reality. Every reason to have kids is wrong anyways.
When AnnMarie said when the child looks up at you says mommy blah blah I was like yeah that’s not enough lol my decision stands #childfree and happy! (relieved, at peace) lol
Noemi Diop Lol yeah, that's a terrible argument that holds no water for her to say that. You're right I mean the child isn't gonna be a baby forever who just says mommy and acts like a pet. I swear it seems like many people speak of the youth like children do not age past 6
Lizbeth is very intelligent. Anne Marie is gorgeous but little narrow mind. Why the topic of mot having kids is even controversial??? I'm 50 (but look 35 lol) and never wanted kids since I was 5 and never got pregnant!
nycsp I am so with you there, I'm 46 and have never ever wanted kids. I have never regretted my decision... I was put through a lot of pressure from so many people throughout my life and no valid reason was ever put to me to change my mind. I don't like them or enjoy spending time around them, but will do so under sufferance.
nycsp and swedishlina I‘ll be 42 next month and never been pregnant. I think I would die from stress lol. Since I was a very young child I could remember thinking I don’t want kids. LOVE my freedom. I’m married and it’s a choice of mine that is really tested. Because of course once you’re married that is what people expect. I hate how the marriage or family is not considered WHOLE unless there’s a kid. I can’t stand that idea. I have many reasons for not really wanting to have a child. But ultimately when I think about parenthood/parenting I think that sounds really hard! And it’s a big gamble to find out if it’s truly worth it.
Or Elizabeth is very well aware of her and her husband's inner resources and that's why aren't super keen to have kids. And Anne Marie has had good childhood experience, feeling generally happy and has a strong support from her family.. So why not to have a kid.
Or at least this is my experience.
I have always struggled to be happy and healthy. As soon as I get overwhelmed with duties at work, I fell ill and feel miserable mentally. I can't imagine how I could be positive and sustainable caregiver for years. Though, I really love kids and would love my kid to pieces
My own mum basically just told me not to “overthink” motherhood either. Worst advice.
My Mum tells me not to reproduce. In a nice way. And she’s right. I would be a disastrous parent. I’m selfish and I’d resent the child.
It’s nice when you have a lot people around you to help you. It gives you a “village” mentality. Well, unfortunately many parents feel entitled to help. I actually fell out with my best friend because she felt entitled to my help with her child. I was sleeping over at her place and she had a colicky child who literally cried the whole night. I just turned over on my bed in the other room,covered my ears with a pillow and went back to sleep. In the morning she asked me why I didn’t help. Excuse you? The reason I don’t have kids is because I don’t want to take care of them. So if you have one you better know how you’re gonna take care of it and not impose it on other people.
I totally agree. I’ve also seen a lot of mothers be disappointed in their parents because they don’t babysit their children as much as they’d like. Getting help from other people is a privilege. You can’t expect anyone to help you with your own child. That’s your job.
@@CherryJuli I think if you have a huge network of family that is regularly in your life and you know will help out then maybe it's not as stressful. However, in the U.S. for the most part we have the nuclear family mentality and no one has the village mentality here so it's just a different culture where all the responsibilities fall on the parents. The other option is being rich and hiring lots of help.
@@CherryJuli Word is Bond. Raise your own child.
LOL. Excuse you? My friend is always trying to dump her kid with me. Ummmm raise your own kid woman! Don't expect ME or anyone else to do it. You took on the responsibility so handle it!
Good for you Carpe Diem! That’s so rude for someone to EXPECT your help.
“Did you ever consider whether having kids was a choice?” “No. I always wanted to be a mom.” Wanting something and knowing it’s a choice are different things, but that answer is telling.
Her culture does not allow for choice, and being single and alone in her culture is not something positive.
The choice to have kids is a big commitment and a very serious decision. I think people should really want to be a parent before they just have them because it's "the thing to do." Respect to all those that choose to be parents and to those who choose child free. The same decision isn't right for everyone.
I worked with kids and realized how hard it is to look after them. Put me right off having my own. I'd much rather travel.
Yeah there's a lot starving children here and a 13 yo marry a 78 men just to afford to eat everyday because her parents didn't 'over thinking' it. Just saying.
Exactly! Here in Africa we have the same problem, the level of poverty in children is disturbing.
Same thing can happen to people who ''overthink it''.
Agreed. there's over 130 million children or more without a home.
She's just trying to trick her
"Don't overthink it" huh??? That's exactly what you should do! She's painting motherhood as this rose tinted experience. Thank God I'm childfree.
i definitely think that more people shlould overthing before deciding to have kids. and that even more people should decide not to have them. i see bunch of selfish, horrible parents on daily basis, kids that nobody takes care het here we are - dont overthink. girl, youre not buying shoes here, youre emotionally and financially committing for life.
Loved this. I completely identify with Lizbeth and it makes me feel so relieved to know I am not alone.
Same, I think she's the first person I've seen who is sitting on the fence when it comes to this topic.
Same!!
I have two kids and love having them but! honestly I do not encourage other people to have kids
I always wanted them and happy to have them but! common don’t judge others it’s their life.
Why should they ruined their lives just to make the world happy?
I find "Mommy You're the Best" to be a psychological response which fulfills a joy in a parent and the programming of it being normal to hear.
If you want to have a child, you will, period. If you are not sure and have to write a list with pros and cons, you dont want to. Don't don it
Something about Ann Marie annoys the hell out of me...maybe it's her judgmental look, idk. But people like her are the reason why so many women are swayed into having kids thinking everything will be fine. I respect Lizbeth for thinking through this. It's the most important decision in your life and it's ok to say yes, no, or be on the fence. And definitely don't let people like Ann Marie tell you you're "overthinking".
I agree, I think the whole "overthinking" idea comes from the fact that once you have kids, you have no choice but to adapt and therefore you will make things work. That doesn't necessarily mean you will be happy or fulfilled though or it will be worth it.
I am 34 tomorrow and had an abortion at 19. Easily the best decision I have ever made. I’ve never lost sleep over it. I have the greatest life being child free. Sailing, hiking, traveling...SLEEPING IN 😂 I am married and my husband wants children possibly less than I so it really is the best.
I think people kind of forge adoption is also an option. I understand some people want to have the baby in belly experience and what's it like to hold them in your hands after birth. But for me if I ever decided to have a kid in future it's bc I already have a stable career and I'm ready. I don't want them coming from me, I rather adopt bc you're giving anther child a second chance in life when someone before you couldn't provide that for them.
But you realise that for people who do not want kids adoption is not an option for most of them. In the case of my sister she's married to a guy with a son and she isn't even claiming him. My point is child free means child free unless it's childless if so then adoption is an option. For me it's child free, pet free....
not everyone’s journey is to have children, there are so many women who choose not have children and end up benefiting the world. Look at Oprah, no children but all the girls she has sent to school and her humanitarian work...I would say she is a mother of mothers..and for sacrificing that portion of her life she helped many..
Thank you for starting this series. We are sharing it with the members of our childfree community.
@Plamen Stoev Nah... Im childfree until I die...
Thanks so much for sharing this, did you get to see our other film www.tokidornottokid.com?
This is sort of an awkward conversation, but I'm glad that there is a platform for honest and uncomfortable conversations like this. It is so clear how culture and the expectations within that culture impact people's belief systems. There are so many unrealistic and outdated expectations of women even now in 2020- the sad thing is that even women place expectations and judgement on other women around their personal decisions. Having a child shouldn't be taken lightly, it is probably the biggest and most important decision we could ever make as women and we need to respect another woman's right to choose even if you don't personally agree.
If you are not sure if you want kids, dont have them.
I'd rather not be told what to do and not do what others say I should do if it's not what I want.
it's easier if that to say so because I think one of my life though my family members are not accusing them is very strict about it but I don't think it's them they agree with me I'm not ready to have that responsibility my life and kids so I don't know who's on my account. Maybe kind of look like that person when I don't want to child my future I think that's pletely crazy make it hard for me because I don't want to be a mom myself my mom is a big responsibility just a for a human being at talk to her and everyone else it's not easy job I get it I just don't want that it's a bigger cast for everyone to do what's up man don't mind cuz they're just used to it
I am 34 and have 4 children and started very young, my best friend is 41 and doesn't have and has never wanted children. We love each other's viewpoints and respect each other's decisions. She LOVES my children and I love to live vicariously through her freedom of not having children LOL
I’m 26 and feel so much pressure from my husband family. We both don’t see us as parents. His family wants to trick us by saying that they would help with everything and that we would be not that selfish after having them and kids would motivate us. I don’t have career, It’s hard for me to even cook for us, I get bored, irritated by little thing, I have mental problems and I take medicine . I just don’t know how to feel. Please comment and tell me how do you feel about my situation. I feel like it’s crazy world that we live in. So many things can traumatizes your children even if you try your best so many diseases. And at the same time I feel like what if my child can save me and help me become a better person. Help me to stay alive in hard times.
Please don't do it now. You have enough time to think about, for the next 10 years. I will tell you something: my sister was in a similare situation, the family of her husband told her they will actually raise their children, but now, they don't even help (just a little). My mother suffered of depression and other mental illness, that had a huge negativ impact over me. I am now 29 years old, married, but I don't want to have children (at least for the next 5 years but I think I will never want them). It Is such a hard never-ending job, I have some friends (mothers) who openly told me they wish they never had children. Of course there is a positive part, but I think is positive only 10% and negative 90%. However, children don't heal you! Don't do it just for the pressure..you will probably be unhappy after having that child and there is nooo turning back. So for the next 10 years, Just try to figure out what you really want, try to find yourself, to heal yourself and learn to motivate yourself. Don't put this hope in a child. You will be disapointed for sure.
Ami Ella thanks you that you you are telling your opinion , because everyone is telling me that I am wrong. Wish I can have friends like you
I really don't want to tell you what is best for you, but don't let anyone to influence or make the decision. You and only you can decide what Is best for you, and of you are not sure yet, just take all the time you need to figure it out. Nobody is perfect, I am still trying to understand and be kind with my parents and not judge them, because maybe they did their best... But one time, my mom told me she didn't wanted children (or maybe one) but She had 8 children, because of religion and my father who wanted children ( I guess because of religion too). She is still depressed, and I feel sorry for her and maybe guilty because she had to loose so much sleep because of raising children and maybe that had an impact on her mentale health. Now, at 29 years old, I am triyng to not judge my parents, but I am wondering...what if I would have Just a "normal" family... Anyway, try your best to be mentally healthy, try to enjoy life, to understand yourself.... And maybe..after years, if you want I child, you can have it. Wish you all the best! 😊
Plz don't have kids if you don't want them don't let anyone change your mind by saying that they will help or something having kids is big responsibility once you get them there is no more freedom you have to take care of them to teach them etc..... Plus if you get them and you regret it you can't do anything you can't abandon them so plz think about it before doing anything and let people talk cuz it's your life it's you who has to take decision not others
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. You will carry 98% of the burden, stress and depression that comes with it. If you don't want children, do not listen to anyone telling you otherwise, it could be a very big mistake.
OMG Lizbeth is so frikin relatable .
Why are people pressured by other people? Who actually cares if a woman or man wants to have kids or not?
Why is this question only asked to woman, i don't want to be married or have kids
I don't know I have this reaction the moment kids start crying and nagging, I want this headset of sound cancellation. I just can't stand it, it's like hives overtake my body. It's innate, I have always had this. I love silence and quiet, so I doubt I would enjoy being a mom
I don’t find it necessary to have my only purpose in life after college to get wealthy, have a family, and bare children because that isn’t the life I want, and not everyone who does the same was ready to have a family because there’s still abuse.
I wanna live my life learning, traveling, things I love like writing and art which makes me satisfied enough. I wanna live at peace without fitting repeating the same role most women have in my family where the women do most of the work while men have no idea how to take care of themselves.
When I tell my family I’m happy being alone, they believe my mindset would change as I get older so I can satisfy them by passing off the family line down, and as an aromantic bi I find it offensive some believe in this mindset. Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it’ll happen to others
I used to never want kids and when I first got pregnant with my husband we lost our baby at 10 weeks. It was hard emotionally and physically and one year later now and I am 8 months pregnant. Pregnancy isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. After having a missed miscarriage I look at questions of why aren’t you having kids differently. It is very hurtful and very personal.
The more I research childfree and hear perspectives, no kids for me.
The Jamaican’s advice is not 100% bad but it wasn’t good either. Not trying to come off as biased since I am childfree but this is one of those rare moments where overthinking can save you. We’re talking about a permanent irreversible decision that’ll effect you even after they’re grown and out of the house. A parent’s worry doesn’t stop at 18 or when they’re out of the house.
On top of that, I think the Mexican woman should’ve waited for her and her husband to make a solid decision on kids before getting married. If they’re not on the same page, that could eventually lead to a divorce.
I am a person who really wants kids. My entire life I've wanted kids. The main reason is I had very bad parents which makes alot of people not want to have kids. But it's always made me want to have my own kids so I can support and help somebody else in the way my parents didnt, also for a lot of my childhood I raised my siblings while my parents were out drinking so looking after children is always somthing I've felt right doing.
My mom had the exact same reason but I don't think she had me at the right time with the right person... was 'trapped' in a domestic violent relationship, I became her parent, she was severely traumatized from her childhood and cannot empathize with me instead I became her 'therapist' since a very young age. VERY controlling... I no longer do this now because I could not develop my own sense of self. I would say if you had trauma, it is very important to heal from them first as much as possible. I don't think I would be ready as I'm still healing from this.. the trauma tends to get passed down if we don't do the healing work.
I’d rather be honest and true to myself in what I want to do and be in life than break under pressure and expectations to have children. I love reading so many child free woman and women with kids supporting one another ❤️
I feel like women have more pressure than ever to be a mother, maid, chef AND an income provider.
If you don't have a full time job at work and at home than your considered a bad parent or "lazy"
get away from people. then you can live life how you want without worrying about everyones input all the time.
Don’t overthink it???? What?? Lol that’s the worst advice ever , you should absolutely overthink having a human 😂😂
I believe woman who want to have kids should do it because they want to love someone and show their kids the wonders of life and help their kids strive for what they want to be. Also without forgetting that a child will involve great responsibility and ultimately change a woman's life.
As an hispanic 23 year old woman, I have always been told that I should have kids and form a family of my own or else I'll die and be alone when I get old. I find that reasoning really selfish and a security net, a life insurance if I may say. It might be, but that's too selfish for me. Though I believe everyone has the right to have children for different reasons.
Having kids is a double edge sword. You'll either end up with your kids visiting and taking care of you when you're old or you'll end up with kids that'll leave you and or send you to a retirement home. It all depends on how you raised them.
And even then, if you treated your kids right, chances could be that your future kids leave you to die alone. I've been around parents and good people who ended up thrown away by their kids and have died alone. Parenthood is a tricky decision one must not take lightly. There are so many things to think about before taking that decision.
I don't want kids, but if I ever do, it would be because of the reasons stated above, knowing it'll change my life. If I want a kid, it's because I want to love them and help them grow into good people with their own set of goals and dreams such as I have right now. I don't want them to live the childhood I lived through.
I have kids and absolutly agree, its about you giving life and love not leaving a saftey deposit for your future retirement
To add on to parents being thrown into nursing homes or abandon. Sometimes this has nothing to do with the children being malicious. I can tell you that it gets to a point where medical and psychiatric intervention is needed. Most parents that are put in homes are done so with heavy hearts and immense guilt. I really hate the idea that you must take care of your parents when they're old cause so many things need to be in play. Do you have the money, time, and patience it takes to do that? Do you live close by? Can you take care of your ailing parents and yourself or own family at that? Do you have the disposition to handle the cocktail of emotions and stress it will take to care for them at the end of their life? It's just not feasible for some people and often times one person becomes the primary caregiver, usually a female. I think it's nice to take care of those who took care of you, but when you're poor or have little to give it can be impossible. I think every parent should have some sort of end of life care in place so that transitional period can go as smoothly as possible.
but what if it doesn't impact you to have a child telling you "mom u r the best! “ coz u know it is from a biased perspective anyway so it doesn't compensate ALL the sacrifices you are doing in your life for him to exist instead of you being able to exist as much too...
I never wanted to be a mom .... but my mom keeps pressuring me to change my Mind by the time I marry .... my elder sister always wanted to be a mom and she s a mom but for me I always thought that children would get in the way of what I wanna do and I know how selfish I am about myself and im not ready to give up on my stuff for somebody else or accept all the changes in a woman s body from pregnancy ... that s why I don't wanna be a bad parent nor make a kid miserable.... I'm not bad with kids but i don't wanna have someone permanently under my responsibility
Be strong in your own position and desires. Don't bend to pressure.
Not gonna lie, I only clicked because that lady has amazing hair.
The irony of this video is the other woman spends the entire video questioning and attacking Lizbeths decision.
"Don't overthink it"
Is very terrible to say!
Children aren't pets!
Children are very hard to take care of and should be treated seriously.
I love these videos
I wish to find someone with whom not to start a family.
I love Lizbeth for her choice, I live in a Caribbean country where it is expected that because I am a woman I should automatically want kids. I am going to say this and anyone judges me so be it, "I really don't like kids all that much." The fact that in this day and age people seem to think that it is okay to force their way of thinking on another person is so wrong. If I had listened to people when I was younger I would have had 4 kids by now and miserable as hell (possibly have abandoned those kids, I am not ashamed to say it). I know me and what my body and especially my mind can tolerate; nothing irritates me more than kids. Why do something if you know for a fact that you are going to regret it later, no one knows you better than you.
So I should have kids so I can hear them tell me I’m the best and fuel my ego?
Never like kids and was pressured to have them… kinda hard to enjoy it when treating it like my second full time job. Counting my days and minutes for them to move out. I forewarned my kids that they need to be out of my house (or I moved out) once they hit 18. But I think they thought I was joking 🤷🏻♀️
I’m the fun parent, yet him and I are definitely in traditional roles.
My son expresses so much unconditional love for me... life was good before I had him but having had him, despite the difficulties of responsibilities that come with parenting, especially parenting alone, I still believe he's the biggest blessing I could have had. Can't imagine life without him now. The love that I get from him and how I could instill good values into him and make him an asset to society makes life feel very fulfilling. I can understand the panic some may feel over the prospective responsibilities, and I'm not saying it's going to be easy... but it can be very rewarding to have kids. Especially when you grow old and can't do the things that some avoid kids for... having kids and grand kids adds colour to ones life then.
Not all lives are blessed by having children. Not all children are blessed by being born. I have known women whose children were not a blessing because they were incapable of being a good mother. In turn, their poor parenting cursed the life of their child. For that child, lifelong emotional and spiritual devastation was their mother's "gift". Please consider that not all women or men grow in the role of being parents.
Okay but thats temporary. They have no one else to compare their emotions to. When they are older are you going to get mad at them for not bathing mommy in love
I am a proud dead end. No biological children for me.
Lizbeth looks like the former Kylie Jenner
The whole village comment is so true. Not to dump your kids on others but just so they feel support from other family members. It’s such an emotional load off your shoulders when you’re not at your best and you feel like you’re letting your baby down but they get a call or visit of their own from one of their grandparents or aunts or uncles. I always hated having people around and now I love that they love my baby. It makes me happy that he has a community. It has inspired me to reach out to family and be more involved and to one day be the matriarch that keeps the family together so that there’s always a network of support.
I actually related here bc I’m also Mexican and never wanted to learn any domestic duties such as cooking and hated the idea of having children. The women never stopped and the men had all afternoon and weekends to relax bc they provided. I hated seeing the women eating at the stove in the kitchen while they tended to the men at the table. I insisted on sitting with them always and eating first as well. I learned to fix things around the house, change the oil and tires, and such just so that I could beat my dad to it... and had a very smug attitude about it so as to bother him lol! I hated the men first culture. I rejected it. And I wanted nothing to do with babies! That was how you went from being a person to just a baby maker, baby carer forever *shudders*
Anyway so I got pregnant and had a baby and daddy is amazing (better mommy than me for the first two years 😝) I came around and exercised the underdeveloped, shriveled up maternal instincts I found shoved away under the nail of my pinky toe and all is well 😊 I feel lucky to have who I have around me.
I don’t believe anyone needs to procreate but if you do, nature and biology will trick you into believing it’s beautiful so no worries LOL. And just as well, if you don’t, you won’t miss what you don’t know. Anything goes. My only advice is to make your decision and don’t waste your time on what if’s or regrets. The alternate does not exist and you only have right now to make the best of ☺️
Don't overthink it??? Wth? Do you know how easy it is to fuck up as a parent?
Very. And it has awful consequences on the individual. Parenthood is not something to be taken lightly and that's one of the many reasons I don't want it. My parents f-ed me up.
I think the overthinking thing is said because once you have kids, you adapt your life to it, and things fall into place in a way. For example, let's say you are overthinking how you are going to fit a baby in your apartment, and that you need to upgrade. Then you have a kid, and you realize your room is fine and you don't really need to spend that much money. However, I think she can not relate to the questions that she claims she is "overthinking" about because these questions are not really relatable to someone from her culture. Everyone around her just has kids, like if you lived in a village, and that's the only type of life you knew, then you wouldn't question it.
I love lizbeth... She is so genuine, real mature.. Thoughtful .. Not manipulative like Ann Marie
Annemarie had her child when she was 29 30 and some would consider that a late age... So she should ease up a lil... Number 2 how did she not get pregnant through her years of being a young adult before turning 30 some ppl would assume that maybe she has been pregnant before ... She should relax bcuz I'm pretty sure she was on birth control ..
I said kids come first but I think both comes first because the parent has to be in the kid's life both ways matter actually and any other human beings persons problems would it matter when they're together when comes to a single person to make decision because when you get older that you will come first cuz you were a human being but the kid comes first but a parent have to come with it too with that 100% because it's a caretaker for a child and a parent is willing to take care of their self they're really have to take care of the baby to be in that human thing forever
I'm 13 and will definitely never have kids
The feeling you get from your parent(s) that your only valuable purpose on earth is to give birth to more humans and nothing else is very sad (oh and taking care of them).
No one ever pressured me to have kids. If anything, I was expected not have kids, lol. I kinda wonder if I would've brought a prophet of God into this world or a wise man that would subdue the heathen. I am so glad that I never had a child though, it's kinda strange to spawn in such an evil era of human traffic. Pray for those that have children and help them out if you can.
"And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!" Mathew 24:19
a mother could work and sport the baby and the Gap to work to get off the right time to ask work the kid so it's not just a stay-at-home parent cuz I don't with first I worked with before I get off the right time to take care of the baby both ways have to do it to work to trial and get off the right now cuz it goes to school in Chile it's the whole effort who's pitching in that's old values this is new values I feel like this talkin about this whole parenting it's back in those days not this generation it's weird
You like the other guy out saying so more of the other one and she loved the other guy what they're saying so so badly there's a guy car looks like me with my haircut it has kids and it's starting to scare me my hair is cut exactly like that but I don't see myself having a child either I like the other one more better if I have kids of my own and drop off my kid but I doubt you know when they have kids there only have rights to take care of their own purse pouch I can't do that but I just feel like I like the other y'all better because it's more positive
I hope the following doesn't offend too many people: Often, I hear that women didn't have a choice to consider the option of being child free. While it is partly true that our environment has an influence on us, it doesn't mean the influence can take over us. We can't blame things on our environment only because we were born with the ability to explore things ourselves. This might not represent families where there's hardcore manipulation going on (sects, overly religious environment, extreme independence on parents as care givers etc.) but that's not the case with the majority of a population. We keep on buying the narrative that us women are the victims of our environment but we're not. We need to be more active ourselves. When you feel like you are not the image of a typical woman model, explore the reasons for it and then you'll be able to find people who share the same experience. The act of thinking for your own self is rarely used. I grew up in a conservative Christian household and I explored many things myself because I had access to the internet. As a child, I never had a concept of gender roles. To me, men and women seemed to be simply men and women. I played with dolls and yet it didn't influence me into wanting children. As a teen, I was against having children because I disliked the idea of birth . In my 20s, I questioned my beliefs from my teen years and discovered while yes, my parents did portray a certain image of women and what women should do but they didn't dictate it. Otherwise I would have turned out just like them, which I didn't. At 26, I am opening up to the possibility of having children because I spent a lot of time with my nephews and discovered myself that in fact, I don't dislike children as much as I used to and that birth is something I have control over. Please stop trying to force ideas on children, no matter which ones. They have to develop the ability to think for themselves.
Marriage , children , BORING !!!! Way too old fashioned crap , next thing they will want , is for us to go around in a horse and buggy .
I dont want to birth a human being to tell me that I am the best I allready know that I am the best 😉😉.
Annemarie being judgemental as a single unmarried active christian mum, typical island hypocrite.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I wish they talk about the pressure of being an only female child :(
It's your choice, and people shouldn't have to feel bad for not wanting a child. Kids are a blessing, but I don't want a kid.
Can we have a different thats never done video? How about interviewing men and their sincere thoughts on their babies being aborted. Its their seed and energy too. what runs thru their minds? Do they care? Do they not? Do they wish they kept it but didnt speak up? Are they happy they didnt?
How come no ones every done a vid like that. Give us something fresh
Argh what if your kids hate you for no reason?
You’re NOT a Catholic
Having kids is so selfish. Chances are they wont reach 30.