r/AITA My White Friend: "Black People Can Only Date Black People"
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
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0:00 Intro
0:09 Assigned bridesmaid
4:32 Crazy MIL
8:36 Salary talk
11:30 Bullying punishment
13:34 Insane bachelor party
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Story 2 has an update. Basically, she realizes that her fiancé is always going to back his mother-right or wrong. She breaks off the engagement, dumps him. I think she also sent the pics out to a group chat.
This would've been my suggestion. Post the pics anyway 😄 Did she get the money back, though?
Oh I hope so! I would :D
She got her 3000 back as well and gave the dress to the ex!
Thanks for the update!
i just viewed the post and there was no such update..
I love when racists get called out.
Edit: Damn, TWO racists?! Glad OP shut that down quickly with Sam. Hope her victim has a better future at the other school.
Reminds me of that dude who was like "date your own kind" and ended up DMing the BF in a oversexualized way that would let one suggest he said "your own kind" as in "between dudes" and not regarding races.
I could tell two things about the whole ordeal.
1. There is a possibility that, during the planning for the wedding, Kelly saw the profile of OP and liked him, hence she asked Liz to pair the two together. It is a possibility, especially because of the way Kelly acted towards OP. This doesn't necessarily make Liz a racist, more likely someone who wanted to help a friend hook up.
2. Kelly literally said in front of everyone that OP has "fetish for white women".
Now that is openly racist and there is no excuse for it whatsoever.
@@hiroshi7025I was reminded of that recent debacle with that extremely racist black woman who didn't want her sister to date a white guy,
referred to white people as cave dwellers
Said one of her public posts that she'd make sure she screwed up the relationship for them
Posted text screenshots of her asking her boyfriend to bring his guns to sort out the guy, (from what I saw of them he might have been as equally racist about it)
And even when people complained she said that it doesn't matter because noone could get her fired for her opinions on white people
And on top of all that she was basically posting stuff saying she's proud to be racist
The first guy that I went out with ended up breaking up with me because I was two years older than him and not white. I was okay for a fling, but not for a serious relationship. I'm half Japanese.
@@n4b1k1 I've never understood why people use race as a deal-breaker
Like I've never imagined breaking up with someone or refusing to date them just because they happen to be black, brown or Asian or half
If anything I'd love being able to learn more about their life and culture and language, I am trying to learn a few now tbf
Racially bullying someone to an extent that she has to switch schools could have also ended with a life taken
Throw the whole bully away. There is no such thing as a “reformed bully”. They just get older & get better at hiding their true self.
@oceanofgaming honestly that’s exactly where I was afraid this was going.
@@FigmentForeverthats a depressing outlook on life. People change often
@@FigmentForevercompletely ignoring the fact that people change, ESPECIALLY children and teenagers. Also considering teenagers are inherently narcissistic and slightly psychotic, this isn’t acceptable behaviour but it’s not exactly unheard of. But people aren’t who they were as teenagers especially with the right guidance
@@FigmentForeverThat is just not true.
He should not feel bad for leaving. Kelly's behavior is disgusting.
As well as Liz and his friend for not putting more of a halt to their plan
"Fetish for white people"? Jesus, I thought Liz was a nut.
He did it in the politest way possible, too.
@@THEDubbleHelixx Clearly OP owes Kelly a life-long marriage you see.
I feel like they talked up op to Kelly
She doesn't need a new dress. She needs a new man.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Throw the whole set of in-laws and fiancé in the trash.
At least after the breakup, OP's ex will have more time to spend with his real true love. His mom
Op indeed left the idiot and hope the ex dont end up happy
@@ahstiasummers5583sweet home Alabama
Story 1: All you did was talk and dance with another bridesmaid, you didn't even ask her out. You don't owe anyone anything, and if that was enough to ruin the wedding then the focus was way off. Being black is not a reason to date someone.
Either she's one of those serious activists who does racist things, thinking she's actually doing a good thing (aka thinking only black people should be with black people because white people are evil) or she's just plain racist.
Don't say that on Twitter. They'll go apeshit when you bring in common sense.
@Devilsblight86 this is why X is the mess it is now
@@pokemaster1725Twitter*
I would expect many guests to dance with other guests.
Burh ditch the mommy's boy.
You can't trust men or women who value their parents more than their spouse, a person they literally CHOSE to start this new family with.
especially if these men or women wants their parents to wear the wedding dress or the grooms suit, this is creepy af
Ehhh, if your parents are good parents, I'd say they can be valued just as much as your spouse. It's just that in this case, his mother was so painfully in the wrong and yet he not only took her side, but agreed to be her accomplice.
If the people in your life are good, there should almost never be a situation where you're being forced to choose between them to begin with. Even if they don't get along with each other, if they respect YOU, serious problems should be rare.
@@davidweaver4436 I'd say if they were good parents then they can be held CLOSE to your partner but never above and never equal. You don't get to choose the people you are born with but you do get to choose who you love and build a family with.
It's completely disrespectful to that person to disregard them simply because of mommy or daddy. Unless your partner is abusive, they are ABOVE your blood-related family
@@JHyde-tv3if If you're disregarding someone, then that's you being the problem. If someone is constantly asking you to disregard someone else... well you have some reevaluating to do, don't you? I just don't like assigning arbitrary value to the people in my life. If you're constantly being force to pick between them, then one of them is the problem, and your SO isn't magically immune from being the problem.
You should be able to evaluate each conflict as it happens, and like I said, if those conflicts are happening regularly, you need to sit down and think about why, because they shouldn't be.
@@davidweaver4436, a _lot_ of men see their SO as magically immune from being the problem. This is why a lot of men find themselves to be very lonely if/when their SO decides _they_ are the problem and divorce them.
The only thing I would say about the bully story is that the daughter should be allowed to save her photos before deleting her Instagram. But other than that, the punishment fits
No she shouldn't I will make my daughter delete her photos to
This. For a lot of people anymore, an IG account is akin to a scrapbook. Let her save the images.
@javontebrown2099 your daughter would hate you
@@tully6648so are the memories you make in highschool and she decided to ruin someone else "scrapbook" so she should get hers ruined too
@@demonicdragongod3334no, there’s a difference. That’s needlessly cruel.
And besides, all those pictures on her phone will slow it up good. Too bad she’s not getting the upgrade now.
Story 3 - If you don't want to be called a nosy b*tch, stop acting like a nosy b*tch
How hard is it for Kelly to accept no means no. Also love them being called out for their rasicm
Yup, she will always be #2 to him in that family.
* their *
For women, a no from a man usually means a "hard yes". If roles were reversed though...
@@bonedeth925 thanks I've always had issues with those 2
@@madding1602Actually, no from women also mean no. Otherwise, they wouldn't be saying no, right?
My "non-apology" would have been "I'm sorry for your lack of foresight and judgement." 😂
Or " I am sorry that someone finally shut you up and made you realize to stop asking so many invasive questions"...
Story 4: I’m a 24 year old black male and I was racially bullied throughout secondary school (I’m British). I can tell you from this isn’t something that can be rectified with some small slap on the wrist type punishment especially at that age. Just as good as getting away with it. Plus racial bullying to the point of leaving school is some traumatic, scarring stuff which stays with you for a while. I finished school 6 years ago and I still feel the pain. Didn’t even attend my 5 year anniversary because of it. Moral of the story: Don’t bully people and punish those who do severely.
💜💜💜
I feel you, dude. I had to change schools multiple times because of bullies due to autism and ADHD not being recognised back then. There's nothing else like being told you're inferior and wrong for the way you were born.
(HUG)
Problem with this is that teachers don't do anything about the racial bullying, let alone bullying.
But when the victims harms themselves, commits a suicide or being THREATENED by the victims' does the teachers SUDDENLY becomes interested in the bullying problems and "Tries" to stop this.
They're only doing this so they can save face, protect the school's reputation or both! Some teachers CLEARLY chooses reputations and jobs over the safety of their students, and that's a sad fact.
@@CooperGal24Decades ago the FBI released a report on school shootings. A major factor was faculty not addressing bullying. Students left to find their own solutions often turn to violence, either against themselves, the bullies, or the school in general.
That is unfortunately the typical "adult" responce to bullies. Let them get away with it, then punish the victim if they ever fight back.
I would suggest a lot of these racists are too far gone. No amount of punishment or "sensitivity training" (or whatever bullshit HR have come up with) will change that. The only way to adequately deal with this sort of thing is to expel them, if they're school bullies. Or sack them, if they're in some position of power over others.
For the fourth story, I’d say let her keep a social so she can see the pics of everyone at prom and home coming
My thoughts were to preserve the photos but she did ruin her victims high school experience and so for her to complain about one time experiences after ruining their entire high school It's just hypocritical.
She probably used her social to do the bullying.
Make her private and/or deactivate the socials, change the passwords, and she can have them back when she turns 18. Also, yes, if she used the socials to bully, she should be forced to delete those comments and/or apologize on those threads.
Story 4: this is the sort of punishment I DREAM my bullies would get, I know it wouldn’t be classed as deserved but it’d feel like they finally had consequences past a teacher talking to them.
One of my bullies from HS got drunk and parked on some train tracks the day of graduation. No one but he was injured/merc’d but it’s nice when the 🗑️ takes itself out.
@@FigmentForever it really is.
@@FigmentForever- Idk man I almost feel bad 😭
Bullying is horrible - I’ve been through it - but dying in a train accident? I nearly did so that struck a personal cord in me, so maybe that’s why I reacted so much to your comment- it’s very hard to survive a train accident…
Ah well, as you said; trash takes itself out.
Second Story: NTA. "Apologize to his mom" ? Quitting the group chat and logging out of Facebook for a month is weird, and deleting the photo and copies I can sorta understand, but what is there to apologize for? For not letting her wear the wedding dress? Are you sure you want to marry this douchebag? Run for the damn hills and dont look back!
I think just nuke the bridge at this point, considering how the fiance is still defending dear old Mom. Send the photo to EVERYONE.
As a black/native woman, I'd like to weigh in on this. I always thought this 'no race mixing' was stupid as I myself am mixed race. I'll never understand it. I'll never forget when an friend of mine when we were in highschool didn't know that a guy who happened to be black and a good friend of mine had a crush on her (she is white). He simply asked me to find out if she was 'talking' to someone so he could ask her out out a date if not. Mine you me and this girl has been friends for 3 years at this point and not only that she is pansexual. I go to her at the carport trying to butter her up to ask and make a joke.
"Hey I know you like Asian guys, but would you ever date a black guy?"
She then turns to me with pure, unfiltered disgust and says word for word.
"Ew, why would I want to have kids with a black person?!"
I just stared at for a bit. All I could think is 'girl, what the fuck do you mean? Who mentioned kids? And why would it matter? I've let you hand out with my young black siblings...what are you implying about black children and me...?'. I then said.
"Why would it matter?"
With disgust again she says.
"I only like white and asian guys"
"So you would only have a white or half asian child?"
"Yes"
I made up my mind then that our friendship was over. We lived in the South and we still have an active KKK here and having a friend like that actively puts my life in danger. Like the hatred in her eyes when she said I thought I was talking to some evil clone of my friend.Mind you though I do not agree with racial preferences I've always thought a reference based on race or skin color was weird I do not say anything to other people about because it's not my place. But the thing I knew for fact she was an Asian fetishist , she was one of those obsessed K-Pop girls that would really only date white guys to keep herself 'pure' unless a attractive Asian guy asked her out. Anyway, I went back to my friend and just told him she was interested in someone else. I felt so sad when he walked away with sad puppy dog eyes. I didn't have the heart to tell him what she really said. Funny thing she slept with a Asian guy later and then he ghosted her after highschool, because he knew what kinda person she was but he just wanted to get his rocks off before he left.
Years later me and that girl met up in college and became friends again. She explained she had racist parents that had filled her head up with lies about black people and apologized for what she said. She even had a crush on a black guy at our school and wanted me to her wingman. I was and despite all my efforts on the day she though he was going to confess his feelings to her he then said.
"I think I have feelings for (insert my name) but I know she has a boyfriend"
Mind you, He knew her for a 6 months and only knew me from 2 conversations we had over the course of 2 weeks. She cried for weeks. I felt bad but not too bad. I've always seen it as her Karma for saying that crazy nonsense to me. I know she had racist but somethings are just common sense. But she's a good person now and we picked up our friendship where it left off. She found she is poly and is living a great life.
PSA over: Don't be racist people, it's okay to have a race preference (I guess?) but don't base that preference off racial stereotypes and treat your preference and others with respect. You don't gotta like everybody but remember not everybody has got to like you. Respect is earned ad you will lose many people acting like a racist idiot.
I think it's ok to have a race preference if you're not rude about it. Tbh I'll date any race.
Aesthetics tend to play a huge role in attraction.
You might be a great person, and we could be best friends; but if there's no physical reaction, there's nothing to be done about that. Doesn't mean I hate you.
You could be the sweetest, juiciest plum on the tree; you'll still meet people who prefer peaches.
What the difference between being racist and having a race preference ?
@@davesaylor7829 I get what you are saying. But like I said I don't get but I don't tell other people how to live their lives, as long as they aren't racist about it I'm good. I find every race attractive personally because they just are. I love the differences in features, skintones, aestetics, and cultures. People are beautiful to me. But even I have my preferences they just aren't race, clothing, culture, or bodytype related. I do have a personality preferences though. I like a guy with whose good person in and out, like Mr. Rogers level good. I'm attracted to good hearted, emotionally mature, intelligent people. So guess I have a personality aesthetic preference I guess.
@MadMachoMexican Racism would be showing disgust. A preference is showing disinterest.
Story 1: Trying to decide who is and isn't allowed to interact with each other at a wedding (or any event) even without the racial connotations is some messed up and uber controlling behavior. You can control who you invite but not who they interact with.
There is update to last story: If you were hoping for more fuckery you will be sorely disappointed. My father and husband had a talk with several of the miscreants that would be attending the wedding and put the fear of, if not God, then at least them into the children.
We found someone to sing The Rose and my husband stepped in as a groomsman. As I commented I did apologize to my sister for my insensitive snort and comment and I was her matron of honor. We also got a couple of girls to fill in for the missing bridesmaids.
The wedding went off beautifully and when everything was said and done the only real consequences are one divorce that was probably going to happen anyway, one arrest that will be plead to a misdemeanor most likely, and one pair of underwear, one sock and a pair of jeans.
Maybe the bride was intentionally naïve about how her friends were. "They wouldn't f up my wedding would they?" Ha ha, yes. Yes they would. Not on purpose, but hey, booze, drugs, a strip club and a private limo, amirite?
@@bonemar66Well I mean, with this particular setup, what does she expect from these people? Not to party hard?
@@bonemar66one part that's not mentioned in the official update, but was in the comments was the whole group had a sexual past together lol
My parents banned me from going to prom for failing math. What that girl did was way worse than that.
"youre literally the same color"
Hey Liz, theyre people, not socks.
Last story: That group of people probably could have done a joint bachelor/bachelorette party just not at a strip club.
I was gonna say the same thing. The strip club part is the problem here. Not the joint party.
If you read the comments made by OP then the party was doomed to fail because of the people involved and drugs rather than anything else. It’s honestly hilarious how horrible it was bound to be from the get go.
@@traiton6653Yeah, this seemed like a toxic brew of people-and substances-that could make a church picnic fly off the rails!
Story 2: NTA. Also you really should reconsider marrying that moma's boy
I’ve heard this story on other forums and keep hoping for an update which OP shows the pic and calls off the wedding
Story 3: While I am am advocate for discussion of salary with coworkers, I am also respectful of people's privacy, and am not going to push a no.
Now people can invade others' privacy but you can't defend yourself. We're truly living in the era of the weak and whiney.
@@ElleD308The victim is king.
There is a difference between coworkers discussing their wages to see if there is equal pay between people and expecting somebody to say how much they have in their bank account or how much a spouse makes.
@@3xavior17 sounds more like she was husband-shopping. Maybe she thought it was time rich hubby needed a new younger wife and asked specifically about his salary to see if the pursuit would be worth it 😂
@@3xavior17 That is what I meant, but I see the miscommunication. That's my bad.
Story 2: sounds like emotional incest. Looks like the (hopefully) Ex-fiancé more interested in marrying his mom than OP
story 4- i 100% agree but i think that it might even be better to take away everything but let her go to senior prom if she buys her own dress, tickets, gets her own ride there, and basically make her work to have her “once in a life time experience” so she can struggle to get that experience just like she made that girl struggle to enjoy her once in a lifetime experience of highschool. plus having an entry level job might teach her what it feels like to be bullied
GAH!!! SERIOUSLY NEED AN UPDATE FOR THIS BULLYING STORY!!! Need to REEEEEEEAAAALLY sus out the ringleader of that group
Story 2: my guess is they either want to do damage control because they said something they shouldn't have, or to make sure no one will be on you side if you tell them what happened they have a month to make you look bad. So here's a new plan, he pays for the dress upfront, and you don't use the picture and that BS list of demands in your expiation to why the wedding is off.
Edit to add: one more thing, if what they did was okay they shouldn't be this desperate to get you to delete the photo. People really believe guilt-tripping is better than admitting you're wrong, it's sad.
If it’s not a big deal, why’d he try to keep OP from seeing it?
I think that Opie should agree to the list, do as the list suggests except for the one-month post, and then post the photo of the list to Facebook instead :-)
That FMIL sounds like she has a real fetish for wedding dresses. Like putting somebody else's on has some sort of weird feel of intimacy or closeness with somebody else. OP is NTA for treating the situation like it was a physical invasion of her property. I'd be demanding a replacement for the dress if I were in OP's shoes.
If the fiancé has married brothers, wonder how many of those dresses MIL has been trying on, before the weddings.
If he has sisters, did MIL try their dresses?
Or is it just her "little baby's" wife to be, that is "a threat", and MIL needing to pizz of the teritory?
There might be an Oedipus complex at play here to be entirely honest, wouldn't be terribly surprised. Especially with how he sides with his mother
@@bobbywamsley4828 I definitely got some emotinal incest vibes from it, as well.
Yes, it was really weird with the obsession. The FMIL was like a kid that can't wait to unpack the christmas gifts and looks for them everywhere in the house and unpack other people's gifts cause they just NEED to know what's in them.
Story 2: MIL *IS* being an enemy here. She is pestering OP and wearing a dress that doesn't belong to her.
And the fiancé is even worse. He's siding so much with his A-hole of a mom that he's willing to try to guilt OP and make sure OP can't expose MIL for her crap.
I remember this story. Something EXTREMELY creepy is going on. I'm from a culture where it's normal to allow other people to wear your wedding dress, and it's still creepy. Here brides will often allow young single girls to try the dress on, supposedly it will bring good luck and attract a good man for them (you know, stupid tradition stuff). I'd be extremely icked if my boyfriend was helping his mom get into my dress, and would be running tf away from this shit.
Maybe the fiancé had some unresolved “issues” revolving around his mom in a wedding dress
@@bibigamer502hahahaha. Maybe he wants to be sure he sends a copy to himself before it gets deleted forever
op being put off from wearing the dress just because someone else wearing it is just weird if she destroyed the dress it would be one thing but its not she shouldn't be asking for money over it
@@chronobretz9511 If you don't know what DARVO is, look it up. It's very helpful to be able to recognize one of the most extreme and common forms of gaslighting. The fiance and his mom both went instant DARVO. This is something abusers and narcissists do.
So i grew up a nerdy black girl. And people would always try to pair me with black men but because i was super punky and into anime and junk i usually got along with nerdy gamer white guys and they typically were my friend group. I found plenty of black men attractive but never found one where i lived who got along with my interests and philosophical thoughts and rants. ended up marrying my high school sweetheart and we watch pokemon and play games with our birracial children.
Not the A-hole. People should get together based on commonalities not race. That in its self is r@cist.
Hello fellow Pokemon fan
@@marjoriejohnston4905 Hello! Have a lovely Eevee-ning 😅❤️
*ahem* I'll see myself out 🤣
Commenting on second story; before Rslash's commentary and judgement, my thoughts were, "dump him and mail the wedding dress to his mom since she and future ex are that attached". I started laughing when Rslash pretty much said the same thing! 😂
Seriously, though, fiance should be an ex- if he's that clingy to his mom, then they deserve each other, and they can have the wedding of their dreams on their own. Mommy gets her "new" wedding dress, baby boy gets to keep mommy in his life.
Edited to Add: Heard the update- fiance has raised so many red flags in his requests (demands), I'm starting to hear the Soviet Union national anthem playing in the background. 😅
5th story, the exact same thing happen when my mom and dad were younger. They were the only couple still together by the end of the night. If you're gonna get pissed that your partner is going to pay attention to strippers, wtf would you go together?
Liz is an adult. The age gap isn't even that far, OP should not feel bad. Kelly should feel bad because Kelly ruined her own day. Her weird biases about what one person in her wedding partys preferences are, shouldn't have destroyed her whole day.
Story 3 :”She was crying and left early” - so it’s okay for her to do it to OP but OP can’t do it to her. She seriously needs to grow up. You can’t insult someone and expect them not to insult you back.
And plus, why tf was she crying? She literally had no reason to she dished it out first so OP threw it back now she’s all in tears? Honey, get real 💀
OP get 0/5
The coworker gets like 2/5
I will give the sister in the last story some credit
She got several people to see their partner’s shitty behavior and ended toxic relationships despite not doing it intentionally
So I guess there’s SOME good that come out of it 🤷♂️
Story 1: it’s like when people meet their second gay person and immediately try to set them up with the other gay person they know, despite there not being ANY reason to do that 😂 Kelly needs to make more Black friends and get away from those toxic girl friends.
I’ll just copy and paste my comment that I 1st left on the bullying post, when I read it:
“I NEEED Instagram, cause the photos aren’t saved anywhere 😭😭“…
That’s about the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard… no way there’s a single teen who’s active on social media that doesn’t know how to make a screenshot! You don’t have the pictures saved? Well, then DO SO before deleting your account…
She so does NOT regret what she did and deserves the punishment.
Like I kind of get the arguments against prom and homecoming. Those are once in a lifetime events. But like, save the photos to your phone, buy a flash drive, and save them their. It's not hard.
1st story Kelly is out of her mind for crying over a guy she just met. 🤦♀️ can you say delulu lol.
2nd story giiiiiirl run don't look back just run n block them from everything.
Kelly not understanding no and being so upset with OP when he was direct makes her look unstable.
Jesus Christ on a motorbike
Are you a Charlotte Dobre fan too?
@@truthseeker9249 Sorry no
First Story, NTA: Um, there's this thing called having a preference. Also, the fact that Liz "assigned" OP Kelly as a bridesmaide because they were both black is wild. The fact that Liz saw OP being interested in Jen (a white woman) as a "fetish" speaks volume of how out of touch from reality Liz is in
Second Story, NTA: This is not normal in the slightest. Never have I heard of a MIL testing out the wedding dress before the actual bride wears it. The fact she went behind OP's back and wore the dress when OP told her no multiple times is crazy. Also, OP's fiancé is an asshole too for going behind OP's back and letting his mom wear the wedding dress. Lmaooo that update is hilarious, especially the "apologize to his mom" condition. OP is the victim, HIS MOM should be apologizing to OP. This man is a red flag and clearly haven’t left the nest yet
Third Story, NTA: The thing is: she is being a nosy bitch. OP tried multiple times to give her a vague answer politely but she kept on insisting until OP reached her patience limit. No one is obligated to tell anyone anything and this woman wouldn’t accept the polite refusal so she got the rude one
Fourth Story, NTA: This punishment 100% fits the crime. Sam bullied someone (racially targeted too) to the point the girl switched schools. The fact that the grandparents are claiming the punishment is "too far" is mind boggling.
This. I have trauma surrounding my race(I'm white) I have decided I'm not interested in my race romantically anymore
And what’s going on with Kelly? Not only can she not take no for an answer but jumps to wild conclusions when OP hangs out with another person.
Kelly said about it being a fetish, not Liz. I think Liz assigned them simply because Kelly fancied OP and she wanted to make something happen. Everything else seems to just stem from Kelly freaking out about not being someone's type.
@@wendyokoopa7048 So, trauma made you a racist?
@@ManlyStumpKelly said it was a fetish? My bad
This sounds like the episode from South Park when Eric tried paring token up with the new girl in school and there both black and Eric kept saying it’s the only reason for them to be together
Hey atleast cartoon did a really good job and trying to do that for them XD
😭I was literally js thinking that but at least they liked each other kinda
The bullying story.
NTA. Actions = Consiquence. Good on OP for letting his daighter that her actions were not going to go unpunished.
Story 5: Honestly, I do wonder how they thought that holding a joint party at a *strip club* was a good idea. Like, did they think that nobody was going to go nuts over the dancers or something?
To make it better (heard the story on a pod cast and they read OPs comments) the whole group had a history with each other that in college they swapped partners and so on
Within the night of the club the wife of the person arrested "came out" by hooking up with another braidsmaid in the limo when her husband was outside and locked out
No one knew about things prior and they were all surprised but still held the husband back as he wanted to go at her
The crowd around being drunk and so on didn't help a bit XD they enjoyed the show
Oh! And OP and her husband were there and each were responsible to watch the sister and her husband so they don't do anything stupid
Ya never understood wedding parties at strip clubs
The first story is a classic case of racism. Also, "a fetish for white woman"??? What kind of realm of thought were they thinking in? That is just weird. NTA Op.
Story Two: That MIL has no consideration for boundaries and OP's fiancee didn't even protect her. Also that update makes it so much. OP, get out of there gal. Easy NTA.
Story Three: Don't be nosey people. No means no.
Story Four: Op, good on you for not enabling your daughter's behavior like most parents on Reddit stories.
Story Five: Sure it was a bit mean, but I think it was justified given what happened at that party.
Well you bet that OP in 4th story will cry on reddit for advice while his daughter is not talking to him and why he cant see his grandchildren and what did he do wrong. While what she did was disgusting and deserves a punishment, punishment should be educational, not punitive. This is why Scandinavian prison system works, unlike the American one.
For story one, I am a small white girl. As far as attractiveness goes, nothing to do with personality, I find large black women extremely attractive. My friends say that this is not a fetish because I'd see that as a bonus in a relationship, not a criterion. Getting on with someone of a different race is a fetish now?
i have a small theory that racists are spreading the idea that being attracted to someone of a different race then you is you fetishizing that race. its projection, because they don't see other races as equal to their race and being attracted to another race is fetishizing, aka reducing the subject of attraction to just a sex object.
When people ask you inappropriate or personal questions about topics that you don’t want to share information about the best response is, “why do you want to know?” That shuts them down every time.
Oh MAN that update to the second story was wild! Some great petty/pro (not sure which category is better) revenge would have been to break up with her fiancé and then explain why in the family group chat by sending the pic. This isn’t just about the dress. A boundary was set and they both tread right over it AND tried to cover it up by controlling what she does on her phone and social media. Run, OP!
Story 2: the story was already bad, but the update…. Girl, dump him and sell the ring to make up for the cost of the dress or sue them in small claims if the dress is damaged.
Last story: I agree with OP that drinking, drugging, stripping, and bachelorette/bachelor party combining is a recipe for disaster.
On the other hand, her sister did everyone a favor. I rather know my partner is a cheater than waste another day living a lie.
Story 3: So because you didn't cry like a baby what she said to you is okay, but calling her a b*tch was mean? You're not wrong at all, she's old enough to know it's rude to ask that kind of question to a co-worker, and even worse to keep digging after being told no, it's not your info to Share any.
Story 2: Run the hell away from your fiance and his family. This is not something new for her to do, and your fiance did nothing to stop it. RUN!
To the second story...if the mom wants to wear a wedding dress...then she can go to a bridal boutique and try on as many dresses as they want...
Yep - she could say it's for her wedding or vow renewal.
You see, that’s not enough because mommy is in love with her son and wants to be the bride. Not a bride, HIS bride
So wait, he let his mom try on the wedding dress meant for his fiance, then when she gets mad he goes running over to his mommy's house but then he decides to try to punish his fiance like he's her dad by grounding her from social media for a month, what the heck is wrong with him.
32 and 25 is too old/young? What a lousy excuse, could understand it maybe if it was like 20 and 50 and even then it's really none of their business beyond the wedding.
2nd story the MIL should have to pay money and OP should drop out of the wedding.
Story 4: homecoming is at the beginning of the school year and prom is at the end. I’d definitely remove the car from her future, and homecoming is out of the question. I would tell her prom is on thin ice, and she needs to make efforts to genuinely become a better person to earn that privilege - obviously I’d get into more detail about how I’d expect her to do that, it would DEFINITELY include volunteer work and trips to Black history museums.
Story 2: I don't understand how putting a dress on ruins it, but the rest of the groom's and his mom's behavior is a total deal-breaker. He can go marry mommy dearest.
That's a stupid insult and on top of that makes little sense
One, body differences that can damage the dress. Two, OP expected to wear an unused dress to her wedding so MIL wearing it however briefly would count as used to her. Most wedding dresses are used once by the bride and either sold off or passed down and not up the family. A more ick comparison, MIL put on OPs new sexy underwear to 'try it out' and now expects OP to put it on for her own bedroom sexy times. Yeah... nope.
@@NovaGirl8 that's fair. I grew up with everything being secondhand, so I hadn't considered the rest of that. :)
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681 the point is that the groom is prioritizing his mom and her selfishness above his fiance, and showing OP how she's less important.
I think it's less someone else trying on the dress, and more the implication he was cool with seeing his MOTHER in the same dress his WIFE was gonna wear on their wedding day.
Like I love my mom, but I cannot imagine wanting her to try on anything anyone I'm even dating was wearing.
It really just screams that their relationship is screwed up in some major ways.
For the story about the bully, knowing that people have committed suicide due to BULLYING, which ALSO would end up being a "once in a lifetime event" that bully doesn't DESERVE to attend public school nevermind a dance. That bully isn't sorry and she'll do it again & again without harsh consequences.
Story 2: I learned of the phrase, “emotional incest” the other day, and I gotta say that MIL *IS DEFINITELY THE FUCKING TEXTBOOK DEFINITION*
Story 1: I hope OP and Jen get married and Liz and Kelly combust in rage.
Story 2:
OP your fiancé “helped,” your FMIL try on your wedding dress, KNOWING that you were 100% against it. He tried to stop you from going into your room to see it. Why would you want anything to do with this mamas boy trader, he will NEVER take your side.
First, being "matched" with a bridesmaid doesn't mean she owns his time or attention, even if he _hadn't_ already turned her down.
Second, I think the bullying punishment is too harsh in only one aspect. I'd allow the daughter to back up the photos to an external hard drive or something, but still delete the Insta and other social medias.
@desperateneedofscotch I only know that AOL/yahoo chat rooms and Myspace were dangerous as hell back in the day, so I can't even imagine how awful and entrenched that crap is now. Having to navigate that as a teen? Probably unwise. But, for better or worse, it's the main way folks connect and interact these days.
i dont think you undertsand the second story, the mil literally wore her dil dress and the future groom protected his mother over op. the husband is trying to control op by doing all of that. but i do agree with the first story
nvm my bad you're talking about the 3rd story not the husband one. sorry i seen second and i assumed you meant the second story
@@babybunbuntin lol All good. Yeah, I was listing points, not the story numbers.
As someone with a blended family, Story 1 is especially infuriating. My parents heard of these same activists claiming it's racist to adopt nonwhite kids. They will *never* feel guilty for adopting my Chinese sisters, nor will I ever feel guilty for being their big sister.
"Senior prom is a once in a lifetime thing!"
What about the girl she bullied? That girl doesn't get to have an amazing prom night because of her! Punishment fits the crime.
I think i know what you mean but the girl is switching school. So she'll be able tk go to prom away from her harrassers
@@Tues48 While true there's also a chance the traumatic experience from the bullying will stick with her for a long time. Regardless it should never have happened
That little girl is going to realize soon enough that missing homecoming and senior prom are nowhere near the biggest problems that she's going to face in her life especially if she continues to grow into the type of person she seems to be right now. She will absolutely live not getting to go to a dance no matter how "once-in-a-lifetime" it is. She needs to realize that the consequences of her bullying and how it affected that poor girl is much worse than anything that she's receiving right now.
Never apologize to a rude person for being rude right back. Not even a fake one to settle the waters.
Some people commit suicide due to bullying. It's good to see the bully victim switching schools instead. But sometimes you can't escape bullying no matter where you go.
The bully denied that girl those things.
She’s spent probably her entire life making friends here, and now she’s in a new school with only 1 year left. She doesn’t get to go to homecoming or prom with her friends because of the daughter. Totally fair punishment.
I’d compromise on the instagram punishment by having her give the parents the login info so they can lock her out. She can still *view* all those pictures she has, they aren’t gone, but she also can’t use the account
@@RealCoolstriker64 The other option is to download the photos then delete the account
@@rollfaceonkeyboard With how much some people post, that might not be possible.
Story 3: There is something similar going on with my Mother, coming from a poor country and she worked her wealth outside. I'm not saying she's rich by Westerner standards. Point being, she would get angry with friends and family from the old country because 100% of their conversations devolved into questioning or interrogations about what materialistic goods does my Mother own, how much it cost, what will she buy, and she would eventually stop talking to her family often at all.
BUT ASIDE from even having "Salary talks" no one is forced to tell you anything they don't want to. Someone that doesn't answer the question or politely but explicitly tells you they'd rather no? You can't make them talk. If you did you'd have to torture them, that's called an interrogation. I think that OP is NTA.
😂
Damn, the second OP's fiance never had the umbilical cord cut, huh...
I'd send his mum the dress with the note: "You can marry him instead."
I have zero sympathy towards bullies. Sam deserves no mercy.
I live in Mississippi, so all my life, I had to hear my grandma's propaganda speech (she grew up in the 50s) her words were "red birds should be with red birds and blue birds should be with blue birds, if a red bird got with a blue bird they would have purple babies." I started telling her most of the time the purple babies were always prettier. She stopped saying around me, but I feel for my younger cousins, but I think they're old enough to realize it's outdated racist propaganda.
7:01 man rslash got so heated he had a voice crack
At the start of the first story I couldn't help thinking "define 'black'". Many, many people are mixed, even people you would never guess from apoearance. How much of any race does a person have to have to be defined as that race?
I think Freud might have something to say about the guy wanting to see his mom in his wife's wedding dress.🤣
You know with story two the 'fiancé' wanted her to quit the group chat and log off Facebook for a month so the mother could go around and start stories. That way mom could take bad about her in group chat and everyone would only get one side of the story.
My grandmother was like that. She insisted I had to come over when I was on a date...it was the second date mind you..And she starts with that whole "what if you have kids? Neither side will want them" shit. Way to torpedo a relationship in its infancy. Of course before she died, she started questioning my parentage. Shes been gone for decades now, and isnt missed.
If everything was an innocent as OP's MIL only wanting to try on her dress simply because she loves weddings then why completely freak out when a photo is taken of you with the dress on? Nah, they both are super creepy and weird. Hopefully, OP dumps the creeps
Not even half way through the second one and I'm calling creepy mummies boy/mother wishes she was marrying him 🤮
At least find a way to save those pictures for an album or something. Nobody deserves to lose stuff like that
I would highly recommend going to read the updates about the bachelor / bachelorette party .... It's wild what they got up to 😂
The story with the joint bachelorette party at the strip club, I wouldn't have apologized. Well I would've, but the nail in the coffin line should've been "please tell me I'm lying. Look me right in the he eye and tell me I'm lying though" (Not being ignorant to anybody with a sight impairment) but if you told a blind person this scenario, I'm pretty sure they'd see that disastrous outcome coming a mile away
2nd story: forget the new dress. OP needs a new fiancé, because that one and his mommy suck.
First reaction was exactly "what in the racism?"
Fifth story: NTA. Bullying someone at the point of switching schools is horrible. I had to hear twice the title to be fully in OP's side. Also, why the high school did nothing as well?! As a former victim of bullying, this is another example how school authorities are USELESS against bullying.
My brother and sister-in-law had a joined bachelor and bachelorette trip, only they and the wedding party (I was his best man) stayed at a cabin for four (4) days. The weekend went great, but there was an unspoken agreement that we would never go back to that cabin.
One, it was hard to find. Two, the two (2) air conditioners barely worked, were only in the main center room of the building, and none of the seven bedrooms had any ventilation, except for a small window. Three, there was no dumpster, so we had to put full trash bags out on the front porch, which (of course) were torn into by the local wildlife. And four, there was a rat that kept darting from a supply closet to underneath the refrigerator and back.
Rarely comment, BUT, the wedding dress story sounds like future groom wants to marry his mother. Take them to court, cancel the wedding and suggest what I think and wish them a happy life together
#2. Stop treating him and his mom like that. So what you need to do is treat them with a nice cup of GTFO and get out of that relationship. If he's going to disrespect you that much and the MIL doesn't care for your boundaries, this is going to be a really shitty marriage.
2nd Story Update: Those conditions about leaving the group chat and staying off FB, make me think the fiance wants a free hand to push a narrative, without OP being aware or available to rebut it.
Salary Story: Be very wary of someone that concerned about how much money you have. A co-worker asking about YOUR salary might just be trying to find out if they are under paid. Desperate to know your husband's salary? To me, that flag says potential adulterer or sycophant.
I think the mistake in the last story wasn’t that it was a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, I think it was going together to a strip club while high and drunk.
First Story: Heard this one before. I’m actually unsure if this was racially motivated - I think it’s more likely that Kelly was looking for someone and Liz was just trying to set her up, and the fact that Tom knew about this plan was probably from Liz just trying to loop him in on the set-up. The fact that they’re both black didn’t seem to matter that much to Liz since her first reaction was based on the age difference instead of the race difference, and it was Kelly that played the “White girl fetish” card (probably out of anger more than anything). Doesn’t make what they did any better, since they were both throwing a toxic little temper tantrum at OP having his own human agency, so they’re still the assholes regardless
Black women (not all, but a nice amount) do shit like that a lot.
I don't know about that. If it's true that the post doesn't really let us know if it's was truly racially motivated, the age gap thing doesn't disprove it at all. What kind of person would openly say "She isn't black, why are you dancing with her". Of course she gonna find something else to say.
But yeah, in my opinion, whether it was initially racially motivated or not, it's obvious that this Kelly got a crush on him and was upset about him not being interested. The bride tried to back up her friend that's all. It's just happen that the way she backed her up was completely screwed up.
You explained this better than I. I felt for her, I did. I remember being in that position, it hurts. But It happens. What made Kelly wrong is putting OP in a box and assuming it was everything but the most obvious. He just wasn't interested in her. Again, I empathize because I remember the number of times friends try to set me up, but then tell me oh they don't want to meet a black girl. I just contributed it to my location, after all these guys didn't even know me Or even knew what I looked like.
@@KenronTheGamerone group I've been around have that same mindset.
It's 100% a race thing.
Also, kinda sexist.
8 years is barely an age gap. And why bring up Jen's education unless she thinks OP would somehow ruin her?
I think Kelly requested a black guy, Liz tried ordering one for her from her groom's friend's list, and they both assumed, because OP's a guy, he would hook up with Kelly if she offered, because she's a woman.
They didn't account for little details like OP having taste and self respect. 😂
Bullying punishment story, easy NTA. What shes done SHOULD have consequences of missing once in a lifetime invents. This is your last chance to correct your daughter's seriously abysmal behavior as she goes to being an adult. The grandparents, need to stay out of it or get a hotel. Period.
Yikes. Good on OP for the punishment. Bullying someone to the point they switched schools couldve caused the loss of a life.
(A bit of a trigger warning personal story)
a 10th grade girl at my school was racially bullied online (From other classmates), but never spoke out about it, not even her sister. This girl was a close friend to my sibling. 6 days ago, we found out that she jumped off a bridge (above a highway) near our school. The first day back at school, kids (My sibling described them as white boys, which was technically true) were posting pictures of the memorial table saying how they were glad she was dead and made fun of her and her sister. This girl was kind and always put others first, and what she was repayed with cost her her life.
I am not exaggerating when I say the daughter could've taken that girls life.
1st story I think the bride probably asked her friend which of the groomsmen she like and she pointed at OP she probably has a preference for black guys and the bride was backing her up trying to manipulate OP in a ridiculous defence of her friend who she felt was slighted.
Story two: AIR DROP THAT PHOTO ON PUBLIC AND RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE OP
Does the groom want to think about his mother when he sees his bride in her dress? It sure sounds like it.
Sounds like my wedding after party. We got a party bus, and all our party friends. Our bus driver was a Detroit cop! We were all chugging from the bottles of liquor being passed around. We went to a casino, got kicked out for being too drunk (there was 20 of us). We landed at the club me and my wife met at. One couple ended up divorced. One guy got a DUI. The bus bathroom was a travesty because of drunk dudes peeing in a moving bus, and one poor girl was so drunk she had to sit on that floor to puke. It was quite the crazy night. Thankfully the crazy died down at the club. Just a lot of dancing and more drinking for those of us that survived that long, then pancakes next door after last call. No strippers though.
Story 4 was Totally deserved, I also moved schools due to years of bullying and till this day i don't know why. It wasn't due to race nor was i a troublesome kid, I do however have adhd but this was ELEMENTARY school so my classmates didn't really know what it was so it wasn't about that either. It caused me to socialize with people online only and till this day i don't have friends within my own country, town or state.
What I'm trying to say here is that you are correct, going to school in general and enjoying yourself is a once in a life time thing that sadly the poor Kid who got bullied may never experience a good memory from.
Can we have some more Kevin stories?
I’m 24 and hang out with a friend who’s 36, he’s just a sweet guy!
Story 4: For the fact it's a once in a lifetime thing, I didn't attend either. I couldn't(my schooling got weird) but like, it really isn't all that. She can miss it, she's just a brat.
Story 2: for those who done understand. This happens and its weird. If a mom loves putting on wedding dresses should normally go try some on for fun. This dress is meant to be the dress thw person wears when they marry her son. That dress has been given a purpose. And the fact that's he would let her and hit it shows there might be enmeshment. Which is gross. She should leave him because she will never have a good relationship with that MIL