AITA best friend wedding drama - REACTION
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- čas přidán 11. 12. 2023
- AITA best friend wedding drama - REACTION
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Hey Squaaad! 👋 Get ready for some juicy, drama-packed realness in today's video! 🎉 Today, we're diving deep into a wild AITA (Am I the A**hole) story that involves none other than a best friend's wedding! 😱💔 Grab your popcorn and let's spill the tea, because this one's a rollercoaster, my friends!
So picture this: Your bestie is about to tie the knot, and you're thinking it's going to be all rainbows and butterflies, right? WRONG. Our AITA OP (original poster) found themselves smack in the middle of a wedding tornado, and trust me, it's a wild ride.
In classic AITA fashion, there are two sides to every story, and we're going to break it down like only Charlotte Dobre can. 💁♀️ Our OP is faced with a major dilemma, and the choices made at this wedding will make your jaw drop!
Will our hero(ine) rise above the drama or succumb to the chaos of the big day? 🤔 You won't believe the twists and turns that unfold as we dissect this wedding saga. It's like a soap opera, but with real people, real emotions, and a sprinkle of that AITA spice!
Plus, I've got some hot takes and maybe a few personal anecdotes to share because, let's be real, who hasn't been in a situation where you question if you're the a**hole or not? 😂
Hit that subscribe button, give this video a big thumbs up, and ring that notification bell so you never miss out on the latest tea-spilling sessions. 🛎️ Let's get ready to spill some drama, Squaaad! 💖✨ #AITA #WeddingDrama #Storytime #CharlotteDobreTeaTime
Disclaimer: Remember, loves, these stories are all about sharing experiences and growing together. Be kind in the comments, and let's keep the discussion respectful! 💕
#aita #bestfriend #weddingdrama #wedding #drama #bestfriends #charlottedobre #reaction #react #reactionchannel
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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He's dating someone? You lost your chance. He's single again? You have your chance. He's engaged? You lost your chance. He's married?! YOU LOST YOUR CHANCE!
yeah, it's that simple. The guy might even have been interested in her at some point but she never said anything.
If she liked him that much she should have told him when he was single and able to pursue it if he returned the feelings, telling him when he just got married it's just cruel, and she calls herself his best friend.
Like maybe, maybe Tell them in a I expect nothing of that and Injustice want to clear the Air way, but fuck the hell Not at their wedding!!! People Fall for Friends, IT Happens ,one does Not needs to make a Drama Out of IT, chosing the Most dramatic occasion to Tell . . . .Just no
@@cristela4034 this is the problem as well. sometimes women play too many games where the man simply does NOT pick up on this. i would be one of those. i had a girl who always wore low cut shirts when she visited me, giggled etc. yet that is all she did. (she dated other guys at the time) when she moved away she asked me why didn't i hit on her. i told her exactly i had no signs of anything that showed interest. giggling and wearing clothes is not a sign to me.
i laugh with a lot of people and none of them ever gave signs. for me as a guy i just don't have time for the games. if you're interested show it.
@@arianewinter4266 well i feel like even if you told it while he was engaged would be a dick move. plenty of time they have chances. there is a reason guys would remain single well at least some of the good ones. they are tired of games. this is the same reason why some women simply gave up or just always went after the wrong type of relationship.
@@tenin982000FACTS
How do you tell somebody you love them, on their wedding night, when you had YEARS before and be confused how you’re in the wrong. Why only after thousands of dollars spent do you choose to do so? That’s what baffles me a bit. This isn’t a movie where you can profess your love as a main character and get the guy. Absolutely baffled.
Yea I don't get that shit either
Yes! I never understood the logic of just waiting on the wedding day
my best friends wedding, the movie. tragic and selfish of op.
@neocat81 And she didn't get the man either. Which OP should have learned from . . .
Man I seriously hate this bf gf and a "best friend" thing ☠️
For the last story: She is absolutely not the asshole. She told her friends from the beginning what she was comfortable with and her boundaries, and her friend is mad that she won’t violate those boundaries she set when pushed. She is still trying to be involved in the wedding, she’s asked to attend virtually and is still getting them a gift. Also, I love Charlotte but sometimes her responses lack awareness. She can’t just go to her hotel room and recover from the day. That’s not how that works. For a lot of people who get drained like that, they need to have a safe space to recuperate and charge their social battery. Familiarity is a massive aspect of that, which is why most people who are extremely introverted tend to be homebodies, like the OP here is. If she went on this trip, she most likely would not be able to relax the entire time and she’d be overwhelmed the entire time she’s there because she’s in a strange place she’s not familiar with surrounded by a ton of people. Saying that she should just go to her hotel to calm down and get over it is such a shitty thing to say, and invalidates the OP’s feelings and experiences.
TBH if I was the OP I’d be reevaluating my friendship with this person. She’s been honest and communicated her boundaries with them, and her friend is trying to violate those boundaries and is getting mad at her for not giving in. From how OP talks about her introversion, it almost sounds like she’s Agoraphobic, and if her friend is trying to guilt her into flying 6 hours away for a wedding, she should end that friendship because that’s so shitty
I think people lack awareness for sure. There are different types of feeling drained from socializing. I think most people assume it's like feeling tired at the end of a normal day where you just go to sleep and get up refreshed. But sometimes the fatigue and recovery is more like catching the flu or getting drunk and having a hangover. Especially when you struggle with sensory overload or tend to absorb other people's feelings. It's not a normal tiredness but almost like recovering from a mild illness. It's understandable that people who don't experience that kind of drain don't get it but that's why it's so important to listen to people when they tell you what to expect of them. If someone says they can't do or be something that you want, do not expect them to make you an exception. Don't expect them to grow out of it or push through it. Decide if you can be happy with them as they are. And leave them alone if you can't.
Nah she’s the asshole 100%. It’s a wedding, not a party. If she’s friends with that person she should put her problems aside for the friends most important day.
I absolutely agree with you and I relate to OP.
Could be undiagnosed ASD
Regarding the story about the friend marrying the frat boy. I believe that the bride knew exactly what was going to happen. It's like testing your significant other's loyalty, you only do it if you suspect they might not be. She just needed to have someone to blame for the decision SHE MADE. It's not like OP went to the frat boy herself and said something. Hopefully it will just take some time and perspective for her to forgive OP.
What happened to “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health“ she could’ve gone with the “civilized family discussion option” if she wants to. Nobody is forcing her.
She just wants somebody other than her fiancé to blame. Simple as that.
That was a great idea, that is the friend everyone needs!
honestly hope that even if she does, op refuses to be friends with her again. that's a shitty ass friend.
What I don't understand is why girls are in such relationships, and after you said the whole gone broke piece to him and him broke the engagement, you still want to cry about it???? What's their to cry about over such AH???😅😅😅😅
Not wanting to attend a wedding is a valid reason for not attending a wedding. As they say all over reddit, an invitation is not a summons, especially to a destination wedding.
It's also a valid reason to re-evaluate your friendships.
Also, even if you CAN afford the cost it is perfectly valid to have other priorities for that money. People make choices about how they spend their resources all the time. Your choice to have a destination wedding is exactly that YOUR choice. Expecting that everyone you invite will make the choice to spend a very large amount of money on that trip, just because they can, is unreasonable. Also, people work, many have very limited vacation days. Destination weddings will require more time off. If the destination is somewhere you’d like to visit or you really enjoy the whole wedding experience, great. But again expecting someone to choose to spend limited vacation time on YOUR wedding because that’s what you want, no.
For real. It doesn't matter if medical reasoning or just introverted, or flat out don't want to go. There's things this OP clearly doesn't want to disclose (and as far as hippa goes, has no obligation to disclose). Not wanting to be in a foreign country with more strangers than ppl you know at a wedding isn't wrong at all. Heck, it would definitely make me uncomfortable. Op isn't wrong for saying no, amd I don't agree with Charlotte saying she's the asshole.😢
@@silentsaturn7604 OP seems to have been very up front with this friend from day one about their boundaries when it comes to social situations. If the friend feels the need to reevaluate over this, then they are the idiot for choosing to ignore what OP has been saying all this time.
@@alias-majik Yeah, it smells "I can fix them" mentality and then get upset that they're not submissive.
Destination wedding story: No one has to attend a destination wedding. For LOTS of reasons -- lack of money, lack of vacation time, lack of childcare -- and yes, "I don't wanna fly 6hrs to your wedding" is a legit answer.
Exactly!
I agree. Travel takes time, effort and energy ON TOP of the socialising required. I think she has good boundaries and knows herself well.
All I hear when charlotte says that she should ignore her discomforts is an admission from charlotte that she lacks boundaries. 🤷♀️
Why would her friend want her there when they know she'll just be miserable? Would anyone want their friend standing in the corner bringing down the mood of the party? It's not just the wedding. It's the six-hour flight being around people with no escape. It's being around strangers you don't care about in a strange place. This isn't OP being petty, there is a precedent of behavior at her other friend's wedding and at her sibling's wedding too.
So true and if her friend is going to force her to go she'll also guilt her into spending all her time there with people she doesn't know.
On point!!!
Being able to "afford" a wedding does not just include financially. If you can't afford the mental health strain, stress, physical discomfort, then don't go. True friends would understand
You said that so much better than I did.
OP was set up to fail even if she does go to the wedding. If OP doesn't go to the destination wedding, they will be the ah and if they go and they will be tired/don't talk to people/only responds in a couple of words then she will be the ah once again. There is no winning it. I think she did the best by not going and not making everyone feel awkward because she is around.
Yeah, nah. You can definitely say no to a destination wedding. Even if you can afford it, it doesn’t mean you are obligated to drop a thousand dollars and go.
100%
I just think that this is a one in a lifetime event so I think she should at least consider going. Maybe she can have some amazing time alone in a different place.
The money is not an issue in this situation, OP never even mentions it. People not going on a destination wedding of their best friend are just stingy or/and lazy. Especially when they don't have many friends or family members, so the number of such weddings is very limited anyway.
Which would have been a nicer excuse than what the OP said. Don't say that you don't want to socialize, just say you can't get away.
I agree. not too many people are willing to go to a different country on a whim. sucks that this person has to essentially lie so people would get off their back.
The introvert’s personality was clearly very well known. She had also explicitly set boundaries multiple times and she even said she would be there in other ways, just not at the destination site. Respect for people goes both ways. If the friend wanted her there that badly, if her presence was absolutely that critical to her wedding, then the bride could’ve not had a destination wedding. It’s fine that she made that choice because it’s her wedding and she can have it wherever she wants but the consequence of that is that her introverted friend who cannot stand to socialize is not going to drop thousands of dollars and spend days of her life suffering just so that the bride can know she’s standing somewhere in the crowd. NTA.
This 100%. I would never take a 6h flight for anyone or for any reason, hate being trapped in small spaces with lots of people.
Exactly. 💯 %
Exactly. Destination weddings are so dumb IF you TRULY expect everyone to feel the same way about it that you do. No way! That’s crazy! Just because it’s my best friend doesn’t mean I can drop everything and go to Hawaii or whatever. That’s mental.
Seriously! I love Charlotte but she's definitely not the introvert type so she can't understand why this is a horrible situation for OP. Anxiety or not, being somewhere you're unfamilar with around people you don't know aside the literal bride sounds awful and I'm not even as introverted as OP.
Right? If I were perfectly aware my bestie is being miserable *because of me* then I'M being the ahole in the situation.
About the last story- I think the event being a destination wedding is a fully good enough reason not to go. I can definitely remember Charlotte siding with people who chose not to go to friends' weddings just because there would be no alcohol. How is that acceptable but not wanting to travel abroad is selfish? 😬
Learn to read it wasn't just because it was a destination wedding, it was because OP doesn't like being around a lot of people and refuses to be in them even for her so called friends and family. She'll miss events, not always because of where but because there will be people.
@@SNixon14learn to read. The friend was upfront and was not unreasonable x
Considering she said she had issues with the flight being six hours and the weekend with people she didn't know I thought it was acceptable. The whole thing starts with a six hour flight that would be anxiety inducing and then to add a weekend of strangers - I get it. I don't mind flying but the thought of it now days disgusts me (the people, security, etc) so I wouldn't go and I don't have that level of anxiety.
@@SNixon14 She'll miss events but it is her life. If she is okay with missing out that is on her and her friends/family seem to accept it til now. This one friend who should know her well enough should be accepting of her watching online and getting the gift.
@@mortimerbrewster3671Yeah sure. Accept no commitment to frienship because someone's icky about being around people one a month. She could come, go to a ceremony and than to her hotel room. This was just plain idgaf.
Destination wedding: not the a-hole. Don’t go if you don’t want to. If you truly love your friends you accept them as they are. OP seems to be very transparent about their intentions and boundaries.
ya, I get that this is her special day but OP has already made it clear from the beginning about how she feels about crowds. It would be great if she could attend but it's wrong to force her. And it's not like OP said they would never meet. They would meet later. If the bride's feelings are valid then so too are the OP's. NTA
People have no right to expect me to go to a destination wedding no matter how much i love them. Go to your destination on your honneymoon and leave me out of it
Yup. And she shouldn't have even had to explain why she couldn't go. Just saying regrets, can't make it should be enough. The bride doesn't have to know if she's not going because she has other commitments, can't afford it, or just plain doesn't want to! It's none of her business!
Yeah, the last one is NTA. She says she doesn't have social anxiety, but that's pretty much what she's describing. Her friend said, "you're putting your comfort over my feeleings," but she is likewise putting her feelings over OP's comfort. Charlotte briefly touched on this, but then abandoned it: destination weddings mean that you have to accept that a lot of people aren't going to come. You have to decide if the venue is more important to you than who attends. You can fantasize about your dream wedding, where everything is just perfect, everyone can make it and have a great time, but that's not realistic in a lot of cases.
regarding the destination wedding story: I have autism and I am introvert. I had my grandfathers birthday party this weekend that was from 1pm to 4pm. When I got home to my mother's I was so drained and tired that I literally fell a sleep on the floor next to our cat for at least an hour. I love my grandfather very much and went to my mothers for the weekend that I would be able to attend the party because I wanted to. Also to add I didn't know much of the guests because they were friends of my grandparents, I spent most of my time at the party with my siblings and cousin so I didn't really need to socialise much.
i experience this, and am also autistic... and holy shit it can be very annoying when coming home from uni and i am legit so drained that i cannot do anything at all - like 4 hours with the same people is enough for me to just collaps at home...
I feel like a lot of people who comment "they could be neurodivergent" just tend to use that as a shield. Because most NDs I know put in SO much effort. Not all the time, I'm not hanging out at every party and every weekend.
But if I love someone and something is important to them, I'm grabbing my emergency spoons and making it happen.
@@Rose_CastleI get that but it gets to a point where I am SO SO TIRED of always having to do that for big and small things. And when i can't or put a boundary to survive and not feel like life is so hellish, others think it's "just because" and even those sympathetic dont truly get it or lowkey feel Im being selfish bc they dont fully understand spoons or even how many spoons things really take me (even those with the same condition vary anyways). Maybe OP is or isnt neurodivergent, but I can understand feeling tired of having to sacrifice to such an extent for something others find to be normal or fun things. Maybe they could handle it with a lot of sacrifice on their end or maybe they cant and dont want to find out the hard way that they cant far away from safety. They were honest about what could be expected of them and have shown they were really willing to put up with an amount to those they loved, but you have to realize that it isnt surprising that a "hermit" (of any variety) who struggles with events they can escape from, does not want to go to a destination wedding. We dont know OP, but for myself (fully projecting), others asking me to suck it up for certain things when I know that I cannot feels like they are asking a type 2 diabetic to just put their condition on pause bc its important to their friend to eat a huge slice of wedding cake even if that person knows their levels cant handle that on that day. I empathize with being fed up with never putting your comfort truly "first" and once you do, not wanting to turn back. Now whether the friends in tbe story can move on from that, maybe not, but it doesnt have to be that someone is the bad guy or not trying hard enough. How many neurodivergent people have heard that when they have been trying so hard they almost break? The friend likely feels a friendship need is that someone can be there for them like thag... but OP has their own needs too.
@airari24 Right, but in this case the OP has labelled it "just because", they were not willing to put in an amount of effort beyond viewing it online and they were honest about that. They don't put aside time for small things, and may not do it for big things. So this is not about what you feel tired doing.
@Rose_Castle Aside from my projecting, there is a lot of people with undiagnosed conditions who explained their behavior with such phrases. Maybe they have no cindition at all. But clearly they struggle and call themselves a hermit. And we don't know what she does do on small occasions (I was trying to add another possible perspective but idk her either). And she has shown she is willing to put in what is a huge amount of effort for big occasions for others in her life (ex. Gone to other, closer weddings for loved ones and both loved ones had acknowledged her clear struggle in that short amount of time and allowed her to go home). So I was using myself as an example to explain that hearing that someone is not sucking it up, is not putting in effort when moments like this happen is not a nuanced take. And is playing into what normal expectations are for someone who clearly isn't normal just for the fact of being a hermit. Because we don't know how often they were there for their friends within their capability all for their friend and strangers online to treat them as immoral, almost. Like I understand being fed up of trying to put in effort, compromise in your own way, try to communicate your needs and boundaries and what you are willing to do out of love for your friend from beginning to end (OP can be seen as callous sure) and still have people be shocked and act like your lazy etc. So what I'm saying is they are given an explanation to their "just because" that makes it understandable. They don't sound like good friendship fits but OP is not necessarily an AH
The absolutely nauseating feeling of my social battery running out, the fear of losing my temper and snapping at people because my nervous system is strained to the max… yeah, I get why OP chose not to attend the wedding.
Do you think you may have autism? It’s really commun that women with autism don’t get a diagnosis until very late in their life because women have more subtil external symptoms than men and do a lot of “social copy” which makes them look not on the spectrum but drain them of all energy in social gathering. That’s what happen to one of my friends, she got a official diagnostic when she was at university.
This point of view should be more understood 🎉
I personally would go to the wedding. That being said I do not blame her for not going at all. She never lied about how she is. The fact that the friend is trying to pressure into or change her makes me feel more like her friend is the a hole.
@@codzilla9110 That was exactly my thought. I'm Autistic and I understood exactly what they meant. The "suck it up" and "get over it" commentary made me want to vomit. People who don't experience it really have no clue how ableist that crap is.
@@NursissisticOfficialshe said suck it up assuming she didn’t have any conditions. Obviously if she had some sort of social anxiety or reason other than introversion for not wanting to go out, then those are valid excuses for not sucking it up. There are some people out there who don’t have these obstacles and are simply not willing to go out of their way for people. Which, thats their choice. It just may be harder to sustain relationships with people.
I disagree on the Destination wedding thing. While it may have come off as weird to you, I think that the examples that OP provided was to show that she was consistent in her viewpoints and stance, she set her boundaries clearly to the point that everyone, friends and family alike know (and she has a right to do that like in any relationship) and just like any relationship they should be respected. As her best friend she HAD to know that the girl wouldn't want to go if it was destination and pressuring/guilting her to change isn't cool. Not only are you asking additional money, you're putting her on a plane with people she doesn't know, in a hotel with people, and at an event. Who wants to do all of that when they KNOW all they'll do is spend 90% of their time in their room? And I think that's why Reddit was agreeing with OP, people don't have to have an excuse for their boundaries in a friendship any more than they do in a relationship.
Friendships take effort from both sides though. I'm also very introverted, but when it comes to important moments for my friends, or close family members, I just suck it up and be there for them.
It is very arrogant and assholeish to tell friends "yeah we can be friends but don't expect me to make any actual effort to physically be with you because I'm introverted".
And it's not like she has soxial anxiety, or agoraphobia or some other diagnosed condition that would justify it. She just doesn't like socializing.
My best friend is a social butterfly and very outgoing. I on the other hand am introverted with social anxiety. My best friend knows when she gets married I am unable to be maid of honor or a bridesmaid. It's just very overwhelming for someone like me. She completely understands that. We get together once a week for dinner and a movie and she has respected my boundaries. It would be nice if more people were understanding of such boundaries.
I agree, but in the same vein, people don't have to be friends with people who set not being there for one another as a boundary. They can both be boundaries. Maybe ESH because they are both too full of themselves to compromise.
Friendship isn't a one way street. Just like any relationship. If your partner doesn't spend time with you, and misses your life events because he/she doesn't want to socialize, usually it's because he/she disinterested in you. Because he/she doesn't see you as important enough to show up. If a parent doesn't show up, it usually upsets the children, because they don't bother to show up. You can't call someone a friend if you're not willing to have their back.
I would have been happy to go to a destination wedding and mingle for a week, but at the same time as someone on the spectrum I full am on OPs side as well. OP didn't say they were on the spectrum but I don't think she has these consistent boundaries "just because". We are not entitled to her reasons because not everyone wants to disclose their entire mental health history. If her best friend loved her, she's respect her.
For the last story, I personally think having strong boundaries is a good thing- it may be unconventional boundaries, but if she set them pretty clearly from the start, which it sounds like she did, I would agree that she's NTA. Not everyone is going to click with your boundaries, and that's fine. You shouldn't have to put yourself into uncomfortable situations if there's alternatives. Personally, going to a destination wedding, even if it was for my best friend, sounds hellish. (Although on the other hand, I am neurodivergent and have pretty bad anxiety about new situations, so maybe I'm being overly sympathetic.)
I agree, it’s a lot to ask, especially when you get overwhelmed quickly
If she set the boundary, then her friend is allowed to react to that boundary and decide to continue or end the friendship. Neither of them are assholes. It's like the right to free speech: you have it, but you also have the responsibility of the consequences of your speech.
She’s certainly entitled to set that boundary, but she doesn’t get to be upset when all of her friends abandon her for making her boundary “I’m never showing up for my friends because I’m an introvert”.
I’m an introvert and it IS draining to be around a lot of people, but when it’s important I show up, because the world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s uncomfortable going to my best friends dad’s funeral but not going makes you a terrible friend - regardless of how YOU feel because NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
@@BoringTroublemaker Totally agree. I am also an introvert and have social anxiety, but I would absolutely go to my friend's wedding (as long as I can afford a destination wedding). My boundaries would then be set for during the wedding. I might not be able to be there the whole time, I might have to disappear in to a bathroom for a while, but my uncomfortableness (in this situation) is for me to manage. Introvertedness does not mean that we can only take from a friendship and never give. Boundaries are fine, but the person having the wedding also has their own values and may decide they aren't getting anything from this friendship and leave. We have to find a way to respect both people's values. Sounds like OP didn't bother trying to come up with an alternative.
I agree. I don’t think some folks understand how bad the burnout from socialization can be. Some people feel that it’s just some tiredness that you can push through but that’s not the case for everyone. This burnout can get to the point where you can’t function or think properly. If a person has a job that requires a bit of socialization, they might even need to save all their social energy just to get through work everyday. I’m not as bad as the OP in the story but I do get socially burnt out. All my friends know about this and they respect my limitations. They would never try to push me to do more than I can because they know it would actually do harm to me.
If you get drained after social interactions but you can still function and "suck it up", you're not drained enough. There's always this negative view about people who don't recharge from social interactions as if they're in the wrong, lazy, immature o plainly bad friends. When if most people were able to understand how dysregulating it can be to be drained from that, they wouldn't even dare to put blame on them. Which is why her brother and Friend 1 were so comprehensive about OP at their own weddings. Seems like Friend 2 cares more about OP being there "for her" without caring about how much discomfort that would bring to OP. Tell me know who's the selfish one.
There are many levels of introversion. Some people may "feel uncomfortable" in social situation, but can, as Charlotte says "suck it up". Then there are people who can feel physically and emotionally exhausted for DAYS. Please don't trivialize their struggle by telling them to suck it up. This one really hit a nerve for me.
I would have cared about that if OP had even the slightest social anxiety disorder. Instead she is allergic to...Expectations? Just because its not your favorite thing to do doesn't mean you don't owe your best friend your presence at something like this no matter if she got a hotel for the rest of the time. Lame as hell. Op is going to have one less friend and she will have earned it
But just for your own comfort don't expect your friends to be around for you. I have friends... HAD friends like this, who always wanted to be invited but not show up, always wanted me to reach out but not begin the conversation and it is EXHAUSTING to be with people like this because it's always "I know it's a time you need your friends, but I'M SOOOO DRAINED AND I CAN'T"... So I dropped them. Not all effort in a friendship should come from me. Suck it up.
@precious_toebeans probably not diagnosed.
Honestly, she shouldn't expect people to be friends with her then. The way she phrased all of this, I don't think she's necessarily autistic or something like that. To me, she just seems like a very self-centered person. No one is forcing her to dance, to party, etc, she can just sit at a table, eat nice food and talk to one or two people that she already knows, or even be on her phone most of the time, and then call it a day. Plenty of people don't like large events, but they still show up for their loved ones.
I know people like this, they never reach out to you, never make any effort, always cancel on you last minute, literally won't even message you for like 6 months but then get confused about why you stop caring and reaching out after a while. Everything is always on their terms. Grow up, other people have feelings and need functioning support systems, too!
@@ajgjngfthyfbk7564 this! If she doesn't want friends this is a great way to say so
How can she blame OP for following simple advice, OP didn’t force her to do it, only suggested it. The friend took it upon herself to go through with it. No one could have guaranteed what the outcome would be, but better she found out the truth in the end. He was obviously a gold digger.
The best friend saved her from a possible lifetime of misery marriage
The bride’s dad should have pushed for a prenup, and he would have run much sooner. OP is welcome to be my bestie.
Some people ALWAYS need someone to blame. It's childish
You know there a two sides to every story also being a friend doesn't mean you need to be in your friends business. Also you have to believe that her side is the truth and she interfered because she had a problem with the guy,well then it's her problem
OP saved her from a gold digger either she'll get over the hurt and come around or she'll still blame OP for "ruining" her marriage to a gold digger and embarrassing her for following OP's advice in that case she's too childish and immature to get married
About the last story, it's a pity that introverts are forced to go against their nature or comfort but extroverts can't go against their nature even if there's a pandemic around. In the end, it's her own well-being what she's choosing. I know a lot of people that wouldn't be able to stay a whole weekend in their homes but introverts have to do it with a big smile on their faces. Give them a break. I would also suck it up, don't get me wrong, but there's people who's priority number one are themselves. Op went to several weddings and tried, op's not the ah
🎯
Actually she is because the fact that she did go to everybody else's wedding but can't do it for her best friend shows that she's capable of doing it and it's just refusing not to I guess her best friend isn't important to her as that other friend she showed up for or her brother her brother I'll accept and that makes sense but her best friend should be up there as well.
I'm also an introvert and I still go to places you can fit in a corner you don't have to talk with anybody or dance it isn't that hard
@@lahlybird895A destination wedding is completely different than a local wedding and I think you know that
@@lahlybird895 Those other two weddings were local tho so she could leave and go home immediately after the ceremony for the friend and after one hour at her brothers wedding. Neither of those weddings forced her to spend thousands of dollars to travel and be uncomfortable and away from her home for several days. She had also been clear about this boundary with her friend from the start.
@@lahlybird895 Going and spending an hour or so at a wedding venue is vastly different than going on a 6 day destination wedding trip. There is no universe where I'm going on a six day destination wedding trip for anyone, that sounds like torture.
I relate very strongly to the woman who doesn't want to go to the wedding. I'm autistic, and I think she probably is too, just based on her inability to tolerate social events and the way she communicates so directly. 80% of autistic women are diagnosed as adults--I was diagnosed at 34. There are a lot of autistic women out there who don't know they're autistic, and so wouldn't mention it in an AITA post.
Events like weddings aren't just mildly uncomfortable for us--they can be literally unbearable. Imagine sitting in a sauna in a straightjacket surrounded by screaming babies and you have have to pretend that you're enjoying it. That's what weddings are like for a lot of autistic people-- I'll do it if I can take a lot of breaks and not necessarily stay the whole time, but add the stress and expense of travel and jet lag? No. That's too much to ask.
Another thing about autistic people is that we use the word "can't" very literally. If an allistic person found weddings that intolerable, they would probably say they CAN'T go to weddings. We say that we don't want to--because technically we can, it would just be brutal, and this leads to a lot of misunderstandings and expectations that we "suck it up". But it's really sort of like how some people in wheelchairs technically can walk, they just shouldn't.
I second this.
I think the point she's trying to make here is that if you truly have a disorder or mental illness then not only should you acknowledge that but also possibly seek help for it. There are a lot of disorders with anxiety as a symptom so she might not even be autistic. If the introverted friend had simply said that she has social anxiety or has a mental illness/disorder, it might've been acceptable. But she only said that she's extremely introverted (that was from the introvert, not anyone else) and that she couldn't handle social situations. You can't assume anything until someone tells you that because it could very well be that the introverted friend is just uncomfortable in social situations and doesn't feel like going outside of her comfort zone. But the mark of being a friend or in a relationship is that you have to make sacrifices. Being a person's best friend means being there for them when they need you. The bride needed her best friend and her best friend couldn't even sacrifice for her wedding. If she isn't going to sacrifice for that, the "best friend" will never sacrifice for anyone. It's viewed as selfish and when you're a best friend, you can't be selfish. Certainly, the bride could try to accommodate the best friend (i.e. provide her with her own room so that she has somewhere when things become too much for her, find someone as a stand-in for if the best friend can't complete her duties, etc.). But not showing up at all means that you don't care about your friend's feelings. In which case, they shouldn't be friends. If you can't sacrifice for your friends and be there for them when they need you, then you shouldn't be friends with people.
People do not always know when they have a mental disorder. It can be super hard to even admit if you start to suspect you have something going on. In the case of that OP, her own family knew not to expect more than she could give. Her brother who was raised with her even knew! You can't force someone to get help. And beyond the excuse that she could go and escape to her hotel room, there's still the traffic to the airport, the crowds at the terminal plus TSA. And then being stuck on the plane with no way to get away from people. Stuck in a hotel once you're emotionally drained and forcing yourself to then sit through the ceremony when already overstimulated. Why would the friend expect her to go when she will not be able to enjoy it?? Destination weddings are already hard for some neurotypical people, and I agree with the poster above that this woman obviously has something going on like autism/aspergers. They literally cannot force themselves like.most people power through, that's not how their brains work @@jessicaarmstrong5035
@laceyrogers5035 the thing is that OP didn't say that she has a disorder, just that she's an introvert. My point is that without knowing any of that you can't assume she has autism. Diagnosing someone shouldn't be done by the general public because there are disorders that mimic other disorders. There is not enough here to diagnose autism, I can tell you that. And really should anyone be getting into a friendship if they can't give to it? If she wasn't capable of being a friend, then no matter how understanding the friend is, the relationship will turn toxic. And families don't count. Your family can't get rid of you. A friend can. Not the same dynamic. Regardless of how hard it is to admit you have a problem, a best friend should be worth working on that. You can't just expect people to make excuses for you all day long. My sister is developmentally disabled and she says she wants to try to do what she can and she doesn't try to hide her disability. She works to overcome it with some help. The minute you give up trying in life is when you fail at life. OP is using her "disability" to get out of responsibility. Friends don't do that. You can frame it any way you like but at the least this should be the push she needs to get help. Even that was better than "OH I can't do it so just accommodate me." That's enabling and it never helps anyone with a disability.
She's still been a friend in other ways, just not able to go to this destination wedding. It's a little callous to say that just because your sister can, you think anyone can (essentially what was insinuated by your comment) Even if she doesn't actually have something going on, she's not required to go to this wedding. Would someone break a friendship several years old simply because their friend wouldn't join them when they were upfront from the beginning of that friendship about what they could emotionally handle? The one getting married is choosing to ignore the other's limitations. And just as much as no one here can diagnose someone, you also cannot say that someone should put their big britches on and suck it up just because. Absolutely family can break up with you, and for much less when it's not even your fault! Be happy you haven't experienced that.
Regarding the introvert avoiding her BFFs wedding:
So the person should force themselves to go and potentially have an anxiety attack or a meltdown at the wedding? Because they described extreme social anxiety even if they didn’t explicitly offer their diagnosis for your approval. If they are best friends, then the one getting married should also consider that they don’t want to make their best friend miserable either. If friendship relies on sacrificing your comfort and sanity to appease delusional fantasies, then maybe we don’t need those friends.
Even without the social anxiety, destination weddings are such an inconvenience for everyone, or at least for most. You have to ask for additional days off, the cost will increase exponentially, and like in this case, you are forced to be with everyone because you can't escape
She said at the beginning of her post "I don't have social anxiety or anything like that. " she just doesn't like to socialize. She's just inconvenienced. She doesn't have a diagnosis, she's being selfish.
@@ahoward3503 100%
You don’t have to have an official diagnosis. She says she doesn’t have social anxiety but she obviously does. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be labeled.
Has the other friend sacrificed her confort for the other one, though? I have been there for friends on occassions I didn't feel like out of being a good friend. I don't like it when people won't reciprocate
You saved Leila from being used for money. He would've divorced her and taken half the money with him!
And if Leila wants to salvage the relationship, it should be easy. Just tell him, "JK, we do still have money! Let's get married!" If he left because they don't have money, he'll come back because they do. She is just upset that, whether she marries him or not, she has to live with the knowledge that he is only there for the money.
Sometimes, when you love someone, you have to hurt them to save them, and be okay with knowing that they hate you even though you did the right thing.
Or worse, spent it all and leached onto the next rich girl, cheated n' left... Scumbag was looking for a sugar momma not love. I applaud her friend.. a real friend knows the truth and will give it to you straight; The worst kind of friend is someone who just gives you candy coated lies.. homegirl was looking out for her.
I agree that if the friend has her head screwed on right, she'll eventually get over it. But the fact she's blaming you, even though it was HER decision to say it, is a little worrisome. Also, how are you supposed to "fix" it? Make it not about the money for him? Because I don't think that kind of power exists. Girlfriend needs to take responsibility for her own actions, which includes trying to ignore the fact that she was about to marry a jerk. If she doesn't realize you did her a solid by suggesting this (and she must have wanted to know, because it's not like you forced her to say it) she doesn't realize that sometimes a good friend is the one who unveils the ugly truth you need to hear.
Leila should be taking responsibility for acting on her friend's advice.
You don't have to have a reason not to go to someone's destination wedding. She said she would be flying 6 hours to go to an event where she knows no one. Even if she wasn't an introvert, that right there is good enough. She doesn't need to "get over herself." It's a lot of money and time to spend to be miserable. And it is okay to say no just because. You don't have to suck it up.
Exactly. I really hate how big weddings are considered nowadays. Especially destination/expensive weddings. Not to mention that expecting everyone that is in your life to drop everything for a one day event that can cost them a lot of money and time is completely asinine and just setting up the bride/groom for a lot of unnecessary disappointment and hurt. I can understand maybe if it was a small local wedding and the person decided to not go "just because", then yeah maybe it's justified to be upset. But that's a big maybe. Your wedding is supposed to be about your love for one another and you guys showing that you are committed to each other with the ppl that you love the most. That one day is about the bride and groom. However, your wedding may not be the only important thing to happen for the others. Someone close could have died, someone could be pregnant or giving birth around that time or they just couldn't get days off (which is way more likely to happen). In any case, not being at a wedding (even for your best friend) for any reason is justified, valid and shouldn't be the end of a friendship.
I'm very extroverted and still wouldn't want to fly 6 hours to be with a bunch of people I don't know. Weddings are so awkward you don't know anyone except the bride and/or groom!
I have anxiety so i have my own reason. Yay. Lol. But honestly it’s suck, if she go there with someone she’s close with maybe but still…
No, you don't need a reason. And OP has every right to create boundaries and foster friendships and relationships that understand their needs.
OP also could have said *anything* else other than 'I just don't feel like it, and you should know better than to ask'.
That's what makes them an asshole here. They didn't just say 'I love you, but I can't make it', they deliberately told the friend that they were not willing to come because it would mean stepping outside of their comfort zone for a few hours. Is that intrinsically unreasonable? No. Would it hurt like fucking hell to hear? Absolutely.
I feel sorry for the bride in this one. Accepting that your friend doesn't like social situations and respecting their boundaries is one thing, but this treatment proves the friendship is entirely one sided and OP is only interested in what they can get out of it, they don't give a shit about their "friend's" feelings.
I think too many people have forgotten the old "it's an invitation, not a summons". If someone invites you there option of declining is a given.
For a destination wedding, it isn't only just a different location than you are used to, but you also have to travel to it. If OP has so much difficulties to actually go to a wedding itself, how much effort would it take for her to travel to that specific location (and also, and this is important: back to her home after the wedding, with all of the energy the wedding already drained). When she can reach it by private car, it would be the easiest option for her, while it can still consume valuable energy. But sometimes it is too far away and you have to fly or take the train to it. In an airplane or a train with a possible hundreds of people (and screaming babies, the horror). It isn't just the wedding, it is so much more than that. She is absolutely NTA, the friend and bride to be who is giving the cold shoulder actually is. She knows her, she should know better. An alternative was given by OP so she could still be part of the wedding. It's better than nothing at all.
I am an introvert. At my sister's wedding my husband and I spent most of the time just walking around hotel's territory (it was beautiful). Like we sat at the reception for 20 minutes, then walked for a bit when I felt dizzy from the amount of people there, then returned back, then walked again. It wasn't exactly a destination wedding, but it was like 4 hours ride, so we stayed there for a night. You can always find some compromise for people you care about.
But you had your husband as your anchor person which gives you comfort as well as a companion to relieve stress. Its obvious this girl doesn’t have that. Would you have been as comfortable at your sisters wedding if your husband wasn’t there? Its unfair to force people to do things they aren’t comfortable doing. It doesn’t teach them or help them, it just makes them shut down, and draw with in themselves until they don’t even want to leave there house. Its not fair to them. Especially because life isn’t about the big event…. Its about what you do everyday
@@missmarthafawker true, I am fine with walking around alone though. Sometimes I even more than fine to be left alone. I understand that everyone is different, but I got the impression that that person would be quite comfortable in their own company. It's not like they couldn't leave the reception in any moment if they wanted to.
Exactly. If it's a destination wedding (usually comes with rooms) then she could be given her own room to go to when the anxiety becomes too much. It's really not that hard. I am an introvert and also have PTSD. Loud noises are difficult for me and I often get tunnel vision. And if my best friend or a family member asked me to their wedding, I'd go in a heartbeat. I don't think this woman cares about her friends at all. Probably why she doesn't have many. They can sense that she is only ever going to be a fair-weather friend.
@@missmarthafawker If OP had needed an anchor or someone else there or whatever else accomodations to help her thru the wedding, I think it would have been reasonable to ask for it, but OP didn't. She didn't ask or even try to compromise. She just decided to skip and was extremely blunt to her friend about why to her friend. If your anxiety or introversion is so bad that you can't be there for your friends, it is negatively impacting your life and you should work on it. Being neurodivergent or introvert isn't a free pass to be a dick. I don't think OP's best friend will be her friend anymore and I really don't blame her
@@LynetteTheRogue "She didn't even try to compromise" ma'am? she litterally did??? She said that she could attend via video and send a gift, that's a compromise. Also if you know your friend is so introverted she needs an emotional support human just to attend, this might be a crazy idea but, maybe understand that you don't NEED her to come and that you have enough empathy to understand that she would be miserable at your wedding. If her "friend" knew that she was introverted and wasn't big on weddings, then WHY on earth would she expect OP to do so?? Sounds like they weren't much friends at all if her friend is trying to guilt trip/manipulate her into going to a wedding. OP isn't a dick, she's being firm on her boundaries. Her friend is a dick for knowing about them and STILL expecting for OP to break them.
If the friend having the wedding **knew** from the start of the friendship that the OP was not able to do large gatherings, to me that person is being selfish to expect the OP to 'suck it up and come'.
If the wedding was local and OP could escape, then sure, at that point OP could be said to be a little dickish since since they've managed to endure an hour or so in the past for their other friend and loved ones. People who clearly UNDERSTOOD the degree of introversion OP had and appreciated the effort being made on their behalf.
But a destination wedding that would include travel, lodgings, interactions with transport between the venue and hotel and wait staff WITHOUT a familiar retreat to go back to to recharge? Heck no! That is asking way, way too much of folks like the OP. I say this as the extrovert daughter of a hard core introvert and somehow I ended up married to a slightly more sociable introvert. I know how to handle my turtling dear ones.
@@alricaneshama Did you even read the comment? Your reply is confusing.
@@FirstnameLastnames yes, clearly getting a massage doesn't involve a social interaction? the 6 hour flight alone is way more time OP would've spent in an social situation, than they did at their brothers wedding
@@FirstnameLastnames They could, but the OP made it pretty clear that anything other than being at home exhausts them. I mean, every introvert is different and has different tolerances, right?
Somehow, i ended up knowing a feck ton of introverts and making friends with them and the most common theme has been maintaining a friendship through texts, online games and sometimes voice chats. They're always super happy to have a friend that doesn't push their boundaries so the ones who did end up hanging in person didn't feel as stressed because I learned how to quietly vibe around that type.
My mother could barely manage family gatherings 2x a year for her in laws and she'd be visibly exhausted for days afterwards. She did work outside of the house and that drained her so badly that looking back on it, I'm amazed she could function some days.
She is such an introvert, I had to find out *her house burned down* through my cousin. When I asked mum why she didn't call me she just said "Oh..I knew you'd show up to help and I just didn't have the energy for that." (..she was right. I was in the car the next day and at the door to her hotel.)
My husband is similar. He might like to see new places but they are 99% of the time, stuff like hiking or camping out vs going to a movie or festival. i.e. Very LOW population destinations. Otherwise he gets hella worn and stressed out. I know he loves me to the moon and back because he'll accompany me on some high population outings now and then but otherwise is just happy to help me get there and pick me up afterwards.
Your understanding is appreciated 💜
I don't agree with the last one. I'm introvert, got anxiety and gets overstimulated and overwhelmed by social gatherings. Even with family.
I have the issue that i don't want to spend nights away from my safe point, my home, and only way to join my family for Christmas is atm to stay somewhere else aka away from my safe point. So I totally get OP's reluctance to join the wedding. And on top of all that, it's a destination wedding. That includes travel among strangers, lots of sounds and smells and being really far away from the safe point.
Some can handle that, some cannot.
Agree! And if her other friend and brother both were fine with her and know her intovertedness (is that a word?), than her friend getting married should understand this too. If you have a destination wedding you have to accept the fact that not everyone will be able to go.
We miss you Charlotte, so many of us miss our Potato Queen and are worried. Hope all is okay and that you'll come back soon. Sending you hugs and positive light! 🥔👑
Every once in a while, she disappears for a few days. I am sure that she will be back soon.
We will be here for her once she returns. :)
✨🥔✨Yes. We will be here.
Yeah she did this a couple months ago and like every job you need a couple days off she’ll be fine
Yeah that last one is hard to judge if youve never experienced intemse discomfort at a social event. Some people get social anxiety and can handle it, for some people its so intense that it really is impossible. From the soubds of it OP has to put all their spoons into working a job and wont have any leftover for other social obligations (look up spoon theory if you dont know it).
As an introvert with social anxiety I wouldn't go to a destination wedding if you paid me. I can't imagine anything worse than being stuck in a plane for xhours with complete strangers. To go to a place also filled with complete strangers. I get that you have to show up for your friends, but nope. Not to that extreme.
Yeah, like what's the line? How far can a friend make demands they clearly know are outside your boundaries before THEY'RE the asshole, if it's within the bounds of "normal?"
Oh God, the plane trip! I hadn't even thought about the plane trip.
Me too.
As an introvert, I commented above that it's my favorite type of wedding. Really low key regardless of where you are, a plane ride where I don't have to talk to anybody and I listen to my book tape, a bunch of really cool places to explore by myself
And the weddings are really really short, then you just do whatever you want the rest of the time.
I'm not sure how many weddings other people are going to, but you really don't talk to a lot of people unless you're family of the person getting married.
At friend's weddings I meet maybe one or two people and then just do everything by myself.
as an introvert with severe social anxiety i show up regardless because its the nice and supportive thing to do for family and friends that want me to be there. the world doesnt revolve around me and my problems or preferences. its not like we have to go to such social events every damn week, its pretty rare. i hate it i absolutely hate it and wish for nothing else but for it to be over but i do it anyway because its not all about me at the end of the day. leaving your comfort zone is not always a bad thing as well. staying in it for too long only makes these interactions even worse over time.
I hear Charlotte’s voice say “and these are the consequences of your actions” in my head now when I do something stupid.
For me it's 'how are you not EMBARRASSED' 😂
that's the one for me too. in a funny accent lol@@CourtneyBeriault
how are you not EMBAARRAAAASSSED
Or the famous, "How are you not EMbaaraaaaassed!!!!" 😂
@@CourtneyBeriaultexactly haha!
@@CourtneyBeriaultexactly, me too lol.
The whole flying 6 hours to a destination wedding by yourself to talk with people you don't know seems like a living hell to someone like me. I've felt like this after a 30 minute drive to a wedding so 6 hours is a lot... I would think the best friend could understand and they could have a make up event to celebrate the union.
Some of my friends who've had expensive weddings in far away places have done this for their friends who couldn't carve out the time or money for a fancy European or Indian Wedding.
I totally feel that last one. I've only recently found out that I'm probably autistic and I've gone my whole life not knowing because I am very high-masking. Social events, especially with a lot of people, absolutely wear me out and I have to be away from people for days if not weeks afterward (except work). The hardest things to endure are conventions and similar events (weddings, big parties, etc). The only way I tolerate going to conventions is by having a lot of "escapes" from the convention. My bestie and I go together and make sure the hotel room is ALWAYS free of crazy, as well as free of people we do not know. I could endure a wedding that went on for a few hours with an escape route available, as OP did. I absolutely would NOT go to a destination wedding and spend a ton of money to be crammed into a hotel room with three or more people I probably do not know, spend DAYS interacting with these people who are unfamiliar with my need to have a quiet space, be around even MORE people I do not know at the wedding, and have ZERO escape routes. This happened to me at Anime Expo. I had no escape route because I was in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar people in our room and upwards of 100k people attending the convention. I was on the verge of an autistic breakdown and was very lucky my friend helped me find a side hallway nobody was using to sit me down and keep the demons away. When I'm in breakdown mode, that's all I see. Loud, angry monsters all around me.
24/7 maskers unite.
I've wondered more and more as we learn more about Asperger's especially. My mom is very agoraphobic suffers with anxiety and depression, as did most of the women on that side of the family.
When I was younger I forced myself to ignore the physical pain I have from rare genetic illnesses and horrible endometriosis with a permanent migraine and then ovarian cysts every month. At least that is over. At 34 my periods just stopped. Not menopause, my body was so overwhelmed with kidney stones, bleeding ulcers, Endo, migraines it just shut my periods down.
As my other problems got worse, I slowly approached friends, told them where I was, and why I wanted to change the terms of our relationship. That I couldn't reciprocate, and if some wouldn't accept that, then I would tell them that I was just going to value my health over public gatherings, or write it off to being selfish.
I was trying to be up front and say, I can't be there for you. I love you but I don't want to take and not give, and I can't be a 50/50 friend.
I had one friend who understood, she's been sick her whole life, too, but she never gives up on anyone. So I have one friend, and we both have boundaries and love each other.
If a friend won't accept the boundaries, even after I've exited from every social scene, then I give up and if they see it as selfish, then I'm selfish. I wonder if that is similar for OP. I never knew that other people were like me on this topic. It's been a surprise to see the comments on this one. It's actually a I relief. One less thing to beat myself up over.
I was really good at masking until my prelim. diagnosis, until I thought one day - I'm not doing it anymore.. now I feel freedom! I'm too long in the tooth to worry about beating myself up for being, what I used to describe myself as 'weird' - now I love who I am. Yes I have only 1 close friend, but I am at least free to be and feel like the real me. xx
@@sleeplikealoghub Embracing the weird is such a relief!!
An invitation is just that - an invitation. And “No” is one of two responses and completely valid. You do not have to give any reasoning or justification to turning down an invitation, nor should you be guilted into providing one and then having to defend yourself. People give support in different ways, and for many many people destination weddings are not a feasible option for a wide variety of reasons - and each one is completely valid. That does not make them less of a friend or less supportive.
The bride is using a manipulative attitude towards her friend
💯
Thank you. Really disappointed in Charlotte’s feelings towards this. No is a complete sentence. Plus people act like getting married is this huge lifetime achievement, discounting many other milestones along the way that OP or others would be more likely to show up for. Her friend needs to get over herself and consider OP’s feelings that they clearly expressed many times before.
"No" is indeed a valid response to an invitation. Some of my relatives were apologetic about saying no to my invitation, since they felt obliged to be there for some or other reason. I stressed to them that I did not mind a jot receiving a no. I was asking my family and friends to go to another country (not a destination wedding, as it was local to my in-laws' family) so I expected quite a few nos. Considering all the logistics, I was more annoyed by the people who never replied and we had to chase!
The introvert may very possibly be undiagnosed neurodivergent and is doing her best to self care without understanding why.
Girls are typically undiagnosed completely and the ones who are can be in the 50’s before it’s considered a thing to get help for.
I support her decision to be a friend, send a gift, and support her friend in a way that’s good for both of them.
Exactly! I sense autism actually.
I didn’t get my autism diagnosis til I was almost 30/early 30s and dealt with traumatic events I was forced to “suck it up” for 🙃 I definitely sense being undiagnosed because that’s what happened with me and then a lot of accommodations were finally available and suddenly I was better at functioning, what an idea (/s)
But yes I was feeling the same way while watching that story
I think after we’ve spent a lifetime undiagnosed then finally find out we can explain the why of our struggle it puts us into a place with others like us so there’s a community of how to human with our own special skills. So it seems like relatable undiagnosed is easily noticed.
I wish I had all of this growing up, but at my age any mental diagnoses means infantilism bullying and shame by adults and inability to be a human.
But it would have helped my relationships my parenting and my career choices immensely.
So happy you figured it out too. Treatments for children are just now becoming less than traumatic conversion therapies when every child is immediately a special ed short bus school life.@@TheAncientGeekoRoman
The recluse isn't the a hole. The friend knew she was a recluse and that she didn't like large gatherings.
Trying to force someone to do something you know they are against makes the bride the a hole.
For the last story, I very much feel that the poster had every right to not attend the destination wedding for any reason. That's how invitations work - you don't have to say yes to them. My issue was how they still kept everything about themselves, even after the friend confronted them with their hurt feelings. It was "you set us up for failure with your expectations" rather than "I'm sorry this didn't go how you wanted, but I am the way I am. I hope we can still be friends." Of course, we don't know word for word what they said to each other, so maybe their personal conversation was different and the friend was still not understanding and just hurt, but from how the post is written I was just annoyed. Like, yes, you're a free agent who can do what you want, but you can't be surprised when sometimes that hurts others. You also can't just brush that off as "Well, you should've known better."
I agree except that I think that when someone invites you to a wedding there is an expectation that you will attend. There are very few reasons why a person can refuse to go to a wedding without looking like an asshole (i.e. funeral, not enough money, etc.). Weddings are one of the few things where if you are a friend/family member that you are expected to go because it's an acknowledgment that you love that person and want them to be happy and share that with them. If you aren't going, it's because there's something seriously wrong. People need to understand that when a person invests their time into a friend and that you benefit from that friendship, then there are responsibilities that come with that. It sounds to me like the introvert doesn't care enough about anyone to come to their wedding (did it to friend #1 already) and that the loyalty is greater on the bride's part than the introvert's part. That's a toxic friendship. If she has a mental illness than there are a number of ways to deal with that. For one, if her anxiety is this bad that she can't even go to the best friend's wedding, then she needs therapy. Two, there are medications to help you relax while you're there. Three, accommodations could be made for the introvert to help her be there. But the introvert just flat-out refused to go. She's even in denial because she claims that she's just an extreme introvert rather than being truthful that she has social anxiety. She has all the signs of it. Her denial is causing problems both in her life and her friend's. She should see a therapist to help her with this.
You are right. Don't put all the blame on your friend. She is allowed to be sad as your are allowed for not wanting to go.
@@jessicaarmstrong5035it's a wedding invitation Jessica, not a summons.
Considering OP expressly stated early in the friendship that they don't like socializing or anything very much, the friend needed to have adjusted their expectations thusly. Or just not been friends. Why do introverts have to be understanding of extroverts wants but not the other way around. OPs other friend was perfectly understanding, because they accepted OP for who they are. We cannot have expectations for others that they're not able to maintain. Especially when that person made who they are clear to us.
@@jessicaarmstrong5035 What interactions with that OP have you had and what professional credentials do you have to make any kind of determination that OP has any sort of disorder? Even IF OP has some sort of social disorder, who is going to be paying for her therapy, medications, etc., so that they can show up for this friend's wedding? OP was clear about who she was from the very start. Friend 1 accepted her as she was and her brother accepted her just as she was. THAT is love, THAT is friendship. They shared a special moment with what best suited both sides and they carried on. OP offered an alternative and Friend 2 shot that down. Friend 2 also could have made more of an effort to negotiate other ideas that could lead to a compromise but they didn't do that, so why is the onus solely on OP?
For the male/female best friend wedding issue…There is actually an ENTIRE JULIA ROBERTS MOVIE WHICH ADDRESSES THIS! It’s called, “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”
Love that movie!
I love that movie it’s such a valuable lesson to not let things pass and not taking advantage of your loved ones.
When I was listening to this, I honestly started to wonder if someone was just posting the plot to that movie acting like it was real life on Reddit. Hahaha!
@ak8990 that's how I feel reading some of the stories but part of me feels like there are people deluded enough to do this thinking they're the main character.
@@itsjustmaddisen indeed…while we are supposed to be the main characters in our own lives, solid lead, we are not supposed to be the main character in the life of another. Your best friend is getting married? Know your damned place. 💯🙂
3) Her story shows me she tries to leave her comfortzone, like for het brother’s wedding, but a destination one is just too big a step and that’s ok
I think she's just plain done sacrificing herself for others. I get that. Putting others first and going above and beyond only gets you exploited and drained. @@FirstnameLastnames
I think she does but she just doesn’t know what to do about it as she hits her boundaries and feels shitty about it but also can’t overcome her mental troubles. She sounds somewhat autistic but that’s just me
Honestly I'd be willing to loose a friend if they insisted I go to a destination wedding. Weddings are supposed to just be a big party and it's ok to not go to a party 🤷♀️ My best friend would understand though and it wouldn't put even a dent in our relationship. Because real best friends know you to your core and love you anyways.
I don't understand this whole destination wedding taboo... does everyone expect events to always be held near where they live for them specifically to attend? My bf and I had to go clear across the country, United States, for a wedding... it wasn't a 'destination wedding' for the bride and groom because it was near where they live... but for us it wouldn't have been that big of a difference if they decided to hold it on a beach in Maui, ffs. It's not about YOU, it's about THEM.
yes i have sensory overload and fibromyalgia and being around people for long periods actually make very sick even causing a flare up.
Me too! All of my friend totally understand or they’re not my friends. My best friend is very extroverted and travels and does a lot of things that I can’t do. When she slows down and comes home, she spends time with me. We’ve been friends for 35+ years. We may go weeks or months without seeing or hearing from you each other. I don’t slow her down by trying to keep up with her. She slows down for me. That’s a real friend.
The last story, I agree with OP. Putting their physical and emotional needs first is important. They know they can’t handle it and that’s valid. You can show up for your friend in more than one way.
On the twelve days of Christmas, Charlotte gave to me!
Twelve Reddit A Holes,
Eleven awkward break-ups,
Ten greedy liars,
Nine crazy ex’s,
Eight ruined dresses,
Seven bad proposals,
Six gold diggers,
Five bridezilas!!
Four crappy weddings,
Three toxic in-laws,
Two cheating spouses,
And a petty Christmas night!
Can we get this comment pinned lol 😂. Awsome
This is a great idea
This would be amazing, but a lot of work for Charlotte :)
I sang this
@@lillyvaughn5398 same!
The last one, for me is NTA. Even if is my bestfriend and I know how she is, I will understand her emotions of the situation you dont want to be physically but you can via online.
I almost never disagree with you, but I do on that last one.
I didn’t even go to my dad’s funeral in 2019. I’ve never been to a funeral. The only wedding I’ve ever been to was my brother’s wedding in 2002.
I don’t do these things. I don’t go to weddings, funerals, parties. I get it, I’m not a fun time. That’s why I explain myself to people whenever it seems there’s a potential bond or friendship. I let people know how I am and the OP definitely seems to have explained how they are.
I also don’t date anyone seriously, like a relationship, I’ve never wanted kids or wanted to be married. All of these things make people look at you funny and it makes it very difficult to form friendships with people. I don’t think a close friend should expect OP to attend a destination wedding. If they’re that close of friends, there should be an understanding.
Girl same! I never disagree with her! But if you’re doing things because you feel obligated, then what’s the point? I never EVER want my friends to show up to something because they feel obligated. I only want them there if they want to be there. It is totally ok to tell your friends, “I love you, but I don’t want to be there” if they really love you, and value your friendship, they’ll understand. Period!
U didn’t went to ur father funeral? Like what?
Your own father's funeral? that's one of those things where it's not about you honestly the way you are not wanting to be around anyone I'm surprised you have any relationships including family
I can understand if u didn't wanna attend 1 he did some bad stuff to u 2 he caused you lots of trauma
but just because ur introverted or socially awkward doesn't make it right for you to skip ur fathers funeral imagine this if you die alone in ur own home and no one discovered ur body do you know how sad that is? If you and ur dad are just aren't in good terms or something like that still doesn't give you the right at all here plus you do know you could just visit ur father funeral or sit behind the church and leave a few mins you don't even communicate to anyone at all! Easy that simple someone's we all have to suck it up just say hi and leave that simple...
Just at least let him see you one last time before he is buried or burnt I will definitely show up to my own father funeral no matter what unless like I said bad stuff happen to u okay got it understood if not ur a literally bad person seriously. Even when my grandma funeral my own sick mother went even despite her hating people talking about her but u know what she could care less as long as she could see grandma that's all that matters to her so what people talk to you grow up seriously
Destination weddings are such a joke. Thats for the wealthy planning to invite only other wealthy people. For the average person its never reasonable to be asked to invest over 1k in someone elses wedding. Travel, accommodations, wedding outfit, food, wedding gift. Just, no. It doesnt cost money to e someones friend, if it does, you need better friends. 🤷🏻♀️
Didn't it used to be that a destination wedding is supposed to be mostly paid for, including travel and accommodations, by the couple? Otherwise they were just supposed to be very intimate, with people who agreed beforehand.
I agree it's a waste of money. It also excludes a lot of good people who would like to attend.
Exactly this.
@@mstb2023 There are plenty of cheaper alternatives to get to said destination. And like you said, destination weddings are announced months if not a year ahead of time giving the attendees plenty of time to save money. Maybe I just don't like the excuse of "just because" and using introverted as an excuse. Social battery being drained is also not an excuse. There are plenty of introverted people in the workforce that have to force themselves to be extroverted to do their job. OP's job right now is being a friend. If OP can't go, at least give a good reason. The "reasons" they listed weren't reasons but poorly managed excuses.
@@echung168’cheaper alternatives’? No one knows where OP lives or where the wedding is. 6 hours’ flight isn’t something that can be done in a cheaper alternative, even if it doesn’t require flying over water.
That introvert one: I had friends that wanted me in their bridal party but didn’t. They knew I had anxiety and am very introverted, so they chose to have me as a guest instead for my comfort. I’ve said no to going to events 10 minutes away; fuck a destination wedding
I understand, but everything OP said in that post and how she said it shows enough to me that she's an AH of a person, in my opinion. She could have explained why she wouldn't go but instead she basically said yeah me me me I'm more important your feelings don't matter to me, that's what her friend heard so ofc the friend is upset lmao
@@tatianadelgado4867 to me it just seemed like she was very blunt, which added to my feeling she is neurodivergent. A lot of nd people are blunt like that. And it would explain her energy drain for something like a destination wedding
@tatianadelgado4867 nah nah, you're the asshole for expecting an extreme introvert to travel 6 hours to a destination wedding for you. Why would you still have to explain that you're an extreme introvert after being best friends for years💀
Charlotte where are you? It’s been two days I need my daily dose of Charlotte.
Anyone else keep checking to see if she posted a new vid 😢
My uncle is one of those who was exhausted by social situations. To be fair, most of my family is, but he'd literally would dissappear mid Thanksgiving or Christmas to take a nap. He always showed up, and we also accepted it as normal.
Your uncle sounds relatable to me :D I don't go to sleep but I eventually start to yawn and feel very tired around people... I guess I managed to build up some tolerance in certain settings like work but if it's family events or sth., I can't help it.
This is the way!
My social battery gets shorter by the day, but i would still show up for my friends if there wasn't the issue of work or medical emergencies. If I needed a break, there was a comfy couch where I could park my rear and it wasn't an issue if I just started doom scrolling for several minutes to an hour if I needed a break. I still showed up.
The first girl has what i call main character syndrome. Shes living out a young adult fiction novel, of which she is the main character. She is living out all the best crazy dramatic arcs she ever read when she was 13. That was in no way appropriate. She wanted the whole "i love you too, lets elope" but she got the more realistic end of her friendship
I just came to make sure I wasn’t the only one still looking for todays video lol
Are you alright Charlotte? You haven't posted in two days. Sending positive vibes 🧘🏾♀️🫴✨
First story, OP is 1000% the ahole. She's had decades to confess feelings and only decides to say something on her supposed "best friend's" wedding night? All she's done is make her friend feel uncomfortable and upset. Shame on the other friend for encouraging this horrible choice.
The other friend thought she was the kooky supporting character in a cheesy rom com movie 🙄
@@Rosie-ij3on - And OP is the trope I loathe in romance books. The best friend who never confessed feelings until the main character discovers their love interest, then suddenly the best friend becomes love rival because “I’m the one who was always there.” Exactly, you were always there so why didn’t you say something before?!
@@Rikrobat100%
@@Rikrobat The guy obviously has never had romantic feelings for her, and he was right in seeing their relationship as plutonic. Trust me, if he had even an inkling of romantic feelings towards her at any time during the decades they were friends, he would have acted on it.
She ruined a good thing, a lifelong friendship wiped out forever. They may be civil now, but she destroyed any trust he ever had in her. If I were him, I'd go no contact.
She "friend zoned" him until it finally hit that he wouldn't be her fallback anymore.
“I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t tell him.”
Yeah and now you regret telling him because (big plot twist coming) telling a newly married man you love him on his wedding day, made him not want to be around you.
I know the brain likes to go “but what if…” and such, but sometimes it’s better to shut that down, and logically think through the consequences of your actions, and how it might effect the other person.
And if he mattered that much, his happiness and your friendship should be more important, then you telling him this.
WHERE HAS OUR QUEEN GONE😭😭😭
I hope you are doing alright! Missed you the last two days and just hope your well! Sending love! I watch your videos everyday
I’d say the person who says she doesn’t have social anxiety, actually does, going to a destination wedding, when they know how she is, is an unreasonable expectation.
I was about to say that too! I am genuinely curious about whether or not you could be THAT introverted without having some kind of disorder.
Sometimes it is good to nudge the people you love to grow and push beyond their comfort zone. OP is full of excuses. I have used her excuse many times. She doesn't push herself nor practice so her body doesn't have that extreme reaction. One can train your mind and body to calm down.
You rlly just said “oh well turn the anxiety off!! Get used to it🫶” ur so wild what even
I’m an introvert, damn near a recluse. I absolutely hate social events unless they are work related.
I have vetoed my family vacation because it’s 12 siblings plus spouses plus 8 nieces and nephews! It was over 20 people, I just couldn’t do it. It was going to be hell for me NOT a vacation.
My best friend invited me to her destination birthday party with about 10 people and I politely declined. She knew I was going to say no. Just extended the offer just in case. We have been friends for over 20 years, so she knows me. Most of the people going I knew, I just didn’t want to be around that many people at once. It’s too much for me.
I have never been diagnosed with social anxiety because I can be social with people when I need/want to be, but I prefer to stay to myself.
I have the same issue as this person there is ways to compromise they just don't want to do it. At some point only caring about yourself and your own comfort above any relationship in your life is extremely selfish. I don't like having friends that are completely one-sided in friendship I'd be a hypocrite if I acted like that person. I personally think they are being completely selfish.
I have learned that you have to consider your own needs. i am autistic and have a limited amount of time that i can handle being around people. a destination wedding is a big ask even for normal people. If OP has issues with being around people then i don't see a problem with her maintaining her boundaries. she knows what she needs and is sticking to it. I would have suggested doing something with her friend before or after her big day to celebrate the wedding in a way that she is comfortable. If she is missing out on a wedding then it is probably a serious issue.
I think Charlotte is coming at this from being neuronormal and just can grasp that it doesn't matter how close we are with someone, we aren't going. I am married, but got married on my deck with just the officiant, my spouse and my dogs in attendance, it was perfect and I have been married 20 years.
It's really hard for most people to understand what it's like to be forced into social situations when it feels like it might kill you, but we're not assholes for taking care of our own mental health. I wish people were more sympathetic to 'invisible' issues, especially those concerning mental health. Just bc they don't experience it doesn't mean it's ridiculous to think someone else does. Hope that makes sense lol
I immediately thought she may be neurodivergent. Which, you have to add up the energy accounting for travelling (which will sap her of energy) and then the social engagements, being out of her comfort zone, and a lack of avenue for escape.
I'm autistic and my family already knows I leave social functions early.
If I had to go to a destination wedding, I would have to weigh up how important that person is to me to risk burnout for, and I'd probably have to travel a few days in advance and leave a few days late so I can recover energy between travel and the wedding. Also ensure my hotel was close enough to escape to if the ceremony and reception got too much
I disagree somewhat. I also get heavily drained from social situations and have been at that point at work where I have to go cry somewhere because just being in the room is overwhelming (my mental health is...well, I'm working on it). But a wedding is a huge moment in a person's life and personally I think it's something to prepare yourself to go to. Yeah, destination weddings are another story, but if OP has the ability to go, then that seems solved at least on its face. As for the rest, the OP should talk to their friend and be less flippant about it (or at least less than they seemed in their post) and really make sure they know how bad their issues can feel. They could compromise in ways they aren't even considering, like showing up just for the ceremony and photos or leaving when it's too much. Just the effort should be appreciated and show how they want to support their friend. As it stands, it sounds like they're like "nah, don't feel like it. You know I don't like socializing" which could feel like a slap in the face to their friend. It's selfish to not even try.
Right. I think the way people are considerate toward others' financial budgets, they should be considerate toward others' mental, emotional, and social budgets. OP has laid out how they have a much lower social budget than others. They even apparently put forth this expectation for their friend in the past. Just as a destination wedding is costly financially, it is more costly in those ways I listed above. You have to spend all those types of energy on travel, staying in a strange place away from your routines, dealing with airport, airline, and hotel and resort staff just to get along, and preparing for a wedding out of a hotel. OP might have all their energy spent before they even get to the venue. And just because we can't quantify our energies, people discount them, unlike with money.
Maybe OP could go to this wedding, but what would the following week look like for them? What kind of guest would they be? Would their friend even be pleased to see them, or would they get pissed about their attitude if they were low energy and miserable? When you know yourself and your limits and people don't believe you and just think you're selfish and choosing to throw a fit, rather than that you are exhausted and literally can't summon one more ounce of energy, it's very disheartening. I honestly don't need friends like that, and such an attitude is alienating me from my family. I can't force myself to be different. Other people could change their attitudes, though.
Hope you’re ok Charlotte - I feel like something has changed in your life! Here for you bestie x
Where is our potato queen!
I have to say, if my friend was open and clear over our entire friendship that they do not do weddings/parties/events, then I would also not expect them to come to one of mine. I do not want someone at my wedding who does not attend willingly and joyfully. Seems she was happy for her friend getting married, just had no need or want to be there. That would have been enough for me.
That would have been enough for me to not bother being friends with someone like that. Why should I be the one putting in all the effort all the time? Some of ya'll have never known a narcissist, and it shows.
@@jaclynns.jungleEquating introverts to narcissists actually seems like a narc move yourself........
@@jaclynns.junglelook who's the narcissist 😂 who said they don't put an effort into the friendship?? Where did you pick that up from? You seem like an exhausting person to be friends with 😂
@@jaclynns.junglealso how shallow of a person do you have to be to *dislike* someone who simply isn't into social events
@jennamarie2481 nah, I'm actually a narcissistic abuse survivor, and I know how to spot these people early on, so i stay away from them. But way to go victim blaming and supporting abuse 👍🏻
The thing with the destination wedding is that if the person had ended up going anyway and therefore gotten very exhausted, they would probably have ended up being called an a-hole anyway. Because when you get tired to that extreme level from just a little bit of social interaction, going to that wedding would in all likelihood make them tired to the point of not being able to function like a human being. They would be considered rude, grumpy, moody, and maybe even be accused of making it all about them and taking attention from the bride and all that, simply because they wouldn't have ANY energy left to put towards being nice, friendly, happy and all that.
Who else is missing their daily dose of Charlotte????
Me
Did I misss something?
Same!! I'm all kinds of messed up cuz my daily routine Is all messed up lol
same here
Hope she is OK!
charlotte posted on her community section of her youtube a few hours ago. She just needs a break, very reasonable, but she is fine so no one worry
My daughter (23) finally figured out that she is on the autism spectrum / neurodivergent and can feel really stressed out about certain social situations to the point that she just cannot show up. Before all the education I have been learning, I totally would have agreed with those people saying that the person not going to the destination wedding was the AH and should totally get over herself, but now I don't think that way. If friends know, like really know how, their friend will react to the wedding then that friend should not be upset when the stressed-out friend refuses to go.
How did she go about getting diagnosed? Because im in the same position and same age trying to figure it all out
I’ve been scrolling through the comments hoping that someone would highlight the points that you did, thank you!!! It’s so easy for people to say “I relate to you, it’s hard for me too, but I just suck it up” when they are neurotypical or don’t suffer from the same restrictions others do. It’s not as simple or as black and white as I personally think it’s been put… don’t get me wrong, I showed up to my friends wedding but it was such an incredibly difficult and draining thing for me to do that I couldn’t leave my bed for 5 days until I had to go back to work. There are so many things that I have missed going to because I simply can’t… I scream at myself in my thoughts to get over it or get up and go but it doesn’t seem to work.
I really hope your daughter has found her diagnosis life changing (for the better) and is learning more about herself. I can completely relate and you are 100% right about friends and family who really know… otherwise those people are actually expecting people to “get over” their restrictions for their feelings. Works both ways I think. It’s okay to be disappointed or hurt for having someone miss something so important to us but having an open mind and understanding is incredibly important.
Personally it’s a no win situation.
@@brookesiviour6833 you are assuming that the people that say to suck it up are neurotypical and dont suffer from the same restrictions as others but a lot of us (just like you) still suck it up despite all of that which shows we can put others before ourselves which isnt always a bad thing. its okay to prioritize yourself most of the time but sometimes you do just have to endure it for the sake of someone you supposedly cherish and care about. life isnt a perfect bubble where you never have to go out of your comfort zone unfortunately. for people like us just leaving your home can be draining and extremely stressful, going to work, shopping for groceries, accepting a delivery at your door, socializing with family, even friends or colleagues and bosses ... it all can be so very difficult but people cant act like you shouldnt ever put others before your comfort because of this.
@Vivianiubu my daughter got tested at 20 through testing at one of our local hospital systems... there are specialists in mental health and psychiatry... we already suspected but wasn't tested when younger because she had other issues that took precedence...
She could have been tested through her university as well but we went with her life long pediatrician recommendation... getting the diagnosis explained so much and has really helped her organize her life better... she has never used her issues as an excuse but we all understand there are just some things she will never do. (Example will never go to a concert, professional sports game etc)...
@vivianiubu. She went to a psych doctor that specializes in autistic people.
That introvert is NOT the AH as I am the EXACT same. She can’t even deal with FAMILY for extended periods of time yet is expected to endure the stress, pressure, awkwardness & expenses of a wedding to suit her friend who quite clearly doesn’t respect her as her friend to understand that would be her BFF worse most uncomfortable NIGHTMARE to put her in & she also came up with a perfectly reasonable solution that wouldn’t have cost the bride anything other than consideration. Unless you’re that way inclined, you’ll never understand it but I am & so do 💯 ❤
a weeklong destination trip at that.
We feel silly for being so worried about someone I don't really know...but we've been watching Charlotte daily since her IO days. We're worried about you, Charlotte. I hope you're just having a restful break. Our 17 year old grew up watching Charlotte. Sending you lots of love from my whole family in Nashville TN. ❤❤❤
Charlotte, I’m having a pretty depressing day today. Thank you for being my friend through the screen❤️
I hope things will get better soon for you❤️(virtual hug if accepted)
As a guy, for the first story, I can't help but feel somewhere homeboy asked her out, She rejected him, They continued being friends, He knew nothing was going to happen, friendzoned her, found somebody and NOW She's regretting it.. That's the kind of energy I get when reading that story.
Definitely. I agree.
This is exactly what i thought.
Maybe. It would be easy for OP to leave that out, or possibly even forget it outright if it happened a very long time ago. Something like that could explain why he started crying.
She said he never asked.
Maybe, but also maybe not? She was young enough to be a freshman and he a senior, so he could’ve easily looked at her as a sister too. I’d buy it more if they were closer in age, but they didn’t even spend middle school together. He was always the older one. And I really would be a little sus about a freshman eyeing a sixth grader.
And maybe college would’ve been better for it, but they lost touch during that time.
The "friend" who told OP to confess her love to the groom on his wedding day sounds like a moron or a sociopath. What a stupid idea. There was no way that could have ended well. 😬
Yessssss!!! Life isn't a 'Lifetime Movie Netwok' production 😆 How the EFF did they expect this to go?!
Run away from the new wife, THOUSANDS of dollars spent on the wedding, and their families?! Hahahaha or was everyone just going to say OMG finally and the new wife meets a hot guy at her ruined wedding? You know, full view of water or some shit, she's sitting on stairs, and the hot guy brings her some alcohol and it completely washes away the shit show that is her life 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 so they can makeout and soften the blow of her husband and his best friends betrayal?!
Omg I feel like that would be a Ryan Reynolds gin commercial lmao, at the end Ryan walks in with jeans on, bottle in hand.
"Here, for your shitty life, drink gin"
Commercial Ends. 😄
Pot stirrer.
Thats what happens when people watch too many romantic movies lol
Did she expect him to dump his wife at his wedding night and have a romantic dinner with OP instead? What was the plan? Why did she tell him such things right in front of his bedroom with his wife waiting? If I was the wife I would go nuts. And he cried? What a shit friend. She just ruined a wedding night on purpose because of jelousy, not because of love.
I didn’t realize I rely on you to have my lunch with me😂 ❤
It’s been two days and I’m trying not to freak out without my daily therapy! Lol. Love ya Charlotte! See you soon potato Queen!
Sameee i keep checking everyday. Everybody needs a break!! Hope she's doing okay ❤
I know Charlotte kind of hinted at this, but i wanted to clarify a bit about neurodivergent experience for those who've never lived it. As an Autistic individual, I sympathize with OP in the last story. OP says socializing drains them, they might mean something far greater than the normal "I get tired because I'm introverted." Personally, I can suffer from like a week of exhaustion from some large social events. Like I can't cook or clean for myself for a week after, or it will trigger a bout insomnia. I'm at risk of having public meltdowns, migranes and nausea, or sometimes I can't talk anymore when I'm really overwhelmed. These are all more my extreme symptoms, and don't necessarily happen for all social events...more just things like large weddings. I don't know OP's situation, but please be aware that not everyone can or even wants to get a diagnosis. OP may just be making it through life as best they can by communicating their boundaries. It may feel like an extreme boundary to you from the outside, but given that these two are close friends, the bride probably is already aware of OP's realistic limitations. Maybe they could talk together about what accommodations might support OP being there? But especially with it being a destination wedding which is bound to be expensive, I think the bride needs to respect OP's clear boundary.
Yup. As an autistic person, OP sounds exactly like me before the plague when I didn't work from home. It was so exhausting that by the weekend I used to have a fever
Not autistic, but ADHD with cyclothymia and generalized anxiety disorder, just adding that for some of us NDs, over-stimulation is physically painful. Drag a cheese grater over your skin firmly enough to raise welts; that's what human voices physically feel like to me when I hit the wall. I also can wind up with migraine-style halos around motion. And that wall isn't a predictable and stable place where I can easily tell where it is and avoid it; the damn thing moves on its own, sneaks up like a damn ninja wall, and has been known to crash down on me like a ton of bricks. Hopefully the bride can stop feeling butthurt that her friend is being consistently the same person as they've ever been and stop to listen to OP.
Also OP consider attending online wedding and give the bride gift in her favour in return tho. And she excuse herself waaay before the wedding, sounds like OP still try to manage to fit in her friend wedding. Just because destination wedding is nice doesn't mean everyone need to suck it up. My boyfriend is quite good at socializing but has such a low social bar. To the point where even if we go to some destination he choose to be on hotel room all day alone or with me. There are other people like this and people just disregard it and tell them to 'suck it up'.
Not autistic or at least not diagnosed as many people assume I may be on the spectrum but I legit had an aura migraine when I found out that more people were coming to thanksgiving dinner and I didn't have the time to mentally prepare for the extra guests. Introversion isn't just a simple lol I get tired earlier talking to people. It can be a lot more depending on the severity of introversion and especially at a destination wedding where most people are probably going to be sharing a hotel room then there is no escaping to "me time" and even if you did get your own room I feel like this friend will still pressure OP to be out and in the group.
Went Christmas shopping yesterday and I had nightmares the days leading up to it and last night after it. Like I think I’m okay and I’m great at masking but I’m so fkin drained today from just spending that much time near that many people.
Charlottes “I get it” was very much proof that she does not in fact ‘get it’ 😅
Last story: you can support your friend in any way. And she did say she'll follow the wedding online and give them a gift upon return which means she'll meet them personally. I dont understand why people demand that you should always be there physically to show support. It would be nice if theyre present physically but its also okay if they cant if they show effort in some way.
Ah, but CAN'T or WON'T is the important distinction there. If they CAN'T be there because of an actual allergy or other medical condition, because of travel expenses, because someone dies, etc...then no NTAH. WON'T be there because they just don't want to, then yeah you're TAH. OP said she doesn't have anxiety or anything, just finds it draining. Life is draining for everyone, suck it up buttercup. Passing on going to the movies because it's a Friday night and too crowded for your tastes so you suggest going on a Wednesday instead or watching a movie at home together, NTAH. Never spending time together ever and always saying it's because you just don't want to, kinda TAH.
@@jdwinks40Exactly!! That’s the whole point of a friendship (a best friend no less); to show up for them when they need you and vice versa. That means that sometimes you might have to do something that makes you uncomfortable, but you do it, because you value your friend and friendship. To me, it sounds like OP just doesn’t care enough, and can’t be bothered.
An invitation is not a summons or an obligation. It’s for the invitee to decide.
@@jdwinks40 No. That's super fucking entitled to expect your friends will drain themselves possibly to the point of having to take days or weeks to recover, when they have already told you and you WELL KNOW they don't do that sort of thing because of how they don't like that sort of situation. "Life is draining for everyone suck it up" I"m sorry, like... you want your friends to be there and be miserable? Anyone who would prefer their friends make themselves miserable to cater to them and their plans is a shitty friend and frankly I think that OP deserves a better friend.
11:43 I disagree, I mean she made her boundaries clear from the beginning. Yeah it would of meant a lot to the friend, but boundaries exist to not be bulldozed and ignored.
Spend thousands to go to someone else’s destination wedding? That’s a big NO for me. Also, child free weddings, that’s a no as well. People are free to have any wedding they want, I am also free to decline the invitation if it puts undo stress on me or my family
First story: One of my best friends and I did not meet as friends, we loved each other deeply but our timing was off. We made peace with it, we put boundaries in place, and took the space we needed from one another to process our romantic feelings for each other and let them go. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But it was entirely worth it because she's one of the best people I've ever had the privilege of meeting and I desperately want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. That's what you're supposed to do for people you claim to love.
YES!! mic drop!!!!
THIS! 1000% this! I commend you and your friend on your emotional maturity and strength of character❤
So I’m invited to a friend’s destination wedding and I chose not to go, money considerations, time considerations, stress considerations or just disinclined for any reason. This means I’ve failed the friendship test. But it isn’t a friendship test failure to try to guilt trip or shame my friend to cross a very clear boundary that they set. 🤷🏻♀️
Effing thank you!! Few others seem to realize that the last op set boundaries very early on and the bride disregarded them anyway because it was her special day. Op made a special effort in her own way. But op is the bad friend?
@@Amanita._.Verosa._.not going to your best friends wedding simply because you don’t want to still makes you an asshole. No other way around it. She’s still a shitty ass friend lmao. You people are pathetic thinking you deserve friends after not treating them as friends at all
couldn't have put it better myself
Lol thank you guys. I dont feel alone is the sound logic.
God. People want honesty and when ur upfront it seems to make no difference or they get upset... im at a loss 😅
Here's the thing, though: it wasn't about the money. It was simply about the fact that OP wasn't willing to go, period. Not going to a destination wedding due to money is understandable, but OP sounds like the type of person who wants things, including other people's lives on their terms. Friendships are 2 way streets. In order to make them work, both people have to give and get. I could understand if OP didn't want to go due to money, but that wasn't the issue. So, with that, OP could've gone back to their room and used the rest of their time as a vacation. To not go simply because you don't want to socialize when the whole purpose is to be there for your friend is kind of messed up, especially since OP isn't willing to compromise.
I think in general if you want to have a destination wedding you have to expect that not everyone will be able to go. I know this case is different because it’s more about social anxiety. But I had to turn down a destination wedding because I couldn’t afford the flight, hotel, and didn’t have the time to take off work. Maybe this last part is a purely American situation- but a lot of our jobs don’t offer a lot of leave and even ones that do often make you wait a year before you have access to those hours.
I'm freaking out😢 2days without a video from you... I'm lost🤪
Hope all is ok! Your videos are the highlight of my day😊
for the last story: why would I force my friend to come to my wedding and knowing I will put that friend in an uncomfortable situation?! Respecting the boundaries of my friend is important in my eyes. I would invite that friend but never expect them to accept my invitation. I'm sure doing a small supper between us as a celebration could be done too. There is other options then forcing someone to do something they don't like in the name of MY PERSONAL INTEREST. lol
Often when people get married abroad they have a small civil wedding first. Why not have OP go to that one instead of barging past all of her boundaries regarding her own peace?
I just wouldn't be friends with OP. She's clearly a selfish person with no life coping skills, and that's not a functional adult anyone should wanna be around. Yet everyone just wants to continue to make excuses for these people and treat them like snowflakes. Our society isn't gonna last long like this. Who's gonna run things when everyone is too afraid to talk to each other or leave their house? 😂😂 ya'll are a special breed
💯! OP even established a boundary around wedding attendance at the beginning of their relationship. The friend knew what she was signing up for.
I do think that people are allowed to be UPSET that someone special to you isn't willing to do something for you. The reason isn't money. Nor did the OP say that the introvertness was CRIPPLING. Nope. The reason is "just because". Its pure laziness. That is a very very good reason to be upset at OP, and even rethink this friendship. If OP isn't willing to get over the "just because" laziness at this, itll be the same at everything else in life.
I'm that person who is VERY lazy at these things, and I absolutely understand all the friends who no longer invite me, thus im unfriended. This OP deserves to be unfriended.
2nd story: I'm with OP. Yes, her plan was a bit diabolical, but the bride went with it. When she didn't get the outcome she wanted, she then blamed OP. Hopefully, she will realize how much of a loser Steven is and will eventually reach out to OP. *I am the same level of introvert as OP from story 3. It would be really hard for me to convince myself to go to a destination wedding where i feel forced to socialize with ppl i dont know. I do struggle with social anxiety tho, like big time.
Where is Charlotte? I miss you :( I'm here with my coffee :)
Everyone needs a break! I hope you're ok!!!!❤
Love your videos. They're my favorite 🎉
Seriously I couldn’t imagine doing this everyday! She definitely deserves a break! I still miss her😂 but self care is crucial ❤
For the last story. Imagine that you have bad knees and it hurts to go up & down stairs and the pain afterwards can last for days. Occasionally, you do go up a few stairs to see a friend and twice in your life you pushed yourself to go up a whole flight of stairs to attend your friend & brother's wedding. Now you're best friend has chosen to get married at the top of a 20 story building without an elevator and they'd like you to walk up and down 20 flights of stairs for several days... this is the mental equivalent of what her supposed best friend is asking for. Mental health is real... We all have limitations. Yes, they can walk up 20 flights of stairs, but why would her best friend be asking her to do it when she knows it causes her sever anguish... Yes, the person with the issue probably could change the tone of the letter and how they explain the situation, but it doesn't change the limitation. Furthermore, what does her friend imagine will happen if her friend arrives at the wedding. Will she suddenly be able to make small talk and socialize, or will she be back in a corner trying to breath and waiting for it to end... The bride needs to accept a horse isn't going to turn into a unicorn just because it's her wedding and she wants a unicorn to attend.
as an extremely introverted person i agree to this at a spiritual level. this is the thing that other people who are not introverted can't understand. when we say people "drains" us, it means we are drained like a first time runner (without prior practice) running a 10 mile marathon without a chance of stopping. its so exhausting we literally need to sleep or just lay down in the silence of our home or else headache, back ache, tooth ache or any other body ache will come pounding at you. that is what we mean by "people are draining us". that is why we NEED to separate ourselves for our own, and everybody around us's, sake.
@@mhaurig7631 absolute yes to this.... don't get us started around the holiday season!...
I 1000% agree with this comment and the above reply... yes yes. Wonderful analogy as well. I get a physical, painful headache if I push myself to extend further socially than I know I should. It actually feels like somebody has put a straw inside my brain and is drinking up. And god I love people, too. So it sucks. I wanna be where it all is, but my brain picks up on every little noise and smell and color and sound and emotion and that I cannot handle hours of. I deeply wish I could. And some days are way better or worse than others. There are incredible qualities attached to this characteristic, but you have to take care of yourself... take care of the vessel that houses the gift of who you are. And yes I agree that the OP likely could've worded it a little better, likely were tired.
I think the most important thing is attempting to understand others and try not to gatekeep. I do completely understand Charlotte, too. My friends are my family. I have put a lot of myself aside for them but I don't necessarily expect or advise anybody else to do this... there a number of times I should have been more understanding of myself. It all continues to come in time and is healed in love.
Thank you for writing this.
I'm both introverted and someone whose knees make full flights of stairs an "occasionally, if I must, but I'm going to pay for it after" sort of proposition. You nailed it. What that friend is asking for is for OP to spend a large amount of time and money to be absolutely miserable in a place she feels so trapped and stressed out, a panic attack or emotional outburst is not an unreasonable expectation. That's not friendship. That's cruelty.
If your friend knows you, and how social you are, that friend should respect that. A wedding isn’t that dire of an event to attend.
If they can drop everything to be there for you in an emergency, like your place burnt down need a place to crash they got you, need a ride to the hospital at 1 am and they are like yeah I’m there.
Not knowing everything, I think they should be forgiven for not wanting to attend a wedding.
why havent there been any new videos in the last 2 days? are you ok?
No upgrade from 2 days.... i always watch your video before going to bed... its one of my bed time routine... what's happening... cant fall asleep without your video lol...
The last story reminds me a lot of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore is depressed and an introvert, but all of his friends accept him as he is and don’t ask him to change.
It can be very hard to function when you’re an introvert, and as one, I absolutely hate going to parties where I don’t know anyone. I feel like this person could be there for her friend in other ways and show her support, all while being just as good of a friend.
perfect example of a good circle of friends. They accept him as he is, and he trusts them to do so, and they support him when he does go out of his comfort zone. That's what real friends do - not all the people who are demanding that OP torture herself for 6 days to prop up her friend's feelings.
Unfortunately that’s the risk you take when you have a destination, some people won’t be able to come for various reasons. But I also understand the friend being disappointed, I would be a little hurt too if my best friend didn’t come to my wedding. I see both sides.
Last one....so for the friend with the lical wedding the very most she could manage was dropping off a gift....so with this destination wedding you expect them to spend the 12 hours flying (6 there & 6 back) to just drop off a gift and leave, like she did for the 1st friend???? I think you forgot the beginning of the story by the time you got to the end.
Charlotte exactly what are you doing!? Your potatoes are ready to potato 😂❤️
Charlotte. That last one ended up telling us a lot about you. I love that you are the kind of friend you are. Not everyone is made that way.
You couldn't pay me to fly to Cancun or wherever, where I'd be on my own except for the Bride, who won't be with me, and maybe a bridesmaid who likely has a partner or other friends.
I am a hermit, from a long line of hermits. My mom's anxiety was so crippling we could not go inside McDonald's to eat. My dad was a one off blind date, friend of her best friends boyfriend. Both were in the Air Force.
Well not like me. The multiple chronic, painful medical conditions had drained my batteries, and COVID was so the thing that tipped me even further down my path to Queen of the hermits.
When the pain became a permanent part of my life i cut off all friendships. They would have been one sided as i can't be there for anyone, so i don't want to be the friend that is all take a and no give.
I think if someone tells you their boundaries, and you accept that, then you ought not be upset that the boundaries aren't going to change because of a wedding.
The exception I make is for illness. When my best friend was diagnosed with cancer I'd go sit with her during treatment as often as i could. She and I are both genetically challenged with conditions trying to kill us. I was scared to death of losing her. If i could change, she is the person I'd want to be. But she beat the cancer and it took a few years but she finally recovered from chemo and radiation. I had no idea recovering from treatment was such hell.
Any way I live alone, i couldn't have kids and people have hurt me as far back as i can remember. I retreat into my mental fortress and never let anyone in.
I have a dog. Dogs are great.
A lot of people with social anxiety tend to think that it's just being introverted. Etc. they don't want to admit or can't admit that they have an anxiety disorder. just like people not wanting to admit that they have a mental illness. there's stigma attached to it. The way she's describing her behaviors at friend. Number one wedding and her brother's wedding is definitely social anxiety.
This is one of the shittiest days I've had in a while and I'm used to Charlotte's videos at bedtime (on my timezone) as one of the reminders that everything's fine.
Petty potato missing you from Kenya ❤
Same here... missing her videos, saving them for bedtime as well
Same! I watch her first thing in the morning when I get ready for the day (Guam)