marriage proposal drama that made it to AITA - REACTION
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- čas přidán 27. 10. 2023
- marriage proposal drama that made it to AITA - REACTION
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💍🙅♀️ Hold onto your engagement rings, folks! Today, we're diving headfirst into the juiciest marriage proposal drama that's making waves on the internet. AITA for rejecting the proposal of the century? Charlotte Dobre is here to spill the tea and provide some expert-level sass!
We've got glitzy venues, fireworks, llamas, and a live orchestra! But when it comes to matters of the heart, extravagant doesn't always equal "I do." Charlotte's here to break down the drama, one cringe-worthy detail at a time.
😱 Did the bride-to-be make the right call or throw away the chance of a lifetime? From over-the-top proposals to fiery debates, we've got it all. Grab your popcorn because this story's got more twists and turns than a telenovela!
🤣 Charlotte will give her unfiltered take on whether the proposal was a grand gesture of love or an out-of-touch extravaganza. Plus, you'll be in stitches with her signature humor and witty one-liners!
So, is it a case of true love or just a case of too much bling? Tune in to find out, and be sure to like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell. Share your own proposal stories, outrageous or not, in the comments below. Let's get ready to rumble in the world of love and drama! 💔💍😂
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Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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I for one absolutely despise public proposals. I would never propose to my GF in front of hundreds of people because that’s basically forcing her to say yes. If she were to say no, everyone would rip her to shreds. Whenever I see public proposals at a sporting event, mall, or fancy restaurants, I immediately hope she says no. You wanna make it special and show her how much you love her? Just do it in private!
I think expecting the response in that moment is the part where it's werid
Yes
Right?! For me the most romantic way is in some random Tuesday, over take out, just us… ya know? To ME it’s (the answer AND the question) just more genuine.
Public proposals are great if you're an extrovert and loves to be the center of attention. Yea, screw all that.
I feel like he's leaving her family and friends out because he knows they don't like him, perhaps they'll talk her out of marrying him?
The first story. The friend did everything possible to help and guide the BF. If he ignores all this advice he will show her what his true colors are. She needs to know how he is.
He is the one asking his girlfriend to marry him. That is his privilege to do it as he see fit.
@@MordorProject The proposal is supposed to be the start of two people spending the rest of their life together. So it's not just about him ! He has to think of the other person and what she would love. It's supposed to be a mix of what they both want. Not his privilege alone !!
@@MordorProjectAnd her privilege to say no thank you and to walk away because he cared for no one’s feelings but his own. He would be a horrible husband with that attitude.
@@Lovelou613 .. You can’t control the way you’re being proposed. It is, and always will be the « proposer » privilege.
I can tell that this happened in the US. American women seems to think that a proposal or a wedding is all about them. That it’s a parade and that the sole purpose of it is to grant them attention like in some kind of weird twisted fairy tale ( major red flag if you ask me ). But In reality the purpose of it all is the union of a couple. If you love someone with all your heart, it doesn’t matter how and when he proposes. You’ll say yes because you wanna spend the rest of your life with him. If you’re upset because he didn’t proposed under a tree in some magical place, then it means that you don’t love him.. It means that you’re a narcissistic fool.
@@MordorProject It's not about control ! It's about the "proposer" KNOWING the one they propose to !! If you don't know them enough to know what they would love in a proposal, then... maybe you shouldn't propose in the first place !!
Not everybody wants a public proposal... So it's not about the person being proposed controlling everything. It's about love ! And knowing the one you love, so you propose in a way that suits both of you. If you do the proposal only thinking about yourself, don't be surprise if the person says NO.
The first one is wild:
1. He was told that she wants her family and friends being getting involved
2. He was told that she wants her parents to be asked first. Which is a thing in a post-Soviet countries: “asking for your daughters hand and heart”.
3. He was told she wants to keep the surname.
He did everything opposite:
1. Replaced her family and friends with his.
2. Didn’t even inform her parents.
3. Made a poster and engraved his surname on the ring.
Not only he did what he wanted, but he purposely replaced her wishes. That’s some psychotic behavior. He did hear them and he did the opposite.
Agreed. The icing on the cake was when it failed, he went to blame the person who warned him about it.
Ahhh, i had an ex like that, telling him multiple times what i wanted and still getting ignored, I broke up with him and lo and behold according to him im ruining his life and plans!
Agreed and personally I would want my best friend to tell me that so Ik how much he actually cares for me because that shows
As Ukrainian I can tell you we don't have this thing "Ask parents first". More the that, most of the girls (if not all), will be furious if you'll ask their dad. We are much more independent then westerns. But we love our parents and want them to be near at important occasions. Also we do not have engagements. We just say - in one month we are getting married. Get ready 😂
Yep, he just planed it as a punishment/a lesson to her how to behave. He's such a controlling authoritarian person I'd rather avoid all of that kind in my life.
I think the tradirion with asking parents permission is way older, I think it remains from pagan times.
I had an Indian co worker once, who went home on vacation from Ireland with no idea of marriage on her mind. She came back 6 weeks later married. It was a very unhappy union and she ended up eventually fleeing to Australia with their daughter to escape.
That’s terrifying, did he came along with her ?
@@Kathakathan11 She is still living in Australia, on the opposite side of the country to where she said she was going, ( for safety reasons,I presume). She is doing very well in her job, and her daughter is now 14. Still live under a cloud of fear in case her husband or his brothers turn up to take her daughter back to India. It turns out her parents advertised for a husband for her because she was 25 years of age.
@@marianraftery that’s terrible. It’s stressful to live with such fear. Well at-least it’s not easy to get children back to India in such cases. International laws are strict and the Supreme Court laws are even stricter in India. But I hope she doesn’t get entangled in any legal process. It’s quite important to lay low for couple more years
@@marianraftery ngl some narrow minded indian families do that to assert dominance , thankfully my parents were not such A-Holes but a classmate of mine went to a party in her village in 2013 and came back married 🤷♀️ Luckily her husband is nice.
This happened to a friend of mine from university in Canada as well. She graduated with me when we were about 21, and then got a really good job here and decided to stay. Her parents weren’t happy, as they originally planned for her to go back to India after graduation, but eventually got over it. She went back to visit every year over their holidays, sometimes twice a year. When she was 24, a couple months before her 25th birthday, she went back as planned for their religions major holiday. It turned out they had arranged and planned an entire marriage and wedding. She thought her and her female relatives were getting all ready and pretty together for a a big party, but it was her fucking wedding! She couldn’t get away either.. she tried to run, and all her male brothers, cousins, and uncles blocked her in and stood on guard. She was literally married against her will.. while she was bawling and trying to pull away. She refused to sign the documents and her dad grabbed the pen and signed it all himself in her name. Her dad took all her stuff while this was happening, her wallet, passport phone and everything. She was stuck there for almost three whole months with that man before she was able to get word out to all of us. He slipped up and left her alone long enough with her sister who had somehow got a phone, and she contacted me and our friend group. We pooled money and booked her a plane ticket back home to Canada a few days later, her sister was able to steal her passport back from wherever her dad had hidden it, and she snuck out in the night and made it to the airport with literally nothing. It was so freaking nerve wracking those three days between the original phone call and ticket booking, to the time when her flight landed here. Because we had no way to contact them again.. we had no way of knowing if anything went wrong or they got caught or what. Or if her sister was unable to get the passport. Our second plan if that had happened, was for her to the Canadian consulate that night instead and then contact us from there again where we could somehow try and get her a new passport. But anyways.. it worked out thank god. She called us from a pay phone when she landed in Toronto while waiting for her connecting flight to where we live. I have never felt so much relief in my life. She was eventually able to divorce that man from here in Canada. This was about ten years ago now. She is married to the love of her life here in Canada, and they have 2 children. So happy it worked out for her and so sad at the same time for all the other girls who weren’t able to get out. She never, ever suspected her parents would do that.. because she thought they had a good relationship and accepted her desire to live here. She had visited there many times and were happy to see her, and let her go home fine. They seemed proud of her she said when she talked about her Canadian life. When she asked them why? Like why now? Why did you do this? They said something like “what did you expect? This was always going to happen.. this is your role in life. Your 25th birthday was coming up and you needed to be married before then or else no good family would take you. You should feel grateful we waited and gave you as long as we could.” So fucking disturbing man.
Charlotte you're missing the part where he's isolating her and going to use the pressure of his friends and family being there as a way to force her into saying yes to the propsal.
👍💯🥹those of us who have endured abusers recognize the patterns starting with isolation…the manipulation *_AND_* that he does not care how *_his_* desires affect her or her loved ones…very troubling for so many reasons 😔
Exactly this! He wants to isolate her, first step of abusers!
As an Indian I am so happy we have not had an arranged marriage in 3 generations. My grandparents had quite the love story; freedom fighters & real life romeo & juliets.
😍
Tell us more! Tell us more!
(sincere request from one Indian to another, I would really like to listen to a freedom fighter love story)
@@sahithyaLakshmime too! I want more information!
If they were real life Romeo & Juliets, they wouldn't have lived to have children or grandchildren.
@@mega-bucks4372SAME!!!
My wife was the last one of her bloodline with her last name. So I suggested we hyphenate our last names. Mine-hers to represent our future while honoring her last name. She accepted and her dad smiled when we told him. Only bad thing is she now has to write out a decently long name whenever she has paperwork 😂
This is sweeeet!
Perfect idea!
I’m 30 and my sister 32.
My mom literally brags about the fact we aren’t married or have kids. She thinks it’s the best thing in ever we didn’t marry young and just claims our dogs as her grandchildren.
i wish my mom turns out like yours but the chances are slim since we live in india
If a person can mess up a proposal so badly, I dread to think what the wedding would have been like?
Wedding, shmedding. What about the marriage? Miserable for her, until it ended.
@@kayjacoby290that ring would become her shackle if she stayed with him.
@@lorilancaster5917 do you know these people
@@vixoa7063She doesn't need to know them. It's extremely obvious from the context that that would have happened, assuming that the OP was telling the truth (and there's no reason to think she was lying). His actions show that he's extremely selfish and doesn't care about his (ex) partner's wishes. He expected her life to revolve around him and what he wants and to give up her own needs in order to serve him. Unfortunately, this isn't a rare attitude among heterosexual men. Some aren't to his level of toxicity (like remote control hogs). Some are worse (physically abusive guys). But, OP's friend definitely dodged a major bullet in not marrying him. It was extremely wise of her to break up with him and never go back to him.
@@ashanastuder7334 ain’t reading allat
Not that we needed another one, but Groom #1's proposal exposed another massive red flag: the mother-in-law. She immediately spoke up about how it's too late to change her name because the ring is already engraved. That is going to be one controlling mother-in-law.
Also, she heard all of her son's plans and didn't consider that the gf's mom might want to be included. She's probably going to be overbearing and back her son in every decision. The friend would be living in a family with at least two enemies: the terrible groom, and an MIL that would be a nightmare.
That's so true... I didn't even consider that
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree right? Also I think almost every narcissist man has such a mother. At least in my experience.
This is such a good point!
Yeah, she dodged a bullet.
They sounded very culty.
Story 2: I know a couple of Indian people whose marriages were arranged. They told me that nowadays only the introductions are arranged by parents, but the decision to date/marry is made by the people looking to be married. They have a right of refusal. There may be several introductions before a couple decides they like each other.
That's how it is with most practicing Muslims as well. Arranged doesnt mean forced and what they did was tryong to force a marriage without her consent. I trust my family to like you said introduce someone but ultimately if the bride says no they can't force her. However this practice still exist and honestly i don't understand it at all. Spacially when they are not financially responsible for her anymore and she takes care of herself, maybe it was pressure from the community but that's such a shallow reason, they simply don't see her as her own person.
@@saranaila5905 i have literally heard hundreds of horror stories of muslim women trapped in abusive marriages it is very prevalent in muslim culture
@@nishthaneelabh8389 it's very prevalent in all marriages. I also heard horror stories from christians and mormons, I heard horror stories from even atheists. "Horror stories" is not how you judge how 1.9 BILLION people are living their lives. Generalizations of populations have always served a sinister reason in history yet we never learn to stop.
@@saranaila5905 idk it is more prevalent in your religion marrying 9 year old is justified in your religion and it is happening in the middle east
women are literally trying to run away from their own parents to other countries because of this
you should really research before saying shit
so live in delusion but the truth is the truth
@@saranaila5905 well when you guy stop the rape of children then maybe we can think about how you'd like to be addressed
we all say how women were silenced and forced to wear burkas in iran
I actually roomed with a girl in college for a semester who was in an arranged engagement. I can’t remember what country her family was originally from, but I know it was middle eastern. Apparently the arrangement had been since they were both kids. They had known each other most of their lives. They were encouraged both to go to school and develop personally and independently, but it was expected when the time came they would commit to each other unless it was a completely unhealthy or abusive situation. Their families genuinely wanted them to be happy in this arrangement. She seemed happy to be honest. Her fiancé was good looking, kind and intelligent guy. She trusted him, and he had even done a formal proposal as a sign for them both that they were willingly committing to each other. Not my cup of tea, but it did seems to work out well for them. It was a part of their culture and the families seemed to have reasonable expectations about the situation.
For the first story I was thinking it was weird that he seemed to be so considerate but also really inconsiderate of his GF's feelings. Then it clicked. He wasn't asking OP for info because he loves his GF. He was asking OP for info because he simply wanted to maximize a 'yes' response. It was all about him. OP's friend dodged a bullet there.
Also, I just googled it. Engravings can be removed. His choices, his consequences.
“Removing” an engraving is basically just filing down the ring until it’s smooth again. You’re obviously gonna decrease the value by doing that.
@@gummy5862 the value would only matter when it is sold, but removing to engraving saves the future owner of the ring some money
I had a friend in college who was from Pakistan. She told me that she was excited that her parents were finding her a potential husband. But she expressed that her parents were taking into consideration what she wanted in a man. There is a healthy way to arranging a marriage and the first step to everything is consent from all parties.
I'm really glad that second OP stood her ground against her "family" and his.
Yes. Arranged marriages are fine if and only if everyone involved is on board. In the west we’re very focused on attraction and romantic love, but at the same time, who better than your parents to take the short-term rush of emotion out of it and find someone with compatible values and lifestyle for you?
and you need to meet the person and learn to know him or her before jumping into proposal . the fact that he was a complete stranger Is absolutely creepy
I am Indian and almost all my cousin have had love marriage, this year is the only year when our family will see arranged marriage of my younger cousin, and we are going through that process, it’s been 7-8 months and no, nobody can easily decode in such situations.
She wants to get married as she is well settled, has a good job, but wants to take a leap in job. So if she narrows down on which city she will get married into, she can plan accordingly.
But it’s not an easy process, she already rejected 4 guys. One for the city he stayed in, she actually liked going on dates with him.
Second because she felt that his parents were nota happy with her qualification, they wanted even more prestigious profile
Third because she didn’t want to move outside India. She liked that guy as well, but he has investments in states.
Now the 4th guy😂, I don’t have update about this one 😂
All I can say is, despite freedom to date, she fell in love with a jobless guy, who wasn’t ready to commit. So she has no energy to date again. And it’s good that she wants to settle down with a person she will find harmony.
Given a choice, the end result will definitely be better than her ex boyfriend.
Frankly haven’t seen such forced marriages ( way different than arranged marriages these days).
@@Kathakathan11 I feel like forced marriage and arranged marriage are a different way of saying the same thing to westerners, and I don't see how you can refuse something if its been arranged for you. What you described would be called "matchmaking" in the western world. Someone finds a person they believe will make a good life partner, and you still date and learn about each other before deciding if you want to continue a relationship. There used to be entire companies based around this, finding people and working out what they had to offer and what they wanted in a life partner, then matching them together for a fee.
@@SendarSlayer yes it’s a match making.
But there is clear indication of MARRAIGE, there are set rules. Like when you approach a person, you cannot see multiple prospectus .
Also, people set criteria, many times they are generic. We call them arranged, as they are arranged by the people we know.
So if I go for 2-5 dates and I think okay this guy is decent and nice, has good stable life, and I like him,that’s not always enough.
Sometimes the financial criteria can stop the courting process.
Sometimes it’s literally random things.
I guess love MARRAIGE and arranged MARRAIGE are the 2 only processes we Indians categorise it as.
So anything that is not love MARRAIGE, becomes arranged MARRAIGE.
Because in love, you actually know the person. In arranged there is still the pressure to impress the entire family, not just the woman/ man.
Story 1: BF only cares about what he gets from marrying her. Once they’re married he’ll keep her away from family and friends so he can keep her his way. The update just confirms it. I can imagine him screaming at her over not making dinner to his exact liking.
This is so true. I was with a guy who isolated me from my family and he ended up yelling at me for food not being cooked exactly to his liking multiple times
First story: the friend dodged a bullet. He sounds like a narcissist. If he is, her life would have progressively gotten worse
Yep and his family are too. Her life would have been hell with no rest. She would have NO say in anything. Totally steamrolled.
We have to stop diagnosing people. This is not necessarily narcissism. It could be a chauvinist or it could be cultural. Or he could be spoiled.
@@brownin329 That's why I said may.
First story. Is a HUGE RED FLAG. The second story, was down right scary. Hope she never goes back and changes her number and such to avoid being a victim of an “honour killing”.
I was thinking just the same. There've been some real horror stories about honour killings. She should relocate and go no contact just in case.
Honor killing is not as common these days as it is made out to be. It is only a 2 digit number in a country of 1.4 billion people.
Story number 1: I KNEW if OP warned her friend the boyfriend would gaslight the friend and turn her against OP. The update confirms it. He’s still trying to blame OP but luckily for OP, she’s got receipts!!
I think he's throwing her under the bus as a way to save face with his own friends/family. That phone call was made after his GF left... this was his attempt to show his family that he wasn't an "asshole"... that his GF's Bestie is the problem... she was the one who made sure the proposal wouldn't go well.... etc. etc. etc.
@@aralornwolf3140good point actually, I didn't pay attention to that details. 👍
@@aralornwolf3140Nah i think that phone call is to put blame on the bestie for not including the parents.
Idk about the friends but im sure the MIL knew exactly what she was doing especially with the last name card
@@kbye452,
The Bestie wasn't even invited... so, we agree, the phone call was to throw her under the bus.
My sister married an Indian. There are 6 siblings in the family and only one of them has an arranged marriage, and I think she asked for her parents to do it. The rest of the kids all got to marry whoever they wanted and are happier for it.
It’s same here, most fo my cousins are married to their college bf/gf. I am the only one who is workaholic and I am exhausted of trial and error method right now. So I am okay with arranged MARRAIGE.
All one needs is self worth and patience and lots of dating to know the person well.
I have panned to go for dinner with in-laws atleast 4 times, they are re the dealbreaker honestly
Also I saw very bad dynamics between my mother and my grandma. And we cannot escape the mother in law trap.
So if she is a god one, that’s great.
One of the reason I said no to the only man I loved was his mother. She was sweet but over ambitious lady.
I am more spiritual. And I like to work but I am not obsessed with success.
So somewhere after the breakup I became but like him.
But I am tracing back to what I was and love to be .
I would 100% like to be told if my significant other was planning a proposal without my family and relatives. I'd feel awful if my best friend knew this and didn't tell me.
I feel like it’s definitely a case by case thing. The problem is, some people are so in love with their significant other that if you warn them about their toxic behavior before something big happens, they will antagonize the messenger and become defensive of their toxic partner. It’s not always good to give advice or the heads up unsolicited because there’s a chance it’ll get ignored. It’s always more impactful when someone comes to realizations on their own.
Yeah. I'd definitely want to know. That's not something you want to have sprung on you.
I honestly wouldnt want to know. i would want to see the true colours of the guy by myself so theres no room for doubt or regret
My brother in law is Indian and his two younger brothers got married in arranged marriages. They both made the choice to have an arranged marriage and met a few different people for dates before they found someone they clicked with. Overall it was more like a dating app with clear intent and dates your parents already like. This poor woman was blindsided by a complete stranger and would have probably been trapped in a horrible situation if she had stayed.
That’s exactly how arranged marriages are.
My father had met few women before he said yes to my mother.
Same with my cousin, he was introduced by another cousin and he asked my sister in law for a date, after obviously talking with her for weeks. And then they decided.
Then the families were told.
He had decided that it’s her or no one, if people will still call that forced MARRAIGE I will have to give up any hope of married. Lol
I think parents become to pushy when the daughter or son saya NO MARRAIGE, they will still be okay with choice.
I say this from my own experience, I was against marriage system, so I even stopped attending few family marriages. I used to call it a drama.
But my mother is wise, she knew I will change my opinion. So rather than forcing me to attend or forcing me to see anyone she waited for me to be ready.
I faced many health issues, I was mentally exhausted.
But with recovery I felt I should rebuild my life and parallely I was ready to see someone. So I guess parenting is very important factor here.
@@Kathakathan11 I think it's important for parents to accept their child's choices. I wouldn't say my brother-in-laws parents were thrilled about him marrying a white American woman, but they accepted his choice and it all worked out in the end.
My parents had an arranged marriage, they actually met a fair share of people before saying yes to each other. Today there are matrimony apps which are the same as dating apps except with he intention of matching for marriage. At that time they had marriage bureaus. You'd go, register your name and your specifications. If a boy/girl matching that specs also registered, they'd match you up. Another was posting an ad in the local newspaper saying you're looking for marriage. These were all external options while the family kept looking within their friends and common circles to find a suitable match
@@lilykep I am glad they trusted his decision. Congratulations you both
I am Indian and the 2nd story baffles me. They also paid half of the dowry already like why would you pay someone to marry your daughter its highly illegal as well as insulting for the lady. She is not a burden she is independent and i am guessing she will be earning a good amount of money after graduation so this is simply disgusting behaviour on the parents part. Arrange marriages happen but this is forced marriage not arrange.
Second story: Her parents didn't listen to her. Never heard her. Assumed they knew better because she was a 'child' instead of an independent American educated woman who didn't need or want them to control her life.
...and they paid a dowry to get his parents to take you off their hands and make you an honorable wife to save their own reputation.
Don't look back.
You did not over react. I think if no one got slapped, you showed great restraint.
And the fact that they immediately label her a 'whore' for simply being able to stand up for herself and not want that for herself...honestly, now I can see why rape is such a rampant problem in India.
sadly many people think of staying single as something very unfortunate. some people stay single just because the want to. many people are just not interested in having a married life. south asian parents don't seem to understand that point even if they themselves are tolarating a bad married life.
I wonder they were telling the truth about the dowry or coming up with some lie to make the OP feel obligated to go along with the marriage. After all, they *did* pay all that money.
I'm confused maybe because I'm Muslim desi but the girls family paid dowry?
In islam the mehr is given to the bride by the groom as a gift sometimes its not even money it's what ever she wants
Also my uncle tried to set me up once convertly of course but they don't force it so her family is hella weird
That first one dodged a bullet. That guy will end up being more and more controlling and abusive as their marriage progresses. Thank goodness she saw his true colors!!
Man that first story. My sister’s boyfriend just proposed last week in Tennessee with his family AND ours in attendance. He went to great lengths to make sure that we could all surprise her because he knew it was important to her. He even hired a photographer to capture the moment. It was beautiful, she loved it. That story makes me even more grateful that she found a good one.
The Indian girl was hundred percent in the right . I admire her guts . her parents , the boy and his parents are hundred percent lowlifes . You can't force a marriage on someone just because of tradition and culture . If the girl doesn't like it , walk away . Don't try to force her .
Maybe, but if arranged marriage is the norm and the boy and his parents didn't know her views, then I see no fault with them. They only know what her parents have told them. Perhaps they knew her views, then yes they are wrong too, but I doubt they did. They likely expected her to be happy about it.
@tedthurgate there is a difference between forced marriages and arranged marriages
it's not like a rule in India to have arranged marriages. Especially this type of case is not very common and frowned upon. So I doubt that they had no idea how things might turn out. It's another thing if parents of that girl convinced them with some lie or two but no one would normally do such thing especially in this time.
@@tedthurgateI don’t think the guy and his family knew about her views but she said that her parents gave him dowry and a paid for the ring . So I guess the guy and his family didn’t care much about her views . They were just interested in dowry and money. I mean he could’ve reached out her before accepting dowry and got to know her or something.
Plus arranged marriage has such negative connotations. If the parents are traditional they would perhaps arrange a date then arrange the next - this just seems to be a way of controlling OP because she payed her way through college and left them .
From what I understand, there’s a big difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage. Arranged marriage is *usually* consensual. I’m not sure what they were expecting from her, being proposed to by a complete stranger after making it clear she wasn’t interested, but it sounds like they deserved the “humiliation” they got from it.
That's a forced marriage. Probably something about "family honor" or something like that.
I hope she's safe.
Yup. Arranged marriage IS different than forced marriage. I wish people would understand the difference and stop insulting arranged marriages. Insult, belittle forced marriages all you want
I mean, there are arranged marriages that are decided when the people that'd get married are still children.
Family 1: Ah yes, our 6 year old son shall marry your daughter
Family 2: That sounds like a lovely idea, our 5 year old daughter is lucky to be wed to your son.
Where's the consent in that?
I had an old classmate that was half Turkish, and she never went to Turkey to visit her family, because her mom knew that the minute she did, the family would have a husband waiting for her, and she wouldn't be able to leave Turkey. That's horrifying.
If they were smart, they'd have gotten him to meet her randomly, got them together then BAM (though that'd still be awful... but why would she change her mind for a complete stranger??)
@@valeisthenamearranged marriages with families are usually kind of forced though. They feel like they'll let their family down and never hear the end of it if they refuse
I got extra invested in the first story! I screamed aloud (in public) when you got to the part where she took the ring off and left! Man. That must have been the let-down of the century for that woman, but I hope she can move on knowing her ex bf was a tool who really didn’t care about her or her world.
As an Indian from India, let me tell you that this is RARE. This is crazy. Arranged marriage usually only involves parents screening the bride/groom and their family for compatibility and then they send us on blind dates, after that its up to the boy and girl whether they want to go on more dates. It is just fast tracked compared to normal dating as the goal is marriage and you have to assess compatibility within a few dates. . Arranged Marriage is not Forced Marriage. I myself have gone through this churn for years, decided against marrying and my parents have made peace with it. The situation is a rare occurrence she is right in what she did. Very small number of them from *certain places in India* have backward notions and the kids have to literally break all barriers to become independent.
It's not really rare when so many people know s9meone who experienced this. It's a very real problem.
@@elenachristian9860 Yes but it's also a country of 1.4 billion, nearly 3 times the population of US so occurence might scare you but definitely not a norm.
@@elenachristian9860can be a bit more common in a few communities/states but definitely not on a large scale. She also mentions dowry which means she comes from such community. Mostly its just arranged dating. The choice is left to the person who has to marry.
It is rare to go straight to the engagement but its not rare to set up a surprise dates which is also sad.
Omg... that first story,👀 that young lady dodged a MAJOR bullet by breaking up with the guy after that proposal.
I could literally see as Charlotte read the post, that it was this man's way of trying to drive a wedge in between his girlfriend and her family and friends.
Had she not given the ring back and still continued with the engagement, her parents and friends would have been upset that they weren't included in the engagement plans and then he would have used that as an excuse to say... "see your parents and friends don't like me, we need to getaway from them." He would probably find other ways to drive a wedge between them through the wedding planning etc... and soon enough she'd find herself estranged from her family and friends and in an abusive relationship with no one to turn to.
And this dude had the audacity to call and blame the best friend? If all of this does not scream NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR, I don't know what does...
I am very happy that she saw the red flags even without her friend telling her about the proposal.
This whole situation screamed RED FLAGS.🚩
More red flags than a communist rally😮
@@evelynneufeld7610 , or a MAGA rally
I know quite a lot of Ukrainian people now (imigrants to Poland), women keep their last name after wedding -at least those 6 I know have maiden name as official despise being married
@@marta1799 I'm Ukrainian and planning to keep my maiden name as well. It's so easy with regards to documentation and government since you don't need to change anything, it's also great when you really like your parents' last name or you are the only child. Thank you and Poland as a country for hosting our refugees, you have a beautiful land and I wish you to be prosperous and healthy!
Why did she stay with him for FIVE YEARS?? I would be pissed if I wasted 5 years of my life with a guy like that.
My goodness, the Indian family was horrible. I'm actually married to an Indian guy (I'm Polish and we live in the US) and I hear stories like this from time to time however he and his family are amazing. His family visited Poland for our wedding and then we visited India. Everyone was so kind and welcoming, especially the elders of the family. We'll be married for 10 years next year:)
Aw, love this for you! ❤❤❤
Have you heard of arranged marriages where one of the parties is surprised? I thought both bride and groom had to consent to it.
@@loosilu That's usually how it goes in most cultures with arranged marriage traditions. I'm sure in many situations there's more quiet/subtle/understood pressure, but the "surprise" version seems to be more common when individuals don't see eye-to-eye with the rest of the family on getting married, especially if they live elsewhere or are more independent. The family knows they can't be convinced, so they ambush them instead. So disgusting and likely illegal, at least by the letter of the law.
A bit unrelated to the original topic but I'm also Polish
When both parties consent, it's arranged. When one party has no idea, it's forced.
Here in the UK, forced marriage is illegal.
I have a friend in India who had an arranged marriage. It was beautifully done. Her father picked out someone he thought she would like, making it clear that she could say no at any time. She got to know him, they fell in love, and they've been married now for almost 20 years. He's such a great guy and has put her first through everything - even giving up work to look after their child so that she could continue her career because she missed it so much when she was off on maternity.
When done right, arranged marriage can be great - especially for people who are a little nervous about going out and braving the dating scene. It can also be safer (as you know who you are spending time with) - but only if everyone consents. The second either party isn't happy or comfortable, if people apply pressure then it all changes from "arranged" to "forced".
You know, private proposals are really underrated. I sure appreciated my husband proposing in private. He did ask my father for my hand in marriage, even though it was a formality. He still showed my Dad respect. Up until the day my Dad lost his battle with cancer, he and my husband were buddies.
I relate hard with the second story...the amount if manipulation n gaslighting n emotional blackmail that takes places is mind blowing to say the least.... Hope i can share my story with u soon
Good on Reddit for the level-headed responses to the first OP not to get involved until her friend reached out. The protective impulse is strong, especially for loved ones of so many years, but her friend needed that moment to see just how disrespectful this guy is. Having a strong support network will make her feel more loved and protected after the fact.
@@CynophileandavianenthusiastIt's not interfering when the bf straight up ASKED FOR ADVICE. All she did was advise him, and he ignored her (and was an ass about it). After that point, further involvement would have been interfering. But she didn't. She wisely kept it to herself and waited for the inevitable. And she was proven right.
@@Cynophileandavianenthusiast You're telling me you've never had the urge to protect someone from harm? You've never seen someone you love about to be badly hurt, be it physical or emotional, and wanted to do what you could to shield them from that pain?
@estherkhan8007 An impulse is different from interference. To which OP asked for advice before actually doing anything. So it wasn't interference. She kept it as an impulse, like a want rather than a need. It would be considered interference if OP had just put her thoughts into action.
Also I bet OP's friend will be very happy seeing all the people helping her friend make the right call if she ends up seeing the post
@estherkhan8007 why is western have this mindset thinking that if someone care for someone = infant, i will never understand. The individualism is so strong, that someone caring = bad. What a sad and lonely life
Story 2: NTA, "NO, mom I am not interested in an arranged marriage", parents immediately plan an arranged marriage. I have no problem with arranged marriages, as long as both parties agree to it, and want it. But an ambush surprise arranged marriage is just insane, time to go completely NC for the rest of OP's life.
that's just it though, it seems like it wasn't arranged, it was forced. As an indian myself, it annoys hell out of me when people mix the two up.
Not an arranged marriage, but an ambush marriage.
@@IluvMJandBrunoMarsSuch a good distinction! I’ve been hesitant to comment because there is so much cultural tradition here that I don’t know or understand. I guess the thing I keep coming back to is that she left when she was college-aged and made a clear statement by cutting financial ties and not visiting that these parts of her culture were not of interest to her.
@@cbpd89yeah because wouldn’t OP have to agree for it be actually be arranged?
I don’t know if the “groom” in his parents were in on the trap or they were lead to believe that OP was interested. Either way it’s good for them too that the marriage didn’t take place. I want to say I hope OPs parents go their money back. However I honestly don’t care.
@@lorilancaster5917this. See this is a key point that I mentioned in my comment. My question comes down to did the groom and his family know what was going on? I think the OP is the a-hole if they were innocent. And I'm betting they may have been innocent. And then in that case these people who thought they were doing something perfectly lovely and normal are suddenly being told to f them selves? Rude. And I think she should have asked before she went off. Now as far as her parents go... Oh hell no. She is not the a-hole.
The woman in the second story is lucky. My Indian friend went home to visit and was forced to marry who her parents selected. She was forced to have a child. When they thought she was stuck, they let her and her child come back to the US to visit. Thankfully, she found safe haven with friends and was able to divorce her arranged husband.
For story 2: I am so bad at handling people being mean to me (since most of the times it translates to upright abusive) that I would've just turned around, left, blocked everyone at the party, booked the first flight back home and then gone to see my therapist straight from the airport.
The 2nd story, that was not an arranged marriage, it was a forced marriage situation.
Normal Arranged marriage has a process, where it goes step by step, where you see if both of the partners are compatible and etc etc. In western terms, it's more like blind date with family involved. (I think) 😂
I've heard this! Isn't it like the parents originally approved who could initially go on the first date, but the woman selected which of the men she actually liked?
So many comments from Indian people similar to this!
@@The_Bean Yep. Pre-approved dates. Considering the sex ratio, were moving back to swayamvars (where a bunch of men show up in hopes of meeting a girl if they meet the minimum criteria).
Exactly! Although my understanding is that arranged marriages can still involve a lot of coercion and cultural pressure to marry the 'right person.'
Wow the second part, oh how much I can relate. As an Indian woman i knew my eventual fate, when I was 17 I decided, based on what I watched my parents were doing to my sister, to not take a penny from my folks. Deliberately dragged out my undergrad studies longer than 4 years enough to get out of from under them, get a place, graduate and start a career. My mom asked as she was closer to passing away due to an illness if I would get arranged marriage. My face spoke a lot louder than my words and eventually she said don’t marry anyone because of pressure but do what makes you happy. She knew it would break me. After my mom’s passing my dad and I had fights about this. The only saving grace was my mom’s words and my complete independence from him. I’ve been subjected to under handed insults by people who don’t know me and I’ve told them to go to hell! Eventually my dad conceded after hearing about too many stories about abuse that I made the best decision and how he was proud that I didn’t give in. I would have definitely insulted everyone just the way the Indian woman did. I’m not against marriage but it shouldn’t be forced.
That must have been so hard on you, working and supporting yourself while earning your education! We hear so many horror stories about women in some countries treated as property and abused, even killed. I'm so glad to hear that you have thrived!!
The irony of the indian in-laws to call her a wh*re because she REJECTED an arranged marriage with a stranger that was arranged without her consent. Im sorry but wouldnt forcing a woman into a marriage make her the wh*re bc then she would be having forced sexual relations with a man who basically is paying for it (in that patriarchal system i guess the woman is expected to stay home and cook his meals and raise his kids).
(A lot of sex workers today dont have sex forced but thats only in countries where that privilege and the protection exists.)
I learned a very useful tip from my cousin's wife. When I was in high school, I would constantly ask them both when they'd get married since they've been together for so long. I'm in college now and they just got married this year. Anyways, she would answer that they would if they'd have the money soon. She said she would talk about it if they want to get married. No proposal, I think. Thats when it hit me. It's fine to discuss like an adult whether one wants to tie the knot. (Thats how they actually do it here, no proposals, just discussion, with elders present.) Of course you'd wonder, "what about the surprise proposal?" It's fine. The thrill and surprise would be as to WHEN and HOW they will propose. At least then there'd be no humiliation and wasted effort all while still having the thrill of being proposed to.
I'm an Indian and I'm so happy my family isn't like this. I was always encouraged to have a career and just be happy. If i wanted to marry someone of my choice ever, they would talk to the boy's parents (in India parents of both sides meet over food to discuss things). Or if i wanted an arranged match they would look for proposals within the community for me to decide. And it would have been more like going to a few dates to see if we are compatible and i could say no. I got married to someone i love quite late in my life and there was never any issue. Marriage shouldn't be forced. I wish Indian parents suggested matches instead of forcing like this
An Indian friend of mine told me of a friend of his who had moved here to Germany from India. His mother called him and told him he had to come back right away because his father had had a heart attack. When he got there, his father was just fine; instead he was there for his own wedding to a total stranger. He couldn't say no, so he never came back to Germany. My friend who told me this is terrified that his parents will try a similar trick on him.
That was extremely nasty of his family to tell him his dad had a heart attack!
Wow! Tricking someone into getting married is NOT CULTURE or TRADITION... it's embezzlement, deception and toxicity!
That sounds horrifying! 😢
Holy shit. That's the worst surprise ever.
That poor guy, he didn't have the freedom to refuse them, I guess. 😢
“I told you to butt out!! WHY didn’t you HELP ME?!” Ohhh I almost exploded when I heard the update!!!
Im SO glad she made “the right” decision for her and her life and happiness… imho she did.
I'm so so glad the forst story went the way it did. Best friend dodged a HUGE bullet! She would have beeb miserable being married to someone who was so inconsiderate of her feelings and completely disregarding her family. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I can kind of relate to the second story, because my mom kept sending me all these emails about friendship groups, and one day her and our hairstylist all of a sudden came up with this ridiculous plan to set me up with this guy from probably a female friend of the hairstylist’s, thinking I needed a friend that could probably turn into a boyfriend later. This pissed me the hell off, because I’m about sick of my mom doing shit like this.
Also, no, I never contacted the guy. And I told my mom and hairstylist I wasn’t interested in him. Mom has stopped doing this since and my hairstylist also stopped trying to set me up with people since.
I yelled so loud when Charlotte misread "It's not like you're coming to the wedding".. I almost died! Wowza!
Anyway, already hooked!
Thanks Charlotte❤
I think she was intuiting the guy's plan honestly. He definitely seems the type to try and cut most of the bride's side from the guest list.
I was even reading along, and I misread it the same way Charlotte did, and was like, "HELL TO THE NO!!!" Then she reread it and I laughed. 😂
@@vcutler4735Oh yeah, I could definitely see him doing that.
That first story is one MASSIVE red flag. I agree. Let her go through this herself. You won't be there to smooth the way through every aspect of her marriage. Reaching out to him to make changes was the only thing OP could do.
Edit: Glad to hear she learned who this guy really was for herself. I was getting nervous about this guy because he sounded like a possible abusive husband who slowly cuts off his wife from family and friends. However, when he blamed OP, I figured maybe he's just a narcissist, which goes along with Charlotte's conclusion of him just wanting a wife as an ornament. Also, some want wives to get ahead at work, get a pay raise, or use as a dependant on their taxes.
Honestly, that best friend is absolute GOLD. Not only did she care so much about her friend, and know her sooooo deeply, but she was fully ready to actually listen to ppls advice. She sincerely was there for advice, because hell that is a hard situation to be in! And then she followed it to the T, and was so supportive of her friend in all the ways that the FRIEND needed, putting her FRIEND first.
Salaam and Happy Saturday, Potato Chips!
"Stay single. Stay single for as long as possible!
Men suck!"
I love your Mom.
We're soooo alike!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
As an American with an Indian family, personally I am not planning to get married or have kids. My parents aren't forcing me and my dad especially says not to get married too early, he wasn't happy when my sister got married at 27. I have heard of other Indians I work with that did have arranged marriages, but it was more like a match making thing. These people were actively looking for a partner in their late 20s and 30s, their mutual parties would find a good person they knew who was also trying to get married and recommend them, and they would meet to see if they were compatible. Because their families already did all the ground work, they didn't have to worry about their education, job, or financial status because the mom and dad already checked that. The only thing left was personality and attraction. It never works if one person isn't ready to get married, and they definitely wouldn't propose on the first meeting even if they clicked.
That actually sounds really nice. Takes all the pressure off dating, seeing if they vibe with your family, etc. I kissed so many frogs before finding my partner and to think it all could have been avoided. My MIL is the one who introduced me to her son in the long run and we've been together for 11 years. Sometimes mother does know best.
OP’s parents didn’t have this option because they were being shady. I’m Indian, but was adopted by a white American family, so my husband (also white) and I get some looks sometimes but for the most part, it’s all good.
Exactly
Yeah my brother in law is Indian and his two younger brothers got married via arranged marriages, and that's how their arrangements went down. It was much more like a very thoroughly vetted dating app then a "surprise now you have to marry a stranger!" situation.
27 isn't too early to get married lol it's like the perfect age.
BIG BIG RED FLAGS!If he is this way about the proposal, he will be worse when married. He iscutting out her family and friends, which is exactly what abusers do. She needs to run. Yikes😮
8:18 he sounds like the type of guy who would go to a restaurant and order for the girl like:
Waiter: hello sir and ma'am, can I get your orders?
Girl: I would like a burge- *guy interrupts*
Guy: She will actually have the salad.
I'm super happy she is out of that relationship
I won’t lie, it would be really really hard for me to sit by and watch my friend be treated that way when I know that I could prevent it all from happening by telling her about it. It would almost feel like a betrayal.
Plus if my partner were planning to do that to me, I’d want to know about it.
But I understand why it needed to play out the way that it did and I commend OP for their maturity and self control. Experiences like this will ultimately make it easier for her friend to be able to spot warning signs and red flags in her future relationships. Without that experience she can’t possibly learn how to properly protect herself from it in future. It will also play a big part in building up her self worth and valuing herself more. She needed to realise that she deserves better than him.
I had a friend with an arranged marriage. It was more a vetting process by the families and both the bride and groom could decline. They chose to move forward and it worked out well for her.
Consent works great 👍🏻
I. Thought so
Thats actually how most modern arranged marriages work. But sadly we only hear the horror stories.
@@NHarts3 Sadly? I'll bet they have the same problems as any other marriage. Maybe more, since parents arranged it.
I’m in an arranged marriage too (not by my parents) I think arranged marriages are fine. It’s the forced marriages that I absolutely hate.
From a former ‘ornament’, the first proposal story gave me flashbacks.
Despite him always making things about himself, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I had made a lot of sacrifices for our relationship, and he only had made a few. We were only married for five months before he found another, more beneficial ornament to replace me. As Charlotte said, I had lost so much of my own footing in that relationship, that the actual divorce was devastating to see I had nothing for myself and that I had ALLOWED it!
Glad this girl saw the writing on the wall before it was too late.
I hope things are much better for you now, bestie!! ❤
Story 2: Its not normal to have these type of weddings in Indian culture. Arranged marriages are more like a matchmaking service where parents find a worthy guy to intro to the daughter but it's never done without consent. Those who do it in the name of culture should be ashamed cause that's not in our culture. Consent is huge part of this process.
Charlotte saying service instead of circus 10:50 😂
I'm Indian as well and the second story really happens in most communities in India. I'm blessed to say that my community has really different views on this kind of things especially my family, oh God, they really want women to be really very independent before thinking about marriage and even if you don't want to get married till your 40s(btw it's a big no no in India) they would still not interfere. And they would sometimes even go out of their way to lecture people for marrying their daughters off without letting them become independent. It's so sad how so many women are being forced to get married against their will. Both women did a good job.
I am pleased to hear that you are in a community where your choice in marriage is respected. As an American woman, it's easy for me to say "I'd never". However, anyone can speculate on such things, but few live it.
It's my hope that your community will become more of the norm regarding marriage in India. ✌🏾
No it isn't common in ANY community. Only psychopaths do this. Indian society isn't as regressed as you think it is.
Bhen kahan pe?
I know I'm lucky but that's only cz the men on my mom's side (and my dad) didn't discriminate against female offspring. Some things can truly only be acquired over generations.
Which community?
Morning Petty Potatoes! ❤
Good evening! 😅
Charlotte inspires me.. My parents said if i get 70K followers They'd buy me a professional camera for recording..begging u guys , literally
Begging...
Petty *Potaht
Good night
Morning
When I was 19 myself and my 2 year old daughter lived with my 29 year old bf. At my daughters 2nd bday party after opening her gifts he handed me a little gift bag with a box wrapped in birthday paper inside. He told me it was for me and to open it, I was so anxious because right then all 50 or so people started staring at me. I opened it and then opened the ring box inside. I was so confused. He said nothing and we just stared at each other and then his mom said " welllll... Yes or no?". I was shocked, nauseous, & so anxious I was shaking so I just nodded and everyone clapped, whistled, congratulated is..... I left the state 6 weeks later. We had only been together 6 months and really weren't a good fit but I was too scared to say no in front of everyone at my 2 year old daughters bday party. Public proposals now make me anxious unless it's explicitly what the woman wants.
My now husband planned to propose on the top of mt. St. Helens on the busiest weekend of the year. The weather was crap and canceled the trip. Fortunate for him the conversation came up the following week with friends and i said id be so embarrassed to have that happen in front of a crowd.
A week later he took me to a park and it was raining. Hardly anyone was there and he found an empty gazebo.
He did great. Celebrating 5yrs soon.
I posted my family helper's experience in another Charlotte's video. Basically, her family tricked her into coming home during holiday and there was a wedding party in her name. She never met the groom, her whole family trapped her in her room (never let her out even to pee/shower) until she consented to dress up and get married the next day.
But surprise! during the ceremony, she slapped the groom, throw the mike at the official and screamed to the whole guests that she did not want to get marry and she will stop sending money to her family if they continue pressing her to get married. (She's the breadwinner of the family her whole life).
She did low contact to them after that. Only sending money, never return home.
Just because she's getting older and no one will want to marry her. (She was 23 at that time).
The EXTRA audacity of biting the hand that feeds you and expecting her to still go along. Props to her for making a scene, I could never.
You might think you could never make a scene, but you will be surprised what you can do if you are so angry or so stressed. There are things I have said and done, I never would have done for myself, but for my kids I will walk through fire and fight to the death if I have to for their safety
She doesn't even owe them money. Family like that are enemies.
@@kellharris2491 I asked her that, she said if she didn't send money, her family will die. Her parents can't work (dad was disabled, mom never work), her 4 younger siblings (oldest was 15, youngest was 3 at that time) try to work but... Child labor is cheap.
She said she wait for 3 more years until oldest get a good job and she will cut the money.
@@skwervin1 I'm glad you were able to stand up for your kids, but that's not the scenario we're discussing here. In general, yes, people don't know how they'll react until it happens. However that doesn't mean that everyone will be able to "make a scene", even if they want to. I'm not you, and I know what my stress responses are, thanks.
I swear Charlotte, you have one of the best video editor who is in-sync with your jokes and reactions. I had to rewind the bit with Nicolas Cage twice it was so funny!
That part Boromir and the One Ring? Priceless!
"We gotta go through the rough things in life. It's part of the human experience." ~~-~~Wise words with Charlotte
So when I was little, I started asking my mom for stuff in front of my friends. My mom started explaining to me, “no, because you are putting me on the spot”. Trying to use my friends to get a “yes” or public situations earned an automatic NO always and every time.
That last story? That would have been my response. One “NO, you put me on the spot” and then a walk out, and no further conversation until you can talk civilly.
For the second story- they DID consult her and she said NO! They just ignored her wishes!
True. That wasnt an arranged marriage, it was a forced marriage. If she wasn't envolved in the negociation then is not an arrangement.
Being an Indian and witnessing these kind of proposals along with experiencing the control for being financially dependent on my parents.
lol, me too, sister. But I trust my parents not to force me to marry someone without consulting me.
@@Canyouseemeanna I hope you two will not have to face such a situation and have a understanding family. Keep going in life and if you get stuck in a corner, don't be scared to push your way through to get to where you want to go, because some people simply can't accept a 'no'
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best." -- Benjamin Disraeli ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
@@Canyouseemeanna Same. But mine told me to get a job first. So I'm slowly prepping to off myself after finishing up my UPSC attempts. XD
On a serious note, the thing with dowry is that gifts can be given as streedhan to the bride and bride alone. I'm just saying: a janta flat is better (and possibly cheaper) than a car and you can ditch him to go live there.
This proposal is the wake-up call on how being married to this guy would be like in less than ten minutes!!
I can bet that in story 2 they were expecting their daughter to give up everything she made for herself in career and get married. I am Indian and super lucky to not have parents like that
I needed this video Charlotte, I recently lost a friend who is a few years younger (she’s 20, I’m 26) over her toxic, cheating boyfriend. It hurts me so much to see her repeatedly get mistreated, but when I didn’t support the relationship, he called ME a bad friend and they both blocked me. I’m SO hoping I hear from her once she makes it out of this, but maybe I was the asshole for trying to save her from the same hurt I experienced at her age. Not my monkeys, not my circus. 🎪
I'm so sorry. Hopefully, she will figure it out and leave you're not the ahole. I just hope it doesn't really badly
Time heals all wounds. She'll eventually see it someday.
Narcissists and other self centered egotists are really good at manipulating to isolate, especially at the beginning stages when they are lovebombing. You learned something for the future, because you cannot be there for her if she cuts you out and once she sees it for what it is and leaves, or, more likely, he discards her, she may not reach out because she will be embarrassed but she will have learned too. Some heartaches cannot be avoided.
I’m sorry girl, I’ve been there too, it’s exhausting!
@@TheBaumcm this situation has literally broken up two bands at this point and this is what we’ve all tried to tell her and begged her not to push us away. :( I’ve been exactly where she is and she didn’t want to hear that
When I was in college, I was part of a Rocky Horror shadow cast, and I was usually playing Brad. The boyfriend of the girl playing Janet that night wanted me to help him, by stepping away and taking pictures, while he actually proposed to her during the part where Brad proposes to Janet. I went along with it, because I didn’t know either of them well and assumed they had talked about marriage. She just hissed at him like a cat and ran out of the theater 😂
"Hissed at him like a cat" 😂😂😂😂
Precisely the right reaction!
HISSSS!!!!!! 😸🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wonder if we're related. I can see myself doing that if I were blindsided in front of everyone. 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
I wish I was best friends with this girl
I spoke about it with my SO.
I told him "Yes, you must speak with my parents first."
"Not public, I hate people. This will be OUR moment"
And three "I don't care about expensive. You can spend 30 dollars in an Amazon ring and I will be happy"
He was happy, hugged me, kissed my forehead and said that "He could barely wait for that day to come" and "thank you for telling me, I always stressed about what would you like"
It's so nice to have a partner who LISTENS.
That 2nd one, the parents were in full sabotage mode. They knew what they were doing. That's why they kept everything a secret and lied to her about what was going on. They knew what she wanted and were counting on her feeling pressured to accept. ...oof... Boy, did that backfire!
I am American but have had the pleasure of knowing some very traditional Indian families. While arranged marriages are still a thing - I have been to 2 Indian weddings- they do not do it that way anymore. They introduce and see how things go between the possible couples BEFORE any proposals take place. So, this family was totally out of line even for very traditional & wealthy families. Just my 2 cents, having known a few traditional & wealthy families who did indeed arrange marriages. Btw- both of the weddings I attended- the couples are super happy after more than 10 years of marriage. Because they "dated" in their style, got to know each other and agreed to the marriages.
1st story, when I heard it’s over I literally jumped out of my bed and started cheering 😭 good for her
Honestly same. Victory dance!!
I was on my daily walk...and stopped I the middle of the street saying "YESSSSS"...passers-by in their cars probably thought I was a nut!!!😅
You went "get f#cked buddy" and I did a damn spittake lmao that was so FUNNY
"He doesn't want a marriage. He wants an ornament." = perfect phrasing
I feel like your editors don’t get enough praise from the comments! Editors, we love you, and you make an already fantastic, funny, and beautiful person’s videos even more fun to watch! I can tell sometimes when different people are editing because they let their personalities shine through and I love it! You have a beautiful team Charlotte💗
My grandma’s italian and she says that to me all the time as well. “Don’t get married yet, enjoy your youth. You can marry later on in life” 😂
I like your Grandma!
I met a woman who got married twice in her 70's... lost all three husbands to cancer. The last marriage only lasted 7 months.
In India arranged marriages are still common but it is not what you read Charlotte. Parents may suggest you boys/girls for marriage, but you get the opportunity to say yes or no at the end of the day. The one you read is FORCED marriage and not ARRANGED marriage. Such extreme cases are not so common.
11:27 the fact that I got a Tide ad right after that story finished😭💀
My parents sat me down when I was 27 when I got out of a 4 year relationship, and said "Honey, we love you. We are so glad you got out of that relationship. But we think you should just have a baby and move in with us and we will help you raise it."😅😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂
They definitely lost hope that I would find the one in time for a grandchild. 😂😂😂😂
Btw, I'm 33, married, with a child now😅
My husband and I have a lot of close friends and we all hang out with each other regularly. If the fiancé in the first story won’t let her family be involved, then he’ll cut her off from her friends and take over her whole life.
The way I gasped at ‘we’ll send them pics later’ OMG!!! 🤯
I'm Indian and living in India. This is really not how arranged marriages happen in urban India anymore. It's like being set up by your parents, you meet potential partners, talk to them on the phone, it's basically like dating but you have to accept and reject openly - harder to ghost someone when their parents know where your parents live haha. With this as the context, her parents were super out of line and deserved what they got. Also dowry? She can have the "in laws" arrested for that, it's illegal.
At this point after watching this Channel for more than 3 years...this is my comfort Channel. Everytime i need a break from my daily life, i watch Charlotte's vídeos. This Channel means a lot to me. I hope Charlotte knows how her adorable personality helps so much, everyday. ♥️
Me as well
Hear, hear!! Best channel on CZcams!! ❤
us
same!
My initial thought on the first one was that she should tell her friend (both cuz she knew how she’d react to the proposal and cuz I figured the friend would be mad at her for not having warned her) but as Charlotte and others said why not to, that totally made sense and it was clearly the best thing. Being able to crowdsource advice really is useful! 😄
I love you Charlotte! Your videos really help me when I'm having a rough day. I also have no friends and you make it feel like I do. Thank you for all you do and thank you to your whole team too!
The thing is even arranged marriages doesn't work like that. When there's consent, the arranged couple meets before and make a decision.
I got engaged yesterday ♡ Love you Charlotte! I'll be sure to let you know if I have any reddit drama stories for my future wedding lol
Congratulations 🎉
Congratulations!!!!
Congratulations!!! And as cool as it’s be to be on Charlotte’s channel, cause I mean it’s CHARLOTTE’S channel!!! But here’s to having THE most peaceful wonderful planning experience eva’!!!! And your perfect drama free wedding!!
Congraaaaaaaaats! And maybe we can have a compilation of wedding success stories in celebration? Then again, the train wrecks and Charlotte's reactions are just so good.
Congrats! here's to hoping they are the positive vibe dramas and not the Petty Potato ones
Damn that last story though, it is heart breaking when people don’t respect people.
"Without pain you just don't have lessons" I need to put that on a t-shirt
2:29 My Brother-in-law didn't ask my father-in-law for permission to marry my hubby's little sister, and that made my hubby's dad *really mad!!!* 😬
Story #1 is also important for parents to remember. If we're always interfering to keep our children from experiencing any pain whatsoever, we're not letting them learn, grow, or become resilient. But we can always be there to comfort, support, and help them work through it.
most of the time parents are blind to the pain they actually cause to their kids
they think they're shielding their kids from pain when actually the opposite is true, sabotaging their kid's self-esteem, self-worth for example by not teaching them that they can do stuff on their own, by dictating how they their body should look like and how they should people-please is actually setting them up for the life of pain
@@FruityHachi I don't generally disagree. But what I'm talking about comes more from the place of not being able to tolerate seeing your child experiencing negative emotions. Sometimes it is more about control or privilege - how dare *someone else* hurt my child. But I think a lot of it boils down to parents themselves not having learned healthy coping mechanisms for when bad things happen, or what DBT would call emotion regulation skills. A lot of people are real uncomfortable sitting with negative feelings, even if they're valid. They might instead try to fix problems, even if they're unfixable, or blame people for having the wrong attitude, which is related to toxic positivity.
Here's an example I read about, which involves a few different things happening at once, but is still illustrative: A Black teacher has a white parent complain that something their child learned in relation to the teacher's class made them cry. They have a group call about this and the parent is angry that the material, which is totally relevant to the curriculum, involved bad things that had happened/are still happening in the world, which is why the child was upset. The teacher says to the parent something like "I think your child's distress over learning about injustice shows they are capable of great empathy, which I believe is a wonderful trait for your child to have, and will help them grow into a good person as an adult".
@@16poetisa I wouldn't count on that those parents can't tolerate their child experiencing negative emotions, I have a more pessimistic view on parents and think it's more about going on power trips berating teachers
most of the time when parents can't tolerate their child experiencing negative emotions they just ignore the child or punish the child for crying or for not obeying to the parent's wishes
@@FruityHachi That was just meant to be an example. I related this story to a friend with small kids, and their response was "to be fair, it's really heartbreaking to watch your children cry, and you want to make them feel better ASAP". I think the responses you describe are coming from different types of parents than the kind I was talking about. I'm sorry that your experiences have led you to have such a pessimistic view, the reactions you listed are quite harmful.
@@16poetisa your friend is actually a rarity
if most parents were like you described then we would see very few stories of kids coming up to tell how they were treated when they cried or expressed any kind of negative emotion
ignoring a kid or punishing a kid is so widespread if you actually looked further then your friend
remember that parents were actually encouraged by doctors to let their baby cry instead of rushing to soothe them
while some parents do feel bad seeing their kid cry but most often they deal with it by distracting the kid with some toy or a treat instead of actually extending empathy to the kid
I don’t think I have ever cheered so much before in my bed! After you said Mrs. (Insert AH name here) decided to end the relationship. What a piece of work! Thank you for entertaining and bringing me joy Charlotte!❤
"Pay me back for the engagement ring that you didn't accept" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I hope that walking red flag stays single
I am an Indian, and yes arranged marriages are a thing here and i am in a happy arranged marriage. But its not usually like the one, OP was tricked into. Your parents search for a suitable groom based on your choices and then you meet a few times before taking the decision. I myself met 5 guys before meeting my now husband in this setting and it was so chill on both sides in all cases.
What happened to her was horrible, but i just wrote this to clear the doubts about this being our culture routine
Can we just take a moment to thank the editor(s) again? The editing today was fire!!! I laughed the whole time! Awesome job guys!! 🤣🤣🤣
“There, there” Sheldon cooper😂😂😂
Story 1: Holy heck, why the F is she still with this guy, if all of those red flags are true? In my opinion this is a no win situation, there are good odds she will "shoot the messenger", but if OP doesn't say anything and she finds out OP knew beforehand, she might be mad OP didn't tell her.
Story 1 (update): Well at least she dump the douche.
If this was me & my best friend we'd first say something to the bf & if we couldn't get thru to him we'd say something to each other...
but we've just always been that kind of honest with each other & would be really hurt if the other knew something as important as a proposal was going to be a disaster but didn't say anything & just let us go thru it...
10:39 he got jokes 😂😂😂
My mom likes to insert herself in situations like this to protect me and my brother. It always backfires with my brother and gets angry at her. I have taught her to be supportive but keep her mouth shut. That way his anger is directed at the appropriate person. It's really helped my mom's and my brother's relationship and he is able to focus on what the actual problem is.