Neurobiology of Betrayal Trauma & How to Heal
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- Kristin Snowden, MA, LMFT specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate relationship crisis caused by addiction, infidelity, or emotional abuse.
She discusses the neurobiological (brain and body) consequences of experiencing trauma and evidence-based ways to heal and manage one's neurological responses to trauma and crisis. Trauma is wired into the body anytime your nervous system feels overwhelmed or significantly threatened. The most common causes of trauma happen with someone feels blindsided by someone's behavior or an event. Kristin discusses a subset of trauma called betrayal trauma, which is the trauma experienced when a trusted loved one betrays you. Kristin provides professional insights on how to navigate a relational/betrayal trauma that can be brought on by a relationship crisis due to infidelity, lying, hidden addiction, emotional abuse, and more. She elaborates on the key behaviors that ruin or destroy trust and intimacy and steps to rebuild She will enumerate evidence-based trauma treatment options detailed in Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk's book, The Body Keeps the Score. This is not a substitute for therapy but solely for educational purposes.
This is helpful for anyone who feels deeply confused and hurt in their relationship. Learning more about betrayal trauma, can be freeing and eye-opening to betrayed partners. It is important to educate yourself on the symptoms and treatment of betrayal trauma. Kristin has once a month webinars where she discusses everything related to mental health, personal and relational growth, and addiction recovery.
(This is not therapy, it’s for educational purposes only)
www.kristinsnowden.com | KristinSnowdenMFT@gmail.com
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Get my FREE eBook: A Guide to Navigating Relationship Crisis: bit.ly/RelationshipCrisis to set you down a path toward healing and clarity. It’s a small collection of education, important first steps, and resources to get you through the initial crisis period.
Get Kristin's Relationship Masterclass: Resiliency & Recovery Access her full online library of eye-opening content, helpful tools, comprehensive workbook, and much more. Options for one-on-one LIVE COACHING with Kristin bit.ly/RRROnlineProgram
**Join Kristin's LIVE (zoom) WORKSHOPS for betrayed partners and beyond. Please visit this link for dates/times to register. bit.ly/KristinsWorkshops
Get 20% off with code KRISTINSNOWDEN for the Muse meditation biofeedback device and app to help with consistency, motivation, tracking and accountability. Go to choosemuse.com/kristinsnowden (I receive a small commission)
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Kristin's new book, Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal and Transform Your Life bit.ly/LifeAnonymousBook
Kristin also provides FREE WEBINARS THE SECOND WEDNESDAY OF ODD MONTHS 9:30 AM (pacific time) LINK TO WEBINAR: zoom.us/j/244109360
www.SexandRelationshipHealing...
Co-hosted by Tami VerHelst Tami@seekingintegrity.com
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Kristin's Blog articles: www.kristinsnowden.com/blog
#betrayaltrauma #couplesincrisis #infidelity #addictionrecovery #betrayedpartners #divorce #couplestherapy
Hang in there. It was NOT your fault. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. If you relate to this video then I know how you feel. Remember - there are good people in the world that will not betray your trust and you are destined to connect with them by remaining virtuous, vulnerable, and compassionate, especially for yourself.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Fgem you are so right and when you get stepped on so bad , it's hard to believe there's anyone good left and love is last thing you want. It's hard to find the right one but they're there if you don't it comes down to live yourself and God he will find it for you
Took me 10 years and real love to come to realize I was still traumatized
Thank you 🙏
Ive yet to meet one person who doesnt abuse or betray me
Betrayal never comes from an enemy, it always comes from someone much closer.
Enemies can come close to us
Duh
Right because it's hard to feel betrayed by someone you already don't trust, kind of an oxymoron there 🤔
@Aries Ty Silly GloBot... 🙃 You don't even have to hack a facebook account to nuke it from orbit.
The worst enemy hides inside us all.
Narcissists just simply lack loyalty and will cheat without a second thought how much it hurts the people who love them.
I am learning so much about myself and unhealed childhood wounds after experiencing my Narcissist relationship and being betrayed.
It's insane to me how much they can hurt another person without a care in the world. Truly messed up sick creatures.
Sometimes it is Borderline Personality Disorder. In action, they can look remarkably similar.
The difference is, Narcissists have great self-esteem, while BPD has low self-esteem.
Anyone who has ever been betrayed trusted someone more than they deserve
Facts
We all fall in love with the fantasy of who we think someone is.
Don't victim blame.
@@SKBottom We also fall in love with the person they PRETEND to be for years and then the true colors finally come out when it's far too late.
It's just so unfair. I did nothing wrong and now I question everything. I have to do the work to heal and I was so happy. It was a false happiness but I was so happy. Now I look forward to nothing and fear the work it will take to be okay all the while knowing I will never be the same.. ever.
It is unfair. All trauma is. I’m sorry you have to go through it. You are not alone.
Trust the processs ,manifest n think positive DONT LOSE FAITH NOW...
I feel the same way. I will never be the same person. My wife's actions have absolutely crushed my soul.
Well said. Me the same. It's horrific to have your life in shambles when you've done nothing wrong. 37 years of marriage and 3 children. I am deeply grieved and did not want my life to end up like this.... It's unbelievably unfair!
going thru this right now. and YES i believe h can be yourself again..stay strong
The grief is so real, he was my best friend, loved him more than I can comprehend, I was so fooled, he betrayed me over and over… the thought of being with anyone else repulses me, at the end he won, he was so possessive at times, he was very insecure and love bombed me to keep me blind to his narcissistic behaviors. He knew I wanted forever with him, he promised forever, and I’m so lost right now. therapy isn’t helping, I want to be happy again.
I feel you 😔
How are u doing? I’m a wreck!
The feeling is unimaginably tense! But hold on to yourself Daniela!
I met him when I was healing from another narc abuse relationship. Mentioned that I had been in a toxic relationship and maybe that gave him excited. He love bombed me so bad and he did everything he promised so that I fall for him. And I believed it, I trusted him with my life and of course the future faking got me good as well only to find he’s a covert narcissist. I can’t stop thinking about him, I miss him and this is incredibly painful. Can’t compare this feeling to anything, not even when my dad passed away did I feel this emptiness in my heart and soul. I am beyond tired and disconnected. Truly wish I could at least feel something.
@onolynavarro6050 sending you love dear. Things will get better ❤🌞
I thought I was going crazy. Thank you for explaining what I'm feeling. I've been experiencing pain in my body and mind is all over place and can't focus. I'm on edge and can't trust myself.
You will do this you are going crazy feeling is because you were right in intuition you pushed down probably but felt out of control by not seeing. Crazy no right yes. Now love you and you are worthy of the best now see my words as truth no crazy feeling there because I'm speaking truth to you. Love you now it's time
Omg that is totally me, I didn't understand that my physical pain was related my mental state. I was going crazy, I didn't know what I had done. By 3 diff people in 2 yrs time. Helpless is an understatement. I was I supposed to combat the lies. Truth was always supposed to prevail i
Please let me know how you feel know? Because I am feeling so so bad I don’t know what to do
@@emebetberhane1334you can feel very bad, I have been there. Trust me one day the emotional pain will be much much less. Give it time and read a lot about the subject, you are not alone. I lot of people felt the same and they survived but it take time and give your self the time. Much love ❤
I don't feel like blaming myself, I just feel like turning my "I don't trust most people" to "I trust no one anymore"
I am also feeling this way a struggling to keep my heart open
Right in it with you… I trust no one not even myself…
Wise tbh
That may not be blaming yourself, but it is punishing yourself in the long run. Do not trust that person, that's who you don't need to trust. I can totally understand the person who said they don't trust themself. I've went through that phase too. After all, I picked the man who I spent 10 years w/ and he ended up cheating on. Not even in a conventional, sneaking around way. He brought her home to me and used me as a friend to her, simply because he felt his mistress half our age needed a friend. Long story short, he got one chance, because he lied all along and swore it never became sexual. He went back w/ her and I eventually found out through a slip up that it was sexual all along. Man did I question myself and my gullibility. It was his low character though, not mine.
It does not occur to me to trust no one, just not to trust him. I've went the opposite way and got in touch w/ old friends and widened my circle. Most people are not like him. I'm not like him. I can actually love someone and not betray them. There are good people in the world. Be careful, have boundaries, but you can find them. Please don't put a life sentence of isolation on yourself to not trust anyone, because of the sins of one person.
Same. I, very avoidant and hate that feeling
My betrayal trauma was so intense it dysregulated my nervous system to the point I was dizzy and lightheaded for 4 months. In and out of hospital. Never had trauma this intense it affected my body physically.
You’re not alone. I know people who come down with chronic pancreatitis, fibromyalgia, IBS, etc. Often correlated with long term trauma/chaotic environments.
Learning so much on how to calm my nervous system with Nueroplasticity, breath work and brain retraining. It definitely has helped. Thank God my dizziness and other mysterious systems has subsided big time. Thank you for all that you do!@@KristinSnowden
Thank you. I'm so grateful for your clear descriptions and understanding. Without going into beteavement counselling I guess a partner dying can also seem like a betrayal especially if betrayal responses have already been triggered.
I lost 45 pounds. Suffered multiple infections. Lost hair.
Lost 20 pounds, lost hair, can't take deep breaths, and woozy- I hope you have recuperated somewhat- I wouldn't wish these nightmare feelings on my worst enemy.
Every time I look up betrayal trauma I bawl because it's happened to me with all the people I truly cherished...
Me too. From my parents and brother. I never saw it coming and i am devastated.
😢❤
Same. First my now-ex spouse, then my sister, brother, and father.
hurts. bad.
Yep two ex-wives, both 15-year marriages ending in betrayal. And extremely selfish brother and sister that walked all over me my whole life. I believe I was a codependent people pleaser. Now pushing 60 I've become a bit of a recluse. It takes a lot out of me just to leave the house. I don't trust anyone not even myself. I don't hate women but scared of them. I can't believe anything anybody says. And that makes it hard to have a conversation with anyone . I have felt like this the last 4 years. It is wearing me down. I have tried therapy and a lot of things. I'm not done trying, maybe someday I will feel normal again. Whatever that is.
It happened 3.5 years ago and I'm still blindsided by intense PTSD from finding out his double life was going on for over 5 years. Thank you for being a resource for those of us who are still on a path to figuring out our "life after...."
Ohhh man was it a relief when I found. Out about betrayal trauma but if I could find more on its symptoms because there are some very similar things us betrayed do that like wogh... I do that tooo
Thank you for saying that. It's really validating to see someone else still has issues with it. I
I relate!! I feel like I will never truly heal! So much of it doesn't make sense. I keep trying to make it make sense. I'm isolating more. I'm fearful. I don't trust myself to see the truth about people, so therefore it feels safer to assume everyone will hurt me, even family who never have. Nothing makes sense anymore. Avoidance means I don't have to deal with triggers. It's been 4 years! If I could only go back to the me I used to know. 😥
Hi KH. Have you connected to WeTonglen? It’s a free community for betrayed partners. Lots of support and great resources. SexandRelationshipHealing.com is also a great free resource.
@@KristinSnowden I haven't...it's good to know that there is help. It seems no one understands which only makes everything worse. A good friend said it best, "It's like a death only no one shows up with a cake." In fact, the opposite is true. People literally avoid us rather than move towards us with compassion to help. They only know the person we married with the sheep's clothing ON. They don't know the hell they put us through behind closed doors: the lies, the lies, the manipulation and gaslighting and more lies. The outsider's lack of knowledge only validates the whole idea that people should be avoided because they will never understand, and if we dare try to explain it now after everything has imploded, we look like we're just trying to get even. We look like we're crazy. There's just seemingly no way to pick up all the shattered pieces. There seems no way to stop all the ripples that continue even now 4 years later. No part of my life has been left untouched by the fallout. Thank you for the information. And thank you must of all for what you do. It matters!
My reality completely crumbled after 12 yrs of thinking that I was being respected and loved outside of our home.
You’re not alone. I hope you can find a support system.
I’ve been dealing with intense intrusive thoughts and anxiety from my ex partner who was manipulative and unfaithful. I thought I’d healed over the years but now I’m with someone new and the trauma has risen its ugly head. He is very open, affectionate and loyal but my head has become increasingly scrambled remembering old wounds.
same situation here :( i wish i could give him all that i gave my ex. hope you’re doing better!
I’m sorry for what ur going through. I relate so much…I chose to stay. We did therapy and the past 3 yrs have been really good. We are about to celebrate 14 yrs together. I still have intrusive thoughts about what he did…however our family and life is so much more important than his horrible decisions. I hope u find peace and genuine happiness. We all deserve that
@kellyrozenel7863 I appreciate you sharing some of your story with this community.
@@kellyrozenel7863 can I ask if your spouse is still open to talk about what he did when those intrusive thoughts pop up many years later? Marriage counselor is pushing for us to move past what was done and I'm concerned that I'll have to deal with intrusive thoughts on my own.
I'm literally sitting here with my jaw on the ground. This is so validating!!! I have just felt like I'm crazy, damaged, just totally screwed up. Come to find out, it is actually the repetative betrayals!! My gosh... 🤯🤯🤯
There are free support groups on Wetonglen and Sexandrelationshiphealing.com as well if you're looking for more support.
Same 100%! This video gives us validation to the rollercoaster of abuse they've used to control us.
i keep myself busy , but i started flinching... i am batching i suddenly flinch... working ... i suddenly flinch... i am about to cry all the time. I am nit picking on evryone i speak to. excessively vigilant. Lost my confidence my health. I am unable to trust anyone. I am 30 and i dont know beliefs and values anymore. I dont beleive in them. My kindness has paid me more bad than good ever. after been through evrything i feel my body and brain is so alert about evrything. i can feel my nervous system asking for help... i feel helpless.
Just listening to you speak on this issue of betrayal has been very therapeutic. Now that I have a better understanding of the fuckery / betrayal, I no longer feel trapped in hatred and bitterness
Your post opened my eyes to being trapped. I never saw it that way. wow. thank you.
Yes @@valeriewalkerwhite9525
I'm glad you said hatred feelings because I've gone through some of that in fact slot hatred then missing hatred missing. See saw. Ty for bringing your feelings out here it helped me
I just wrote the AZ trauma institute this morning if they had courses in betrayal trauma. They didn’t. I woke up to 12 years of lies and deceit. My ex living a double life. That is like the hardest thing to get over because your entire reality it’s not real. What you thought is not what it is. It shatters you.This is excellent and exactly what happened to me.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
This is really interesting. Now I see why we get the flight/flight rush even when we are only suspicious of infidelity.
There are a ton of "professionals" who don't even get this.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Betrayal is just like a stabbing to the back, I cant move my left arm freely, and my left leg feels heavy and numb, also my clavicula hurts as hell, dizziness, laziness, confusion, vertigo, bad and short sleep... Those are the same muscolar contraction you would have after beign stabbed or utterly shocked by a traumatizing event, physical or emotional. But I'll get out of this! ❤
❤and let me know please if you feel better now?l don’t know what to do
This is so true. I am absolutely devastated even 2 months after catching him. I got no closure, no apology just no human decency after 5 years. I thought I forgave him and created my own apology but I didn’t. I have to fill in my own blanks. I thought telling myself “ he didn’t betray me he betrayed himself” was the best answer, but it’s not working even though it’s true. I am heartbroken 💔
I am so sorry to hear this but you’re not alone in struggling after betrayal and so many unanswered questions. My website KristinSnowden.com has several more resources and support for these kind of struggles.
How are you doing wnat to connect?
Yes, thank you for MAKING us aware of what is "normal" about how to feel after betrayals. What makes healing worse are people who come along afterwards that LOVE to rub it in that they've never made any bad decisions in their life, and they "feign" perfection. Thank you for explaining how to fix the problem.
Wow that scares me someone who doesn't make bad decisions. To much perfect there I think their lying how about you , do you think their truthful? I hope I read that right. If they said that I'd run. To much perfection there
The betrayal I experienced was from my sister and her husband. They lied to me about something which I had entrusted to them at their urging and hung me out to dry. I'm the pariah in my family because my sister presents herself with the façade of an angel. My life has been permanently upended and the mental and emotional effects have manifested physically, and also in my decision-making, with which I struggle immensely.
I was feeling groggy all day today. Was watching one of these videos, cried and now feel better. Something psychologically does affect the body and you don’t even realize it.
I lost my spirituality, my perception of the world, God Bless you Kristin
I’m glad you’re going to get through this and heal!
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Betrayal from my parents broke me (dv, narcissistic abuse and abandonment). I am still alive partly out of spite, but also because I have a genuine, compassionate heart and I believe that all my suffering serves a higher purpose. I feel so sad for my parents who didn't appreciate the love of their only daughter.
Yep. Total annihilation of trust in everything.
Thank you! This is the first video I have watched about betrayal trauma that explains what I've been going through and trying to get my partner to understand. In no way has my therapist addressed the trauma created by the betrayal and is more interested in what the conditions were in our relationship dynamic that may have contributed to the affair. While watching this I'm thinking I need to find a therapist who works with betrayal trauma because none of the trauma I have experienced and am still experiencing is being addressed and instead my angry outbursts or what is being referred to as me creating a bi-weekly crisis is being deemed as a problem when in reality it's not. It's me still reeling from the infidelity.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that pain but there is help. Find professionals who have experience in betrayal trauma.
@@KristinSnowden thank you for your message. 😊🙏
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Exactly it's your human response and that therapist is idiot step on you some more he didn't do enough . Not time to step up and see your best he'd ever have and you are ready to love you not therepy not him Love you find you and your value as the best see it believe it and appreciate the wonderful person you are .
Anyone else’s relationship trauma keeping them from sending this to their partner because of how pretty she is? Such a great video though
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Triangulation,gas lightening,monkey branching,abuse by proxy is what I was subjected to intially as it started of as an emotional affair.He played the "she just a friend" card.
I can honestly say the trauma is no different of as of a physical affair.
@@scottrodriguezabednego8520 get a life
I got the "she's just a friend" spiel too, and it was also texting. He received nudes from two of them.
THANK YOU! I'm so frustrated with people trying to say that the trauma suffered is from my childhood when it started AFTER I was married!
We can develop trauma and PTSD throughout our life, based on various stressful, overwhelming events. CPTSD is the symptoms of collecting unprocessed trauma throughout our lifespan, so it kind of “builds up” inside us, so to speak.
I've been seeing a therapist for years and somehow this video has given me more understanding and skills to practice than paid therapy... Thank you so much. You are very helpful and informative on this subject. I hope you still do the webinars, I would love to listen in.
Thank you! I do continue to do live webinars through SexandRelationshipHealing.com every second Wednesday of the month 9:30am pacific time. Feel free to join us. The link is below in the comments.
ppo
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Thank you for verbalizing for me what has gone on. Its hard when you don't have the words to express the trauma. The bear is a great example. And it is validating to know I'm not crazy when my body continues to have physical reactions to what I have experienced.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Sometimes people turn to addictions because of narcissistic abuse. Constant disrespect and lies and antagonization will lead someone to an addiction often such as drinking or smoking weed to cope with the stress.
Thank you so much. I didn't realize that my brain is traumatized from all the assaults and betrayal from my partner.(Also I have childhood trauma) Separated for four months now in a new country and yesterday negative emotions (sadness, unhappiness and loneliness) were swallowing me and I was terrified and wanted to go back to my partner. I did some mindfulness techniques to get out of that stage but it was petrifying! Never experienced something so intense as yesterday...I was actually scared of being alone in the room because of fear of loneliness and sadness.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
I go though these same being alone scared wanting to go to him. Then I realize that's not loving me that's excusing him and his actions accountability disrespect he did to me. I love that God made me I was special enough for God to put me here who am I to disrespect God's decisions. He did this so I could have the best not what doesn't love me as I deserve. See your oneness that special that God loves you and you need to. They will never be the person you are
Thank you for not derailing to explain what betrayal trauma is... If we're here, we absolutely know what it is 🤦
Thank you! I am one step closer to healing!
When my partner and I went to therapy before the outcome of the affair, he was very calm in therapy and I was off the walls. The therapist blew me off . After the affair, the therapist still blew me off and concentrated on asking him how much he loved his job. I was quiet and in trauma state and because he showed shame she made sure to make him feel comfortable.
I’m sorry to hear that that was your experience.
@@KristinSnowden you were right tho! People and even therapists tend to steer towards the calm one because it’s easier.
@@diane1082
These guys are very good at manipulating Counselors and therefore typically unproductive and frustrating.
That therapist should stop counseling. You need to find someone who will listen to you and validate what you're saying.
@@KristinSnowden thanks, i wish you lived in my sarea!LOL!
THANK U!!!FINALLY A VIDEO THAT EXPLAINS TREATMENTS INSTEAD OF SYMPTOMS! I already know what I have, treatment options is what I look for!!!
So glad to have found this video and channel. I’ve been struggling to work my way through multiple issues on my own since I was betrayed by a partner, close friends, and people within my support groups. Thank you.
This was great! Definetly hit so many great points.
Thank you, this video helps me to understand why my emotions are so challenging and why I have a lot of anxiety while I’m in a relationship.
This answers so many questions and puts words to what I’ve felt yet didn’t have a way to identify them ❤
This is such great information!!
The Body Keeps the Score is one of my favorite books. So very helpful.
I learn so much from your videos, Mrs. Kristin. You definitely explain whats going on in the brain in a easy to understand way. Thank you for these!
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Wow, you really know about this complex subject, kudos for setting the record straight on everything from under qualified therapists to the truth about EMDR, these are very important points that are overlooked or ignored. Much honor and respect to you.
I am so grateful to stumble upon this video. Your explanation has helped me immensely to understand what happened to me. Thank you 🙏
So happy my content has been helpful to you.
My BF and I were together for 6 years and I broke things off suddenly when I discovered that not only was he leading a secret life and had been cheating for 5 years but he snuck off and married her while still with me..and continued dating me after the wedding. Now I suddenly am the one left with no answers, no closure, no couples therapy just a massive dose of betrayal trauma and no way to work through it! How do you move through when the person is gone and you have no answers and no partner to ask what happened?
This is such a relief you have described 100% what i feel and I feel like im losing myself emotionally . I dont recognize myself. Couples therapy isnt working and i often feel like im driving over a cliff and I don’t know how to hit the brakes. I seriously need help getting away and out of this situation.
I moved to another town and only come back to see my son. It helps alot.
I agree please help
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Hi Kristen, the way you explained the sudden trauma and the excuses these persons that we trusted completely the cruelty that they manifest is unbelievable. I was able to forgive and leave my ex, I still missed her but held my ground and stayed away from her she became indifferent and aloof, busy and combative
Grateful for your expertise.
You are on point! So happy to have found you
Thank you! So glad the video was validating.
Thank you! Thank you! I always felt like I had this trauma, but the therapists that I tried didn't validate those feelings of utter madness, and brokenness. Many times I felt guilty, and my now ex husband never understood the level of trauma I went through. Now I feel free of this image of being weak and irrational.
@@alysonlentini1615 NO! You and your kids deserve better and you have to be free to find better! And first just be your best self by yourself to see how strong and competent you really are!
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Excellent information. Thank you.
I deeply needed these words thank u
This was so informative and affirming, THANK YOU!!
Your videos are great. I love that you promoted so many holistic remedies. You sound so genuinely empathetic. Like you really want us to heal. Thank you for helping.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thankyou thankyou so much for this video. You're made a big difference in my life.
💜🙏
Oh my gosh yoga and breath work is exactly what my mom and I have been talking about as therapeutic in self awareness and healing! You're so on point and this is full of so much good information!
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Extremely helpful video
Thank you. This video helped so much..
Thank you for real help. I’m working hard to process through betrayal trauma while seeking help with experts that are trained in this. I realize this is more important than than going to traditional couples counseling as this is not only failing me but making it worse. Your validation and real steps to take to work through triggers and just standing up for myself to create boundaries to keep my sanity are so very helpful. Thank you.
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Thank you for this video
Thank you for this
Thank you for this video. I feel so lost and this is spot on. I’m hoping to heal and move forward.
3yrs later..how are you doing???
Excellent video!
I am severely traumatized but I am so excited to find this. So much excellent information here. Plus you are just soothing and on point, very competent!! So excited because I can't afford therapy but now I feel like there is hope, perhaps I can find resources here to self educate. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ma'am. ❤
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
I have been watching your videos constantly since the uncovering of my fiancé’s hidden addiction. I am completely shattered, these videos are the only thing that is helping me get by without lashing out every two seconds. Your content is helping me understand what I am going through in this complete mess of this thing I call my life, or what I thought was my life. I sent one of your videos to my fiancé and it was literally the only thing that really settled with him. I couldn’t explain my thoughts and feelings in an understanding way to him, I also couldn’t talk to him at all until he sat down and watched your video. It has what allowed us both to start to pick up the thousands of broken pieces and come to an agreement that we want and need therapy. Thank you for all that you do. I really would be lost without your videos. Thank you so so much.
Amanda Lou thank you for sharing your story with me (and everyone). I’m so glad these videos have been helpful to you. My hope is that you and your partner can find help and healing.
🔝😫💔
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
It’s good to hear someone was able to overcome this. I love my partner and am willing to work through this but I feel like a complete mess
I’d encourage you to find a community and help. There’s sexandrelationshiphealing.com and I have a new betrayed partner group starting in august www.kristinsnowden.com/kristinsworkshops
Thank you for this video.
I am glad to find this. My best friend and wife if 23 years (now X) has me all kinds of messed up to the point my hair is literally falling out from stress.
Sorry to hear that. Hair loss from trauma and stress is called telogen effuvium. Once you experience it, you are likely to experience it again when you are triggered. I hope you have at least started to resolve your stress and grief in the year since you posted.❣
wonderful lecture. thank ya
So true on multiple levels...very informative!
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you, Kristin, very important topic, great insights. I’m currently training as trauma sensitive yoga facilitator and learning a lot about trauma recovery process. Emdr and exposure therapy can be extremely damaging for survivors of childhood abuse and neglect b/c we just don’t have the developmental neurobiological resources and the core sense of self for that kind of treatment thus it leads to more dysregulation (Dr.Daniel Brown, Attachment project)
Somatic experiencing and trauma sensitive yoga could be a good start though, for addressing developmental trauma and building the essential inner resources.
In TSY we work with body self, the insula, and its a part of overall sense of self hosted by medial prefrontal cortex along with the sense of self agency. Strengthening MPC aka creating new connections b/w neurons through focusing on interoception, proprioception, making gentle choices and taking effective actions in relation to our bodies, it dampens the amygdala reactivity and the frequency of fight/flight/freeze triggers activation. Also, Judith Herman wrote “The guiding principle of recovery is restoring the sense of power and control in survivor “ which again translates to the sense of self agency.
Hope it was helpful. Blessings your way, you’re doing very important work here.
Thank you for your additional commentary on EMDR and other exposure therapies. I appreciate it. And its so cool to hear that there are yoga practices specializing in helping one heal from trauma.
Wow! Thank you for advice on finding a therapist who understands betrayal trauma.
Keep spreading the word for those of us who have lost ourselves
You’re very good. Thank you so much for this content
She's great. I'm going through hell. 27 years he,changed.I know my gut feeling is going crazy. I talk about it I'm not sexy, I'm paranoid , crazy, turns it on me. Why can't he admit ít
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
Lovely put, acknowledging is huge
Thanks for this. It was very helpful.
I am three months out from an emotional abusing, blank inside monster.
Thankyou for this! I was fooled for years and then my wife turned out to be a narcissistic psychopath of the covert type. Yes they really exist! And I have to come to terms with how to co-parent with someone who does not love her children, who has no empathy, and no conscience. The hardest thing is how to protect my daughter against a narcissistic mother.
I had to save my daughter from my husband. She was self harm, running away, and then called suicide hotline with thoughts of killing her dad. Her dad said I was the reason she didn't like her dad. No, he did this to himself by drinking alcohol heavily, joking and causing fear in her, causing her anxiety when he'd argue over the littlest stupidest things. I had to go through couples therapy with him with a black man with LMFT masters because I NEEDED my husband to get it through his thick thick skull of his that he did this to himself and I'm falling apart trying to hold it together. I had NO WHERE to turn. My mom is narcissistic as well!!!
I am so sorry to hear this! I hope it will be well for you and your daughter!!
Teach your kids about narcissism. Love them and be the truthful, really honest, loyal parent. It’s not necessary to badmouth the other parent, your child will make conclusions. I’m in the same situation
Narcissistic psychopath covet type 💥 I felt that. So so so damaging.
Still dealing with this 3+ yrs out. So tired and he is too.
💗 almost 2 years here, same. Hang in there
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 ,𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 s𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
5 years till date. Now learning to be with me only. It's great to peep inside. Wow
2+ years and still suffering bad… hope everyone is better…
Very good content Kristen, going through some betrayal right now !
This really hit home!
It's so good just hear that someone understands what I'm gong through. I hate this feeling. Everything triggers and reminds me of what she did. I can't escape it. It's with me 24/7.... I hate this.
I’m sorry. You are not alone. So many people struggle with PTSD-like symptoms post betrayal.
I found out many things after my husband died suddenly at age 55. I have tried to find resources regarding betrayal trauma after death of a spouse but am not coming up with much. This is a great video though, I'm learning a lot.
Best video on this stuff by a mile - so so accurate. Thank you.
Thank you! Such a huge compliment.
Thank you. I felt so validated ❤ it helps.
Pretty good information so far..
Never knew help like this exit..
Now I slowly see what happened to me..
And why some divorce end up dead..
Excellent presentation
Thank you!
I've had constant betrayal trauma repeat itself in a cycle to me since I was a child. I'm 35 years old now and it's just happened again from a potential spouse. It's just never ending. I have no happy memories and cry every night. My heart is broken, I can feel it. 😢💔
thank you for not dedicating the whole video to explaining what betrayal trauma is. Although I understand that the first step in healing is being able to identify your issues, it becomes discouraging at least for me to keep being reminded of what it is that im going through rather than being reminded of ways to improve my sitaution so thank you for this different type of format.
I have no shame at all. Mostly regret for moving forward through the red flags until I've morphed reality. I realize my "normal " is so far from what is truly acceptable in the real worl. This video has totally validated all that my body & mind has been through and why I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster every time I converse with him or notice something off. The gaslighting is tramatic because you know you're right. I'm stronger now. I just want it all to be over.
When you have children with them it's nearly impossible to be totally free from them. Ongoing abuse in different forms. I wish I could be totally free from it all
Thank you for sharing some of your story. I’m sure many resonate with your comments.
Thank you
Hey Kristin, thank you so much for this.
The way that you explain the thought processes is awesome. I find your videos super helpful.
I have lots of trauma, current as well as early childhood however, I really connect with your videos.
Thank you.
Thank you for your comments and I’m glad the videos have resonated with you and helped you.
I appreciate it.
I did a paper on the healing arts while in grad school so I started using my singing talent more.. mainly to help w memory and to tap into my emotions and release them.. I'm still working on it
@@scottrodriguezabednego8520 wow...if you ever need to track someone, it's end game in my opinion. That means that something is truly broken and if someone is cheating, they have the right to cheat but I also have the right to see other people too and/or leave. I have the same rights as they have. I've always thought this way and that may be why I'm single...lololol...
11 Years of marriage and she just threw everything away. Spot on with my own experience... 😢
Thank you.
6 years after finding out about the adultery and gaslighting but certainly still suffering. My body has and is certainly keeping score
I am with you on this boat! On top of it,
My sis was diagnosis stage four cancer. He took every opportunity to see her at night and do the nasty with her in the car. she was 28 ( and him 48!- she’s only 9 years older
Than our oldest) and knows that he’s married to kids. I guess she doesn’t mind sharing but I do! I know it’s not her fault. It’s also his fault. But they are both to be blame. She’s not a child. She’s a full grown adult and knows what she’s doing. I really loathe both of them. On top of that it was my 19-year-old who found out that her dad was not at home at 1 AM in the morning! He lied and gaslamped it was over! I caught them 3x with my own eyes in a spam
Of 8 months!
I am still dealing with the infidelity trauma and the loss of my sis. She didn’t make it! It hurts so much!
@@Nuevachica I'm sorry 😞 what a disgusting world disgusting people can make it...
Thank you so much
Just found out. Thank you for this.
And I also blame myself for not setting boundaries
𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏...... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 *𝟔𝟗𝒖𝒏𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 .𝒄𝒐𝒎* 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 😌😔
I did the counting backwards by 7 from 100 and I can tell the difference. Thank you for that..
So glad it helped! That’s one of my go-tos for down regulation.