11 Signs Of BETRAYAL Trauma
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- čas přidán 24. 06. 2024
- In this video I share 11 signs you may be suffering with betrayal trauma. Betrayal can happen out of nowhere and leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to move forward. I have been through betrayal too many times to count which is one reason I am now so careful with who I connect with. But even if you have boundaries and connect with good healthy people, betrayal can still come out of nowhere when you least expect it.
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My name is Jordan Hardgrave. I once suffered from debilitating trauma, depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, health anxiety, social anxiety, existential anxiety, and many more things that wasted many years of my life. I was tired, frustrated, and gave up hope that I could ever find healing. To be honest, I didn’t even know I was traumatized. My symptoms became a part of who I was. They became “normal”. Many years ago, after throwing together all the tools I could find online (most of which didn’t help), I accidentally stumbled upon a body-based method that brought me permanent healing. I figured, “If I apply all these tools at the same time surely one will work”. Little did I know at the time that hidden within the dozens of tools that didn’t work, I had discovered body-based tools that DID work, which skyrocketed my results and got me to being 100% symptom free.
When I was suffering I made a commitment that if I ever could become symptom free (I never thought I actually would, lol), that I would spend the rest of my life helping others heal. I spent tens of thousands of hours and dollars studying under the top trauma and mental health experts in the world, as well as constantly perfecting my method until it would bring rapid results no matter how long someone had been suffering. I based my method off evidence-based tools as well as the work and understanding of experts such as Dr. Steven Porges, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, Dr. Peter A Levine, and Dr. Joseph LeDoux just to name a few.
Yes, here I am. Like Forest Gump fulfilling his promise to Bubba that he would become a shrimp boat captain, I am at your service. :) I created the Trauma Free Academy as a resource to help you find the healing you have been searching for but have only been met with confusion. I don’t want you to have to make the many mistakes I made that wasted so much of my life. I want to show you how to get to the root of your symptoms instead of managing them for years but never getting to 100%. If you’re ready to go on this journey with me, follow me. Also, I have created tons of paid resources as well if you’re wanting more specific and personalized help. Here is what we have to offer:
DISCLAIMER: Nothing I say should by email or in any form of communication replace a consultation with a licensed mental health professional and doctor for diagnosis and treatment. I am unable to diagnose or treat any sort of medical or mental health condition. I am also unable to prescribe medication or give any advice about medication other than my general opinion. Anything I say in any form of communication is my personal opinion and should be treated as such and not taken as medical advice or seen as an attempt to diagnose or treat any sort of medical or mental health condition. Thank you.
To apply to work with me and my team to help you heal and feel normal again here is the info: 5shiftsmasterclass.coachjordanhardgrave.com/webinar-page
It is psychotic to spread false hope like this and I love it.
Inability to trust and avoiding people are the main ones for me
Also isolating
I TRUST no one. Sorry. I've been single over 20 years. All the symptoms you mentioned I can relate to most of them. They were milestones on the journey. I've come to peace about the betrayal. It's in the past. I try not to look in my rear view mirror. I livein the present. And some people, other than the person who shattered my soul, I love from a distance. I believe the entire experience is like going through the valley of the shadow of death. It takes time to come out on the other side. And you come out an entirely different person. Hard lessons learned. Even about yourself.
Betrayed by everyone. I just don't think I'll ever be able trust anyone ever again.
Jesus Christ will never betray you. He made this promise to everyone whosoever believe in Him will have eternal life. Ask Jesus to show himself to you. Talk to him.
Learn to trust in yourself (i.e. betrayal by others will disappoint, but can't kill you).
By being distrustful of everyone, you're allowing those who betrayed you, to win.
Best of luck!
sending u love and strength
God will seek him trust only him it’s okay you are normal we all go thru it but chose God ❤it works
Narcistic parents plus hostile indifference from a spouse is a terrible combination.
This part right here
Betrayal: it is overwhelming. I’ve experienced on multiple levels. It was devastating.
I’ll never put my faith in a human being ever.
Jesus will never betray you. Put your faith in Him. Jesus Christ is the Way the Truth and the Life.
I get you !!!It is devastating and cruel!But there are many good people out there ,but always remember,preparedness..Betrayal can take place at any place or by anyone!!!❤
God will never betray you. I encourage you to seek Him. That’s how I healed❤
Betrayal is felt before seen. It begins in a heart gone cold; from a parent then, a lover now-present, but somewhere else, with someone else. Hostile indifference. Behaviors might be hard to distinguish from what an abusive childhood established as normal. Betrayal, tolerated.
Yes. Thank you very much.❤
18 yrs after my divorce. Loss of family home. Getting 2 kids through university. You NEVER get over it. You just have to live with it. Rejection, lies, cheating….. it just goes on……….
So well said. Thank you.🤍🤍🤍
@@gardenroom65 yup. So true. The only relief I have found is from making God proud. Sounds stupid and like I’m an evangelist type, but I’m not trying to. If I make decisions that I feel make God proud then I feel absolved from my past mistakes and move on a bit. It is asked where does morality come from. I think that morality comes from the broken people that wish for a better world. Those that haven’t seen the darkness in its truest form have no place speaking on right and wrong. Be the most right you can be and heal yourself and the world. God bless.
@@gardenroom65give your pain over to God. Jesus was betrayed even worse and still could forgive. Let it go and it can no longer control you
Eventually,after years of repeated betrayals,you just sigh and move on without a thought. Learn to expect it from everyone to some degree and conduct yourself accordingly.
And the saddest part is all the love you have to give petrifies and is never directed at yourself. It gets stuck inside, because you learn to not invest, that nothing ever means anything, so you feel less and less each time. Does make it much easier to move on, but it sucks.
I agree
I am no longer the person I was and that is fine. Most times I don’t feel like a normal human being but that is fine too. I accepted the fact that I have changed .
I was married to a covert narcissist. She has or had everyone fooled. Then when I realized who she really was, she ran out of my life because she realized that she had lost control of everything. I was clinically depressed, abusing substances, and extremely lazy. It took one day after she was gone and I snapped out of it. I took complete control over my life again and filed for divorce. She is a thief, a cheat, a liar and a coward. I'm finally free! 😁
I suffered a very strong betrayal around 20 years ago. There was an instant when I felt my brain and heart snap and it was a kind of out of body experience of a pain so great I completely shut down.
To this day I don’t trust anyone, I don’t encourage friendships and I live alone.
It was and is the biggest betrayal of my life and it had shaped my life in an unhealthy life ever since.
Thanks for sharing
My wife who’s in the military betrayed the heck out of me so badly too and I’m here to let you know that I feel your pain! We have 2 kids and during that time my daughter was 3 and son 6. She suddenly realized she didn’t want to be a wife anymore and filed for custody while we slept in the same bed. During that time she was PCS to a new location so far it would have been impossible for me to see the consistently. Mind you I never hit her, cheated on her did drugs or any of that. Long story short, I won custody and she PCS to WA state. It’s been 3 years now of straight neglect from her when it came to the kids emotionally and financially. But just the other day she asked if we could work things out without apologizing for trying to take the kids, breaking our family dismantling my trust and cheating. So I said no, hell no!
I struggle making friends now. I prefer to be alone even though I'm lonely. I don't hurt myself others do
@@Sports-4-Funit's been 9 years For me our youngest was 3. He took off with his accountant that was well aware he had children and a wife. She even sat at our kitchen table and ate food I had cooked with us.
He now lives interstate and see's the children once a year for no more than 5 days and tells all who will listen that I am turning the children against him. He doesn't seem to understand his absence does that.
I wish you well and good on you foe telling her no
I was horribly betrayed at 10 years old. The shame, loss of self esteem, destroyed potential...on drugs by 12 yrs old. Horrible years, painful youth. I've made it to 68 and much happier as an older person.
Yes, I've experienced major betrayal. And it's been almost 4 years and I'm still struggling to heal!!
Forgiveness is key. Jesus will enable you to overcome.
Me too, I can't get over it, it replays in my mind over and over, it's been 4 years also, the one who betrayed me is still in my house and won't leave, he did cheated on me a few times, I can't get him to leave, I don't trust him, I don't like sex anymore, I'm a mess now.
Betrayals within a 41 year marriage is worse than all the other betrayals I have ever had. It's not a daily battle to forgive. I know that forgiveness is so my own soul is free and does not let them off the hook. But at moments, it's very difficult. I have healed from past betrayal traumas, but this one is the worst.
Jesus was betrayed He will help you.
It's very difficult to trust again.
Being lied to sense 2020..... if not earlier... feels like a punch to the stomach that won't stop hurting.
Thank you for sharing
I'm going through the same thing, since 2019 and 2020, it happened back to back, I wasn't over the first trauma, when it happened again, then I find out there was another one too,
Betrayal, fear, and despair is the worst
I have been through this before and the best thing to do is forgive the person who betrayed you. You can forgive but You will never forget It will always be in your Head and in your heart. But you have to rise above it and move on. my faith in Jesus is what got me through he sticks closer than a brother. And he is always there for you all you have to do is talk to him. He is the best thing that ever happened to this broken heart. He is the way the truth and the life.
Thanks for sharing! Forgiveness is so important.
Forgiveness for yourself yes, but not necessarily for the person who has betrayed you, it depends on what they have done.
All sins are forgiven by God except blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I love to forgive,it renews my strength and relaxes my mind.
When my mother passed, my 2 older brothers betrayed me as far as her will. I received nothing and they attacked my character if I approached them about it. I never thought that would be my family. We have not spoken since..that really hurt.
From sarah that happend to me when my dad died my stepfather did the same when my mother died .I really empathise .
I'm living your story right now. I'm so sorry for you. It does hurt. Bad.
I'm living out the same betrayal. No amount of counseling or medication takes away the pain. It helps, but it doesn't take it away. If I didn't know the unfailing love of Jesus, I don't know where I would be right now. He is trustworthy when no one else is.
Recovering well from betrayal by a covert narcissist in fact a lifetime of narcissistic relationships starting with my parents. At age 78 it's never too late to be happy and healthy.
Thank you for your comment!
I’m going through it right now. I didn’t know about betrayal trauma. It’s nice to know the symptoms I’m having are normal.
So glad to help!
I’m going through this as well. I don’t recognize myself. I’m not functioning right. I’m just exhausted all the time. Life feels like a chore. I’ve put myself back together before but something about this last betrayal broke me. The thing is I’m a single mother who must survive and thrive. I’m failing my daughter who did nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve unavailable parent. She’s been betrayed by her father and our family. I have to restore myself and build a better version of myself and give her the life she deserves and needs. The thing is I’m poor. Medicaid doesn’t do mental health well. I start therapy tomorrow an I don’t see a psychiatrist till March! So I’m trying to play psychologist on CZcams! God help us all!!
@@Vitalocaahey, one day at a time. You can do this. Been there, done that. Besides healing time and work, try to focus majority of time on your child. In the years to come you will be glad you made the sacrifice of time. It’s so hard, but worth it. You will make mistakes, so what, it’s ok, learn from them. You are human, you’re allowed. Keep a relationship with Jesus and you’ll make it through. Life will absolutely get better.
I've been through trauma with PTSD before and now I'm there again after my husband's infidelity. It completely crushed me. I can't get on my feet. I'm in a very dark place. Found you and you describe it so well. Thanks 🌹
It’s a thing. It’s called intimate partner integrity abuse
@@Webbgurl2000 Thanks, I didn't know what it was called.
Same… it’s been 6 years and I’m still suffering. 😔💔
@@iaminevitable_ Trauma is tough. It's just too much sometimes. That's when I jump into to our cold lake or a cold shower to get an adrenaline kick. It helps for a while. 🌹
U r not alone..I hope you find some peace and happiness.
I was in a relationship with a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissist for 16 years with 2 kids. He betrayed me so badly on so many levels so many times that i tried to unalive myself numerous times!! The 1st betrayal that i was aware of was so bad i ended up in the mental hospital for weeks!! 21 years later,I'm still affected by the things this man put me thru and i see the trauma in my adult kids lives as well that this man caused all because he was on a power trip and got off on seeing us hurt and crying! Every time this man tries his hoover attempts I'm terrified of him!! Thank god for my adult children they protect me!!
You can't be still with him?????
@barbmogen4841 No! Thank god i left this man 23years ago. But the past traumas still linger and certain things will trigger me.
He is very dangerous. Capable of anything. No conscious. There is a level of narcissism that I feel borders on sociopath/pschopath level.
It's tramua has changed me from the loving happy reserved person it makes you angry keep thinking about it controls your life not a happy person deep down your hole self worth as a person is ripped away 😢
I am sorry that your past Trauma has taken so much from you. I understand how that feels. I would encourage you to check out the 5 Shifts to Heal from Trauma, Anxiety, Depersonalization & Emotional Numbness Masterclass. It is a free Masterclass that will show you the 5 shifts to become symptom free using a body-based approach. You can find the link in my main CZcams profile as well as in the description and first pinned comment in any Video. Hang in there and thanks for commenting!
February 2020 changed my life forever and I’m no closer to being healed now than I was when it happened.
February 2015 was mine.
Indeed, me too, 2020 changed my life and who I am, and I can't get over it
Betrayal means you are no longer wanted or loved by another person and the only thing you can do is walk away and accept it. It's not easy to see before it happens.
Its hell
Imploded, struggled to be whole again taking some 30 years. May not ever regain what I lost , myself esteem , confidencw and future self!
This seems like a neatly packed over simplification.
The betrayal is like a tornado just wrecked everything inside yourself.
You may be able to say, “ok, yes this happened”, BUT you still have the mess you need to clean up.
The best way to clean it up is to get someone realizable to help…. It’s too big a mess to clean up by ourselves.
Ohhh… I have had enough of traumas… but betrayal was the worst one…. It hurted me deeper than loosing my beloved Mother.
I was with a sociopath for a year. We broke up one year ago, when I found out he's a registered sex offender and pedophile. My brain is still in denial about it. It refuses to accept it. I'm still trying to work through all of this pain...
Betrayal literally _SAVED_ my Life, initiated my Awakening that has brought me healing, MUCH gratitude and Light.
Thank you for your comment!
I have definitely experienced betrayal several times in my life. It has taken me 75 years to grasp what some people are capable of, to understand that I am allowed too have boundaries and simply have those in my life that I trust and not have those in my life who have betrayed me. I must be a slow learner about this because it was truly hard for me to believe that some folks, even family, are actually devious, and do not seem too have a ceiling on what they allow themselves to do in order to shift blame and responsibility onto others. It has been a sad awakening, but I'm living the remainder of my life completely free of manipulators 😁 and also free from anger. Blessings for your work 🌿
Thank you for sharing
🙏🏾
Me too, learned this hard lesson quite late in life.
what a waste of my precious energy and time.
The first symptom of all trauma that dramatically impacts us on a deep electromagnetic level, that can cause electromagnetic polarity reversal, (the main component to chronic emotional and physical states) is SHOCK. everything else experienced from the traumatic experience stems from this.
My misses of 12years two kids took off with one of my mates, 5 years ago really changed my life… only recently stopped crying myself to sleep. Lost everything I built up over the years. Still trying to pick myself up
Betrayal trauma is so painful that it leaves you questioning everything. As time pass by you will slowly accept and forgets.
I do not think I will ever forget what my husband did when he chose to talk to another woman in the manner in which he refused to talk to me
@@fawnlargent6347i understand ur hurt… and idk if maybe you deserved it but assuming you didn’t.
there’s plenty of reasons people engage in infidelity… most, if not all, are invalid…
it really really sucks but it helps to realize that the trash just took itself out and now he’s one less chore to worry about…
worry about and spoil urself… then if u decide to try again, approach it more wisely…
it’s one day at a time…
@@MeloBurgers Why would you say that maybe I deserved for him to cheat on me? I am going to say this, it is a very good thing that I have been actively changing myself from the inside out!!! Because if not, I would be really going off on you. Nobody should ever ever victim blame, no matter how they feel about a situation... People that have for through the years of abuse that I have, do not need anyone blaming them for the abuse that they endured.
You should always assume that the victim of any type of abuse deserved whatever they got.. This man was and is the ONLY relationship that i have ever been in, so yeah it really f'd me up when he broke the trust we've had for almost 40 years.
@@fawnlargent6347 oh hun. i’m not saying u deserved it! i’m saying idk IF u did deserve it. you know…? i just don’t want to come off as naively empathetic is all 😅 🥹
i’m saying, if ur being sincere about ur situation, i’m very sorry for you… 😕😞
hope that helps!
@@MeloBurgersyour questioning if someone deserved it .. your on a low level
Imagine being betrayed by almost every person you've ever created a bond with, starting with your parents and siblings and somehow attracting the same type of friends relationships and coworkers
And husbands
@@lindasharp8523 oh Yes, exactly 😔
Even relationships after the divorce.
I've been single for years now because I'm so fearful of getting into another similar situation
My mother sister and they turned my daughters against me. I am unable to focus on anything. Get flashbacks out of the blue then everything snowballs. I have moved on but only to a point. I don't see me going back to the person I once was that I miss very much
That's so tough thank you for sharing
Ive recently noticed i have a tendency not to catastrophize but to explain away the toxic behavior and not even notice the blatant disrespect/betrayal until a long time later. I explained away my gut reaction as just an overreaction on my part.
That's what I was doing at first.
I've definitely had that happen. I would tell people the story of what happened and they'd be pissed off for me at the person who betrayed me, blown away that they would do that. But...I would just accept what happened. No blame on the betrayer, I'd brush aside my feelings and try to understand their side. But they fucking hurt me, and left me alone when I needed them most. It took me years to fully see and realize that side of it. My side of it.
Yes..... I could see that. I ignored so many signs and tried to stick it through, but then years later realizing that they were COMPLETELY wrong and scandalous sets in, and I feel like a dumbass for even allowing such disrespect for all these years. It took for me to have a child by them (actually 2, the first child didn't make it) and then the veil was snatched off. After that final betrayal (he was on the DL, he really liked men) I started to see all the f'd up shit he did leading to this. It really took a major stab at my womanhood, hell, I just had a whole baby and he's been ducking to a man the whole time, not to mention other shit. He'd basically mess around with ANYBODY, young women, way older women, got with my best friend (which, I remained friends with but now I found out she's been messing with ANOTHER ex of mine 😢), he slanged his shit EVERYWHERE WITH ANYBODY. There was a neighbor PREGNANT at the same time as me. And, the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD KNEW. The Epitome of The Hood. So now I have to try to get over ALL of this. It's hard asf. But I'm trying. 😢
The feelings are the hardest thing I’ve ever felt in my life…. 😢
This was good. I have had a hard time forgiving the person who betrayed me. The resentment has been overwhelming at times. Thus, I have a very hard time trusting anyone else except my immediate family.
Thanks for sharing
It’s messed up when it’s the people closest to you that you can’t get away from.
Yeah, this is what happened to me. My father was a covert narcissist and led my dysfunctional family in a serious betrayal of me. It led to a complete emotional and mental breakdown at 55 years old and 8 years later I remain voluntarily isolated. This info helps a lot. Thank you.
I am voluntarily loner 2 but kinda like it cause I am my own Boss 😅
I have been thru betrayal by my two siblings. I have lost all contact with everyone from my family. I am learning that I am a strong person with many gifts to offer. I am tentatively moving on.
Nearly 2 years since the betrayal ambush after 19 years of what I thought was a happy love ship and marriage. Relocated from Oregon to Tasmania Australia 10 years ago for her. Had a wonderful happy home in the bush. Consistently did so many joyous things together. Scuba, music, bush walk. I was happy and she appeared to be too. Until one day I found her naked with her phone pointed at her and Bill participating in this intimate act. She could put on her smiling I love you face for me and yet this was what she was doing. She informed me that she was no longer in love with me. She never told me what had gone wrong. She sold the house and moved away. Seems so cruel when nothing is communicated as to a reason. Wouldn't make it right or kinder. Just maybe easier to deal with. Two years and a lot of sadness, confusion, and pain. Thanks for the video!
... I ache and feel your pain. Devastation.
My heart aches for you. I pray for your total healing and restoration. This may sound strange... it's been over 20 years for me....but actually those who betrayed did us a huge favor. I realized I had been deceived from the get go. And no one wants to live a LIE. I would not have wanted to be an object of manipulation at any time. The illusion was shattered. And that's a hard lesson. But in the end most of us want authenticity and a heart of gold. There are givers and takers in this world. And many shape shifters and fickle people who are only in a relationship for what they can obtain. So we've learned hard hard lessons. Give yourself time to grieve. You are wiser and stronger at the end of the tunnel. God bless you sir.❤
My mother was very cold and she didn't really like me she sent me to live with my father and what a blessing that was he was the best she came to town in later years and called she said she was at the bus station I said I'll come see you and she said no thanks I'm catching another bus and I don't want to see you, crushed I was about 14 had my first out of body experience I can look back and seriously relate to deep pain but knowledge is power
Thank you for sharing
I was left to die by others. As in literally, at the start of 2018. I am only just now, mid 2024, emerging from what was a hell since the event. I want anyone else in that hell to know it will one day lift... it will seem like it will never go away, but do the work, chip away, and you will feel joy and peace again someday. Use the pain to surrender and connect to God. You will emerge a more mature and compassionate person than you would have been otherwise. It can be a gift, even if that seems impossible where you are. I wish you love.
Covert Narc wife. Video is amazing. Words can’t explain. Im stilling dealing with it. She tried to have me thrown into prison because I discovered her affair. Then 2 yrs later People tell me more and More. I can’t explain it, like she did everything with everyone. I had no idea. Im traumatised. Phat Frankie
Me too!😢 Covert ; horribly deceiving human being and very painful. It takes time to heal!
🙏🕯️🙏. Prayer helps!
The more bizarre behavior the better. You will end up leaving and when you do I think it’s therapeutic to replay those unbelievable things that they thought was fun victimization. If you can’t laugh then you are letting them colonize your brain.
What you are talking about is very real for me, as a late infant adoptee, I have lived the 'the trauma' over and over for over fifty years. I developed certain coping strategies, but the damage is embedded and I get older the further from people I seem to go. Some connections are wafer thin! My strongest connections are to the young and animals, because I can read them, they don't lie and I believe I am in my inner self still that scared little boy. I don't want any child I know go through what I have, nor do I want an animal to be as scared as I was (if I can help it).
I hope that a person only has to be betrayed once or twice at maximum, being done early and mulpitle times is very hard to deal with.
I'm feeling the same as you, it's awful what's happened. I grew up with people who absolutely hated me from birth. I love children and animals ❤️ I've been taking good care of me the child for years because I only trust me with myself.
I'm so sorry what you had to go through.
Yes this! I am really going through it right now. I was clean/sober for 7 yrs and relapsed 2:weeks ago. I can't handle all the stress that I am going through right now. I don't know how to process all of this at once.. but I used to know how to process all of this at once. I live in fight flight mode daily and have no control. Drs don't help drugs don't help but this video has made something click and I want to say thank you for this!
❤❤❤ I know that you will get your sobriety back! Even 24 hours is a gift! Hell, an hour! Have you considered going through the 12 Steps again???
Go to a meeting and fess up. This time work the program. Half measures?. Did you do a 4 and 5. Doing your 10th.
Just go back.
Terry C 23 years. Daily repreave thats it. ❤
Hello. I pray the best healing over your life. Will you pray to God too? Will you read a Bible? I hope that you can replace the drugs and hurt with Jesus Christ by seeking his face and prayer and fasting too if you think that might help. I was once where you are. Jesus has healed me. I had to put in the work though. He was there with me at all times and he will be there with you too, my friend. Love and Blessings in the name of Jesus. Psalm 139
Hang in there Jennifer,I was just abused really bad from a woman I loved from way back( 46 yrs.ago) let her in just to be so abused. I did not know people could be so cruel. Thank God I have finally lost all my feelings for her.
@@dennyfie I'm happy for you. People don't realize that it's hard to get away from an abusive relationship it's not as easy as one might think... So I'm proud of you for that! I'm working on it. God has me and will see me through. Thank you for your comment. I know I am not a lone 🙏
Yes I'm healed and everything you said just confirmed that for me!! Thank you and it took me two years to feel like a person again so please if u are in the midst of betrayal trauma...there is light at the end of the tunnel, just do you!!!!!
Healing is SO important for your health. Your very life depends on it.
Agreed!
Betrayed by a psychopath....and prior..by a person with narcissistic personality disorder
Mine was both and covert. Fun and games discovering it but first I spent years thinking I was the crazy one.
I am stryggling through this betrayal right now. About 2 months ago with who I thought was my best friend. It is a lot to discuss on here but I have never felt so much pain and just distress and anxiety in my life.I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. I can't stop crying. I can't stop running false through my head and I really could use any help that you could offer me.I have been praying to God every day to just get him out of my head!
Hey, one of the most important things to understand... You're not alone. I'm going through it right now too as of 2 days ago along with a dead mother that happened a month ago. It WILL heal. This pain of yours is temporary. As much as you might not believe it now. Time is the best remedy, and we don't tend to process it. It's also okay to let feelings out. Be angry, be sad, go nuts... Do what you have to do to flush this out. Do what is comfortable and natural for you. Health comes first. We're already hurting. We don't want to damage it further. We're here to not just hear you but to listen.
Betrayal can come by our own hand by not keeping to.your values and putting trust in others , manipulation , lies
We are all only human. We do the best we can at the time.
This is spot on. I have journeyed through all of this. 😢 Spiritual trauma/abuse is very common unfortunately as well.
Great to hear from you, Lisa! Thank you for sharing this. Yes it’s all too common.
@@coachjordanhardgrave Hi Jordan. Thank you for all your videos and encouragement. I am still using your program. It’s helped me so much. Very thankful I found your channel. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t. I am still dealing with a lot of dissociation and my PFC feels off line (I don’t know how else to describe this) which causes my rational thinking to be effected. But I am very encouraged, hopeful and thankful for my faith cause I know the power of healing and expect for full recovery back to normal.
Literally explains everything I’m going through right now. I didn’t understand some of what was happening to me but you explained so well. Knowledge is power and I needed this when I feel powerless. Thank you so much!
Happy to help! Thanks for letting me know.
@@coachjordanhardgraveat age 5 I was molested by an older female cousin who was adopted by my uncle. This lasted a couple of years and when it stopped it really fucked me up. I was of course hypresexualized from an early age but at the same time terrified of rejection. As I got older I was unable to form any kind of relationship with women out of fear associated with that first rejection so I began to numb myself with drugs and alcohol. I have been sober 12 years now but still struggle. I really don't blame the cousin who did this because I think she was repeating something that happened to her without understanding why. What kind of trauma would you call this?Maybe you could make a video on the damage done to men when this is done by an older female because I really think this is completely misunderstood.
I recently experienced a major betrayal by my best friend. In the past 2 years 5 people I’m close to including both of my parents have passed away. My mom passed in May. So I’m already dealing with grief and sorrow. In august my best friend violated my trust by ambushing me and my boyfriend and behaving in such a horrible way that I was furious, hurt, betrayed and saddened. I was speaking to her a little bit, but she thinks the what she did was right and doesn’t see that she was trying to control me. Needless to say her actions led to a break up with the guy. I’ve gone no contact and yes I still love her, but I can no longer trust her. It’s also very painful because I’m her daughter’s godmother. I was definitely spinning for a while going over everything in my head on repeat. Fortunately I have a fantastic therapist that I have been seeing for years so she is helping me deal with that betrayal and also with the grief of losing my parents with 16 months of each other. I am working on forgiving her, but without an apology I don’t see how we move forward. I pray every day for forgiveness, to forgive myself and to forgive her. ❤
I've only just learned about what betrayal trauma is this past week and I have to say it fits my situation and symptoms pretty spot on. I have the movie memory issue where things will play back like I'm watching a movie and relive the situations good and bad over and over. There's not a day I haven't had at least some thought about my ex in some fashion 2 years later. I honestly can't bring myself to date or do the things we used to do. We used to cook together in the kitchen and ever since we've broken up, it's painful to even prepare a meal so I largely eat out to avoid it.
I've been trying to just be ok with my situation and give myself a break, but the really messed up part is I miss them and love them and hate them and can't let go of what they pulled on me.
Gas lit me for 3 years saying they wanted to be with me and going to make me the happiest husband while cheating on me and hanging out with her ex who broke us up before. He was there even the night I went to drop off her stuff.
Wow....... I'm so sorry 😢 I'm just now also learning about this topic, too, and yes, the symptoms are very spot on. I can't listen to certain music anymore because it reminds me of people and different situations that I was in, I avoid certain places, and I rethink of EVERYTHING that has transpired in my life when it comes to people doing terrible shit towards me, and I'm STILL finding out things about my exes. The bad part is, I cannot leave my hood right now, I say this because I have to face these demons everyday. (These people who betrayed me in the worst of ways). It's hard. I'm also here in this apartment where my uncle sexually assaulted me as a little girl, so yeah, I'm working on getting tf outta here.
FINALLY someone who talks about betrayal that isn’t parent related!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!
Glad I could help!
Thank you for your clarity. Totally reasonates. I am finally at the forgiving stage of my journey. I have learnt so much about myself and others. Try not to get stuck in anger. This process is so much like grief. Hugs to everyone going through it. You will recover. ❤
Definitely have suffered from this and He is right forgiveness is a must. I am healed and whole now.
Ugh - my very closest friend of 10 years actively and knowingly betrayed my trust on an issue that was extremely personal. It was brutal when it happened and I didn't handle it well at all. Was drinking a lot, raging and all sorts of other unhealthy behaviors. Thankfully tho, talking about it with friends and family really helped and most were shocked when I explained how it all went down. Haven't talked to that person in about 10 years and I have no desire to. I'm not sure I agree with you Jordan about the forgiveness aspect of all this. I don't forgive this betrayal, nor do I forgive the person who did it. To even consider that seems and feels really odd to me. Maybe one day your idea will make more sense but right now, I can't even imagine how that would happen, feel or even occur. It's just too odd for me to even consider. BUT having said that, I don't walk around thinking about this betrayal all the time or even most of the times. VERY RARELY will I think about it, be reminded of it and then have a touch of disappointment then move on.....happy that that person is no longer in my life but also disappointed because we shared some great times together. And then I think "Oh well" and go back to my life.
I am currently going through this. It's a very unpleasant experience.
Yes indeed
Same. I’m doing with humans. It’s really too much of a hassle
Been thru it more than once. I have physical illness from it. Im healed as well as i ever will be
My younger brother had a love hate relationship with me. His wife was regularly unfaithfult with him for years and he also betrayed her. Then their daughter told them a lie that I had wanted to seduce her boyfriend. Confronted by them I protested my innocence but in vain. I felt absolutetely powerless. I told my older sister about it and then went on informing every parent cousin aunt I had about that betrayal. That was my salvation. They all took my side. Weeks later when he went to attack me they all rebuked him. Years later he had the gall to tell my younger sister that :"They looked fools in front of evervbody and that it was my fault if they look like fools." He died refusing to apologize but telling me :" I love you." As if I cared. To this day at times , I relived the scene still full of fury at the injustice of it all. I had been for him always protective, generous, taking care to encourage him in his endeavours. Why are people so nasty, are we condemned to live for ever with scorpions and snakes?
My wife of 17 yrs, had an affair partner for over a year. The hardest part was she had signs of mental illness, and substantial alcohol consumption that turned violent towards me 4 yrs earlier. She had never drank prior to that. The hardest part was that I got the absolute worst parts of my wife as I actively tried to help her for 4 yrs and this other man got her absolute best at the same time. I haven’t spoken to her or interacted with her in almost a year. Her life has absolutely fallen apart.
My brother texted me on an Easter morning to let me know "exactly" what he thought of me and my husband. Nasty comments. Out of the clear blue sky, so to speak. We were sooooo close before that, but he had started to act differently. After years of him collecting fighters for his cause, "to take me down", I had to go No Contact with my entire family. Sooo hard at first, but the right decision for me. I'm just always in search for my OWN personal joy. It's not easy, but someone told me I'm worth the effort. I hope to be whole again someday.
How do you deal when nearly all of your social circle betrays you? Being made the scapegoat, being gaslighted, and being ghosted but met with extreme hostility when you do cross paths with them. Dealing with this for the past year and I have one friend who has been beyond amazing but I don’t trust him. He has always come through for me even at the cost of receiving backlash but my brain will not let me fully trust him and I am afraid I am going to self sabotage the one good friend I have left because of betrayal trauma.
Exactly, I truely believe it's best I roll solo,I won't betray me.Through it all I've learned to love myself , it's made me stronger,wiser better.I agree forgiveness frees you😊
I literally sighed a sigh of relief at the bit about self forgiveness, I really needed this 👍
Happy to help
Honestly think you deserve sooo much more recognition than you have man!! Your realy the go to in the area or trauma ,dpdr, anxiety etc.
This is very kind of you. God bless. :)!
This video was amazing and has helped me feel less alone... I recently got betrayed by my wife and it's turned my whole life upside down... Its very hard to deal with the shame of having it occur... I think the shame and shock value is what causes the majority of the symptoms listed in the video
The older I get the more careful I am with who I date, and so the better the connection and deeper the trust. I also am not great at choosing partners even still so I get cheated on or used as a rebound without seeing any signs at all and the betrayal is overwhelming. For me, time is what it takes, patience and time to process all the stages before I’m ready to forgive. About 6-12 months. And it sucks. I also embarrass myself for how I respond and lash out after finding out. This is life.
I'm experiencing this right now and I'm so never going to be ok. He stole me from my children and myself. I'm so broken that I contemplate just dying constantly! My sister in-law, she was my best friend! Then to find out he's constantly on line chatting with random scallywags with missing teeth and nasty degenerates!! God help me through this
I’m sorry this is happening to you, big internet hug. I hate that some of us can care so much that another persons actions can crush us and others walk around doing this *bs with no remorse.
Number 5 hit me hard! Wow! This explains my behavior from my past. I was asking why I keep experiencing the same things over & over.
Wife wanted a divorce then kids found out about her affairs. Then buried a child. No
Going back
I have. I am now 79 years old. Only in the last few months have I healed. It occurred when I was 30 years old. Mycattempts at attachment during those 49 years failed and I did not know why I could not bond or trust
.
Watched this video for information, and feel totally called out after watching it.
Thank you! I am dealing with the death of a brother and the long history of betrayal by memebers of my family.
Thank you for teaching this!! 🙏❤️ I just learned a few months ago that I was dealing with a covert narcissist 😢 and I felt all of this and more. He actually manipulated the police and the emts as I had a black eye and broken ribs!!! He's very very dangerous btw.
Narcissists are the worst.
Thank you for this video. I recently learned about my ex fiancee's horrible criminal past. I recognize all these phases. It is so great you say "feel all your feelings" and you don't advise to ignore them. Journaling and talking about it helped to bring me through the aftermath as healthy as I could. I'm going to save this video
Glad to hear you're doing better
I literally resonate with every point you mentioned! Thank you for this video. I hope to start healing at last.
Be patient, it takes time and some work on your part. The whole weird world of betrayal is difficult to forget. The song Willie Nelson sang..."Forgiving you was easy, but forgetting seems to take the longest time."
Thank you. Thank you for helping me understand what I am feeling right now. Through this I have validation that forgiveness does not mean they will still have access in my life. Forgives is forgiveness and it’s okay to walk away when it becomes too heavy for you.
Yes I am suffering from betrayel trauma. I have experienced this level of it three times in my life. I'm 37. I have not healed from it and I am in a numbing state but it goes kind of like a rollar coaster trying to cope. I did not realize what this was until just now. Your video was really good and explained it so easy to understand. I felt every one of those stages.
Thank you for sharing, happy to help!
This may sound silly, but would recurring dreams about the betrayer/the betrayal fall under replaying? It's been 5 years and I've forgiven them and moved on and yet I still have these terrible dreams of them flagrantly cheating and mocking me. Ruins the whole day. 😢
I am currently going through this with a couple of people at the moment. It’s very hard to deal with and watching this describes how i feel and have felt inside for many years.
Thank you for shedding light on this. I’ve been told I’m just too sensitive and get over it and move on. But this validates my experience and gives me hope there is a methodical way out of this loop.
It feels like when someone dies close too you…. I been through that a lot and held back tears and used weed alcohol to suppress and never healed. Then got betrayed by my ex fiancé 4 times over… almost like I was addicted to pain…. I Prayed to God a few weeks ago to release me from these strong holds and now I can finally deal with the pain, and it’s hard but I feel like I’m getting stronger. This video hits home thanks brother
I’m so sorry you experienced such abuse and how it affected your life. You were so young and innocent. I hope you will find your peace and know that you are enough all by yourself. Good friends are the best family because you choose them. May the rest of your life be peaceful and happy! 💕🙏💐
Can betrayal trauma make you question yourself, like is it all my fault? Did I actually deserve this?
Yes it does. But remember it has more to do with the betrayer than the betrayed. There was an issue inside of them that they thought could be fixed by cheating.
I think so. I blame myself, especially for the most recent person who betrayed me. It’s been a pattern in my life to be betrayed by whoever I’m friends with or dating. Now I berate myself regularly for believing I was finally worthy enough of being actually cared for, but I wasn’t this last time either. How can I not think I deserve it when I refuse to learn the fact that I’m not wanted or cared for or worthy, and need to just stay away from everyone. Like duh, I’m in my 40s, how has it taken this long to learn something?! Seriously can’t stand myself right now.
Everyday I ask myself that. My ex was a narcissist and nothing of what I thought about my last relationship or who I thought she was, was real. I'm so incredibly broken from this.
@@jvalravn7228hi, I understand everything you’re feeling. I was also just slapped up the face with a major betrayal on Thursday. This person lied to me twice before but, they change the wording from the past betrayal so now I doubt myself. I will never trust anyone ever again.
'Its your fault for trusting me' is a theme I keep seeing from certain people
Jordan, these videos are absolutely a miracle for people like us. People who are suffering and are looking for hope. You help us feel seen and heard. You’re literally saving lives, even mine. May God continue to bless you in all that you do 🙏🏻
I needed to hear this . Thank you
I was recently betrayed by my "friends" ... we met at church and we were very very tight for 6 years .. they used verses from the Bible to fit their agenda so on and so forth. Ive forgiven them and myself but I will never forget..
Im 9 out of the 11 .. im healing
Going through it. I have been watching self-help videos, man has it been a roller coaster of emotions. Staying positive though.
Thank you for the info.
Happy to help.
It was great to stumble across this video today! Currently in a healing process and you affirmed some of the things I'm already doing and also filled in the blanks really precisely on others.. You really hit the nail on the head in the way you talked about betrayal. Also, someone who I've been talking to has been a bit dismissive when I share some of the details....and this video has made me realize that I reAlly am not so alone with this thing. YeS!
Glad it helped!
People are always dismissive. They tell me "it's all in the past. You don't have to think about it anymore". But THEY aren't the one who was betrayed. In my case my 3 brothers & now deceased mother, stole my life savings & they're so mentally ill they think it's all justified because THEY WANTED IT. One of those brothers is 50 & calls himself the "baby of the family" & has never held a job in his life,.. he's had two big weddings & 3 children. All paid for by our mentally ill, sociopathic mother. It has taken me years to get to this point & I'm not near "healed" & I don't expect to ever be.
I am going through this right now with my sister and former best friend. Thank you for this wonderful video. My whole world has turned upside down and I am working on righting it.
Happy to help!
Betrayal Trauma is very common. I experienced it recently when I was betrayed by my mentor and had to leave my internship because of it (I'm a Drug and Alcohol Counselor intern). I sought counseling from a trusted outside source, am still processing it, and will start a new internship shortly at an other facility. I won't allow this situation to ruin my career before it even gets started. I'm actually grateful for the experience because it's going to make me a even better counselor in the long run.
My trauma came in childhood with my family. My family caused me a lot of pain with their nasty put downs and nit picking. I think I’m over it now. I’ve come a long way with this. I got decided to get these people out of my life. They hurt me in childhood but they won’t hurt me in adulthood.
Forgiving is exactly like saying you excuse them.
Forgiveness doesn't excuse what they did. Forgive is for you not them. Forgiveness allows you to move on. And it doesn't mean you have to connect with them ever again.
@@coachjordanhardgrave Incorrect brother, you know forgiveness is because it's what Jesus tells us to do; because of how much He's forgiven us. Telling people forgiveness is for (us), its another way to shunt pain, but it fails the goodness and lesson that we can learn and gain from it. I've been through some horrific rejection and abandonment and losing nearly everything. People that have heard my story have likened it to nearly everyone shy of Christ Himself in the Bible, all at once. Why, I don't know. I'm just some random guy. But I do know, for sure, that we forgive because we are commanded to and that is in response to Jesus' forgiveness of our sins against Him. Difference here is it's always a two way street as far as pain is concerned, except Jesus is completely innocent - yet forgave us, completely, never to be brought up again. "As far as the east is from the west." Also, I feel for you, I too know the brutal sting of putting your trust in someone you trusted God placed in your life only to be used as a weapon against you.
Jesus said " Forgive them father for they know not what they do." He did not say "Father forgive them they know what they do." These monsters know exactly what their doing when they abuse you to the point of endless tears and unmanageable pain. Forgive yourself for ever trusting these demons and don't ever deal with them again because 9 out 10 times they will betray you again. Let's see if God forgives them. God talks about wrath and hell for a reason ! I don't think God wants any of these demons in his kingdom terrorizing heaven with the same abuse they did here on earth. The other thing I've noticed is it's always the abuser who expects forgiveness not the other way around. Best advice I ever found was go NO CONTACT and don't ever trust them and their flying monkeys again. If you can't go no contact go grey rock and stay in your own lane. They don't change..
I hear you. I struggle with forgiveness; the term itself irritates me. I sometimes think the idea of forgiveness was invented by perpetrators so they can get away with bad behaviour. My husband betrayed me. While I want to work with him to repair the damage done to our relationship, I will never forgive him, and it's not a requirement that I do. Being told I have to forgive feels like gaslighting.
I'm really struggling with trust. I had a pastor's wife purposely betrayed me after she left our church. It was right after my mother died so it was especially painful. It was like falling down a rabbit hole of crazy emotions. I love how you broke it all down here. Thank you!
Thank you. My Sis & I have been wondering what healing looks like after acceptance and going no contact. Now I know how to confront the rage, hatred, lack of resolution, as well as endless disappointment in these individuals. What we have come to learn is: Narcs are everywhere. There are lesser ones to practice interaction with. That have taught us endurance , proper boundries and more with our abusers. Practice your skills on the lesser influential Narcs in your life. It develops your ability to face your most damaging abusers without compromise
Wonderfully explained. Thank you. Your voice and style are both soothing. As a person with CPTSD, i thank you truly for your words. Stay blessed.
I have experienced betrayal so many times by a lot of people. Even when I thought I had a situation under control so as to avoid betrayal , it hurt even more when it happened ....I was in shock ..then embarrassed ..then I hid away ..moved away even ..and have not really allowed anyone get close for a very long time ..your video would of helped me through the stages I didn't know I needed to go through to help heal 😮
Glad to hear it helped perhaps a little too late but at least now you have this info. God bless.
This was so helpful for me. Thank you. ❤
Definitely going through this now. Watching and listening to you in this video gives me a brief moment of air and more importantly, hope… thank you
Happy to help
Great information. Thank you for uploading!
I really REALLY struggle #9 (not trusting ANYONE). As you were speaking I was agreeing out loud lol. It goes deeper than you could imagine, I know not trusting others is not good but at the same time, I cannot trust anyone! Every time I have I have been betrayed or disappointed.
Trust has to be earned. I’m the opposite of the court of law!
In my book, you are guilty until proven innocent. I know it’s my way of protecting myself.