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I look up articles about cheating to find out how to catch her in the act,how to stop it and how to continue the marriage because she had cheated on me multiple times even in the same week of our marriage date

This video is so disjointed and isn’t helpful at all. You keep veering off in different directions and you can’t seem to stay on one train of thought. “Today’s focus” got completely lost in rambling….

My ex husband started to nitpick little things like my little belly, smile lines , etc that hadn't been an issue before.. He started talking to me with a very disrespectful tone. Nothing I did was good enough. I couldn't keep the home clean enough. He hated everything about our life together. He hated ME. He claimed he was visiting his family out of state but he had really moved in with his new interest as a NEWLYWED.... He hooked up with her the same night he met her at a bar, three months after we had been married. He was taking her on trips all over the country on weekends he had claimed to travel for work. The first night he didn't come come home, he told me he got drunk and passed out in his car. I didn't buy it. He eventually just never came back home. He wouldn't tell me where he was staying but he was firm that he wasn't cheating. Lied to me while looking me in the eyes. Zero remorse.. I accepted that he had abandoned me and put his stuff out. I stopped calling and texting him. I changed the locks. Then I had him served.. He wanted me to take him back and work things out. Work out what ? You can't work with someone who has no integrity. There's no substance there. No freaking way. Three months of being married and already this nonsense? Even my stupidity has limits....... I caught him in SO MANY lies. It was ridiculous. A zebra doesn't change its stripes. And to add insult to injury, he apparently had an active drug and alcohol problem he had kept hidden from me for 2+ years 😮 cocaine..... pills,..... alcoholism.............it ALL came out in the wash after we moved in together......that's when things went downhill.. NO WAY was I going back to that trash bag of a human being. It's not my responsibility to fix people. Through sickness and health sure but for the affair partner to find YOU and spill all beans.....it was a done deal. Nope. Nope..Nope. Thank GOD he's not my problem anymore.

This video is very insightful. My ex gaslighted me into believing that I was culpable for her cheating, the worst part is that I believed her and lost my sense of self for a long time. 6 yrs later, I still have trouble trusting people, causing me to sabotage any connection I make with anyone

I wished I watched this video when my ex was cheating on me

Why are we calling this a disease? Men are not wired for one woman for life. Stop pathologizing men's sexuality.

I have lived past a marriage that I almost lost my life. A woman CAN hurt you so bad that it takes 10 to 15 yrs to have nice day again, that's what happens. My wife was a narcissist I thought it was beauty, she was beautiful so that would excuse her behavior. I am a 1 woman man, but in my 20's couldn't stop looking around, especially after getting cheated on numerous times, right in my face , I heard the best lies, the best excuses almost telling me too bad asshole. Really, that was exactly how she treated me, after I bought our home and married her.she changed into a self absorbed idiot, thought the world revolved around her.After 6 years of marriage it was time to leave, I did that , but the trauma never went away, that trauma is the highest level, if some one betrays you.. It has caused me to not trust women.

EMDR is not more uncomfortable than the constant thoughts or guilt that I had. It was the same discomfort talking about it, but my therapist was able to lower my emotion to a more rational state so I would hate to turn anyone away from EMDR for that reason, especially when a session of EMDR for one incident can trigger healing in the same neuropath way.was So that when you go in childhood or complex trauma is processed because you’re giving the Brain the allowance to process from what came first, and you don’t have to remember it. I lead with EMDR and then engaged in internal family systems and believe it has helped me the most so far.

My wife is putting this gaslighting on me & my heart is broken.

They treat you like crap because they are guilty and inside they are ashamed.. Or want to either get you mad and cause a argument to blame shift or they just get off on hurting people and are sadistic in nature...

Wow she is really patronizing and really judgmental in a way that is colossally unhelpful to addicts and co addicts alike .

What was the book shared at 33:54 ?

wow, hard hitting but right on the money!

Betrayal trauma can cause severe emotional and physical distress, leading to dissociation, shame, and difficulty in processing the experience. Evidence-based treatments like EMDR, somatic therapy, and support groups can help survivors regain control and reconnect with their bodies and emotions. Key moments: 00:00 Betrayal trauma can lead to emotional and physical abuse, causing immense pain and confusion in relationships. Understanding and addressing the consequences of betrayal through evidence-based therapy is crucial for healing and recovery. -The speaker, a licensed therapist, discusses how betrayal trauma affects individuals struggling with issues like sex addiction and infidelity, emphasizing the need for support in dealing with extreme relationship crises. -The prevalence of betrayal trauma in relationships is highlighted, showcasing the impact of emotional and physical abuse on individuals, urging the community to acknowledge and address the reality of betrayal trauma for healing. -The importance of recognizing and treating betrayal trauma's physiological, emotional, and psychological effects through evidence-based therapy is emphasized for individuals navigating the aftermath of betrayal. 06:03 When experiencing betrayal, the brain can trigger fight, flight, or freeze responses, impacting decision-making and memory. Untrained therapists in couples counseling may overlook the trauma of betrayal, leading to ineffective treatment. -Impact of betrayal on triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses in the brain, affecting cognitive functions and survival instincts. -The importance of understanding and addressing the trauma of betrayal in couples therapy to avoid ineffective treatment outcomes. -The potential consequences of untrained therapists overlooking the emotional impact of betrayal, leading to misguided focus on generic marriage skills instead of addressing the root cause. 12:10 Encouraging individuals to seek therapy for relationship trauma is crucial. Understanding betrayal trauma and its effects can help individuals navigate their emotions and reactions effectively. -Recognizing the signs of betrayal trauma and seeking therapy can aid in emotional regulation and healing. Therapy provides tools to process and integrate memories and reactions effectively. -Therapy aims to help individuals reconnect with their bodies, understand their experiences, and empower them to identify warning signals and advocate for themselves. -Implementing techniques like controlled breathing and impulse control exercises can assist in managing emotional reactivity and promoting cognitive processing during therapy sessions. 18:15 EMDR therapy can help individuals integrate traumatic experiences, allowing the brain to process and understand them cohesively, leading to reduced physiological responses and improved coping mechanisms over time. -EMDR therapy's effectiveness in addressing single and complex traumas, aiding in integrating past experiences for a comprehensive understanding and reduced physiological triggers. -The discomfort experienced during EMDR therapy sessions due to trauma exposure, and the gradual decrease in stress hormones and physiological responses with repeated sessions. -Utilizing art, music, dance, and movement therapies as supportive tools in trauma recovery, enhancing brain function and aiding in emotional regulation and resilience. 24:18 Yoga can help reconnect the mind and body, encouraging self-awareness and healing. Writing letters or engaging in art, music, or animal therapy can aid in trauma recovery and emotional healing. -The benefits of yoga in fostering self-awareness and reconnecting the mind and body for healing purposes. -The therapeutic value of activities like writing letters, engaging in art, music, or animal therapy for trauma recovery and emotional healing. -Exploring the importance of creating a safe environment and addressing threats from partners, environment, or support systems in trauma recovery.

Omg we all need to be taught this in school. Your teaching is amazing. Thank you so much ❤

I wish there were more conversations about betrayal trauma outside of romantic partnerships. Ones about betrayal by parents, best friends, and other such persons who are not categorized by sex and romance. I still listened to what was said and I'll apply what I can where I can with gratitude for your efforts. My personal struggles with betrayal revolve around my parents defending my abuser and being made to live with him and blaming me for my abuse and subsequent people I've trusted with my trauma who betrayed me because it served them to do so. I've forgiven these people, done shadow work, done rituals to help my brain release it and it just won't leave.

Almost 2 yrs still struggling because we don't live together because of his job. I insist he looks for a job where we can live together so that i can start trusting again but he's More focused on his career than the marriage he has messed-up. The betrayal happened when we lived separately. Hes still living in that country where he messed-up. I feel like giving up on us because to me this is not marriage anymore. Am worried for my kids

I'm angry because I am not allowed to confront him. He's attempted suicide twice now and so now he is getting all the sympathy and I have to walk on eggshells because he may do it again. I can't live like this. We are in individual therapy but it's not enough. I am angry I have to babysit him after everything he did. Intellectually, I know its an addiction but it doesn't change how I feel. I deserve to feel what I am feeling.

I’m dealing with the break up of a narcissist

My husband is an avoidant and refuses to have conversations about his lengthy affair and double life! He expects forgiveness because we are Christian and I am expected to act like it never happened. He is clearly a sex addict and refuses to address his sex addiction. He slept with neighbors 15 yo daughter, 2 incidents of aggressive sexual behavior with women at work and recently fired for 2nd offense. Year long affair. Multiple emotional affairs with woke. He found on Facebook typically former classmates . Enmeshed incestually to his mother and an alcoholic. He triangulates constantly. In treatment called his girlfriend everyday while he was supposed to be in recovery! This is not an exhaustive list of his behaviors.

Thank you. I've been struggling with this. Partner betrayed our marriage 6 years ago, her infidelity lasted 2 years on and off with a much younger man. My struggle, she promised to do anything for me to stay in the marriage. When I committed to stay and give her a chance, she simply started acting like nothing ever happened. If I bring it up, I'm ruining our day. 6 years, no response. Nothing. Makes me feel like I'm the crazy one for hurting. She just goes about life like it never happened and absolutely refuses to discuss this. Feeling trapped as I earn substantially more than her and can't imagine not being a full-time father. Makes your head spin.

i never really believe in hackin until my long distance relationship was about to crumble, a friend at work introduce me to Almod cyber Genius online, who gain me access remotely into my partner's phone and i was able to realize he was just using me...

See the thing that doesn't make sense in what you said is the part where we tend to see a new intriguing person or attraction and we just always get dopamine experience from something new. If this is true why isn't everyone following up on this and why don't we already understand it consciously. You can give a billion understandings to why. The simple answer is always going to be they chose too and they do not know how to love. Love is not defined by simply being, it is selfless and active in being serving. If you think you love and seek to escape you don't know love. This in itself is dissonance. So from the beginning this person is not mentally secure in themselves to seek self love. Cheaters are those who need mental training in emotional intelligence, empathy, and build a individualism being this person lacks self awareness. Sadly many of them know how to pretend well until thier actions show they are not what they claim to be. These cheaters need help.

If you have to babysit them is not worth it

I think you have to let go of the thought he loved you in the first place

Ugh I hate this feeling so much and hate him too

Excellent explanation

8 min!

22 years of narcisstic behaviour and gaslighting. I got blamed for everything while he came and went (who knows where) whenever he wanted. Thanks for posting this video, helping me to understand what is happening to me. Met new guy and started over controlling him out of pure fear. Need to heal before I ruin any future relationships. ❤

I'm at the pont now where I am in a freeze node. Suicide has been in my thoughts and I have no one 💔

There is great information here. I really like it. But there seems to be a clear lack of compassion for the men who are experiencing the pain of their pathologies and the pain of losing their wives, girlfriends, and entire families on top of it. I get those who refuse to face their addictive activitities and continue to abuse those closest to them. You have to take care of yourself and protect children. But if these are men that are legitimately trying to walk down a new path, why give up on them? It is too easy to just say "it is all your fault" and walk away without ever considering the role you played in the dysfunction. It all seems pretty convenient.

THANK YOU! I'm so frustrated with people trying to say that the trauma suffered is from my childhood when it started AFTER I was married!

Can pregnancy increase the avoidant behaviors??

I have a question. Would a man with this problem who is raising a young daughter be at risk of molesting her?

Women cause the biggest amount of trauma and you're gonna speak about it.... Awesome I hope , not gonna say , ...so sad... So much make up fake up... So sad...

Profesors of trauma, women. And then they speak about men's trauma and want to help... Jezus help us

It’s not cheating if you know it.

i won’t let them get me down. that’s a fact let them say i walked away from that old collective he lever stood a chance with me, and if that makes her happy its ok way me. the deliberate lies she told me again. do as they please it and other attacks of not nice things said but again like i say hope they have a long and happy life. was more worried when i found a lump on my dog’s neck, now more love in big murphy than they had, he is old for a rotweiler. my heart took long time to mend even still. what silly people trying to score points so let them i wish them lots happiness. i won’t hurt anymore and when my time on earth though they don’t need to see me then either God Bless them all.

Alot of times when he or she ain't taking care of their partner at home or never wants to be intimate,one gets tired of trying to get your partner to have sex,and me personally,I think male or female,end up cheating on their partner.

Thank you! It got so bad with the manipulation and gaslighting I was at a crisis center because I lost faith in myself. We are divorcing but I'm still struggling

I had to move out of state to get out of the fight flight mode it did the trick

Addiction brings out the mix of all these traits can be narcissist, bipolar or BLPD and definitely not connected to themselves or spirituality… you can see they don’t look into your eyes, always fidgety,lie,manipulate ,can’t control anger , physical aggression it can harm them and others and do things to hide to escape the shame etc but only these steps can be started once the person accepts. Funny they hold you responsible for their condition…😂crazy

So spot on!!!!

My partner has had a long chronic issue of porn and sex, and he does cheat, but uses the guise of thinking he's Polyamorous. He's a recovered alcoholic 14 years now. I think it's showing up now with betrayal.

I have question for you over affairs. what type of affair would be i am girl who like to text and meeting up and holding hands and kissing and hugging and watching films without never never having no sex? what type of affair would it be? 1 emotional affair 2 just emotional and physical Affair without having no no no sex? What option is it. 2 I have question can i have affair without having no sex Ps can you answer my question with yes or no and what options it is .

Thank you Kristin. And the military analogy was triggering. He is x Marine and self discipline was his go to and called me rigid 😂

When its addiction their state on judgement and behaviour or right and wrong is not working..how will they distinguish between morality etc

Lovely put, acknowledging is huge

Real talk proud of you l think the problem with us All is simple cammestry soul mate that's the big 🍒 red flag ❤😅😢🎉🎉😊

My boundaries didn’t matter after the second date! I never wanted any of this! 3 years of lies! It was all fake! He doesn’t care how bad I feel at all. Empathy? Hahaha not even a week!