r/AITA Wife Abandoned Our Infant to Die
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:06 Emergency management
3:48 Finances
6:43 Mothers day
11:03 Vehicle choice
13:53 Living situation
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
So as a woman who actually grew up in a rough neighborhood and who also used to be a dr*g addict (3 years sober!) one of my biggest pet peeves is people saying they're tough and grew up rough when they didn't. Growing up safe isn't something to be ashamed of, it's a privilage I wish I had. If you tell me you're tough, I'm going to assume you're not. Don't wish for bad experiences, be grateful for good ones.
Growing up normal shouldn't even be considered a privilege
Congrats on three years sober.
And yeah, you're absolutely right. Growing up safe means you really don't know what you would do when something not safe happens because it's an unfamiliar experience.
@Diamondr11Blue but it's not 'normal' for some.
Some of us grew up in places and in families and we never felt safe, loved and on edge.
So to us it is a privilege
@@littlemisseatscrispsforbre5353 i know. I had it the same way. I'm just saying it shouldn't be a privilege, kids don't deserve that
Boom mic drop
WTF what was the deal of the lady on the first story? Like, she left her kid to run for safety, then criticized someone on a movie for being frozen in fear because of a wild animal. The blindness dude
Fight or Flight response.
@@GiordanDiodatonot a good excuse
@@GiordanDiodatoyeah, but if you are guilty of it, you don't shame others
@@Misora7303 exactly, that's my point
@GiordanDiodato even with the 4 Fs response there is still a response to protect a child. ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE PUSHING THE STROLLER! She just had to turn with the stroller. She was a damned hypocrite.
The second post has an update that’s pretty sweet. OP did go on his trip and even invited his wife, ex wife, her husband, and the step brother for the last week of the trip. He got lots of offers from European Redditors to buy him a drink but OP politely turned them down. During the trip he found out how close his son and his step brother were and decided to cover one year’s worth of tuition.
😭thats so sweet
We all know about "tiger moms" and "mama bears".
The wife in story #1 deserve the title of "quokka mom" 😆
Don't they drop their kids in emergencies? If I remember right from Casual Geographic channel
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
LOL yeah, I have no idea what her brain did there, normally your focus is on your baby. Total strangers dive on babies when gunshots ring but she's all the way gone.
@@Diamondr11Blue Yes, hence the title haha
@@Diamondr11Blue basically, yes - their pouch relaxes when they are scared, and the joey inside sometimes falls out as a result.
It's also stated often that they throw their kids to predators, but that's probably not true - makes for nice meme material though.
The second story has an update. The ex wife and OP decided to give a bit of money to the stepson and the stepson shared a memory of the son. It turned out OP doesn’t owe anything to the government and also OP went to Europe and will be staying for month, with the monk thing being the last part of the trip
Glad everything worked out
I believe in the update they also said ex-wife, new husband and step son are going to join them for part of the trip.
That's nice. OP was correct though that he was under no obligation to use the fund for HIS EX WIFE'S stepson.
@@WinterRose4444 yes. It’ll be the last week of the trip
I’m glad it worked out. I had been wondering in the story about the relationship between OPs son and the stepbrother.
That last story has an update. OP decided not to get the house and go low contact with his family. Their mother is toxic too.
Hopefully he can find his dream place soon. Brother and the mom are delusional
I hate that this made him not get the house, but hopefully he'll find another one later.
Story 3: This stinks of weaponized incompetence. The husband promised to make the weekend special for OP. It was a special weekend... but for the HUSBAND. He was just soooo tired from hanging out with the boys and drinking, from going into work. The literal only decent thing he did for OP was buy a generic, cheap utilitarian item. And he couldn't even hand it to her personally. Ick.
Yeah, the husband is garbage. I thought OP was asking for a gift card to a local spa. NOPE, all she wanted was for her selfish husband to give her a massage. Damn, the guy clearly doesn't give care about his wife at all.
And all OP wanted was a massage. A massage! I hope OP leaves him with the kids while she does whatever she wants on Father’s Day. A good example would be researching pit bull divorce lawyers.
This reminds me of The Simpsons, where the female narrator said
“ Homer can fight for his marriage or run away from his problem‽ ” ( while showing one red boxing glove, with one trainer with the word above it saying fight/ fleet
Homer, “ this fleet here looks easy, I'm going to choose that. ” Homer ran a couple metres before he started panting exhaustion.
“ then I'll saved my marriage! ”
He is absolute garbage. He doesn't care about her feelings at all. If he had any iota of feeling for her he could make it up to her at any time, but he has chosen not to.
OP in story 3 take a hard look at your husband because THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Also the example he is setting for your children. Is this what you really want?
First story: When RSlash says the mom would throw her child at the charging animal, it made me think of Quokkas. It's an animal that'll throw its babies at predators, so the parent can escape.😂😂
same
That's an "internet myth". All we know quokkas won't do that. They *might* empty out their pouch when extremely scared, as *other* marsupials (like kangaroos) are known to do that.
Most marsupials will eject their joeys if it means saving themselves. Quokkas have no natural predators though so they don’t actually do that.
Same
reminds me of that video of a dad just dropping his kid when a racoon attacked him. just straight yeeted his child.
Story 1: I mean, what is she lying for? You saw her first hand abandoned your baby to run to safety. And while a bat hitting a car sounds nothing like gunshots, the fact she thought it was a gun actually makes it worse. She heard a gun and abandon her family almost instantly.
She doesn’t get to say anything about someone getting paralyzed by fear,at least they stood by their child.
*Story 1
Some ppl shouldn't have kids
Yeah, I don't know HOW you get over that. I could never trust that person again.
Being frozen in fear is not a conscious choice. She didn't choose to "stand by her child" - it's literally luck of the draw if your body decides to freeze or flee. You cannot control that.
Now, she certainly had no right to be judgmental and talk tough later lol. But that's the only thing she chose to do wrong. I once ran straight into the street after being startled by a sudden noise behind me at night. If there was a car coming I would have been hit and possibly killed. That was not a choice I made. That was an automatic reaction that I barely even realized I was doing until after the fact.
So yeah, I do not blame her for the reaction of her body.
@@GoddessOfThree Exactly. I was hoping someone here would realize that. The woman isn't an AH for how she reacted during the scare, because she can't control it. I've been seeing some people blasting her for running, but it wasn't her conscious decision to do so. Where she's an AH is when she then decides to bash someone else and act tough, and then get upset when her husband calls her out on her bs with actual proof. Like, I'm sorry but you can't claim you'd fight 'tooth and nail' against a bear, especially if your daughter was there as well, when you've literally proven otherwise.
3rd story: What a disrespectful husband, disregards mother’s day and makes it about himself, then complain when OP disregards father’s day.
And in what way did he do anything for her? The party was his friends including a stupid pig who made OP free childcare. And OP had to clean up afterwards. He acted like a friggin baby during the walk and his “present” was an afterthought at best. I hope OP leaves him because she doesn’t have a partner.
He is basically Peter Griffin without any ounce of likability or humor
@@lorilancaster5917So Peter Griffin then.
My dad was like the dad in story 3. It was the kids job to do mother's day. when we were babies she would do all the father's day stuff and he'd just not do anything on mother's day. made me feel pretty bad when i got older.
Story 3: Geez, he doesn't really care about OP if he replaces the Mother's Day celebration with a Father's Day one and then gives a really cheap gift, while OP practically spoiled him on the actual Father's Day.
Not a good husband, the BARE MINIMUM was a good Mother's Day celebration, and he didn't even do that
Wouldn't the bare minimum be doing nothing? I say that because what he actually did was give her work to do. Agree with your idea, though.
The absolute bare minimum would be a card or some sort of recognition. He couldn't even manage that really. Getting nothing is less than the bare minimum.
Giving her work to do is even worse than that
It reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons when Homer bought Marge a bowling ball with his name engraved on it.
He's doing the weaponized incompetence thing here. And I would say it's intentional. He's pretending to do something nice for OP while planning things in a way that he will enjoy the day and OP gets spat in the face in the process. OP, next Mother's Day, plan your own day. Do fun things with your kids (no hubby), go out for an ice cream or a slice of cake with them, then bring them home for your husband to look after (if you can trust him that is) and go have a massage on your own, and stay the night at a hotel. Have dinner somewhere by yourself. Oh, and don't lift a finger for Father's Day until he's on the same level of caring as you are.
@@annika5893 My mom told me she ran away from home once when we kids were young. A weekend with her mom and sister. Only once. Message received.
Final Story: "Having multiple kids is expensive"
Then. Don't. Have. Multiple. Kids!
Having more children than you can reasonably afford is a form of abuse. Plain and simple.
also, everyone is lambasting OP but somehow they can't help.
@@abiean222Guarantee you, mom was the one who made the promise to the brother "on behalf" of OP.
Kids aren't that expensive if you know how to budget. Sure, if you buy everything brand new, it's expensive. We never had that, I always got hand-me-down clothes or stuff my mother bought second hand, and that was that. It never once impacted my wellbeing negatively. If anything, it made me a more appreciative person now. Obviously be prepared to fork out the cash for groceries, but other than that, kids are perfectly fine wearing cheap clothes, eating cheap, homecooked meals, and playing "cowboys and indians" with sticks in the park.
He's an electrician, contractors can make very good money with a good work ethic, they make 60-70k on average, so their household income should be around 100k. I almost guarantee from the father's attitude that these parents:
-live in a house they can't afford
-drive a car they can't afford
-probably drive two cars they can't afford
-spend money they don't have on stuff they can't afford with credit cards and then get screwed with interest rates.
In other words: It's not that they can't afford kids, it's that they're living the American dream of being financially illiterate.
Story 3: so he threw himself a party and had you be the designated babysitter, of five minute walk that had him complaining about flies. And a cheap dollar store gift you had to go to the car to receive that is actually just something for the house not you. That’s his definition of trying? Would really hate to see his virgin of half ass-ing it.
He’s lucky you didn’t make his hangover or living hell and kick him out of the house. All you wanted was a massage and he couldn’t even even do that much because he was too tired doing everything he wanted to do and five minutes of the entire weekend doing something you’d actually like.
And he says he's hurt when OP threw the gifts away. Dude is a hypocrite and a doofus.
*version
Last story: Why did i keep expecting the mother to say "Do it for Dan!"? I think that story has infected my brain
I IMMEDIATELY said “DO IT FOR DAN” in a mocking tone when the mom said to help him bc familyyyyy
Glad I’m not alone in thinking that🤣 immediately I thought of that story
I think we were all thinking that story XD
That story has a HELL of a update!! I hope rslash will cover it one day!
@@Blucity07 Which story? This one or the Dan one?
There was an update to the car story. Basically the husband conceded that he was thinking about it that way sure to reasons I can't recall and agreed to trade in his reliable car for a minivan. I don't remember if they traded in the Mercedes too. Anyway, OP got her minivan and it had more luxuries and space and reliability than the SUV and I think it was cheaper too but I'm not sure.
Usually minivans are cheaper and more fuel efficient. However I’m speculating. Thank you for the update
in the last story when the mom said OP had to help his brother because family, in the back of my head i heard ''WHY DONT YOUUU DO IT?!''
I only kept thinking about the "Do it for Dan" story since you've brought it up 😂
OP did say that too
I love how it’s universal in stories like where the first thing that comes up is y don’t u do it!
its made even more absurd because OP did in fact say that and she still was pressuring OP.
I was all excited waiting for dabney to yell it....
Story 1: I'm not going to judge someone for how they panic in an emergency, but bragging about how you'd protect your kid with your life when experience shows that's a lie definitely makes you an AH, and calling someone out on their lies definitely doesn't make you one. She went full George Costanza
Last story: Losing the house generally means you haven't been making the payments and are about to have the bank take it. If you do get a chance to sell, most of the money goes to pay off the debt.
However, I'm suspicious that he's "about to lose the house", but the first time OP hears about this is right after he refuses to let him move in.
I'm guessing bro is behind or struggling to make payments, but not about to be homeless. Possibly, he just wants a shorter commute and his housing is in no danger.
OP should not give any of his family his new address, if he gets the house.
Plus electricians make good money so unless he’s not good at his job he must have other reasons to be financially strapped. Gambling? Living beyond their means? Everything going on with the brother is the results of his poor choices. He made the choice to have a house far from work or having a job far from home. He made the choice to have a large family. He made whatever choices that lead to him losing his current place.
Story 4: OP's husband, my first vehicle to drive was a Toyota Preva. There is nothing wrong with the car in my opinion. The feature that makes it stand out is the engine is under the front seats so it looks like an egg. Looking at photos, they do look kind of ridiculous. But they get the job done. And getting the job done is what needs to happen. That SUV is not getting the job done. You need to get over yourself and get something that works and your ego is getting in the way.
Its less an SUV vs Van thing and more the age of the car. Nothing younger than 2010 is going to become a "classic car"
It's all planned obsolescence and software designed to make you bring it in often, get new parts you don't need, cause they have plenty of time on them and crap added that gets found out years later and then immediately recalled cause its either stupidly dangerous, or flat out illegal.
I couldn't be a mechanic for a dealership, I'm not good at lying to people.
I mean… what was stopping him from driving a Highlander? It’s not a van and it’s a Toyota so it’s reliable. I think he just wanted a “toy” in the garage and didn’t think about the long term cost.
And how funny was it that OP had an SUV to begin with. If he wanted an SUV then there was no need for the trade. Also if it was OPs vehicle then why should he care whether or not she has a minivan, SUV, or a half dozen unicycles? Oh yeah control. Screw him
Their mistake was going with a Mercedes SUV. Mercedes are expensive af. Going with a different brand would be better for a family of 6 due to costs of living, kid costs, etc.
12:32 Anyone gonna mention that she brought up the first detail twice in a row?
Husband: **Disappoints OP on Mother's Day, doesn't try to make it special, makes it all about himself, etc**
OP: **Throws husband's Fathers Day Gifts in the trash**
Also Husband: "Why did you do that? i'M hUrT."
He has NO right to say he's hurt when HE was the one who disappointed OP and hurt her way more. I would be apologizing profusely and offer to make it up to her as an apology. I would hate myself in this situation.
Well it was easier to throw the gifts than the spouse into the trash.
Story 1: NTA Wify PROVED she's beyond unreliable in a life/death situation.
Story 2: NTA. OP can set the money on FIRE and still be NTA.
Story 3: NTA. Hubby is a selfish PoS though. I'd recommend not celebrating ANYTHING of his anymore.
Story 4: NTA why should OPs husband dictate what car OP should have... other than setting a budget for it if he's paying.
Story 5: NTA as R/slash is know for "WHY DON'T YOOOOOU DO IT??!?" directed at Everyone else in OPs family who tries to shame OP.
Story 3: the man doesn't care at all. He could have just given her a gift card to a spa. Simple right?? Right???
Hey, before you diss the "throw your baby at the predator" strategy you should know that quokkas and some other animals do this! Well, it's not quite a throw - more like a 'drop' - but yeah, they'll drop their young if they're in danger from a predator and escape while the offspring causes a distraction.
But I mean, a human mother is not a quokka, so not ok!
Evolutionary speaking it makes sense for high fecundity species, less so for low birth rate species.
Story 3 hurt so much to listen to. The level of frustration and lack of love from that man is unmatched.
He doesn't care, at all. Really making my chest ache.
The Mercedes story resonates with me. My husband a couple of years ago got that car, but it was a 2021. Car prices since the pandemic have been stupid expensive, and he decided just because his parents had recently started living with us, he would get that car because his dad liked it. I told him I didn't give a damn about his dad's opinion. He doesn't even have a driver's license. The car is for us, not him! I got enraged and yelled at him at the dealership for not thinking rationally. He was starting to struggle financially too because of the added expense of his parents and siblings living with us, and still he insisted on this car instead of something more affordable. The car payment was over 2,200$, almost as much as our mortgage payment! I kept saying this was a stupid decision. A couple of weeks ago, the car finally got repossessed for non payment. I was right all along, and now our credit sucks and we don't have a family car anymore. He is usually smart with his decisions, idk why he was so obsessed with that car he couldn't afford.
Story 1:She doesn't have the right to criticize people feeling fear when she herself is more fearful than a 4 year old child,NTA at all
That first guy does not deserve any A-hole score even hypothetically the most rational thing to do in an emergency is to get an idea of what is going on before you tuck tail and run.
@@williambragg6171 are you suggesting that blindly running away would protect the child more making sure it was safe, which direction to go and what he should actually do?
Exactly because for all the fiancé knew, she was running closer to danger. It amazes me (sarcasm) that she didn’t realize her neglect and stupidity from the incident and instead chose to block the memory apparently.
Maybe because fight-or-flight reactions are not rational? I had a genuine flight response once in my life that could have gotten me hit and killed if a car had been coming when I bolted into the street to get away. Your brain basically turns off for a few moments. There is no time for thought. Your body just moves and there's nothing you can do about it, because you're hardly even aware it's happening until well after you've done it.
You don’t go looking for trouble. He’s dumb for trying to see what was going on. She went back the way they came from away from the sound. Y’all need to quit trying to be a hero on the internet. Your first thought should have been to get your child out of there, making sure your family was safe. Then if you hear yelling for help see what’s happening. Both of them are idiots.
The last story about op who was looking to buy a house is that she should be looking into buying a one bedroom apartment for herself so that her deadbeat brother and his family can't move in with her which would force them to move in with their parents instead
I think it's a dude. He had a couple updates. He told his mom to knock it off, and tell the rest of the family to stop or they will be blocked. And he decided not to get the house but is looking elsewhere.
Update on the story with the minivan saga: he tried to make his own update to clarify things after his wife showed him the post. Actually make it look worse for himself. His car broke down, forcing the family to rely on Uber. He agreed to her getting the minivan [begrudgingly]. Wife reports its better in every way
Honestly, I will never judge someone for their response in a life or death situation. Everyone reacts differently and you never know how you'll do until you face something like that yourself. The mother wasn't thinking rationally when she thought she heard gunfire.
I will, however, judge someone who knows how they'd react (flight, definitely flight) for judging other people for not being sufficiently brave.
Story one reminds me of the guy whose GF just loses the plot & screams in terror any time anything goes wrong.
I was thinking of the story where OPs wife caused a fire in the kitchen while he was away and her reaction was to run out of the house and call the fire department from a neighbor’s while leaving their baby in the house in her crib. She even had the audacity to block OP from entering the house. OP went in and extinguished the fire. Luckily only minor damages. However when OP confronted her about this, she threatened to leave him and take the child.
Story 1: SOoooo OP’s wife had the audacity to victim shame when she herself is a distant relative of a Quokka. Got it. NTA, but OP should’ve taken everyone home and called the police, not investigate.
Story 3: Geez, does OP’s husband think just because he’s “got the girl”, doesn’t mean he has to put any more effort into the relationship? NTA - Hate to say divorce but consider separation for Father’s Day and go on vacation.
Story 4: Yeesh, NTA - I remember the husband telling his side of the story - It’s funny when people try to paint themselves in a better light, but people can clearly see the BS seeping through. Basically everyone said “fella’s is it girly to want a safe and reliable car for their family?” - Yeah, they got an SUV in the end.
Last story had an update. OP decided not to buy the house and has gone no/low contact with pretty much everyone.
Dude, that first story makes me mad. 13 years ago, there was a 7.1 earthquake where I live. I was eating with my family, including my sister and my nephew, who was strapped to his tall chair. When the quake started, everyone bolted out the door immediately, except for my sister and I. She unstrapped my nephew and, as soon as she did, I took him out of her arms and told her I'll take him she RUN now (I'm bigger than my sister, so I judged I could carry him easier and be able to shield him better in case something fell on us).
While I was running I heard the plates and whatnot falling of the shelves just behind me. At the end, nobody was hurt, just scared (in fact, there were only 2 registered casualities in the whole city during the ordeal, and one was an unfortunate old gentleman that had a heart attack due to fear).
In other words, my nephew got both his mom and his aunt stay behind during a full fledged earthquake to get him out of there. I just cannot fathom someone just leaving a baby behind at the slightest sign of trouble.
Story 2: to be honest, I don’t really care what OP does with that money. I’m trying to figure out how she thought she was entitled to have any kind of say in it. One that’s not your husband so you wouldn’t owe her step kid anything, and if the mentality is stepdad won’t pay for anything, he doesn’t have to wait your kid. Why would you be expected to do anything for his? If he needs a friend, he had to parent that could’ve done that for him, don’t badger your ex about it.
Theres an update rslash did not cover
Her parents contributed to the fund, so it wasn't only him
But it was resolved amicably. Both OP and his ex contributed to pay for one year of living expences for the stepson, who also turned out to have been closer to OPs son than OP thought.
Story 3 makes me think the husband wants out of the relationship, but not be the one initiating.
The last story: if the brother loses the house, he's likely not seeing $$ from it. Beyond that, he clearly has money issues. Even if OP DID want to help, it'd be way too risky to put him on the mortgage at this time. Also, just what a weird take in general. "I don't want him to move in" to "put him on the mortgage!"
Final story: I disagree, if they are 'about to lose the house' it means the bank is going to foreclose on it and take the property. Apparently they don't make enough to afford that property.
But the brother's actions, I am wondering if they are actually squatters, and by "losing the house", it is actually them being kicked out. Now they were trying to weasel in to squat at OP's house.
@@dudeorduuude5211of course along with either not handling the electrical work or does the bare minimum. I heard that OP decided not to get the place so brother is definitely on his own. Maybe he can buy the place 😅
Story 5:It will be OP's house,and OP never promised anything,If people complain,they can help,NTA
Story 3:Those were not mother's day gifts at all,NTA
Last story reminded me of the "Do It For Dan!" Story Dabney's told here before.
The brother in the last story should have been more forthcoming about his situation rather than try to play OP for a fool by offering his electrician services in exchange for a promise that OP never made to him. OP is definitely NTA. The brother is truly TA.
3:36 - Investigating the situation isn't "playing hero". It's assessing the threat to see what dangers exist in order to know what actions to take. Sending wife with Baby to run and following them could cause you to be defenseless on your back. Facing the situation while wife and Baby get to safety could buy them time while you take appropriate action to handle the situation, depending on what it is.
I hate it when people like in story one are nasty about how other people behave, while actively being someone who behaves in the exact same way...
My mother is one such person. Constantly complains about how people can't drive, but when she's on the road the only rule is that she's always right and others better not get in her way...
Story 1: I agree with Rslash with everything he said but one thing. OP was NOT "trying to be a hero." He was scoping out the situation in a safe manner to see if they were in danger. He gets zero buttholes from me.
I don’t get why the ex thinks he would give her stepson his son’s college money……it makes zero sense.
Ita called entitlement
I’m surprised the wife in the first story didn’t yell “ take the two of them just not me!!” While flailing her arms in the air then coming back while soiling and soaking her pants.
Op is not the BH
This is almost as bad as the mom who ran from home because someone knocked on her door leaving her twin babies behind and than getting mad at OP for not understanding.
Or the mom leaving her baby in a house that was ON FIRE from a stove fire. Op went in and saved his kid and killed the fire (it was a pot/pan being used to make dinner). The wife was outside but no baby.
Story 1: wife goes to therapy and/or some training for emergency situations, or divorce. No way around it.
Does the last story remind anyone of the” do it for Dan” a while back?
That "mothers day party" sounds like a story i heard recently where a wife excitedly told her husband she got her a gift. That gift turned out to be a grill, which he then had to go pick up from the store, put it together, and then cook food for a bunch of his wife's friends she had invited over, then presumably clean up.
Tbh for the first story if it was a zombie apocalypse
Mother "Monkey bomb out!"
Grabs 9 month year baby
Baby "My hero."
Throws it
Baby "Wait what."
I think people (especially RSLASH) are underestimating how blind you become with the fight or flight response.
that said, OP1 is NTA.
Being blind in the moment, you can give some leeway to. But she demonstrated what she would do in a flight or fight response, and then had the gall to claim she would be wonder woman if another situation happened. She has no ground to stand on in that talk. Fight or flight can be reflexive instinct, and her instinct was to abandon her child
That doesn't preclude you from being a hypocrite for immediately shaming *someone's* fight or flight response, and then actively lying about your own one. Which is still an asshole move.
I'm a behaviorist. The fight or flight response can be thought of as a sliding spectrum scale with the conscious mind on one side and the subconscious mind on the other. The subconscious mind isn't just instincts. It measures things like trust, familiarity, confidence and everything that keeps anxiety low in a person. When a person works for years in a machine shop with dangerous tools, they become comfortable with them. If they don't intentionally remain mindful of them, that's when they lose fingers. That familiarity extends to family. Only if you are completely comfortable with your family/kids, meaning not nervous around them, can you bond with them. Maternal instincts is that bond. The bond is scientific.
Humans and social animals have receptors in their brains which can pick up and synchronize with the brain waves from anyone they have a bond with. Dogs, for instance, have very high synchronicity with their owners like wolves do with their pack. That's why they can often sense when something is wrong with you if your bond is strong. Mothers have strong bonds with their babies at least until their kids learn to walk and talk and then if the kids stress them out the bond can be lost. When a person someone has a strong bond with is in distress, the partner can sometimes sense something wrong even from a distance.
If the two are in the same place and one senses danger, the people/pets they're bonded with and even sometimes objects they're bonded with if anything gives them comfort will act as a virtual extension of their physical body, and their very first priority thought when in fight or flight will be to shield that 'part of their body' from danger. To do that requires the same mindfulness as someone working with deadly machines. If someone is extremely insecure when under duress, they need therapy asap to not be a danger to themselves and their family. They will put them in danger in a crisis.
Fight or Flight is not "level of blindness". It's a person's ability to manage the sudden increase of brain wave traffic from the increased stimuli triggered when anxious as though it were a call center. Sheltered people just get static, and That is the "blindness". To see clearly, exposure therapy helps. Playing challenging video games is actually helpful.
Last story: What was that, my family? You don't think it's fair that my brother and his family are facing homelessness and I should let them move into my place? I have an even better idea! Why don't YOU buy them a house and let them live there?? I mean, that's what FaMiLy does, right? You'd be fine with that, wouldn't you? What do you mean, no?! That's so selfish!!
Yeah, just more people playing fast and loose with other people's stuff in the name of generosity. OP NTA
Reminds me of that old political cartoon where a man and a woman are watching a politician throw money into a crowd. The husband says "Wow, he's so generous!" The wife answers "He's using your wallet."
2nd story: So, just to be clear - a man’s son, who was full of promise and starting the next phase of his life, is killed in a horrible way and relatively soon after - while he’s still grieving - the man’s ex-wife comes sniffing around for money she can use for another kid wholly unrelated to the man’s son?
Yeah, sounds about right…
People who have kids and have insane expectations of aunts/uncles of the kids to just give up significant portions of their life in order to "help" are common in stories online, and so much harder to see in person. There are always cases where help is needed, but the difference is asking for help with expectations on it being paid back and expecting help for little to nothing in return, especially when it's not communicated.
Story 4 has an update: they talked it out maturely. The husband apologised for being dumb, and they've agreed to sell the Mercedes and get a minivan like OP wanted
The Belgium Beer story has a bittersweet conclusion. It was as good as it could be.
3:20 Jess should become drinking buddies with the friend from that one story who threw the Op to the ground in front of an angry dog as distraction so that they could get away.
Story 1: it’s so easy to sit there and watch another person experience something scary and say “I’d do better in that situation”
But it’s hypocritical for her to scoff at that when she ran, leaving her child, when she thought she heard gunshots. Like you wouldn’t “fight to the nail” for a child you left behind in what you perceived as an emergency.
Story 3 baffles me so much. Like how do you have a partner that clearly cares about you so much, getting you personalized stuff and going above and beyond every year, just to do nothing for them in return and basically spit in their face by making a holiday dedicated to who they are all about you? That's SO shitty. For people without kids, that's like if on your birthday you were brought somewhere you had zero interest in with family you dont talk to and had to watch cousins you were completely unfamiliar with. That actually makes my blood boil.
I've heard story two so many times. Also the update is really sweet too!
2:36 she couldn’t grab the baby because OP had the baby. She thought he was behind her. He told us that the comments.
Story 1: Honestly I'm 100% on OP's side. Yes for snarkily pointing out his SO's cowardice, and for making sure there was actually danger before panicking (which means he can keep a cool head in an emergency, it's a good thing). His gf/wife (can't remember) needs the reality check. I don't think I would agree with rSlash that it'd be worth fighting over per se, but I do think it's worth... telling her off and letting her know it's a problem.
Story 2: So, she made up her mind on how to spend OPs money on her own selfish wants and dictates this to him before he sets the record straight. Then she has the audacity to ask him for the money anyways. Not to mention this is all due to OPs son’s unfortunate passing. This woman is a piece of work. She deserves 3/5 at the minimum.
For story 4, I believe there was an update by the husband.
Basically, he has a fragile masculinity because having a minivan "is for moms". Kinda doubled down on why the purchase was good, but his points can be summarized to "bro has a masculinity issue"
the husband's a fool, if the piece of overpriced Eurojank is constantly breaking down, get rid of it
@@brendanboomhour7606not everyone can do that
Story 1: that reaction reminds me of a certain animal that abandons the baby to survive
First story: NTA. She got herself caught in her own hypocracy. Also, if when in danger her first instinct is to ditch he own baby to save herself it means she sucks as a mother.
Way did the woman in the first story abandoned her child they could’ve died and abandoned her husband too
The 4 story also has the husband’s post to the husband made a post
In the last story even if they offered to split the mortgage 50/50 op still has every right to refuse.
Last story: "But it's YOUR job to help him so that WE don't have to!" is what it boils down to.
For story 4, used S class (or GLS for the SUVs) Mercedes are notoriously some of the most expensive vehicles to maintain. There is a reason they drop from $100k+ to the price of a loaded Honda minivan after 5 years, the minute the warranty is over they can become money pits.
2nd story. Well, your ex can think you're being irresponsible with the money all she likes. You're divorced you don't owe her an explanation. The magic of divorce.
Story 2. Op wants to go to Belgium to drink beer brewed by monks, that can only be bought at the monastary. That has got to be Westvleteren Trappist. That is a very good beer.
It's hilarious RSlash is giving the mom in story 1 an asshole score for running away but the mom who literally abandoned her baby IN A FIRE and then tried to STOP the husband from going inside and rescuing said baby, got a free pass for being scared.
Story 5: it’s weird how Ops brother thinks him fixing small things around the house automatically makes it his house, and if Ops family is calling Op “disgraceful” for not taking in his brother than THEY CAN TAKE HIM IN!
Last story: then the rest of the family can help since they’re so concerned it’s always funny how people that never lift the finger for anyone is always judging everyone else for not lifting a finger. Your brother tried to play with logic that makes no sense so he locked the right to ask you for help because instead of doing that he tried to force his way in.
Mom and anyone else who thinks they can badger, you can now offer to help since they wanna be involved .
3:22 Jess is the quokka of the human kind 😶 it someone threatens her, she's yeeting babies to get rid of the attacker
Let's not forget the brother didn't do electrical work yet, he offered.
He thinks the offer is what entitles him to move in.
Story 2 does have an update: OP did start his trip to Europe, but did invite his ex-wife and her family to the last part of the vacation at his expense. He also learned just how close his son was with his stepbrother, and made the decision to use part of the funds to give the stepbrother a year of tuition.
First story, I can not comprehend the mother running away and leaving the child, the BABY, behind.
I do not have children and and am not really a child liking person, but even I know that if I feel like my life and a child's life would be in danger, lost child hypothetically, I would do everything in my power to make sure AT LEAST the child was safe.
If I were to have kids, don't worry not that interested anyway, I know I'd have ran away WITH my child if I thought I'd heard gunshots nearby me.
That first story not even my partner, if i even had a friend who ran away from a noise and LEFT the baby, if she was complaining about the situation to me, id have to instany get up and leave, because we aren't friends anymore. I can't think of a time when grabbing my daughter wasnt my first priority in even vaguely stressful situations. Let alone an actually dangerous one.
story 5: this is the first i've seen on this channel, where OP (not Dabney) is the one to say "Well, why don't YOU DO IT?!" like OP isn't his parent, she's his sister, she has 0 obligation to provide for her adult child
3:13 I think most people would assume their partner would also flee if they heard gunshots. From her perspective there were guns being fired ( Even if it didn't sound anything like gunshots that's what she thought), I wouldn't assume my partner would be stupid enough to go charging at them.
3:20 fun fact kangaroos actually have been known to do something very similar to this.
Not quite the same, but my sister once ran away from a wasp (she was really afraid of wasps), and left her child in their buggy. One minute she was there, the next, yards away and the wasp hovvering around the baby. She never lived it down.
Story 1 made me laugh. The thought that the lady just GTFO while OP went to check on the noise. Like, I’m imagining her running off in a cloud of smoke like the RoadRunner.
Paying for the education could change the step-son's life, but I feel like going through with the joke of using the money for a trip is an absolutely vital part of OP's grieving process.
I think runaway mamma was a kangaroo in her previous life. In a situation where a predator is chasing a kangaroo with a joey, it will throw the joey out as a means of distracting the predator, giving mamma a better chance of escape!
For story 1 I can understand running away with the baby and I can understand freezing (I actually do freeze buts only in stressful situations like the first story) but abandoning your own kid to save your own hide is not cool
(woman here) I *HAD* been in several very dangerous situations...
We're talking possible death or severe injury situation... not with a baby but with 'just' a dog.
Each and *EVERY SINGLE TIME* my FIRST reaction, without a second of hesitation, without a SINGLE thought, I grabbed and picked up my dog (she's very tiny), shielding her with my own body. THAT was my reaction to threat. I once fought off a large, absolutely psychotic, neurotic mutt, with just my legs and one arm, as with the other arm the entire time *I HELD MY DOG ABOVE MY HEAD* to keep her out of the mutt's reach!
But abandoning your OWN BABY?... I think I'd be considering divorce if I were the OP...
These stories are great to listen to on my work day, greetings from Europe
(the small land of the Dutch)
G'day from Australia!
@@Chuckf66 hiya mate! I love Aussies
Story 1: No divorce is needed. They're just fiancés. All they have to do is break up and go through a custody battle. But OP is NTA.
One time when I was just 2 or 3. We were hit by a pretty bad earthquake. It was morning time so I was peacefully sleeping in my crib. My parents who were downstairs came up to the third floor from the ground floor just to get me. We were all safe. But lost everything
Last story makes me think of “Do it for Dan”
Story 5:
Apparently, OP's brother has a whole slew of relatives who think that helping him is the right thing to do, so he'll be fine.
You know, unless they suddenly flake the moment they're expected to lift a finger themselves.
"When you've got a baby that's the time to run to safety."
Yeah, but you gotta remember to TAKE THE BABY WITH YOU! You listening, Jess?
Vehicle choice story.... Being a big guy and a longtime (I'm 67) musclecar/pickup truck guy, I too used to laugh at minivans. Then I got to the point of having only a motorcycle for transportation for over two years. Finally saved money for a new vehicle. Guess what? I bought a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan minivan! I use it for many things - carrying a bunch of coworkers for luncheons, carrying building materials and other stuff, I've even camped in it. So very versatile. And it's quite spry, I have shutdown several guys in cars trying to pass me in an intersection. I call it "the Man's Minivan"! It's truly one of the best vehicles I've ever owned. 😎👍
Last Story: If OP’s brother did move into OP’s house, OP would probably be expected to pay the mortgage payment.
The mother's day story. She needs to give him the same energy he gave. Have her friends come over , tell him that you need to go to the store and just leave him with the kids all day. Then tell him your too tired and no dinner .