HOW DO YOU LOVE? Ultimatum Queer Love - The BSP - Ep 103
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- čas přidán 13. 06. 2023
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Meet the Five Couples Risking It All in the ‘Ultimatum: Queer Love’ Cast
www.netflix.com/tudum/article...
I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Please write me whole paragraphs! I want to know how many of us think alike or otherwise
PS: I was unable to monetize this video If you're interesting in supporting my work I highly recommend joining our discord (it's tons of fun and you get to talk to chat with interesting people): www.patreon.com/BrittanySimon
I watched the Ultimatum after getting out of my first queer relationship. And it was a very toxic one. The show really did help me figure some things out through being able to relate to some of the things that were going on. And this video just broke it down even better for me.
I love your perspective so much, once I heard on the internet that love should only be a win/win, taking in someone as a part of yourself so that the mere posibility of hurting them or them hurting you just isnt posible, "becasue whats good for me, its good for you" and that idea alone has changed my life. I think a lot of people (in my case, including my own family) are only taught to love in a deeply antagonistic way (win/lose situation) and that mentality and the deep fear of abandonment and betrayal that it instils in you is so hard to escape, it sneaks in on you, it contaminates every moment of closeness, every gesture, you're always fearing that you're being too vulnerable and the other person might betray you. Once you get rid of the whole competition perspetive where someone always has to have the upper hand "love" feels so different and thats the love I want in my life.
This is beautiful! I screenshoted this so I can look back on it when I need to be reminded ☺️
Yesss!!!
This brings to mind the toxic tendency to hope your ex ends up alone or that you end up with someone "better."
"Who lost the break up and who won."
It's also related to why people think it's okay to go for married/taken people.
"If she can't keep him, she loses. And I win."
The idea that someone needs to win/lose is such a waste of energy.
@@panzramstransam7695 i concur this was beautiful and I will try to love less selfishly after reading, I rarely find youtube comments insightful
OMG YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE💖
TELL ME ALL YOUR THOUGHTS!💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Mal and Sam were my favorites. They were both showing how self aware they are and how patient they can be. You can really tell that they both value, communication and consent.
26:49. Slay. Im so glad you picked up on Vanessa's likely nuerodivergence so soon
36:10 fr no one has talked about how harsh Sam was in this scene. I honestly can't blame Aussie for getting a little bit triggered by this. Her having a breakdown in the parking lot was heartbreaking. Like I applaud Sam for her general knowledge of mental health but if she's gonna choose to be in a relationship with a highly traumatized person she NEEDS to step carefully
Thumbnails have been getting better and better Brittany! You are killing it! ❤
Thank you!!!!! 🙏💙🙏🙏💙💙🙏
Mal was the mvp of the season, such a diamond. Haha that was crazy listening back to Mal's prediction the first night like "I'm afraid in 2 months you'll be in love with someone else". And then when yoly was struggling with 2 loves, Mal was so empathetic in what yoly was feeling and understanding, most people would just get jealous. Also loved watching Lex in this season. I'm going to be so sad this season is over lol it was so refreshing to see queer reality love TV, me being bi I get so bored of them always being hetero 100 percent lolol this season ripped my heart out in some of the moments and I felt like the women relationships it was refreshing to see deeper emotional empathy than just a guy getting jealous over a girl
I loved the representation!! It was so satisfying ♡ It didn't feel forced. It felt so normal watching people just be human, regardless of gender.
Mal ( according to her friend) is the person everybody falls easily for & Yoli the one who falls for everybody. It would have been interesting to see Mal hhave a trial marriage with someone not so enamored by her. How would she have reacted?
Sam reminds me of who I was in the past, being the therapist for ppl is also a getaway car for not dealing with your own issues.
Aussie & Mildred held up a mirror to each other. They must have been each others worst nightmare in the trial marriage but if they were a little more vulnerable & less reactive they could have healed each other the most.
I have this feeling that Lexi only comes off as mature cause she is weighed against ppl like Rae who seems to have just hatched.
Vanessa is just shallow & there are ton of ppl like her & she will probably be very happy just like them.
Unfortunately the only lesbian relationships I know have resembled Tiff & Mildred. DV & abuse is so ingrained in many same s3x relationships in my country & especially since it is 2 women it is downplayed. Mildred identifying her toxicity as her culture just shows a way bigger wound.
wow, very insightful once again, loved this podcast just like the previous one you referenced at the start
Glad you enjoyed it!!!
You've truly shown your... inexperience with saying you have a fixed dominant personality and final form at 34. And yes. I watched the entire video.
Having items in your closet to dress up as the past versions of yourself isnt the same thing as loving the past,present, and future person/final form. Thinking you are at your final form at 34 is a very interesting callout to yourself.
Id implore you @brittanysimon, to have a reply to your 34 year old self in 5 years. Even 2 years.
Said with love. Truly
I think we are talking about different things. Of course I'll change but my personality isn't really what changes, it's just updated. Even if you go back and look at my childhood, I always had the same vibe, just different packaging :)
Aussie and Sam: I loved Sam and thought she was so sweet and compassionate. Aussie was clearly traumatized and was unable to cope with or work on Aussie’s trauma. Aussie’s breakdown was not surprising to me. It felt like that was inevitable. Their relationship made sense. I hope if they are together still that Aussie is really doing the work to process the trauma so there is more space for Sam’s needs in the relationship. I have been with an Aussie type and that person only began to work on themself when I left.
Xander and Vanessa: Xander was the only person besides Sam who I believe was ready for marriage. She had to let Vanessa go. Vanessa seems like someone who loves being the center of attention. Vanessa seemed neurodivergent to me. She came off as trying to be funny and it just didn’t land or was offensive in many cases. I felt bad for her that she couldn’t see where she was going wrong with people.
Xander and Yoly: Yoly loves the honeymoon phase. She wants to feel all the big, intense, beginning emotions, all the time. Which to me, is a red flag that usually means cheater. I think this relationship helped Xander grow, but for Yoly it was just a beautiful moment in time.
Yoly and Mal: Mal came off so wonderfully. Loved her and was yelling at my screen that she deserved better. Her concerns about Yoly were validated. I was so disappointed that they got engaged. It made me question Mal until the reunion when she said Yoly wasn’t completely honest with her.
Lexi and Rae: Lexi has such a strong personality and I think she would be better off with someone else who has a strong personality. Rae doesn’t seem to know herself at all. She was just existing. I’m glad they didn’t stay together.
Mildred and Tiff: Tiff seemed like someone who is very sensitive and easy to take advantage of. Mildred seemed mean to me from the beginning. My friend and I had disagreements about that and ultimately she agreed after the reunion. Mildred gave the impression that she liked or was used to the toxic, leaving and begging for each other back, cycle. The way she spoke in the reunion made me sick. Hopefully they both work on themselves.
Rae also seemed neurodivergent to me. Finding it difficult to know how you’re feeling can be a sign of alexithymia.
Thank you! I love your opinions on this show 💫
💗🙏💗🙏💗🙏💗💗🙏
im cackling reading brittany’s notes
I get that Rae can seem like a doormat but if Rae Is a doormat then Lexi is a bulldozer and maybe they are just not compatible and I can see Rae being with someone who is more respectful and more understanding of Rae and not sure if I can relate to being someone like Lexi so I can't speak on that so I won't try to. I actually was kinda hoping they could get through their issues together but that is a bit parasocial.
Agree. Lexi is indeed a bulldozer 😭
Sound?
If you're watching on phone, sometimes youtubes app freaks out. Close it and open it again :) Desktop is working but phones can be odd sometimes.
Thanks!
I had less love for Lexi and Mal. Lexi’s self righteous obsession with Vanessa had such mean girl energy. She could not tolerate people having a different worldview than her, especially Rae. Very holier-than-thou - shes so young it’s annoying. I like her but not this version. In a decade she’ll be awesome.
Mal was too performative, too passive for me. She was kind of fake. Like Lexi’s degree of interest in Mal was not reciprocated. Lexi would say “in another life we soulmates” and Mal would go wide eyed and respond “you’re the only trial wife I could have chosen.” Maybe it’s the edit, but I wanted her to be more direct with Lexi. Lexi needs people as assertive as she is. And then Mal says all the soft, progressive, “right” things poly people say when Yoly tells Mal she loves Xander. But Mal and Yoly are not poly. Mal didn’t express the anger, frustration, betrayal she must have felt. I think Yoly would have made space for that. But I got the sense that Mal wanted to passively allow the relationship to end without being the one who ends it. To let Yoly be the bad guy while Mal is the wronged one. I think Mal was very aware of how she wanted to be seen on TV. To the point that it blocked authenticity, more than the other contestants.
All that but I still have a crush on Mal haha
Ohhhh I never considered Mal might be performing in a specific way. I wondered about others, but Mal seemed like she was performing for Yoly to me, which felt like she was making a last-ditch effort to save the relationship. 🤔 Thanks for the food for thought!
About Lexi, it seemed to be like she has difficulty with letting go of control. It can serve you well in some situations but only to a certain point.
She’s still young. I agree, in 10 years she’s probably going to be totally different.
27:45 i'm sorry but vanessa is very conventionally attractive. yes, there will still be some people who wouldn't be into her (she wouldn't be MY type, personally) because attraction is not based solely on looks but depends on other factors as well, but to call her "average" is very confusing and feels like a projection. this looksrating stuff has fried people's brains and distorted their perception so badly. hearing somebody refer to someone else as "a ten" (or "mid" or any other number) is one of the main tell-tale signs someone has severe internet brain-rot at this point.
So interesting that you liked Mal. I felt like so much of her language was performative, IG-based relationshipspeak. It felt like she was so agreeable with Lexi to get what she wanted. Likely, because she was the most beautiful. Everything about Mal’s words felt inauthentic to me. However, I do hope all the personalities find the person for them!!
Vanessa was continually manipulative and didn’t get ENOUGH reprimand for her behaviors if I’m being honest.
I don’t have a lot of hope for Aussie. Her Instagram is consumed with posts about empaths, narcissistic abuse…I don’t mean to be a pessimist, but if she wants to be married and have a family, I would hope that she’s further along in her mental health journey by now. She appears stuck in her trauma to me.
Look at European Brittany!! 😂😂😊