r/Bestof My Cheating Fiancé Wants an Open Relationship
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
- Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8...
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0:00 Intro
0:15 Mom and daughter clash over women's rights
10:22 Trying an open relationship before marriage
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
Anyone noticed in the first story that OP threatened divorce if the husband went through with helping the daughter, but then when the husband said he wanted one, OP said that they’re Catholics and don’t do that? Hypocrite!
I was literally about to say this! You took the words right out of my mouth.
She probably mentioned it as empty threat.
It's even worse than that: the bible condemns divorce, but legit has instructions for performing abortions. This woman is so backwards in her priorities.
@@GHOSTMAN262 no one said there wasn’t the comment was pointing out op’s hypocrisy when she threatened to leave her husband but is now saying they can’t get divorced because of their religion. She does one thing and gets mad when someone does the same thing to her.
Oh shit, I didnt notice that at first.
I’m from Arizona, and I can 100% confirm that ASU has a reputation for being a party school and accepting everyone. Now, if they threw that kind of shade at something like UAT, *then* I’d be upset
Geez really?
@@3ch0h3art4 Yeah. I've never been there myself, but UA in particular likes to talk crap about ASU student parties.
@Michael E huh, I feel bad for the introverts who attend that school then
@@michaele8444 I don't think I've ever seen a more fitting example of the pot calling the kettle black.
Or NAU.
"Emma" of the first story is *exactly* right. "I don't think I could abort, but anyone else can if they want to"
That's why it's called "pro-choice." Nobody's forcing anyone to get an abortion, unlike what the "pro-life" crowd wants you to believe.
I don’t think I could murder but anyone else can if they want to. 👨🏻🦱
@@MagicalBlueBeetle Exactly. It may not be ethically correct to you, but anyone else *can* even if they should not
@@sirinkaslana3709 yeah, I don't believe in controlling people. Even if a person wants to make a morally wrong decision, if they are not breaking the law, you can't stop them.
@@dredgengam4610Abortion isn't morally wrong
Kinda disgusts me that OP thinks of pregnancy as a "temporary inconvenience." Nah mate, that's an *18+ year commitment*
Yep
Easy to think of it that way when you're talking about controlling other people. I skipped that story, but the comments are giving me the gist of it. Pain is not a temporary inconvenience, and see is considered a biological need like food and water, so it is NOT just for breeding more kids to indoctrinate. * lol *
She literally offered to adopt the baby
@@shishsquared Yea, I don't know what's so hard to understand about that.
Pregnancy is NOTHING to sneeze at, it's hard on a woman's body. The muscles in your abdomen could become disconnected leaving you looking pregnant. Not to mention even if you're perfectly healthy if you DON'T have good insurance complications, potentially deadly ones can happen.
I had a cousin who was giving birth to her child, in a good hospital, and had prepared and wanted this baby. And SHE still had serious complications. There's a reason maternal deaths are so high in the US.
Story 1:
OP: I am going to get a divorce if my daughter and husband go through with this
Also OP in the update: My husband wants a divorce but that goes against our religion
Lady, hypocrisy is written all over you on this post
She said she thought abt it, but decided not to give thru with it. Then the husband decided they WERE gonna get a divorce. It one thing to think abt it and another to actually go thru with it.
@@gabeamorello6679 even if you think about it, it’s still hypocrisy.
That's because most Christian and most religious people are the biggest Hypocrites on the planet
What, a christian being a hypocrite? Thats never happened
@@realrealwarpet Yeah, that's usually how it goes with this type of bible thumpers.
Story 1: Can you imagine if one of her kids came out as gay? She sounds like she'd abandon them in a heartbeat.
Especially in our current society, where sin is renamed and encouraged/praised, this is where families need to grow closer together. If you want that family member to overcome that sin, stay with them, love them, educate them, and encourage them to be better. Disowning your family member for being a homosexual will only damage relationships and push them further into sin.
@@JayJaytheweird Homosexuality is not a sin. Go preach the hatred of your God somewhere else.
@@jackanarchy9946 Yes it is. Look up Leviticus 18:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Romans 1:26-27. It’s a cold, hard fact and nothing can change that. You only think this is hatred because evil hates being called out for being evil. And God loves us but hates evil. Think about this: God sent His only son to die for sinners like us. We all deserve hell but thanks to the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus went through, we are all able to receive salvation through Him. He loved us so much that He was willing to be humiliated, tortured, and killed. We can be forgiven, cleansed from our sins, and receive salvation only through Him. That is beautiful and that is true love.
@@JayJaytheweirdjokes on you, i don’t believe in your fucked up religion so your paragraph means nothing to me
@@JayJaytheweirdTell me, do you eat pork or seafood?
If you do, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus 11:7 says you can’t eat pork, and Leviticus 11:10-11:12 says you can’t eat seafood.
Do you sacrifice animals on altars? If you don’t, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus chapters 1-7 cover God’s commands for animal sacrifices.
Do you always stand up in the presence of old people? If you don’t, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus 19:32 says to stand up in the presence of the aged.
Finally, do you believe that gay people should be put to death? What about cheaters? What about people who curse their parents? Leviticus chapter 20 is very clear that the punishment ordained by God for all of those things is death. If you allow those people to live, you’re breaking God’s law.
The hypocrisy of Christians is an old, old song that everyone is sick of hearing. Don’t think nobody notices how y’all pick and choose which bits of Leviticus you desperately cling to in order to justify your own hatred and which you totally ignore.
Matthew 22:34-40: A Pharisee asks Jesus which is the greatest commandment of God’s law. Jesus answers, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Then, he says the second greatest commandment is, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Christians know all the various laws in Leviticus about sacrificing animals and what’s acceptable to eat and which bodily fluids are unclean are all training wheels, temporary laws to give the faithful some structure in their lives before Jesus came along and showed believers the true way toward redemption. Jesus knew that blindly following Leviticus to the letter while ignoring the love and mercy of God’s word was missing what was really important about faith. That’s precisely why he didn’t get along with the Pharisees.
Christians already know this. That’s why they eat bacon, why they don’t fret about wearing clothes made from two kinds of fabric, and why they don’t force women to live in isolation for a week because they’re menstruating (all things that contradict God’s law as told in Leviticus.) But they’ll still cling desperately to this one tiny passage about “Man shall not lie with man” even when they’re perfectly content to chuck everything else from those same books.
And the most insulting thing about this is that you don’t think we notice the hypocrisy.
We do. And so does Jesus. Hypocrite.
"Husband wants a divorce. I remind him that we're Catholic and don't do that."
Catholic over here: HA! They should see the marriage success rate of MY family! Not my own parents, but my uncle and cousins.
Not Catholic but raised Catholic. Honestly shocks me how many people are unaware that annulment is a thing and there are valid reasons for a marriage ending even by Catholic “marriage is forever” standards. Sounds to me like she was just using her religion to justify her narcissism.
Where does the Bible say that divorce is actually okay? I believe in the event of infidelity and that is all.
Even catholics can get divorced by the Church laws 😂😂😂. There are very specific but it is possible
Also, you know what's really funny. Is the Bible doesn't say anything about abortion. In fact, all the Bible says about abortion is how to do one. And Jesus never mentions abortion. But you know what Jesus and the Bible spend a lot of time talking about and not just how to do one is divorce and how it's a sin. So in the eyes of the Christian Bible, especially the Catholicism Bible, having a divorce is much worse sin than having an abortion. Especially considering God is very pro-abortion. The flood yield all kinds of pregnant women. There's also a time when the Israelites got in a fight with the Canaanites and God ordered them to rip all unborn babies out of the womb. Like I said it's very pro choice.
@@AlibifortheAfterlifereligious beliefs always get in the way with stuff like this.
It makes me so uncomfortable that OP in story 1 refers to effects of pregnancy as “temporary” while yes, there’s some effects that go away some effects (if not, most) are permanent
Like what? She said she'd adopt the baby.
@@alix6xgorg839 What she said is that they’d raise the baby together.
@@alix6xgorg839 the pregnancy itself can have permanent effects even outside of the baby after its born. If you've never heard of the dozens of potential complications that can arise from pregnancy and childbirth I urge you to do so. It's an eye opening experience to realize that mother mortality is still fairly common not to mention paralysis, depression, anxiety, health conditions, etc that can occur during and after pregnancy.
@@Theimmure she offered 2 options. Both of you are correct. Pay attention to the first part again if you don't believe me.
@@roselover411 And death is a permanent effect. Why should the baby die just so the mother can not be slightly irratated in her life when the one who caused said baby's life is the mother?
If your partner suddenly wants to “open the relationship” they probably already unlocked the door and have a hand on the knob.
A hand on the knob, in more ways than one.
@@Connor-ONeill lol!
imo its good idea to ask, I think its healthy to be curiose and as long as they didn't already start that then its something to talk about
@@lightfinder4230 seems like an excuse to fuck around. If you can’t keep it in your pants then you don’t deserve a relationship. Go play around then, she dodged a bullet
hehe, knob
About the fiancé one. The thing that disturbs me (as a woman), is the fact that she said the barista had always been nice to BOTH of them. This would leave one to believe that the barista KNEW he was in a relationship. There is nothing trashier than someone knowing that someone is in a relationship, yet pursuing them anyway. That's assuming he was telling the truth...
That woman is more interested in her faith then her family
I mean... Ultimately that's not a bad thing. What's bad is when you use your faith to cause damage and be a menace to everyone
@@dredgengam4610did it not do exactly that ?? destroyed the whole family
@@dredgengam4610Clearly it _is_ a bad thing
I mean, yeah, that's Christianity. You put god first. She has a family, ok, but that doesn't mean she has to completely let go of her morals, and values.
Correct. You cannot save your family. You can only save yourself. God comes before everyone, including family.
Rules to live by (for me): *"If you are monogamous, or polyamorous, please, make that distinction known at first date"*
This.
Gonna say in story 2 I actually do believe it's very possible fiance didn't cheat, but unfortunately what he asked for was the death of the relationship. I honestly wish them both the best. Fiance obviously wasn't ready to settle down for life in a committed relationship, and to his credit at least he nuked it before the wedding happened and they would have to get a divorce. OP is better off too not being tied down to someone who could grow to resent her for not allowing him to be adventurous in their 20's.
I do believe he never cheated.
I don't believe he never would.
At first I was on his side, but I did find the crying really weird.
Well, turns out he's a pretty shitty person. Lied to his fiance about why he asked this, about if he had someone in mind, and he was in the process of setting up ANOTHER lie about "only people we know".
I'm poly myself, and the FIRST thing you learn is 100% openness. That dude is less open about his emotional life than Alcatraz is with their vault access codes.
People seem to think polygamous relationships work but realize too late how unstable it gets when it works out for your first lover and it doesn't work out for you (whoever starts the poly relationship is doomed to end up alone.)
@@Nerobyrne he cried because he loves her and she was DUMPING HIM.
@@pokemaster1725 The polyamory isn't the problem. It's the lying that's the problem. I know a polyamorous couple who have a very happy relationship.
@@pokemaster1725uhhhh no?? I’ve been in a poly relationship, it’s been fine but didn’t work out and I’m in a monogamous relationship now. The issue is the partner being deceitful. Polyamory is fine on its own and really nice when you and your partners work together.
My ex-boyfriend wanted an "open" relationship, it all came about after he cheated on me and 2 different girls, this was my first relationship ever and he came clean and broke up with me on Valentines day ( my favorite holiday). Unless an open relationship is proposed at the beginning of a relationship, I count it as a red flag.
I’m sorry that happened to you
As someone that's poly I agree with you, I always make sure people that are into me know beforehand that I am poly, I don't want to hurt someone over the way I feel, especially when they're someone I would consider a relationship with.
@@yunogasai3350 Truly the only way I could ever see an open relationship function.
@@marukouga135 Still needs a lot of open and honest communication, a proper ruleset that fits, but yes, I agree, this is the best way to handle it, not just springing extra expectations on your partner way later on
I’m sorry that happened. And proposing on open relationship is a black flag.
The 2nd story; WHY would you propose to someone if you’re then going to turn around and want an open relationship!??
Guy was thinking with his downstairs brain
@@jehaney Yup, and not ready for marriage.
He’s an example of why you make the brain before the sausage
I have a different perspective.
First of all I married my first partner and similar to that guy I have this inner feeling of missing out. Its not something you can control.
For me commiting to that relationship meant that I accept that this feeling will probably remain in the back of my head because I take responsibility not to hurt my wife.
But on the other hand I I need to be able to be able to share my feelings with my partner. If I can't then what's the point in all of this?
first story, OP is way too concerned about the yet to be born child, and far less concerned about her living daughter. She's crying over the loss of her future grandbaby, when she's seemingly not concerned about how getting pregnant and giving birth to a child up-ends someone's life, her daughter's life. It is sad, that she's so much more focused on the what-ifs, than the here-and-nows. She routinely minimizes the impact on her daughter ("prefers New England over Arizona") and derides the choices that she's made, all in favor of a child that hasn't even come close to being born yet. It wasn't her grandchild, not yet.
It gives off vibes of someone who starts thinking about marriage after the first date, and then gets frustrated when their life plans are thrown out the window because the other person didn't vibe with the date! It's such a weird focus on a being who has barely even existed.
And this doesn't even touch on the fact that the baby's mother (OP's daughter) wouldn't be very loving, nor would their father be in the picture. The finances that the daughter would have to deal with. Losing scholarships and financial aid, etc etc.
It's just so selfish on OP's end to only be thinking about the unborn fetus, and the impact the abortion had on OP, and not seemingly thinking about the impact on her daughter
She's far too focused on her faith, too. I was raised Catholic, I understand how integral to people's lives it is. But faith shouldn't come before family, or love, or kindness. If it does, you've lost the forest for the trees, you've lost the purpose of your faith: to lift your loved ones up and provide guidance for a better, kinder, more caring and loving life. There's plenty of reasons to be pro-choice as a catholic, not the least of which being that a family is predicated on love. If that love isn't there to begin with, how will that family survive? In some ways, I think OP is seeing that play out for her immediate family in these posts--she's more worried about the unborn fetus and her faith, than the love for her family, and the family is falling apart due to it. Instead of getting frustrated and upset that you've somehow "failed" your daughters after they became outspoken pro-choice women, maybe you could sit down and listen about where they're coming from?
To be fair, the daughter was said some pretty hurtful things too, like "she doesn't want to end up like [OP]." But i'm almost willing to give her a pass seeing how unsupportive and abrasive OP has been throughout this whole ordeal. It's not on the daughter to make peace, it's on OP, and OP is still only seeing it through the lens that she was hurt more than her daughter was. Until OP can get out of this selfish perspective, she's not going to be able to make amends with her family
One final note after this essay of a comment I wrote out: she ends all her posts saying something like "please keep praying for me," and I think that's pretty indicative of the type of person she is. Prayer can be good, sure. But if you're relying on that to fix what you see as problems in your life, you're not being a good catholic, in my opinion. Prayer only goes so far, and action and communication are far more important. Nothing concrete is going to change through prayer, and your apparent insistence that it will is probably another factor driving you away from your family
Why does the daughters life matter? Realistically one life is not going to effect humanity at all, but a new life and generation is more important, because you are continuing humanity. The daughter probably won't accomplish anything in life anyways, so what does it matter if her life is ruined?
@@SierNotsruht ‘realistically, one new life is not going to effect humanity at all, but an experienced person and generation is more important, because you are continuing humanity’
You see how god awful disgusting that sounds?
Why does the daughter’s life matter? BECAUSE ALL LIFE IS SACRED, you utter asshole
@@SierNotsruht Way to go, you're putting a parasite above someone already existing. Let's follow your line of thinking.
Why should the baby be born? One life being brought into the world isn't going to change much. The baby probably won't accomplish anything either.
@@SierNotsruht the daughter is going to an ivy league school
@@SierNotsruht "Realistically one life is not going to effect humanity at all", other than that being completely unempathetic and cruel, it just doesn't make sense. If one life won't affect humanity at all, then why does it matter if she gets an abortion? The daughter is going to an Ivy League school, the fetus is a complete wild card, so the daughter is much more likely to benefit society than the fetus, you, or me. Unless your point is actually humane and logical, keep it to yourself.
Just wanna say that the current acceptance Rate of Arizona State University is roughly 88%. So Lily wasn't really throwing shade at the school, but telling the truth; they accept most applicants whereas she was accepted at a school that has a more selective standard.
YOU SLYTHERIN!!!
ALmost willing to bet that she didn't have to work as hard as a white person or an asian to get into the school (statistical fact about how they judge minority figures) and she is being solely accepted into a higher league school than what she is capable of actually handling solely for the quota of Minority status.
Tbh, I live in that city, and ASU is very much considered a party school lol. You go there bc you can, not because it’s amazing. It’s not a bad school! You can get a good education. It’s just also attractive to people who want to have fun parties in college lol
I feel like an open relationship is something you should let them know about on the first date. That way you can make sure you have a partner who's *also* ok with it and gets it.
I mean it can be anytime, but if it is to cover up cheating and to "fix" relationship issues, don't do it. an open relationship does not fix your relationship, but it may end up in both realizing "this is not what I want"
if you want to open up a relationship, make sure you set clear boundaries and rules
What if you're not even thinking about that when you first get together? The guy was obviously thinking that he was going to spend the rest of his life with OP, it wasn't until he got to that point and began thinking of the implications of that when he began panicking.
I disagree. Relationships change and the most successful partners are ones that are able to adapt to change. People do not stay the same over the course of their life. You have partners that maybe start off not being okay with something like an open relationship. Maybe both of them starting out are not okay with it, 20 years later or what not they want to spice up their marriage. I think in a good and strong relationship you should be able to discuss these things. Relationships that are so rigid that you can't even bring something like this up are doomed to fail.
I agree with @artemis745 I think that if you are doing it to cover up cheating or fix your relationship then its not the way to do it. But if you genuinely want to explore and your partner wants to explore that's fine. I do think you need to always be cognizant of being careful what you wish for though. Rigid partners and rigid relationships are bad. If my partner of several years comes to me and want to open the relationship of course I am going to be curious as to why. But I'm going to talk to them. If I'm not okay with an open relationship maybe there is some other compromise we can reach, like maybe the reason they want the open relationship is because they feel their sex life is stale. Point is things change, people change, and relationships change. Good partners change with the relationship, that doesn't mean that every change has to be acceptable and if it isn't acceptable you need to break up but the point still stands
@@Dreadkid08 you worded it perfectly!
@@Dreadkid08 Yeah I think it was a really good sign the partner asked for an open relationship in this story. That's the sort of person you should trust all the more. The alternatives would be what? cheating, or hiding a crush from his wife (depending on your agreement that could count as emotional cheating). So, not great. By asking for an open relationship he was being open with his fiancee about what he wanted and was ensuring that pursuing this relationship would not be cheating and would be OK with the fiancee, or that his crush wouldn't be secret if they decided not to open the relationship. Which are all way better options. I'm not poly so I can understand the "one person is enough for me" thing but it's not cool to get mad at other people for being poly or sometimes being attracted to other people. I'm often attracted to multiple people, it just happens. Nothing to get worked up over. So long as you and your partner are honest about what you want and willing to listen and compromise, you're good. The couple here, by lying about not being interested in someone specific and not agreeing on the rules and being judgmental and untrusting when reached out to, are obviously not going about this the right way.
I know I commented before, but after listening to the other story.
Look, if the relationship is NOT open from the beginning, asking to open it is a huge red flag.
It means you've either already cheated, or you want to cheat, but you have enough of a conscience to try to get out of it with a loophole.
My last relationship started as open, which lit up my ex's eyes. She stopped listening after I said "Yeah, I'm okay with it" and missed the "But there has to be complete and total honesty and I am NOT a sidepiece, I am the main partner or not at all."
I found out two weeks later they were still engaged to their "ex" who was actually their fiancee.
Ugh.
Okay, I'm jaded, I admit.
"Open Relationship" often translates to "cheating without the guilt". If an intimately intimate monogamous partner asks for an open relationship, chances are that they already have someone in mind. Chances are that they're also dipping their toes in the experience and are now back-peddaling to coveir their ass.
Yeah I never understood why a monogamous person would willingly take part or initiate an open relationship. If one or both people were polyamorous, that's understandable. Not all poly people get into long term threesomes and such.
But monogamy open relationships are sus 🤨
Uh… no? Not always?? I’ve been with my partner for almost five years and I told them onto recently that I am poly but I won’t persue anyone bc I know they’re uncomfortable with it. It’s not always a cheating thing and that’s what pisses me off. Ppl automatically think it’s cheating when a partner asks a good question that goes with setting more boundaries.
@@sleepylionking1103YES THANK YOU
@@sleepylionking1103
Guess the original comment touched a nerve, huh?
To my understanding, an open relationship doesn't even equal a polyamorous relationship... So I don't understand why you act all butt-hurt. lmao
Not that the differences between either change my stance on it. I'm vehemently opposed to either when it comes to MY relationships (You do you. It's just not for ME.) and that's a boundary I establish very early on.
If, for example, 3 years down the line you come up to me and tell me you're poly or want an open relationship... Yeah, no. That relationship is over. To me, that insinuates you already have someone in mind, especially when it comes to the open relationship. Even if you don't have someone in mind, my trust for you is definitely gone. Aside from that, it also shows how incompatible we apparently are since the both of us obviously have different expectations when it comes to relationships.
can we talk about how the lady in the first story doesn't understand how her husband wants a divorce because their catholic... but she's the one that initially proposed divorce
Lmao that's true.
And she said in that same update “But…we don’t do that.” So she asked the question and passively answered it with that response.
She is questioning her faith since in her eyes, her daughter murdered her grandbaby and the rest of them aided and abetted.
She should question her faith, maybe read the Bible and all that, and actually see what it says about abortion. Maybe she’ll find that it doesn’t *actually say* what her pastors and faith leaders says it does on abortion. And maybe then she’ll understand she’s being lied to and that it’s all only about control for those “faith” leaders.
@@riotplanet6182
"murdered" lol
I'm gonna say though, props to that girl for telling her family in the first place. Growing up, my parents instilled such a deep fear of sex and pregnancy that I won't have kids even if married because it's confirmation that I did the sex. It's ridiculous as my family definitely know I've had sex as they have and are still helping me so much with the fallout of my PTSD which boiled over because of rape. Even though they know and I always had the view of sex as not being this huge evil thing, I still will never directly confirm it and an abortion would probably destroy me mentally as I'd take it to my grave.
I can relate to this so much. My absolute biggest fear if I were to get pregnant before marriage would be telling my parents, not caring for a child, not childbirth, not anything I should actually have to be scared of. I'm terrified of having to tell them something like that because they won't disown me, but they will never look at me the same and will always hold some resentment because of it. The amount and guilt and shame I was forced to feel about sex (among other things) has been detrimental to my mental health and I'm very grateful that I have a patient and caring partner who's helped me through so much of it
Open relationship guy just needs a therapist to deal with his issues.
I’m pro choice but dang you’re brave for revealing you political opinion on a very hot topic in a CZcams video. Respect.
First story OP officially lost me when she was like "hubby wants a divorce but our religion is against it" like hun, sweetie, if religion is the only reason you're staying together, GET OUT. I may not agree with her view on women's rights or religion, but you should never stay with someone who has drastically different views from you. That's just asking for a life of misery.
As a former catholic i know a ton of catholics who have gotten divorced. She's way over the top about the religious aspect. I'm pro choice. Shes obviously pro forced birth but shes gotta understand her acting the way she did forced her entire family to be pro choice
I'm gay. Nonbinary (born male). And of Catholic background and from a Catholic country (Spain). I'm atheist.
My friend works in the court system and they process clergy abuse cases here in Southern California. Dozens of new cases every single day. The church covers up child abuse cases to this day.
I certainly don't care about anything the Catholic church says. They are vile hypocrites!
@@alanahr5 I think you nailed it. She's doing more to push them away than she's saying. I don't fault her beliefs but in the end she has an adult daughter and that means she can express her view but the daughter has the final say. I don't agree with everything my kids do, they know what I believe. And at the end of the day they know they can still come to me when they need me. It can be done.
Ironically, the OP blaims her pro forced birth views on a religion whose holy book says life begins with the first breath and ends with the last. This is the basis of many of the state laws that consider a baby a life only if it takes a breath. Which is further irony that the forced birthers are fighting in the name of religion against policies instituted by that same religion, lol.
@@alanahr5 *obviously pro life.
Pregnancy is never a "temporary inconvenience" it's a sacrifice. You're sacrificing your finances, your future plans, your time, your body, possibly even your life because not every pregnancy ends with both mom and baby alive afterwards. People need to stop thinking that because they survived theirs that any person that they want to force into a pregnancy will survive too.
The thing is, most will just say that it's a mother's "duty" to sacrifice herself for the ✨️gift of life✨️ and romanticize the death of the mother, fault her should the child die at birth or ignore her/romanticize her distantly should the mother receive lasting damage.
Even Op here only thought about how "evil" an abortion is and not her own daughters future.
@@Erika.Jupiter EXACTLY
the mom isn:t thinking about her daughter at ALL
It is like the mom only sees her daughters as children carriers-
It's really sad that she has this mentality-
It also continues to take a toll on the body after birth. Breastfeeding a baby drains the mother of calcium, rSlash has mentioned this in prior videos. And a lot of women who give birth later develop urinary incontinence issues.
Let me shed a little light on the other side. The Christian faith isnt about forcing people to have babies. The difference is that fetuses are seen as human beings, so killing them is seen as homocide. Thats why its such a big deal to to the Christian community. I understand that some don't see it that way, and i don't blame anyone for that, but it still hurts my heart to think of the thousands of abortions every year. People, please just use protection if you don't want a kid.
@@ardet7383 only the ones who get their Bible information in quotes and don't bother reading the whole thing. It states that not alive till able to survive outside the mom on its own. Also in many more places it states not alive until first breath is taken. There is a story in there where God gives a concoction for causing an abortion (kinda hypocritical if he was actually against it). Then in a spelled out example where someone caused the death of a fetus it was straight up explained that the punishment is monetary because it is property until it is actually able to survive outside of mom then it becomes a life taken.
Read the Bible before you claim things that aren't actually in it.
I think I have to say this cause I know how the daughter in the first story felt. Little trigger warning for self harm and suic***.
I had an abortion when I was in my early 20s. My partner and I had recently lost our jobs and had nothing in our name. The condom failed, it didn't broke, it wasn't punctured, it failed. To make matters worse any pregnancy of mine would be considered high risk cause I have a non malignant brain tumor (which is why I cannot use any kind of hormonal birth control). A pregnancy in the worst case would leave me blind.
My family is stupidly pro-birth, a little before I found out I was pregnant my father said (and his words have been tattooed in my mind) "if a woman wants to have an abortion, she should kill herself. If she wants to end a life she should end her own".
I wonder what would my dad feel if he knew that he's dream almost came true. The day I found out I was pregnant I almost threw myself from a 15 story building. A guy that was passing by saw me and stopped me, I was so embarrassed that I just run away. I couldn't even thanked him. I just ran.
When I was out of breath I called my partner, now husband, and just asked him to get me an abortion, I didn't tell him why, just that I didn't want to be a mother. In less than a day he had made me an appointment and had gathered the money to do the procedure.
Those pro-birth are not pro-life, cause if they were really prolife they will be protecting and helping the lifes of the ones that are already here, that are alive.
My husband and I have talked with all my cousins, behind the back of all the adults of my family, that if any time they need it we will make the appointment for them and we will pay for everything without asking any question. We even have the money saved.
That sensation of being trapped is the worst feeling I have ever felt and I don't one that any of the girls in my life to feel it, never.
You are absolutely amazing for making sure your cousins have someone to come to. I hope life is treating you kindly.
I'm pro life, I would be fine with an abortion in your specific case, it would cause brain damage, no one should subject themself to brain damage.
No hard feelings intended for you but; Your father is an idiot if he sticks to his stance in regard to medical complications such as yours.
@@AxodusTo make it clear you have no opinion as when another person has an abortion
Glad things worked out for you. I'm pro-life if the reason for wanting an abortion is "I just don't want a kid" or similar, but in circumstances where the health of the mother is at risk, such as in your case, it's almost always the best option. Hope all is well.
@@enurii "To make it clear", I actually do have an opinion, it's just not one you agree with, you refusing to accept that reality doesn't affect me.
Not sure why you replied in such a hostile manner.
That first story is sad. She really can't see how she is the bad guy. I hope that family is doing better without her.
She’s still going on and on in r/prolife whining about it like she’s the victim 🥴
Of course she doesn't see how she's the bad person, because she's the holy and righteous "pro-life" person and the rest of her family are evil pro-choicers who want to "murder babies." There's just no reasoning with people who think like this.
@@mscookie3613 of course she is.
How is she wrong for being against baby murder?
@@gabeamorello6679 She's not wrong for that. Everyone has their own opinion about that. It's about how controlling and nagging she is. OP's daughter is an adult and has the right to make her own choices without anyone breathing down her neck
As a student in Arizona state, I cant be mad at the first OP if she got in to an Ivy League school. The stuff that's going on here is wild
This is always my favorite sub because I love the satisfaction of actually getting updates with these stories.
Yea
Fricken same! I get so invested then hear nothing further and I'm like NOOOO I must know! I'm a nosey brat please!
@@deadonarrivalgirl9785 Lol
First story: Hey, OP, I don't know if you know this, but embryos aren't babies. Embroys don't become fetuses until the end of the 10th week of pregnancy. If OP's daughter was on her 10th week, not her 11th, it means the baby was still an embryo and therefore the abortion didn't "kill it." Her continuously saying that her daughter killed a baby, calling her daughter a baby killer, is pissing me off
As someone who’s partner also asked to open the relationship because he hadn’t been with anyone else all I can say is run fast and far
Every time a story about "opening the relationship" comes up, it frustrates me on a personal level. As someone who is polyamorous, these people continue to contribute to the perception of "open relationships are just excuses to cheat on the other". And in their case, it's true, usually they just want to justify cheating on their partner.
True open relationships are established at the start, with both parties consenting and establishing proper rules and a code of conduct. It can't be one-sided, mutual respect and honest communication are absolutely key.
My boyfriend is the opposite to me - he's demisexual and very much exclusive, so we've entered a monogamous relationship, and I would never even dream of suggesting an open relationship. Even if he would agree, it'd be only to please me, and he would feel horrible all the while, and I don't ever want to make him feel that way.
Exactly what I've been saying in the comments! A proper open relationship needs to be communicated from the start, or better even, before it becomes a relationship in the first place! Just so expectations are clear and nobody gets hurt.
I just want to say I'm Asexual, and I don't speak for your boyfriend of course, but I would feel very comfy in an poly relationship, or even an open one! Sex isn't important to me or something I want to be involved in, so to me it's like a hobby that they do separately from me, if that makes any sense. To me, a polycule seems perfect. But that would require dating and I'm too lazy for that shit 🤣
This entire situation makes them both look bad tbh. But it’s clear the boyfriend wasn’t looking to be poly. He was just not ready for commitment
I'm a monogamous gal at heart, I find loving one partner strongly to be very comfortable for me. I do hope you are happy with the monogamous lifestyle however, though it seems like you are so thats good!
this is exactly yes. this is why i always say that i'm polyamorous, strictly, i can't just do one partner, i get way too bored, and my needs are way too broad for one partner to fulfill, even if one partner could, i get sick of the same thing 24/7, the same people/person. my general rules are "do anything as long as i'm aware"; date whoever, have friends with benefits, any of that, just as long as i'm told when you're thinking about it, planning it, and if it happens. honestly the thing that would make me happiest is if my partner was thinking about dating someone else, or having fun or something and told me by texting me all excited about someone new, that would make me ecstatic because i know they're happy, getting their needs met, and still keeping me in the loop, and then they get to let their emotions out too : ) win win! it's why i love polyamory, but when people do it wrong, they get it so wrong, and it just really gives us poly people and bad rep.
when you have a kid, that's your responsibility for the rest of your life even after the kid is 18. For someone so devoted to family and "unconditional love" she's pretty quick to drop kicking them the moment they stray from her values, and that love seems very conditional. The care for the baby drops significantly when its actually born in a lot of these kinds of situations
---
Well the "responsibility after they turn 18-years old" is bit a vague phrase.
Yes, they're still the (hopefully not disowned) offspring.
But otherwise, "helicoptering" over them is certainly (hopefully) no longer needed for the most part (or to begin with).
---
@@PaveMentman I don't mean nagging on them forever but I mean, that's your kid, you made them and as their parent you do need to be there as a safety net, its not like you can dump them to the curb the moment they become an adult
Did you notice that she kept offering options, and it was her family that shut her down? She said she’d adopt the kid, and the daughter said “Get over it. I’m killing the kid.”
@@MemBirdman the offer felt very hollow and very pressuring on the mom’s part since again, she was pretty quick to drop her entire family over this one issue, so what’s to stop her from doing the same thing with this baby. The fact it keeps being referred to as “killing/murder” is also extremely manipulative
Well hey there TC! Didnt expect to see you around these parts lol
I'm going to say the thing I say to my own daughter. I'm your Mom. My job is to love you. I don't have to like you, I don't have to like what you say, what you do or what you want. Liking you is not my job. Loving you, supporting you, encouraging you, THAT is my job. When we have disagreements, it's ok. We don't have to agree. As long as we respect that we have equal rights to believe whatever we believe. We have the right to choose what we want, what we do and as long as we are willing to deal with the consequences of those choices we are good.
To be a parent is a job. If my kid doesn't want that job, that's her choice. I don't have to like it. I don't have to support it. I have to Love her and accept it. That is my job as Mom.
Baller parent
Metal asf 🤘
7:48 pro CHOICE. The mom is Pro life, everyone else is pro choice. Big distinction there, in case no one knows what those are
I really agree with rslash's last statement. He legit was ready to toss an entire relationship just because he was handed a phone number, he was never truly in it to begin with.
He wasn’t tho. He asked a question and he was fully okay with the answer no.
@@berenxoxo1165 If your partner isn't into an open relationship then asking AFTER you are engaged is ready to toss an entire relationship. How little does someone care about another to not know that asking something like that, that far into a relationship is going to be acceptable or not.
Besides which, I know many people who were hit on while in a relationship who since they actually cared about their partner and were loyal told the interloper to kick rocks that their advances weren't appreciated.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings He didn't know she wasn't into an open relationship. How would he know without asking? Read her mind? I feel like she overreacted here. Also, rslash's last statement wasn't about the guy being willing to throw away an entire relationship. It was about how the girl was willing to throw away everything over her jealousy and insecurity about one girl asking for her boyfriend's number.
Instead of cheating on her the guy was upfront about his insecurities and she called that bullshit, and when he showed his vulnerable and emotional side, she called him disgusting. The only disgusting person in that story was her and her pettiness and insecurities.
@@tehdarkswordsman6863 I don't think open relationships are very common in any cultures right now. The norm is monogamy, so if it isn't what you want, you should really discuss your expectations of a relationship very early on. Closed relationships don't often become open relationships
@@SoManyRandomRamblings The guy didn't KNOW that he might have been into it until after he was engaged. He brought up the question and instead of a yes or no, she was like "lets burn everything down"
Story 2: that relationship is over. OP needs to bounce.
Edit: I disagree that this wasn't a happy update. She may be sad now but she needs tonrealize what a GIGANTIC favor he just did for her.
It may not be the ending OP hoped for but in the long run it would be. I don’t think fiancé would drop the subject or if he did he would just cheat. Even if he wouldn’t OP could never trust him. She deserves better. If he does come crawl back to her I hope she has enough respect for herself to say no
My husband is my first real relationship, and I never felt the need to explore anything before we got married. Sure, I felt like I might've MAYBE missed out on more experience, but I was absurdly happy enough in my relationship to not feel any need to change that before we tied the knot. So IMO, that second story fiancé was stupid.
ANY reason a woman has for not wanting to be pregnant, is valid. Whether you like it or not.
“Don’t want stretchmarks” is a completely valid reason.
Why do you believe that? Is it because you think that the woman is superior to the fetus somehow? Because evolutionarily speaking all life is equal
@Советский коммунист КГБ шпион fetus is not alive. It had no higher brain function at that time. We can go somewhere off life support because they don't have higher brain function. When fetuses don't have higher brain function than alive. And yes, a living breathing actual human being what comes out is no different than what comes out in any other menstrual cycle.
Edit and for you to bring Evolution into it just stupid. Evolutionary, it's more important for the mother to survive than a fetus. That's why animals can abort their babies.
@Sier Notsruht Because it's her body, not anyone else's. YOU can choose not to abort, but you have no right to take away anyone else's choice because you don't like it. Same goes for gay rights, premarital sex, and whatever else you believe some vengeful God will punish.
@@SierNotsruht
Yes, a woman is far more important than a fetus.
This is not just one clown.... But an entire circus up in here.
My question in the 1st story for OP is what about the ex boyfriend of taking responsibility of the action? I do not even see anything OP even talking about him
It's because OP is a narcissist. Why chase down the father when the mother is the one who is bearing her grandchild?
Don't you know? When a woman gets pregnant, it's all her responsibility! Afterall we all know making a baby just requires the woman and nothing else right?
On a serious note, I find pro life so funny because the arguments stop after the child is born. They have no problem with families being separated at the border, children being made homeless when their parents dislike them or their life choices and other horrible stuff. All that matters is the small bundle of cells that cannot even breathe on it's own yet and doesn't even resemble a child.
I could also say the daughter is taking responsibility and no one should blame her for going this route. Think about it. If she had decided to keep it, she would have been in the worst situation later. Granted this is an assumption. It's also a possibility the ex boyfriend would want to see his kid or do something else in worst way.
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
@@cameronpetersen5763 Now I don't know what to say for that 1 since I don't know at all for that situation. However it reminds me that men should be allowed to have a paternity test. For things like if babies have been switched and to be extra sure their baby is his. Since we all know raising a child that is not even yours and you thought it was is beyond worse. Of course from that other story rslash read (they did sue the hospital if im correct) where both parents found out their child is not even theirs, no other words to describe that
Pifftt my ex said the same shit- he was crying saying he has only been in relationships and he doesn’t know how to be single and all that bs. We broke up and he immediately turned around and started dating someone else and now they are married. I wish her the best of luck. We weren’t meant for each other. I’m happily married with a baby now too so no love lost there.
From personal experience if you're afraid of commitment because "you haven't experinced that much" then you're not ready for a relationship, it's good they broke up.
I'm so baffled that the mom is surprised that all four of her daughters are pro choice
She sounds like the only reason she's pissed is because her daughters didn't turn out to be perfect clones of herself.
@@dx1450 or she’s pissed because her grand child is dead
kudos to killing 👶 🔪 🗡
@@jbdagoat4109
Then the proper course of action is to process her grief in whatever way she needs to. But instead, she chose to badger, insult, and attempt to control her daughter, who is an adult and made an adult decision, and now risks losing her too.
@@TaxHunter97 Considering the fact that her younger daughters appear more emotionally mature than their own mother, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up not meeting a single grandchild she might have in the future... .
Yeah, 9 times out of 10 when someone asks for an open relationship, it means they’ve picked a pony from the herd, and if they ain’t riding it yet, they’ve pulled the saddle out of the barn.
thats a good way to put it!!
Indeed, it's one thing to be okay with an open relationship from the beginning, it's another thing to request a closed relationship to open. The instant the latter event were to ever happen with me? I would punch out and say, "Okay hon', have fun with whomever you chose. I'll pack my bags and see you later."
@@DesertRainReads its not as clearcut as you make it sound - social norms and limitations often put people on the path of monoamory and expect them to stay there even if people discover they might actually be polyamorous during a relationship - as long they communicate cleary and honestly about it (which op's fiancee did) it should be at least something that can be discussed with your parter - esp with all the reassurence the fiancee brought into the discussion....
@@marcelcwertetschka you put this very well, you should put this into a comment that’s not a reply so more people can see it!
"temporary inconvenience of pregnancy" lmao right there's nothing temporary about pregnancy
Mine only lasted 9 months. You still have yours?
@@mariposa9506 So your body immediately went back to normal after giving birth? No bleeding, no hormonal shifts, no full-body aches, no diabetes, no depression, no weight gain, no bleeding gums, no teeth falling out, no drooping breasts, no hair falling out, no varicose veins, no hemorrhoids, no diastasis recti abdominis, no heavy periods, no tearing in the birth canal or C-section scars (depending on how the birth went)?
@@SentaiYamaneko What the hell kind of pregnancy did you have if you've got teeth falling out?
@@avashnea
It's actually a very common side effect of both pregnancy and breast feeding. A fetus needs a ton of calcium, and if there isn't enough in the mother's diet, the body will take it from the bones, including the teeth.
Moral of the story, if you have a pregnant friend or family member, make sure they're getting lots of calcium and protein.
the prolife/prochioice story - the mom is saying that once you have a kid you have to care for them, feed them, clothe them, pay for childcare, extra dr appointments for yourself and the child, taking time off work to do those things, missing work due to sickness of child etc - the daughter has made it clear that she doesn't want that life, she doesnt want to be tied down that way. so how is OP caring for her child by forcing a child onto the daughter that will make her miserable.
Many parents here are like that where they want their kid to get the life they want them to have, even if is not what they want.
Imagine throwing a human life away because you don't want to be inconvenienced
@@boogaloobender3462 it's a lot more than being 'inconvenienced' - pregnancy is hard on it's own, and assuming there are no complication, a person can still have lasting effects to their body. Nerve damage, problems with the joints around your hips, dental issues are a big one. all that on top of having to deal with the challenges of being a parent. mental emotional and financial. And that isn't even looking at the fact that science has found that until about half way through the pregnancy, the fetus has the same brain function as someone declared to be brain dead, someone who's family is asked to make the choice to keep life support or let them go. No one has a problem with that in our society.
I don't get why people are so focused on it being a human life. Like, an octopus's arm has more intelligence than a fetus, yet people eat calamari. That's not even hyperbole, octopus arms have personalities, and have been known to fight arms they don't like and continue to function after being removed. Ducks are more intelligent than a new born baby! But duck hunting is okay. My point is it's a double standard, and at some point you have to weigh the well being of something that isn't as intelligent as a duck vs a woman's (sometimes a child's) well being. Most people would kill a duck to save a woman. Why is the fetus any different?
@boogaloobender3462 so if you don't like the idea of abortion than all males at birth will give a DNA sample. This way they can be hunted down forced to pay child support
My current relationship is also my first real relationship I've had, but I love him so much that I couldn't even conceive of being with someone else. That guy was at best a flight risk and probably already cheated/was going to cheat. No way that relationship would last. When you find the one you dont need to experiment with anyone else.
At first I assumed it was just that OP's fiance was just getting a case of cold feet and fomo, which are entirely plausible and understandable feelings before marriage when you're young. But the fact that they only got those feelings from somebody else hitting on them rather than just coming out of nowhere tells me it was more a case of them regretting the idea of being exclusive than anything else.
I hope everyone enjoyed their thanksgiving! Please stay safe everyone and enjoy your week!
As well as you bud.
You too! Happy Thanksgiving and Holidays to you and yours!
Thanks you to.
You too! But what is thanksgiving?
Same to you!
1st story: if a 14 year old girl can say "I wouldn't get one personally, but I respect her decision" then some sort of parenting was right. Maybe it was the father, maybe it was outside influence. Either way, those girls showed very level headedness in a very heated topic
Yes! She has her own boundaries and morals, but acknowledges and respects that not everyone has the same. Parenting done absolutely right!
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
@@cameronpetersen5763 I know that we live in a time of equality, but pregnancy and childbirth is NOT equal and never can. The decision to have a child should always be with the mother only because of the toll of pregnancy and childbirth. Men cannot have the right to just walk away consequence free. If they don't want to raise the child or be in it's life that is the mans right, but he has to pay financial support. He helped create the child and that is his responsibility, the woman's is whether or not the baby is born. If the baby is born then BOTH parents are responsible- even if only financially, unless the child is adopted by another party of course.
@@cameronpetersen5763 I fully agree. If the father does not want the child, and does not want any part in the child's life, then they should not have to pay child support. Keeping the father in the picture in that situation can only lead to resentment.
In some situations and places this can happen. It's unfortunately somewhat rare, but some parents are able to sign away parental rights and don't have to pay child support. The laws should be worked around to make the process of this easier.
@@cezra833 But it's the womans choice to give birth and have that child. Why should the father be forced to be attached to that child if it's the mother's choice to give birth?
Personally, I fully believe that if the man wants nothing to do with the child, then they shouldn't have to pay child support. However, if theh do want to see the kid, then they should pay.
Story one: this mom is horrible. She's not standing by her daughters tough decision and is actively making her life more difficult. I'm happy the daughter is able to talk about her abortion publicly, but to be criticized like that by her own mom? So rude
Story 2: as a non monogamous person, I ask what the boundaries are at the beginning of each relationship. And here's the shocker: I respect the rules. I've been cheated on, even after offering to open the relationship and bring refused. I'm currently in an open relationship where we made the rules right away. The guy totally cheated in this story
So you're a cheater then?
@@SierNotsruht Polyamory =/= cheating. Poly people have relationship rules. Cheaters do not. Poly people can get cheated on. If you're going to talk shit about poly people, get off this channel. Because rslash does talk positively about polyam people and will bring that up as a possibility.
That first story is how you get a daughter to never love you again
At least I hope the baby knows he/she was loved by a grandparent. Rest in peace.
@@Lulu-xl5cm the baby would of grown up in a horrid horrid broken world with a grandparent that insulted its mom and told her she wouldnonly love her if she was catholic
Thats no life at all.
@@talonqueenzulia313 or the child could find the cure for cancer. See?
@@Lulu-xl5cm Not being raised by catholic cultists like that
@@talonqueenzulia313 fax also why would you want to be raised by her she’s so controlling
I appreciate you not reading that first story in the entitled voice even though you disagree with her opinion. It was nice to hear the whole story before the judgment. This is why I like listening to you and your channel 😊
I'm pretty sure he'd lose his voice if he did it anyway
@@jam2727 kinda hopping onto this comment to say that i think that was an explicit reason he pointed out with one story he read through from either EP, AITA, or CB with an entitled woman demanding the best of the best at disney world right around the start or height of covid and then getting called crazy by her husband
@@Riftdancer527 Yeah, he can't keep it up for the long ones. Still, I think it came across better. We can make our own judgments on her actions. Mine are fairly mixed, gotta say.
I don't think it was right of him to call "pro-life" a "trigger warning" though...I'm all but certain he would not have called pro-choice a trigger warning.
@@JohnSmith-zw8vp sir unless you've been living under a rock for a good several years (in which case make some room) that debate between pro-choice and pro-life has been as tilting as anything else political here in the USA frankly i cant blame Rslash for saying it lest it cause a war within the comment section to begin with
My partner and I have had a clear deal breaker since the start of our relationship and that's asking for an open relationship/introducing a third. For us monogamy is important and even asking to change that would break the trust. I feel all relationships need to have that conversation at the beginning, not at the engagement. Open relationships should come from trust and communication not because one is scared about "inexperience".
Agreed. If you want an "open relationship" because of FOMO, you're not ready for the commitment of marriage. (I put open relationship in quotes because the fantasy they are pursuing in those circumstances isn't the true spirit of open relationships or polyamory in general.)
monogamy as a concept is ideally romantic but idiotic in actuality. Is it a valid thing to want in a relationship, yes. does it create long lasting relationships in modern society, no. Monogamy was created to keep women innocent and loyal to men, while when historically men did what they wanted. Nowadays, as we shun subserviency and promote autonomy, I personally believe Monogamy is a dated concept. I personally don't believe that sex means love, I mean just ask a sex worker if they believe that it does or people who have lived outside of western society for a long enough time. The only way for Monogamy to work is if both parties believe that sex means love or that both people actually stay in love with each other, which statistically is 40-50% of married people don't in the US, which is about 30 million people.
@@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon agree 100% beautifully put!
As a Polyamorous person, who would never be comfortable in a monogamous relationship, I respect your comment a lot.
The key is communication FROM THE START. Everyone has to CLEARLY and openly state what they want, and what their expectations for the relationship are. From the get go.
For me, Polyamory is very important, and I would never willingly accept to be in a strictly monogamous relationship. So I make that clear to everyone I know as soon as I can.
Of course, people are allowed to change minds. I feel like OP’s husband was entitled to feel the way he felt. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come free of consequence. He went about it in the worst possible way. He likely probably knew the way OP would react to it, and when OP reacted the way she did (which to me was a little much, but she was also 100% entitled to such a reaction) he tried backpedalling and gaslighting her into believing everything was okay, when it clearly wasn’t.
@@OnePeopleOnelife I agree, but we can divorce the concept of monogamy from its history. Especially with the option of divorce, monogamy is as much of a trap as it use to be
I am a Mexican who was raised Catholic so the first story already struck an immediate nerve. The gaslighting, the hypocrisy, the guilting, oh I’ve heard it all “in the name of our Lord” with the line “it’s my way or the highway”. I had no wiggle room to be my own person, just this imaginary perfect child my mom and aunts wanted me to be, like what OP is doing with her entire family. Which is why the best event in my life so far was when I moved out, and as far away as I could.
Glad you got away, Viper. Hope your life and day is going well ❤️.
Estoy en la misma situación. A punto de mudarme e irme alv
I mean abortion is still wrong and posting it on social media is kind of disgusting.
She discarded a baby because of a failed relationship. It's gross. This world is so messed up. How many innocent babies are thrown away every day? My heart goes out to these poor souls.
@@ollehkacb shut up, you're wrong!
Story one: OP is an absolute narcissist, all of that post is about her. No part of it takes anyone else into account including using her faith as a cudgel to get others to conform to her mental picture of how things should be.
1st story, I am born, raised and a practicing catholic in a country with no divorce and bans abortion, and I totally agree with rslash. OP is so overbearing and forcing her own values to her family! She's thinking that her values is the law in the household.
@@cameronpetersen5763 No matter how many threads you copy/paste that in, it doesn't make it reasonable. Knock it off.
@@Nekulturny How is it it unreasonable? Woman are allowed to throw away responsibility but not men?? What happened to equality???
@@zanyraccoon6361 women these days don't want equality, they want supremacy. They want to be able to screw around with every dude in town and still be treated like a princess once they get done riding the cock carousel. No such thing as accountability these days, it's like kryptonite to women. I guarantee The guy probably doesn't even know. Wouldn't surprise me, he's a cheating piece of s*** but it still his baby as well. Well. It takes two to make a child and maybe she should have considered if he would have made a good father or not before screwing him
@@zanyraccoon6361 well, it is an iffy situation.
If a woman is keeping it and needs support but a man ditches, well she'll struggle in someway to raise, some worse than others, and she can't force someone to stay and help raise if they ditch, so the least they could do is at least pay child support.
But yet it is a bad situation for a man, not wanting any part only to still end up paying in the end if she keeps it.
At least that's my thoughts, I'm not too in-depth about such a situation since I haven't gotten into such a topic, and merely just guessing viewpoints.
@@zanyraccoon6361 Men don't get to force an abortion, because it's not their body that's being risked by that medical procedure. If you don't want the responsibility, don't het someone pregnant.
I rolled my eyes so hard all the way through the first story. Whether OP likes it or not, most of OP's family is pro-choice. They make choices for the betterment of their own lives and they each have their own personal values.
Edit: holy shit i opened this thread with 13 replies expecting to see a typical CZcams free for all where everyone is being rude and nasty. So glad that’s not the case. Im personally Pro-choice but im glad some people are actually able to talk about their opposing opinions in a healthy way. Very refreshing
I agree, though I can understand her feeling of being lost. Considering the background, it's gonna be quite a shock when her entire family goes against a core concept of their faith. But life is filled with choices, this is just one in a sea of choices. I personally don't agree with the daughter's choice which doesn't mean I am gonna force it down her. throat. From my perspective, it's a sin but I have no right to judge since that's what God has said, judgement is the lord's alone. Eh, I could be a weirdo but that's my 2 cents
@@bamgm14 I don't share your views, but yours is, IMHO, the healthy way of approaching a moral cunundrum and a disagreement in choices and moral views.
@@SidereusOfTheFallen I won't lie, I was half expecting to be flamed. Your answer was a breath of fresh air, yes, completely agree, opinions are our own, we should not force it on others. Thank you for this, my faith in humanity has been given life once more XD
@@bamgm14 People like you are so rare these days. Even if we might be seen as on different sides, I think recognising sensible and emotionally mature people is incredibly important. I myself sometimes felt like no one could get past their own tinted glasses and felt so alone, I want others to know true acceptance is not dead.
@@cameronpetersen5763 Nope, not how that works. Men aren't the ones that get pregnant, have to carry a fetus to term for 9 months with all the health issues and risks that entails, not to mention all of the financial burden of a pregnancy. Especially in America where so called pro-lifers strongly resist universal healthcare.
I absolutely divorced myself from being Catholic for reasons almost identical to the first story. "We're Catholic, we don't [get divorced and have abortions]" and I thought it was bs that some fandom was dictating how I should live my life!
My experience with looking to open our relationship is a little different. When me and my husband were married for two years, I talked about opening the relationship. I didn't realise it at the time but I probably had post natal depression. I wasn't sexually attracted to my husband but I felt bad turning down sex. And it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex at all, I just didn't want him (it's a happy ending. We've been married ten years and I've never been happier).
I didn't have anyone in mind but I can't say I've never fancied anyone else. Even people in happy, monogamous relationships can look.
After some discussion he agreed but the first time I told him that I had met someone that I was considering having sex with he realised that it wasn't something he wanted and that it broke his heart to imagine me with someone else. I messaged the guy to tell him I wouldn't be seeing him and blocked him and that was the end of that. I've never cheated and I wouldn't. Afterwards, I asked him if he'd be able to move past this. I hadn't done more than text the other person. He said that since that was the case, he was okay with it and we've never looked back. He trusts me and I trust him.
That being said, OP definitely had to leave in that situation. If she couldn't trust him, even if he hadn't done anything yet, then the relationship was never going to survive.
Situations aren't always as black and white as we make them out to be, although that's the nature of reddit.
Sorry this was long, I just suddenly felt the need to get this off my chest
Thank you. Valuable perspective.
I had a similar situation where I had never considered an open relationship prior to marrying my wife simply because I had never heard of the concept.
I had been married for years and had wanted to flirt and more with other people, all the while thinking that I was a horrible person for even being attracted to anyone other than my wife. I thought I just had to ignore those feelings and the feeling of something missing in my life. Then one day I learned about open relationships. I learned that there was an option other than monogamy or cheating. I dove into learning about this lifestyle and it was like finding a piece of myself I didn’t realize I had lost. I excitedly spoke with my wife about what I had found. We decided to try opening our marriage to see how it felt. I went on a few dates, although there was never anything physical while my wife had a short relationship with a coworker. I was always excited when she came how to hear how things were going, but she didn’t seem as excited when I returned home. When we spoke about this, she said she just wasn’t as excited about trying to date others as she didn’t think she’d find someone who made her happy like I did. (She’s so sweet!) We had several more conversations and I broke things off with the woman I had been going out with.
After we went back to a closed relationship, things were much easier for me since I didn’t feel like I had some ‘broken’ part of me trying to get me to cheat, but rather I just had a part of me that was different from my wife. Knowing that, it was easy to choose monogamy since my wife was, and always had been, the most important person to me. Dating others was fun and exciting, but my marriage was more important by far.
In short, being able to choose felt like the difference between hugging someone because you want to versus hugging someone because you feel forced to. Either way the physical act is the same, but the element of choice makes all the difference. I no longer feel tormented by the desire to date others. I just know that for this part of my life I’m monogamous. Maybe later that will change, maybe it won’t. Either way I’m happy and so is my wife.
@@orangutantapioca1530 That's a very good story. To me, it seems very similar to when I was diagnosed with chronic (invisible) illnesses. I had the reassurance that no, I'm not crazy, this is a thing, and I was able to make informed choices with my understanding of how my situation was different than some random everyman. As you said, it made things SO much easier to navigate and, like you, I realized I didn't have to hate myself for operating differently, so long as I do it with integrity and my best effort.
@@orangutantapioca1530 that's so lovely and I know exactly the feeling you mean
Yeah, this relationship wasn't working. No way. If she lost trust that fast, she didn't trust him anyway. He shoulda brought this up way earlier, and told the truth, but this relationship was doomed to fail.
The husband and kids of the first story deserves some props imo. To be able to stand tall and firm in these circumstances cant be easy.
I know right? They did the right thing! The mother was so crazy. Even I don’t want my own children!
Indeed, and I love how she just glossed over the baby daddy cheating on her. It wasn't just about wanting to stay at her dream school and stretch marks.
Not enough data. If they agreed as parents on a moral standard and then didn't follow it the husband may be the problem not the wife, as for the kids it is on the parents to instill values so can't blame them. From the kids perspective it wasn't murder, from hers it was. If your daughter suddenly wanted to kill her 8 year old because she found out her husband cheated on her and she wanted to stay in the college she was in you would call her a monster. It is a matter of both perspective, and what you call a human.
@@75ur15 ffs an already born child with a whole 8 years of life is not the same as a mass of cells that still hasn’t even been born, has no heartbeat or a developed brain 🙄 it’s so crazy how you can even think the 2 situations would be comparable at all
@@75ur15 Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. The issue become when you try to force your opinion and ideas on to someone else, even if they are a relative of yours. At the end of the day the choice to have a child belongs to the one who would have had to carry that child, period. The girl felt that she, for whatever the reason, wasn't ready to have a child. The mother can feel hurt and not agree with what her daughter did. If she chooses that to be the 'hill to die on' thats on her...is her feelings. I don't think they are necessarily wrong, however I don't think that they (her feeling) need to be 'pushed' onto other people.
Second story: To the fiancé, tell me you're not ready to settle down without saying it directly 🤷🏽♀️ not even in a bad way, better to feel that and bring it up now than force it and end up hurting OP later on
story 1- the mom needs to butt out. Lily wants an abortion so that's her choice!! It's not murder, and it's her body!! I think I would be great friends with Lily and the part of her family that is sane and understand that Lily has rights lol. It's just a clump of cells, no need to be hysterical over a pregnancy that wasn't even the mom's.
There's a lot to say about that first story, but the thing that I wish someone had answered op with when she asked "what will you tell your future children??" was that they probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the abortion??
How hard is it for single mom's to date (especially while in school)? To have or even want more kids later in life? If she didn't get to get the degree she wanted then she might have been looking at a much more stressful job, on top of raising a child (even with mom's help) and even if she did get married a stressful busy life does not equal more kids!
And if mom had adopted the kid? TRUST me that leads to SO many problems on the kid's end "why didn't mom want me?" "Why does she love her new kids more/spend more time on them?" Their relationship with their half siblings is even more messed up, are they siblings or cousins? Should we even have a good relationship? Why do they call my mom grandma? I've seen this happen to 3 separate kids, it never works out well for the original child.
So the conversation with (if it should even come up) with the future children is, "mommy wasn't in a position to have children, while I would've been ok and taken care of I wouldn't have been happy. I wouldn't've been in the right head space and the baby wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't've met your father! I wouldn't have you to love and raise and care for! I lived my life the way I thought was best" and go from there
Edit: I want to clarify that single moms do often find partners, have more kids, and have wonderful lives! But this would've been a valid answer to her particular situation
Story 1: you'd think a woman who's had so many kids would be aware of potential long term effects a pregnancy can have on a woman's body, and wouldn't think of it as "temporary inconvinience"
ones like her donit cause it didn't happen to them so they downplay the possibility as either the chances of it happening are next to zero or are completely overblown from what really happens.
Or they view it as a blessing. The only reason my SIL stopped having kids is the doctors pretty much told her if she had another, she could potentially die in childbirth.
It sincerely sounds like the mom is bitter that she didn't have, or feel like she had, the option to not have half a dozen kids, is in sincere denial about it, and trying to tear down her kid for making choices she herself couldn't get out of. Crabs in a bucket type of situation.
If I had to be miserable and play the role of happy doting Good Christian Mother, then so do you.
It's still murder, though.
There's such a thing as justified murder
Last story: I can get having an open relationship at the beginning because nothing's happened yet, but how stupid do you have to be the ask for that when you are engaged. Then because he didn't want to deal with OP's feelings he tried to get her to forget he said anything, as if that's possible.
Since the wedding was mentioned to take place in March, deposits had likely been paid for venues. Doubt he’ll reimburse
As someone who does not want to be in any kind of monogamous relationship it hurts quite a bit the rep we get because of situations like this one, if a relationship is failing opening it up is not a solution, you require a lot of active comunication and trust in any healthy relationship,and some may argue on an open one even more. So yeah, this stories that get posted on reddit of course are destined to fail, because they already had profund problems and instead of working on them they just patch it up with a new dinamic, just like other generations did with babys, and we all know how that turned out. An open relationship is not a quick fix, it's something that needs a solid fundation and to be actively cared for, and this goes as any type relationship imo, but if you're still figuring it out it just makes sense that it'll take even more effort. So in conclusion, just don't add things to worry about on top of your problems, it's okay to be scared at them, but look them in the face or you're just making things harder for yourself
Honestly, the last story's... hard for me to quite explain my thoughts on. Obviously, for the individuals, it was the wrong choice.
But... why was it the wrong choice? Because they have this weird societal view that relationships are built on "passionate hugging".
This is my core, personal issue with just about every view on relationships - If your relationship is entirely built on only having "passionate hugging" with each other, odds are VERY good that your relationship is going to fail, because that's... not what's important in a relationship.
It's why my views on things like LGBTQ marriages, etc. are just like "why would anyone have any sort of issue with a man marrying another man?" etc. - Because honestly? A happy life-long emotional bond shouldn't even be based on whether or not you "passionately hug", but rather, whether or not you enjoy each other's companies, agree on views, share hobbies, etc. etc.
I could honestly see myself having a life-long bond with another man despite being a hyper-straight male, simply because IMHO? Emotions and physical attraction are 2 completely different things.
There are MANY women that I'd totally "passionately hug" that I'd want literally nothing to do with emotionally. That I'd never want to live with, to be financially attached to, to raise children with, etc.
...and at the same time, there's MANY men and women in my life or in the world that I'd gladly have that kind of serious emotional attachment with, regardless of whether or not we did anything physically at any point.
Because, simply put, I find human society's views on relationships extremely flawed in almost every way.
Who do you have a more serious bond with? Your childhood friend you've hung out with your entire life, who enjoys pretty much all the same stuff you do, who you're now business partners with... or that chick you go on a date with once/week and spend an hour passionately hugging?
Think about that. Like, seriously think about that. There's a reason marriages fail so often. Not because people are unfaithful or w/e, but... because the very basis of how we decide relationships is flawed.
I'd rather live with, and spend the rest of my life with, someone who I legitimately enjoy being around on a moment to moment basis, rather than someone I enjoy passionately hugging and that's about it, we maybe compromise on some things, agree on a couple things, perhaps share a single interest... but that person I'm passionately hugging for the past year? They can't finish my sentences, they can't buy me the literal perfect gemstone I've been interested in for my entire life, they can't jump on CoD with me and wreck a lobby together. Not like my life-long best friend can.
And... that's my point right there. Why do people throw away their amazing, real, enjoyable relationships with people they've been friends with for 20 years, just to have a "relationship" with someone who they enjoy the bottom half of?
Honestly? I agree with everything you just said. I'm ACE so I guess not having sexual attraction to anyone and not wanting anything to do with that kind of thing really opened up the possibilities to get the perfect relationship.
My wife and I are absolute best friends and we don't do the whole passionate hugging thing because neither of us have any interest.. but we hang out, play games, and can confide in each other about anything and everything. I've never wanted for more, and I wish more people could experience that kind of happiness
I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship, the idea just never made sense to me. Why would I want to spend my life with this person at all?
You can definitely have relationships like that; I've seen it and those relationships can be happy and fulfilling, hell I've seen aro/ace or aro and ace people in perfectly fulfilling relationships either platonically, sexually, both or none at all, but you also have to realise that people are different and not everyone wants the same thing as you. Do not go down the same road as those who you are clearly criticising of being narrow-minded.
To call someone a person dates or is married to as just someone they go on a date with once/week and spend an hour passionately hugging and that's about it is quite condescending. People spend months and years getting to know more about each other not just romantically but personally and emotionally while dating and even after marriage. I can even go as far as saying a lot of relationships begin from the friendship route, that was how mine started and even though we are not together any more we are still friends. This is not to say that there are no shallow relationships/marriages out there but to brush it with such a broad stroke is small minded.
As for the OP in the last post, She did not just decide to throw away her relationship, she talked about actually considering his proposal until she was prompted by the commenters to ask him and dig into the real reason he decided to ask for it, he lied multiple times until she kept pushing him into finally telling the truth, which is he decide to open it not because he wanted more experience and to experiment sexually as he said, but because of his crush. She left because he lied.
Although IMO, even if he did not lie, people are perfectly allowed to remove themselves out of situations they decide they cannot live in any more. It is better for everyone involved than deciding to put themselves through that which might or might not lead to resentment. Everyone as well as you I'm sure have their boundaries and limits on what they can or cannot endure in a relationship.
Really classy of the coffee shop girl they both interact with to slide her number over to him when she's not there, knowing he's with someone. Good thing OP saw this side of him before they got married.
Women want men who already are taken by someone else. Women typically are not attracted to men with no options.
Story 1: OPs offer of adopting the baby so that Lily can stay in school is so... empty. I don't doubt that she hoped if Lily gave birth then her "motherly instincts" would kick in and everything will be okay. If not then that baby would have been used as a tool for guilt tripping and manipulation. Not to mention the resentment that would be brewing from both sides and OP will be stuck with another baby for the next 18+ years wondering why her daughter never visits her or the baby.
Also, there's no guarantee that either mother or child will survive 9 months anyways. Holding out for hope is stupid.
My mum is 100% convinced I will one day have a sudden urge to be preggers.
I'm ace. I have 0 interest in passionate hugging OR babies.I'm of the opinion that bringing a child into a world that is actively falling apart is a terrible decision and honestly... cruel. I don't want any child having to deal with climate change or the financial nightmare we're in. It wasn't fair when our parents did it, it would be even less fair to any kids we have.
@@JadeAnnabelArt
This! ☝🏻
I'd also add, that I just don't want to deal with the responsibility of signing my life away for 18+ years. So much time and patience goes into raising a kid, time and patience that I simply do not possess.
And having to deal with an actual pregnancy for 9 months? I can barely deal with my cramps each month. Don't get me started on all the risks involved in a pregnancy... it's a nightmare!
My "friend" (who complains about being pregnant and never wants a kid again) still thinks my mind will change after finding the right guy. I also told her plenty of times I don't want a relationship but she obviously knows best. lol
She's not even gonna be a good mother. She's 6 months pregnant and still smokes like there's no tomorrow. Poor kid...
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
@@cameronpetersen5763
omg we get it lmao
I've never hated an OP as much as the OP from story 1. I'm so glad her family turned on her.
Hilarious that OP was "considering" divorce, and then told her husband divorce isn't Catholic. 🤣🤣🤣. Just, peak hypocrisy.
The mother in the first story can cry me a river.
Most empathic redditor ^
@@riotplanet6182 Alice would be one of those folks walking around in a store, not saying anything to anyone and finding it weird when someone says hello to her and smiles.
Bro your daughter is in an IVY LEAGUE school, her future is brighter than most of us reading this post.
8:30 wait... wasn't OP the one that initially wanted a divorce over this? Now that she's getting one, she's complaining?
How in story one the 14 year old can understand the concept of "it's her body and her choice" but the mother is fully ready to throw away her whole family over this.
B/C the 14 year old wasn't "Raised by the Church" the Mother was. In other words, the Mother being raised in the Church of "Do what I said not as I do" is basically the way the Mother is. She is very Old School and that's all she can focus on.
Because Gen Z are on the internet and thus connected to the whole world while growing up. And through this connection to everyone else, they gain a lot of empathy for people and situations not in their immediate vicinity. People around the world share their stories, and other people listen.
The mother’s generation didn’t grow up like that, and way too many of them are so set in their ways that they don’t have any desire to take the same opportunities to listen what other people go through. A lot of gen X grew up as latchkey kids, and so had to focus on themselves instead of others. And many were taught to be emotionally closed off and that vulnerability is bad. So we end up with stuff like this.
It was her choice to have unprotected sex, the baby did not choose to be killed.
Because, yes, it's,the daughter's body, but the child she created is also her responsibility. The daughter sees abortion as her choice while her mother sees it as taking a life you willingly created. And for OP it's taking a life because you feel like it, what per definition would,be murder. It's two valid arguments that clash and while societies can find common grounds, individuals aren't always able to. Both parties chose their hill to die on and now they have to live with the consequences.
@@LilDevyl17 not as I do? But the mother never had an abortion
The last story really hit close to home. My last relationship was with a guy who wanted to be open, and I told him no. He then went behind my back and told everyone we were! He went so far as to cheat on me via dating sites and irl friends we had.
If anyone has a partner who asks to be open(and seems REALLY pushy) be careful.
I know people can be open and healthy and happy, but if your partner is being secretive or quiet before asking about it, be wary.
Arizona resident here for the 1st story: Rslash, no apologies, I can vouch that we have absolute garbage schools. I'm not kidding. One semester in and I'm going to be attending a much better fully online school. Frick you NAU.
rSlash is gonna be an amazing father to his daughter. Just wanted to say this.
YES! I mean, he already *is,* but when she gets old enough to make self-autonomous decisions he's gonna rock it.
Story one: And OP is gonna wonder why her kids never talk to her lol
Honestly kinda wild seeing a story from the perspective of somebody in the wrong, especially on r/bestof (not where the post originated of course but yknow) The mother needs to get over the fact that it isn't HER child or HER choice or HER body and life that could possibly be ruined (no matter what help she offered, there's still so many ways the child and the mother's life could be ruined)
I'm somebody who never wants to have kids in my entire life, because I know that if I do I will most likely not be able to care for them properly and I'm not afraid to admit that. I simply don't have the mental capability to care for another child, and any that I possibly have would be set up for failure even if I chose to put them into the system (which sucks) Even if it is a life (which in that stage where you could abort it, it isn't. Just a hypothetical), there are still INCREDIBLY likely situations where the child could be set up for failure or have a terrible life. There's also people who get pregnant at a young age, an age where it would either be dangerous to even undergo the birth process or the child's life could be bad.
Either way, doesn't matter if it's a life or not. At this stage (where you can abort it) it technically ISN'T one, but it could be. And that life could be very very poor, for both the child and the parent
Well it technically is one. And it dies matter.
@@mariposa9506 Actually it isn't. When I'm talking about life I'm talking about sentient life, this "life" is simply just a bundle of cells. The only real life there is the possibility of it becoming real life, which brings me back to my point of said life being very poor so no it does not matter.
@@_void_with_eyes_ Op offered plenty alternatives, so it's false that this would that bad or damaging for the daughter. The thing none of you understand is that from their perspective this is straight up murder, like it really is how they think so no shit she feels like shit after her whole family did that and are now propagating these ideals that clash so drastically with hers. And to be perfectly honest, her family no longer can be considered Christian because of this.
@@_void_with_eyes_ doesnt matter to you, to others it does.
@@_void_with_eyes_ Unless human beings can give birth to something that isn't human, it's murder.
The mother in the first story describing pregnancy as a “temporary inconvenience” as if giving birth doesn’t risk life altering consequences, if not death in some cases, and after that you now have a literal human baby you have to take care of for (at least) 18 years.
Especially since unwanted pregnancies are far worse in that regard. The mortality rate alone goes up by 300%, and the mental and physical harm it causes also affects the child they were forced to create.
Also not to mention, she could have just not have had sex. Problem solved before it began.
@@myweb4861 That kinda sounds like victim blaming. What, are you going to tell a person who got in a car accident 'they could've just not been around cars, problem solved'?
@@SentaiYamaneko I don't remember where she said she was graped. She just didn't like the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her and so the baby had to go.
Also, car accidents don't result in a living, breathing, human life.
First story OP is awful. She'd rather her daughter be misserable than live her dream. PASSIONATE HUGGING IS NOT CONSENT TO PREGNANCY. PERIOD
I think for the first story... fair enough. I don't think the gravity, that you are taking a life is instilled in this younger generation, nor living with consequences (she chose a bad partner). Some of the things I have seen with the young generations of women wanting abortion rights is appalling (eg promoting last trimester abortion or even being so callus at the killing babies part)... I think all those women who originally fought for abortion rights would be appalled and deeply disappointed. Pro choice doesn't mean being an ahole about it. I think this grandmother's pain is real and honest. At the same time it must be very tricky when family members don't agree on moral values such as this.
Yeah, it’s hard for me to feel anything but sad, both for OP and her daughter.
Third-trimester abortions are exclusively for medical emergencies. Also, you are not 'taking a life'. A fetus can't be considered human without a functional brainstem; we're corpses when we don't have that. They don't have that until around the end of the second trimester, which is why that's the cutoff point outside of emergencies.
First OP thinks becoming a mother is a “temporary inconvenience”…… wow she sounds like a terrific parent 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
No she said being pregnant is a temporary inconvenience..
@@LA_choca which it isn’t. Pregnancy has effects that PERMANENTLY change someone mentally and physically.
If OOP didn’t want the potential of a grandchild to be aborted, she shouldn’t have had a child in the first place. This is the type of logic these scumbag prolifers have
I really wonder how she thought things were going to work out for that kid if her daughter did take her up on that offer to raise the baby for her. Like, seriously, how was she going to answer when the kid asked "Grandma, why doesn't my mom take care of me like the other kids' moms do?"
And this is all assuming that both mom and baby make it through healthily, and that the child is both physically and mentally capable. It also assumes that OP is going to live for the entirety of the child's upbringing. What would happen if SHE got sick, or in an accident, and died or was unable to take care of the child? It would be up to the rest of the family and the mother that kept the child out of pressure... That's no environment for a child to be in.
@@briannad9155 Unwanted pregnancies in particular. The mortality rate alone goes up by 300%. Not to mention the serious mental and physical harm it inflicts on both ends (both the parent and the child they were forced to create).
I’ll never understand the desire to force people to have babies they don’t even want.
Then perhaps people shouldn't have sex and take the risk until they can be responsible.
@@gsheac you have no idea of the circumstances. How do you know she wasn't using birth control and it failed - even the manufacturers of birth control acknowledge it is not 100% effective. Let's not even get into the boyfriend is a low-down, lying cheat and no woman in their right mind should have a child with a dishonest piece of shit and then be tied to that SOB due to a kid they didn't plan for and don't want. It is responsible to look at how that child will effect your life (and his) and make a choice based on that. You don't like abortions, fine don't have one, but you have no right to accuse someone of being irresponsible without being that person.
@@gsheac Human beings are a species that has sex for fun. It's a normal and healthy thing.
@@gsheac yeah cause that’s totally gonna just stop happening 🤡
@@gsheac pretty delusional
The first story reminds me of a Benjamin Franklin quote. "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety". Replace the words Liberty with Family and Safety with Faith. You build both over time but as you get to choose when, how, why and if you value them. More and more Boomers are shocked when we go no contact for their toxicity, gaslighting and manipulative actions, especially in the name of tradition. Also, giving up family for faith will haunt you as social media won't ever let you go back on your decision. Plus, any potential partners can and should question if you will make history repeat itself.
1st story: sounds like OP did a good enough job od friving away her family by being so damn blinkered when it came to her beliefs. Also, weird that she is more concerned about her first grandchild being 'murdered' than with how her daugter's life could have upended by an unwanted birth.
2nd story: oh look, someone else wanting to use an open relationship as an excuse to cheat...
regarding comments such as yours on abortion, I will always say:
"pro-life" people aren't pro-life. they're pro-birth.
they give zero shits about what is going to happen to the mother or the baby. they only give a shit that the baby is born.
@@mcawesome9705 thank you! Pro-birthers don’t actually care about the baby or the mother all they care about is it being born. They’ll judge a 16 year old for getting pregnant and then shame her for choosing to abort it
@@mcawesome9705 Yes a lot of people tell each other the lie you always like to tell to help themselves feel better. It has 0 basis in reality but people love making shit up.
@@mariposa9506 If they actually cared, they'd invent a way to take a fetus out of someone's body and volunteer to put it in theirs. That way, the risk of dangerous health issues goes down (unwanted pregnancies raise the mortality rate alone by 300%) and there's no issue with human rights violations (you can't make use of someone else's organs without their consent). And of course, they'd raise the child themselves because giving them up for adoption just further clogs up the already-overcrowded foster system.
@@mariposa9506 for having "0 basis in reality" I sure have seen a lot of "pro-life" people literally not giving a single shit about any person who is actually alive.
The pause to be like "lol sorry for the shade" was 😂👌
story 1 : i think the mother is freaking out in this story because she fears that none of her children will have children via abortions etc.
its a very *biological* fear for your line to end and i think that is causing the freak-out, along with philosophical child murder.
First story, it's not her business, its not her body, it's not her life. She doesn't get to decide whether or not her kid wants to carry a baby.
OP1: "Our family, like all Mexican families"
The abortion issue is an extremely complicated one but THIS kind of statement makes someone an a-hole, period.
Exactly. Not all of any group are one single thing....that's the definition of stereotype
I love how consistent you post! Best part of my morning routine
Dude same!
i physically can’t watch any reddit videos that aren’t from rslash
@@lolipopwhore for me the only other that i can watch is darksheep but even then i prioritize rslash
@@lunatic-db6mp i’ll try thank you i hope it’s not a robotic voice cause that’s what i like in rslash (the real human voice)
@@lolipopwhore his channel name is actually darkfluff
In story 1, I’d encourage compassion. If you agree or disagree isn’t the point. It’s clear that she believes it’s murder. So her behavior is consistent with that belief.
Her heart is broken because she believes her family has agreed to, supported, and committed murder.
1st story: OP's daughter said that if she carried the baby to term, then her life would be ruined. I believe her, and the baby's life would also be ruined. Not in the alternative situation, but in the same situation. If the baby is carried to term, then the lives of OP's daughter and grandchild will both be ruined by the fact that they're grossly unprepared to start a family.
OP tried to guilt-trip her daughter by calling abortion "murder." That's a gross exaggeration, especially in the first trimester. OP's daughter is already making a hard enough decision as is without OP's criminal accusations of killing something that has yet to grow a brain.
OP also tried to use her religion as justification. OP's religion is OP's religion. Her family is not obligated to inherit it. And don't even get me started on the fact that the only times the bible ever mentions abortion, it's in favor of it. If you don't believe me, then you haven't read the bible, which is perfectly fine, only if you don't claim the bible to be your foundation in the first place. Otherwise, read it.
Interesting how the first OP says she "dedicates her life to her family and to being a mother" but that only counts as long as the kids don't develop own opinions and identifies.
Sounds like my mum. She loves children. Until they have their own opinions and beliefs.
Exactly! As long as they follow *HER OPINIONS* she is a “ dedicated and loving “ mother! Yeah, more like a controlling crazy dictator to me. The daughter’s body, her decision!
Supporting your kids is not the same as supporting their actions.
Yeah, way too many people seem to think “honor thy father and mother” is code for “never ever question your parents on anything and you must do exactly as they say, always”. Organized religion is so full of control freaks and people thirsting for power...
@@Tustin2121 Right!
If all it takes is a girl asking for his number for him to waver, then yeah that marriage wouldn't have lasted. Also, this fear of "missing out" is a fallacy. My mom was my Dad's first and only with everything. Why loose what you already got?
The OO in 1st story is leaving a lot out! I doubt they're "abandoning" her, just because she's pro-life. The majority of my family is pro-life and pretty conservative. I am the opposite. We still adore and love each other and, while we may have the occasional VERY heated discussions on these kinds of topics, we respect and love each other.
It honestly makes me think that she's just one of those people that takes her faith way too far, like she's one of those people that has this mindset that these are her beliefs so everyone around her HAS to believe the same thing.
She wants her daughter to give up an Ivy League school for a fetus.
story 1: the op makes me grit my teeth. So she wanted her daughter to raise a child that she would forever resent? Not mom's choice and her daughter is an adult.
She gave the daughter the option to let her adopted the baby.
@@riotplanet6182 She'd still have to carry it for around 9 months and give birth to it.
Resenting a child for your own choices amd mistakes is so wrong...and abusive.
If you don't want to have children don't have sex....after all a baby is the end result of sex.
Also my mothercgave me good advice as a teen....if they are not good enough to marry than they are not goid enough to have sex with
@@johnnagustafson9996 by your logic, we should deny chemotherapy treatment to anyone who smokes or does any activity that increases the chance of cancer.
Consent to sex isn’t consent to pregnancy. If a baby was supposed to be the end result of sex, then pregnancy would be successful almost always compared to the 1/3-1/2 of them that end spontaneously.
Love how OP calls pregnancy a "temporary inconvenience"
Ah yes 18+years of parenthood is "temporary" 😂
my aunt lost her eyesight and a few of her teeth from her last pregnancy so yeah it's a "temporary inconvenience"
Thank you! One of the biggest wtf moments in that story. A Temporary Inconvenience eh? I guess at the very least 18 years is just that. Not liferuining AT ALL. Man some people.
People who call pregnancy an inconvenience also have a tendency to not value human life in and out of the womb.
@@shotsinfired Eye sight? Forgive me if I’m being ignorant but how can you lose your sight due to pregnancy? The teeth I understand, I’ve heard that women can loose teeth while breastfeeding, but why sight?