Is The 2024 GOP Presidential Primary Already Underway?

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  • čas přidán 29. 06. 2021
  • For proof that the next election is already upon us, look no further than Republican hopefuls like Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott, and Florida Sen. Rick Scott, all of whom sound very much like they're running for president. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Komentáře • 2,3K

  • @piedpiper1185
    @piedpiper1185 Před 2 lety +98

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine."
    Damnit Steven, I was taking a drink!

  • @leafyrox
    @leafyrox Před 2 lety +187

    As someone who got my backyard set on fire by neighbors playing with fireworks last year, I approve the fireworks ban.

    • @Nevertoleave
      @Nevertoleave Před 2 lety +22

      People the buy fireworks for celebrations where they will also be drinking confuse me. At what point did planning to get drunk and use explosives seem like a good idea? Cause both took planning

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 Před 2 lety +4

      What a shame banning them typically makes ppl want to more. Government telling people HOW to celebrate independence doesn't sit well for most.

    • @awparran09
      @awparran09 Před 2 lety +7

      I live in Indiana where they are legal. Two of my sons put on a display in a neighborhood competition and have done this for nearly eight-years. They take all precautions such as having fire extinguishers, water, and brooms to clean up the falling paper.
      So if your neighbors don't have these in place, blame them, not the law.

    • @nickmessner700
      @nickmessner700 Před 2 lety +3

      Had a kid shoot Roman candles on my roof last year. I'm in too.

    • @coltonblake13
      @coltonblake13 Před 2 lety

      @3-7-77 perhaps it's quite different. Here in CT we basically just have sparklers or fountain fireworks. Nothing goes up more then like 10ft max. Except sponsored town events. So all of us who do get our hands on them typically have an over abundance of caution or have done so generations.
      I can see where reckless drugs in more city like areas could be an issue.

  • @manwithmountain
    @manwithmountain Před 2 lety +130

    Stephen just did a John Oliver and might end up breaking Pompeo's site. Cant wait to see what people would be sending.

    • @--enyo--
      @--enyo-- Před 2 lety +1

      It’s a month later. Did it happen?

  • @johaniojo
    @johaniojo Před 2 lety +90

    So, in America a rich person can just hire the national guard to do his bidding? Nice, perhaps next you can rent out the military to a country that pays enough ; it sure is pure capitalism

    • @alexjordan1611
      @alexjordan1611 Před 2 lety +4

      What do you think happened in Iraq

    • @dsmyify
      @dsmyify Před 2 lety +3

      Yeah, America rent out their military all the time.

    • @the-trustees
      @the-trustees Před 2 lety

      Its a slippery slope from that to a true plutocracy... Humans don't deserve to continue to exist. Sigh.

    • @matthewkoch6937
      @matthewkoch6937 Před 2 lety

      @@the-trustees I wouldn't go that far. Not all humanity is bad, just those people who are greedy and lack compassion. There are still good people in this world, they just don't get noticed as often.

    • @wrongturnVfor
      @wrongturnVfor Před 2 lety

      USa already kind of does that. Directly, indirectly, weapons sales, tech sale....now its just starting on the homeland

  • @jeffreyxu6430
    @jeffreyxu6430 Před 3 lety +360

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine."
    One of the best roasts from colbert, DAMN

    • @Hollins23
      @Hollins23 Před 2 lety +7

      * Colbert's writers

    • @brassholio
      @brassholio Před 2 lety +5

      Savage

    • @jeffreyxu6430
      @jeffreyxu6430 Před 2 lety +5

      @@Hollins23 yeah, i mean the show

    • @Mondfischli
      @Mondfischli Před 2 lety +2

      ... I was laughing so hard I had to hold my belly.... D'OH !

    • @CerpinTxt87
      @CerpinTxt87 Před 2 lety +1

      @@Hollins23 It was delivered by Colbert, not his writers.

  • @truthhurts3524
    @truthhurts3524 Před 3 lety +688

    So anyone can make a “donation” to a governor and control their national guard? 🤔🤯

    • @silverpurkat
      @silverpurkat Před 3 lety +80

      A scary thought isn’t it 😳

    • @tomsenft7434
      @tomsenft7434 Před 3 lety +68

      No, just billionaires.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Před 2 lety +144

      We should start a GoFundMe to raise money to pay the New York National Guard to raid Mar-a-Lago.
      Since it's apparently legal to do that sort of thing.

    • @abercrombieblovs2042
      @abercrombieblovs2042 Před 2 lety +31

      Wellll....
      Not technically, but...
      how to put this...
      Everyone has their price.

    • @ironyelegy
      @ironyelegy Před 2 lety +37

      Welcome to our Capitalist Libertarian Republic shithole

  • @ChrisAlbertH47
    @ChrisAlbertH47 Před 2 lety +44

    So Kristy Gnome is essentially sending privately funded mercenaries to another state? Isn't there a law that regulates these things or is America as hopeless as it looks?

    • @MadmanLink
      @MadmanLink Před 2 lety +4

      They elected tRump, yeah it's that bad!

    • @mikoto7693
      @mikoto7693 Před 2 lety +4

      As a non-American I’m a bit confused and concerned.

    • @jaredkent9350
      @jaredkent9350 Před 2 lety +2

      No, it's as hopeless as it looks

    • @MTMF.london
      @MTMF.london Před 2 lety +3

      May be that other state could raise their own privately-funded "national guards" to repel the invasion because that is exactly what it is.

    • @elenachristian9860
      @elenachristian9860 Před 2 lety +2

      @@MTMF.london The other state is Texas. Gov Abbott achieved orgasm at the thought.

  • @specialpatrolgroup92
    @specialpatrolgroup92 Před 2 lety +61

    "A sexy misunderstanding..."
    "They're a grinder, they kept banging away!"

  • @patriciatracy5093
    @patriciatracy5093 Před 3 lety +517

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine"

    • @michaelschweigart3517
      @michaelschweigart3517 Před 2 lety +9

      Yep, I'm stealing that😁

    • @matthewbriggs9137
      @matthewbriggs9137 Před 2 lety +8

      @@michaelschweigart3517 Hard to steal a spine when you don't have one, amirite?

    • @michaelschweigart3517
      @michaelschweigart3517 Před 2 lety +8

      @@matthewbriggs9137 hahahaha 😆😂.... Wait, what? 😶

    • @thereisbeautyinthisworld7251
      @thereisbeautyinthisworld7251 Před 2 lety +5

      😂😂😂

    • @niixzpk8726
      @niixzpk8726 Před 2 lety +6

      Lol that was one of the funniest jokes he had tonight…This was a really good episode…he was on point with all of his jokes…he is regaining his momentum now that he is back in the studio😁 I enjoyed him on the pandemic set but I didn’t realize how much I missed him performing in front of a studio audience…he really gets energized from the audience..and is quick to interact with them off script which is impressive 😁. It is just refreshing to see his energy along with his clean “cut” and sharp suit on…feels like a sense of “normalcy” is returning 😁 Good Vibes 😎

  • @AD-wm5ju
    @AD-wm5ju Před 2 lety +138

    “It’s hard to keep your back straight when you haven’t go a spine.” Wooo!

  • @Hatamoto95
    @Hatamoto95 Před 2 lety +21

    "man who is late although is beer gut is early" was a very under appreciated joke haha

  • @seanmcdonald5859
    @seanmcdonald5859 Před 2 lety +53

    Isn't it just so nice to hear an American President use words and talk about just things really . . . .like, anything really and NOT have it devolve into sounding like a 6 six year old who clearly didn't do their reading assignment.

    • @DeathBYDesign666
      @DeathBYDesign666 Před 2 lety +5

      We have the most bigly lightninging space reader in the history of the world. Yes this was an exclusive invention of my space force so it's totally my idea. Thank God for me for helping to monitor the problem that I helped to create and couldn't care less about in the first place.
      I know it sounds too smart for Trump but I'm doing my best so give me a break. 😂

    • @joeywilliams9700
      @joeywilliams9700 Před 2 lety

      That joke is several years old, but thanks for messing it up anyway.

    • @ChrisAlbertH47
      @ChrisAlbertH47 Před 2 lety +1

      Sadly, a good portion of Americans want to go back to the orange one who talks mostly about himself.

    • @DeathBYDesign666
      @DeathBYDesign666 Před 2 lety +3

      @@pdag4685 You do know that Donald is only 3 years behind him and is far less healthy right? The health factor more than evens them up if not gives Joe a major edge on Trump. Come on man use some common sense.

    • @dont90know
      @dont90know Před 2 lety +1

      @@DeathBYDesign666 and in 3 years they'll be supporting Trump after saying 78 is too old for president. They most be brain dead to have so little foresight 😄

  • @suzibikerbabe8073
    @suzibikerbabe8073 Před 3 lety +105

    Since when have any politicians stopped campaigning and on our dime. All campaigning should be illegal except for the 2 months before the election. They need to spend their time working for us, not their donors.

    • @goblinwisdom
      @goblinwisdom Před 2 lety +5

      I hear that they spend a lot of time talking to donors about their next donation while in office. That is except AoC, Ohan, and prestley and bernie ( small dollar constituency donations).

    • @Critoxyn
      @Critoxyn Před 2 lety +5

      Unfortunately that's not what they believe, and since they make the rules they are therefore exempt from them. Just look at how they react to having to walk through metal detectors that were installed for security, the same ones they had installed in schools for security.

    • @jb888888888
      @jb888888888 Před 2 lety +3

      In 1996 Bob Dole resigned from the Senate so he could campaign full-time.

    • @Nevertoleave
      @Nevertoleave Před 2 lety +8

      It should also be illegal for them to avoid answering a question or try to throw mud at an opponent.
      If in a debate or interview they get asked, “what do you think of” or “what is you plan for”, and they don’t actually say, “this is what I think of this,” “this is our goal and we’d like to accomplish it this way,” “this is our goal and well we’re still working on details I would like to see this and this happen with it,” or even just “I do not feel like I have enough information for an opinion/we do not know how we would like to address that issue yet,” then they should be kicked out of the race.
      If there are any attack ads, or in a debate they try to go, “unlike my opponent” then they’re kicked out.
      If you cannot stand on platform then you do not have anything to stand on. If you refuse to answer questions when interviewing for the job then why should anyone trust you to do the job?

    • @freetolook3727
      @freetolook3727 Před 2 lety +4

      There are European countries that practice that!

  • @TahtahmesDiary
    @TahtahmesDiary Před 3 lety +125

    Released doesn't mean innocent. Our system has a long way to go.

    • @oscarwarren469
      @oscarwarren469 Před 2 lety +5

      45 is still free...

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +11

      @@oscarwarren469 ...for now.

    • @tomasvdb
      @tomasvdb Před 2 lety +7

      in prison also doesn’t mean guilty… that needs fixing too

    • @VodShod
      @VodShod Před 2 lety +1

      @@tomasvdb really we need to lay out all the laws of the land and the constitution and reorganize them from the ground up. The emphasis being to use clear language, to update wording, to highlight conflicts for debate and revision, and improve the process for approving bills and checks after set time to determine if the bill is working as intended, if not then revise or remove it.

    • @telectronix1368
      @telectronix1368 Před 2 lety +3

      He confessed.
      And he was released because of **the way he was convicted** , not because any court or jury found him innocent.
      He is out on a technicality.
      Oh, and.......... HE CONFESSED

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 2 lety +101

    How many souls of immigrant children did Grassley have to absorb before he got on stage, though?

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +6

      Probably all of them. That's why it's so quiet around the cages at the detention centers around this time of the year.

    • @matthewkoch6937
      @matthewkoch6937 Před 2 lety

      Countless, more than likely. He looks so coldly evil in his picture, like the political version of "Mr. Potter" from "It's a Wonderful Life" or a real-life "Mr. Burns."

  • @ShovelChef
    @ShovelChef Před 2 lety +121

    "Getting strangled by a rainbow" sounds like a Doctor Who freak of the week.

    • @nickmessner700
      @nickmessner700 Před 2 lety +16

      Sounds like how Mitch McConnell would describe Pride Month behind closed doors.

    • @katherinesayles8870
      @katherinesayles8870 Před 2 lety +2

      Points for the Doctor Who reference 😁

    • @op3129
      @op3129 Před 2 lety

      they fucked up angels. rainbows are obviously on slate.

  • @Tadicuslegion78
    @Tadicuslegion78 Před 3 lety +158

    The real fun begins tomorrow with the criminal charges against Trump Org.

    • @alex35agm
      @alex35agm Před 2 lety +24

      I can hear Donnie now.Trump Organization,never heard of it, don't know anything about it.I hear it's great but really,I don't know it.Maybe ask one of my sons.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +13

      Got my popcorns ready. Place your bets on who Baby Cheezus is going to throw under the bus!

    • @sererwr2413
      @sererwr2413 Před 2 lety

      yea dude! funning so hard

    • @shermanderek2
      @shermanderek2 Před 2 lety

      The Weasel's gonna sing

  • @CaptWesStarwind
    @CaptWesStarwind Před 2 lety +118

    It's almost as if the earth is warming.

    • @Arltratlo
      @Arltratlo Před 2 lety +1

      its a hoax from the fridge making industry, to sell more freezer to the americans...

    • @suzannegiannini85
      @suzannegiannini85 Před 2 lety +2

      Weird that the ocean is literally on fire too!

    • @CaptWesStarwind
      @CaptWesStarwind Před 2 lety +1

      @@suzannegiannini85 I still remember when lake Erie caught fire.

    • @suzannegiannini85
      @suzannegiannini85 Před 2 lety

      @@CaptWesStarwind I hadn't heard of that, l'll look it up.

    • @CaptWesStarwind
      @CaptWesStarwind Před 2 lety +2

      @@suzannegiannini85 It actually happened about 13 times before major steps were taken to reduce pollution.

  • @hannuvepsalainen74
    @hannuvepsalainen74 Před 2 lety +6

    the "send a video to pompeo" was a John Oliver move, well played thou Stephen

  • @ladyvincenza
    @ladyvincenza Před 2 lety +13

    "a sexy understanding" sounds very Zapp Branagan.

  • @IronBitch-SapphireandIron
    @IronBitch-SapphireandIron Před 2 lety +47

    That’s Not How or what the National Guard is for. I see legal action coming for that one.

    • @shirleyrombough8173
      @shirleyrombough8173 Před 2 lety +12

      Let's hope so. These quasi governmental officials don't have a clue about governmental rights and responsibilities.

    • @derricknelson8160
      @derricknelson8160 Před 2 lety

      Hello how you doing today?

  • @sunrisemorninglory9109
    @sunrisemorninglory9109 Před 3 lety +303

    People send your paper straws to Texas. If we stockpile enough, us Texans can burn them in our fireplaces when we are freezing again this winter-spring

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +22

      Did Cruz escaped to Cancun again? We told you Texans to fill up his water bowl twice a day! You wanted him, so he's your responsibility!

    • @HappyHarryHardon
      @HappyHarryHardon Před 2 lety +21

      Nope. Y’all Texans have libraries full of fuel. You’re literally on your own. Your grid can’t accept help from anyone. Vote blue.

    • @shirleyrombough8173
      @shirleyrombough8173 Před 2 lety +12

      As long as Abbott is governor we will definitely freeze next February.

    • @shirleyrombough8173
      @shirleyrombough8173 Před 2 lety +14

      @@gamepapa1211 - No, many of us did not want Ted Cruz. Beto O'Rourke almost beat that louse. It's hard enough living in Texas. Must we be reminded so often about the evil that lurks here? Yet there is hope. We'll have some good candidates in 2022 and 2024. Maybe Beto will run for governor or senator again.

    • @Tuturial464
      @Tuturial464 Před 2 lety +3

      @@shirleyrombough8173 good luck pushing Abbot into the rio grande, and your senators like Cruz to Mexico and whoever the other piece of crap is

  • @freetolook3727
    @freetolook3727 Před 2 lety +26

    Pipehitters: Mike Pompeo's version of the proud boys.

  • @bluegreenglue6565
    @bluegreenglue6565 Před 2 lety +5

    "...he must really have to limber up on leg day." Now THAT made me laugh a whole bunch! : D

  • @sewararabo
    @sewararabo Před 3 lety +160

    Love you Stephen, thank you for bringing me and my friends Joy and laughter everyday!

  • @stephenwedderburn9307
    @stephenwedderburn9307 Před 2 lety +117

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine" Stephen Colbert. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Best description of Cotton I've heard 😂

    • @deborahbrown8363
      @deborahbrown8363 Před 2 lety +6

      GOP gave t-RumP their spines and balls!

    • @xanderfulton3186
      @xanderfulton3186 Před 2 lety +2

      Explains trumps posture

    • @lindaleelaw5277
      @lindaleelaw5277 Před 2 lety

      Cotton claimed he served...nope did a montgs training.

    • @stephenwedderburn9307
      @stephenwedderburn9307 Před 2 lety

      @@lindaleelaw5277 cotton is the same as most on the right-wing, playing soldiers, but when gets real, they're either at the back or running for dear life!

  • @likebot.
    @likebot. Před 2 lety +15

    So _that's_ what an ADA is... Actual Devil's Advocate.

    • @viddork
      @viddork Před 2 lety

      Loved the phone number.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 2 lety +33

    "We'll be growin' oranges in Alaska!"
    -Dale Gribble

  • @justinstorm30
    @justinstorm30 Před 2 lety +39

    Is it just me or did Stephen just get his groove back from being alone for so long? This was great.

    • @carlechevarria2226
      @carlechevarria2226 Před 2 lety +1

      I believe Stephen is much better with a real audience. I found it hard to listen to him talking to an empty room.

    • @katherinegray5086
      @katherinegray5086 Před 2 lety +1

      He is so great where ever he does his show !! They say 'Laughter is the Best Medicine' & Stephen has brought a lot o of people great happiness through this lockdown & before .. I love his show 💙 Cheers from Australia 🇦🇺💜🇺🇸

  • @223Drone
    @223Drone Před 3 lety +60

    Bill Cosby goes free but not Britney Spears. To say that the justice system in the US is crap would be a massive understatement.

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Před 3 lety +8

      Justice ILikeBeer Kavanaugh and Amy Coney-Island Hotdog werent your clues?

    • @223Drone
      @223Drone Před 3 lety

      @@id10t98 This was the Pennsylvania supreme court not SCOTUS.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Před 3 lety +5

      Donald Rumsfeld just died, so there's at least some good news.
      Granted, he died rich in his home instead of poor in prison, which kind of proves the lacking of the US justice system, but still.
      Let's be optimistic.

    • @JonahNelson7
      @JonahNelson7 Před 2 lety

      It's the justice system of states, not the justice system of the country. Take 45 seconds to look up this information next time

  • @neerajamb
    @neerajamb Před 2 lety +6

    OMG- pipe hitter and Pompeo had me literally rolling on the floor laughing 😂

  • @jokelethkurueisner9229
    @jokelethkurueisner9229 Před 2 lety +25

    “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, especially when all the eggs are rotten.”

    • @cultureal9544
      @cultureal9544 Před 2 lety

      Been there, in reality, not figuratively.

  • @AC3handle
    @AC3handle Před 3 lety +275

    So this was taped before the news about Trump's organization getting charged.

    • @fl00d69
      @fl00d69 Před 2 lety +28

      Ohh the Trump _organisation_ ? So what? - this is America. No one will go to prison. There will be pissy fines they'll pay out of some slush fund they siphoned off idiot supporters, and they'll all walk away scott-free.

    • @MrMojolinux
      @MrMojolinux Před 2 lety +14

      @@fl00d69 Or a later Republican Administration finds a loophole ala Bill Cosby and sends the convicted traitors free!

    • @TacoSniper666
      @TacoSniper666 Před 2 lety +7

      @Michael Robinson ohh hes human? i thought he fell off the short buss to a chocolate factory

    • @AC3handle
      @AC3handle Před 2 lety +6

      @@fl00d69 I dunno, we'll see how it goes. I mean if trump wants to fleece more supporters for cash, I guess that that's much less cash the supporters will have.

    • @sempressfi
      @sempressfi Před 2 lety +2

      @@TacoSniper666 😂😂😂

  • @allisontolbert1141
    @allisontolbert1141 Před 2 lety +72

    Why is everyone conservative so obsessed with going to the border? I live in south texas. I've been to the border. Aint nothing to see there. Do they imagine a war zone? Like the demilitarized zone in Korea? I dont get it.

    • @andrewtodaro2874
      @andrewtodaro2874 Před 2 lety +10

      Maybe they want to expand on the imperial manifest destiny march and conquer the whole Western Hemisphere!

    • @Crimson83blah
      @Crimson83blah Před 2 lety +10

      It’s the ptsd of the Vietnam war having a porous border that helped cause America to lose that war. Seriously, bunch of people can’t get over a war 50 years ago so we create a culture war issue by making the border a boogeyman

    • @stoikiometry
      @stoikiometry Před 2 lety +15

      conservatives are crisis actors. it's anti-biden propaganda and a distraction from their 1/6 treason

    • @davidwoods7408
      @davidwoods7408 Před 2 lety +13

      It's a cheap political statement that has no meaning in fact.

    • @Joker4205
      @Joker4205 Před 2 lety +6

      You have to remember that trump supporters think trump was and is the savior of all mankind. They believe he fixed everything. They think climate change is when the season changes. They truly believe everything he says. I bet if you told a group of Trump supporters the sky is purple they'd look up and see purple not blue.

  • @kenupyours5731
    @kenupyours5731 Před 2 lety +24

    The senators were trying to do pushups on stage... I think they need to have Michelle Obama show them how to do a proper pushup. The boys looked pretty sloppy and unfit with the example they displayed... bad form and a pretty poor attempt at a pushup gentlemen.
    Luv the show mr. Steven. Stay safe y'all

  • @bradleylambie6115
    @bradleylambie6115 Před 2 lety +4

    So nice having him back in the studio with a live audience.

  • @shannonbreen3732
    @shannonbreen3732 Před 2 lety +259

    Did anyone notice that President Biden didn't suggest raking forests to prevent forest fires?

    • @traekas7228
      @traekas7228 Před 2 lety +19

      IK,R? Biden’s not a craaazeh mofo, like the last one.

    • @markrussell0420
      @markrussell0420 Před 2 lety +24

      He didn't talk about exploding trees, either

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +29

      A well-adjusted human being for a President!? My GOD! What a novel concept!

    • @japhetzayas7194
      @japhetzayas7194 Před 2 lety +24

      And that he pronounced several multi-syllabic words without slurring his speech.

    • @Surge1077
      @Surge1077 Před 2 lety +30

      I'm guessing Biden also didn't go on some rabid rant against windmills either.

  • @notsure1969
    @notsure1969 Před 3 lety +28

    Wow. All the things that we were warned about 20 years ago are coming true. Who would've thought?

    • @valoriethechemist
      @valoriethechemist Před 2 lety +2

      It’s almost like science (scientific examination of the physical phenomena occurring around us) doesn’t care if we believe in it or not...

  • @bearbryant3495
    @bearbryant3495 Před 2 lety +7

    I know an old term for prison rape was "laying pipe".

  • @oldcrow6990
    @oldcrow6990 Před 2 lety +1

    You're better than a mental health therapist. As always, thank you for the laughs!

  • @dr.killmoretreeratologist8848

    His "private foundation"? Is that a non-profit or a charity? Hope so, cuz that will make it illegal.

    • @suzannec4834
      @suzannec4834 Před 2 lety

      They have nothing on him. It's just a show

  • @avidnongetit8710
    @avidnongetit8710 Před 2 lety +25

    I Love Stephen Cobert! He tells me what I need to know and what I should research on politicians.
    Plus of course he's Hilarious!!!!!

  • @hhthompson9500
    @hhthompson9500 Před 2 lety +2

    "...it's hard to keep your back straight when you haven't got a spine!" You nailed it.... again

  • @karengummer6657
    @karengummer6657 Před 2 lety +2

    Zing! "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine" best burn I've heard in a while

  • @deanna4851
    @deanna4851 Před 3 lety +300

    Stephen, we can’t use water balloons to blow off our fingers we’re in a drought!

    • @Leckfrosch
      @Leckfrosch Před 2 lety +22

      We could use Gatorade. It‘s got electrolytes!

    • @mostly-harmless
      @mostly-harmless Před 2 lety +13

      for real, the water isn't a joke...

    • @shahw2469
      @shahw2469 Před 2 lety +4

      wow 2 2 min ads mid sentence ,
      youtube truly sucks . they are worse than cable

    • @joannajamerson35
      @joannajamerson35 Před 2 lety

      Yep.

    • @crypticzen9194
      @crypticzen9194 Před 2 lety +5

      Not even enough water to fill a bong purchased from a Hindu mart. It’s turning all my friends into pipe hitters.

  • @id10t98
    @id10t98 Před 3 lety +199

    Marjorie Taylor Greene should just have her Jewish Space Laser Guardians stay on watch for any wildfires.

  • @Demmrir
    @Demmrir Před 2 lety +3

    Oh my god, that Pompeo quote that somehow mentioned pipehitter, Grindr, and banging in one sentence to explain that pipehitter isn't a sexual thing is possibly the best political quote ever.

  • @samybasile
    @samybasile Před 2 lety +2

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine"
    I think Hell felt that burn

  • @nmottagh
    @nmottagh Před 2 lety +24

    I laughed so hard my belly hurts. One of the funniest monologues in a while!

    • @cultureal9544
      @cultureal9544 Před 2 lety +1

      My cat is now scared of me, busting out laughing randomly (on head phone).

  • @yvonnetomenga5726
    @yvonnetomenga5726 Před 2 lety +15

    OMG. I hope there's a follow-up on Pompeo's Twitter feed.

  • @GRJ-uz7kf
    @GRJ-uz7kf Před 2 lety +1

    Colbert is a darned comic genius, as good as ever.

  • @grecoroberts795
    @grecoroberts795 Před 2 lety +2

    I so love having Stephen back at the theater!

  • @russellcampbell9198
    @russellcampbell9198 Před 3 lety +25

    Had me in tears of laughter. Hit that pipe, Mike!

  • @AbsoluteSkycaptain
    @AbsoluteSkycaptain Před 3 lety +28

    Good old 1:30AM Late Show posts keeping me company before bed.

    • @shirleyrombough8173
      @shirleyrombough8173 Před 2 lety

      Me too, though it's more soothing to watch videos of baby kittens being rescued. Or Jay Leno's Headlines. Or Jim Gaffigan's standup routines. Still, I love Stephen and wouldn't want to miss his comments about Repubs missing a spine.

  • @Swordtee40
    @Swordtee40 Před 2 lety +3

    8:45 to 9:00 Amazing how this joke made it past the censors.

  • @barrettzbrowning
    @barrettzbrowning Před 2 lety +1

    Wow is Stephen happy! Great comeback to live shows. He’s punchin it. (Not pipe hitting) Audience psyched!

  • @Tuturial464
    @Tuturial464 Před 3 lety +785

    Let’s face it, grab the popcorn and cotton candy. This GOP is a circus filled with scary clowns.

    • @abrahamlincoln937
      @abrahamlincoln937 Před 3 lety +17

      Like Mike Pompeo and Tom Cotton.

    • @rdavis15242007
      @rdavis15242007 Před 3 lety +19

      Pretty sure even Pennywise would be insulted to think they're clowns like him.

    • @wpl8275
      @wpl8275 Před 3 lety +22

      But the scariest clowns are the 75 million that voted for Trump in 2020. We don't have this circus without them. The GOP plays to that crowd. They even play to the far left loonies who think that getting vaccinated is a government plot of mind control.

    • @ToniGlick
      @ToniGlick Před 3 lety +7

      Sadly, it ends with one of them becoming a candidate.

    • @kellibarnhouse6591
      @kellibarnhouse6591 Před 3 lety +27

      The Entire Republican Party are Traitors to our Country!
      Trump directed an attack against our Entire legislative body with the intent of Terror, Kidnapping, and Murder of our Vice President, Pence; and the Speaker of the House!
      This was not a protest or riot this was an intentional over throw of our Government, so Trump could stay in power!
      Republicans supporting this Traitor are Traitors as Well!
      ARREST THE TRAITOR TRUMP, ASAP!

  • @janyceparks8326
    @janyceparks8326 Před 2 lety +19

    If it is the National Guard, can't the President deem it illegal?

    • @user-nf9xc7ww7m
      @user-nf9xc7ww7m Před 2 lety +2

      He can federalize the troops like JFK and other presidents did during the civil rights.

    • @JohnHoffman65
      @JohnHoffman65 Před 2 lety

      I believe the President has the final say.

    • @premalmartin3246
      @premalmartin3246 Před 2 lety

      I hope so, cause if the army could be bought, then we are totally fucked.

  • @cannibalculture4499
    @cannibalculture4499 Před 2 lety +6

    He's DEFINITELY gonna have to change the whole "pipehitter" thing after he gets all the videos inspired by Colbert. Good God I love this man. Now if I only had a pipe...

  • @personanon-grata5083
    @personanon-grata5083 Před 2 lety +1

    I didn't know a Gag Order could include the physical gagging of someone. Wow.

  • @vannshuttleworth4738
    @vannshuttleworth4738 Před 2 lety +79

    Mike P. On "Grinder"? He don't see nothing wrong with a little "bump and grind"!

    • @Karlthegreat84
      @Karlthegreat84 Před 2 lety +1

      Mike Po would meat uh meet Mike Pe on Grindr.

  • @caroljo420
    @caroljo420 Před 2 lety +28

    *It's so good to see you back in front of a live audience!!!* One good thing about the time spent broadcasting from your home and office: we got to know Evie, and she's adorable!!! We've all fallen in love with her!!!

  • @literally9056
    @literally9056 Před 2 lety +109

    Trump's whole "presidency" was him just campaigning.

    • @MorganBondelid
      @MorganBondelid Před 2 lety +6

      For the office of Fascist Emperor

    • @tyroneanderson5619
      @tyroneanderson5619 Před 2 lety

      you are such an idiot, he did more than obama did, sorry man but being graceful and having a nice image isn't everything

    • @shermanderek2
      @shermanderek2 Před 2 lety +12

      He golfed a lot

    • @NeverRubARhubarb
      @NeverRubARhubarb Před 2 lety +18

      @@tyroneanderson5619 Dude, the only substantive legislation that orange coward passed was a Billionaire's tax cut. Otherwise it was just a Twitter presidency: shrill, conceited and divorced from reality.

    • @enforcerofpain
      @enforcerofpain Před 2 lety +7

      He also fantasized his face printed on the $100 dollar bill

  • @GRJ-uz7kf
    @GRJ-uz7kf Před 2 lety +2

    "It's hard to keep your back straight when you don't have a spine." Good writing.

  • @ChrisAlbertH47
    @ChrisAlbertH47 Před 2 lety +58

    Cotton was in the army wasn't he? That was the lamest pushups I have ever seen from someone with military training. The other guy can be excused on account of being a fossil.

    • @jf6962
      @jf6962 Před 2 lety +11

      She's counting and I'm like ... zero....zero..zero 🤣

    • @ChrisAlbertH47
      @ChrisAlbertH47 Před 2 lety +6

      @@jf6962 I was actually taking points _off_ for bad form.

    • @angiebear8727
      @angiebear8727 Před 2 lety +3

      Those wouldn’t even count as push ups in a grade school gym class. Yes… zero. Zero. Zero 😆

  • @aggressiveattitudeera887
    @aggressiveattitudeera887 Před 3 lety +31

    I had a totally *different* view of what a "pipehitter" was supposed to do and be. For example, I thought Mike Lindell would be more of a "pipehitter" than Mike Pompeo.

    • @charlesstebbins7207
      @charlesstebbins7207 Před 3 lety +11

      Mike Pompeo is really opening up a can of worms with that one huh? 2/3 will be videos of people smoking weed from a bowl, 1/4 will be porn, & the last 1/12th will actually be people dumb enough to support Mike Pompeo. I still feel bad for whatever poor soul has to moderate that site, though.

    • @catc8927
      @catc8927 Před 2 lety +6

      @@charlesstebbins7207 This is the closest I’ve ever come to feeling sorry for Mike Pompeo. You’re right that the poor site moderator is the one who will get the brunt of it, though.

    • @Hollins23
      @Hollins23 Před 2 lety

      @@charlesstebbins7207 As the ancient adages state: "Any publicity is good publicity." and "There's no such thing as bad publicity."

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +2

      @@Hollins23 you sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure using a slang for, let me consult my note here, "A person with an outwardly dominant, masculine, or aggressive personality, but who also enthusiastically takes on the submissive or "bottom" role in the bedroom" is most definitely NOT a presidential hopeful should be publicising.

    • @RabblesTheBinx
      @RabblesTheBinx Před 2 lety +4

      The only way Lindell is hitting any pipes is if they're loaded with meth.

  • @pinkcat5011
    @pinkcat5011 Před 2 lety +1

    This was the most hilarious Stephen Colbert video yet! XDXDXD

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 2 lety +5

    So.. 6 months before Cosby releases a book called "If I did it"?

  • @robhunter7245
    @robhunter7245 Před 3 lety +13

    Bill Cosby being released on a technicality is disgusting.

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia Před 2 lety +2

      But he'll still die in disgrace, so that's at least something.

  • @edsova5089
    @edsova5089 Před 3 lety +190

    The GQP primary: the Qannon Shaman .vs. the podium theif .vs. the man who put his feet up on Nancy Pelosi's desk

    • @mekullag9787
      @mekullag9787 Před 2 lety +22

      don‘t forget the couple that threatened peaceful protesters with loaded guns for the terrible crime of walking past their house while black

    • @elram2649
      @elram2649 Před 2 lety +10

      @@mekullag9787
      And those that pooped inside the Capitol and smeared the walls with it.
      ...high standards those GQP'ers.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +4

      It's starting to look more like a freakshow than a proper primaries.

    • @cc1k435
      @cc1k435 Před 2 lety +3

      Sigh... I don't know if we can all be any more sick of this whole group, but we're about to spend three years finding out. 😬

    • @MrSpankee02
      @MrSpankee02 Před 2 lety +4

      @@mekullag9787 that’s mark McCloskey ,he’s actually running for senate if you can fathom that.

  • @somethingclever4563
    @somethingclever4563 Před 2 lety +3

    I think Chris Cuomo handled that tweet perfectly 🤣

  • @willenholly
    @willenholly Před 2 lety +6

    Tom Cotton is US Army Ranger qualified but you wouldn’t know it there.

  • @PerovNigma
    @PerovNigma Před 2 lety +74

    Man, Stephen turned into John Oliver as soon as "Pipehitter" videos were brought up.

    • @erikaiam8864
      @erikaiam8864 Před 2 lety +1

      Barring the cuss words of course 😁

  • @danjohnston9037
    @danjohnston9037 Před 3 lety +51

    There Is New Hope For The Senate
    Demings In Florida.
    Fetterman In Penn.
    We Need More.

  • @Kigen763
    @Kigen763 Před 5 měsíci

    I come back to this video all the time. Pipe hitters 😂

  • @jamesmocharski4803
    @jamesmocharski4803 Před 2 lety

    So good to have you back in front of a live audience again!

  • @fredherfst8148
    @fredherfst8148 Před 2 lety +14

    🇨🇦Biden's statements on lightning detection is old news for meteorologists. The north American lightning detection network has been operational since the 1990's. I was partially responsible for setting up the Canadian portion. Even got an award for it. He's right that it has been used a lot to fight lightning sparked forest fires for years. It's about time the general public knows about it!
    Go Joe

  • @stevenandreasen1553
    @stevenandreasen1553 Před 3 lety +95

    "Thunder namies, leaf herpies, getting strangled by a rainbow." Stephen, are those disasters or the new flyers for Dominatrix Disaster Daddies?

    • @darthvirgin7157
      @darthvirgin7157 Před 3 lety +5

      GQP presidential contenders now mercilessly descending on Iowa.

    • @LisaLisa001
      @LisaLisa001 Před 2 lety +4

      I was dying when he said leaf herpes. I'm standing here like, leaves are so innocent!!

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +2

      Don't forget the fire tornadoes, and yes, that's real. Not even a joke.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Před 2 lety +1

      @@Cog_Nomen the WHAT!?

    • @zoeydeu2261
      @zoeydeu2261 Před 2 lety +1

      Names of my new bands

  • @thepolitecanadian117
    @thepolitecanadian117 Před 2 lety +1

    You now have a president that knows what a lightening sensor array is....how wonderful!!

  • @allanguindon2156
    @allanguindon2156 Před 2 lety +4

    Why doesn't everyone just rake the leaves. That's what Donald Dump said, and he knows everything. Remember when he said all you have to do to reduce forest fires is rake the leaves?

  • @Metalbass10000
    @Metalbass10000 Před 2 lety +58

    Dishonesty, cheating, doing as little as possible, while trying to present the image, the appearance, of doing something is such a normal everyday way of life for Repugnacan'ts that he is actually cheating on doing halfway down push-ups in a public push-up contest within 87 year old man. So pathetic it's perfectly fitting.

    • @nelsonclub7722
      @nelsonclub7722 Před 2 lety +1

      It's almost as if its a requirement to join.

    • @nelsonclub7722
      @nelsonclub7722 Před 2 lety +2

      @J. A. Good one.

    • @silverblue73
      @silverblue73 Před 2 lety +1

      You can fake your intentions, but you can't fake pushups

    • @puellamservumaddominum6180
      @puellamservumaddominum6180 Před 2 lety

      @J. A.deflect much what does that have to with statement at top of thread.
      Can't you atleast defend him in his cheating?
      Ofcourse not because you saw the cheating yourself but now want to deflect which is normal republican 101.

    • @castonyoung7514
      @castonyoung7514 Před 2 lety

      How was he cheating at doing half way push-ups? I can see you calling those half push-ups or cheating, but not both.

  • @jonathanchan3698
    @jonathanchan3698 Před 3 lety +27

    Please do the "Hunger for Power" games segment when the primaries arrive :)

    • @paoloadam
      @paoloadam Před 2 lety

      I bet the first of the fallen GOP hopefuls is going to be Andrew Giuliani, who received a pretty solid 0% support in this week's New York Republican straw poll, scoring exactly zero votes. Don't be too sad for him, though: it may sound like a devastatingly humiliating defeat, but by Giuliani family standards, it was just another Wednesday...

  • @CJA32able
    @CJA32able Před 2 lety +1

    That last joke before I had to get out of the car and come into work 😂 😂

  • @marinanjer4293
    @marinanjer4293 Před 2 lety +1

    The writer for this segment was on a roll

  • @tonyfan3
    @tonyfan3 Před 3 lety +22

    The show’s lawyer must literally sit on the stage behind the camera with the cue cards

  • @kathcasey2090
    @kathcasey2090 Před 3 lety +3

    His writers and the delivery were awesome tonight!

  • @lumpy0100
    @lumpy0100 Před 2 lety

    Thanks Stephen Colbert Et Al. 🙂

  • @DyneTreal
    @DyneTreal Před 2 lety +2

    They both have miserable pushup form; none of those push-ups count per US Army Regulation 7-22.

  • @Nileshpandey0907
    @Nileshpandey0907 Před 3 lety +15

    I love this show. Bet wishes from India.

  • @midwid2809
    @midwid2809 Před 2 lety +18

    Who does Tim Scott think will vote for him? Ever again.

  • @sshza2143
    @sshza2143 Před 2 lety +1

    8:58 'pulling together til everyone is finished.' high end funny funny.😁🤣🤪🕺✌😎

  • @user-zu9kk5et8b
    @user-zu9kk5et8b Před 2 lety +2

    Pompeo LIED when he said he asked about "her". Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

  • @kanisereyes1694
    @kanisereyes1694 Před 3 lety +62

    Totally missed the opportunity for saying "Geoffrey the giraffe all grown up, Tom Cotton."

    • @davidlundquist1979
      @davidlundquist1979 Před 2 lety

      Are we pretending that Toys R Us didn't go out of business years ago? Or are we assuming that this was a joke specifically for '80s kids?

    • @thefriendlygamer2221
      @thefriendlygamer2221 Před 2 lety +1

      @@davidlundquist1979 actually toys r us is looking for a small comeback and it wasn't that long ago when toys r us closed.

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 Před 3 lety +32

    Real Opinion: Every single one of ya'll agreed that Dr.Colbert for Pres made our day greater:

    • @kamcorder3585
      @kamcorder3585 Před 2 lety

      While I like Stephan Colbert, he's no more than a political pundit. Celebrity presidents are not cool. They are demagogues who don't understand enough about government and law to do a good job. Trump should have taught us as much.

  • @AshleyGriffinHeart
    @AshleyGriffinHeart Před 2 lety

    Colbert with the shade!! 😂😂 Dying on the floor with the spine comment…

  • @FacePlant1324
    @FacePlant1324 Před 2 lety

    Killing it woth the monologue and meanwhile every day

  • @hhholsteiners
    @hhholsteiners Před 3 lety +6

    American justice system = you are innocent until you run out of money

  • @tsubadaikhan6332
    @tsubadaikhan6332 Před 2 lety +37

    His Private Foundation?
    Is that a Tax Free Foundation paying for his own Private Army?

    • @stephenwedderburn9307
      @stephenwedderburn9307 Před 2 lety +9

      Exactly! If this was a democrat governor the republicans would screaming about private armies. Can you imagine if Bezos or some other billionaire the republicans pretend not to like if they're getting donations had done this? They'd be having collective aneurysm's.

  • @stespfr
    @stespfr Před 2 lety

    I *KNEW* he would advice Cuomo to send a video to Pompeo! Thank you Stephen, you made me laugh today! From Paris with love!

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Před 2 lety +3

    I give it a week before Pompeo tries to pivot from 'pipehitter' to 'polesmoker'.