The Bar Is So Low
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- It just gives new meaning to the idea that the bar is so low.
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#toxicmasculinity #datingadvice #datingtips #relationshipadvice #masculinity
The "love in his heart" is often just lust and idealizing.
Like what’s his face in 500 Days of Summer. He just liked what he decided she was like. He never actually liked _her_
Amen to that
They always think love means a woman will endlessly perform subservience and endlessly putting up with thoughtless behavior and selfishness...
THIS. These guys don't know anything about actual love tbh
Exactly
Everything requires effort. Period. A job. a project. a plant. a house. everything requires work and maintenance nurturing and love. You cannot just be. We are here to love and protect and heal each other
You nailed it :)
Hard lesson but one that's important
Brilliantly said.
This is why I love meditation. It’s 30 minutes of my day when I actually get to just be, and it’s sooooo nice. It does for my brain what turning your computer off and on again does for it.
Yeah, I hope he never gets a dog.
Breaking news: if you don't make someone's life better in any way while expecting them to improve your own life, they won't stay with you 🤯
This is why I am single. Thirty years of trying to find a man who would put any effort into a relationship, but I just kept finding this level of entitlement. They expected ME to make THEIR life better, but they didn't have to reciprocate. And they wonder why over half of all women today are single. By choice.
I'm positive we're better off single than with most men out there 🤷🏻♀️
These dudes are psychopaths and, or have zero to no contact with actual HUMAN women 😂My wife and I have been married for 25 years, I have 8 sisters, a mom, and a daughter, not counting friends, aunts, cousins etc…I still can’t believe guys think 🤔 women are not people 😂like how 🤷🏿
Aw. There are good men out there, I swear. And not even all of them are already taken, or gay, surprisingly! They're just tricky to find. I understand if you're tired of looking though. ❤
My ex wrote me a check for Christmas. He didn’t want to be bothered to go and buy something.
@@alicegaiba As a man who has met other men, I mean, yeah.
That man would NOT choose a woman for the "beauty in her soul" if she did nothing for him
Guys like this refuse to lower their standards while complaining that women won’t lower theirs.
Fab point
The male also wants more than the basic female. He wants a facsimile of happiness ("smile!"), he wants shaven/denuded body like a baby, he wants makeup and self care that looks effortless, he wants subservience/idolization, and he wants porn grade sex on demand. He probably also wants help in providing the income to keep the house, car, and food on the table.
oh im sure plenty of people would pick someone over the "beauty of their soul" Its just that in most cases, people's souls arent nearly as beautiful as they think it is.
@@blackbloom8552especially if they don’t actively show it instead of expecting endless grace for their fuckups
It's better to be alone than feel alone when you are with someone.
Flashback to my marriage... 😬
@@missnaomi613Same
@@missnaomi613
Mine too
Virtual hugs to all of you!! ❤
(Or whichever token of compassion you prefer)
@@tabitas.2719 virtual hug accepted. Thank you!
Sirs. Dudes. Bros. Yall ain't competing with other dudes. You competing with the serenity of solitude. Make a woman happier than she can make herself, by herself.
Louder!
this is a fact backed up by science!
This!
It’s also important to note to everybody is that being with someone romantically should not be your source of happiness. If you want a relationship where the other person is supposed to be the center of your happiness, you’re going to view them as a way to be happy, and nothing more. That is a very unhealthy and toxic foundation for a relationship, because it’s not really love at that point.
Make yourself happy, and then go into a relationship with the idea that you are looking for companionship. You will not be their source of happiness, and they will not be yours, and being together will add onto the happiness both of you already have. This is a mistake both men and women make, but especially men make this mistake a lot, because we’re taught to find a woman that makes us happy, and we’re never told that we need to be happy on our own first.
Why would I date a woman who has no attraction to me?
I love how he expects a woman to be more than just a woman (he expects loyalty), but doesn't think he should need to be more than just a man.
"Loyalty". That's a sure sign he seeks a doormat, not a life partner.
Wait... hold up now. Did you mean to say it that way? Cause you make it sound as if being loyal from a woman is somehow extra and that women aren't loyal.
@@adimiss "Loyal" isn't inherent to any gender.
he is saying what a looooottt of men are expecting from women, though. Thats why it takes only 1 woman (girl) to ´break their hearts´ to justify their hate for ALL women. Its sheer entitlement.
That's the thing, a woman totally has the ability to love a man for who he is, but if he's a jerk why would he warrant a good person's love...
Women adore nice guys, being a nice guy does not mean you have to be a pushover, if you don't love yourself then you wouldn't have the ability to love others,
If you've only surrounded yourself with the type of woman that makes you believe otherwise, then you are worth more than that,
But the type of woman that is deserving of you deserves your best
He's not competing with other men. He's competing with our solitude.
So many men forget about this.
which is fair enough but due to the number of women choosing this its going to leave a number of angry lonely guys. the only solution that people seem to have is that guys will just have to accept it and to find some kind of pointless hobby to widdle the hours away until death.
@@jasonnewbyor, you know. Learn to be alone. 😂
That's why I see escorts instead of dating.
@@jasonnewbyThis is giving serious incel vibes. No woman owes you a relationship, especially not just because you're lonely.
"his potential is not enough" Sir, we have put so much effort into getting our girls not to take on men as "projects"; please don't set us back. Yes, someone's actual actions are more important than any BS they spout, any half-ass promises they make, etc
Yes. How did this guy miss that a woman falling in love with a guy's potential is a huge thing?
The bar is UNDERGROUND for some of these men. They could literally just walk over it if they tried but instead they will stand there staring at the spot the bar is buried and complain that they have to walk at all. 🤦♀️
Oh WOW! Lol
💯 aaaand shock, horror they would love to have it lower if possible
And complain until a woman cleaned up the mess & got the bar out of his sight, or he'd pull up a recliner & expect a woman to make him a sandwich while he rests his feet on the bar. 🥴🤣
I wish, lmao. They will buy a shovel and dig.
😂😂😂
Remember that the other available options include: robust friendships and peace of mind.
"I don't believe you have ever actually spoken TO a woman before".. Accurate. I bet he has spoken AT a woman before though. She probably ignored him.
And there's the difference!
Or he ignored her 😶
He seems like the kinda guy who sees a woman out in public sitting with earphones in and mimes for her to take them out.
He is married. But he is conservative christian and is married to a conservative christian woman and they get brainwashed into being subservient quiet ego-strokers for their men.
Those men who value women for their physic, ability to ¨smile¨ and submit, and trophy-wife quality are shocked that we have our own standards and they do not measure up.
It should it be that way. They should not do anything and women should do EVERYTHING.
Say it again for the troublemakers in the back! :)
Or that we have our own thoughts and feelings
Because they would be also shocked to learn that women are also humans...if they were ever motivated to grasp that
@@nicdegrave3313Right? The hipocrisy is just.. terminal. I'm sorry for all the lonely guys that get sucked into these movements.
Society used to be arranged such that women couldn’t do things on their own. They had to be married and their husband could get them access to things, credit cards, for example. Then, just being a man was providing women with access to something. Now, women can get those things without a man, so yes, men need to bring something besides being a man to the relationship. This guy’s just mad that his default status isn’t enough anymore.
He reminded me of Ryan Gosling's Ken when he wanted a well-paid job just because he was a man 😅
I can remember sitting at the bank with my mother when the rep told her they would need her husband's signature on the document in order for her to open a bank account. This was the mid seventies, people!
@@alicegaiba"But I'm a man." 😅
@@vangu2918 I was paying cash for a car, my OWN cash, for this little trashy convertible, a fun car and my fun was ruined when the sales "man" said "don't you want to call your husband?'. Sure, yeah, ok, I called him, put him on speaker phone and explained that the salesman wanted me to call him before I paid for the car. He ask me why the hell was I bugging him about that and was that stupid salesman for real. I said thank you, hung up, smiled and went to buy my little fun car somewhere else. My husband didn't marry a doll, a dummy or a trad wife and I married a smart man who doesn't need to call "wifey" to ask for permission. This was 7 years ago. My sympathy to young women today dealing with these kinds of fools in that video.
💯 So many of these creeps want to go back to the “good old days” when they had unlimited unearned privilege.
I have two sisters and am friends with both of their partners who are great, fun guys. Both are IT guys professionally, but one's a rockabilly guitarist and the others a big gamer/DND nerd, they both got together with my sisters and eventually became fathers to my nephews by also being interested in my sisters wants and desires, by being actual partners in their relationship. There's a tragic difference between these manosphere guys purported aipm of "understanding women" or "how to date women" and their actual aim, which is to radicalise insecure and young men into believing misogynistic lies and then use their failure getting dates into paying them for more useless and hateful information.
I love how you said that. It doesn't paint the men who buy all of this as entirely evil and respects their plight without ignoring the damage they cause. It's nuanced and compassionate and is often lacking in online discourse - even though I understand those men are scary and being compassionate with them can be very difficult for that reason.
Does the rockabilly guitarist/IT have a single brother or band mate ?
@@melusine826 they are, unsurprisingly, in a band. Whether or not the bandmates are single is unknown to me unfortunately.
🎯 💯
Very aptly said. Problem is women will suffer at the end of day when young men start believing these stuff. They will suffer too when their partners will have enough of them and walk out of their life.
I fully accept this man for all that he be, including unsuitable as a potential partner for my needs
"You mean I have to contribute to this relationship?!" Um, yeah. That's how it works.
"What if I just have a lot of potential?" No, you have to show me you are a good human being first.
Potential is great.
Doing nothing with it yet expecting the world is your issue.
That really looks like subtle comedy. That dude is like....the little boy who is annoyed that he has to do homework and just going to school and messing around in class is not enough to get an education 😂😂😂
And then blames the teachers for him not learning anything 😑
It's not comody, unfortunately. This man baby is a psychologist. Very sad.
@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gtJust because he has initials behind his name doesn't mean he is worth anything. After all someone has to make the top half of the class possible.
Breaking news everyone, man discovers all women aren't his mom, and that love comes with conditions for pretty much all of them
And yet somehow still assumes only women are too demanding, while not noticing what men demand of women to qualify for their love and undivided attention.
Lol, not even parental love is always unconditional.
If only women discovered it as often as men did.
He exists, he is king of the universe, and his inherent perfection should be lauded, honored, and adored at all times. He has spoken!
Dude is a narcissist.
Lol!!
ROTFLMAO 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 Nailed it!
Aren't they all.
This is most men out there. They don't even think they need provide anything to a woman.
Woman: You give me _love, respect, dignity_ You get _love, respect, dignity_
Most Men: Yeah, seems fair.
Entitled Manbaby: Hm...no respect, love when you do something nice for me, and dignity on Sundays only during church, or no deal.
The fact he used the word "loyalty" in his first sentence was a red flag. My wife doesn't stay with me out of loyalty. She stays with me because we have an excellent marriage. This dude should try making a woman happy sometime 😂
W O W where do I find more men like you?
Loyalty is one of the most important things in a relationship, wtf?
@@randomusername3873I think this dude’s definition of loyalty is “slavish devotion no matter how much I suck, of the kind that would put a Cubs fan to shame.”
@@kalierisExactly. Normal people say "loyalty" and they mean basic stuff like "support each other through tough times" or "don't cheat on your partner", but when guys like that say it what they mean is "must always do whatever I say and stay married to me no matter how badly I treat her"
@@randomusername3873Actually, no. Not loyalty. We often _use_ the word loyalty to encompass more specific traits like generosity of spirit, honesty, a willingness to invest symmetrically in a relationship. But the word loyalty is most often used in asymmetrical power structures. Employees are loyal to their company. People are loyal to their country. And dogs are loyal to their owners. If a person is seeking a "loyal" partner, they are likely looking for an uncritical, unconditional partner who will put in 80% of the effort.
"Women have trouble even considering a man's potential" seems to hit hard against the reality that a lot of women who've been trained to devalue themselves wind up accepting horrible men thinking "but I can change him!" -- or staying in an abusive relationship thinking "but if I just do things right from now on, he'll be the wonderful sort of man that I know he could be!"
I mean he's not putting his fantasy self into the best of company....
^^^^ this!!
Excellent point!
Maybe the problem is your taste in men
Excatly. And now men like him are whining because they've also been trained to believe they are entitled to women's choosing them based on nothing but them wanting it.
Even if this message seems obvious, there’s many men who don’t understand this. At least someone is telling them. My ex-boyfriend kept saying at his age, men just want peace. Ok, well if you’re going to treat me bad, put little effort into the relationship, and not expect to be called out on it, you can have peace alone.
😩YES!!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
_Well_ said!
Unfortunately that young dude seems to have swallowed the misogynist lies that women are all after your wallet & status, not your personal qualities. It's mind-poisoning to hand out that slant to young men in need of the basic guidance that they need to somehow make a woman's life better to earn her love and loyalty, and that the reverse is true also.
@@serendipityshopnyc In the case of my ex-boyfriend, he had absolutely no money. I had to send him money. And he had no status anymore. He used to be a pastor of a church. He lost everything in a natural disaster.
I don't know why a guy like that, or the guy who's being excerpted here, thinks women don't want peace too? Don't have the fantasy of just...being...sometimes? With no expectations, obligations, or judgements? The problem is when you EXPECT that peace to be facilitating by someone else's constant, unrecognized labor.
Más vale estar solo que mal acompañado (It is better to be alone than have bad company). This saying pretty much sums it up and applies to ANYONE. If the blank space that was there before you showed up is better than your presence the problem is you. Relationships are not just a one way street and that is exactly what this kind of person is looking for.
Yup! Until I got older, I never understood the phrase "I can do bad all by myself."
Actions ultimately speak louder than thoughts.
If a man has a loving heart, a beautiful soul and an understanding mind he will want to benefit those in his life.
Yes and he won’t make a stupid video like this
This is why I always laugh at the "what do you bring to the table" rhetoric from these kinds of men. Honey, I BOUGHT my own table and everything on it! What do you have at YOUR table that could POSSIBLY entice me to get up and leave mine to come sit at yours?
🔥🔥🔥😍👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
A lot just bring their dick and stomach to the table.
"I bring my hunger and lust to be quenched to this table, woman. That's more than enough!"
!!!!!! 💜
Well said!
men also have their own table, yet they still want a woman to sit at it with them. makes me think maybe men are the more romantic gender and women are just cold.
You have to provide benefit to her, in order to choose you, over all her available options. Yeah, being with you should be more beneficial than being alone. How is that surprising?
He didn't say so explicitly in this video, but seems to be implying that the benefits men need to provide to women to get attention are financial. I think he's been listening to MGTOWs too long.
Look, I will always say this. Relationship are work. They are time, they are energy. Any and Every relationship is like this, your family, your pets, your friends. It's about what you value and how much you choose to put into that relationship. When you value that connection, it makes that time and effort worth it. When you don't, it becomes taxing. Relationships are work but they can be fun, exciting, and rewarding. It's up to the person to decide how much effort they want to put into it.
Men like him think that they shouldn't have to do any work,but of course expect the woman to do all of the work looking after them.
@@darcy5761 It is really unfortunate. I've met both men and women that think they don't need to put any effort into their relationships. They think that their partner being with them is enough. 😔
Both people have to put work into a relationship. It can't be one sided.
I’ve read somewhere: “in dating, men think they’re competing against the top 10% of men, in reality they’re competing against a woman’s peace of being alone”
It’s so crazy that “for people to choose you, you have to bring a net positive in their life” is considered a deep revelation
The thing men like the guy in the original video can’t fathom, is that you’re not competing with other men. You’re competing with a woman’s time _without you._ Literally just be better than nobody. And they can’t manage that!
No, that man can fathom that, he's talking about different women.
These guys seriously have no sense of self-improvement? They think we should fall head over heals for someone who doesn't want to grow as a person? I don't want an anchor holding me back. I want someone to walk with me.
This is EXACTLY why I'm leaving my husband. I had to do all the emotional work and he got to just sit bsck and hope i would get it right. If i didn't get it right, back to the drawing board for me....
He would expect the same thing of a woman. Hypocrite. I'm sitting beside my boyfriend now and surprise, I'm with him for the three reasons this man said women never choose. Wow!
Congratulations you two!
But these guys don't expect the same thing from a woman. They just want a "hot," very young, preferably virginal bang-maid. They want a Barbie who does housework, has sex with the man whenever he wants it, makes babies, holds the man to no standards, and never ages. Period.
I was thinking the same thing. I've been with my husband for almost 40 years because of those three things.
I'm with my husband not just because of his heart and soul, but because he actively works to make my life better. We do household chores together, talk together about things we can't tell anyone else, and support each other physically and emotionally in all kinds of ways. My ex had a wonderful heart and soul, but wouldn't be there for me in the same way. Life was harder with him, not easier. So... yeah. Heart and soul isn't enough. Putting in effort isn't enough. You need to *listen* to your partner and make an effort according to *their needs*.
I mean, people like this guy prey on boys (and probably some men) who haven't quite figured out how to think of women as people.
They think of women as, like, a power-up in a video game, or (like the Speech Prof said) as the thing that the "This is What Life Owes Me" vending machine spits out if you put in "I'm a Man!" tokens (like a luxury watch or a Ferrari or some other signifier of "manliness").
If they were capable of thinking of women as, you know, full-blown humans with thoughts and feelings (instead of as hypothetical commodities), his audience wouldn't fall for this kind of silly nonsense, and this guy would have to find some other "subject matter expertise" to base his grift on.
Men seem really angry now that women have choices. I have read a lot of comments from men like the one in this video saying that consent laws are destroying marriages. It was only in the 1990's that all states made it illegal for a husband to rape his wife. When men made all the laws they treated women like chattel. Now that women have rights they are saying no. Women are opting out of the paradigm men have set up for them for hundreds of years. They can provide for themselves and don't have to follow the obey and submit model that the Mormon church taught to me. They can say no to marriage, no to pregnancy and no to sex. Unless men figure this out and come to the table as an equal partner they are going to be awfully lonely.
And blaming women because they can't get laid.
part of the problem is that it doesn't matter how 'good' a man is, the more women who choose to be single the more men will end up single involuntarily simply because of the numbers. this is going to create a segment of men who society failed through no real fault of their own.
@@jasonnewby I agree this is a problem. But I think it does matter how good a man is. I have 4 daughters. They all married good honorable men. Two of my daughters married men that were the same height and not super body build or really good looking either. Three married while they were still in school. They didn't know what the future held. The stereotype that women are looking for rich, handsome, tall men is not true for everyone. My daughters married men that were partners and interested in helping each other achieve goals in life. They threw out the women's role vs men role model and both pitch in to get a job done. They divide up household chores. They both have successful careers and 2 have wonderful children that they both care for. There are good men and women out there but the wife at home serving her husband model of the past is disappearing fast. I think it's hard for men right now but I think it will all settle out with time.
@@katsmith2343 I agree that anyone looking for the man works, woman stays home with kids situation is going to have a hard time. I am someone who was raised in a home where both parents worked, split up chores and child care, etc and I grew up to want that same thing. I want a partner, not a maid. Sounds like you are a good parent who raised good kids. Online amplifies extremes and this is no exception. Also, you always hear of complaints way more than happy success stories. Telling young women that they would be happier single and showering them with horror stories about being trapped in a relationship is creating quite an imbalance where women forgo what could be very happy fulfilling relationships, children, etc for a job that would replace them tomorrow if something happened. Men don't get this narrative aside from mgtow which most anyone with a bit of intelligence can see through.
@@jasonnewbywomen choosing to be single in large numbers isn't the root of this problem. Society didn't teach men to equally contribute to relationships, only that women will give them free labor and sex in the hopes of getting a ring if they simply make enough money. And then that women are "equal" now so you're entitled to their sex and free labour in addition to their help with the finances as long as you're a "nice" guy (which is never defined past not hitting and cheating). That's why men like the one in the video are complaining about even having to do the bare minimum of upkeeping any relationship let alone a romantic one. Women evolved in several ways, including the messaging we received, men were taught practically nothing outside of Hollywood and porn
NGL, this advice, even coming from whatever shitty place this guy is in, would have helped me a lot as a young man. As much as everyone likes to talk about people having inherent value, that's not enough. I wish I'd known that before spending a couple decades thinking I was owed a relationship just for being myself. Sad as it may be, it IS a profound revelation if you've never heard it before. How else are you supposed to know this kind of thing if nobody teaches you? This is why boys need better role models than the ones society provides.
The thing is, the default for humans is to understand co-operation and contribution. We are a social species and LITERALLY cannot survive without that.
I really want to highlight that that is the default. For everything in nature.
What happens, is that men in this society, including yourself, were taught through lots of passive ways that they are different. Exceptional - literally. Entitled - literally. It can be things like body language and tone of voice.
Women by and large never get this message. We are starting to see narcissism rise in women now, but historically and still to this day it's just not as common.
It's not that people need teaching better - we need to STOP teaching AWAY from our natural state.
All cultures have guides and practices that remind people to come back to humility again and again. Although mainstream modern culture has actually lost that since we lost religion. (It doesn't have to be religious, that's just where it was for us.)
And cultures that are still living in harmony with the land understand that this understanding that we're not special is important to cultivate.
And simply stopping treating men as if they are entitled to all kinds of things just for existing would go a LONG way to address what you grew up with.
I absolutely agree with you. We need advice like this. However this man seems to think you SHOULDN'T be providing all those things and women SHOULDN'T want more than just a man and I don't think he is advising men to be better. I think he is advising them to be mad at women for wanting a partner that contributes
@NeverLoveNiila yeah. It's pretty fucked, no doubt. Misogyny doesn't just hurt women, it hurts us all.
@NevTheDeranged yeah, you are one of a few who understand this. All these incel/ red pill guys are being fed upon by a bunch of bottom dwellers who want men angry to get likes and sell thier content. The more lonely men are, the more money these jerks make. The more hateful men are, the more alone they will be. Glad you can see through the bs. Good luck to you, sir.
@gracelewis6071 It's that damn phone I tell ya! 😅 but no really, antisocial behaviors run rampant on the web. It seems like human interaction is hard to come by these days. I worry about the kids these days, truly.
How do these men have the facts yet interpret them so wrong... Cuz women do love what is in a man's heart/soul/mind but you can't claim to have a good heart while shoving your partner in the "prefect girlfriend" box.(cuz they won't fit and men get upset )You can't shove flowers and compliments at your partner and claim it's from the heart when you only do it when you do something toxic. You can't claim to love someone when you only allow them to be themselves at home but "cover them up" in public.
In his defense, he's talking to the men who see women as NPCs in the video game of life. We're not actually people, just commodities to be purchased.
That's a "defense"?
That is an indictment, not a defense.
@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 yes. He's pointing out that attitude ain't good enough.
@@shinzontheta ?
How is that different from a video game?
And who has to be a 10? That's just bs.
Thinking of women as NPCs is a bad idea when you realise all the NPCs are the DM.
Do not piss off the DM by repeatedly consistently disrespecting the NPCs.
That's when you get hit with "every die in the house" levels of lightning damage.
Edit to add: yes, I know you said video game. I prefer ttRPG is all.
Your analogy is 💯
Oh my god, that’s what they do, insert nice guy tokens and expect the partner/vending machine to function like an appropriate appliance and dispense what their nice guy tokens buys them. Everything is transactional. The good, the bad, and the ugly all works to manipulate us into getting exactly what they want without ever communicating it, and punishing us when we don’t live up to their unspoken expectations. Meanwhile they are coercing us with nice gestures that will ultimately be thrown back at us with a heap of guilt to make us fall back in line when we object to the abuse we are getting for our punishment, and usually it’s moods, or silent treatments, or induced boring conversations where we are just being talked at for hours on end. All the while they are telling us they love us and support us but really we feel like we are losing our minds and that they really hate us, but they are ambivalent to us as if we were a toaster.
Yup. That's life with a narcissist.
Oh, dear me, I thought I was the only one...
This is hilarious 🤣
No, sweetheart, no woman is going to love you for the 'love that's in your heart'. Yes, she requires more from you than your parents or your dog. That's how grown up relationships work. Love is a verb.
Are these guys in their own personal limbo competition?😂
lol!
💯😂
😂
😂😂
You can get the love and loyalty of a woman (or man) just by being you, as long as you're not an asshole. Right? I mean...I'm autistic, and that's how it's been in my relationships and my long-lasting friendships, but surely that's the same for neurotypicals as well?
Yes. It is. He just doesn't have the same definition of "being you" as the average sane person.
@@witherschat Good point.
@@JWildberry He doesn't count actions as part of who you are, most sane people do.
I just want to be and then attract a person who needs to be: beautiful, loyal, dutiful, clean my house, raise my kids, prepare my food, entertain me, provide for my carnal needs, etc. I don't understand why I'd have to bring something more to the table other than just existing?!?
I absolutely want a man's heart, understanding, and soul. I want that above all else.
Imagine needing to bring something of value to the relationship table, with anyone. One-sided relationships where one party is just existing and contributing nothing gets really exhausting really fast. If you are more trouble than solitude would be, I'm gone.
All relationships, of all kinds, are more trouble than without those relationships, though. That's the nature of relationships, because we are all individuals, and our needs, wants and values don't neatly align and dovetail. Also, communication, even clearly with words, falls short of conveying our perspectives. Kids are more trouble, in a constant way, than being single! But if you can't be yourself, and are not feeling the trouble is worth it, well yes, being single is sensible.
I really like your last sentence. Specially because the can apply to all kinds of relationships.
@@daniellamcgee4251what about relationships where a slobby man now has someone to clean up after him? Sometimes being in a relationship is less trouble for some.
Exactly!! If you're not actively making my life better by being in it, see ya!!!
I am not going to be some adult man's second mommy.
@@Luubelaar
hell, even mothers deserve better than No Effort - even a hug or thank you mom is better than nothing ever smh
That man could dry up a flood plain with his reasoning. Bless him, women are really just beyond his limited scope. --Keep calling them out, I love it!
“You have to provide benefit to a woman in order to justify her choosing you over all other available options”
Um… yeah? That’s kind of how people operate, dude. I mean that’s the basis for everything, choosing something/someone that benefits you the most
I love that he's literally mad that he's being judged by his actions and not what he might hypothetically do. 🤣🤣🤣
I literally love my man for the 3 reasons he stated that women won't choose a man for. Not all women are the same! Granted, his effort, behaviors, and character are reasons as well. That is how he makes my life better.
Being a partner to anyone is about adding to the other, and accepted for just being who you are. That's being a partner. Just being and taking is what is referred to as a leech.
There's a little special space in my heart, full of hatred, for whenever men say, "all other available options." This is always meant like women can just show up to the party and get swarmed by men - and as someone who took thirty-three years to go on her first date, let me just tell you, I can count on one hand the number of guys who have been interested in me. It took a lot of self-reflection and work to realize that I also needed to bring something of value to the table if I ever wanted a partner.
Now, I'm not juvenile and deluded enough to play the "woe is me" card and whine that nobody was ever into me, because that simply isn't true, even if I didn't recognize the interest at that time in my life. However, the honest number is quite low, and as for that guy who finally did snag me? Sweet, kind, gentle, respects me and my autonomy, speaks to me as an equal, always bolsters me up when I'm feeling self-conscious. He worked on himself, too, and he was a man worth waiting for.
unless you aren't conventionally attractive, yes showing up and just being kinda nice is enough for a lot of guys. if you aren't conventionally attractive through its much harder but guys just tend to ignore that those women exist.
@@jasonnewby ...that's kind of the point I was making. I'm a 6/10 with good makeup and lighting. The implication is that all women get attention just by existing, which is really not the case. Therefore, I had to cultivate other qualities to achieve that end.
@@SakuraSamael Compared to a 6/10 man, you literally get swarmed with potential mates compared to him. Check your privilege.
@@MK_ULTRA420 Please don't take my positive comment about self-improvement and turn it into a pissing competition between men and women. That's not what it was about and it's half of the problem with discussions between men and women today. My personal experience - which you can't possibly know as a stranger on the internet - does not diminish anyone else's and I wasn't attempting to do so.
@@SakuraSamael I'm saying that you have no idea.
Dude's legiterally surprised that women aren't just like "When he exists 😩"
Because men do the "When she exists 😩"
"legiterally"--LOL I'm stealing that! Brilliant.
@@wickedarctiinae4132no. Ive seen people like seeing their wife or girlfriend taking a bit rest or enjoying a lil bit of free time and immediately hit with, "What did you do all day?🙄"
No, this video was taken out of context, possibly deliberately. That man is a real psychologist and is not like how Speech Prof is representing him. This is also an important subject that women very much should understand, so it's a problem that Speech Prof misrepresented him this way
@@nathanmstroudSo what about his real psychologist status? Doesn't make him right. After all, Freud made up some really weird stuff, too. Plus, any psychologist who blames an adult's behavior on another is just weird.
I do think when he said, "What he does that counts." is spot on. How you behave, not what you say, shows who you are and what you believe.
Unfortunately, people who start on this tangent usually take "what he does" to mean his career and the money he makes and NOT how his actions express his values and the love and respect he feels for his partner as the majority of us do.
Love and respect are shown through action, are shown through action. How someone treats others, what he does with his money, all of it indicates who one is and how they feel far more accurately than words and a job title. There are men that think they are rejected because they don't have money or even a job, when really it's simply because they're an asshole. @@wartgin
@@karenbutcher1240 Preaching to the choir, sister.
these guys are out of touch with realty.
Fun part is, you can just "be" and people can still want you for you. You can be a cherised friend or lover, and have people like you because you are kind, and understanding and respectfull and funny, and giving, and a lot lot more. Because these things that enrich people's lives, that make the time they spend with you precious, are part of you.
They still need work to manage and maintain, because as humans we need to work on ourselves to make sure we do our best for us and our community. And we are driven to!
So what I personally hear from this dude, is "Suddenly I realise I need to make my partner's life better, and I have never tried to be a better person in my whole life, but faking it seems too much work. I see no other options."
This! When you're a good person, full of compassion and love, just "being" IS enough, because things like kindness and understanding come more naturally.
Maybe men like this should try to change their perspectives to become better PEOPLE, instead of complaining that it's too hard to be a good PARTNER.
Thank you, yes! ❤❤❤
The sad part of this is that many women stay with men based on potential and all to their detriment….
this dude really thinks he should just be able to fucking breath and have an unconditional romantic relationship....
Like the men you're attracted to?...
Theres a difference between 'just being yourself' and 'just being absolutely lazy'
My fiancé can 'just be', i love him to death, ill carry any slack on days he cant contribute. Why? Because he does the same for me. Its not a fantasy, we literally want to be your partner not your caregiver
It's almost like you show those good qualities by doing shit and also making their life better, as well as them making your life better. Wild.
The internet often provides us a glimpse into the moment when someone has a deeper-than-usual thought and are instantly convinced they are brilliant and this idea is a fact.
Here’s a secret. For some of us, you have to offer a value over being single. I’m not going to choose a man for just being himself, if he isn’t going to join me in a journey of developing a mutually beneficial relationship. No benefits? Why bother?
the bar is so low IT IS A TAVERN IN HELL
I am learning so many new hilarious phrases in this comment section. Thank you.
Hear me out. The bar is "so low"... For men you find attractive
I have dated some VERY questionable creatures. most if not all of which had very very little to offer and refused to try. I was with them because I did not value myself. now I do and my time alone is precious to me. so absolutley if a "man" doesnt add value to my life he doesnt get to have a thing to do with me. I owe that to myself.
He's taking a long, slow, implied train to say that men have to have money and status to "get" a woman. Which, for anyone with a basically decent ethical system looking for a long term partner, is utter bullshit. If you're dealing with someone who just wants money or a lifestyle, move on. They'll change and grow up, or end up in the player/game pool with the rest of the materialistic children who like that predatory chase game. Be a decent, compassionate human who is trying to be a little better each day. Be willing to change and grow into a better person than you were when you were a teenager. It's not rocket science. But it IS work.
But men shouldn't have to do any work whine,whine ,whine. Being a decent human being is wonens work.
Men needs to bring love , respect , loyalty,understanding to table too. They can't expect women to do everything for them. While they keep being entitled .
Many men think it's all about money they earn. But homemakers work hard too. It's the work they are doing for both of them and kids. If men can't see the value in it ,it's their foolishness.
Also even with working women ,all men expect them to look after family . But many men don't do any household chores themselves.
women past their primes talking about the modern dating scene, its always hilarious.
Stop making that assumption. The man who made the video Speech Prof is responding to is a professional and he is way smarter than that anyway. Stop putting words in the mouths of men you don't know. It adds to the problem you want fixed. Speech Prof regularly misrepresents and even smears the insights of good and intelligent people who are trying to clarify issues like this and often succeed in doing so. Speech prof is the problem here. I have seen more than a dozen videos by Speech Prof making false statements and confusing the truth of relational issues for women and men. It's really bad. People need to quite literally either call him out or stop watching him and start watching the work of actual educated experts instead, seriously. Speech Prof is making these problems worse.
@@nathanmstroudAnd there are always the people who make the top half of the class possible.
I hate that the assumption is that you just have to be better than other available men. Like no, even if you are the best of the available men, there has to be a bloody good reason for me to give up my happy single life. Like no thank you, I will gladly live alone with my cats and not the responsibility of caring for a useless adult human who is unable to do anything for themselves let alone anything for me.
He is a psychologist and seems to support a lot of red pill talking points. He has said even worse stuff than this.
I blame Freud
A psychologist?!? Yikes!
He makes me wonder how many bodies are buried under his patio.
Isn't there a type of narcissist that gets off on the attention they get by "helping" others? Think they're called "hidden"?
Please tell me he is not a licensed psychologist, because he is in desperate need of deep analysis.
@@vangu2918 Here's a thing about psychologists people often overlook: they're just people, but studied psychology.
That's it, they passed a test, but they're still just people, plus license.
I love your take on these things. Makes me keep faith in that there ARE sane men out there.
He’s speaking to the bums 😂
To be in anyone’s life you should bring substance to them
You wanna know how low the bar is. In the Havamal Odin describes a magic spell to get girls to like you. The magic spell includes: act like you like her when you talk to her, don’t make promises you can’t keep, be friendly with her friends and parents, and try and talk to her on a bath day.
The fact that this thousand year old advice is still necessary just absolutely boggles my mind
How do people like this go about friendships, I wonder?
I don't think they have friends outside of the submissive wife.
@@katsmith2343Yep, women do all the emotional labour so the man can "just be". At least I suspect that's his expectation. There may be a few drinking/sporting buddies he hangs with, but nothing too frighteningly deep.
@@katsmith2343dont think he is friends with neurotypical ppl
Wait, I thought if we want men to live up to their potential then we couldn't accept them for who they were? I'm confused
not as confused as he is
@@aaronpolichar7936👏🏻👏🏻 bravo
When people are saying that the bar is on the ground, I think they are seriously overestimating. Some guys'll be limbo dancing through hell and still manage to trip over the demned thing.
We can't see the love in someone's heart. We can only see love when it comes out through actions.
Imagine if these men could understand that they're rejected because being together with them would be a literal chore, a burden. Why should I waste my energy and love on someone who thinks their mere presence should be good enough. What even is their "love in his heart"? Cause from what I can tell their definition of Love does not match mine. The "beauty of his soul" should be reflected in his actions. If I don't see anything that shows a man's values and morals, I will assume his "soul" doesn't have what I'm looking for. And the "understanding in his mind"? Bruh if you used that understanding even a little you wouldn't be in that situation trying to mansplain why it's not your fault you can't get a date. Like honestly. Why should any woman waste time on men like that when their view of what a relationship should be does not match with what most women want. If you don't want to put in effort into a relationship you don't want a partner: you're a spoiled brat who wants a mum you can fuck. If it's that hard to do the bare minimum effort of bringing something of value to a relationship (emotional support, communication, cooperation, doing your share of the chores, taking responsibilities for your own stuff, and so on) then maybe work on yourself first. I want a partner, not an oversized toddler. Sheesh
The thing about “just being” makes sense without all the rest of the toxicity. The feeling of knowing that you as a person can improve your partner’s happiness by being in their life
Watching his word choice, it sounded like he felt he wasn't measuring up to the standard someone else set in his head and is struggling with it internally. The bit about parents and dog is reflective of receiving unconditional love. It's sad that he doesn't feel he could receive unconditional love because he is exactly what the right person is looking for. Naturally, building a life with someone takes work. It takes effort to create a life for yourself alone as well. There are always things you need and difficulties to face and overcome, but the right person/people around you makes it easier to tackle those challenges. The rest was another "fed to you" rhetoric that he now repeats. Hopefully he'll find his personal value so he doesn't have to seek it in someone else's validation. Then his confidence would help him widen that field and meet someone whom he could build a love that they could share. No strings attached.
‘the bar is so low it’s a tripping hazard in hell, and yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.’
It was almost profound. Like, if he'd been making the argument that men (as do all other adult humans) have to realise both that they have inherent value and yet that they are not simply going to find pure, absolute, unconditional love, of any kind in the adult world, and they also shouldn't want to. A sense of belonging is so important to humans that we often mistake mere fitting in (which is the opposite of belonging) for the real thing. Dogs and gods have the luxury of infinite grace and love. The rest of us have to live in this fallen world, where some people are truly terrible people, and others are merely difficult. Finding people with whom you have a meaningful connection is hugely important, and men deserve to hear that and to know that they have a value outside of their capitalistic production quota. But they still need to find those people, friends and romantic partners, with whom they feel that sense of belonging.
But no, he went with, forget your inherent worth and the importance of that sense of belonging you haven't figured out, focus on being rich and distrustful of women.
The problem is life is a meritocracy in ever possible way and anybody who tells you otherwise has been lying to you.
@@shinzontheta No, it isn't, and you can lie to yourself all you like about it, but I am not moved.
@@saoirsevicteoiria2759ya know I have tried to write like 6 different replies here and nothing sounds right so I'm just going to say this.
I wish to live in the world you reside, but the world I have lived in is vastly different. I also firmly believe that the world alot of men live in is vastly different.
No, it's not enough to just show up and have a 🍆. Some of us are bisexual, polyamorous, and have no preference regarding a partner's genitals anyway. But we want someone who loves and accepts us as we are! You know, that still doesn't sound like all that much...
It is to pathetic losers like him.
“You have to make their life better than it would be without you” 😂😂
It’s literally that simple.
Wait a minute are you telling me women are people with thoughts, desires, feelings of their own? That cannot be!
/s
THANK YOU for talking about Orion Taraban!! He drives me nuts because his licensure is legit and he's out here using data in his videos then drawing conclusions that have nothing to do with the data, and almost everyone in the comments section is men talking about how much women need to see this :,) he drives me bonkers
They shouldn't want women to see this,it will drive their chances of having a relationship even further away.
@@darcy5761 So true!! If anyone in my life showed me his videos it would immediately make me feel distant from them
He is a twit.
A person will absolutely choose you because of the “love in your heart, the beauty in your soul & the understanding in your mind” You will get chosen simply for who you are (as long as you are what a person wants) Because who you are, “the love in your heart, beauty in your soul & understanding in your mind” are all portrayed in your actions. If you are genuine in showing who you are, the love you have, the beauty of your being then that’s what a genuine person will fall in love with.
If they go for you for the job, or your height etc then they are not genuine, this isn’t just an “all women” issue. You want genuine be sincere, not whiny.
💯
Yeah, they won't chose you for the beauty in your soul. Probably because if you are expecting a reward for that, your soul was probably never that beautiful to begin with.
Love the toddler yell at 1:38 🤣
The sad truth in this is that a lot of women would settle for a guy that just didn’t make their life worse. They should be making it better and it should be mutual but neutral and decent is sadly sometimes the best anyone is gonna see. Not worth it even then!
I vividly remember being told that there's no reason to stick around for "someone's potential", because they'll show you who they are with their actions...
*_And here he is, saying the exact opposite LMAO!_* 😂
I laughed so hard during this video at the commentary. Relationships are hard, but you have to put effort into just existing, so why shouldnt a relationship be the same way? Can't know joy without sorrow, right?
I love how he says "maybe with your dog", like even dogs are getting too judgy these days
😂 This made me laugh
These dudes are psychopaths and or have zero to no contact with actual HUMAN women 😂My wife and I have been married for 25 years, I have 8 sisters a mom and a daughter not counting friends aunts cousins etc…I still can’t believe guys think 🤔 women are not people 😂like how 🤷🏿
Does the bar somehow go lower than hell, like is there somewhere lower than that?
It was the sincerity in his voice that killed me 😭.
Yeah the bar for women is even lower seeong that gorlock the destroyer thinks she is a 10
Get him a Chihuahua. Let's see how long he can survive without giving some value to it🤣
It's the disconnect between "deserve" and "earn" - even when you deserve something, you still have to earn it.
I appreciate your videos and your capacity to see reality ❤
You're not supposed to fix each other, but support. I got so lucky my guy makes the same effort as me.
I know plenty of women who love men for their understanding and quality of their soul. A partner who listens and understands who attempts to understand when they don't and has a good soul that calls them to help people, be compassionate, participate equally in a relationship IS what makes their lives enhanced by being with that man.
The above also describes friendship. Which is the foundation of a strong romantic relationship. It is a necessary ingredient but doesn't always result in a romantic relationship or love.
The way I think of it is like baking for a pastry exchange. And friendship is the sugar.
Each different person you meet has unique tastes.. Some are already full, some are in a diet, only want just rock candy, and some don't even like sweets. (I imagine their parents dragged them to the pastry exchange)
So it can be frustrating that you don't know what ingredients, conditions, or time to use to produce what any random given person wants. To make matters worse even if you ask what they want sometimes it just doesn't work out your cake falls because you couldn't spend enough attention on it through no fault of your own. Sometimes it turns out they didn't know themselves that well and they don't actually like what they said they did, or just told you what they thought looked good from that baking show but had never had before. Sometimes they love what you baked but give you a burnt cookie in return.
You can go around complaining that very few people want to call raw sugar a dessert and exchange a baked good for it. Or that baking is hard, so why bake anything. You can buy store bought cake peddled by salty bakers who claim it is what everyone really wants and keep your sugar to yourself. Or you can decide what you like in a dessert and work on making the best version of that and finding someone who also likes that and bakes something you like as well. Then as you continue to enjoy exchanging pastries together you can tweak toppings or decorations as time goes by until you are baking together.
... that got away from me.
Any way my point is baking is hard and you can't please everyone. But somewhere out there is a person who will appreciate what you can bake and together neither of you will ever have to buy cake again.
Heh. I was wondering where you were going with it, but I enjoyed where you ended up. It really was a good analogy.
this man is saying "you need to bring something to a relationship" like he found the Rosetta stone. yeah, thats how relationships work.
It goes both ways, because these men who expect a women to love them for who they are, only value women for their beauty. Women are already bringing something to the relationship for the man.
But the bar is so so low. Conversation. Companionship. Just listening to her. Being there for her when she needs support. The bar is so so so sooooooo low.
OH, and some cleanliness, grooming, and taking care of yourself helps too. She's probably got a beauty and skin care routine and you can't even use soap. You are already 3 steps behind. Take care of yourself first, that shows that you can take care of someone else at least slightly better than average.
Wow! You mean we -- men AND women -- have to bring SOMETHING USEFUL to the table before someone will POSSIBLY spend the rest of our natural lives in a relationship with us?!?!? I never knew?!?! Mind blown 😂😂😂😂😂
So much hate for women...
It's very simple... it is enough to be you, to be loved. But it takes work to be with somebody.