Consent Shouldn’t Be This Hard To Understand
Vložit
- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- I should also add on, if someone is hitting you, regardless of gender, leave. No one deserves to be physically or emotionally abused in a relationship.
It terrifies me how little things have changed in the past 25+ years about how we tell young men to approach and interact with women.
TikTok: / speechprof
Instagram: / thespeechprof
Facebook: / thespeechprof
Twitter: / speech_prof
Pinterest: / thespeechprofessor
#toxicmasculinity #datingadvice #datingtips #datingadvice101 #datingcoach #redflags
"If she's staring at your lips, it means she wants to kiss you"
Deaf woman: 😥
Also us with auditory processing difficulties or just not wanting to make eye contact 🥲
I choked on my apple juice reading this
Or he has spinach stuck between his teeth.
Yup, you beat me to it! I've been losing my hearing since I was eleven, was lip-reading by the time I was fifteen, and now have hearing aids in both ears, but still need to lip-read in tandem with that. PLEASE, random men who are students of this guy, don't kiss me just because I'm trying to decipher what you're saying to me!
Also ADHD woman with occasional auditory processing problems...
Even in the seventies, it was infuriating when a man responded to my anger with "I love you" or "You're beautiful when you're angry." It's dismissive.
💀💀💀💀 some people are lucky the person they were saying that to had enough self restraint to argue back or just walk away.
it allows them to 'win' an argument every time... without having to recognize what the argument is about or if they even did anything.
One ex one time Kiss me when i was screaming at him hahahahahahhahaha dude did he thought that out right was a 90s romcom, sadly that throphy was very common silent girls angel with a Kiss .... Oh i became angrier
Oof. I felt that in my bones.
@@AwkwardPain yep so
they don't have to "deal with"
“Advice” like this and Nice Guy Syndrome™ go hand in hand: “What do you mean you don’t want to sleep with me?! I put in all the right cheat codes!”
Oh boy! Can you say it louder for those in the back? This is what I’m talking about! 👏 👏 👏
once this self professed "Nice Guy"
tried to pretend, saying hmmm why
should I do you, you're trouble, you
are a "bitch", you are blablabla. like
saying *I* was The one who wanted
that 🤢🤮 with *him* like nigge bie
Oh craaapppp, you just went straight to level 2.
This is funny and sad at the same time because of how RIGHT you are
"But I put in all the Nice Coins in the Girl Vending Machine! You're supposed to spit out sex!"
“Not all men! …”
“But hey guys, so ALL women …”
Maybe the answer is to see people as people, as individuals with complex feelings, wants and needs rather than just their gender
Haha, you juat summed up the whole thing
@vinkei4521 This is the only logical thing to do. Unfortunately humans are lazy so they’d rather think of half the human race as a single entity than deal with the reality that everyone has their own problems, feelings and circumstances.
I'm taking a screenshot of this perfect comment.
Best comment lol
there is one word guys like this seem to forget: consent.
Or they redefine it. Clearly this dude thinks a girl starring at his mouth is consent. 🤦♂️
@grease monkey. Damn straight. Edit: Truly. ⚘💙
"You're going to need consent, which is a noise she makes, not a feeling you feel"
-Taylor Tomlinson
Until their in prison, then consent is understood fully.
We are fantasy objects to them. You can See it here, he doesn't even question himself. He makes a video and shares this with the entire world.
"If she acts all tough and strong with you..."
Yeah... this guy doesn't see women as adults who should be taken seriously but as fragile beings who are trying to "play" strong and confident.
The idea that women’s anger or confidence or any other scenario where she uses “strong” speech or body language is a sign for men to coddle and/or condescend to her because he is physically stronger than her therefore her “attempted display of strength” is “cute” rather than something to be treated seriously is why I can’t read about 99% of straight romance stories lmao Every time a female character expresses anger, and her love interest thinks about how it’s cute that she’s trying to be imposing to him, a big strong manly man, and he either exerts his physical dominance over her to shut her up or gently placates her like a toddler without actually treating her concerns seriously, I wither up inside!
@@Cheezbuckets don't worry your pretty little head about those novels.
Or he thinks of women as toddlers. Which is problematic on many levels.
@@neolithic3 lmao troll
I'm a brick of a woman, I'd break that lil guy in half if he put me in a position where I thought I needed to defend myself lol. Boundaries are different in every relationship because people like and are cool with different things, I don't doubt a girlfriend he's had liked these things but she's one person, not a relationship guide
If a person physically harms you or purposely hurts you emotionally: That is not love. That is abuse. It does not matter if the perpetrator is a woman. It does not matter if the partner is a man. It is not okay for women to be violent towards their partners. Men deserve to be in relationships with partners who are not violent with them. Abuse is wrong no matter the gender. No matter what an abuser might say - You deserve better
I agree with that 100%
@@TheRealSpeechProf Can you tell me how to find the video? I'd like to see if he clarifies anything in the comment section
@Emotionally Repressed Man Even if that is the case, his advice is bad. Majority of women want their boundaries respected. It is only in a situation where the woman is psychologically abusive that his (original poster's) advice would make sense, even if it's still bad advice and the correct response is leaving.
100%
When I was in my 20s there was a guy who hugged me from behind. So I turned around and punched him in his ear and he fell unconscious. An ambulance was called and etc. But the guy learnt 2 valuable lessons 1st girls can punch, alright? and 2nd, DON'T HUG PEOPLE FROM BEHIND without their consent
Grabbing a woman actively trying to get away from you sounds like the beginning of “how I ended up in the emergency room” or “why I was arrested for assault”, depending on her temperament. We understand words, just ask if we’re okay and if we want to talk about it or be distracted from it. It’s not complicated…sigh
Yeeeeeeah………. my husband knows if I’m angry to just give me some space, if he tried to say “I love you” or even worse, pull me in for a kiss and not let me move away, that would make me way angrier. Saying I love you in that moment just feels dismissive of my feelings. And pulling me in when I need space is going to make me 100x angrier. Sometimes people just need to be alone with their feelings and calm down!!
Unfortunately for men like these it is that complicated, because they just cant hear anything if it comes out of a womans mouth.
(putting makeup on) How I put my abusive ex in the emergency room STORYTIME!
Yes, or the beginning of a piece on the local news, because she is no longer able to tell her story, because her funeral is on Tuesday.
@@kittycake713 men should understand that! That's usually their own MO!
As a woman I can confirm we’re an eldritch species from beyond the sky who speak in an indecipherable tongue.
Who’s this we shit? 😉
I FUCKIN KNEW IT! 🙃🙃
Shhh! You're not supposed to let them know!
And you have a hive mind
As a gay man I can confirm that millions of straight men would read this, take it non-ironically, and say to themselves, "Ok, well that explains why I'm so totally lost. Now where can I take classes in this language?"
Story time- After I ghosted my abusive ex, he sent me emails and messages on social media about how it's okay and he forgives me. That was when I knew 100% I made the right choice.
Glad you got out!
I’m glad you were able to get away from him safely. All the best.
Quoting my own awful ex:
“Why does it take two people to start a relationship but only one to end it?”
Because we BOTH have to be happy, you dingbat!
@@AjehyOh he was slow slow. Glad you got out of that.
amazing
Two important C words this dude is missing. CONSENT and CONTEXT. They make a huge difference. This advice treats human interaction like the Konami code of achieving girlfriend. When the boss monster Girl You Like does move Stare At Mouth that is the sign you have entered Phase 4 of battle, use combo X Y Up Up B Down Kiss Her to defeat her and win the coveted Girlfriend reward. A woman pushing or hitting you could be light playful flirting, sibling-like rough-housing, abusive, feels threatened and trying to escape, sparring/self-defence class, etc. The context and tone of actions and her words would be completely different in each of those situations.
This. ☝️
Thank you very much for making this clear!
A lot of what that guy said was actually very good advice. Normal people do not need qualifiers on relationship advice to avoid commiting assault. Prof is just a simp who is taking nuanced information in an absolute context.
@@goazer2 ok try that but you are the ‘girl’.
Some weirdo sees you looking at their lips and you get kissed by them? What happens if you don’t know them, or don’t like them?
Imagine you are walking around doing something and someone picks you up like a baby out of nowhere? If you don’t like it then people probably won’t too
@@DeepSeaLugia That's not what that guy is advocating. There's scientific research which has found that women look at your mouth when attracted to you. So if you're on a date with a girl and it's going well or you're in a relationship with a girl and she's looking at your mouth it normally means she wants you to kiss her.
It's stupid to demonize this guy because he's not lampshading everything he says with consent tags so incels don't get confused. All he's doing is not virtue signaling by grand standing about consent. Which is what the person reacting is doing.
As far as the mouth thing that's been circulating and resurging in the male dating advice space for at least 15 years. No idea where it originally came from.
Instead of doing all these things men should just talk to their partners like they are actual people. I truly can't understand why they will do all this crazy shit except have an actual conversation. 🤦🏾♀️
Yes. Yes. YES!
Literally, they'll do anything BUT communicate with their partner.
because these misogynists
refuse to deal with women.
they just *refuse* . it's a no
@@falsehoodbasher7240 it goes beyond that. Even with guys who are into guys, it's not unheard of that they don't know how to treat their partner. Which I actually find kind of curious because it doesn't come with that "women are like [x,y,z], which is unlike us meaning we have to treat them like [a,b,c]" that pops up with them being into women. I wonder, for the people who act like that who are into men, where does that same "I treat you like this as though you're an impossible to dechiper eldritch horror" thing come from.
@@trickytreyperfected1482 if by "into" you
mean ATTRACTED then gays are gay bc
of issues with parents. their parents, 2
of them, failed them. if there was one,
at least *one* good-enough parent he
wouldn't BE gay. any birth defect such
as effeminate baby will be over-ridden
by good-enough parenting. because
of these issues, it is not surprising a
gay will have codependent relations.
gays hate women *and* men too, they
just hate nature. just like misogynists
hate men too. all misogynists are
misandrists and vice versa. being
attracted to different than your nature
makes nO difference to your psyche.
My ex used to restrain me.
I'm afraid of a basic hug now because I'm terrified of being trapped again.
Do. Not. Ever. Restrain someone who is trying to get away from you. Just don't.
I’m so sorry you went through that 😢
As a guy, the fact that isn’t common knowledge makes me sick. I’ve only ever had to restrain someone I was with once, and that was to stop them from trying to hurt themselves long enough for me to call someone who could help. Even though I was doing the right thing in that situation, I still felt bad for having to do it. It hurt me to have to do it. How do other men not feel the same?
Bless people that ask if hugs are okay with you before going in for one. Even though hugs aren't my thing, I usually consent if asked, because I'm just so pleased THAT they asked.
More importantly. Don't hit them after you win and they go limp
@@NicK-wu8xy😳😲😱😰 WHAT??!!!!??!!!
“When you literally assault a woman, and she is never going to speak to you again, remind her that it was her fault for setting boundaries but you forgive her.”
"I forgive you. After all, women are irrational and immature and as a man, I have to make the first move to fix everything. I am such a catch, and you wouldn't want everybody else in out friend group to think that you did something to upset me, right? You would regret not staying with me, because who else would love you?"
Sociopath ppl do that lol
“If you see her walking around, sneak up on her and hug her” lol I literally broke a guy’s nose that way 😂. He came up to hug me and I elbowed him in the nose before I knew who it was. I felt so bad but I start laughing uncontrollably when I’m super stressed, which DID NOT help the situation.
LOL, I punched my husband in the face when he thought it would be cute to kiss me in my sleep, and I reacted out of pure instinct. I apologized soooo much as soon as I woke up enough to realize what I did. I've also nearly broken his wrist when he tried to shake my shoulder to wake me and elbowed him in the gut once when he sneaked up for a surprise hug. Men don't seem to realize, women (especially those of us who have been assaulted in the past) have been trained to default to "suppress the attacker" defense mode. My husband learned, no sneaking up on me. He will call my name to wake me up instead of touching me, announce he's there if he enters the bathroom while I'm showering, and does not sneak up if I have headphones on in the kitchen.
My mother came from an extremely abusive home. Even after over 50 years of marriage my father still calls her name and waits until she acknowledges him before touching her.
He has told me he is so glad that HE was the one who is going deaf in his old age not her because he's not sure how he would get her attention when they go for a walk in the park and he's out of her line of sight....
@@rhov-anion lol same. Because of previous assault/abuse as a preteen/teen, im the same way and hubby had to learn real fast. One time when we were newlyweds in our fixer upper and a window closed and fell on my fingers. He came running when he heard me scream and grabbed my hands to see the damage but as a AS I have a real fear/problem with being tied up/confined etc and I went absurdly absolutely ape shit. He backed up real quick 😂😂 and that’s the day he learned that i can go full on bat shit crazy 😝
@@alarcon99 I don't think that necessarily full-on bat shit crazy, sounds like PTSD. I'm a rape survivor and I have a lot of this reactions, like if I feel backed into a corner, no matter the situation I will full on swing on somebody no matter who they are. I definitely don't take surprises well. If I felt threatened enough to actually hit someone and they restrained me, like the guy in the video I am not sure what I'd do, but there would probably be a hospital visit and/or police case involved somehow.
There are reasons why you react the way you do. Your body has learned to respond violently to things it has learned are threats, it's a survival mechanism, it doesn't make you crazy, just means you've got some trauma to work through and you need to communicate with your partner what you need. If they are a decent person they will understand and be supportive.
@@amandaking6554 ya as a dude please tell us whats up
If you need certain concessions to feel safe be up front about.
Haveing our first introduction to your "triggers" be a violent reaction is just bad for everyone and quite avoidable
I can imagine its not fun to talk about but we cant take into account what we dont know
I almost died at 1. I am Deaf. Most of the people in my life sign, but one of the hardest parts of the pandemic that few people talk about is how hard it is to be Deaf and go to the grocery store, the gas station, a salon, even getting medical care now... because we all rely on some level of lip reading around Hearing. You better not fucking kiss me when I'm just trying to order my coffee.
This! I'm autistic and although I can hear, it helps a lot if I can see people's mouths when they're talking. Again, not an invitation for a kiss.
I'm pretty sure The guy was
talking about during a hot date
@@falsehoodbasher7240 Doesn't matter. Don't make assumptions and *ask* before kissing someone.
@@mariaaguadoball3407 wow.
I guess I've been assaulted
ALL of mY life, by e v e r y
guy I've ever dated. not
one has asked. wow. I
thought it was normal.
@@falsehoodbasher7240 Just because you personally don't mind doesn't mean no one minds.
And the fact you think it's normal is just sad.
These people seem to forget that the hottest thing you can do for someone, is to make sure they are consenting.
💯 respect is hot 🥵
"Ma'am, please sign this sexual intercourse contract down here.
...
Mmmh yeah. Just the way I like it. The curvature of your signature is so hot ma'am."
How to interact with women:
Step 1: Acknowledge that they are human beings.
Step 2: Speak with them like human beings.
Step 3: When they speak or present certain body language, listen to them like they are human beings.
Step 4: Respect them and their boundaries like you would a human being.
Women and men are not different species. They way you interact with one or the other should not be radically different. We're just people, bro.
guys like this will try talking to a woman like a normal person but when she says she's not interested in him suddenly she's a MyStErIoUs cReAtUrE he must decode because she couldn't possibly not be interested in him, he is interested in her and therefore he must have her and it's just a matter of convincing her that she actually does want him. it all boils down to can't take no for an answer.
@@dietotaku I really wish men like those you described had a symbol develop on the end of their noses from expressing themselves disrespectfully to people 3 or more times, so that we could recognize them for speaking disrespectfully in the past, and avoid them. And if they've really worked on themselves, and begin consistently expressing themselves to people respectfully, the symbol can fade.
I know it's not realistic; a woman can dream... And maintain appropriate boundaries! 💪🏻
That would be very strange if they were a different species I don’t know where you’re getting this from
Frrr
Fun fact: If you interact with women like you do with men, you're almost guaranteed to end up in jail.
Yes, taxonomically we are the same species, but all empirical evidence puts that into question. They are exceptions, of course, but if you expect them to be the rule you won't get far.
My ex did these "playful" things like grab me by the neck and pretend to strangle me or pick me up and carry me around even when I was protesting and just wanted to be left alone because he thought it's funny when I'm struggling to get away but he can overpower me, it's not funny for me.
The second any guy did the playful choking thing he would most CERTAINLY be an ex. Possibly an ex-convict depending on the actions that followed. I don't blame you for breaking up with the guy, he sounds like he didn't show you any respect.
Dude, memory unlocked. I had a dance class and HATED getting paired up with this one guy because he thought it was hilarious how tiny I was and how easily he could spin me around. 🤮
I'm glad he's your ex.
One thing I do want to add, just to push back slightly, is that both partners need to communicate. I don't know what happened specifically in your relationship and I don't want to diminish your experience, but I think it's worth giving my perspective as a guy from just reading your comment so that we can all understand one another better. Boundaries have to be stated clearly, struggling to get away and saying stop can easily be interpreted as part of the playing. If he keeps doing it over and over again, it's probably because he doesn't realize it's bothering you. If he actually didn't care how you felt, he'd be doing this much worse than that. It's not really possible for a guy to respect your boundaries if he doesn't know what they are. We're used to roughhousing, we do it a lot, especially when we're younger. Noogies wouldn't be very fun if we stopped as soon as the other guy cried ow. To get us to stop, you have to say so in no uncertain terms. "It genuinely bothers me when you do that and I want you to stop." That will work on most guys who try to play around. I say this because so many guys are absolutely paralyzed by women. They look like they're walking on eggshells around them. They're so afraid of even the most minor of touches because they don't know what counts as "too far" and a trying to balance flirting, or even just being friendly, with not scaring her off, or even worse, getting charged with assault.
@@popers1328 "boundaries have to be stated clearly"
How about don't try to choke someone, you psychopath.
This comment is downright disgusting. "Struggling to get away and saying stop can easily be interpreted as part of the playing." That's a you problem. If you're incapable of respecting people, get shot in the head.
Literally grasping at straws and trying everything to blame male actions on women.
You can't say "boundaries need to be stated clearly" and then go "this expression of you stating your boundaries clearly is actually just part of the playing."
Struggling to get away and saying stop IS clearly stating the boundary. Ffs.
And the fact that you talk about men fearing being charged with assauIt... you know, rather than men fearing "accidentally" committing assauIt, it says a lot about where your priorities lie.
"Men are paralysed... Trying to balance flirting, or even being friendly"
Let me make it clear for you. Don't fu/cking choke women. If she's trying to get away from you and saying stop, she's not playing.
Men are brain damaged.
If she hits you or pushes you (not in a playful way, or idk in a mutually consensual bdsm way) then please leave. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship.
Unless it's in self defence... Um... Yeah actually... the guy should leave then, too. She does NOT want you near her!
@@lexwithbub sounds like this guy's attitude is "if she tries to leave, no matter what the reason, trap her because she can't leave unless you say she can leave"
@@OdinsSage yeah, ultimately it comes straight out of the "no actually means yes" grapist playbook.
um. wrong. some people do.
Exactly. Had to punch a guy's wrist once to get him to let me go because he thought because I was friendly, he had a right to grab my hand and pull me toward his room after I told him I didn't want to go with him. Seriously. Dude thought it was 'flirting.' Blech.
Something more that people need to remember is that consent isn't given permanently, just because you've gotten consent from your partner to do something once, does not mean that that consent is never ending..
THIS!!!!
Imma start diagnosing stuff like this as “Cheat Code Syndrome” 😂😂😂
To men who think that this advice works every time; I have news for you! Each woman is different. We each, ALL of us, have our own personalities, likes and dislikes, tastes, coping mechanisms and history. No two of us are exactly the same. And history matters, because some of us have had trauma that effected us in ways that few understand. If I try to walk away, and you pull me back, my ptsd will kick in, and we'll both regret it. We are individuals, not some group to be conquered. And don't touch until you have permission. When in doubt, ASK!
True tho. I mean I even would be scared of not having self controll enogh and steping back and reflect about something that made me upset bc of an over-reaction and breaking the relationship of without thinking rationaly atm ... But even then I would need space and after I can think straight again we should talk and see if either behavior was acceptable/how it can be improved and not be held back from leaving that'd be very not okay
Totally agree, as a fellow survivor with PTSD. I don't even want to imagine how I'd feel if some random guy snuck up and gave me a ninja-hug from behind. I'm way more likely to just freeze rather than hurt him in any way, but damn, I'd be a MESS for hours, if not DAYS, afterwards.
It's sad enough that something this obvious has to be told to men
@@Hello-hello-hello456 It's an example of how males and females both perpetuate misogyny, and how deeply ingrained it is within all cultures even nowadays.
@ApplesWithPeanutButter my first partner had a book called “The Rules” which was supposed to find them (then “her”) a perfect relationship. It was a guide to manipulation and gaslighting because their mom had convinced them that this was the only way to find and keep a partner.
Consent, people! Don’t just do shit to people without asking! Especially if they don’t like being touched without knowing first!
I’ve been fortunate enough to have never been abused/assaulted and I STILL hate being touched unexpectedly. Shows and movies always make it seem like it would be startling but romantic but to me it has always felt startling and NOT romantic.
As someone who was molested by two different me, YES. Also, don't touch my hair. I know it's long and curly but just don't. It messes up the curl pattern. Just thought I'd throw that in.
If she’s hitting you, break up. Ain’t no room for that shit from either party.
It's weird, and not in a fun way, how you cannot tell if the "girl" in his examples is a friend, a partner, a coworker or someone he just met. Sincerely hope he does know the difference.
I don’t think he does
Doesn't actually matter, because it's terrible advice no matter the context. And the fact that you can't tell what context he's imagining just reflects the nature of "all women are the same". Which is the base level of wrong, here, that he's building more wrongness on top of.
He's very obviously talking about a partner or someone you're dating, and the people going "oh so you just walk up to random women and kiss them because they looked at your mouth?" are being wilfully dense.
@@alisoncowan9522 It's funny that whenever a guy makes a video about dating tips and relationship advices there will be people like you nitpicking and tearing the guy down in the comments, but I never in my life seen a relationship advice video that everyone approved. Please make or link a video about 'the real advice' it you really want to help clueless men. Complaining about it in the comments is not helping anyone. 🙄
@@Sarahlikestohike fr
Woman language from a woman: pay attention to the body language and actual language of a woman before deciding on a course of action. See, simple and easier to remember than that young guy's nonsense.
I wonder what their problem is with treating women like people?
Genuinely, why do they pass around all these cheat codes and workarounds and "translations" to avoid treating their partner or potential partner like an individual who is perfectly capable of communicating in a straightforward manner?
-the part of me that's fed up with people says it's denial about the fact that relationships and general living require maintenance, so "women never say what they mean" allows them to pretend the obvious problems caused by them shoving all the routine work onto their partner are unsolvable puzzles until the relationship falls apart "all of a sudden, with no warning" from neglect-
@@jasperhernandez7364 who hurt you
@@jasperhernandez7364 I'm asking this, because you're obsessively commenting under several of Prof's videos with an antagonistic zeal for women. Is OP wrong or something? How is your comment relevant to her? You sound like you just can't stand it when a woman expresses her opinion.
@@madeline6951 I swear I do not get the concept of hate watching. There are soooo many videos CZcams has suggested to me that I know will just piss me off, and so many creators I've heard of that I know I'd hate. So I just don't watch them, and I sure as hell don't comment on them, because why would I want to boost their signal with a click?
@@jasperhernandez7364 what "convo" lol, from the start I was asking an unrelated question 💀
You didn't "add", you disagreed. That's what words like "yes" and "no" (or "nah") are for.
..And the rest is jibberish. The deterioration of man ig 🤷♀️
If I'm staring at someone's mouth, it's probably because they have broccoli/pepper in their teeth and I haven't had a chance to tell them. It most certainly isn't because I want to kiss them.
Being purposely dense somthing that needed to be looked at more, especially in this guy's channel 🙄
This was exactly what I was thinking. 😂 I'm not sure whether it would be obvious from the outside if I'm staring at someone's mouth because it looks lusciously desirable or because I'm grossly fascinated by their lack of dental hygiene.
“If you physically over power her, she will accept defeat and learn to love you.”
Any man who lives that way is giving the women in his life evidence that juries can use to conclude a reasonable person’s response against the man’s physical attack can include deadly force. He’s escalating and putting women in reasonable fear for their lives. Rapists kill their victims often enough that a reasonable person being grabbed and overpowered repeatedly would prefer to be judged by 12 rather than carried by 6.
🤢
Regrettably in the manosphere, I can see that mindset taking hold. It's bananas of course but so many are hung up on this dominant nonsense that they think they're making a good impression, when in Fact they're committing assault
Had a co-worker who grabbed my waist, I gave him one warning, and the next time my elbow went directly into his solar plexus. 😅 he never spoke to me again, and I couldn't have been happier.
100% agree that the playbook mentality needs to go in the garbage bin. Just do the work of communicating with your partner and listening to what they want. They should do the same for you. If you're scared to communicate with your partner for whatever reason, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
I was married and hubby did the sneaky waist grabby thing.
Exactly ONCE. Because my very first reaction was kicking the crap out of the shins belonging to grabby hands who I didn't know was hubby.
And I'm trained to kick THROUGH the shin. Not against them. So yeah, the pain reinforced the message:
"No grabby hands"
@@jacobus57 you did not read she didn't know it was her husband?
I'll do the hugs from behind with my partner but I always make sure that I've been in their periphery first. Don't want to startle them, just want to give them hugs without being in the way if they're busy 😊
@@mistressofuniverses I do this as well, but I *DO* want to startle her. 😂
The difference is that I'm a 5' lesbian, and my partner is 5'10" and almost twice my build, so my startle-hugs can in no way be perceived as a threat in a home environment. (She also has no history of trauma being restrained or jumped by cannibalistic children from behind or anything, of course.)
Please don't tell me it happened in your home when he was the only other person inside, because that'd just be extremely sad.
@@LecherousLizardeven then, context is important; we dont know what OP went through to react like this. Maybe they have trauma with being restrained and startled and so it was an automatic reaction. Even in your own home with someone who trusts yiu, when in doubt ASK
The worst part is that his intention is clearly to be "good" to her. Why is it so hard for so many young men to wrap their head around the fact that their female peers aren't a different species?
If you wouldn't like being patted on the head and spoken to like you're a baby by your girlfriend, rest assured neither does she.
This is how abusive relationships start. Stop teaching men that women being violent/aggressive towards them is cute. Or that she's just testing them. Play wrestling with your partner every now and again is fine if you have pre established healthy boundaries. But them hitting or screaming at you as a norm is not ok.
It REALLY makes me wonder what the heck kind of woman he's dated before...
That's one thing I'm wondering about. More generally I wonder how the demand for these kinds of videos came about.
He looks like a kid, so probably another brainwashed kid who thinks this is romantic or appropriate. When I was a teen I also thought this was dramatic and beautiful or whatever. 🤢
We really gotta stop teaching this insane narrative to children.
I mean, it could be none. We don't know if this is actually coming from experience or if he is verbatim repeating talking points he heard other people say online.
one attracted to misogynists
No one he's dated no one! 🤣
Someone unexpectedly grabbing me from behind is in for a world of pain; if they then restrain me, they will bleed.
No worries, he'll then kiss you and tell you that he loves you 🤣
@@br3669 And they wonder why birth rates are declining. Seriously.
Y E S . I think there needs to be a worldwide free class that teaches men and women how to actually respect each other.
The questions is, why the hell did we all forget? In the past we understood consent. But nowadays…
literally though
@@DieFarbeLila88 well maybe not, do we really know? the past was romanticized and a lot of things were kept behind doors/ppl told 2 be silent. but maybe youre right, who knows if it's gotten worse, but i dont think it was better.
@@DieFarbeLila88 no we fucking didn't lmfao whatever problems there are with gender dynamics now I promise you were a billion times worse in the past
THAT WOULD BE FUCKING AMAZING
Sneaking up like that fool gonna get assaulted right back. My PTSD doesnt wait for my brain. Just glad my partner isnt that dense
"If a girl looks at your mouth, kiss her."
Dude must be in a very serious relationship with his dentist then
If some random dude sneaks up on me and hugs me, they're going to get what's called an injury. 💀
Fun (not really) thing I remembered thanks to this! Once my ex did the thing of hugging me from behind my back when I didn't know he was there. As I am a SA survivor (thing he did know) you can imagine how I reacted.
It was in a public space (college campus) so upon seeing me screaming for my life and hitting him to get away some people restrained him and beat him up. Of course he was furious at me later and broke up with me.
Haven't dated a guy since, don't plan to ever do it again.
I hear ya sis. Same here. Broke a guy’s nose that way 😅
My little sister used to do what she called "hug attacks", where she would run up behind me, slam into me, and hug me. That made me dislike hugs for years. I don't have any ill will towards her for it, but still. The amount of times I almost punched her in the face in public for that.
I feel you. If someone’s gonna do that kind of shit while fully knowing your story and gets mad at you for it later, I honestly think being alone is 1000 times better
I've had partners do that while we were home, while I was cooking. The amount of restraint I had to muster for not turning around and slicing him with a knife was high.
Basically a pro tip: never sneak up on any woman in any circumstance.
@@jasperhernandez7364 Found the rapist
I've heard tons of horror stories that can be linked to this kind of thinking, but really hits me to hear "to hug her from her waist" when I still cannot recover from a friend's story of how she was nearly kidnapped in that way
* laughs nervously *
So ... I grew up with an abusive sibling who would grab me from behind and, uh, hurt me a lot. For fun. Like, he'd dig his fingers under my collarbone and use it as a handle. So when someone grabs me from behind, my reflexive response is to thrust both elbows straight back into whoever's back there. I've cracked people's ribs this way. It's an involuntary response.
So by this guy's logic, someone who loves me should grab me from behind, take two elbows to the ribcage, and then hold on to me while I'm panicking and/or apologizing and/or trying to bite him?! Instead of saying, "Hey, honey," before touching me and giving me a chance to not hurt him?!
Nonsense like this is why I'm glad I have the option to date women.
this is like, very late but- i hope youre doing ok now! that sounds terrible :(
If this guy wanted to give instructions on how to get a swift knee to the groin he is on point! This is not how to win over a "girl".
Dude just read romance novels and thought those were okay.
@@roxassora2706 to be fair there's so many toxic relationships in popular media. Toxic relationships make drama easy. It's difficult to make drama from healthy relationships.
Thank you. As someone that has gone through the restraining as a kid (I got angry, tried to get away and my mom would grab me and not let go when I tried to get away) I can tell you that shit's traumatic as hell. If a guy was grabbing me during an argument and not let go when I'm trying to get space, I would most likely start hitting him to get free. And should they try to kiss me mid-argument... no. Just no. Not even if we were in a relationship.
I'm autisticand ADHD and I look at people's mouth/nose area to comprehend what they're saying and because I struggle with eye contact but want to signal that I'm listening. I also struggle to know the appropriate amount of time to hold eye contact when I feel able to meet someone's eye.
Please don't touch or kiss me or stare me down. 😐
As someone who was tiny and and twiggy for most of my life, it was very easy to drag me around. And I did get dragged around. Picked up by family members, pulled by the wrist by friends who wanted me to go with them somewhere, held by the waist by men who were trying to incite romantic interaction…
I know they typically meant no harm, but it was annoying. It can still be annoying if someone tries that. I’ve had to communicate to partners that I do not want to be dragged around. If they want to pick me up or hold me, they need to ask. If I say yes, then they can. And they have to let go when I pull away. And vice versa. I ask others for their consent and I will respect it. And I will let go when they pull away.
Nothing is more frustrating than not being in control of your own body.
Last year my daughter's classmate posted a video just like that one with some random guy saying about the same things. The girl was 12 then.
I felt I had to tell her something in a jokingly way and so I did. I basically told her that if a guy doesn't ask for her consent to hug her or kiss her he's not being romantic and she should run fast.
She replied "ok" and blocked me.
The next thing I did was to have a good chat with my daughter to make sure she knows how to set healthy boundaries
Growing up with undiagnosed (at the time) autism, all the social stuff and rules, and the way you're supposed to interact with people, it's been absolutely arcane to me for the longest time cause the way I naturally use my brain and body to express myself is extremely far from what's thought as "normal"; so what I did when I finally started to understand that, was to try to learn and remember the rules like I was studying for school, not unlike what guys like this young gentleman are doing/teaching here.
In my specific situation, it was actually helpful cause at the beginning I was almost "feral" and learning the basics did actually help, but I reached the limits of this mindset quite fast and had to start adapting.
Now, the reason I'm talking about that is while doing this whole thing, what I noticed was that, guys, non autistic, neurotypical guys, A LOT of them, were feeling roughly the same way than me about social stuff, especially when it came to involving women but not exlusively, guys were lost, dumbfounded, scared, confused, they did not understand people nor how to interact with them, guys were completely clueless and I was baffled by how COMMON this was.
Now from what I understand, talking with thoses guys, they were never taught ANYTHING about social/human interactions, no one ever told them it was in any way important or even a thing, no one pushed them toward learning about it aside from very basic kindergarden level "being around other people without making a mess" and when they finally grew up to understand they didn't know better, they were to confused and scared to ask, they didn't know who, or even what to ask, guys even BONDED over the fact they had no idea how to interact with people in some "no social, only action and common interests/values" type of friendships; and the thing is, it's so common, unlike being autistic, that's it's pretty much normal, so there isn't the same amount of pressure to change that I felt as a clearly "out of the norm" person;
but for those who are actually trying to change, there isn't much to learn from It seems, most of those guys are too old and don't know enough to ask their parents, or teachers, they can't ask their friends cause they themselves don't know better, they can't ask random stranger or people they meet cause it's not their job to educate them on something they should have learned when they were kids, so they have to do it on their own ... and that's why I think media like "this is how you interact with woman/people in this or this situation" exists and why is it still so common nowadays, there is a surprisingly HUGE market for this, guys talking to guys about this "being a guy experience", could be as a way to try and share what one's learned with his fellow guys to try and help them, it could be done slightly more maliciously in an attempt to get some clout, could be both, I dunno, but belive me this shit is still being told because there are a lot of guys who don't know better that are looking for it and it feels like there isn't much other than that for them.
It kinda feels like, maybe there is a problem somewhere in the social education of men worldwide ? something like "no one cares about it nearly enough", so a lot of poorly educated guys try to do it themselves and it's a mess ?
Or maybe not, I dunno, I still have autism, I don't fully trust myself on this stuff, but those were my two cents, thx for your time, and have a great day everyone. :)
No need to doubt yourself, you are absolutely correct. Men are not taught social interraction the same as women. And women are taught to be the accommodating ones and to take all the social responsibility because sexism. It fucks us all up.
I appreciate your insight. FWIW, I don't recall ever being taught any rules of socializing and I was raised a girl. I think it's mostly taught through experience and example. That does make it harder for autistic people. I was probably encouraged to seek out and pay attention to social experiences more than my boy classmates.
I am also autistic and tbh what you said is pretty true. I was always astonished by the fact that my male classmates acted like literal kindergarteners (throwing food during class, getting into "play" fights, etc) while I was either ignored or bullied for my behaviour that caused NO HARM to anyone - ever. When I thought more about it I realized that I was *forced* to learn how to act more mature and adult (basically how to mask) so other kids wouldn't pick on me while the way these boys acted was perceived as "normal teenage boys behaviour that they'll grow out of eventually" so no one ever told them how to socialize or build any meaningful or close relationship. It's really upsetting to think about how kids aren't getting a proper education in the social skills department to the point where they don't even realize what kind of impact they have on others or where they can't have any type of relationships when they grow up and have to use fiction and questionable internet advice from strangers as examples of "normal" behaviour
Thank you. Parents nowadays just say "NO! We don't do that!" to children without explaining WHY.
@@sidneyboo9704 Nothing about nowadays - it's been that way for a long time. My mother at least would explain why something was wrong, but most other adults I knew didn't. It was always "because I said so". And they likely learned that from their parents, and so on. It's a cycle we have to break.
This sounds romantic (to someone who isn't aware of consent) in books and movies *at most.* IRL, it's terrifying.
That’s how I always feel about that trick guys do in media of getting a woman against a wall and putting his hand on the wall by her face. I haaaaaate it. I would run if I could escape or fight if I couldn’t. Zero romance -.-
@@Nortarachanges Sameee. Also, I forgot the context of the video and if this is mentioned but also the 'kiss her to make her stop arguing/talking' and the 'pull her back if she wants to leave' tropes too. I don't know if it is as prevalent in media but it was in books I used to read and it still activates my fight or flight (though fight and flight would be the correct one for me for this) response if the thought of that happening irl crosses my mind.
@@Saphia_ oh yeah that stuff is real creepy. Like her having a thing to say is somehow not worth spending time on. No. Man says it’s kiss time, so it’s kiss time -.-
@@Nortarachanges Exactly! It's so creepy.
Don't surprise hug people from behind. Especially not in public spaces. My little sister went through a phase where she did that (meaning absolutely no harm, she was like six) and it made me dislike hugs for years.
"If she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold"
...so...we all just noticed he implied that he does NOT extend that consideration to guys, right?
And then decided "yeah, I want to post this"
Half of these are him being toxic and half of these are the girl being toxic 🙂
The straights are not okay
And some of them overlap, somehow
Most of that advice reeks of teenagers trying to figure out relationships from the examples set by patriarchal media... That would track with the "girl" language title. Well, that and the copious amounts of condescension.
Coming up behind someone and hugging them is a great way to get your nose broken…
The young man's gonna wonder why he's in the hospital.
I'm just imagining him kissing her because she looked at his mouth, then she cusses at him and hits him, then he grabs her and pulls her in close and she's still struggling to get away, she finally does, then avoids him like the plague and finally ghosts him. Then, out of the blue, days later, she gets a text: "Everything's going to be ok." 😂 lolwut bro?
I know a guy who listens to this advice, his girlfriend broke up with him because of it.
He’s talking about what you do in a toxic relationship with a someone who uses passive aggression and silent treatments to communicate problems.
Exactly. That poor dude sounds like the victim of abuse
In that case, either: a) both of you need to develop better communication skills because passive aggressiveness is not a viable form of expressing dissatisfaction in a relationship that you are interested in continuing with, or b) you need to get out of that relationship asap and work on finding someone non-toxic.
And if you cater to that behavior, no matter who does it, they learn that it works and continue to use it. If you act like an adult human, ask questions, and don't continue to push if told no, the other person will learn different (and hopefully also more adult) ways to get the attention or response they desire.
What? If you're in a toxic relationship, you get out of it. You don't engage in equally toxic behaviour to keep the situation going. Relationships like this end up with one or both people harmed, or worse.
@@mariaaguadoball3407 A lot of people in toxic relationships go through trauma bonding which means that they can't leave even if they try and make the effort to because when they try to leave, their abuser starts love bombing.
It's the super serious music in the background for me, then how absolutely confident he is that he's passing along good advice..
Instead of just asking a woman what she specifically wants
Asking permission for everything in a relationship kinda ruins the moment imo
@BAKI Live Stream does it though? Or does it allow both parties to be active, willing participants in the activities they both choose?
I feel terrible for his girlfriends.
A lot of what he's describing is an avoidant attachment - someone who pulls away hoping you'll go after them, because they're so afraid of being abandoned they'd rather leave first.
It should tell you something if a guy is explaining "girl language"
It’s definitely good to reassure your partner that you still love and care about them when you’re fighting, but that has to be in addition to addressing their actual concerns
If a girl is acting bigger and stronger than she usually is the reason is often that she's feeling challenged and disrespected by the guys around her. If she's in a relationship with you and constantly acting tougher than she is, it's either her past experiences that are making her insecure, or it's you. And you need to look objectivity at the interactions that led up to her acting this way, and figure out if it's your attitude that's making her act this way. Because it's not healthy behavior. Not every girl is the same level of tough, and that's fine. So if she's acting unnaturally tough, you should know that she is feeling insecure of how you view her as your partner (or sister, friend, coworker, whatever - this info can be useful for all men). Sometimes, a girl is just insecure in herself or is reading too much into your words and behavior, and then it's her job to work on it. Be honest with her and assure her you have intention of belittling her, and hopefully she'll believe you and work on herself. But sometimes you're going to send the wrong message, whether you realize it or not. If it was you, don't hesitate to apologize. Girls LOVE when guys are able to recognize their mistakes, so if you apologize and really work hard to change your interactions, she'll appreciate and trust you.
so many of these are just straight up romance novel/movie tropes. I hope it goes without saying that life isn't a coleen hoover book lol
You sneak up behind me and hug me without us being in a relationship - that's when I will hit you. And you better don't start trying to restrain and kiss me, weirdo.
Also, if you are in a relationship and she tries to hit you, end the relationship. Domestic violence is not cute.
I don't think assaulting someone for either a prank or an awkward violation of private space is an appropriate reaction.
But yeah, you go girls. Nobody is going to stop you anyways.
@@Specoups I said I am going to hit him and nothing more. That is an appropriate reaction to somebody grabbing me from behind. I am not going to wait to see if the guy is going to rape me or just tried to prank me. Also, violating personal boundaries is not a prank one should make. Even less so considering that the person you try to do this might have experienced sexual violence. But even if not, how would anybody think that violating personal boundaries is in any way admissible?
@@kathrinbauer5358 You don't address what I'm saying and you try to frame me as a defender of personal space violation instead.
Read carefully, don't over interpret my words.
I'm talking about proportionally adequate defense, not about acceptance.
@@Specoupsthat's not what you said, at all
@@Specoups that's not what you said, at all
I’m a martial artist who’s trained for years out of real fear of assault. With my reflexes, a completely unexpected hug or grab could end in a hospital trip.
Your emotional intelligence always makes me feel a little bit more hopeful about the world.
Ngl, a lot of these would earn someone an elbow to the eye from me. I absolutely hate being touched most of the time and I'm really jumpy in general
Overall: Consent people. Con. Sent.
Instructions unclear, constipaption sent to girlfriend.
@@uatcgfhdhu 💀👍
Don't sneak up behind us and grab our wast. That's why she is hitting you. Guy does that to me is getting clocked. Just a gut reaction to perceived threat.
I really appreciate these videos you do. My best friend recently sexually assaulted me while he thought I was asleep and when I confronted him and asked if he was really sorry or sorry that he got caught he said both, which isn’t possible. They just don’t like being caught, they can’t take that women can finally speak up (a little more) now. All that so say - they know what consent is. It’s not difficult.
People know what consent is, and it seems to me that the people who choose not to ask consent, choose not to ask because they're afraid of getting told "No," which they know to respect, but if they _don't_ ask for consent, then there's no "No" that they have to respect. They figure that they can do whatever the feck they want, and if who they're with doesn't like it, and speaks up, then they might back off. Not asking consent is a rude, selfish, disrespectful choice that has no place in a respectful relationship.
Yeah . . . I'm like one of those fainting goats. If someone snuck up behind me and "surprised" me with a hug, there's a good chance I'd end up on the floor. Hubs learned this lesson years ago. I can't even try to startle him, because when he jumps, I get startled, and have to fight to stay conscious. 🥴
I appreciate that you mention not coming up behind someone and hugging them. I had so many problems with people doing that to me. I hate it. I ended up turning around swinging on the person grabbing me because of how often strange men would do that to feel me up or restrain me.
Anyway I appreciate that you said to not do that. I always felt bad that I had to tell people to not sneak up on me because it triggered me.
So she's swearing and hitting him but he keeps overpowering her and saying "I love you". What's he gonna do when she whips out the pepper spray? Communicate and consent; that's how you prevent your eyeballs from burning!
My partner has ptsd and has let me know they're not okay with being hugged from behind. What might be a sweet, loving, innocent gesture of affection for some, can still be a trigger for others. Individuals have different needs and different love languages.
Well, as someone who's hearing-impaired, and therefore relies quite heavily on lip-reading to help understand what people are saying, I can quite categorically assure this dude and all other dudes who think like him - NO, I do NOT want to be kissed, thank you VERY much!
I have one word for this beautiful man: ✨ consent ✨
Don't assume someone wants to kiss you because they're staring at your mouth, they may be lip reading, or maybe you just have something in your teeth, or maybe it just something entirely different- like my girlfriend stares at peoples mouths when they talk to her because she struggles with eye contact, its pretty normal for people to look at your mouth! Yes, in certain contexts that can be a good sign to ask, but you should still ask before kissing someone! Honestly, if a girl asks to kiss me first its hot- like that just shows the person actually cares about you and how you feel/if your comfortable. (I know this is advice for straight men but I am a sapphic nonbinary person, who is afab, so I feel like its similar since I was raised as a women, so I have a similar view of the world to a woman, and even if queer loves are different, I don't think there is too huge of a difference between the actual feeling in the love)
Wow. Thanks for posting. That kid's attitude is scary toxic and harmful. You are right -- the is no "playbook" for relationships. Every person is unique, so just pay attention to the person you are with, treat them respectfully, listen to them, use your words to ask questions. "Grab them and don't let them go"?!?? really?!? thats so upsetting.
That sounds like the type of things that were written on certain "romantic" novels from the 80s and 70s. Are these men on tiktok reading them? 🤔
🤣
I don't think he can read ...
I'm transmasc, and sometimes I get scared that I'll end up like this, that I will start aquiring these mental games when I start hanging out with guys as a guy. It's one of the things that scares me a lot.
It's partially why I started watching your videos. Because you're one of the men I can look up to and know that there will be others, others that don't subscribe to the 'women are objects' lie. That, in a way, I can find people with whom I won't feel like I should be ashamed of who I am. (this is also connected to the whole hating men fiasko that a lot of the queer community resonates and I'm still not sure how to get myself through that).
But yeah. These videos help.
It sounds you are already the man lots of people will love and be proud to call their friend. :)
(As a woman who used to have a lot of male gay friends...I got soo sick and tired of the straights-bashing, I get it. Those were guys I have called my friends for years, but get a few of them together and its all about how superior they are, and how the only truely creative man is a gay man bla bla bla. And there I was, after mothering/comforting them all through their breakups, helping them move house, sharing dinners etc. etc. and being reduced to 'the inferior species they all despise'. Good lesson!)
The "game of women"--I'mma start using this, because it encapsulates SO much
Can't tell you how many ribs I've bruised because men think it's cool to run up behind us and wrap their arms around us. Not even on purpose it's just genuinely terrifying and my reaction is GAH ESCAPE
You are absolutely one of the best allies for us. Thank you.
He's not helping anyone 🙄
@@baki577 Who?
The sad thing is that this man seems to be doing all this from a place of love and caring. But he's young, so I'm hopeful that his relationships will teach him more healthy ways of treating his partners.
No, he's a creep. His comments are mostly creepy.
All of this really feels like it's perpetuating the idea that women are weak and no more mentally capable than a child and should pretty much be cradled because of this, as a show of affection.
Many girls are taught this notion, so I feel that when they initially start dating, they might still look for these "romantic" and "protective" actions from their partners, so I'm sure he's gotten positive feedback for this behaviour (I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here, assuming he's still a teen or at most in his early 20s).
Most romance books for teens are absolutely packed with this type of behaviour and it definitely gets painted as the most romantic way you can behave, the best way to make a young woman swoon for you.
Of course, if these things come from a person who she isn't already attracted to, it's obvious how invasive and degrading they are at their core. But I think it might take a bit for many people to unlearn this idea of what being romantic and caring looks like
Yeah, my ex-husband used grab me from behind when I didn't know and he almost pushed me into the dishwasher and oven. Honest to God he is lucky that I didn't turn around and punch him in his face. Bc seriously I'm pulling out HOT FOOD, please don't kill me. I was definitely getting suspicious at this point. Thank you. I mean, it can be sweet but don't be aggressive or knock her down please. I don't think he is giving terrible advice but please be gentle.
No=no
Yes=Yes
Maybe= no maybe ask later
Hitting is abuse no matter who he’s who.
The eye contact one is basically: 👁️👁️ 👁️👁️ ‘is he okay? Am I gonna be murdered? I haven’t blinked in 3 hours’
Hitting is abuse unless it's self defense. Several of his other suggestions were assault, pure and simple.
If I look at someone's mouth and they kiss me I'm punching them in their mouth. 😂
The only way I can see the 'text her and tell her you forgive her if she's ignoring you' EVER working is if the girl in question has ADHD....cause I actually will forget we were talking after a bit.
I have problems with speech comprehension, so I look at people's mouths when they talk so I can lip read. Guess I'm in love with everyone I've ever met who doesn't wear a mask¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That guy is not a good communicator, even in terms of his own rulebook. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean that whenever a woman looks at your mouth, just randomly kiss her. I think he was trying to give advice for how a boy might sense during an appropriate, romantic moment that the time is right and the girl wants to be kissed. But with skills like this, don't even let that guy advise you how to operate your microwave, much less about dating.
"If she looks at your lips, kiss her" dude, I'm autistic. That's how I mask, when I'm too tired to mask, because I suppose to look at you, but i don't wanna make eye contact. It means I'm too uncomfortable around you to fully unmask even when I'm exhausted. If you kiss me I will have a meltdown
If a person were to run up behind me and grab me around the middle in a hug motion when I was by myself, I would immediately assume I was being kidnapped and starting fighting with all my strength. If you get a broken bone or black eye, sorry not sorry. We’ve seen too many PSAs about not freezing in that moment for your cutesy ass to pull something sneaky, and I’m not getting taken to no secondary location.
As a small and weak female passing enby, it terrifies the shit out of me that someone might think it's ok to touch me like this, so I just imagined biting him and taking chunks out until he gets the message.
The problem with these things is that they're all situational, and people take them as 'rules' instead of the guidelines they are. Like woman quiet = something's wrong. There's no shortcut to understanding a person. Treat them as individuals.
“If she pulls away, tries to hit you, tries to run, and/or curses you out pull her to you, kiss her, and tell her you’ll never let her go.”
Assault, this young man is describing assault.
Men need to understand that it’s not their role to decipher
“What we really want”, their job is to listen to us and take us seriously as human beings, we’re not a puzzle for you to solve. 🙄
"A playbook ... to win the game of women" is the best description I've ever heard. That's exactly what they're all doing!
"it does worry me that this doesn't go without saying"
Well said.