r/AmITheA--hole for Letting My Roommate's Family Go Homeless?
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:07 My BIL is my husbands lawyer in our divorce
2:19 My SIL gets a taste of her own medicine
5:37 I didn't invite the neighbor girl to our backyard party
7:53 Lady wants free wedding stuff without even inviting us
10:52 I didn't tell my roommates I own the house and let them evict themselves
14:32 My always late friend was late when I went to pick her up
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
It's worse. Her brother-in-law shouldn't even talking about it because he's violating client confidentiality AND what he's doing is considered intimidation and he could get disciplined if she pursued it with the bar
Ooooooh law drama
There's also a conflict of financial interest at the bare minimum.
But hes a solicitor, where the legal situation is completely different and not an actual lawyer
You're mostly right. It's not violating confidentiality bcuz he's not disclosing information. It's absolutely intimidation & also discussing the case without her attorney present. Either way, it's definitely misconduct.
Law and order theme hits.
The second story, about the child not "speaking properly" fills me with so much rage!! I am an early childhood educator AND I have an almost 3 year old with a speech delay. If the sister in law wanted to actually help the child learn, all she had to do was say something to the effect of "Oh, did you need something to drink buddy?" even though she knew that was what he wanted and then just say something in all English like "I would like some water, please." And bam, teaching moment. She chose to be petty to a FOUR YEAR OLD! What a garbage human. She gets 3/5 buttholes from me.
Yeah I agree there should have been a higher butthole score because she wasn't just being a jerk ( well he used a different phrase in the video but apparently Community guidelines won't let me type that LOL ) as it was said but she was denying a child their need, kids need to drink they need hydration and the fact she denied that kid a drink was denying his needs and that can go as far as being considered abuse
I agree it definitely should have been a higher butthole score simply because she was denying the kid his need this wasn't just about speech this was about denying a child their need to stay hydrated
My nephew has speak delay, he's learned basic ALS to help communicate his needs
It's not even a talking condition. It's 100% normal and incredible in its own way since the child is developing 2 languages at once. Me and my sister did this and all we got was praise.
I agree! Due to having moderate to severe hearing loss, I had delayed speech when I was a kid. Since I wasn't able to get hearing aids until I was 5 years old, my parents used sign language with me along with talking verbally. I went through years of speech therapy which was beneficial. Even to this day if I'm overtired or stressed, sometimes I slur my "S" or other soft sounding letters. I was never picked on due to my speech and I'm glad my family and friends were encouraging and never bullied me.
Not to mention that it's the adult's responsibility to try and use THEIR words to accomodate for the kid, not the other way around!
To the story about the 8yo screaming girl:
There is a difference between screaming and ear shattering shrieking, I can deal with screaming, but the shrieking is one of the worst things to listen to.
Last Story: Being chronically late when someone is picking you up is one of the rudest things you can do. You’re basically telling them that you don’t value their time.
Op you were helping her out, you warned her that you needed to leave at a strict time and she chose to not take you seriously.
NTA, hopefully this is a wakeup call
Yup, PhD student by now hasn't learned the importance of punctuality? Cleary not enough consequences until now.
I have a friend who is perpetually late. To dinners, parties, movies, whatever. We were supposed to meet for dinner before a concert once and then drive over. Concert started at say… 730, so the plan was to grab dinner at 630 to give us time to eat, drive, park, etc.
One friend and I ended up a bit early just because of transit. At 6:40, I texted my other friend asking where she was. She replied “lol I’m just leaving now.” It got to the point that I would have to lie about when movies started so she’d show up on time. (But not every time.) I told her a movie started at 630 instead of 7 and she still showed up at 645.
Like… chronic lateness has to be one of my worst pet peeves. Once in a while? Yeah. Shit happens. I take public transit. I get it. But… c’mon. Value other people’s time.
Not to mention that she caused him to be late for work. Her school lecture is important but OP's job isn't? I think it has a greater impact on him than her.
@@beautifulmidnight I have a friend like that and I just leave if he's not on time. He can find me wherever I am later if he wants. One time we were going to the cinema and me and my other friend just went in without him.
@@RisingRevengeance Yes, I have a friend who tends to always be running behind. He knows we will not wait for him. If we're going to dinner, movie, whatever... things happen as scheduled. Sometimes that means he misses out on something but oh well...
Lady: **Uninvites OP and his wife**
OP: **Charges full price on everything**
Lady and everyone else: **Confused Screaming**
*Pikachu face*
And not even that, at first they only charged for materials
For them to be uninvited they had to be invited first... Which did not happen.
They weren’t uninvited. They agreed to do the signage then changed their mind right before the wedding when they realized they were invited. Yes, they’re assholes.
@@the_dfh well it's implied that if you spend thousands for someone's wedding that you should invite them. it's also OP's choice to charge them or not.
Imagine ignoring a 4 year old, who's learning 2 languages and makes a simple mistake
Right? I’m not even a kid person and I find that extremely rude. Don’t be jealous of a kid.
She's just pissed off because she's monolingual
I'm also bilingual, I speak Russian and English. Growing up, I've never heard of such thing. It shocks me that this person would do such a thing, to a little CHILD. A 4 year old can still be saying baby stuff and mispronouncing things. I remember being 5 years old and I pronounced "three" as "twi."
💔
@CK George1989 doesn't the UK have one - if not the - highest percentages of monolinguals in Europe? Native English speakers usually don't bother learning a second language properly.
Story 4: Your not close, so she doesn't get the friends and family treatment. Also anyone that passes out your phone number so you can be harassed automatically loses any kind of sympathy. Tell her they either stop or you charge her more.
Not only that you should charge her extra it's called an a****** tax. Businesses can do that
@@soxpeewee Well, whether a business can do that depends. E.g., in Germany, a restaurant can't just charge a higher price than on the menu. This would violate consumer protection statutes such as the "Preisangabenverordnung" (price declaration act).
It could also potentially violate UWG (Gesetz gegen den unlauteren Wettbewerb = law against unfair competition). Because it could be argued that you lure potential buyers in with the lower prices e.g. on your website but then charge them more when they are already there and it would thus be a hassle for them to go elsewhere. A competitor could have your business reprimanded by a trade association or sue you if this happens repeatedly because it puts honest competitors at a disadvantage.
Similarly, price discrimination is in some cases forbidden by US anti-trust laws. (Disclaimer: IANAL yada yada)
Tell her "every minute someone harassed me about this i'll charge you 500$ more " let see how higher it can get
Fourth story: Was there a contract promising these items for free? Given the informality, I doubt it. You want to use your family for free labor and not invite them to your wedding? Better be prepared to pay up when they realize how little they mean to you. OP is NTA. Her cousin, her fiancee, the family members and groomsmen are all AHs here because of the harassment.
The bride and groom have the right to pick and choose who they want at their wedding. However, OP has the right to charge them if they decide not to invite OP.
I still want to know how your own sister isn't considered close friends and family?
This might be seen as an implied contract. One where it was implied that the service would be free. Since OP already started the service, they essentially agreed to the implied contract that the services would be free.
Then again, I am not nor is anybody else in these comments a proven lawyer.
@@bland9876 Easy: she's beneath you and worth only the free labor you can get out of her.
@@thehoustonader4040 Contract go both ways, the implication on the sister's part is that she would be inviting her SISTER to the wedding. Sis broke the implied contract not OP, now she can deal with the consequences.
In the first one I'm 99% sure there's a conflict of interest there. I'd ask his bosses (assuming he's not a partner) what they think of this case. Chances are they'd not want the PR nightmare this would create.
Conflict of interest
He's also violating the client confidenciality!
You made a calculated guess, but man are you bad at math.
Apparently in some countries a "solicitor" need not have actually studied law or passed a bar exam. Also the conflict of interest is always to protect the client, not the opposing side. And I guess the client is okay with this conflict. In fact, I'd assume he deliberately did this to hurt her.
If OP in the rental story told the couple that she was the landlord, it could put OP in danger. Instead of fighting with each other they'd be harassing OP nonstop. Plus, they'd be more likely to damage the property before leaving.
Wow! That is a very good point that I didn’t think about! I was on the “should’ve told them OP owned the 🏡 “ front
Yeah, I wouldn't tell them either. It's not OP's fault they assumed they could extend the lease. While that's usually not a problem, it's certainly not guaranteed unless you negotiated something in the original lease. With 5 months notice they can surely find another suitable home. They sound like entitled drama queens.
I thought it was really sketchy for the husband to tell the other "renter" that she should move out, implying that he has some pull with the owner of the property. He's dishonest and entitled, so I'm glad she didn't reveal she was the owner. I don't trust people like that.
It's a little weird to me that the Property Manager didn't quash the notion of extending the lease, since the OP seemed to be clear on it being for a year only. Either the PM didn't get the memo for some reason, or they were going behind OPs back and telling the renter things they shouldn't have been...
Honestly they didn't even have to say anything. They could have completely ignored the neighbor. Then the husband would have tried and the property manager would have just told them I spoke with the owner and they're not interested. End of story. They would never know that Opie is the owner, and everything would have gone on like normal. He did not have to go the route of raising the rent that was kind of an a****** move
Isn’t it a conflict of interest for a lawyer to represent someone and has a personal relationship with both parties?
Especially if the lawyer is taunting the opposing party. OP should file a complaint against him with his employer AND the bar association.
@@fdm2155 yup. that is textbook intimidation.
It's shaky ground, but not automatically a conflict of interest. They can't represent both parties at the same time, but if they know both parties, picking sides isn't a COI. But they'd damn well better do it by the book.
It certainly can be, but the only conflict of interest here would be against HIS client i.e. the ex husband who is obviously aware of the relationship between them and so it should not be a problem. If anything a COI would work against the OP in this case. Nothing he said would constitute improper conduct, it would be a stretch to even say that he talked about the case, rather than just the divorce itself...
@@seb3209 BUT he did say that OP should cancel the divorce due to “her losing a lot”. That can easily be seen as intimidation which is very illegal. So if the OP reported him for intimidation with evidence, he could face consequences for that.
I feel sympathy to the third story. I have severe noise sensitivity and if I heard a child screaming all the time I would have a mental breakdown..
Same. I don’t think anyone should have to ignore their own sensory needs or limitations for the sake of someone ELSE’S child. It sucks she’s left out, but OP’s entitled to their sanity.
yup. they really need to teach the kid to behave normal or else they are going to be isolated by the whole community.
Same, this is definitely something the parents can work on with their child & choose not to.
Maybe, but the story reads me to me like the dad of boys who just hates the way girls sound.
I have two nieces and a nephew who like to scream in very high-pitched and loud screams when playing, and it's annoying AF. I have no trouble telling them to stop screaming because it irritates my nerves. I don't even know how they can scream so high, it's high-pitched like a smoke detector alarm.
I would bring it up to the judge as a possible conflict of interest. I also would bring up his comments at a family dinner about "losing a lot"
That's actually illegal
I was going to say this
Conflict of interest: **exists**
Wikipedia:
⚠️ Please stop your disruptive editing. Your edits are considered vandalism and have been reverted.
🛑 You may be BLOCKED from editing the next time you disrupt Wikipedia.
Yeah its a pretty clear conflict of interest enough to likely get him forced off the case if not more.
On a serious note, I do agree here
regarding the screaming little girl, I have the same banshee in this neighborhood. There are six little kids on the block, and that one little girl's shrieks are absolutely horrendous, at least 3 times louder than the others. She triggers more migraines, even with the house closed up, than every nonstop barkfest that happens now and then
We used to have a neighbor kid who screamed constantly the whole time she was playing outside. If anything bad had happened to her I don't know how anyone would know, because she sounded like she was being skinned alive all the time.
My daughter was one of those “shriekers”. That’s how she laughed, that’s how she expressed extremely happy feelings,?thats how she expressed fear. Yes we always thought it was for attention. Turned out she’s very extremely ADHD, has anxiety disorder, had issues with speech, and we’re now in testing for autism spectrum. That’s just how her glitch expresses herself. We joke that she’s a sonic weapon. She is calming it down somewhat though I suspect that’s partly due to vocal chords changing as she’s getting older.
@@lynneconklin917 I've read that a lot of autistic kids use screaming to stim, and as they get older they can learn to make less disruptive noises that feel the same to them. Which is interesting, but doesn't make living with my own sensory processing disorder any easier.
@@lynneconklin917 I thought the dad in the story was extremely cruel. As someone who also has a niece with a similar issue as your daughter, to exclude her from activities over something she can’t control when everyone else in the neighborhood is invited is so wrong. By the way she (my niece) has a twin brother who is even louder, but for some reason people aren’t near s bothered when a boy is loud. People suck 🤷🏻♀️ He should just take his party someplace else, to a park close by even. He also sounded very much like a cringe boy dad who didn’t like that she was making little girl noises. His kids might be just as loud and obnoxious but at a level he’s used to hearing so he can tune it out.
@@Janjones7735 Could be sensitivity to certain frequencies? People can become legitimately nauseous or disoriented.
Can you imagine a party where one child is just constantly emitting bloodcurdling screams for little or no reason? I can and I'm honestly terrified.
I feel like my ears are bleeding just thinking about it
I was once at a place where we crafted stuff, and one woman brought her daughter. In the end, she had multiple tantrums and I had to lock myself in the bathroom, so I wouldn't panic/meltdown myself. I'm aware that I have terrible hearing, but stuff like that makes me nervous
From experience it's the worse. When there is just one kid who screams like their dying. That's why I don't go to large kid events
Imagine? I’ve been there on multiple occasions. My cousin’s daughter was a screamer when she was younger. Absolutely ear-piercing. I also saw this behavior when I was in high school. Every time this team of girls in my P.E. class would score a point in volleyball they would screech so loud the other teams stopped their game to cover their ears. My friend finally had enough and told them, in the loudest yell I’d ever heard from him, to stfu. Not even the P.E. coach called him out for his language.
@@sassyghost_8 I haven't encountered a situation like that, so I can only imagine.
Last story: I'm glad I'm not the only one that caught that she's definitely close enough to just call and uber or a cab and still make it to campus with time to spare
Shit she could even walk and make it there on time. It's just over all laziness and entitlement
@@purplewolfranger22 Maybe not. If it's 20 minutes by car with minimal traffic, most likely not. I think the average time for walking is three times the amount of time driving. Terrain and weather both need to be factored in as well. It will take longer to walk uphill than on a level road. It takes me 15 minutes by car to get to my campus, but it would be well over an hour while crossing three major highways to get there on foot. Bike isn't much better. My county isn't exactly pedestrian friendly.
I can walk a mile - rough trail, up and down hill - in 20 minutes and I’m in my 50’s with heart problems, arthritis, and copd. Depending on city street layout and traffic lights, it could take that long to go a mile by car. I think late friend seriously needs this lesson.
@@purplewolfranger22 A 20-minute drive is typically a 2-3 hour walk in the average North American city. Cars can go fast, and the world is literally designed to make anyone not inside a car into a second-class citizen.
It seems unlikely considering it's a college town, but there are areas where rideshare services simply don't operate. Even so, it's still her problem.
Children in bilingual households use whatever words work best. It's adorable.
If the wedding couple don't consider the people providing invitations close friends and family, the couple doesn't get the friends and family treatment. The do get a discount though, but that's not good enough, apparently.
Well, If this seminar was so important; she should have gotten her butt ready in time. Seriously, does she think the whole world is going to stop and wait for her? If she does manage to get the PHD and becomes a professor; does she think that her students and employer are just going to let her show up to teach class whenever she feels like it without repercussions?
Literally if professors don't show up to classes within 15 minutes of its start time the class is canceled on a vast majority of campuses. With her track record she would get fired within a week.
Right? Not only was she late despite the pointed warning... she didn't even bother to call OP until 8:20. WTF? If that were me I'd have been up at 6 and ready by 7am for fear of missing my ride. LOL
@@fdm2155 ah a rational adult 😅
@@fdm2155Yes, the fact that she didn't call him until 8:20 is very telling. Clearly, she intended him to wait around for her for at least 15 minutes. Hopefully, she'll learn from this valuable lesson before she ends up getting fired some day.
wondering what kind of PhD program tolerates a candidate who can't meet simple deadlines
So many problems with that lawyer. Violating conflict ethics, violating attorney/client privilege and several ethics violations about the divorce negotiations and making them public. At the very least she should tell her attorney to go to the judge about this, if not the state bar. This is horrific, and could be a way that the ex-husband is retaliating at the wife for the divorce . So abuse
Nothing you said is legally or factually correct
@@seb3209 yes it is? You are not allowed to blab about anyone else's divorce, I know that for a fact. Threatening the person your going against is definitely not okay, what about this isn't factual?
@@Enya_artist It has been a while but: 1. No possible conflict ethics violation here that would prejudice OP, her X is clearly fine with it. 2. The lawyer has no attorney client obligations towards OP and in my view did not speak about the case - only the divorce in general. 3. Upsetting OP is not an ethics violation, might fall under more general rules of good conduct but almost certainly not in this case.
@@Enya_artist Also, no threat here. She will objectively lose a lot by getting a divorce. That is how divorces work. Should he be trying to convince her not to get a divorce? Morally, maybe not and I might even agree he is an assholes here, although personally I would need more insight on their relationships to determine this. Legally, nothing stopping him.
@@seb3209 Sorry, I meant intimidation. Which, if OP pushed for it, this lawyer could get in trouble for, seeing as intimidation can just be embarrassing or burdening someone.
Telling someone not to do something, because they'll lose "a lot" is not only a dick move, but could definently be brought up as intimidation. (Once again, if OP really pushed for it.) and we have no record that he was allowed to talk about the persons divorce.
Yeah the last story made me pissed off. Her laughing at OP about the time he set- suggests that she didn't care about him or his time. She deserves everything coming to her. "Failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency on OP."
“Failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency on OP.”
Ouch, the truth really does stab where it hurts. Maybe this will teach that chronically late fool to actually get her sh** together and make an effort to be on time for something for once.
@@BersealiaDreamheart Preach!
Second story: OP is NTA. This is a child still learning how to communicate. Her SIL was an AH for treating this child in that way. If anything, she should apologize to OP's son.
Child could have issues cause of it.
And this might seem handwaving argument for some.
But as dumb as it is. people get complexed over anything. even dumb things. so this isn't good for anyone.
But she deserved the same treatment, cause the SIL acted like a child, more so than the son.
@@bxnaxmxxnaxx1914 Complexed? What do you mean?
In the last story, OP was definitely correct in not waiting. There's nothing worse than getting asked for a lift then the person not being ready on time. In my case, I had to bang on my friend's bedroom window to wake him up every morning and would end up just making it on time for work. I told him id he wasn't there ready when I arrived I'd no longer be waiting for him. After not making it to work on time for a couple of days he was standing by the road waiting for me.
Wedding story: Charge full price and don't have anything to do with her again. Stop doing work for free for anyone!!!!!
Mostly agree, but if they were invited to the wedding, I could see them giving the materials as a wedding gift.
Or at least have very clear boundaries. I do think it's OP's fault the bill got so out of hand. Clearly the bride is an entitled cow who was making ridiculous changes because it was 'free'. OP should in future explain what is and is not included in the gift... ie one sample, one set of revisions.
@@fdm2155 Yeah. Super elaborate changes and revisions can of course be included, but only if you really are close with that person. Like if the person getting married is your sister, brother or best friend.
@@CidVeldoril Yeah, I think most people would be mindful that OP was being generous and wouldn't abuse that. But you know there's ALWAYS one greedy person who messes it up for everybody. 😆
I think the first story is disgusting, imagine as a sibling taking the side of your siblings ex over your sibling. Also it's most definitely not allowed as a legal representative as someone to be taunting them to their face, disrespecting them, and etc. Especially without their lawyer there
Dude! Isn’t that conflict of interest that her brother is representing her ex husband?? That’s extremely odd. That shit can blow up in their faces.
Yeah that's definitely conflict of interest
and by saying, that she is going to pay, he is having a conversation about the case behind the back of the client with the opponent. that can kill the license.
@@robertheinrich2994 yes!!! That can and will fuck his career up. She should report him. Asap!!
It is not conflict of interest, and even if it is, it would be against the ex and not OP.
@@seb3209 sure, it's not a conflict of interest. but the attorney had a conversation about the case to the opposing party in front of other people. attorney-client priviledge is a thing.
As someone with ADHD who's also prone to lateness, I have no sympathy for the phd candidate in the last story.
If I eff up my own life and scedule, that's my perogative, but disrespecting other people's time like that is beyond rude and I hope it's a wakeup call for her.
ADHD (Late diagnosed) also!
I was scrolling for a comment about this as I was mildly torn. I was like her when I was 18 and I'm still not perfect but FAR better because I realised that the world will never pause for me lol... Time blindness sucks but its my own responsibility, nobody else's.
I have ADHD but also an anxiety disorder as well as panic disorder sooooo I am chronically EARLY!!! I get so anxious if I'm running late. I have a bad day if I actually sleep until my alarm. 🥲😅
Before being diagnosed I was always so confused by people who were consistently late. I didn't understand why everyone didn't get anxiety or panic attacks at the mere idea of being late for something. (Admittedly I still am somewhat confused that not everyone has this issue 🥲) I just can't imagine not feeling flustered by being late. Lol
@@_.WildMoonChild Same! I will get all hyperactive and not be able to prepare for anything because of "if I am late the world will end" and then of course hating people in general stresses me out 😂
Came to the comments to say this too! I also have ADHD and am time blind. But that is an explanation, not an excuse. The Entitlement of that girl was crazy. If you are late, you cannot blame the world for marching on and passing you by. ADHD tax sucks, but $30 for an Uber is hardly the most I’ve had to pay.
My only pet peeve is assuming the chronically late are just disrespectful or careless. It might not be their fault.
@@_.WildMoonChildsame here I'm usually like an hour early to work and just sitting in the parking lot in that time
In the last story, it would have been one thing if she had texted OP at 8:05, it's still later than agreed upon, but it's within a reasonable margin of error, but the fact that it took her 20 minutes to notice is egregious, and I'm saying this as a person with ADHD time blindness myself. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and find a way to get yourself out the door.
Like rSlash mentioned, she can easily call an Uber, but suggested that she's too cheap for an Uber and wants OP to get her for free.
Yeah, I think it's fair to give people a couple of minutes. Since not all clocks are on exactly the same time and to allow for like a quick of where did I put my keys moment
Honestly, I have had a situation that was..well. I came out of the house, waiting to get going. And waited. And waited. I then got back inside and checked if they were still at home (neighbours in the same building, driving to a thing together). After fifteen minutes I called them and asked where they are. Turns out they left an hour early because of summer/winter time change and they forgot about that. Obviously by then it was too late to pick me up, so..yeah. Sucked for everyone involved.
Story 4: My god OP is not the butthole here. Imagine that you spend off hours and don't charge them for all of these changes and THEN you get shafted. It's like, "Thanks for the free stuff!" And I understand that it's a wedding and all, but don't expect kindness if you cut off people like that.
Last story: I always say: if you are getting a ride from someone, YOU have to wait for them not the other way around, you are the one needing the favor, they are nice enough to pick you up. Be ready at the door for when they come over you just get in their car and go. Don’t make them wait.
Second story: wow, what an obstinate sister-in-law. The whole point of language is to communicate with people, not follow some exact set of rules. To act as if she's doing you a favor by ignoring your son's request for basic necessities unless he "does it properly" is unbelievably petty, and I think that this behavior has solidly earned her a break from her nephew until future notice.
First story : He was the one who bought up that stuff out of the court room. He's the butthole for that. You just responded with the appropriate amount of anger.
Technically, this is actually illegal, if it were brought up in court, this lawyer could be disbarred.
The last story hit deep because I have a friend who is like that - ALWAYS ALWAYS late for everything. So once when we had said we were meeting at 1pm and I called her then minutes later and she was still at home, I just packed my stuff and left. She called me crying and I told her I will not let her f*ck around with my time like that. She's makes fun of me now abotu how I really hate people being late but I keep telling her if she ever does it again, I'm going to just leave.
Do it, don’t let that slide.
Good on you for having respect for yourself.
If the invitations are a gift for the wedding and you aren’t invited then you’re not required to give a gift. Charge them full price.
Story 2: No OP you shouldn't apologize, you should escalate as much as possible, it isn't childish it's giving them a taste of their own medicine...pick every single little mistake she makes and turn it into a big trouble, go as far as say things like "damn I guess your company has really low standards for employees if they hired you with that bad grammar"...eventually the problem will be solved either she'll understand that she was in the wrong or your family won't invite you anymore...either way you win.
1000% facts..
I took the calculus limit of this situation and have mathematically proven using game theory that this comment is based.
You get the shitposter fields medal of honor for keeping it real.
@@readjordan2257 Now we know you were a 'bogus solicitor'.
First story: the BIL DESERVED that. that’s not cool, imagine if OP did that to her sister then it’ll be a different story. NTA
Second story: the aunt made a child cry because he didn’t say it correctly? the kid is 5, the aunt is probably 30 or older than that. she’s acting more like a child than OP’s kid.
Last story, he didn't work 19 minutes away. She didn't leave her place and look for him until 19 minutes had passed. That means when she said "I'll be down in a minute" it took her 25 minutes.
Maybe if she had been upfront with him when he arrived he may have stayed.
Holy hell, the BiL in the first story shouldn't have taken on OP's ex as a client: it's a conflict of interest! And yeah, what he was doing at the dinner is intimidation!
Last story: one of my biggest pet peeves in life in clinically late people. He told you be ready by 8, not 8:01. He arrived 5min early and she said she'll just be another minute. Well she never gave an update & he left when he told her he would.
Oh and I hope she stops saying sorry all the time without actually trying to be better at time management.
An apology without change is just an empty sentiment and shows the true colors of your character.
She really expected him to just wait there from 7:55 to 8:20 with no further acknowledgement
@@djs2182 as someone who has ADHD and time blindness, sometimes 20 minutes really does feel like a minute or two has passed.
Like he absolutely is right to not go back for her, but I can easily see this kinda thing blindsiding someone.
The lateness story drives me up the wall
I know someone that’s chronically late as well to the point he failed classes in college, got warnings at work for going in 3 hrs late, and always late during private outings to the point everyone assumes he’s going to be late into their plans
3 hours?! How do you not get fired for a 3 hour lateness??
@@geltric4779 union, that's why
OP5: Heard this one before. You're not an a-hole, you're a legend. How the hell do these dongs think they're going to push someone out of their apartment becquse they want more space?
Last story: making someone late and ALLOWING them to be late are two different things. OP simply let her face the consequences of her actions. NTA
Stories 2 and 4 were BEAUTIFULLY petty. They made my heart swell 💗😂
The last story: NTA. That little chuckle the friend gave op said everything about how she has no problem wasting someone else’s time to suit her own needs.
She found out that she shouldn’t take advantage of a person doing HER a favor.
I don’t know what SIL is on about because a baby speaking French is about the cutest thing ever
Probably jealous that he knows more languages than her and is handling it like a brat
She's a bully.... end of discussion, that or she has some deep personal sh*t going on in the background, I'm not sure which...
Besides a snake with a top hat.
I agree with the one dad about not inviting the one little girl, I've seen kids like that who scream at the top of their lungs so I know what he's talking about. And if you're an adult not used to that type of kid screaming I can understand not wanting to be around that.
Yeah there is a little girl near where I live who has ear piercing screams and it instantly sets my nerves on edge.
For the last one, even if there's no Uber in the area, taxis still exist. She could call her friends and family for a ride. She could catch the bus. It's not like she's stranded at her house.
I have my own Chronically Late Friend Story:
My good friend Jeff, is a real old friend of my current roommate. Also fun fact: He was the first test-tube-baby triplet born in the United States. Anyway, he joined the first of MANY Table Top Role-Play games, and he had a blast. He was hooked. One thing we noticed was he was super chronically late. I said game starts at 1pm, he's there at 3. It was obnixous. When I was getting married in 2013 to my husband, since same sex marriages had just become legal, I wanted Jeff and his girlfriend to attend as guests of honor. However, I knew he'd be late. So, also factoring in he'd be driving 2 hours to get there, since there was almost always a 2 hour delay, we put the time on his invitations as 2 hours earlier. When he arrived, complete with full tux, he was shocked to see we were just getting started. He asked my Mom what was going on, and when she told him my "devious" plot, he laughed so hard I could hear him backstage. "Never underestimate the cleverness of a DM". He told her.
I think the neighbor's girl is actually a fennec fox. This would explain all the screaming.
Oh god imagine that shrieking at 3am!
story 2: nta
i learnt from a young age not to scream. i was just like that kid. screamed so loud but it was for excitement mostly. so instead i started biting my fingers and adults thought it was out of "bad things i did so punish myself i must?" no doc, i got excited for something. this doesn't hurt me even though theres a mark.
My baby likes to bite his fingers but I'm trying to encourage him to yell and shriek since he doesn't talk or babble much.
I'm French Canadian, was brought up in French (no, not from Quebec🙄) and when I tell you that raising a kid biligual will 100% make their life easier... you have no idea. Not only that, but it makes them SMARTER. There are so many studies proving the benefits or raising a kid bilingual. I cannot fathom being rude to a kid learning both French and English like that when he still uses a damn sippy cup! Let him build coping mechanisms at least, before traumatizing him!
Honestly the first story all the wife has to say to the judge that hey this is my brother in law and the judge will immediately stop the case as a conflict of interest case and either tell the husband to get a new lawyer or dismiss the case
I don't think a judge can arbitrarily dismiss a divorce case. I mean, how would the divorce take place then?
@@Dragon-Lady it would have to be refilled and dismissing doesn't stop the case it just means like the judge won't listen to the case
*First OP:* While I don’t think OP should’ve cussed out her BIL in front of his children, OP is in the right in expressing her feelings of betrayal. OP is NTA.
*Second OP:* OP’s SIL sounds like those teachers who won’t let you go to the bathroom because you didn’t ask correctly. I can’t _stand_ people like them! OP is NTA. Sometimes you need to stoop to someone’s level to make a point. I bet the SIL won’t correct OP’s son again after that. 😛
*Third OP:* On one hand, as someone who’s sensitive to loud sounds, I understand where OP’s coming from. On the other hand, I feel bad for the girl for being left out in the party. I’m gonna say NAH.
*Fourth OP:* If OP’s wife’s cousin doesn’t consider OP and his (?) wife close enough family, then she should expect to pay full price for OP and his wife’s services. OP and his wife are NTAs.
*Fifth OP:* It’s OP’s house, so it’s OP’s choice to raise the rent. OP is NTA.
*Sixth OP:* This reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray left the house without Debra because she wasn’t in the car on time, and it backfired on him. OP could’ve picked up his friend without it affecting his job, and his friend still could’ve learned her lesson. But as rSlash pointed out, OP’s friend could’ve also used a rideshare service, assuming it’s available in her area. OP is NTA.
Apart from the first story, these AITA stories seem more … lighthearted (?) than the ones rSlash normally covers.
Yeah, maybe that part could be toned down for the childrens sake but, otherwise yeah, NTA
True I agree OP shouldn't curse out on the kids, but I understand why OP curse them and to be honest I would have do the same.
No. If someone acts like trash in front of kids, they don't get to use the children as a shield.
@@TJDious Oh the children aren’t a shield, it’s just the matter of cussing or not cussing.
@@TJDious we aren't excusing what the BIL did we just saying the kids have nothing to do with it.
I used to be always late for everything, getting ready and managing to leave was always bit of a mess. It runs in the family. Eventually I started to compensate, first by counting how much time I'd need to prepare and to get there, and then adding some extra time for both of those, because leaving is still hard. And if going somewhere new, it another bit of extra time in case the place isn't easy to find. I'm usually on time these days, sometimes even early.
"no need to ventilate and cry, just order an uber" is a good tagline for the company
Last story: NTA
"I was having a hard time that morning and couldn't be there at 8am"
Okay. Then try getting up EARLIER.
I can't stand people grown adults who are late or make me late.
If you’re embarrassed by being called out in front of your children for your behavior , then behave in a way you’d be happy to have them hear about.
The screaming is a concern a child should know you only scream in an emergency she’s going to scare the Neighbors
Just imagine if she was to be kiddnapped and she was screaming but because she always screams she wouldn't be found until the evening news.
Last story: that woman is annoying af.. not only did OP gave her a warning, she called him 20 minutes after he left wtf. So naturally she'd have been screwed whether he waited for her or mot
I totally get the dad who was upset about the little girl screaming. My cousin’s daughter did that until she was 9 and my cousin, his baby mama, and my aunt never put a stop to it. It was a banshee screech. I have very sensitive ears and I dreaded having to watch her because she didn’t have an inside voice to save her life. That and she wasn’t disciplined by anyone who actively took care of her so she was a demon. I’m very grateful that she’s mellowing out now that she’s a pre-teen but oh boy we’re those early years rough sometimes. It is much more unclear here if the girl is just undisciplined or if she’s neurodivergent but it is fair for OP to put his foot down for now and maybe have a private talk with the parents of the girl another time to get their side of the story.
I have an English speaking friend who learned German as an adult. I bought a makeup kit with instructions in German. I asked him to translate, and as he was reading, he would sometimes switch between the two languages. He was not aware that he was doing this. I found it endearing. He knows two languages; that's one more than I can fluently speak!
if he's fluent enough to cross them then that's actually 2 langues more than I can fluently speak. 😂😂 cause heaven knows I can't speak English
@@lillylovegood2300 dude same 😂 I just call it having an aneurysm or stroke when I constantly cant make a full coherent sentence because honestly it sounds like I'm having a stroke.
@@AnimeKat8849 YOU CALL EM THAT TOO??? Sometimes I'll apologize and say my program needs rebooting, if I wanna sound old lmao
The time blindness story is one that I feel strongly about.
As somebody with a late diagnosis of ADHD, I was the often the chronically late friend for years. I was genuinely not aware of the severity of my tardiness.
A good friend of mine confided in the methods she'd used to get me to show up on-time, including: showing up early to pick me up and waiting inside where I could see her so that I had a visual cue to keep on schedule; and giving me the wrong start time for time-critical events. I teared up from the shame, wrecked, but she stopped me and told me that she knew who I was, loved me anyways, and planned around who I was because that's what she thought a friend should do. I worked to do better (and be better). I got my ADHD (and GAD) diagnosis and worked to learn time management techniques, not because of the shame, but because of her acceptance.
As an aside, instant consequences are often better for ADHD folks. The first time OP waited for the friend, it reinforced the bad behavior. Had they left the first time, any further ride-shares likely would have triggered adrenaline to flood the brain, giving the friend the dopamine hit they'd need to get things done in a timely manner. I think OP technically didn't do anything wrong, but intentionally choosing to make their point in a way that would hurt the friend as much as possible.... it feels like OP wanted to punish the friend
I love the term "oops baby". Having a baby by accident sounds like a bad thing, obviously, but oops is kind of a funny word to say. "Whoopsie doodle, we are having a baby". Sounds light-hearted.
Sixth story: OP is NTA. His friend needed to be on time, and she wasn't. I wonder if there's some bigger problem with her, but if she can't be on time, she can't expect people to just wait on her while she gets ready. She could have gotten an Uber or a taxi. This is not ok.
So for the last story, it's worse. Listen to what she said. "I'm sorry! I promise I'll never be late for anything else again!" So she KNOWS that she's late all of the time. She's saying that nonsense because she's desperate. In reality, she just doesn't care about op's time. That's a bad friend and she needs a wake up call. NTA.
Story 6: NTA; OP warned her, she didn't listen. Clearly there is something wrong with her time management skills and, even if mental health issues are a factor, she's an adult who needs to figure things out, possibly even reaching out for help with that.
Fourth story : You don't charge to friends and family. They claimed it was for "close friends and family". Which means, you weren't considered friends or family by them. They don't get the friend and family discount. NTA.
I like how rslash uses pass the peas as an example in the first story and the second story literally has pass the peas
First story - insane imagine op loses bad, and she's broke and she struggling and ends up homeless, how is her own sister not going to feel like shit... the brother in law is going to be all like "see honey, what a good lawyer i am, I left your sister bankrupt and on the streets"
For the final story I thought that rSlash was going to point out that it would have been faster for her to walk there then wait for a ride since, if it is a 19 minute drive, it is probably close to an equivalent walk since you don't have to take in traffic and such, provided that they live in a city and not in the suburbs that is.
It's a college campus so the odds are very good that it's in a city.
Story 6: Why would she be so constantly late? Like, what would be going on back at home that she would be always be minutes past time
It feels like either terrible time management, or a psychological problem that she didn't mention / doesn't know about. It's definitely not normal, but whether or not she needs help, we can't really know for sure
A friends ex was like that, she was incapable of being on time for anything. It was that she simply had no concept of time management and frankly little to no respect for other people. One year they were supposed to be at his mom's for Christmas at 11am. At 10:30am she not only was not ready... She hadn't even taken a shower or anything. But she had also put off doing anything with gifts until then. They were like 1.5 or 2 hours late, and she was pissed and embarrassed because of it. Even though it was her own fault.
I'm sure it's the same for story 6, this woman just can not be on time for anything.
My aunt was always over an hour late. Pretty sure she had ADD or something. If she had to be somewhere by 9 am as she'd leave she'd suddenly have to wash the floors or something like that
Poor time management is a core example of executive dysfunction, which is a symptom of about 8 different mental and physical illnesses. It could really be anything and be legit.
bad time management and entitlement usually. i've had "friends" (stopped seeing them after a few times of this) that would be over an hour late to meet me, for absolutely no reason. For example, we would agree to meet at noon, i would call them at 11:50 to say i was a few minutes away an did they wanted me to go in and grab them a seat or something, only to find out they were still at home, in their pajamas, watching netflix. and EVEN THEN, they REFUSED to hussle. they did not just shower get dressed an leave, they would spend whatever time they wanted to pick out outfits, do their hair etc. and ONLY THEN would they leave their house to go meet me. after the second time i stopped seing them
the person in the story just doesn't respect OPs time. she did plan ahead well anough not to be late to her seminar, she just planned to disrespect OP to do it
"Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an automatic emergency on my part" OP in the last story is absolutely NTA. Friend is the one who is consistently late, and appears to have no appreciation for the time of others. Similar thing happened to me where my stepsister asked me to take her to work because her Uber would take too long. (for context I went back and forth once already after dropping off my brother.) So I did. I come back to the house so I can get ready for work and the _minute I pull into my driveway_ I get a text from stepsis saying she got dress coded and needed me to bring her clothes from the house and hand deliver them, and my other step sis would find them for me. Both me and my other stepsis (the one at home) agreed to not do it. She worked this job for six months and should habe known the dress code by now. Plus, she is frequently late to her job because she stays up til almost 3am streamimg on TikTok. On days she needs a ride I consistently ask if she does and when she clocks in and doesn't tell me until the very last minute and she's well over fifteen minutes late. Ultimately, her job is not my responsibility. Either she learns she needs to take responsibility for her actions, or she doesn't. And if she doesn't no amount of crying and begging will get her what she wants in the end.
Man I dislike people who are late....remember when your parents tell you growing up, "the world does NOT revolve around you" ....yeah this is your fault lady
My wife did/does this late thing from the last story. It was a problem for me since I've always been the 10 minutes early person and was suddenly 15 to 30 minutes late for every(yes, every) function or event together. After confronting it her response initially was that I was exaggerating and she rarely was late even though her daughter agreed. Started writing the times down every event together so it was undeniable and later I started saying events were earlier to make it on time. Once she saw it in writing and it was undeniable she got more understanding and aiming for an earlier time was helpful for important things. She really didn't realize how frequent it was happening and didn't have many issues being a little late to most things which grew the habit.
Don't embarrass them and they should be willing to acknowledge the truth work on it. If they stay in denial then it feels like they dont care about you enough.
First story, NTA. That guy was acting like a complete PoS and deserved to be called out on it. I don't understand how anyone at that table was ok with the way he was talking to OP. The parents should have kicked him tf out. I'd honestly report his behavior to the State disciplinary board (or your countries equivalent if it has one) because that sounds like a pretty unethical move for a lawyer. If anyyone wants to be mad at you because you won't let him openly disrespect you then that shows how little they care about you and fk them too.
Oi rslash, the story about the couple trying to take OP'S house. Are you sure you want to give the husband 0/5? I had to go back and listen to the part where the HUSBAND told OP that THEY should start finding a new place...like a Karen.
Story 4 - NTA
“But we’re faaaaaaamily”… but not family enough to get a wedding invite.
My niece in law, who is a huge **** tried to convince my husband's family that my son was autistic, just because he's a picky eater. I noticed my step MIL whose usually a raging B kept saying things like "Look at him play with that toy. He's definitely going to be an engineer" and I thought it odd, until my husband's niece told me what was going on.
The crazy part is, NIL now has an autistic daughter. Don't make fun of other people's kids because fate doesn't like it and it'll come back to you.
Regarding the young girl who screams all the time, reminds me of my wife's sister's kids. She has three young ones who scream a lot, and not just any scream but very loud, high-pitched screams about the same pitch as a smoke alarm. The thing is that my sister-in-law and her husband largely tune it out so they must not notice or don't care, but most of the time they don't tell their kids to not scream. It's kind of hard on my wife & I when we visit because we don't like a lot of loud noise. It's OK when you're inside and they're out in the yard screaming, but when they scream inside it really hurts my ears. I love my nieces and nephew, but I can't stand it when they scream their piercing screams. Hopefully they'll grow out of it soon.
So yeah, I can understand the OP's reason for not inviting that child.
Last story I laughed, no sympathy for those perpetually late ppl
Fucking same.
Me too! And I keep thinking just call and Uber, why all the drama and hyperventilating?? Simple solution, call an Uber! The friend sounds stupid besides always late! Lol
Story 4: NTA; it would have been a *very gracious* wedding present IF they had been invited to the wedding, and IIRC, it's taboo NOT to invite family who help with the wedding like that. Asking for the cost of just materials would even make sense if OP had been invited, because without the family connection, they'd have paid full price for the same elsewhere.
Story 5: NTA; usually this would be an AH move because landlords are often scumbags when they can get away with, but the guy was being underhanded in trying to get OP kicked out, which is just not cool when you're in a multi-rental situation. Sure, he only gets a 1/5 from me, but OP is following the law to stop a problem before it gets worse.
Sixth story : Dude is giving that girl way too much time for someone who isn't even his gf.
I hope there is an update on the BIL lawyer story because that, to me, is a conflict of interest. OP needs to go directly to the Judge or the Bar and let them know about it.
I don't do screaming kids, but if they're in my yard, I have control of them and I gently but firmly tell them not to scream. The neighbor kid & my kids cousin does it, and if they get carried away, I tell them they'll go home if they don't stop. That usually fixes it.
With her brother in law as her ex's lawyer, wouldn't that be a major conflict of intrest because of inside personal knowledge?
I agree on the last story. I don't care what she's studying for; she was about to earn her Ph.D of all things! There's no excuse for poor planning at that point, she should know better. >.>
The late friend needs to be told all her appointments are earlier than usual. It got an OP's parents on time to a wedding (much to the dismay of the parents)
Ok. If I can get my a** to work on time on the days that my depression is bad enough I don't even want to breathe, she can get herself ready on time.
Third story : Yeah... this screaming issue is annoying with young girls who screech loudly over nothing.
Story 5: A rare case of nobody sucks here. The husband had no obligation to inform OP of their change of heart and wanting the whole house to themselves- they were being nice about it. OP gave notice well in advance of deadlines for it, and had given warning back when they'd first started renting that it'd be a one year thing.
Sure, it sucks for the couple to have to move away, but they were always going to have to do so, and from what OP said they shouldn't really have any problems getting a new place.
I don't think they were being nice, it sounded very rude to me.
Imagine moving in somewhere and telling an older tenant that they should start looking because you're just that confident that you can out them despite your clear lease
@@nessajulian9924 honestly, that's the iffy part- they told this to the "older tenant" after speaking to the realtor who's handling the lease... Why would the realtor not simply know to shut down such offers straight away, because the landlord/lady does not want to lease past X day?
@@bragnir we don't know what happened there, there's a possibility they were shut down and still thought they could offer good money and get what they want
or the plan was to run op out so they could swoop in to rent both floors
@@nessajulian9924 that... I hadn't thought of, and would definitely be a sucky move, if it happened.
The first story. In the Netherlands is forbidden to represent or oppose your direct family. Its strange its not forbidden everywhere
Someone working towards their PhD I would assume knows how long it _could_ take to get ready on a bad day and be ready before they need to leave. They would have made OP sit in the car for 45 minutes by the time she took to get ready instead of the 5 minutes he was there. It is not OP’s fault that she doesn’t have a good time management skill.
Last story: What PHD is that girl getting????? I hope they don’t work as a medical doctor.
Ummm first story. Just asked a lawyer friend who said it’s likely a conflict of interest. I’d contact their boss and the local bar.
On the third story about the screaming girl, my sister has noise related PTSD and screams from her grandchildren will trigger her. Maybe the OP has something similar.
I understand not tolerating the screaming. Had kids around the corner that screamed and shrieked from the moment they went out to play. Had new neighbors with screaming kids, yep they moved next to me. Had to keep my doors and windows shut even on the nicest days.
Yeah, you’re on point about the lawyer BIL. And he is violating ethical standards by talking with his client’s opponent. He needs to re reported to the state bar (if he’s in America)
Last story: You didn't make her miss it she did. 20 minutes, with not so much as a text message, that's ridiculous and disrespectful of your time.