r/Amiwrong My Husband's Cheating with Our Kid's Friend
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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0:00 Intro
0:09 Cheater
3:29 Not into you
7:42 To embarrass
10:10 Another cheater
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
“Stuck sleeping with one woman for the rest of your life” is such a nasty way to describe marriage. If you feel that strongly about it, why get married at all?
That line basically boils marriage down to just having sex and discounts all of the other things that make marriage wonderful. I really hope that OP leaves her nasty spouse.
@MadameMeowth and if you're concerned about sexual variety, just get a pineapple
Maybe because a marriage has more to offer than only sex and you are willing to sacrifice that for the marriage but not without one last fun time?
I agree. It’s such a nasty way to look at marriage. I see marriage as being with the one you truly love for the rest of your life. Your best friend, your confidant, your partner in crime. It’s supposed to be wonderful; especially since we now live in an age where marriage isn’t a social requirement anymore (for lack of a better word)
@@vanguardangel6912There's not as much of a social requirement, but there is still a lot of social pressure.
Marriage is often viewed as just "the next step" in a relationship. If person (usually a man) does not propose, or if a couple is not getting married, they are viewed as unserious, uncommitted, or occasionally even unfaithful.
As a person (usually a woman) gets older and remains unmarried, they are viewed as past their prime, or low value. They are shamed about "wasting" the best years for conceiving and raising children. Sometimes they're painted as selfish, or arrogant.
There is also a good bit of purity culture. Sex before marriage is often still seen as undesirable, even if it isn't an outright taboo. A person (especially a woman) who isn't a virgin is often presented as dirty, or used. Or is seen as overly promiscuous and sure to be unfaithful. Sex is still often viewed as a sacredly intimate act that only committed partners should engage in, and hookups, though a bit more accepted now, are still viewed as a kind of dirty or selfish behavior.
This all comes together to pressure all people to get married in order to have sex with only one person as the only acceptable relationship goal. There are a ton of people that end up married that really don't want to and shouldn't be married just because that's the only way they've been taught relationships can be. Then, of course, they cheat, because what's the alternative? Divorce and throw away a relationship that meets most of your needs in order to pursue the one that isn't? Ask your spouse if it's okay to sleep with someone else and risk exploding your marriage because they have also been conditioned that this is the only way to relationship and that even entertaining desires about someone else is tantamount to acting on them? Spend the rest of your life with one of your needs unmet and grow into a bitted old couple as resentment builds between the both of you?
I mean, obviously the answer is "Have these conversations and set expectations before even thinking about marriage" but usually the pressure to marry gets to you before you're wise enough to to know how to properly relationship.
Rslash, racists in interracial relationships are more common than you think, a lot of time the racist partner expresses the racism not through traditional signs of hatred but through acts of perceived superiority, heavy fetishism/objectification...... basically think about it like this its like how most misogynistic men still want a wife or woman to have sex with but otherwise hate women. Source, I have experienced this
Unfortunately, this is true. I'm biracial and sometimes my dad will say things and I just want to call him out on it.
I am biracial and have also experienced this
This is super true. Which isn’t even counting people who are the “I don’t see colour” kind of racists that perpetuate racism in their marriages and families while claiming ignorance and refusing to educate themselves when confronted until it becomes a harmful pattern.
My mom is white and used to have this problem, but she’s become a lot better since I’ve become an adult because now instead of crying and her just saying I’m having a tantrum it’s a lot harder to not confront it when your mixed race adult child calmly looks you in the eye and says “that was a really racist thing to say to me.”
It's also very easy for racists to think the one person they actually like is exceptional, while other people of their race are generally bad. That's why racists can love actors/singers of a race they typically hate. "One of the good ones."
@@mickymcbryan4814I don’t think “education” is the cure for people like that.
When Rslash read the line "my daughter is 19 and her friend is also 19" I was kinda thinking "oh thank god." Because the title of the video really got me panicking.
I mean he's still 20 years older and harassing a teenager, but yeah it could've been much, much worse.
Eh we don’t know how long he’s known her tho
Still she could be his daughter (like she is the same age as his daughter) and even if people want to make it not that big with a BuT iT iS lEgAl there is a silent rule to not date the friends of your children
@@cynister7384 yeah still gross but the way the video was titled made me think the daughter and friend were like 13, 14 or 15 and the husband is PDF File if you know what I mean.
@@Diamond123682from how OP states they're close to the friend's family had to be for a good part of their child's life.
Girl in the second story HAD to have known he was going into a test when she called him. He said that they talked daily still. She told him all the dirty details on purpose to hurt him as badly as possible, and screw up his big test on top of it.
The idea that she wasn't thinking clearly made me think that it wasn't really consensual.
@asmith8692 have you ever heard of a SA victim sharing intricate details of the experience with someone they would normally want to protect their image around? I'm not an expert but this whole thing is just weird. OP is better off letting one of her actual friends know about the situation, block her, go no contact, and never look back.
@@asmith8692 That's just the oldest excuse.
@@zacharyjackson1829indeed! Reminds me about something that happened to a friend of mine. He dated this girl who was adamant about not having sex until marriage or something. She always carried a keyholder that was a gift from a male friend. One day, she told my friend that such friend SA her while she was drunk, but was "gentle" and shit... Yeah, sounds terrible, except that a woman would not keep a gift from her r@pist! Who would do that! Of course, my mate Kicked her out of his life
@@asmith8692 if you actually believe that, I don't know what to tell you except you're just not that smart.
I will never understand how "it meant nothing" is supposed to soften the blow. In my eyes, it makes everything worse.
Right?
It meant nothing means I meant nothing when you did it.
Because sex doesn't need to be connected to emotion. The cheater doesn't love the one he's cheating with, no emotions were involved, just lust. That's the idea of "it ment nothing". The cheater still loves his own partner.
@Raketo900 it means you can betrayyour partner over nothing... definitely worse than an actual something
@@horselover40 or maybe it shouldn't be considered as betrayal, since sex without feelings isn't that bad. But don't ask me, I'm only playing the devil's advocat here.
@@Raketo900 and a bad one at that. Most people don't want to be with someone that has meaningless sex and expects their partner to not feel any type of way about it. Just because it didn't mean anything doesn't mean it'll not mean anything to the person that got cheated on
That is NOT what bachelor parties are for. That's disgusting. I hate the type of people who call it "the last night of freedom"
I also hate how they'll do this to foreign people because they don't know our culture here. So fing disgusting.
@@blackrex828agreed, it's exploitive
@@blackrex828look everybody knows in every culture that if somebody's getting married or in a relationship, you shouldn't sleep with that person. Maybe some teeny tiny tribe in the depths of a forest somewhere doesn't know that, but everyone else does. If you consent to sleeping with someone who's a virtual stranger to you, you can't be upset they are in a relationship.
Edit also it's not our culture or our tradition in the west to cheat on our bachelorette night. That's just scummy people being scummy. And here's a surprising pack. Scummy people exist in every culture. Race create ethnic group religion, economic standing, political standing. It is a universal human trait.
@@blackrex828 a decadd ago you could get info about things . Op shouldve looked up cultural stuff before, during and after a weeding. Or atleast ask her in-laws. Op wasnt completely helpless. Plus she an AH to herself for holding this grudge and not trying to move past it. Will she forbid her child from having a Bachelorette party when they want to get married?
@@Dartkitten You act like OP has been holding this grudge for her whole marriage as if she didn’t *just* find out about her husband cheating on her. Of course she’s upset, she didn’t know until now!
Final story;
If your logic when getting married is to throw a bachelor party to f*ck a hot one before you're "stuck" sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life, you aren't ready for marriage.
If you are anything but excited to be with that one person for the rest of your life, don't get married or seek a monogamous life. Why is that such a hard concept?
Your partner deserves to know this logic before saying I Do too. Lying by omission is still lying.
Yeah that first part would have really hurt my feelings if I was op.
Yeah this is what I came here to say. Completely agree.
Yeah I was gonna say sounds like the guy is actually poly but doesn't want to admit it, or is unaware that's a thing, or something. Like I mean by itself, I can't honestly say that a one-way polyamorous preference is wrong, if you're just open and honest about it. It's like any other preference. If a guy says "I prefer having sex with multiple women, but being the only man in their life," well.. okay then. At least you didn't pop it on them the night before the wedding.
Since he was using an excuse to justify sleeping with another woman before he was "stuck" with his wife, I would seriously doubt that he hasn't found another *excuse* since then.
Not only that but I can almost guarantee that if the Roles were reversed then the Husband would be criticizing OP for "Cheating" on him!
I am not that deep in. But my heart sank at "trying to cheat with our daughters friend" like the dread was reaaaal.
The last story: I am willing to bet that if the shoe was on the other foot and OP was the one who cheated on her husband during her bachelorette party, that he'd be just as angry. To him, it wouldn't be a tradition at bachelor/bachelorette parties. The fact that, in OP's words, her husband looked unhinged when his friend was recounting the details of that party- goes to show you that the husband knows he did a bad thing.
Now, he's trying to gaslight her into believing that cheating on your soon to be spouse on the night of your bachelor party is an American tradition that is completely foreign to her.
I still think Op shouldve done her reasearch about what happens before, during and after a wedding if you marry someone in a diffrent culture. Op is also an AH to herself for holding a grudge for so long.
@@Dartkitten #1 She hasn't been holding a grudge. After 12 years of marriage, she finds out he cheated on her during his bachelorette party. There is no grudge; it is literally a fresh wound.
#2 Your insistence that someone should do research on matrimonial ceremonies and traditions all willy-nilly is bizarre, and is not something you should have to do. And this is coming from someone who did marry someone from a different culture. If anything, it would be something you discuss with your partner as you are planning your wedding, unless you are wanting to research it.
#3 Don't fall into the trap the husband is trying to put OP into. You know for a fact that sleeping with someone during your bachelor/bachelorette party is bogus, and he is just trying to use that excuse to get out of trouble. His reactions when his friend started talking about it says all you need to know.
The husband in the first story is not only a creep going after a girl half his age, but he's also racist. Crazy how often those two things go together. OP and her daughter deserve better.
I am a little darker than my other sisters and my stepdad mentioned how he was surprised that I am my mother's biological daughter when my other bio sister is 'fully white' and my mother is fully Caucasian. This man is one of the many reasons for why I refuse to acknowledge my First Nations ancestry.
And yes, this man is also a creep. He keeps making passive aggressive digs about mine and my sisters' bodies (including his bio daughters with my mum). I sincerely hope that OP's husband in the first story isn't the same level of creepy towards his own daughter.
They do?
@@TiffWafflesso basically if she has a vaj he makes critical and/or openly sexuaI comments? Also he made you ashamed to be 1st nations?
@@thegercast4794 Why are people not allowed mention all 3 things?
@@thegercast4794 so an 18 year old and a 70+ year old is fine in your opinion?
Second story - OP needs to remember that HE doesn’t owe the ex either.
OP is not obliged to give her attention - or to be there waiting for her when she ends up regretting her bedroom adventures.
To be clear - her not wanting to have sex at FIFTEEN doesn't make her not into OP - and I wouldn't be surprised if she was assaulted based on her description of the event.
@@amaeliss7827 Their ages at the start doesn't matter - both were children.
But in the NOW they're both adults. And as adults neither owes the other bodies or sex.
"couldn't believe she did it" & "wasn't thinking straight" - sounds like her body responded and she didn't think about the consequences until afterwards.
That's regret.
@@giraffegiraffe8702 it does matter because this grown adult is complaining that she didn't sleep with him without any understanding that a 15yo might not be ready.
@@amaeliss7827 It sounds a little like you're looking at him like he's an adult and her like she's a child. That's not how this works - they were *BOTH* children then and *BOTH* adults now.
She - as an adult - slept with someone else and now regrets it and told him all about it.
And somehow he's not allowed to feel anything negative about this? Not allowed to be hurt? Not allowed to be hurt that she didn't even wait to jump into someone else's bed? (even if they first had relations as children)
This is why I said he doesn't owe her a relationship. Because personally the way it was written it felt like she expected him to just take her back. That it was expected that he would be perfectly OK with this and be welcoming... And I don't see that as realistic.
@@giraffegiraffe8702 he, as an adult, seems to resent who she was as a child's which is what I'm criticising
Story 3: Yeah, OP had every right to call out Meghan for her weird behavior and probably even trying to take the BF. It's going to hurt the dynamic for a while, but hopefully it will get Meghan to back off, at least a little
or you know, meghan will leave the group and then the dynamic will improve.
Probably trying to take the BF? She was definitely trying to take the BF
That makes absolutely no sense when I'm in a bad place I don't jump into bed with somebody I described as a creep
She's just trying to sugar coat her screw up so that she doesn't sound or look all that bad
He was never a creep.
She was just trying to ease OP's mind that he wasn't a threat to him so she could play both sides. It could be described as "the guy she told you not to worry about" phenomenon.
People were telling op in the comments she didn't owe him anything and he was wrong for feeling like he does. This was one of his updates after finding out she slept with the other dude.
UPDATE: Just as I was going to text her to say goodbye/cut her off, she tells me she doesn’t think we should speak anymore because of her “terrible mental state”. Surprise surprise, she fucked him again. She claimed she did it yet again because she’s on a downward spiral “doesn’t want to pull me down with her.” Said she wants to spare me from a woman as insane as she is and to “live my best life without her.” Pretty sure she blocked me.
@@ellavarnes2392 Unfortunately that's reddit for you
Btw, I think there's a certain parody of That's Amore to explain the probable reason for her over-sharing afterward. If you know, you know.
Bro, if you don't wanna be stuck sleeping with one woman for the rest of your life, there are PLENTY of women out there who are into that kind of relationship.
Trying to pretend that you're monogamous when that's not what you really want is the best way to have a marriage that falls apart long before either of you retire.
The trouble with people like him, is they want a wife who's monogamous, while not being so themselves. There are plenty of women out there who are willing to be in open relationships, but few who are willing to share while getting nothing in return.
@@coppercorn gross! 🤮
I guess there's a reason a lot of non-monogamous people/groups make sure to specify "ethical" .... -.-
That last story, WTF that isn't what someone who wants to be married does at his bachelor party. dude straight up lied to his "foreign" wife. I don't know how someone could possibly say that. that friend didn't tell the story out of the blue he had an agenda.
Op still cpuldve gottwn info from the in-laws or her then fiance himself. Shes also an AH to herself for holding a grudge for so long, it cant be good emotionaly or uncosiously when thinkin about her husband.
@@Dartkitten It's not a grudge, she only found out that night....
Actually, it's INCREDIBLY common for racists to also be in mixed marriages.
Not sure why exactly, but it usually has cross-over with not respecting the other sex in general.
It's the "exotic" thinking. Kinda a ooOooO It's "taboo"!
Same reason misogynists have married women throughout history, they're just not very bright, and they have no consistent worldview.
@@StuckUnderTheCovers when someone tells me they have "jungle fever" 🤦♀️
@@kp2223 I might vom
Hate to say, but if you would like my honest opinion. It's the same thing as the "Straight Men" who hate gays but literally "Fantize" and will watch "Lebian Porn" of two women being with each other while he "Gets to have both of them."
It's the same way of thinking here. They just like the "Fantatsy" of having an "Exotic Wife" to show off to the others or they literally just married someone who isn't "White" just to prove the whole, "How am I a Racist? I married an Indian!"
Nothing like staring a morning with Rslash and the audacity of a racist
Story 3: she openly flirted with your bf in front of everyone, it might have been embarrassing on the group chat but it's not like no one didn't already know.
As far as I can see it, Meghan embarrassed herself.
If I may, whilst the girl in the second story is absolutely awful for how she played with OP's feelings, knowing how old they were when they got together makes 'made me wait 4 years' seem more, idk, normal. Of course it's all normal, if a person isn't ready, they're not ready. But they were 15-16! I'd say she had a good head on her shoulders BACK THEN to not want to rush into sex
Yeah, I was thinking the same. Also, it's very likely that she is curious about sex with other people. It's not the same when it's your first time than after that. She is not handling it well, but that can be kind of expected, giving their age and that they haven't dated anyone else. If they have been good friends for a long time, it's also likely that she feels she can tell him those things, and maybe she isn't considering that this will hurt him. I do think that if she knew he had a difficult test, it was a shitty move to tell him all those details. But again, maybe she doesn't think he would feel hurt by it. They should establish some boundaries and date other people for a while...live a little.
Yeah but when they started having sex, she just didn't like him enough to not use protection or do other stuff in the bed. But she did like that other guy enough to do the things she didn't do with her ex.
@@joedpa I'm not justifying or condoning her cheating. I'm saying 'making' him wait for 4 years isn't weird once he dropped their ages. Like damn, she used to have a good head on her shoulders as a teen that she somehow lost as an adult.
That girl in the second story is telling him bc she's too much of a coward to actually break it off but he's also he "safe spot". As a woman that's been around a LOT of women just like that, she wants to feel like she's being "truthful" like "bc I'm being SO open, he'll HAVE to give me the benefit of the doubt for what I did!" I'm willing to bet she has no friends.
That first story is out of pocket. Damn. My heart goes to OP and her daughter.
Edit: These stories today. Wtf?
This is why my boyfriend and I will NEVER have a "traditional" bachelor and bachelorette party. We both find strippers and the idea of "the last night of freedom" disgusting. We're faithful to each other to the bitter end. My boyfriend even calls me his fiance to people in public and it makes me feel good that he's so confident in our future and being faithful. We're considering either combining our bachelor parties and going out together at an arcade or gaming together with our friends at our place or having separate parties where we do our own fun things. He did say if he had a bachelor party, he'd be playing League of Legends with the boys or something haha. In any case, if anyone sees a bachelor/ette party as "one last night of freedom" don't get married. You're clearly not mature enough for marriage
That sounds incredibly sweet and awesome. Congratulations you too 💖
S1) OP needs to not only divorce this creep but help Aliya and her family have him charged. This wasn't some teenage girl. This was a girl who he quite possibly watched grow up with his own. Let everyone know the reason why. If they still want to cry about how he did nothing wrong they can join him on the exit ramp out of OP's life. This is not salvagable. Aliya will not want anything to do with Dia if she finds out the creeps still around. OP also needs to ensure her own daughter knows what happened. Disgusting.
S2) OP let this garden tool go. She's getting off on showing you how little she thought of you. She also wants to have you around as a fall back option. Odds are this guy and her had something going on while in the relationship. Do better by yourself and leave this trash were it belongs. Out of your life. Also betting money says he bounces as soon as she says she's pregnant and then try to say it's yours. Run away from this dumpster fire garden tool.
S3) Megan wants him to cheat. Its how her kind get their rocks off. She like taken cause she wants to take. It's good that OP's bf isn't interested in gardening tools.
S4) Divorce. It's the only answer. It isn't custom. It's something jerks do in order to feel more masculine. Also it wasn't years ago that it happened. It happened when you found out. Add in if he's willing to hide this on you what else is he hidding?
Have him charged for what exactly?
@@josephnorris4095 harassment for one. If he makes her feel uncomfortable and she told him to stop it stands. Also there's no idea where this creep got the idea to try something. Creep needs to be put on notice just in case. He's proven to be unsafe why give anyone like him a chance to target anyone else.
Cops would just tell them it's a civil matter, so rather than waste everyone's time and tip the fucker off so he start preparing, just skip straight to civil court.
The bachelor/bachelorette one was hard to listen to lol I’ve never understood the need to sleep with someone else because you’ll be “stuck with the same person forever” like isn’t that the point of marriage? Why are you getting married with that mind set? 🤣 my husband got drunk with his buddies and played Mario cart and then walked to in and out after. He snap chatted me the whole time and even brought me food just because he knew I’d be hungry 🤣🤣 I can’t even with people honestly lol
Part of it is women force men to marry them even when the men never wanted to get married to begin with. Though most men dont want to marry to protect themselves from the horrible marriage laws that give women the kids the house the car and half his money till the kids are adults or he dies homeless on the streets or in jail for not handing over his life when she leaves to be with someone else.
Last story:
People who cheat on their soon to be spouse on their bachelor/bachelorette party shouldn't be married at all. Unless you are specifically in a poly relationship and have consent, sleeping with other people while using the excuse that it's your final day to do whatever you want before you commit is despicable.
You're committed to your partner the moment you get engaged, since that's the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. If anyone can easily throw that out just to have fun for one night without your partner knowing then you're not ready to settle.
Poor woman, I would divorce my husband if I was in her shoes. Not only did he cheat on her, he had kept it a secret for years and continued on with life. Movies don't always equal real life, the husband sucks for manipulating her into thinking it was a normal thing
Yeah, it MIGHT be able to say that if she wanted, she could forgive him if he owned up to and apologized, said it was stupid etc. But to turn around and try to gaslight her and make her think it's "a western thing" is absolutely unforgivable in my eyes. Frankly, I'd be shocked if he wasn't still cheating on her with that attitude.
"Stressful time in his life" what kind of stress makes you do horrible stuff like that????
Final Story: Him gaslighting her saying its normal western tradition to cheat on an escort is insane.
He’s lying to her, not gaslighting her.
Guess she needs to go out and f a ''hottie'' cause she missed hers at the bachelorette party? How much u wanna bet he's gonna bring up some double standard to gaslight more at that point? Ruined marriage.
@@kranberry3318 The American Psychological Association defines gaslight as:
To manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events
he's gaslighting her into believing that sleeping with another person at the bachelor party is normal custom to try and cover it up.
Op still shoulsve done better research about thw wedding before, during and after said wedding. I also think Op is the AH to herself for holding a grudge for 12 years.
@@Dartkitten she's not holding the grudge for 12 years, she just found out about it as they reunited with the scumbags friends.
For the last story, these types of parties has always been really weird to me, and they give me the ick, celebrating your last night as a "single man/woman" but, they have been in a relationship before that? Why would they have strippers an so on? Would they be okey if their bf/gf or spouse went to a stripper club any other day? Ugh, I really, really hate this
I was my husband's first everything, and what did he do for his bachelor party? They went to Top Golf and had fun. The idea of even entertaining other women never even entered his mind.
The first guy isn't even a cheater, he's a creep who harassed his daughter's friend, for an affair to happen, both the cheater and the other person have to agree to be into it (be it emotional or physical)
Bachelor Party Story: my good friend married a very successful guy, and they’ve had a great marriage for over 20 years. At their 20th anniversary party, after a lot of champagne, the men started talking about the bachelor party, and all that went on. It was super gross, with all the men at the party foo king up with the prostitutes/dancers hired for the party. Most of the men were married, only a few single. The groom got ‘serviced’ by all the females simultaneously, then performed for the group.
The look on my friend’s face said it all. He’s been sleeping in the guest bedroom ever since.
If your thought process when you get married is "uuugh, this is the only woman I'm allowed to stare at for the rest of my life." Maybe don't get married?
Story One: it is possible to be both racist and also want an interracial marriage. There is a lesser known thing called colorism, where someone isn't necessarily racist, but discriminates based on the shade of a person's skin, not their actual race. It's like how you hear these stories of darker skinned Latinos or African Americans being picked on and discriminated against because they don't have lighter skin. It's stupid, but unfortunately it's real.
💯
Cheater: OP is not throwing away anything. Joshua is!
#2 - About her waiting with OP and giving it up for Man Ho: For most women I know, giving up your virginity can be a complex decision. Plus she was pretty young. Now she's in her 20's and virginity is no longer an issue. She broke the seal, so to speak (no pun intended 😆) She obviously made more idiotic choices for her second go-round and better hope penicillin shots are the worst she has to face. IMO her confession is selfish and cruel. She's leaning on their familiarity and history, treating him like an intimate bestie and ignoring how it might make him feel. OP needs distance from this chick at the least.
The first story:
When you said "how can he be racist but want to be in a interracial relationship?" All darker skinned BIPOC experience that. Colorism runs rampid. Thats why a lot of countries have skin lighting treatments. Its heart breaking.
He only wants to be with them for the fetish. He has this fantasy about indian women but when the reality wasnt his fantasy he started to built resentment for something thats his fault.
Hearing rSlash is how my dog knows it's time to start the morning 😅
My husband went bowling with his friends at his bachelor party and I just had dinner with some friends I hadn't seen in a while.
Why is it always the classic response by the family/in-laws to go to the spouse who didn't cheat and be like "Don't throw away your marriage" ... Like sorry, the cheater is the one that threw away the marriage, the spouse just refuses to dig it back out of the trash.
Story 1: So naturally, if OP had been the one attempting to cheat and being racist, MIL would obviously insist hubby go back and forgive her right…RIGHT?
Naw NTA OP throw his ass out
for story 2, dude you're a massive catch to be that willing to wait that long, pick literally any other gal, you'll be treated like a king my man
My bachelorette party was a group of girls I worked with. One girl in the group took it upon herself to throw me a party when I told her I wasn't going to have one. I didn't have any girlfriends where I was. This girl made lots of phallus-shaped cakes and stuff, we had drinks, and we played Cards Against Humanity. That was literally it, and it was the best time ever! Bachelor/ette parties are NOT an excuse to get some before you're stuck with one person forever. If you think you still want to sleep with someone else, DON'T GET MARRIED! Simple!
Last story: if that's his logic, would he still stand behind it if she did the same thing with a hot guy at her Bachelorette party, or would he freak out and call her a cheater ? I'm smelling some double standards here.
Y'all stop commenting on the upload time. He's a busy guy, he's got a daughter, he and his family were in china for a while because of lunar new year and hes probably adjusting life around the time change. It doesnt matter what timw he uploads, he's still uploading. Please be kind to RSlash, comments like that can be very demotivating
Yours is the only comment I've seen mention it 🤷🏼♂️
That second story, yeah she doesn't owe him anything but she didn't break up with him to get her mind right, she broke up to hook up with the other guy. That's her business, but OP should run away and find someone who wants to be with him.
Yeah thats what i'm thinking maybe even letting his emotions out (in a healthy way) the story is simpel it sucks but life will go on
@@juliaboskamp9666The other thing if he blew up at her, she could just blame him for the break-up.
Honestly, the deadbeat racist of a father in the first story straight up sounds legit psychopathic.
I wouldn't be surprised if he was the kind of guy yelling about "meat bicycles" while running at you with a makeshift axe.
Story 1: Divorce him. He's clearly looking around and for some reason has a problem with his wife's race... that's just weird.
Story 2: OP needs to get over it. Why he maintained any sort of relationship post breakup is baffling. She made it explicitly clear that she wanted to ride the carousel, and even if it was supposed to be a temporary break, what she does, and who she does it with, is not his concern. I understand why he's upset, but the only thing to do is realize that she yearned for the streets, and let her go.
Story 3: Why is it sexist and possessive when a guy tells another guy to back off when it concerns his girlfriend, but "defending her territory" when a woman does it?
OP should have made it explicitly clear to her BF that the way this other girl was interacting with him was making her uncomfortable. The ball is then in his court. He's the one that needs to shut her down. This is his responsibility to shut down. Her reacting is just going to make things worse. If he shuts her down definitively, then she'll know there's no point and move on. Instead, OP just threw chum in the water by announcing publicly that she's concerned and he's not.
Her making a comment in the group chat will change the group dynamic and the other members of the group didn't sign up for that. OP is comming off as jealous and posessive. Yes, the girl is in the wrong for hitting on a guy in a relationship, but that doesn't make OP right.
Story 4: That is not normal. That is not what a Batchelor party is for. It's to tempt the guy's resolve and let him know for sure that he wants to settle down. Yes, it's basicly a test. He failed. It's been years ago, so what to do now is 100% in OP's court, but I would be looking for other signs of infidelity. That being said, if you go looking for something, you tend to find it. Not necessarily because it's there, but because you misinterpret what you do find. I'd say she should see if she can forgive this and move forward, or leave.
Racists in interracial relationships are incredibly common. I was married to a racist and didn’t know until we divorced and it flew out in full force.
Story #2: My high school girlfriend and I were each other's first everything. Took us a year and a half to do anything serious. It was all so sweet and innocent. Then she went to college and got spit-roasted by two hockey players inside of a month. Story of the world, man.
that's fucked.
i was with my girlfriend for 3 years & she cheated on me with a 50 y/o man, became a prostitute
Story 2: this reminds me a ton of my own ex, who had wanted to take it slow with our first kiss then, 2 months into the relationship, messaged me while she was out with her friends asking if she could kiss one of her friends because they'd pulled out one of those soda can tabs. Op is better off moving on and cutting contact with her if he can because she'll probably just continue rubbing her new relationship exploits in his face and it'll make him feel like shit
Wait, what? I don't understand the coda can thing. Can you explain? I'm curious. Probably some kinda cultural thing that I don't know but it sounds interesting if you don't mind sharing
@@Ashfold_Eberesche basically it’s something that originated on Pinterest. You know those tabs on soda cans? Basically you pull it off and depending on comes off you can give it to someone else for a hug, kiss or s*x. Usually, it’s between partners or as a joke between friends, NOT an excuse to cheat lol
Second story: R/Slash is bang on with his synopses. She sees OP as a safe pick in her friend zone. Sorry OP. She's definitely not into her. Move on.
Story 4: Dude there's literal tea everywhere from spitting it out at dude saying 'bang a really hot chick because you're stuck sleeping with one woman for the rest of your life'. OP, believe me. Most guys just go to a strip club, get their rocks off, have some drinks. Strippers in cake are occasionally included if you're really loaded with cash, from what I understand of the rich.
It *happens* but it's not some sort of fuckin' mandatory thing. Your husband just uh. He sounds like he wasn't a catch, and depending on what 'unhinged' qualifies as and the way he talked about it...he still ain't, despite the way you described your marriage. Sorry OP.
Story 2: Imagine your girl sells apples. They are her private property, and she can set her prices as she pleases. You urn for her apples but respect her boundaries, and end up paying ten dollars for an apple. Then, a creep comes along, creepily gocking at her apples, and she gives him an apple for free.
She cucked you, OP, and has zero respect for you, likely doesn't see you as a proper man. Dump her and move on.
The second story; I think everything she did was intentional and calculated. It’s not obvious as to why from the story. But she makes him wait for her, sleeps with a guy who he really dislikes and sounds like a bad person and tells him before his test in a way that sounds like she’s trying to upset him on purpose.
For anyone outside of the US, and some who are in. Movies do NOT describe western culture. What is ok in a movie tends to not be ok in real life.
Story 2: Also have to consider that sex with anyone could have been a huge step for her. Not that it takes her this long to get comfortable with a person, more took her a while to get comfortable with sex in general. Especially since she was much younger when OP got with her than this other guy. Does not at all excuse the cheating but maybe would help OP feel less like he was "worse" than the other guy.
Story 2 had a lot of nuances that aren't being talked about. They were early teens when they got together. She was 14 and made him wait 4 years. That's only 18. That feels super normal to not want to lose your virginity between 14 and 18. Especially with society and the pressure it puts on women's virginity. The anxiety of getting pregnant. Ect.
Yes. She didn't need to tell him all of this before a test or at all. But she was filling a friend in on things that happened that maybe she was having anxiety about. And if he was just remaining her friend to get back with her, then that's also a dick move on his part.
But him being pissed his pre 18 girlfriend didn't sleep with him because as a 20 year old she's having sex with other people is gross energy
Second story: She told him all of this BEFORE an important test. That makes it so much worse! Like she was trying to sabotage him or something!
Honestly, I'd reply casually and ask when she was seeing the other guy again. Try to play it off casually, purely platonic and unattached, just to see how she reacts. If she gets pissed, I'd take that as a sign that she was just trying to rub it in his face
"You shouldn't throw away 15 years of marriage"
Yeah, the person the husband cheated with was a toddler at the time OP married him.
That's not creepy at all, is it?
Story 2: The ages honestly change everything. Not having sex for 5 years when you're young and you've never had sex before is not really that unnatural. Not having sex from 15-20 is not the same as not having sex when in a relationship from 20-25. People are in very very different stages of their lives in those 2 age ranges. I don't think she disrespected him by not waiting to sleep with someone else when she made him wait. Like, does anyone really think that a 15 y/o girl who's never had sex should be expected to jump in bed with someone the way people in their early 20s will? No, that's absurd. Her waiting 5 years was NOT a reflection on OP and OP needs to stop thinking it was.
OP is dealing with the fact that he mostly dated her during her innocent phase when she wasn't ready for sex. And now they're not together at the start of her sexual experimenting/figuring out what she really wants phase. He's foolishly staying friends with her thinking they're on a temporary break, when that is not how it really is. He's just not experienced enough to know he should cut his losses because she's likely going to use him for the emotional support (basically as a security blanket) while she tests the waters and experiments with other guys. And she may not even realize that's what she's doing since most of their relationship was emotional, but not sexual. The same as it is now. Neither of them are emotionally mature enough to properly handle this situation and it will end messy. His best hope is realizing their lives are going in 2 different directions and cutting things off before it gets messier than it already is.
Thank the gods my guy's idea of a bachelor party is a gaming party. The strip club ALONE is an immediate cancellation of the wedding and relationship
Story 1: this is the same concept as 'a beard'. 'I can't be racist, I married a black woman' even if Indian in this case. You've had a story like this before where an Egyptian woman married into a Brazillian or Japanese (I forget which) family and they did their utmost to ignore her culture and force theirs upon her.
It's more possible then you think.
Edit: Story 2: She WANTS to make him jealous, to show just how little he matters to her. that's my take. I mean come on, I agree 'she's not that into you', but this feels like EITHER 'I want to burn this bridge' or 'I want to see how badly I can treat you'. make of that what you will
Story 2: She is being extremely malicious. Regardless of any reasoning she sees behind telling OP this, she is extremely malicious at her core. I had an ex who did this to me and it led to a full on mental break down. After I recovered, I realized she was just a really horrible human being to me. It took a while for me to realize how poorly she truly treated me throughout the relationship. OP, run away and never look back.
11:31 that’s movies OP. Bachelorette and bachelor parties are literally just to go on girls night out and boys night out where you can go crazy without having to worry about your partner, not cheat on them! This is why some separate before the wedding because idiots like this.
1st story: He might have started off okay and his family poisoned him -- he did mention the pressure he got from other people.
2nd story: I suspect she's more troubled than we know, and her behavior is a cry for help. To be clear, OP should not be the one to help.
Story 1: when your name is in an r/slash story as the villain:
Rip to my man struggling through daylight savings
That second story: I think it's important to note that OP's nightmare GF chose to tell him all this right before he walked into a major exam. So on top of all the rest, she was probably deliberately trying to screw up his score on the exam also. I think the GF needs a mental health intervention, and OP should definitely let her parents know about this sudden change in behavior.
Last Story: That's not normal or okay, OP. Take the red flag for what it is. If he thinks marrying you is being "stuck with you" then that is a clear sign not to marry him
To attempting to cheat to attempting to cheat with his daughters best friend to sending that girl racists remarks about his family and acting like a creep to her and then when his wife finds out trys gaslight her to not throw away their Marriage over text and now divorce is definitely coming for that asshole so it went from bad to worse to worser
OP needs to show her daughter the messages her husband sent the daughter's friend. The daughter is an adult and deserves to know what a creep her father is. Not to mention, she should know so she can protect and keep her friends away from him. Lastly, she should know because of his racism. He totally unmasked himself. Can you imagine what he says to his close friends about the mother's and daughter's race when he says that kind of stuff to someone he barely knows? The daughter needs to know where she stands with him so she can defend herself.
Second story: I don't think she didn't sleep with him before because "she wasn't that into him". They started dating very young, so it makes sense she wasn't ready for doing the deed.
Now that she's a young adult and has had her first time, she must have felt more confident going at it. I get why OP is feeling bad, but she didn't sleep with the new guy just because he was more attractive than OP.
That said, telling OP at that moment was such a messed-up thing to do. I wouldn't be friends with her, tbh
The husband from the last story reminds me of my bf’s ex. Cheaters will always find an excuse of why they cheated. This husband isn’t a husband he sees marriage as a burden to be with only one woman.
I don't know I kind of understand why the girlfriend in story 2 made him wait. They were 15 when they got together. And obviously she was just not ready to do anything at that super young age. She probably wasn't ready the next year either or for the next couple of years after that. I mean, they were literally children. Older children, but still they were legally children. She waited because she wasn't ready until she was an adult.
The reason she didn't make the creepy guy wait is because the mystery and taboo of sex was gone. She wasn't afraid to do it anymore as she'd been active for a while by that point.
Idk.. i really don't think that it's much deeper than that. Her reason for why she made OP wait and not the other guy is probably just that she wasn't ready to cash the V-card until she was a bit older.
Also, it may be easier to have sex with someone if there's no emotion involved. That means no fear of screwing up something good.
Her real problem is that she's checking out of the relationship without being honest about it and then oversharing her personal life with someone who obviously doesn't want to hear it. They both just need to break it off and move on.
Nah she's definitely rubbing it in his face whether intentional or not.
It kind of gives the energy of her trying to be a woman who married a gay guy even though he's not gay or trying to hide he's gay. Like he's her gay best friend or something.
Regardless theres nothing innocent about this.
Just how the guy kinda types about her, it just doesn’t seem right? I guess he is young but I think there is more to the story than we have, like maybe the guy treated her poorly and that’s why she is like that towards him.
Dunno can’t really make assumptions with it all.
I made a long comment, but it was essentially very similar. The GF wasn't waiting because it was OP, it was because she wasn't ready since she was a kid. After hearing the ages, most of his story felt REALLY GROSS that he was just mad he couldn't convince his GF to sleep together while they were teens.
OP tried to make it sound like they were ADULTS from the get go of their relationship in the story, and hearing that she was only 15... it's like DUDE, OF COURSE SHE WANTED TO WAIT.
She shouldn't be stringing OP along, but he's kind of a scumbag as well who's just jealous other teens had shemx and he didn't.
@@evavocative6975 THANK YOU!!! That's exactly how I felt!
Like, yeah obviously the gf shouldn't have said "we'll get back together again" or whatever... But jeez!!
They were literal CHILDREN. Period. Full stop.
Dude is just mad that he wasn't having sex like his buddies (allegedly) were.
Although, it's also very likely that his friends probably weren't either at the time.
Day 7/ week 1 : rslash please move it back to 8am central time, doing better but I miss my morning vibe
While I know it's an unpleasant idea... you could always watch 🥺🥺 not within the first hour😭😭😭 I know I couldn't bare it either but if you hire a professional editor to take today's videos and put together a in video screen capture of the video but they switch out the time stamp to the current day and uploaded when you need so you may be able to get through these tough times... there are r/supportgroups for this topic come and join us and at 8am central while we cry and wait for the new upload
@@dearrainfall846 that’s so smart!! I do watch every single one I haven’t missed a day in two years but I watch after work now instead of in the morning☺️ I will join this afternoon
I can't help but think that the only reason this guy in the first story married his wife was in hopes of a light skinned daughter. However none of the implications are good, and at worst many of them...well it's probably a blessing to the daughter not to suit her father's tastes.
I imagine that first story has to hit especially hard for RSlash, seeing as he is also a white man in an interracial marriage with a mixed race baby.
am i the only one who noticed any red flags in the second story? like, this girl was previously cautious/hesitant about sex, a boy she says she isn’t into harasses her and doesn’t seem to be taking no for an answer, and then suddenly she’s uncharacteristically having unprotected sex with him? like is no one else getting a sense that maybe there was some coercion involved?
and before anyone says it, i know the bf says she said it was consensual, but there’s a common misconception that not saying no = consent. maybe she said it was okay but that doesn’t mean she really wanted it,
The part about spouses cheating at the Bachelor/ Bachelorette parties are actually Hella common, it's pretty messed up though
I have never, nor will I ever understand the logic behind wanting strippers at a bachelor party, let alone cheat on your future partner. If you feel the need to do stuff like that and keep it a secret, maybe you're not ready to get married?
The first story gave me whiplash, on top of the craziness, I've never heard my name in a reddit reading before, let alone paired with my ex's name 😭😭😭
I am getting grooming vibes from OP's husband in the first story. I get that Aliya is nineteen and an adult, but I am getting some serious squick from the husband because the fact he's going after somebody so young makes me feel like he's a predator that goes after young girls and women.
I am sad that OP and her daughter had to learn that somebody that was their husband and father hated them because of their skin colour.
In the last story, Rslash might be forgetting that the husband was drunk. We're also getting narrator bias in this story, which basically means that because the narrator is Op and Op only. knows her side of the story we do t know her husband's side. This means her husband could have been so drunk that he had no way of saying no and, when he found out, tried to swear his friends to secrecy.
This theory of mine in compounded by the fact that he seems to have remained faithful the rest of the marriage.
Dude, he SAID that the point of a bachelor party was to "go and screw a really hot one" before being tied down to marriage. Why are you making up scenarios for which there is zero evidence? You might as well say "Oh, well, maybe he was actually abducted by aliens and they used the fucking Men in Black neuraliser to make him remember it differently and to prove it he actually really liked the Men in Black movie". It's based on just as much fact as yours, considering you state that he "seems to have remained faithful" when you've got... absolutely nothing to base that on. I'm not saying he DIDN'T stay faithful but... you can't just invent things out of whole cloth to excuse behaviour. It doesn't work that way.
I mean, it's just as likely that none of it even happened and it's someone farming Reddit karma. We don't know. The only way to deal with these stories is the assume truth unless you have a good reason to doubt. But none of what she is saying sounds suspect to me, and I see no reason to suddenly add in a random rape and swearing his friend to secrecy and the friend then reveals this secret but not properly, just the part where he had sex with a hooker. Gosh, why would he leave out the drunken rape I wonder?
Come on.
That guy's friend broke every bro code ever written. You NEVER discuss that night, even if there wasn't cheating. That's beatdown territory.
Like what kind of fucking moron discusses having sex with a prostitute at a bachelor party IN FRONT OF SOMEONE'S WIFE. That's legit sabotage, and honestly I think if you're going to be an asshole and cheat on your wife-to-be then you're infinitely better off just going and doing it on your own rather than give everyone you are friends with AT THE TIME some absolute magic fucking bullet blackmail for potentially the rest of your life. Better hope you never piss those friends off, or have a falling out, or just misjudge one of them and they're actually a dickhead.
Not saying you SHOULD cheat on your fiancee, far from it. But if you are dead set on it, don't give a bunch of dudes the power to ruin your life at the same time. That's just compounding mistakes.
My fiancé is having a massive LAN party for his bachelor party. Me and my wedding party are taking a painting class for my bachelorette. Overtly drunk sexual escapades don’t have to be the thing 🤷🏼♀️ and if they are the thing y’all want, no shame but boundaries and things should be discussed before the event by both parties. What OPs husband did was gross, and I’d bet my last $20 that he knows it too.
Second story: Don’t stay in a relationship with people you meet in high school.
Last story: that is NOT how bachelor parties are “supposed to be.” Media has tarnished bachelor parties. It is NOT a free pass.
Story 2: this woman loved having OP follow after her and dedicated. Now I bet she expected him to just stay with her after such a long commitment
I love how the last two auto-generated chapter names are "To embarrass" and "Another cheater" spells "To embarrass Another cheater" which I find to be really funny
HE decided to throw away his marriage over a few texts. He chose to throw it away by SENDING a few texts.
2nd story: she probably waited four years to have sex because she was only 15 when they got together. Now that she’s an adult she doesn’t have the same hang ups about sex like she did 6 years ago. Seems pretty reasonable that things like that would change after taking a break from your first and only major relationship.
I was thinking the same thing. But, she was still wrong for stringing him along after she ended up not being that into him.
The most fun bachelor party I ever went to was for my best friend. Me, him, his twin bother, one of his best friends, and his dad all went to a sleepy bar in the town the wedding was in and had hot wings and drank whiskey. It was a great time. Strippers and hookers and stuff are gross.
That second story, damn. Those are the actions of someone who 100% wants to burn bridges and ensure the ex knows they're never getting back together...... Or they're just evil.
Knew a guy like this. Don't think there was any racism but highly controlling. Daughter disowned them and he ended up marrying the friend.
7:36 I think it's a lack of empathy. She only sees him (and perhaps others in general) in the lens of what he can do for her and nothing else. She wanted a "friend" to share this with and didn't have any concern or thought of how it would make him feel.
1:30 ahh the cast system!
Different tones go in different zones.
Last story: 100% not normal and yeah he made it up and cheated on op, this basically happens with untrustworthy or like op says “ in movies “
Story 2: She said wasn't in the right mind space as an excuse to break up? Yeah, right.
She was probably already cheating by then, even if just emotionally.
Man story 2 had my stomach churning at the beginning, then got me pissed off as it went on. I had an ex that did the same thing to me. Except we were waiting till we got married. Guess which one of us is still a virgin.
"I can't uninvite her. She made the group."
Make another one. She's stomping the boundaries of your relationship you donut!!!
Man, my last bachelor party was just me, camping alone having some peace and solitude for a few days. Clearly I wasn't doing the American custom