I don't even call my therapist solely for appointments anymore - I currently see her as a legitimately trustworthy person that I've made friends with. Imo, therapists who want you to come back for that aforementioned "business retention" are likely as untrustworthy as it's being hinted here in this story. Stuff like this often gives me trust issues, but that's why I still talk to her about this stuff - she legitimately helps me learn to know better about the world around me.
When our marriage counselor said “I think you guys are in a good place I don’t think you need to see me once a month. Just schedule if something major comes up” it reinforced that she was a good one.
LOL Right! That was my first thought when the therapist said that! Keeping two people in a terrible marriage because you think more time (aka. money) with you will "fix it"... Sometimes you need to call it and after so long OP is ready to do just that!
I wonder if the therapist has a niche for spouses that cheat. Like they get a discount when they recommend a colleague that's also cheating. Like a friends and family discount
I saw in the reddit comments from OP that the therapist has a bias towards keeping couples together. Sounds like they need to change therapists because he's not going to take OP's feelings into consideration at all.
I love how OP's parents are like "Don't meddle in how your brother raises his daughter" but the dad didn't even KNOW that his daughter was dating an adult!
I didn't think the story would be that bad. I was thinking it was a 17 year old with a 19 year old. Not this! This is wrong on so many levels. This situation reminds me of a messed up nightmare where people do terrible crimes and then look at op like she's the crazy one.
Every single thing the parents said can be turned right back on them. The dad didn't know! The girl is below the age of concent! Tf is wrong with them?!
@hilaryhongkiong I really hope that op reports this for her niece's safety. Even though he hasn't "done anything" and "this is a vacation fling" what's stopping him from taking it to the next level? What's stopping him from keeping on dating the niece. the parents aren't going to do anything about it. And that whole "the parents are over seeing it so it's ok" is crap. That only would apply if the 17 year old dating the 19 year old was about to become 18 in a few months.
I mean there are "Romeo and Juliet laws" in most states, so there's no problem if a 17½-year-old dates a 19-year-old, or if two 16-year-olds date each other (though I have no idea what the lower boundary is, I assume it also varies state by state). This... this is not that. As a bald female, I have no frame of reference, but don't males not even _start_ balding until they're 30? This man is chasing high schoolers when they're on vacation, I bet he's been "21" for several years. Also, in what world is it okay if the parents are overseeing it? "Yes, officer, my daughter _did_ hotwire your car and drive it into a Golden Corral; but you see, _I_ watched her do it, so it's not a crime."
Because they're afraid of losing control. No, really, follow my logic: you learn your partner has been cheating on you. You're hurt, but you love them and don't want to think they're capable of hurting you for no reason. So you blame yourself, because if you're responsible then you could have done something different. If you did something wrong, then you COULD have done something right to prevent it, so you're technically in control. And because you want to keep that control rather than give up a relationship you've probably invested part of your ego or identity in, you convince yourself that your partner being callous enough to betray you isn't really all that big a deal after all. You can fix it. You're still in control. It *sucks* and it's wrong, but the logic exists.
@@etcetera1995 So it's all about the lost of control. Either way she's a bloody idiot who loved someone that she was incapable of controlling because love isn't about control. Both of them need to seek therapy separately after they divorce. He needs to work on his commitment issues so that he can stop self-sabotaging his relationships. She needs to work on her control issues.
I wonder if OP is religious and her therapist is somehow connected to the church? The fact that she's willing to forgive her husband's cheating is very telling and not only that but the therapist telling her that she's being hasty with her calling for a divorce.
Some cheaters are exceptionally good at manipulating the other into staying. Sometimes they're hanging on because they hope that they'll prove their loyalty and, one day, their other person will wake up and realize "you're the one for me" and 180 into the perfect person
I know this is only tangentially related, but what exactly is the difference between this subreddit and r/AITA? It's been driving me nuts since he started covering these. At first, I thought this was meant for less serious or extreme stories, but I've seen stories that are way less severe than this one over there. I know that metric is mostly subjective, but what else could be the point of having more than one of these subreddits.
Story 4: Rule of thumb, if you ever need to say “well the age of consent here is…” then the relationship is wrong and you’re a creep. Op is NTA but apparently her entire family is insane.
Well, if you're from that place, it's your culture and nothing intrinsically bad. Just when you travel to foreign places to enjoy their lower age of consent, then it's wrong.
It’s especially bad if you don’t live in the place you’re referring to, like if you live in the US then saying “the age of consent in Japan is-“ absolutely won’t work and will make you sound like a pedophile
The therapist definitely thought he had a mentally stimulating couple with lots of tea and didn’t want to let them go without knowing the full story. The therapist ALSO could sense good money coming in if they stayed together longer lol
Perspective makes all the difference, I agree. With this in mind; for all we know, the husband undermines details intentionally to make himself look better.
Probably not. Op added context, they are a gay couple (so no misogynistic roots). But the therapist admitted that he is biased towards wanting to keep couples together....
The therapist is kinda right though. It is too short of a time for the therapy. If OP is dedicated to the process, he needs to wait a bit longer. But he most definitely doesnt have to if he doesn't want that anymore.
@@chanterelle483While I disagree that the therapist is right to advise to not bail early (a boundary is a boundary, and just because it's the umpteenth in counselling, it's following decades of abuse for the client.), I also disagree that it is conclusive that the therapist is just milking the couple for entertainment and money. Yes that happens, but there's may other more probably explanations here (in fact there is an update confirming this in a comment above). If that's OP's belief, then they might benefit from some counselling themselves.
Story 4: the fact that they immediately got defensive and didn't answer your question mean they knew the whole time that boy was the grown ass man. Maybe they don't think it's going to last or they don't care, but there is the chance that they're getting something out of this relationship and they're willing to sell their daughter out for it. You absolutely should report this and tell anyone that tried to get mad that you if they weren't doing anything wrong then the cops won't arrest him.
I have the feeling that the grandparents made them conviennently meet at that church so that this creep could groom their granddaughter into being the perfect stay at home pregnant-and-barefoot christian wife. They got so pissed bc OP ruined their plans
This... this is what I was also gonna say. My biggest suspicion is that the parents are getting something out of it. No way a sane parent to a minor would allow this relationship.
Story 2: I stayed with my HS girlfriend for my first year of college (she was a year younger than me) and only broke up with her the next summer when she didn't make plans to go to the same school. I cared about her a lot, but didn't want to continue a long-distance relationship... instead of CHEATING like a piece of garbage.
This is why I think if you both plan on going to college in different places, might as well break up, and see what happens after. A few people I knew did that and got back together a couple years after they graduated.
@@angelacooper8973 Oh honey, I haven't told you the truth about a few of my friends, but that was aaaaages ago. Tell me YOU'RE a cheater without telling me.
Story 1: he totally paid off that counselor, like what jackass tell someone that divorcing someone for once again cheating is a hasty decision over a small mistake? At this point he doesn't want to change he just want to convince you that it's not a big deal, screw that idiot leave that SOB.
I would have unironically assumed he was sexist for making such a claim, to be blunt. How is "serial cheating" something he can so easily brush off?! Either he cheats on his spouse, too, and thinks it's okay - or he doesn't understand why it's unacceptable to treat men and women like sex toys to be tossed away. Imo, it's an insanely disgusting lack of professionalism that should have him prohibited from any future jobs as a therapist.
So I can only speak on personal experiences, but enough counselors in my life have tried to brush over my feelings when it came to my husband. Well, he made this small change when there is a much larger issue, so you should forgive him. He is trying. You can't expect change right away. 2 years in still same responses. Multiple counselors. Then, when it came to me, it was nothing, but she couldn't be in that much pain. Why isn't she cleaning? Why isn't she on top of the housework? While I am actively getting pain injections, out of work due to an injury, actively in physical therapy. The double standards were real.
Story 1: Husband is wrong for cheating and breaking OP'S trust constantly. But, can we talk about the THERAPIST here? He told OP that she is making a hasty decision based on "small infractions"? Like bruh, it's a built-up of many small infractions along with the fact husband cheated on OP. Divorce this guy AND get a new therapist, the husband 100% bribed the therapist or something.
Niece story: I wanna know what the niece has to say about this whole thing. Was she forced into this situation by the parents? Did she actually want to have a “fling” for two weeks? Was it actually going to be a “fling”, or are the parents trying to marry her off to this guy like this is the 1800’s??
The fact that the grandparents care so much about letting the older guy dates the 15-year-old makes me wonder if there's more to the story. Did they take money? Did they promise her to the church leader? Like, it's one thing if you don't think it's a big deal, but why would they try to keep them together? Not really their business
Story 4: I mean, it's a balding adult and a 15yr old, it was going to result in this. Like even the age of consent argument fails because she's still under 16. Also, "Vacation fling" my arse, there's no guarantee that it'll end there. Also, why is everyone trying to justify it? That makes no sense
Personally, I heard 'met at church' and I was wondering if the grandparents were old school religious. Like, thinking it is okay to pair off teenage girls to adult men so they can be 'provided for' kind of old school.
As someone that lives in Canada, the age of consent is 16 and you can legally date someone 5 years older then you before it's recognized as "unlawful" as someone that has been in that 15 year olds position multiple times, I wish I had someone that stepped in. Men like that are disgusting and will coerce you to do things you don't want. I'm just sharing this in case there are any young girls or boys are going through this and need help.
5 year difference!? You've got like... nothing... in common with eachother with an age gap like that at such a young age. Man... I wasn't even thinking of dating at 15 years old. I was more into horror movies & books then girls at that point in time 😂
GUYS AGE OF CONSENT LAWS ARE NOT FOR PDFS TO DATE MINORS. IT TIES INTO ROMEO AND JULIET LAWS. ITS FOR THE 16 YR OLD AND THE 17 YR OLD. FOR THE 17 AND 18 YR OLDS. ITS NOT AN EXCUSE TO LEGALLY ABUSE KIDS
No, they are not. Romeo and Juliet laws are for those instances where one or both is/are under the age but the gap is close enough not to charge either of them, ie cases where it doesn't apply. Age of consent is for those who are NOT in a Romeo and Juliet situation. There's another set of law (seduction?) where a much older adult could be charged even when the other partner is above the age of consent but under 18 or something.
It's funny how the people who know the most about consent laws understand consent so little. I wonder what kind of Church this is. And what is this man standing in the church. Is he a leader of some kind. Or is his father a leader. According to the FBI and RCMP who did a joint study. The majority of sex offenders are straight men. 98 % in fact. The fact of the matter is the study that they also did jointly. They found that men who are straight that are high up in a church organization like a pastor, a priest, elder, imam, rabbi, etc. You are 38% more likely than the general population to be a child predator. The fact of the matter is these jobs not only entice child predators but they enable child predators. By covering it up by normalizing the behavior. By excusing the behavior. By blaming the victim. I will try to remember the name and if I do I'll post it. But it's free to look up on the FBI website.
@@LLandS18I don't think it's a church anymore. I think it's going to the "C" word territory and I'm too afraid to say it or CZcams will take it down. Edit: CZcams already deleted 2 of my comments and I don't know what was wrong with them?
Not sure about anywhere else in the world, in Germany it basically is that. The law is literally written as consent between minors and people of age. There are of course cases listed that are still illegal, like teacher and pupil or guardian and their ward, but as long as the adult has no legal power over the minor (and for minors 14 - 15 if their guardian doesn't press charges (and yes, age of consent here is 14 unless parents press charges)) it is completely legal. Morally questionable at best, but seeing as my sister in law is 6 years younger than my brother, she was 12 when he turned 18 (legally of age in Germany). They didn't meet until like 10 years or so later, mind you, but at some point you have to draw a line when such an age difference becomes OK. And let me tell you, there's not much mental growth between 17 years and 364 days and 18 years old. My personal opinion, and I might get absolutely roasted for this, is that as long as both parties are mentally mature enough to know what they're getting into and are both consenting, age shouldn't matter. I've known enough people when they were in their early to mid 20s that weren't at all mature enough for any kind of relationship and I'm sure there are teenagers as young as 15 or something that are mature enough to recognize abuse and get help if that happens. I know you could never amend the law that way because there are way too many idiots and creeps that would try to abuse the law (more so than they do now), but... let's say in a perfect world a 15 year old could genuinely fall in love with a 25 year old and vice versa without anyone giving a flip because that's just how they feel, noone is creepy about it and they would just live their lives. It's never going to happen, obviously, but I think age of consent laws are mostly fine as they are for the world we live in.
Fun fact: Literally every employee in (most) schools HAVE to become mandatory reporters. I'm one at the school I work at and I'm in a position that requires me to not interact with students at all. I mean, I do, since I'm friendly and have work when they're in class but legit, I don't need to talk to them at all if I don't want to. So, as a teacher, that lady should have been on the phone with law enforcement the MOMENT that '25' year old man declared he's dating a 15 year old.
Not all of us. Please don't rope us up with people like him. He's a creep and I don't want to be associated with him just because we have the same religion.
Story 2: it's not the fact she cheated or "made a few mistakes" that's the issue it's the fact she lied and blew off her behaviour by continuing to be friends who she slept with over and over again. And omg op's update the wife clearly wanted her cake and eat it all while still having "options" on the side and the prom jealousy omg what a hypocrite.
Story 1: FIRE THAT THERAPIST! OP is in the right for taking out the trash. Serial cheating is not a “no big deal, you just need to give him another chance” thing. Story 2: Geez…I feel bad for OP. That roommate unknowingly opened Pandora’s box and exposed the wife’s infidelity. I’m long distance with my partner, cheated once and almost lost him. We worked it out. This…I don’t think OP can salvage it because the wife is so flippant about it. Story 3: THE TITLE ALONE IS OUTRAGEOUS! GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE OP!!! Story 4: wait…WHAT?! Isn’t that a friggin crime?! Isn’t that grooming!? HOW IS THE KID’S MOM OK WITH THIS?! OP CALLED THIS DUDE OUT FOR WHAT HE IS!! OP isn’t overreacting, OP is making sure all the right moves! Yo this family is weird Story 5: Poor OP. Didn’t deserve this. That man is scum. OP was right to kick him out no matter the weather. Dude can go try and stay with his “friend” and see where that gets him (a black eye and maybe a few broken bones) Story 6: Seems like this whole video is mostly cheating stories. OP has a right to not acknowledge a cheater and so not in the wrong. Because imagine this! If this woman CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND AND LIED TO KEEP HERSELF AS THE INNOCENT PARTY, what’s to say she won’t do it again?
Story 1: Nah, OP should get a divorce and a way better therapist. That therapist is just trying to milk her out of as much money as possible before she finally realizes therapy won't fix anything here. Truly, with therapists lile that no wonder some people don't trust em.
The only reason the 3 adults were ok with the 15yr old dating the balding near 30yr old is because he is "part of the church" and would keep the 15yr old in the "church" if they got together. They clearly placed their religion over their morals
Especially when she won’t even apologize and take accountability. If I were OP I would investigate to see if she cheated during the marriage since vows and fidelity mean nothing to her.
*First OP:* It wasn't a "small incident." It was the last straw for OP and their soon-to-be ex husband. OP is not wrong. *Second OP:* OP's soon-to-be ex wife didn't consider OP's feeling during their long-distance relationship _or_ when OP asked her about what happened during college. I doubt she really loved (or _liked_ ) OP. *Third OP:* Assuming this is real, OP _is_ wrong. Instead of making her husband choose, she should make the decision for him and get a divorce. I'm sensing a theme here... *Fourth OP:* To quote rSlash, "Nope. Next story!" OP is a G. I hope she (and hopefully her brother) cut off contact with the enablers. *Fifth OP:* OP should've told her husband to stay at one of the girls' homes. *Sixth OP:* Yvonne cheated on her ex husband then lied on his name. OP is not wrong for not wanting to associate with her.
"It's a vacay relationship! There's nothing wrong with that!" So when something happens to this girl, are the parents just gonna say, "it's just a vacay assault! There's nothing wrong with that!" 🤨
Story 1: He 100% payed that "therapist" off! No therapists would say some stupid bs like this to someone wanting to break off a relationship with a serial cheater. Either she's dumb as hell and put her own opinions in somebody elses issues or she was payed off.
Balding doesn’t mean necessarily old. My husband was balding by his 17th birthday. However the guy admitted he was at least 21 (and could be lying) so definitely illegal.
15 y.o dating the old guy: The parents are THAT defensive, add in that the guy comes from a church and they're coddling him? OPs parents are in a cult and they're trying to get the 15 year old in that cult as a child bride. One thing I did NOT hear the whole time: What is Maddie thinking about this?
As someone who is poly, I absolutely HATE people like that lady in the second story. The whole "It's okay if I do it, but I won't tell you. Also, you're not allowed to do it." That violates basically every single rule that such relationships are supposed to have. Those rules exist to prevent exactly this kind of garbage that went down in said story. And yeah this does upset me because it's pretty personal, even if I don't know the people. Because ever since polyamory has become more accepted, people like this use the term to try to weasel out of facing responsibility for the choices THEY made. Disgusting.
No one should be compelled to stay with someone they don't want to be with for any reason, but that doesn't mean you cheat... if you don't want to be with someone then break-up. The only reason to stay is to keep them on the line in case your side thing doesn't work out.
4:02 Is what I hate the most! She just cheated on you with 10+ guys let it slide... Are these people crazy?! 10:36 My brother (28 yo) found a girlfriend, when he told me her age (15 I think) I asked is her family ok with this relationship? He said yup. When I told our mother about it she immediately went talk to the girl's mom and asked if she was ok with all this. The girl's mom just said "At her age I was already a mother!" And drove of in her scooter! My mom was left there with a gaping mouth.
another thing about story 4- the age of consent laws only apply in a relationship of two minors, not one minor and one adult so even then it’s still illegal
I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16. That means if, for example, you are 30 years old, you can date a 16 year old. The age of consent between minors here is 13-16 e.g. a 13 year old can date a 16 year old however, if it involves someone who is 16 and someone who is 12, that is illegal.
@@pulacascar179 Yeah, definitely. I don't know what was wrong with the people in the story. It was literally illegal. Even if she was 16, it would still be disgusting.
Ehhh, I'd just multiply by 10 & divide that number by 1 to get to the percentage chance that relationship would've ever worked out anyway after finding that out... 😂
OP in the 21 yr old bf story is definitely not insane. Ive put myself in a similar situation and regretted it(And it had lasting negative impacts) and was informed a year ago from another girl who fell victim to the same dude that he's now in prison for being a PDF File. And like it wasn't a small bust either. Why isn't he with someone his own age range? Why does he have to find someone who is gonna be in HS for another 3ish years?(ik the answers but like christ critical think skills) Like why is everyone so okay with this(except op) like wtf
The PDF Files did nothing wrong! Stop abusing the language like pedophiles abuse children and call them out! They are not PDFS, not MAPS, they're simply pedophiles! Why do people feel the need to make them sound less threatening, if they're a real threat to children!
Story 2 she took away your choice to not marry her by not divolging the infidelity Story 4 that dude is at minimum a creep at worst needs to be in jail
First story, I decided to check OP and there's *several* posts about his soon-to-be ex-husband cheating on him. Not only that, but he has a history of still seeing his affair partners even after OP's busted him. OP also already left before but then his STB ex claimed to have changed to get him back and then we got this story. That's 5/5 behavior easy and he deserves to be dumped onto the street. I will add that OP did an edit and clarified that he isn't against his STB ex having sex outside of their marriage but that there were boundaries. Which the STB ex constantly broke. Secondly, the therapist they were seeing also admitted to having a strong bias towards keeping couples together, but OP agrees that they made a bad call.
Story 4: So I went through the comments on reddit and he is some of the things Op said: 1. She’s staying around until her brother picks up her niece and then she’s cutting contact with her parents. 2. She’s lost all respect for her mom. Turns out that Op had a best friend who went thru something similar as a kid and it was her mom that helped the girl out. Haven’t seen any updates about the niece though.
Story 5: If the husband doesn't want to go to a hotel because of the girlfriend, I'm guessing "Police are looking for me and will track my credit card activity" levels of too young
Story about 15 year old niece: op as a fellow teacher, I have to say you need to report this. Like I don’t know where you are in the world but in the U.S. it is MANDATORY for teachers to report things like this. The fact your family is ok with this is so wrong on so many levels.
Story 4: I had a somewhat similar situation. I am 9 years older than my stepsister. When she was 13, she used her half-sister's info (age, occupation) to make a dating site profile. She started talking to a guy who was my age. My mom found out and confronted the guy over the phone, telling him she was 13. He swore he wouldn't contact her again... Yeah, right. We found out he was in contact with her again. My mom told him she was calling the cops, and then she told her husband, an ex-biker. I'm not sure if he ever talked to the guy, but my step-sister never heard from him again. Lol
First story's Op added context: EDIT/UPDATE: Thanks so much for all of your comments and especially for those who have shown such kindness. I know I’m an idiot for having stayed and put up with so much, so for those who are pointing that out…you’re not wrong it just doesn’t feel good to hear right now :-/ Anyway, a few of updates for context… 1) We are both men 2) We agreed in the past that an occasional sexual experience outside of our marriage would be ok within some specific parameters…those parameters are what he broke and violated multiple times 3) I think what the therapist was saying was that, compared to some of the other things he’s done, what he did last week was ‘minor’ only in terms of how it compared to the rest…doesn’t make it less hurtful or violating to me, though 4) The therapist has been up front that he has a bias toward keeping couples together so I did know that going in…but I agree with those who have said he is in the wrong here. Thank you for validating that for me.
Sixth story: NTA. I wonder what he sees on her. She was willing to ruin his life on a separation. So to be together again she is definately blackmailing him. There could be a reason to talk to her, record every conversation and find a moment of her admitting she has her husband blackmailed.
I'm just going to say this with the OP that has the underage niece who's dating an older man that she needs to call the cops on the 25-year-old boyfriend and get child protective services involved because the guys a predator and I understand this is a calls fallout for the OP but that's better than letting her niece who barely 15 have her life destroyed because her family would stupidly decide not depressed charges on a little predator in their church for whatever reasons
Did the therapist really say at a serial cheater who was given a 100 chances and cheats again a minor infraction?? He is out of his mind, so is op for sticking around for so long with that scumbag. Story 2: What the actual f. The families are insane. How is that a few mistakes???? I just cannot even say anything to this. F all of them
It could be just telling him to not eat some left-overs and him doing so anyway or a million of other things. At the point they are at, any small breach of trust is going to tip the scales.
Yeah but the whole point of these stories we are supposed to get details.... "bro, do you remember when we went to that place and did that thing , that was awesome." just doesn't cut it....
Anyone else get the feeling that the time line jumped and they were in a world where this insanity is either normal or moral? For a moment, I thought that I was the wrong one for thinking that most of these stories were crazy, but his response to each just made me realize that we were the normal ones. And they were wrong. o.O
Honestly I'd love to think the 21 yr old boyfriend one is fake but knowing shit ik now about shit that happened in hs it's 100% believable and thats terrifying.
Fourth story: Just as a note, I had a high school classmate who was going bald *in high school*. But he was a high school student, not a grown-ass man dating a minor.
Story 4: Please gods let this story be fake, I don’t think I can handle if it’s real- like fifteen- a baby!! I it’s an entire balding man, it has to be fake right..right?
It's sadly entirely believable to me. My first bf was 26 when I was 16 (and naive, and a late bloomer, and just dumb), I didn't realise how wrong it was until I was in my early 20s. No-one ever said anything to me to warn me or inform me.
Oh no, absolutely not on first story! Run and don’t look back at either your husband or that pathetic excuse of a therapist! It’s illegal for a therapist to attempt to persuade you in any manner to do or not do anything unless it involves harm to yourself or others. The trust never really came back fully, I’m there now. You didn’t have a marriage, you had an arrangement which was consistently breached. Cut your losses and stop getting hurt while working on something you didn’t break. Prayers for your best life and peace in you mind & soul 🙏❤
As a person who dated a 21 year old at 16 and parents didn't "meddle", I feel like Maddie and everyone will be pissed now, but in a couple years she'll look back and wonder what was wrong with everyone besides OP. No matter what, that seriously uneven relationship leaves you with some major issues that take a while to recover from.
Story 3: why are you giving him a choice he cheated on you for half a year. That's not a mistake that is a deliberate choice he made and ask yourself this, would you know about it if he hadn't gotten her pregnant?
And we know he only wants to stay with OP for free babysitting, financial assistance, and side nookie when mistress isn’t in the mood. I hope she divorced him and took him to the cleaners.
Terrible fact, in the US child marriage is only banned in 10 states. In 5 states there is no age limit. We are not as protective of kids as people think.
I just wanna say to you Rslash, I’ve been a fan for 4 years and I watch every new video when I get home. You are so cool and I like seeing your personality shine when talking about stories! You are my favorite Reddit reader and I just wanted to share that with you ! (Ps congrats on the daughter!)
This whole episode was insane. And people always ask me why I don't want to be in a relationship. Being single is safer and no chance of heartbreak and dishonesty
As someone who was 15 with a 21 year old- this is horrible! Parents please do not let your kids do this no matter how “mature” the child is. They are still children!
On the fourth story: it's illegal to have sex with a minor, but not to have a romantic relationship with a minor. Yes, you can expect a -maybe- 21yo to want that with a 15yo, but the mere fact that they are dating is not a crime in and of itself. Obviously from a moral standpoint the situation is different. Personally I adhere to the "age / 2 + 7" rule, if he's 21, he should be dating someone at least 18. Someone 26 should date someone at least 20, and so on.
I had a truly terrible therapist at one point. I was trying to escape and recover from my abusive FOO. The therapist kept trying to play the 'give them another chance' card. I finally shouted 'what do you think the last 30 years of my life have been?!?' (my age at the time). 30 years of me giving 'another chance' and all they did was see it as ongoing proof they could abuse me at whim with no response from me. My new therapist taught me everyone gets a MAXIMUM of 3 chances >the first transgression can be a misunderstanding of what is acceptable >the second a genuine slip-up >but the third is proof of a pattern and unwillingness/inability to change. Of course, some transgressions are so huge, or the person causing the harm so set on continuing to cause harm that fewer than three chances is an option, but never more than three.
The odds of sleeping with someone you had slept with in the past is pretty high. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she was sleeping behind OPs back with her college friend when he came to visit her.
Story 2: at least 10 guys? And if that's not enough she had the balls to introduce and still talk to some of them, it's not just about cheating she spent your entire marriage lying to you and didn't stop until she couldn't hide anymore then tried to act like it wasn't a big deal. But she's not sorry, and given the other information that she was actually a clingy girlfriend it makes her a massive hypocrite that wants a one-sided relationship.
The Therapists: “do you really want to divorce your serial cheater husband after years of being cheated on and lied to and having every promise broken? I don’t think that’s a good idea. What I think you need is more therapy, months, maybe even years, of very expensive therapy. Both couple and individual of course, which will all be billed accordingly of course. And after all this expensive therapy you might have a marriage stronger then ever and I’ll have a new swimming pool.”
First story: NTA. What is that teraphist smoking to say CHEATING is a small problem? Either the teraphist is a cheater or is buddy-buddy with the husband and is helping with the gaslighting and manipulation.
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That therapist is only interested in keeping their clients and doesn’t actually care about anyone in the couple being happy. They even attempt to gaslight op calling the 20 years of violating boundaries and cheating on their spouse “a small infraction” (I know they’re giving into semantics choosing to solely focus on one recent event, aka “the last straw”). They should be reported for unethical practices
Story 2: If she didn't think it would last WHY CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP! Op is right he SHOULD throw away his marriage and not waste anymore of his time! It's not a mistake, she did it on purpose and consented to having sex. I'm even more mad that he skipped his prom, a once in a life time event because his nasty "girlfriend" was jealous while she was CHEATING
STORY 1: OP didn't give enough detail. She didn't state (in the post) what her boundaries were or what the husband did that she says is "cheating" or "mistrusting". The husband cheating on the wife for multiple years and the wife just brushing it off has the same chance of the wife trying to control the husband with ridiculous boundaries and the husband chooses to not play her games. Important notes: 1: They didn't start therapy until after 20 years of marriage when the wife called for divorce (couldn't handle the cheating anymore or gave up on controlling him). 2: The therapist kept referring the lasted "incedent" as a small infraction. This could be the husband flirting with another woman or the husband telling his mom happy birthday. My point is when details are left out it leave room for speculation.
In the second to last story, with the trucker husband, it's worth noting that depending on where they live- at the very least in every state that I've heard of, if his name is on the deed, she legally can't keep him out unless there's allegations of abuse.
Second story: NTA. Long distance or not, if the partner can't stay faithful then is not worth keeping. Also, I have the feeling that there are more people she slept with besides those 10 dudes or else why are people trying to gaslight OP.
In the last story, cheating is one thing, but I think one of the worst things people can do these days is falsely accuse someone of abuse - it will destroy lives
3:20 the thing is…..my husband would never pry like that 4:12 oh cry about it fragile male ego…. This guy… 4:23 oh, I doubt that 4:30 A year, if you will. And decades of lies? Huh? Hmm? Wha? 4:39 yeah, in college. Long time ago. Before they were married 4:44 what? That’s not how that works. She never lied to him? When would that even come up in conversation?l once let alone repeatedly? 4:58 hey not cool 5:12 heh? 6:13 she recognizes that it’s a long time ago when you were teenagers 6:20 how? 6:27 yeah, that’s called alcohol? I’m sure you’ve heard of it… also that is very specific
Story Illegal: I know that in the US if someone is under 18 if the parent of the minor child is aware and okay with it then, yes it's okay with the approval of the parent but I believe that there is a minimum age where legally that does end as far as I know depending on the state? Now morally is it wrong, that is the question? Does this country that allows the legal consent to be 16 years old mean that if someone is 15 years old they should be in the same position as a parent's approval when someone is under 18 years old in the US? No, I believe that if someone is a minor and then another person is over 18 years old then it is wrong and not cool at all to do this. I personally don't think "AGE" should matter as long as both people are at least 18 years old and above. The other The other question would have to be, in this other country where 16 is the legal consent age, if this couple were to visit a different country would it mean because they are from their original country would they be violating the laws in the visiting country? Story Sleep Outside: He didn't have any problem sleeping outside in his truck when he was popping other girls' cherries so what difference does it now make when he can't pop his wife's cherry? is it now his wife knows the fire that kept him warm out and now he comes home hoping to stay warm with his wife?
OP#1 - I made the same mistake with my ex-wife. Then after we get home from our Thanksgiving trip, she walked out. She came back three months pregnant with her side action's baby six months later. I thought that her having a kid and the possibility of a stable dad for him might help her not be quite so abusive. Hooo boy was I wrong. I'm just glad that I survived the self-delete attempt a few months later and we divorced after. Don't walk away, run to the fastest mode of travel and get a continent away.
I'm a therapist and the first story irks me to no end. Under no circumstance should the therapist discredit OP like that, it only serves to validate the enabling behavior. With infidelity it's about confronting and the infidelity, taking ownership of it for there to have a remote chance of restarting a new relationship again. The old relationship is dead, the only option is to see if a new one can start. I'm disgusted by the other therapist
The second story if you want to sleep around during your college years that's fine. But don't be in a relationship while you do it. And if you are in a relationship, don't hide it and be all sneaky. Sneaky about it for decades. The fact that she didn't tell you prove she knew what she did was wrong and just kept her mouth closed. If she didn't think she did anything wrong she would have told you about it right away. The fact that she hit it for so long and then continue to try to hide it after the The college friend was telling you about how crazy she was in college proves she knew what she did was wrong. You're allowed to be upset about the fact your partner of 20 years cheated on you even if it was 20 years ago, especially because you just found out about it.
In regards to that story of the truck driver sleeping with the friends daughter No one gets that upset over someone dating a daughter that’s legal. Upset? Yes. Screaming incoherently upset? Yeah… I don’t think that girl was an adult
Normally I am 100% down with Rslash and his views on things, and I actually find him extremely insightful. Story number two is the first time I am on the complete opposite side. I'd probably want to have a conversation about it work through it and clear the air on the dishonesty, and that more then the actual sleeping around might make me mad for a minute but beyond that it wouldn't even occur to me to break it off.
Story 1 - I was expecting the punchline to be the cheating was eating meat/smoking or something similar when it was a 'small incident'. Was it ever actually stated that the cheating was sexual?
5 seconds into the first one and all I can say is leaving that guy was justified. Cheating isn’t something small that’s literally the biggest break of trust anyone can commit in a relationship. Woah that pedo story is nuts. I’m on OPs side there. A 21+ year old has no excuse to date a 15 year old.
The second one is doubly bad she joked that her dad would hurt him if he was with other women but she was ok sleeping with 10+ men. When I heard the first part of the story I was thinking it was one man in a sper of the moment type of situation , nope multiple men that she’s kept in touch with and she continues to blow him off and avoid the questions. That’s super messed up.
I remember reading once about a married couple in their mid 90s, the husband of which was divorcing the wife as he'd learned she had had an affair... back when they were in their 20s...
Have to love how the therapist is like, no no no, don't give up, keep coming to therapy. Business retention is important
I don't even call my therapist solely for appointments anymore - I currently see her as a legitimately trustworthy person that I've made friends with.
Imo, therapists who want you to come back for that aforementioned "business retention" are likely as untrustworthy as it's being hinted here in this story.
Stuff like this often gives me trust issues, but that's why I still talk to her about this stuff - she legitimately helps me learn to know better about the world around me.
When our marriage counselor said “I think you guys are in a good place I don’t think you need to see me once a month. Just schedule if something major comes up” it reinforced that she was a good one.
LOL Right! That was my first thought when the therapist said that! Keeping two people in a terrible marriage because you think more time (aka. money) with you will "fix it"... Sometimes you need to call it and after so long OP is ready to do just that!
I wonder if the therapist has a niche for spouses that cheat. Like they get a discount when they recommend a colleague that's also cheating. Like a friends and family discount
I saw in the reddit comments from OP that the therapist has a bias towards keeping couples together. Sounds like they need to change therapists because he's not going to take OP's feelings into consideration at all.
I love how OP's parents are like "Don't meddle in how your brother raises his daughter" but the dad didn't even KNOW that his daughter was dating an adult!
I didn't think the story would be that bad. I was thinking it was a 17 year old with a 19 year old. Not this! This is wrong on so many levels. This situation reminds me of a messed up nightmare where people do terrible crimes and then look at op like she's the crazy one.
Every single thing the parents said can be turned right back on them.
The dad didn't know!
The girl is below the age of concent!
Tf is wrong with them?!
Exactly. OP wasn't dictating how the daughter should be raised.
@hilaryhongkiong I really hope that op reports this for her niece's safety. Even though he hasn't "done anything" and "this is a vacation fling" what's stopping him from taking it to the next level? What's stopping him from keeping on dating the niece. the parents aren't going to do anything about it. And that whole "the parents are over seeing it so it's ok" is crap. That only would apply if the 17 year old dating the 19 year old was about to become 18 in a few months.
I mean there are "Romeo and Juliet laws" in most states, so there's no problem if a 17½-year-old dates a 19-year-old, or if two 16-year-olds date each other (though I have no idea what the lower boundary is, I assume it also varies state by state). This... this is not that. As a bald female, I have no frame of reference, but don't males not even _start_ balding until they're 30? This man is chasing high schoolers when they're on vacation, I bet he's been "21" for several years. Also, in what world is it okay if the parents are overseeing it? "Yes, officer, my daughter _did_ hotwire your car and drive it into a Golden Corral; but you see, _I_ watched her do it, so it's not a crime."
What's up with people so willing to cover up serial cheating, calling them "a small/minor mistake"? Madness
Because they're afraid of losing control. No, really, follow my logic: you learn your partner has been cheating on you. You're hurt, but you love them and don't want to think they're capable of hurting you for no reason. So you blame yourself, because if you're responsible then you could have done something different. If you did something wrong, then you COULD have done something right to prevent it, so you're technically in control. And because you want to keep that control rather than give up a relationship you've probably invested part of your ego or identity in, you convince yourself that your partner being callous enough to betray you isn't really all that big a deal after all. You can fix it. You're still in control.
It *sucks* and it's wrong, but the logic exists.
@@etcetera1995 So it's all about the lost of control. Either way she's a bloody idiot who loved someone that she was incapable of controlling because love isn't about control. Both of them need to seek therapy separately after they divorce. He needs to work on his commitment issues so that he can stop self-sabotaging his relationships. She needs to work on her control issues.
I wonder if OP is religious and her therapist is somehow connected to the church? The fact that she's willing to forgive her husband's cheating is very telling and not only that but the therapist telling her that she's being hasty with her calling for a divorce.
Some cheaters are exceptionally good at manipulating the other into staying. Sometimes they're hanging on because they hope that they'll prove their loyalty and, one day, their other person will wake up and realize "you're the one for me" and 180 into the perfect person
I know this is only tangentially related, but what exactly is the difference between this subreddit and r/AITA? It's been driving me nuts since he started covering these. At first, I thought this was meant for less serious or extreme stories, but I've seen stories that are way less severe than this one over there. I know that metric is mostly subjective, but what else could be the point of having more than one of these subreddits.
Story 4: Rule of thumb, if you ever need to say “well the age of consent here is…” then the relationship is wrong and you’re a creep.
Op is NTA but apparently her entire family is insane.
Well, if you're from that place, it's your culture and nothing intrinsically bad. Just when you travel to foreign places to enjoy their lower age of consent, then it's wrong.
I don’t see it as bad as op defending the 15 year old .
@@Tajarim88in any culture, it’s disgusting for a twenty five year old to date a fifteen year old.
It’s especially bad if you don’t live in the place you’re referring to, like if you live in the US then saying “the age of consent in Japan is-“ absolutely won’t work and will make you sound like a pedophile
its also wrong because she's still under that age of consent.
The therapist definitely thought he had a mentally stimulating couple with lots of tea and didn’t want to let them go without knowing the full story. The therapist ALSO could sense good money coming in if they stayed together longer lol
Perspective makes all the difference, I agree.
With this in mind; for all we know, the husband undermines details intentionally to make himself look better.
Probably not. Op added context, they are a gay couple (so no misogynistic roots). But the therapist admitted that he is biased towards wanting to keep couples together....
The therapist is kinda right though. It is too short of a time for the therapy. If OP is dedicated to the process, he needs to wait a bit longer. But he most definitely doesnt have to if he doesn't want that anymore.
@@chanterelle483While I disagree that the therapist is right to advise to not bail early (a boundary is a boundary, and just because it's the umpteenth in counselling, it's following decades of abuse for the client.), I also disagree that it is conclusive that the therapist is just milking the couple for entertainment and money. Yes that happens, but there's may other more probably explanations here (in fact there is an update confirming this in a comment above). If that's OP's belief, then they might benefit from some counselling themselves.
@@icecreamnoodles3742That bias is a bit unusual for a therapist counselling homosexuals. Maybe they're anglican.
Story 4: the fact that they immediately got defensive and didn't answer your question mean they knew the whole time that boy was the grown ass man. Maybe they don't think it's going to last or they don't care, but there is the chance that they're getting something out of this relationship and they're willing to sell their daughter out for it. You absolutely should report this and tell anyone that tried to get mad that you if they weren't doing anything wrong then the cops won't arrest him.
The fact that he’s from the grandparents’ church might be a factor.
I have the feeling that the grandparents made them conviennently meet at that church so that this creep could groom their granddaughter into being the perfect stay at home pregnant-and-barefoot christian wife. They got so pissed bc OP ruined their plans
This... this is what I was also gonna say. My biggest suspicion is that the parents are getting something out of it. No way a sane parent to a minor would allow this relationship.
Age difference. Church. Can you say child bride?
@@RBrown-uk4xt I can’t believe this is actually still legal in some states.
Story 2: I stayed with my HS girlfriend for my first year of college (she was a year younger than me) and only broke up with her the next summer when she didn't make plans to go to the same school. I cared about her a lot, but didn't want to continue a long-distance relationship... instead of CHEATING like a piece of garbage.
This is why I think if you both plan on going to college in different places, might as well break up, and see what happens after. A few people I knew did that and got back together a couple years after they graduated.
Yeah but it was 20 years ago. Way in the past
@@angelacooper8973 Oh honey, I haven't told you the truth about a few of my friends, but that was aaaaages ago.
Tell me YOU'RE a cheater without telling me.
Story 1: he totally paid off that counselor, like what jackass tell someone that divorcing someone for once again cheating is a hasty decision over a small mistake? At this point he doesn't want to change he just want to convince you that it's not a big deal, screw that idiot leave that SOB.
I really hope OP filed a complaint against the therapist along with divorcing her scumbag husband.
I bet he chose his friend, the therapist
I would have unironically assumed he was sexist for making such a claim, to be blunt.
How is "serial cheating" something he can so easily brush off?!
Either he cheats on his spouse, too, and thinks it's okay - or he doesn't understand why it's unacceptable to treat men and women like sex toys to be tossed away.
Imo, it's an insanely disgusting lack of professionalism that should have him prohibited from any future jobs as a therapist.
So I can only speak on personal experiences, but enough counselors in my life have tried to brush over my feelings when it came to my husband. Well, he made this small change when there is a much larger issue, so you should forgive him. He is trying. You can't expect change right away. 2 years in still same responses. Multiple counselors.
Then, when it came to me, it was nothing, but she couldn't be in that much pain. Why isn't she cleaning? Why isn't she on top of the housework? While I am actively getting pain injections, out of work due to an injury, actively in physical therapy. The double standards were real.
Or its a counselor from church. Many religious groups are anti divorce.
Story 1: Husband is wrong for cheating and breaking OP'S trust constantly. But, can we talk about the THERAPIST here? He told OP that she is making a hasty decision based on "small infractions"? Like bruh, it's a built-up of many small infractions along with the fact husband cheated on OP. Divorce this guy AND get a new therapist, the husband 100% bribed the therapist or something.
I dont think its a bribe, moreso he just doesn't want the cash flow from the couple to go away. Lots of therapists do that shit unfortunately.
I wonder if by 'small infractions' he was referring to OP's ex husband's... endowment?
Inch-fractions.
My money is on him sleeping with the therapist lol
My guess is on this occasion it's a small infraction, but yes of course the therapist just wants the money
...A marriage counselor is not going to encourage a divorce. Their job is to try to mend the couple's relationship. Do you know how this works?
Niece story: I wanna know what the niece has to say about this whole thing. Was she forced into this situation by the parents? Did she actually want to have a “fling” for two weeks? Was it actually going to be a “fling”, or are the parents trying to marry her off to this guy like this is the 1800’s??
Yeah especially since he is a "church friend". Makes it SUPER sus.
They definitely didn’t educate her enough to know how bad this situation was
It's the grandparents and aunt the father didn't know
@@lewid019 - I know. I'm referring to "the parents" from OP's perspective. I would have said "her parents" if I meant the niece's parents.
Sounds like a religious cult. @@the3nder1
The fact that the grandparents care so much about letting the older guy dates the 15-year-old makes me wonder if there's more to the story. Did they take money? Did they promise her to the church leader? Like, it's one thing if you don't think it's a big deal, but why would they try to keep them together? Not really their business
He probably has some position in the church, which makes sense considering pedophilia seems to run rampant in churches
Story 4: I mean, it's a balding adult and a 15yr old, it was going to result in this. Like even the age of consent argument fails because she's still under 16.
Also, "Vacation fling" my arse, there's no guarantee that it'll end there.
Also, why is everyone trying to justify it? That makes no sense
I think their trying to justify it to themselves
Probably because they’re thinking “he’s a good Christian church boy! He won’t harm her!” BS
Personally, I heard 'met at church' and I was wondering if the grandparents were old school religious. Like, thinking it is okay to pair off teenage girls to adult men so they can be 'provided for' kind of old school.
@@lorilancaster5917 they 100% do!
@@spectiliaThat's a possibility which is disgusting.
As someone that lives in Canada, the age of consent is 16 and you can legally date someone 5 years older then you before it's recognized as "unlawful" as someone that has been in that 15 year olds position multiple times, I wish I had someone that stepped in. Men like that are disgusting and will coerce you to do things you don't want.
I'm just sharing this in case there are any young girls or boys are going through this and need help.
That's why he said he was 21. Dude could be 30 but 5 years older is the maximum he can be.
5 year difference!?
You've got like... nothing... in common with eachother with an age gap like that at such a young age.
Man... I wasn't even thinking of dating at 15 years old. I was more into horror movies & books then girls at that point in time 😂
This. I wish someone had questioned my relationships with older men when I was a teenager...
GUYS AGE OF CONSENT LAWS ARE NOT FOR PDFS TO DATE MINORS. IT TIES INTO ROMEO AND JULIET LAWS. ITS FOR THE 16 YR OLD AND THE 17 YR OLD.
FOR THE 17 AND 18 YR OLDS.
ITS NOT AN EXCUSE TO LEGALLY ABUSE KIDS
I think it's time the PDF files are scared of being found out. Like In prison.
No, they are not. Romeo and Juliet laws are for those instances where one or both is/are under the age but the gap is close enough not to charge either of them, ie cases where it doesn't apply. Age of consent is for those who are NOT in a Romeo and Juliet situation. There's another set of law (seduction?) where a much older adult could be charged even when the other partner is above the age of consent but under 18 or something.
It's funny how the people who know the most about consent laws understand consent so little. I wonder what kind of Church this is. And what is this man standing in the church. Is he a leader of some kind. Or is his father a leader. According to the FBI and RCMP who did a joint study. The majority of sex offenders are straight men. 98 % in fact. The fact of the matter is the study that they also did jointly. They found that men who are straight that are high up in a church organization like a pastor, a priest, elder, imam, rabbi, etc. You are 38% more likely than the general population to be a child predator. The fact of the matter is these jobs not only entice child predators but they enable child predators. By covering it up by normalizing the behavior. By excusing the behavior. By blaming the victim. I will try to remember the name and if I do I'll post it. But it's free to look up on the FBI website.
@@LLandS18I don't think it's a church anymore. I think it's going to the "C" word territory and I'm too afraid to say it or CZcams will take it down.
Edit: CZcams already deleted 2 of my comments and I don't know what was wrong with them?
Not sure about anywhere else in the world, in Germany it basically is that. The law is literally written as consent between minors and people of age. There are of course cases listed that are still illegal, like teacher and pupil or guardian and their ward, but as long as the adult has no legal power over the minor (and for minors 14 - 15 if their guardian doesn't press charges (and yes, age of consent here is 14 unless parents press charges)) it is completely legal. Morally questionable at best, but seeing as my sister in law is 6 years younger than my brother, she was 12 when he turned 18 (legally of age in Germany). They didn't meet until like 10 years or so later, mind you, but at some point you have to draw a line when such an age difference becomes OK. And let me tell you, there's not much mental growth between 17 years and 364 days and 18 years old.
My personal opinion, and I might get absolutely roasted for this, is that as long as both parties are mentally mature enough to know what they're getting into and are both consenting, age shouldn't matter. I've known enough people when they were in their early to mid 20s that weren't at all mature enough for any kind of relationship and I'm sure there are teenagers as young as 15 or something that are mature enough to recognize abuse and get help if that happens. I know you could never amend the law that way because there are way too many idiots and creeps that would try to abuse the law (more so than they do now), but... let's say in a perfect world a 15 year old could genuinely fall in love with a 25 year old and vice versa without anyone giving a flip because that's just how they feel, noone is creepy about it and they would just live their lives. It's never going to happen, obviously, but I think age of consent laws are mostly fine as they are for the world we live in.
Fun fact: Literally every employee in (most) schools HAVE to become mandatory reporters. I'm one at the school I work at and I'm in a position that requires me to not interact with students at all. I mean, I do, since I'm friendly and have work when they're in class but legit, I don't need to talk to them at all if I don't want to.
So, as a teacher, that lady should have been on the phone with law enforcement the MOMENT that '25' year old man declared he's dating a 15 year old.
The story with the 15 year old: religious people will call a gay guy a groomer while also letting his CHILD date a grown adult. Ok Jan 🙄
Not all of us. Please don't rope us up with people like him. He's a creep and I don't want to be associated with him just because we have the same religion.
Ugh why does CZcams keep removing my comments? I'm trying to say not all Christians are like this and CZcams keeps removing it.
I was also thinking this sounds like one of those cult stories.
@@unknowngamer37415 yeah it does.
@@Simipourfangirl this is true! But the hypocrites are REAL REALLY bad.
Story 2: it's not the fact she cheated or "made a few mistakes" that's the issue it's the fact she lied and blew off her behaviour by continuing to be friends who she slept with over and over again.
And omg op's update the wife clearly wanted her cake and eat it all while still having "options" on the side and the prom jealousy omg what a hypocrite.
Story 1: FIRE THAT THERAPIST! OP is in the right for taking out the trash. Serial cheating is not a “no big deal, you just need to give him another chance” thing.
Story 2: Geez…I feel bad for OP. That roommate unknowingly opened Pandora’s box and exposed the wife’s infidelity. I’m long distance with my partner, cheated once and almost lost him. We worked it out. This…I don’t think OP can salvage it because the wife is so flippant about it.
Story 3: THE TITLE ALONE IS OUTRAGEOUS! GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE OP!!!
Story 4: wait…WHAT?! Isn’t that a friggin crime?! Isn’t that grooming!? HOW IS THE KID’S MOM OK WITH THIS?! OP CALLED THIS DUDE OUT FOR WHAT HE IS!! OP isn’t overreacting, OP is making sure all the right moves! Yo this family is weird
Story 5: Poor OP. Didn’t deserve this. That man is scum. OP was right to kick him out no matter the weather. Dude can go try and stay with his “friend” and see where that gets him (a black eye and maybe a few broken bones)
Story 6: Seems like this whole video is mostly cheating stories. OP has a right to not acknowledge a cheater and so not in the wrong. Because imagine this! If this woman CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND AND LIED TO KEEP HERSELF AS THE INNOCENT PARTY, what’s to say she won’t do it again?
Story 1:
Nah, OP should get a divorce and a way better therapist. That therapist is just trying to milk her out of as much money as possible before she finally realizes therapy won't fix anything here. Truly, with therapists lile that no wonder some people don't trust em.
The only reason the 3 adults were ok with the 15yr old dating the balding near 30yr old is because he is "part of the church" and would keep the 15yr old in the "church" if they got together.
They clearly placed their religion over their morals
This is why i hate religion. Magic and spirituality with the pagans are my only exceptions
Also: Grandkids.
Yay tradition....
For Story 2 I'll say the same thing I always say.
The affair may have been a while ago but the betrayal is fresh. Time does not absolve her.
Especially when she won’t even apologize and take accountability. If I were OP I would investigate to see if she cheated during the marriage since vows and fidelity mean nothing to her.
Yeah, she married under false pretenses. It basically invalidates the marriage.
*First OP:* It wasn't a "small incident." It was the last straw for OP and their soon-to-be ex husband. OP is not wrong.
*Second OP:* OP's soon-to-be ex wife didn't consider OP's feeling during their long-distance relationship _or_ when OP asked her about what happened during college. I doubt she really loved (or _liked_ ) OP.
*Third OP:* Assuming this is real, OP _is_ wrong. Instead of making her husband choose, she should make the decision for him and get a divorce. I'm sensing a theme here...
*Fourth OP:* To quote rSlash, "Nope. Next story!"
OP is a G. I hope she (and hopefully her brother) cut off contact with the enablers.
*Fifth OP:* OP should've told her husband to stay at one of the girls' homes.
*Sixth OP:* Yvonne cheated on her ex husband then lied on his name. OP is not wrong for not wanting to associate with her.
Second OP was her "safe" option.
"It's a vacay relationship! There's nothing wrong with that!"
So when something happens to this girl, are the parents just gonna say, "it's just a vacay assault! There's nothing wrong with that!" 🤨
It's a vacay - baby. Name of the father unknown. Yay
@@Tajarim88 bet afterwards they kick her out for getting pregnant too. They don't want to look bad in front of their church friends afterall
Story 1: He 100% payed that "therapist" off! No therapists would say some stupid bs like this to someone wanting to break off a relationship with a serial cheater. Either she's dumb as hell and put her own opinions in somebody elses issues or she was payed off.
Or he's sleeping with the therapist.
“Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean it’s moral”. Lots of people need to hear this nowadays.
Agree
Balding doesn’t mean necessarily old. My husband was balding by his 17th birthday.
However the guy admitted he was at least 21 (and could be lying) so definitely illegal.
15 y.o dating the old guy:
The parents are THAT defensive, add in that the guy comes from a church and they're coddling him?
OPs parents are in a cult and they're trying to get the 15 year old in that cult as a child bride.
One thing I did NOT hear the whole time: What is Maddie thinking about this?
Story1 Who wants to bet the therapist is also a serial cheater?
Nah, they probably just protecting the cash flow from this couple. Scummy but a different kind.
@@joythefrankenfluffy1635yeah, the goal of therapy is to either stop or minimize how often you go.
OP from Story 1 clarified in the comments that this marriage counselor has a bias towards trying to make couples stay together.
I bet $15
As someone who is poly, I absolutely HATE people like that lady in the second story.
The whole "It's okay if I do it, but I won't tell you. Also, you're not allowed to do it."
That violates basically every single rule that such relationships are supposed to have. Those rules exist to prevent exactly this kind of garbage that went down in said story.
And yeah this does upset me because it's pretty personal, even if I don't know the people.
Because ever since polyamory has become more accepted, people like this use the term to try to weasel out of facing responsibility for the choices THEY made.
Disgusting.
SAME ughhhh as a poly person it pisses me off, too!
Story one: OP, people like him never change. You are 100% in the right to leave him.
Story 2: OP, you didn't throw away the marriage, she did.
No one should be compelled to stay with someone they don't want to be with for any reason, but that doesn't mean you cheat... if you don't want to be with someone then break-up. The only reason to stay is to keep them on the line in case your side thing doesn't work out.
Story 6: I mean, I wouldn't either. This woman decided to lie about abuse, who would want to be at least associated with her? She could do it again
And will and brother only has himself to blame for putting his wet sugar stick in another guy’s fun dip pack
Getting wrongly accused of abuse is equally devastating as being abused, most likely even worse. Fake victims disgust me.
@@Tajarim88explains why he was considering “drastic action”
4:02 Is what I hate the most! She just cheated on you with 10+ guys let it slide... Are these people crazy?!
10:36 My brother (28 yo) found a girlfriend, when he told me her age (15 I think) I asked is her family ok with this relationship? He said yup. When I told our mother about it she immediately went talk to the girl's mom and asked if she was ok with all this. The girl's mom just said "At her age I was already a mother!" And drove of in her scooter! My mom was left there with a gaping mouth.
another thing about story 4- the age of consent laws only apply in a relationship of two minors, not one minor and one adult so even then it’s still illegal
I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16. That means if, for example, you are 30 years old, you can date a 16 year old. The age of consent between minors here is 13-16 e.g. a 13 year old can date a 16 year old however, if it involves someone who is 16 and someone who is 12, that is illegal.
@@BelemaSotonye-Frank10still frowned upon
@@pulacascar179 Yeah, definitely. I don't know what was wrong with the people in the story. It was literally illegal. Even if she was 16, it would still be disgusting.
"10 guys sounds like a low estimate."
What's the high estimate, 37?
Ehhh, I'd just multiply by 10 & divide that number by 1 to get to the percentage chance that relationship would've ever worked out anyway after finding that out... 😂
@@MLWJ1993 I think you mean the chance that it would _never_ have worked...
@@FitzyCify uhhh, my mistake 😆
You're absolutely right & I was too tired to proofread my comment properly last night
OP in the 21 yr old bf story is definitely not insane. Ive put myself in a similar situation and regretted it(And it had lasting negative impacts) and was informed a year ago from another girl who fell victim to the same dude that he's now in prison for being a PDF File. And like it wasn't a small bust either.
Why isn't he with someone his own age range? Why does he have to find someone who is gonna be in HS for another 3ish years?(ik the answers but like christ critical think skills) Like why is everyone so okay with this(except op) like wtf
The PDF Files did nothing wrong!
Stop abusing the language like pedophiles abuse children and call them out!
They are not PDFS, not MAPS, they're simply pedophiles!
Why do people feel the need to make them sound less threatening, if they're a real threat to children!
Story 2 she took away your choice to not marry her by not divolging the infidelity
Story 4 that dude is at minimum a creep at worst needs to be in jail
First story, I decided to check OP and there's *several* posts about his soon-to-be ex-husband cheating on him. Not only that, but he has a history of still seeing his affair partners even after OP's busted him. OP also already left before but then his STB ex claimed to have changed to get him back and then we got this story. That's 5/5 behavior easy and he deserves to be dumped onto the street. I will add that OP did an edit and clarified that he isn't against his STB ex having sex outside of their marriage but that there were boundaries. Which the STB ex constantly broke. Secondly, the therapist they were seeing also admitted to having a strong bias towards keeping couples together, but OP agrees that they made a bad call.
OP1: Poor woman is so abused that she can't see what's in front of her.
And that therapist is trash.
Story 4: So I went through the comments on reddit and he is some of the things Op said:
1. She’s staying around until her brother picks up her niece and then she’s cutting contact with her parents.
2. She’s lost all respect for her mom. Turns out that Op had a best friend who went thru something similar as a kid and it was her mom that helped the girl out.
Haven’t seen any updates about the niece though.
Story 5: If the husband doesn't want to go to a hotel because of the girlfriend, I'm guessing "Police are looking for me and will track my credit card activity" levels of too young
Got that vibe too. I’m curious why he couldn’t get inside the house unless OP got the locks changed. It wasn’t mentioned that she did.
That therapist in story 1 was just trying to secure his financial future lol
Therapist: I think you should take the course of action where you keep giving me money.🤣
*_This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp_*
Story about 15 year old niece: op as a fellow teacher, I have to say you need to report this. Like I don’t know where you are in the world but in the U.S. it is MANDATORY for teachers to report things like this. The fact your family is ok with this is so wrong on so many levels.
Story 4: I had a somewhat similar situation. I am 9 years older than my stepsister. When she was 13, she used her half-sister's info (age, occupation) to make a dating site profile. She started talking to a guy who was my age. My mom found out and confronted the guy over the phone, telling him she was 13. He swore he wouldn't contact her again... Yeah, right. We found out he was in contact with her again. My mom told him she was calling the cops, and then she told her husband, an ex-biker. I'm not sure if he ever talked to the guy, but my step-sister never heard from him again. Lol
First story's Op added context:
EDIT/UPDATE: Thanks so much for all of your comments and especially for those who have shown such kindness. I know I’m an idiot for having stayed and put up with so much, so for those who are pointing that out…you’re not wrong it just doesn’t feel good to hear right now :-/
Anyway, a few of updates for context…
1) We are both men
2) We agreed in the past that an occasional sexual experience outside of our marriage would be ok within some specific parameters…those parameters are what he broke and violated multiple times
3) I think what the therapist was saying was that, compared to some of the other things he’s done, what he did last week was ‘minor’ only in terms of how it compared to the rest…doesn’t make it less hurtful or violating to me, though
4) The therapist has been up front that he has a bias toward keeping couples together so I did know that going in…but I agree with those who have said he is in the wrong here. Thank you for validating that for me.
Sixth story: NTA. I wonder what he sees on her. She was willing to ruin his life on a separation. So to be together again she is definately blackmailing him. There could be a reason to talk to her, record every conversation and find a moment of her admitting she has her husband blackmailed.
I'm just going to say this with the OP that has the underage niece who's dating an older man that she needs to call the cops on the 25-year-old boyfriend and get child protective services involved because the guys a predator and I understand this is a calls fallout for the OP but that's better than letting her niece who barely 15 have her life destroyed because her family would stupidly decide not depressed charges on a little predator in their church for whatever reasons
Did the therapist really say at a serial cheater who was given a 100 chances and cheats again a minor infraction?? He is out of his mind, so is op for sticking around for so long with that scumbag.
Story 2: What the actual f. The families are insane. How is that a few mistakes???? I just cannot even say anything to this. F all of them
Story one, what happened? a small infraction, what does that even mean?
The "small infraction" is OP'S husband breaking her trust, and it's a built-up of many times he did it.
It could be just telling him to not eat some left-overs and him doing so anyway or a million of other things.
At the point they are at, any small breach of trust is going to tip the scales.
Yeah but the whole point of these stories we are supposed to get details.... "bro, do you remember when we went to that place and did that thing , that was awesome." just doesn't cut it....
The therapist in the first story just wanted to make more money off of them
Anyone else get the feeling that the time line jumped and they were in a world where this insanity is either normal or moral? For a moment, I thought that I was the wrong one for thinking that most of these stories were crazy, but his response to each just made me realize that we were the normal ones. And they were wrong. o.O
Honestly I'd love to think the 21 yr old boyfriend one is fake but knowing shit ik now about shit that happened in hs it's 100% believable and thats terrifying.
This is what happens when you remove God from society. It's almost as bad as Sodom and Gamora.
@@sanctuary_polaris I really hope that's fake too. How could a family be that chill about something so disgusting?
Fourth story: Just as a note, I had a high school classmate who was going bald *in high school*. But he was a high school student, not a grown-ass man dating a minor.
Yeah, if the guy is really the age he says he is, he can just show some ID.
Story 4: Please gods let this story be fake, I don’t think I can handle if it’s real- like fifteen- a baby!! I it’s an entire balding man, it has to be fake right..right?
It's sadly entirely believable to me. My first bf was 26 when I was 16 (and naive, and a late bloomer, and just dumb), I didn't realise how wrong it was until I was in my early 20s. No-one ever said anything to me to warn me or inform me.
I love how rSlash named the story about the balding guy "illegal" on the time bar :D
Oh no, absolutely not on first story! Run and don’t look back at either your husband or that pathetic excuse of a therapist! It’s illegal for a therapist to attempt to persuade you in any manner to do or not do anything unless it involves harm to yourself or others. The trust never really came back fully, I’m there now. You didn’t have a marriage, you had an arrangement which was consistently breached. Cut your losses and stop getting hurt while working on something you didn’t break. Prayers for your best life and peace in you mind & soul 🙏❤
My gosh I don't think I've ever been this early to an rSlash vid!
Story 2, even more f the wound is old, the pain is fresh
I listen to your episodes every day and I only just now realized that I say the "I put out new reddit videos every single day" out loud.
As a person who dated a 21 year old at 16 and parents didn't "meddle", I feel like Maddie and everyone will be pissed now, but in a couple years she'll look back and wonder what was wrong with everyone besides OP. No matter what, that seriously uneven relationship leaves you with some major issues that take a while to recover from.
Story 3: why are you giving him a choice he cheated on you for half a year. That's not a mistake that is a deliberate choice he made and ask yourself this, would you know about it if he hadn't gotten her pregnant?
He only wants OP to be babysitter and provide any financial assistance
And we know he only wants to stay with OP for free babysitting, financial assistance, and side nookie when mistress isn’t in the mood. I hope she divorced him and took him to the cleaners.
Terrible fact, in the US child marriage is only banned in 10 states. In 5 states there is no age limit. We are not as protective of kids as people think.
Oh god, how are only 10 states banning such a disgusting barbaric thing.
"It was a mistake!"
"It was ten times in two years."
"I'm clumsy...?"
I just wanna say to you Rslash, I’ve been a fan for 4 years and I watch every new video when I get home. You are so cool and I like seeing your personality shine when talking about stories! You are my favorite Reddit reader and I just wanted to share that with you ! (Ps congrats on the daughter!)
16yo is the age of consent so that SIXTEEN YEAR OLDS can date EACH OTHER, not so that GROWNUPS can date CHILDREN.
This whole episode was insane. And people always ask me why I don't want to be in a relationship. Being single is safer and no chance of heartbreak and dishonesty
Story 4: There's more to this than OP knows, her parents are WAY too protective of this relationship.
As someone who was 15 with a 21 year old- this is horrible! Parents please do not let your kids do this no matter how “mature” the child is. They are still children!
On the fourth story: it's illegal to have sex with a minor, but not to have a romantic relationship with a minor. Yes, you can expect a -maybe- 21yo to want that with a 15yo, but the mere fact that they are dating is not a crime in and of itself.
Obviously from a moral standpoint the situation is different.
Personally I adhere to the "age / 2 + 7" rule, if he's 21, he should be dating someone at least 18. Someone 26 should date someone at least 20, and so on.
The therapist shouldn't be a therapist
I had a truly terrible therapist at one point. I was trying to escape and recover from my abusive FOO. The therapist kept trying to play the 'give them another chance' card. I finally shouted 'what do you think the last 30 years of my life have been?!?' (my age at the time). 30 years of me giving 'another chance' and all they did was see it as ongoing proof they could abuse me at whim with no response from me.
My new therapist taught me everyone gets a MAXIMUM of 3 chances
>the first transgression can be a misunderstanding of what is acceptable
>the second a genuine slip-up
>but the third is proof of a pattern and unwillingness/inability to change.
Of course, some transgressions are so huge, or the person causing the harm so set on continuing to cause harm that fewer than three chances is an option, but never more than three.
The odds of sleeping with someone you had slept with in the past is pretty high. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she was sleeping behind OPs back with her college friend when he came to visit her.
Story 2: at least 10 guys? And if that's not enough she had the balls to introduce and still talk to some of them, it's not just about cheating she spent your entire marriage lying to you and didn't stop until she couldn't hide anymore then tried to act like it wasn't a big deal. But she's not sorry, and given the other information that she was actually a clingy girlfriend it makes her a massive hypocrite that wants a one-sided relationship.
I’m getting a vibe “it’s okay for me to do it since I’m a woman” BS. I hope OPs kids didn’t inherit their mom’s moral compass.
4th story: Wow, the girl met a p edo at church. What are the odds? /s
The more I find stories like this, I'm more than happy I've been single my entire life. I would not handle this happening to me very well.
The Therapists: “do you really want to divorce your serial cheater husband after years of being cheated on and lied to and having every promise broken? I don’t think that’s a good idea. What I think you need is more therapy, months, maybe even years, of very expensive therapy. Both couple and individual of course, which will all be billed accordingly of course. And after all this expensive therapy you might have a marriage stronger then ever and I’ll have a new swimming pool.”
Good morning internet
Good morning sir
Good morning
Mornin’!
I read this in Matpats voice
Top of the mornin’ to you, Mr. Hammy.
First story: NTA. What is that teraphist smoking to say CHEATING is a small problem? Either the teraphist is a cheater or is buddy-buddy with the husband and is helping with the gaslighting and manipulation.
*therapist
I started watching you since you started this podcast. I listen to your stories every morning before work. I just wanted to say thank you for all you do I even got my boyfriend to start watching you as well. We love your humor and your opinions on the situations. Thanks britt
That therapist is only interested in keeping their clients and doesn’t actually care about anyone in the couple being happy. They even attempt to gaslight op calling the 20 years of violating boundaries and cheating on their spouse “a small infraction” (I know they’re giving into semantics choosing to solely focus on one recent event, aka “the last straw”).
They should be reported for unethical practices
Story 2: If she didn't think it would last WHY CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP! Op is right he SHOULD throw away his marriage and not waste anymore of his time! It's not a mistake, she did it on purpose and consented to having sex. I'm even more mad that he skipped his prom, a once in a life time event because his nasty "girlfriend" was jealous while she was CHEATING
Perfext thing to wake up to :3
STORY 1: OP didn't give enough detail. She didn't state (in the post) what her boundaries were or what the husband did that she says is "cheating" or "mistrusting".
The husband cheating on the wife for multiple years and the wife just brushing it off has the same chance of the wife trying to control the husband with ridiculous boundaries and the husband chooses to not play her games.
Important notes:
1: They didn't start therapy until after 20 years of marriage when the wife called for divorce (couldn't handle the cheating anymore or gave up on controlling him).
2: The therapist kept referring the lasted "incedent" as a small infraction. This could be the husband flirting with another woman or the husband telling his mom happy birthday.
My point is when details are left out it leave room for speculation.
In the second to last story, with the trucker husband, it's worth noting that depending on where they live- at the very least in every state that I've heard of, if his name is on the deed, she legally can't keep him out unless there's allegations of abuse.
Second story: NTA. Long distance or not, if the partner can't stay faithful then is not worth keeping. Also, I have the feeling that there are more people she slept with besides those 10 dudes or else why are people trying to gaslight OP.
I’m betting OPs wife used girl math when calculating the number of partners she had
@@lorilancaster5917 which is confess the ones that are obvious before OP found out for himself.
@@franciscojaviermendezrinco1902actually girl math regarding partners is take the actual number and divide by three
In the last story, cheating is one thing, but I think one of the worst things people can do these days is falsely accuse someone of abuse - it will destroy lives
3:20 the thing is…..my husband would never pry like that
4:12 oh cry about it fragile male ego…. This guy…
4:23 oh, I doubt that
4:30 A year, if you will. And decades of lies? Huh? Hmm? Wha?
4:39 yeah, in college. Long time ago. Before they were married 4:44 what? That’s not how that works. She never lied to him? When would that even come up in conversation?l once let alone repeatedly?
4:58 hey not cool
5:12 heh?
6:13 she recognizes that it’s a long time ago when you were teenagers
6:20 how?
6:27 yeah, that’s called alcohol? I’m sure you’ve heard of it… also that is very specific
Story Illegal:
I know that in the US if someone is under 18 if the parent of the minor child is aware and okay with it then, yes it's okay with the approval of the parent but I believe that there is a minimum age where legally that does end as far as I know depending on the state? Now morally is it wrong, that is the question? Does this country that allows the legal consent to be 16 years old mean that if someone is 15 years old they should be in the same position as a parent's approval when someone is under 18 years old in the US? No, I believe that if someone is a minor and then another person is over 18 years old then it is wrong and not cool at all to do this. I personally don't think "AGE" should matter as long as both people are at least 18 years old and above. The other The other question would have to be, in this other country where 16 is the legal consent age, if this couple were to visit a different country would it mean because they are from their original country would they be violating the laws in the visiting country?
Story Sleep Outside:
He didn't have any problem sleeping outside in his truck when he was popping other girls' cherries so what difference does it now make when he can't pop his wife's cherry? is it now his wife knows the fire that kept him warm out and now he comes home hoping to stay warm with his wife?
OP#1 - I made the same mistake with my ex-wife. Then after we get home from our Thanksgiving trip, she walked out. She came back three months pregnant with her side action's baby six months later. I thought that her having a kid and the possibility of a stable dad for him might help her not be quite so abusive. Hooo boy was I wrong. I'm just glad that I survived the self-delete attempt a few months later and we divorced after. Don't walk away, run to the fastest mode of travel and get a continent away.
8:26 Scott? Knives? Is that you?
I'm a therapist and the first story irks me to no end. Under no circumstance should the therapist discredit OP like that, it only serves to validate the enabling behavior. With infidelity it's about confronting and the infidelity, taking ownership of it for there to have a remote chance of restarting a new relationship again. The old relationship is dead, the only option is to see if a new one can start. I'm disgusted by the other therapist
The second story if you want to sleep around during your college years that's fine. But don't be in a relationship while you do it. And if you are in a relationship, don't hide it and be all sneaky. Sneaky about it for decades. The fact that she didn't tell you prove she knew what she did was wrong and just kept her mouth closed. If she didn't think she did anything wrong she would have told you about it right away. The fact that she hit it for so long and then continue to try to hide it after the The college friend was telling you about how crazy she was in college proves she knew what she did was wrong. You're allowed to be upset about the fact your partner of 20 years cheated on you even if it was 20 years ago, especially because you just found out about it.
In regards to that story of the truck driver sleeping with the friends daughter
No one gets that upset over someone dating a daughter that’s legal. Upset? Yes. Screaming incoherently upset? Yeah… I don’t think that girl was an adult
Cheating is NEVER a small problem. Sounds like that therapist is just like the husband if they believe that.🤮
Normally I am 100% down with Rslash and his views on things, and I actually find him extremely insightful. Story number two is the first time I am on the complete opposite side. I'd probably want to have a conversation about it work through it and clear the air on the dishonesty, and that more then the actual sleeping around might make me mad for a minute but beyond that it wouldn't even occur to me to break it off.
Story 1 - I was expecting the punchline to be the cheating was eating meat/smoking or something similar when it was a 'small incident'. Was it ever actually stated that the cheating was sexual?
5 seconds into the first one and all I can say is leaving that guy was justified. Cheating isn’t something small that’s literally the biggest break of trust anyone can commit in a relationship. Woah that pedo story is nuts. I’m on OPs side there. A 21+ year old has no excuse to date a 15 year old.
The second one is doubly bad she joked that her dad would hurt him if he was with other women but she was ok sleeping with 10+ men.
When I heard the first part of the story I was thinking it was one man in a sper of the moment type of situation
, nope multiple men that she’s kept in touch with and she continues to blow him off and avoid the questions. That’s super messed up.
I remember reading once about a married couple in their mid 90s, the husband of which was divorcing the wife as he'd learned she had had an affair... back when they were in their 20s...
"You are acting childish"
Me: "How fitting. That means she might be on his hit range."